Ep. 84 Other People's Expectations [Jumpstart Your Year: Day 24]

Happy New Year!

Welcome to the 2024 Jumpstart Your Year series, where we're coming to you every day this January with mini episodes to help you get reflecting on what's working and what's not in your parenting and productivity journey.

Our goal with the series is to create momentum and spark creativity so you can go into the new year with clarity and intention.

On Day 24, Christina reflects on the question:

How do you deal with other people's expectations about your availability as a work from home mom?

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Transcript

Christina: Hey, I'm Christina, life and business coach, work from home entrepreneur, homeschooling mom, and co host of the Parenting and Productivity by Design podcast. And to jumpstart your year, we're coming to you every day this month with many episodes to get you reflecting on what's working and what's not in your parenting and productivity journey.

Our goal with this series is to create momentum and spark creativity so you can go into the new year with clarity and intention. All right, so we, if you are a work from home mom, Or if you are somebody that is building a business or doing some side hustle or working on a passion project, I'm sure that you have been in this scenario where, because you have flexibility because you work from home and because others know that You can get into positions where people are asking you or expecting you to be really flexible with your time and being able to do things that typically, if you were working in an office environment, you wouldn't be asked to do.

So it can be anything from watching kids or running errands or just even like meeting for coffee or, you know, fun things like that. Where, because you're working from home, it's sometimes hard. And because you do, we do often have flexibility. It's sometimes hard to figure out where to set those boundaries and how to respond to other people's expectations or other people's requests.

And this is something that's always kind of a delicate balance and I think that you, most people fall into one of two camps. A lot of people fall into people placing where they'll just just say yes, you know, okay, yes. Can, can you watch my kids while you're working today? Sure. Can you pick them up or can you do this or can you drop this people up?

Sure. Without acknowledging the fact that you might've had plans. For what you were planning to get done that day, but now you're not able to that you have projects or things that you're working on and then your work kind of gets pushed aside, or you're trying to do it in other parts where you're already dealing with a lot of distractions.

And you aren't able to really focus in on what you want to do. And be able to, you know, continue to make momentum or be able to hit the deadlines that you need to and things like that. And this can be with friends and relatives. This can be with clients where you're just kind of expected to kind of be on call because you work from home, because you're flexible.

And one of the greatest things about being able to work from home is the flexibility. One of the greatest things about owning your own business is that you can set your own hours. At the same time, that can be really detrimental if you're constantly allowing other people's invitations. It's not always even bad.

Like sometimes it's really great things that you want to be able to do, but needing to look at that and having the ability to prioritize your work into the spaces that it needs to, and not always just saying yes to whatever opportunities or whatever requests come through to you.

And actually what I found too, is that the more that I am clear, about what I want to do, what my intentions are, what my expectations are. The easier it is for me to see whether I have the ability to do something or not. And if it's something that I want to do and I choose to do it to know that I'm going to then have to shift things into other spaces.

in my week or in my day. And that can honestly be motivating. So if there's something that I want to do it can be motivating for me to get things done sooner than I thought that I might had planned to. And when I'm looking at or having people make requests, like to watch kids or to go pick something up or, or do drop offs or things like that, I can actually look at it and say whether it fits or not.

And I found that being clear about it, Has really been really good for relationships on both ways. So if I'm constantly saying yes from just a feeling of guilt or people pleasing or things like that, and I am like, burning myself out, or I'm not able to get things done that I want, or I'm resenting the fact that I'm saying yes to these things.

Sometimes it makes it hard for the other person that relationship to the person that's making their request. They don't, they don't sometimes know if they should make the request, because if you're just going to say yes, they might feel guilty then thinking that they are imposing. So they might not make the request at all or if they're making the request you can have people that are taking advantage and constantly making requests.

And not even realizing the impact that it has on you, which actually hurts the relationship from your end too, because you're feeling taken advantage of. So being really clear is actually kind, it's kind for the relationship. So if somebody contacts me and asks me to do something and I am secure in my own boundaries and what I'm capable of and what I'm able to do so that I can.

say yes or no, then that actually makes it really easy for them because they know that they can make the request at any time and all respond. And simply say yes or no, and they don't have to worry about overthinking. Is she really mean? Yes. Or is this going to be something that's going to put that her out?

Should I try to find something else? It's just, it makes it super easy. And when you have those kinds of relationships and you have those boundaries with people, I think that it makes you a safe place for people to. Really feel comfortable having that. And then for you too, like they know that. They can also be clear and, and be truthful in what they're trying to do.

So if you're asking for things or if you need things, and I just think it creates such a stronger relationship dynamic because you're not constantly trying to accommodate somebody else just because you think that that's what they want. It just. It just makes the whole thing messy. So when you're looking at other people's requests on you and on your time, the biggest thing that you can do for that is just know for yourself what your capabilities are and what is available to you.

And then how can you communicate that clearly? And honestly, if you've had a relationship where somebody is trying to take advantage, it might be really difficult or feel feel kind of. Touchy to say no sometimes or to refuse to do something. And you might feel guilty to because maybe you could if you moved a bunch of things around, make it work.

But. By you showing up in the energy of this is actually important. That's going to change how you show up for your work. It's going to change how you show up for you and also how you are in that relationship. And it's also helping to teach other people how to treat you as well. So if you're constantly just allowing people to just do things Then they're just going to keep taking advantage.

But if you're standing in your own authority and saying, yes, like I am available for this, or I do actually want to be able to help you, or this really, this, I can make this work from a place of security and knowing that that's true, then you have that. Freedom to be able to do it and you can say no and you don't have to say no in a very aggressive or like combative way.

You could simply say, you know, I would love to and I'm not available for that at that time, or I don't have the capacity for it. That's one of my favorite things. I just don't have the capacity for that right now. Because it's not anything against them. It's just you owning your own energy and your own power.

So as you're looking at, like, how do you deal with other expectations, what are some, if you're somebody that has a problem with setting boundaries, how can you get really clear on what you want to do and the time that it takes to do that and then kind of have those set as this is, this is my time and knowing those are more or less like non negotiables.

These are the times that I am available or these are the times that I'm not. And you can refer people to those times that you're available. If they're if they're asking for something. Well, I can't do it this day, but I'm available on Wednesday at this time. And then how can you also create even just like a little cheat sheet of some options.

And if you're not sure, like, give yourself a little bit of space like, Oh, you know what, let me check my calendar on that and let me get back to you or, you know, I, I really want to make sure that I can do this. and get the attention that it deserves. So let me just, let me just check and see what's on my plate and give yourself a little bit of buffer so that you can actually look at it if you're in the habit of just constantly saying yes.

And that way you have just these little go to phrases that you can do and that then you can be able to. Look at it and decide whether that's something that you want to be able to do or not. And again, like, I don't have the capacity for that right now. You know, I'd love to be considered for this in the future.

I really wish that I could help you out, but I'm booked that day. And just looking at it from that point of view and looking at it as you are giving this them the gift of being clear, because sometimes we can overbook ourselves. And then it's, if something doesn't work out later, that's actually harder for the other person.

So if you are upfront and honest about your capacity and your focus, then you can allow other people to have that sense of security and knowing when you agree to something that you're, you're going to commit to it as well. So, for today, think about what is your relationship with expectations of other people, and then what things could you do to set those boundaries and set the priority of your work and your projects that you're doing, and then how can you allow for flexibility and set up like those little cheat sheet phrases that you can turn to if you're in a situation where you need to start implementing more boundaries.

And if you like this episode, you might also like the village, which is our community and co work space where we offer opportunities for connection, accountability and intention setting. You can check out the link in the show notes for upcoming meetups. And you can also get signed up for our daily prompts .

So you can follow along with us as we go through these prompts throughout the month. And be able to work through some of these intention studying questions. And if you'd like more personalized support, feel free to reach out for private coaching or to get added to an email list of upcoming programs and events that'll be coming up that may support you as well.

So thank you for joining me on another episode of Parenting and Productivity by Design. And I look forward to talking with you again. Bye.