An Invitation To Share
An Invitation To Share
Reclaiming Joy: How to Live It, Define It, and Embrace It
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Joy is not only about "big life moments", but also the seemingly mundane ones - like a new moon or a delicious Halloween Oreo. This episode is about the boundless emotion of joy and the value of treasuring small moments. I share my personal journey of embracing joy, happiness, and freedom, and the often overlooked struggle a lot of us face when trying to genuinely feel and express emotions.
I also share what I've done to start removing emotional blockages that have prevented me from opening up and feeling joy in the past. This conversation is a gentle reminder that you are deserving of good things in life, and it's okay to let in a little joy, even on the harder days.
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Exploring the Concept of Joy
Speaker 1Hello , hello and welcome back to an invitation to share with Claire . I feel like every time I do an intro and I say welcome back to an invitation to share , it always feels the same , but it feels different saying it . And today , I think , because I'm coming in with a different energy , I'm saying the same thing but it means something different to me . I don't know if that makes any sense at all . I love a good ritual . I love to , I guess , start the podcast in a similar way . And while we're kind of talking about rituals and how the podcast starts , I used to end the podcast by sharing some joy that I'm looking forward to , or either just by celebrating some joy in my life , and I thought it would be a great full circle moment today to do an episode on joy and kind of bring the end of old episodes to the beginning of a new episode . I have been reflecting on joy a lot and what it means to me , what it doesn't mean to me and maybe how other people in my life and community view joy . And before we get into all of that , I think it's also important for us to check in with how we are feeling , how we are doing today , how we are moving through the day , because when we're able to just kind of feel into what we're feeling instead of think , we might get a different response or a different idea might come up . So I feel a little bit out of the present moment . Today it's been a really busy morning and I'm excited and looking forward to settling into the podcast episode . So are there any specific areas in your body right now that might be feeling a different kind of energy ? I think for me , since I'm not feeling fully present yet , my mind and my head is feeling a little bit heavy I think is the word I'd like to use and I also typically will feel a lot of emotions in my core , like stomach area I don't even know if I can say core I do not have abs , but core area is where I will typically have an initial feeling response when I go to check in with my body . I don't know if anybody else kind of relates to that , but I just want us to take a second to feel into what we're feeling , whether we are feeling unsettled , whether we are feeling fully present , whether we're feeling awake or tired or lost or full of hope . All emotions are welcome in the podcast space , and today we're going to be exploring one feeling a little bit more than others and , as I mentioned , that is joy . What is it ? How do we feel it ? And I want to start by reminiscing a little bit on joy that I have experienced , and I encourage you to do the same , whether you , after the episode , start thinking of sometimes you felt joy , or if you want to brainstorm together . I am right here .
Speaker 1So , sometimes that I have felt joy , I had a hard time pinpointing , because I have recently shared with some close friends and my therapist . I feel like I am struggling to allow myself to feel happy or to feel joy or to feel free . All of those three things are very different to me . However , joy is something that I feel as a response to something , whereas happiness might be an emotion that I move through due to an experience . I will try to differentiate the two , but that's really not what's important here . The point was I struggle to feel joy or to allow myself to , because I might be in a moment where I can feel that I want to feel joy and it's almost like there's a block there .
Speaker 1I have talked to some people in my life recently and in the past where they have also had this sort of instinctual response , to maybe not believe that we deserve to experience joy . Our response when something great might happen could be I don't deserve to feel this way , which might cause me in the past or even now , to remove myself from the present moment , deny the joy that I might be feeling and kind of shut down any feelings of excitement or gratitude that I would want to feel towards myself . Part of this could be due to the fact that I have struggled with depression most of my life . So depression and I want to say more gloomy feelings do feel familiar to me , but I know that I don't want to gravitate towards those things . The other part of it is what I had just mentioned . I don't feel like I deserve to feel joy when I have just had years back to back of struggling emotionally , financially , physically , intellectually . When something good happens . It feels too good to be true and I'm really working on believing that I deserve to feel joy and or that good things deserve to happen to me , and I want you guys to start believing that as well .
Speaker 1Joy for me , the very first thing I could think of after a lot of hard thought . It didn't come to me easily . But joy is a quiet moment on the beach really early in the morning . For me , I think , because it's a combination of serenity of the environment that ignites this sort of peace within me , and because of the beauty of nature , I feel emotionally drawn to the moment . I might even be drawn to tears and that is like a full body experience of joy for me . The equivalent of joy that I could think of is also when a Granny Smith apple tastes just right . It's the perfect amount of crunch , the perfect amount of sour and sweet , and although those two examples are on a spectrum , it's helpful for me to realize joy does not have to be this huge orchestrated circumstance . It can be something very small , it can be something really big and meaningful , and that's part of the reframe that I'm working towards .
Speaker 1Joy moves something inside of me that I have a hard time describing . I believe I operate and think in memories and feelings , not always words , which I do think is common . I don't know how many other people can hear something , see something , smell something , feel something , and it brings them right back to a memory . I feel like that's pretty common . But my brain will operate and categorize experiences into like memories or physical feelings in my body , and the more I'm trying to facilitate experiences of joy or facilitate moments of joy , the bigger the category of joy is becoming in my mind . And because I am very much split intellectually and emotionally , it helps me if I have some spontaneous moments of joy and some that are maybe more like planned that I'm looking forward to . So , although I might not be able to define joy in a few words , I think these first like 10 minutes of the podcast of sharing stories and experiences and moments capture how I would want to describe joy , and I want us to think together what is your definition of joy , even if it's not one that's going to be using words , or if it is going to be using words but it's going to be through storytelling or sharing specific moments
Complexity of Joy and Emotions
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1Sometimes I'll feel a block towards an emotion if I can't fully describe it , and that has turned me away from being open to feeling things in the past if I can't put it into words and I'm not saying it's not a goal of mine to put things into words , but I wonder if there's a middle ground where I can just kind of meet myself halfway of you want to be feeling something and you don't have the words , can you pull in memories or experiences or feelings in your body that feel similar and just sit with that for a little bit and maybe something will come of it . And what I hope can really land and resonate with everyone is the fact that joy can be totally different for everybody my joy and your joy and your best friends and your family and your coworkers and a stranger out in the world . Everybody's joy can be different . And this is also where an additional block I think has grown for me is when I am trying to compare how I am experiencing a fulfilling moment of joy , when I'm just comparing that to somebody else , because what makes somebody else feel happy or excited or energized could be completely different than what it is for me . And I think when we're able to put emphasis and be curious about our own experiences for joy or truly any emotion at this point in the discussion , when we're able to do that , we're able to then go into conversation and apply what we know and have learned about ourselves and help build connections with other people .
Speaker 1So , for example , in the past and also still currently , if I'm really struggling to feel joy or to feel in the present moment or to feel proud of myself for accomplishing something , and somebody were to come up to me and be describing all of the reasons they're so excited and happy and feeling so proud of themselves , I'm not saying I'm not going to be happy for them , but those feelings and words might not be sitting with me the same way because I might be a little jealous or a little envious that they're able to go to that place for themselves , celebrate themselves in that way and be present in their joy . So it kind of ties back to that comparing and then maybe even being jealous of somebody else for having an experience you think you want . Maybe you don't want it , but also , are you even holding space for yourself to feel proud of yourself , to feel that gratitude towards yourself , to move in and create space for feeling those feelings of joy ? So this is all kind of a thought discussion , if you will . There's a lot of possibilities that I'm exploring right now that relate to my personal experience and that I also hope can land with you and your personal experiences .
Speaker 1So another really important thing I want to share and put some emphasis on is if you are wanting to feel joy or if you are wanting to feel a emotion of some kind that is on the spectrum or in the category of joy , like happiness or excitement or gratitude . There's no good and bad emotions . I'm saying , if you're wanting to feel something on that side of the spectrum and you are feeling blocked in some way or discouraged or like you're really just struggling to be vulnerable in that way , to allow yourself to feel those emotions , I want to invite or offer the idea of are you allowing yourself to feel the opposing emotion ? So when I am telling myself I really want to be happy , I really really want to be happy and be joyful every single day , but anytime I have feelings of despair or anger or rejection , I'm shutting those down too , or I'm just not holding space for those emotions to fully flow through me . I believe in balance in the universe and balance in our own emotional ecosystems .
Speaker 1And if I'm wanting to feel happy but I am never letting myself feel sad , it almost feels like it's not going to come naturally for me to feel happy because I am trying to suppress one or multiple things within me , and when I'm trying to suppress an emotion of any kind , my other feelings are not able to genuinely flow to the surface . I'm not saying I can't express them at all , because I don't have to feel every single thing in my body all of the time to be authentically happy or sad . That's really not what I'm trying to say . I just wonder is there a truth to the theme that comes up in this podcast , a lot of creating duality and holding space for different ideas , different feelings , different moments , different energies at the same time , so there are not things that are being exiled or pushed away or repressed , so that way you become in tune with the signals your body and brain are sending you when you're in a situation that stirs up emotions of any kind . So the question is can giving ourselves permission to feel despair offer us an opportunity to feel joy ? I don't have the answers .
Speaker 1This is a discussion and an opportunity for us to think and reflect , because , if I also want to tap back into the feelings I have with feelings , when I feel joy inside of my body , I feel lighter , I feel softer , and when I might be feeling rage , I might be feeling honestly just like filled up to the top with rocks overflowing that heavier , more dense , tightening feeling in my body . Neither of those are better than the other because , in my opinion , I'm able to identify in some way how both of those situations are making me feel , but I don't know how I would be able to feel light in a moment of joy if I still have piles and piles of heavy rocks somewhere else inside of me . And again I want to restate I'm not saying you have to get rid of all of your baggage or all of your rocks in this situation to feel joy . I just think that identifying what it means for you , specifically because this is my personal experience but identifying what it could look like or what it does feel like for you in these range of emotions , how are you able to hold space for both or free up room for one or the other , because you do deserve to feel authentic , genuine , fulfilling joy . And on that note , this is reminding me of what I discussed with my therapist in our current session , briefly , around play and what it means to be playful or what that might look like for me .
Speaker 1And I think oftentimes , when I do something silly or when I do something playful or very intentional , there's a possibility that I could feel joy , by letting my guard down , maybe , or by releasing the fear of judgment , when I just allow myself to do something that would essentially bring me joy . I don't want to have to pretend to feel things anymore . I think I didn't know I was pretending for so long , and I'm sure a lot of us are familiar with the term toxic positivity , where either you're struggling with something or maybe you're not , but you're just constantly outputting happiness because you think that's how things should be perceived . And maybe if you think that way , everything will be that way , and I absolutely believe in putting out the good energy that you want in the world . I do that often and I encourage people to dream as big as they want and to put the energy out there in the world that they would also like to receive .
Speaker 1I just know , for a while our culture was pushing the agenda of extra toxic positivity , because for a while , and still to this day sometimes , it's safest to mask in that way or for whatever reason , whether it's a career or in a relationship or a partnership or a situation you might need to present in a certain way . And for a long time I felt as though I needed to present in a certain way in my social circle and in my personal relationships . I felt like , because I was struggling internally with depression , I needed to continuously present with positivity on the outside , so people wouldn't see what I was really feeling and going through , and I almost wonder if that created a false image for myself . I have no idea the specific people that listen to this podcast , but I wonder if , when they listen to it , if they know me in real life or not in real life , if they knew me in the past is what I meant when I was really putting up this image , if that aligns , or if they're like wow , I never knew you struggled with all of these things because I really tried to hide it for a while , whereas now I am very transparent in what I'm going through and how I'm feeling , because I think that allows me to untangle a little bit of what's going on internally for me .
Speaker 1Sharing helps me understand , sharing helps me connect , sharing helps me in the creative process and whatever that might be for you . It might not be sharing , it could be meditating , it could be reflecting , it could be any other type of practice that you feel connected to . I encourage you to do that , and I also encourage people to , of course , if it feels safe or available to you , but to be honest in conversations with your emotions , because there are these moments in life that feel almost magical , where you open up to someone and they open up back to you . And that doesn't always happen , it's not always reciprocated , but when it is , it just feels very magical to me , like if I'm sharing something on the podcast and somebody comes to me in person or they give me a call or they message me online and we can get to talking in a really honest and vulnerable way .
Speaker 1I find a lot of beauty in that , I find a lot of hope in that , and it reminds me that we are all on the same plane . We are all humans and we have a lot of the same , or at least similar , experiences there are , in different ways and in different times of our lives and you know I like to say same thing , different font or like different format . But those opportunities , those windows of truth , really give you a sneak peak , in my opinion , into just the most deep , genuine human connection , which is what I crave and that gives me joy , that makes my heart feel so many things that go beyond what the word joy even is , and I am just seeking more of that in my life and I hope that I can offer some sort of thought process or beginning discussion in a similar way for all of you lovely listeners . And on the page of transparency and honesty , I want to share that I am going to be going into a new era in my life soon . I don't really know what that means , but I have decided I'm going to be growing and making changes and meaningful ways in my life . I already know I have some bigger upcoming changes in my life that I am excited for and I hope that the podcast will continue to grow alongside these , these changes , and I want to remind everyone that change is not always scary and we are able to grow and change our minds and learn new things along the way . I appreciate everybody showing up to listen to the podcast , but I want to thank you for showing up for yourselves because typically not always , but typically this is a podcast that will encourage you to ask questions to yourself or be introspective or branch out of your comfort zone in your life or in relationships in one way or another , because I find the more smaller changes I can make kind of on my own terms not like on my own terms how do I want to say that when I can hear something or learn something . I have time to reflect and decide and make the choice . If that's a small change I want to make in my life , and I hope that you all enjoy listening to the podcast .
Finding Joy in Little Moments
Speaker 1I'm always open to feedback and I do want to end this episode by sharing something that is joyful , that I am looking forward to , and I want you all to also think of something that will bring you joy in the future or something that has brought you joy recently . So some joy that I'm looking forward to is two quick things . So one we have a new moon coming up this week . It's the 12th of September right now , so I don't really know when it is , but I love when there's a new moon or a full moon . I typically try to journal during that time and I know that it's an opportunity for me to reflect in some way , which will typically bring me either joy or maybe sometimes the opposite of joy . Either way , I look forward to it . I also have made a few new friends recently , which is very exciting , and I hope to hang out with these new friends . I am newer to friendship , I'm slightly socially awkward , but I'm looking forward to that . And then one other thing I want to share that was joyful in the past few days is I had a kind of funny experience where I had an off day on the weekend and I went through a actual checklist of things that typically would help make me feel better , because I was really trying to fight it .
Speaker 1I was trying to do everything I could to feel better instead of just kind of sitting with how I was feeling . But I went through this very therapeutic , chronological list of okay , I need to try this and I need to do this and I need to do that , of all these coping skills I have acquired over the years and finally I said you know what ? I just don't want to try to feel better anymore . I'm just going to be upset and I'm going to go run some errands and that's just what's going to happen .
Speaker 1I went to the store and I saw Halloween Oreos , the ones that have like pumpkins on them and cats on them and I don't know if there's like leaves on them . Whatever . They're really cute and they have the orange cream filling and I was like I don't know the last time I had an Oreo . I certainly don't know the last time I had one of those little fall Halloween Oreos and in that moment I felt like a little spark of like oh , that's exciting . Like I don't really like fall and winter , but I'm trying to like it more and maybe just a little fall snack will get me in the mood for the cooler weather we have coming up , and I don't know , we'll just see .
Speaker 1So I had a cookie and after all the dozens of things I tried that day to feel better , eating a cookie , eating an Oreo cookie , brought me me almost just as much joy as every other intervention . That typically would help me significantly . So there's joy in the little moments and I thought that was worth sharing and it was funny to me . So , anyway , I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for joining us for another episode . I hope you have a lovely rest of your week . I hope you experience some joy and share any joy with me , and I will help celebrate you . I'm always available on social media and thank you guys so much for listening . I will see you next time . Bye .