F*ck Imposter Syndrome and Hotel Toilets

Do you ever struggle with feeling like you're not good enough or experience imposter syndrome? Here is the link to the video on imposter syndrome that was mentioned in this episode, so check it out and let me know your thoughts! In this heartfelt episode, I open up about my journey towards self-acceptance and how focusing on our community, creative passions, loved ones, and finding joy can free up space in our minds and lives. Together, we'll explore the importance of checking in with ourselves and acknowledging our raw emotions, while sharing a laugh over a funny hotel toilet mishap.

But it's not just about our personal experiences - it's also about the power of conversation and community in creating meaningful change. We'll discuss how the people in our lives can be anchors that keep us grounded in the present, and how even a grandmother teaching herself shorthand can make a lasting impact. So, let's connect and share our own stories, finding comfort and strength within ourselves during challenging times.

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Transcript

Checking in With Our Hearts

Speaker 1 0:08

Hey everyone , welcome back to an invitation to share . I'm so glad you all have joined me for another week of reflection and conversation and just growth together overall . I want to do a little check in with everybody today and maybe ask ourselves the simple yet complex question of what are you feeling in your heart today and right now ? in general , we're just going deep right away . We're going right into the heart , if you will , of conversation .

Speaker 1 0:49

I have had a very hard time being honest with myself recently . I think what's on my heart today is just the fear of am I enough to be doing what I'm doing with my life ? Am I even deserving of anything ? And I don't know . I felt like just starting very vulnerable today with that . And yeah , maybe we can all just take a minute to take a breath and check in with ourselves . We don't really have a lot of opportunities to do that during the day . I hope you're doing medium okay . If you're not doing medium okay , that's completely okay , because that's kind of where I'm at right now . And if it feels right to you to further explore what's on your heart and how your heart is feeling , i invite you to do so after the episode or even pause and do it now . I think it's really valuable to check in with our raw emotions and I'll even offer I like to just hold my hands to my heart sometimes if I don't know what I'm feeling or I can't put it into words just as a way to honor that I'm trying to check in in one way or another .

Speaker 1 2:17

I learned something recently about imposter syndrome , which is something I have , in the past , been very fast to claim as something I struggle with , which kind of relates to what I said about what's on my heart today . Am I good enough to be like having a podcast , or am I good enough for my friends ? Am I good enough in my relationship ? Am I good enough daughter ? Am I good enough co-worker All those things and I always have felt like I just have imposter syndrome . I'm going to recommend you guys look up where Imposter Syndrome came from if you are someone who very strongly resonates with it . There is some videos on the actual story of how Imposter Syndrome was , i guess , created . There's a really cool graduation speech . I'm going to try to link it in the show notes that goes on to share about the story of Imposter Syndrome , and I found this one post that just puts into words exactly what I learned from this theory of how Imposter Syndrome came to be .

Speaker 1 3:32

Imposter Syndrome is a distraction . It's a strategy to keep our concentration on our alleged inadequacies . Because I'm someone who focuses so much on everything I can't do and why I just have quote unquote have Imposter Syndrome . It honestly has kept me feeling like I can't grow out of being an imposter and I will never be good enough , and that was not productive for me And I want to continue learning about what it means to be good enough for me on my standards , not anybody else's Because I wonder if we just spent as much time as we did working on our creative passions and things we love and spending time with people we love and just feeling more joy . If we spent that same amount of time doing all those things as we do , worrying if we're good enough , think of how much space will be like freed up in our brain and in our life . I feel like I've shared that in a similar context before , because that has brought me a lot of perspective in the past And I want everybody to know you are good enough to follow your dreams and you are good enough to be doing what you're doing now You are a good enough partner or parent or coworker or kid or friend like you are good enough , i promise you are . And Imposter Syndrome and just the fear of not being good enough overall might sometimes be a distraction to keep our concentration just focused on our inadequacies and the things we think we can't do . But we actually can , since we're kind of checking in with ourselves and and with each other . I also want to offer , if something is bothering you or burdening you and you hold it in because you're afraid of sharing how you feel , or maybe you're embarrassed to feel like you're complaining , which I don't think that's complaining . If you're sharing something that's bothering you , i want to put that out there . But if you're just in a place where you feel like I shouldn't open up , like what if nobody wants to listen ? or what if nobody cares what I have to say ? I promise they do . I promise they do .

Speaker 1 6:18

This time of year for me is my favorite time of year and also the hardest time of year for me . So I've been in this very big reflection period and I'm seeing a lot of patterns and things show up over and over again , time and time again , either trying to teach me a lesson or remind me of something . And I don't think that things are just coincidental . I think they do happen for a reason to teach me something or remind me of something . And I'm going to share a little bit of a funny story . This time last year , or around this time last year , middle , towards the end of summer , the house that I was living in with Anthony had water damage and mold damage and we were exposed to mold and we had to move into a hotel . And the ironic thing is literally right now this past like two weeks or several weeks really our air conditioning has been breaking at our townhome and we now have water damage again and had to move out . So that's fun that that's happened two summers in a row .

Speaker 1 7:38

But anyway , last summer , when we were living in a hotel , my grandma had unfortunately passed away and we were getting ready to go to her funeral . And we're getting ready in the hotel and I have to pee whenever , i'm very anxious and I have to go to the bathroom like every five seconds . So we're getting ready for the funeral , i'm very worried and sad and anxious and feeling a whole bunch of things and I have to give a speech at the funeral . So you know the the adrenaline was at an all-time high . I wasn't fully paying attention to what was happening and I was just peeing like back and forth , back and forth , back and forth and just going to the bathroom , being an anxious mess .

Speaker 1 8:28

Eventually the hotel toilet was like you can't flush with me anymore , like because I just kept flushing it in such a short period of time , because also it was one of those bathrooms where there's not a door , it's just straight in the hotel room . So I had flushed the toilet too many times and it just started to flood like overflow everywhere , every , just everything . And I just am standing there barefoot like I don't , i don't know what to do . What's happening , what's happening . And I just start like laugh , crying out of fear and stress and panic and like oh , my god , I can't believe this is happening . This is so embarrassing , but it's also hilarious . But also we need to leave for the funeral in literally five minutes . So Anthony and I just had to literally take a bunch of towels and clean up my pee water that we were standing in and then hang the towels to dry on the hotel porch area . So I don't know why . I think just because I've been reflecting on the fact that we had to move out around this time last year and the same thing is happening now . I'm just remembering that story .

Speaker 1 9:44

That at the time was like a very dark time for me , but maybe the universe was just trying to get a laugh out of me by having me flood the hotel toilet and then flood the hotel room . And really last summer it was hard for me to be checking in with myself like we're trying to do , you know , today on this episode , because I kept feeling like anything that I blurted out or anything that came out of my mouth was just sadness , because , you know , my grandma had passed away and we didn't have a place to live and we were trying to move and my husband didn't have a job and I had just started a new job and I'm in therapy and I'm just like in these chaotic time and I was isolating myself because I kept thinking nobody wants to like talk or hear what's going on , and in no way did I want to add an inappropriate time , talk about any of these things or overwhelm anybody , but by not talking about the things that I was struggling with , it was making it very hard for me to go about my day-to-day and then act like everything was just functioning and normal and not like I was flooding hotel bathrooms . I was really determined this summer to try to be more present and create more positive experiences for for myself , because I just kind of went away into my into my cave at the end of last summer and then didn't come out . Really , i feel like until this spring I needed time to I don't know . I don't know what I needed time for , but I needed time and so this summer I've been really focused on , okay , what is realistic for me to do that can offer healing and that's either free or affordable , because I don't want to isolate myself and make make those same choices that I did last summer .

Speaker 1 11:55

That did honor me at that time , but I want to feel like during my favorite time of the year , in the summer , i want to feel more free and and just feel more joy and involvement in general , and I think what I've really learned is the value of going to community events , even if they're not in my direct town where I live , just surrounding areas , and I feel like this is something maybe people like in their early 20s and mid 20s maybe don't like think about as much . Oh , there are events put on by the community that are free and enjoyable and great ways to meet people and shop local and just support your community . So really , wherever you live , i encourage you guys to just check out whatever city or town or state even you live in and see if they have any free events going on . I'm sure they do , and if they don't like , maybe you could plan some events if that's something you like , because I had so many short but honestly life-changing conversations the past few weeks at community events . I have met artists , i have met young entrepreneurs , i have met people who are operating in family businesses that have really important messages to share . I have caught up with people that I haven't seen in a really long time . That just filled my heart with so much happiness and I just leave my house for like 45 minutes to an hour .

Speaker 1 13:42

I went to a craft fair , a Juneteenth Festival , a Pride event , a Bike Month event , a Food Truck event . Like there's all of these events and they're not all , like I said , right by where I live . Like I've had to go to some local surrounding areas , but I've gone by myself and I love the idea of like me and other people just taking themselves out . You don't have to really go with people because there's gonna be people at these events and like maybe you can meet a friend there or make a friend there . And I think part of my mission and like vision for everything that I do and the values that I have surround connecting with other people , and I love connecting with people I've never met before . I don't even feel like they're strangers , like I feel like everybody just has a connection , even if it's buried very deep . I just love that there's an opportunity to come together as a collective and either support a cause , celebrate a cause , raise awareness around a cause or just support local businesses in general .

Speaker 1 14:59

So , while I've been working on attending more community events , another intentional reframe I've been trying to do is changing the way I interact with just people in day-to-day , and what I mean by that is I love to just have . Well , okay , this is a lie . I don't love to have small talk . The point is , i don't love to have small talk , but I love to be able to have a quick conversation with people and if anyone can just match my energy of like we're just going straight into how we're feeling and then going our separate ways . I love doing that and I've been trying to put those feelers out there and kind of see , okay , what people like in the community or in customer service or at like my doctor's appointment offices . Who wants to go there in conversation ? because it's enjoyable for me and I feel like it shows other people you genuinely want to talk with them , because if you work in customer service or at a front desk or if you work remotely , even you have a lot of very short conversations of how are you , i'm fine , how are you , i'm good , and I think that's maybe what people consider polite . But what I consider polite is someone going straight into . Have you read any good books recently ? Do you know of any good coffee shops around here ? Is there anything like on your mind today ? What's up , what's going on ? I don't know . That's just me . So I've been implementing this and , you know , don't always get you know , a reaction back . Sometimes people are like , okay , okay , nice to see you .

Community's Conversational Power

Speaker 1 16:54

But I went to my psychiatry appointment the other day and I I tried to start having this conversation with one of the nurses and we started talking about makeup , we started talking about ADHD , we started talking about podcasts and then , before we knew what we were like , talking about apps and all of these things on our phones that have helped us but also made our lives harder , and we started talking about connections and tips on life and just , we were laughing and I don't know the last time I've laughed at a doctor's appointment , let alone a psychiatry appointment , and I was like this is damn beautiful to me . We could have just easily said essentially nothing to each other and been in awkward silence and , granted , we both were probably in the mood to have a conversation . But that reframe of telling myself just go there with people in conversation and see if they want to meet you where you're at . If they don't , that's fine . If they do , what cool conversations can you have ? and maybe even what type of change can happen from this . Think about the effect that this can have on the person you had the conversation with or the people who are listening .

Speaker 1 18:20

This is the summer of deepening conversations , the collective and just communication with the community . I think , because I have such a passion for these things , it's been hard to not engage with all of the listeners on here as much and I haven't been able to make as many social media videos and as much content , partially because I just haven't had time and energy . But circling back to the beginning , this imposter syndrome And I feel like when you are a part of a group , a community , the collective , whatever you want to refer to it as you have so much more strength and love and ability to move mountains , i feel like I don't know if this is just in my head , but I feel like a lot of times in the current day we're taught to be more individualistic , doing things on our own , that hyper independence almost , and I wonder if that's preventing us from connecting with people more , because that's something that I've literally been struggling with . I thought I need to do everything on my own , be on my own , figure everything out on my own , problem solve without any help , and I feel like that was preventing me from going to these community events , having conversations with strangers , showing up as my best self in my relationships and at work even .

Speaker 1 20:03

There's a lot of power in coming together and I've recently noticed that a lot in one of my newer roles at my job . We have a growing diversity , equity and inclusion unit in our Human Resources department and the staff on our DEI team is just exceptionally amazing . And because I work in local government . There's boards , commissions , task forces all these groups that essentially are , to my knowledge I'm still learning a lot are a bunch of citizens that are members , and then we have people from town , council and internal staff work with the citizens . So the staff and citizens are working together to do community programming , bigger projects , internal and external work . So there's a whole lot of things . But essentially we have a diversity , equity and inclusion task force that I am a clerk for and it's only been a few months that I've been in this newer part of my role and I just am floored at the impactful conversation and action that happens in these meetings . So I feel like that has also kind of sparked a lot of further desire to connect with people in the community because I just see how powerful it is and how it can make changes , even in local government but then hopefully even bigger picture and statewide .

Speaker 1 21:43

And another funny story is so I've been talking to my grandpa about me being a clerk and kind of being in this new role and I'm learning so much and all those things and him and my aunt reminded me that my grandma , who I was very close with , who passed away , that I was referring to her passing up in this episode , talking about when I was living in a hotel . I was very close with her essentially , but she was a clerk at one point very early in her career for a lawyer and the funny story is she was just looking for a job and she thought maybe she knew what it meant to be a clerk . Very much like I thought I knew what it meant to be a clerk , but I didn't until I actually started working . There's so much to do . But anyway , my grandma was like I can totally do this . She applied for this job and she got it And she was a clerk for a lawyer , like I said . So she goes in and she's working on this case And as a clerk you have to log the minutes and the conversations of the meeting , essentially , and she did not know shorthand , she did not know how to log the minutes or how to take the notes or anything .

Speaker 1 23:04

So she just sat there frozen during the whole case like freaking out , having anxiety , didn't know what to do , and after the I guess meeting I don't know if it was a meeting or like a court case I think it was a court case She had to tell the lawyer Hey , i actually got none of that And I don't really know how to do this . And and they told her well , you're gonna have to learn and you're gonna have to figure it out right now . And they had to redo the case And she eventually taught herself how to write really quickly And then eventually I think later in her career type really quickly , because as a clerk you have to document everything in like very specific ways . So I felt connected to her in that way . We were both clerks and going through this journey of like learning something new together and making mistakes along the way . In a few weeks , it will have been one year since my grandma passed away And we're going to be gathering to celebrate her life and remember her in a few weeks And I'm very much looking forward to doing that . But I think a lot of emotions stir up when I think about what is that going to look like And is that going to bring anything up for me , because I just miss her so much And ironically , she was in my dream last night and she hasn't been in a while .

Speaker 1 24:38

But I think , whether you've gone through a really tough season of life or you have something that's like a core memory in your mind . That's , whether it's good or bad , like feelings come up when it's that time of year , and so if I were to offer any advice or any thoughts around what to do during that , i mean , the first thing that comes to mind is just radical self care during that time . Sometimes the holidays are particularly overwhelming for me . Although I love them , i know I need to spend any extra time or in between moments I can resting , doing something that recharges me , taking time to exercise or meditate or read , nap , like any of those things something that's going to fill me up so I can try to be more present and just get through whatever difficult feelings I have .

Speaker 1 25:45

Another thing that comes to mind is not quieting your inner voice . If something is coming up for you , maybe finding curiosity to explore what you might be thinking or feeling instead of pushing it away , if that feels available to you . On that same note of listening to your inner voice or higher feeling , then openly sharing that with somebody I know for me , i'm not going to be able to keep everything in on the one year anniversary of my grandma's passing If I try to just operate through that day like nothing happened . That's going to be more of a burden for me . So finding somebody whether it's just somebody I look up to , somebody I'm close to , somebody I love and just kind of sharing hey , this is like a really difficult day for me or week for me or time of year for me , and this is kind of what I'm feeling . I'm going to try to meet myself with understanding today , but this is where I'm at . Do you think we can talk if something feels too difficult for me during this time ? Maybe that's something that I would say .

Speaker 1 27:10

Another thing that's become very important to me is , when I'm mentally and emotionally struggling with something , finding ways to physically release that in a way that's healthy for me , whether that's going to be a two hour dance party to like hits from the early 2000s , or whether I just need to physically shake my body and like get the bad energy out . Or do I need to do some strength training ? Do I need to go for a fast walk ? Do I need to take a bath ? Do I need to take a really long time stretching ? Do I need to do a yoga class and actually let go of some energy , finding ways to get that off of you and your physicality ? because guess what I learned ? Energy in motion is what you call emotions . Yeah , energy in motion is what you call emotions . So if you have emotions and thoughts coming up inside the view , they are in motion , so physically they're moving around inside of you . So you have to find a way to release them , feel them , move through them , and I love that . I love knowing that It helps create a visual for me and helps encourage me to find ways to express what I'm feeling in my physicality and through my emotions . So that's where a good craft or a good hobby or writing or another way to get your thoughts out or just creatively express yourself , that can also be , i think , another good healing outlet .

Speaker 1 29:01

I kind of want to check in with our hearts again and I want to check in with how we're doing . My heart certainly feels lighter right now since I just did some sharing and thinking with you all . I still feel hints of insecurity , as I know I'm going to go through the rest of my day and it's always a little nerve-wracking for me to publish a podcast episode . But I hope when you're checking in with your heart , you're feeling into what feels most true to you right now . It always means a lot to me when you guys go there with me and go there with yourselves because , like I said , maybe there's not a lot of opportunities for us to do these check-ins . So I hope we're able to check in and end on a loving note today and , as always , thank you .

Invitation to Share and Connect

Speaker 1 30:06

Thank you for coming back . If you liked the show and you want to leave a rating and review , that would mean so much to me . And if not , if you would just share an episode with a friend or family , that would also be awesome . Thank you , guys for coming out for another episode of an invitation to share . This was a great check-in and also a lot of updates , and whether this time of year is really great for you or really challenging for you , just know I'm here and you also have your intuition and the love within yourself for yourself . Let's go out there and make connections and I'll see you guys next time .