Ep. 79 Boundaries around Work Time [Jumpstart Your Year: Day 19]

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Our goal with the series is to create momentum and spark creativity so you can go into the new year with clarity and intention.

On Day 19, Kimberlyn reflects on the question:

How do you set boundaries around your work time with kids?

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Transcript

Kimberlyn: To jumpstart your year, we're coming to you every day this month with many bite sized episodes to get you reflecting on what's working and what's not in your parenting and productivity journey. Our goal with the series is to create momentum and spark creativity so you can go into the new year with clarity and intention.

Hey guys, I'm Kimberlyn and I'm coming to you with the date. 19 of our jumpstart your year series. Today, I'm going to be reflecting on the question. How do you set boundaries around your work time with kids? And I think this is a topic that we've talked about a lot here on the podcast. And if you've been around for any.

amount of time, you probably know that this has been something that I have struggled with. It's been, it's definitely been a journey. It has had its ups and downs, it has had moments of time where I am a badass at holding boundaries, and it has had times where I lose my shit and no work or parenting gets done that day.

So I think, honestly, I could, I could start off with when, you know, my daughter was younger and kind of like, walk you through the different stages that I've had as a parent and working from home. So, for those who know me, I am a translator. I used to teach English at a university, but I was blessed to be able to go on that leave.

Around, I guess, about six weeks before she was born and then for the next six months and I was also at working at a school where we went from March to December and Sophia was born in May. So basically, I, I took that entire, year off from my teaching job. And I dove into translations. So because it was something that I could do at home it's something that I've been doing, but I just kind of dedicated myself solely to that.

And so I remember being pregnant and almost having to have them like, Pull the computer out of my hands to go to the, to the hospital the day I was having contractions. I actually had a big project do that Monday and it was over the weekend. I started the contractions on like Saturday, Sunday, or on Saturday and then she was born actually on Sunday.

And I remember being at home with contractions on Saturday and just like getting the job done. And I was like, but, you know, I'm going to be in the hospital for 4 or 5 days. Like, I've got to take my computer with me. Okay. And that is kind of like set the tone for how most of my work from home journey has been is, is like, I've got, I've got work to do.

I, I am, you know, I wasn't the sole breadwinner for, for the family, but I was the main breadwinner. I was making more Then my husband at the time, and I knew that I had to keep I had to keep bringing in that income, especially since I had kind of benefit of, like, being able to receive payment from the government to kind of, you know, compensate for my my mat leave, which was great, but it wasn't going to pay all the bills.

So I knew that. I still had to keep earning money. So when she was a baby, it was actually really easy to kind of keep my work schedule, not schedule, I wouldn't say schedule, my workload. I, you know, would work while she was sleeping because she napped all the time. And there were even times where I would have like, you know, tight deadlines and I remember specifically having her on, you know, little like doughnut thing, you know, breastfeeding her and my computer like rested on like the edge of the doughnut and working, you know, while she was, she was breastfeeding.

I also, you know, remember around the time, I want to say when she started getting mobile, things shifted. It was like, I knew that I could no longer just sit there on the computer while she was sleeping or laying or, you know, sometimes I would turn on, cartoons in English so that because, you know, I live in a country that speak Spanish, I wanted her to have exposure to the language, not just me, but, you know, kind of in the environment.

And so that worked for for a while, but then, you know, 6, 7 months in and she was crawling and she was, you know, exploring and it was suddenly not as easy for me to get work done. So she was, I guess, like 10 months. Old when when she started going to a daycare, and that was around the same time where I started back at the university.

And so I had my time for classes that were very, you know, set time. So, like Monday at 10 a. m. or whatnot. And so she would go to daycare during that time. But then I realized daycare isn't a guarantee that she's going to be. At daycare you know, because kids get sick and they bring home illnesses and then you have to, like, figure out you know, childcare.

And I did have my mother in law at the time, her grandmother here in GA who, you know, could take her, but it, it definitely became. Much more of a struggle, I would say from probably like one year that that first year between one and two was really, really hard for me because I knew that she also demanded not just like me being there and me raising her, but she.

needed, you know, stimulation and she got sick a lot. And so I, you know, we started the daycare and then I had to take her out and then, you know, she was home all winter. And and I can't really honestly, like, it feels like that year was such like a blur. I did. Actually, the second semester of that that year, I decided I'm not going to be working at the university anymore, because I just I can't handle this, like, not knowing if I'm going to need, you know, backup child care and, and so that semester I actually, that was a semester I actually started I had like a side gig where I was going to the states and buying clothes and like name brand jackets and purses and all the things and coming back to Chile and selling them, like reselling them and earning like profit margin on that.

And it, it actually was like a really like decent side gig. I loved it because it, it. paid off my, you know, travel to the States. So I was able to go home with her. While she was still not paying like a full a full plane ticket, she was still, you know, the two and under, like she was paying for a lap seat.

And so I was able to, Develop this relationship between her and my parents. And we went almost every month for a good, like, we started in July. And I think my last 1 was, like, an April where I went. And so, yeah, it was, it was a different system obviously, because we were traveling and I was doing other things in addition to translations.

I was definitely spending, you know, all nights Up. That's kind of the way and I think I've talked to a lot of other women and it seems like around that, like, 1 1 to 2 years old where they are so demanding of your time and your energy that it feels like in order to get any work done, you kind of have to just wait to tonight time or have really, really good, really, you know, stable, reliable.

Childcare. And so I did have my mom there and my dad and who could take care of her while, you know, I was working or shopping or though she generally went shopping with me. But yeah, it was, it was kind of me playing around with like almost recreating my village between these two countries and trying to, you know, spend as much time in the States with my parents as well.

And so that was, that was. I would, I would say I would give it its own like phase in our, you know, like working from home journey which was definitely a sleep deprived phase. Yeah, that's kind of the only way I can, I can think about it. I was, I was excited. I was excited about this new job and this new, you know, gig and, and and I was passionate about it.

I had that motivation so I could stay up at night. But that hasn't always been the case. It hasn't always been the case that I've been excited to get my work done. You know, there have been other times, you know, where I do and I would say probably until she was about, I don't know five or six, I still pulled all nighters.

Not necessarily because of her more of because I, my own, like, I guess time management, but but I'll come back to that in a little bit. So, when she turned or before she turned two, I was actually able to get her into a daycare. That was a Waldorf Inspired daycare. What I loved about it is that they would take her from 8 a.

m. In the morning to 8 a. m The morning they would take her from 8 in the morning to 6 five or six in the afternoon. And so I was able to actually like get work done. And yes, there were times where she would get sick, but because they were kind of this alternative center, they would, you know, if she had like a little bit of a cold, they would take her anyway.

And And I loved it because it was, they were in this house. They had like pets and animals and chickens and ducks. And it was just very very homey and very, you know it, it wasn't like I was taking her to like a school where everything was like bright colors and just very artificial. It felt like, okay, if I can't be at home with her, this is the next best thing.

And so during that time, I was able to, I feel like. Organize my schedule a little bit more so that I can get more work during the day while she was there and I could enjoy my evenings with her when I came home. And that was also around the 1st, that was the 1st year where I was separated from her dad.

So we separated right around this time where she went into that school. She started in March and we separated in February. So so it was my 1st year of doing it on my own and, granted, my, my husband at the time he worked in Santiago, which meant he was leaving home at like 6 a. m. and getting home at like 9.

And so it wasn't like he was actually here all day anyway and then when she, when we separated, it was like me from Monday through Friday, which is basically what I was doing, you know, before and and him on the weekends. So to kind of go back to like, how did I, Set these boundaries around my work time when she was at home, because I would definitely say, like, for me, the number one way that I've been able to set those boundaries around that time has been school daycare I.

Especially during pandemic I toyed with the idea of, you know, homeschooling her, especially when I was not very happy with how virtual school was going and she was not excited about it at all, but I realized quickly that I've got a perfectionist tendency in me and to link myself to my daughter's schooling was so.

Not good for my mental health. It was not good for my, like, separation of, you know, this is my work time. This is, you know this is your school time. For me, it was just, it was really necessary. And, and I. Realize this soon, you know, into pandemic that I needed Sophia to go to a school. I needed her.

She needed to go to a school because Sophia and I think also the boundaries is really going to depend on who your kid is. Right. And, and my daughter is very sociable. She loves being with people. She loves being with her friends. She loves being with me. Not so much anymore because she's basically a teenager, so but she does, she, 

she craves that quality time with people and when I am at home and I am, you know, focused on, on work, it's really hard for me to give her that quality time, unless I am very, very strict around my boundaries and run my, you know, my work time. And it has taken a long time for her to. Finally realize like when I'm in a meeting, this is my time.

And so I don't really have like a trick or, or tip for, for anyone really, except that it's a long game and it takes time and patience.

And there's screen time, guys. Like, I know there is. So much going around, you know, about like screens are bad and screens are this and screens are whatever. And I think that any mom, especially moms like me, I was like, I don't, I don't really want to give my kids screen time until I realized, oh, well, screen time also means like English.

And it's like a language learning tool. And but then I also realized like screens keep. Her busy screens, keep her engaged, which is what I essentially wanted her to be. I wanted her to be engaged with something. I didn't want to feel like she is sitting on the floor board out of her mind because I'm working.

And that is also just like some mom guilt and, and, you know, issues of my own where and I have seen new parents allow their kids to be bored and beautiful things come out of it, but it is a long game and it is a lot of frustration and it is a lot of just inner turmoil. I think that a lot of times it's not even like necessarily how the kid is acting.

I think there's just so much conflicting information that we have. Received that there's this kind of inner turmoil within the parents that keeps us from from really like, you know, staying cool and not losing our shit around our kids and boundaries and work and because you.

Because it's like that, that time where you're sitting on the computer and you, you know, are telling your kid to give you a minute there's so much going on there. There's so much going on and it is a struggle and it is hard and I wish I could say there is an easy way. I have not found it the easiest way for me to set the boundary.

Like I said before, it has been having Sophia engaged in a school. Another thing that I do, especially now during the summer is we invite friends over all the time. Sophia is constantly having friends over, inviting friends over to the pool for the day for pajama parties. And I have noticed that.

Like, that, for me, is a relief because she is engaged, she is, you know, being sociable, she is getting exercise in, in the pool, and she's got a friend who does gymnastics as well, and so they can spend hours and hours outside, you know doing cartwheels and whatnot, and That has been a huge game changer for me to be able to, you know, get work done while she is at home especially during the summer and, and those months where she is not in school I'm trying to think what else I would, yeah, I would say that, It does get easier. They do get older. They do, you know, become more obsessed with their friends. Even now, like, even when she doesn't have friends over I can tell you, like, this summer in, in particular, she is staying up later and she's going to sleep later and she's waking up later.

And I have most of my morning, you know, until like one or two o'clock in the afternoon. Where she's just sleeping or she is out and usually like those first couple of hours anyway, she's just like, you know, zoned out watching TV or tick tock or something and she's no longer needing me as much as she did, which is both tragic and also a relief.

So, yeah basically. There are stages, right? There are stages and kids lives. It is hard to, you know, set boundaries around work time. I wish I had like a perfect, you know, system to give you, but that's kind of the point of these of these episodes is to really show you guys, like. This is what I do.

This is what works for me. This is how things kind of have turned out in my life. If you do have a younger kid, maybe this is a little bit of, like, optimism that it does get better. And yeah, I, I have finally been able to cut out the all nighters that I used to do because, like I said, like, sometimes you just need quiet to work and that requires.

You know, some type of like physical boundary where she's either sleeping or at someone else's house or I have my partner now and so I can actually go to a coffee shop if I need that, you know, hard boundary around focused work. I Do also, you know, now I have this office so I have a door that I can close.

So when I am recording podcasts or I am doing work that I don't want to be interrupted. I can close the door and that is kind of a signal for her to at least if she does come in, you know. come in quietly to ask me something. But there are things that she, we, we have had to learn. It's not her learning to respect the boundary.

It's also me learning how, how to set the boundary. Especially when she was, she was younger as well. Like I had to learn that sometimes she does need that, that cup filled. Right. And so I would try to spend quality time with her first. Before, for example, like, leaving her, you know, to watch TV or leaving her to play a game by herself.

And so I could fill up that cup and then I could use that next hour for focus work for me. That was another thing that I did. Especially when she was younger. Also now that she has a little bit more of a concept of time, I can also be like, hey, Sophia I need to get this work done. I'm going to be done.

She always asks me, she's like, well, what time, you know, what time are you going to be free? And I used to be like, no, no, no, just an hour when I really needed two hours. And then that would End up being that second hour of just like, but you already said you there and then, you know, kind of a breakdown in in the trust as well.

And so I've learned to kind of give it a little bit more time and be like, okay, Sophia, you know, it's 1 o'clock right now. Give me until 3. I'm going to get this work done at 3. And then, you know, and then there's a promise, right? And there's a promise to either like, get in the pool with her to play a game with her to watch a show with her and her knowing that.

Also makes it a lot easier for her to respect to the boundary around the time, especially when I am also respecting that boundary that I have given her. Right. I'm ending my work at 3. I'm not saying give me 5 more minutes. Give me 5 more minutes because of that. Like I said is. It tests the boundary myself of my boundary around my work and also my, my boundary around the time that I have, you know, allotted to be with her and to spend time with her.

So it's kind of a long A long winded episode today. There's a lot to say. I would actually be really interested in hearing how you guys have, have worked out the whole, you know, working from home with kids. What are you struggling with? What's worked for you and what has not worked for you?

You know, feel free to reach out on Instagram and and yeah, let me know. So if you liked this episode, you might also enjoy the village, our community and co work space, which offers opportunities for connection, accountability, and intention setting. You can check out the link in the show notes for our upcoming meetups and follow along with our daily prompts this month.

All right, guys, see you next time.