How to Stop Getting in Your Own Way - Day 19

Ep. 153 - How to Stop Getting in Your Own Way, Day 19

Episode Summary:

Have you ever felt like you were making real progress toward your goals, only to suddenly hit a wall? Maybe you start procrastinating, doubting yourself, or even creating unnecessary drama in your life. That’s self-sabotage at work—and today, we’re diving into why it happens and how to stop it for good.

In this episode, I break down:

✔️ What self-sabotage really is and why we do it

✔️ The Upper Limit Problem (as explained by Gay Hendricks in The Big Leap)

✔️ How to recognize self-sabotaging behaviors like procrastination, perfectionism, and avoidance

✔️ Practical strategies to overcome self-sabotage and expand your capacity for success

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of starting strong and then derailing yourself, this episode is for you!

Resources & Mentions:

📖 The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

Blog Post: https://christinaslaback.com/2025/02/19/day-19-how-to-stop-self-sabotage-break-through-your-upper-limits/

Resources Mentioned:

• Join The Village: Click here to connect with our community.
• Sign up for the Momentum Challenge: Click here to get started.

Resources & Links

• Follow Christina @christinaslaback
• Email us at hello@christinaslaback.com
• www.christinaslaback.com

Transcript

Day 19 - Stop Self Sabotage

Christina: [00:00:00] we all have this internal thermostat for success, happiness, and love.

And when we start exceeding that limit, when life starts feeling too good, our subconscious freaks out. It tells us, this isn't safe, you're not used to this, better pull back before something goes wrong .

Welcome to Clear and On Purpose, the podcast designed to help you cut through the noise and get back to what matters most. If you're feeling stuck but need to take intentional action, you're in the right place. I'm Kristina Slaibach, homeschooling mom of two and life and business coach, helping you drop in and align with your values and create more space.

Each week I'll be sharing practical insights and simple, Actual steps to help you find clarity, boost your energy and design a life that balances ambition with. Let's dive in and get clear on purpose.

[00:01:00] Welcome back to Momentum Month. We're on day 19, and today we're talking about Self sabotage. Have you ever felt like things were finally clicking, and you were making progress towards your goals? You're feeling good, you're showing up for yourself, and then BAM! You do something that completely derails you.

Maybe you procrastinate on an important project. You stop working out even though you were seeing results. Or you pick a pointless argument with someone you love. I get it. I've been there. I remember a time in my business when things were flowing, clients were coming in, my work felt really aligned, and I was finally starting to feel confident in my direction, and then almost without realizing it, I started overcomplicating things.

I convinced myself that I needed a better system, a new approach, and before I knew it, I was spinning my wheels, second guessing myself, and falling right back into old patterns of doubt and delay. And you know what? That wasn't [00:02:00] just an accident. It's my subconscious trying to keep me safe.

The Upper Limit Problem, and why we self sabotage. Self sabotage isn't just about a lack of discipline or motivation. It's a direct result of what Gay Hendricks calls the Upper Limit Problem in his book, The Big Leap. He explains that we all have this internal thermostat for success, happiness, and love.

And when we start exceeding that limit, when life starts feeling too good, our subconscious freaks out. It tells us, this isn't safe, you're not used to this, better pull back before something goes wrong. Brene Brown has a term for it, called foreboding joy. So when things are feeling really, really good, we can immediately push on the brakes and start to think of terrible things that could happen.

We're trying to lessen the effect of those things happening by anticipating. [00:03:00] So what can we do about this? When we create problems that aren't there, we procrastinate, we start doubting ourselves, we start drama. And it's not because we want to fail, but because on some deep level, we've been conditioned to believe that we don't deserve.

to thrive at that level. And for some people, that limits financials. So maybe you grew up believing that money was scarce and now that you're earning more, you suddenly start spending recklessly or making risky decisions that could bring you back down to where you're comfortable. For others, it's happiness.

Have you ever noticed how sometimes after an amazing weekend or a great personal win, you feel anxious, like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop? That's the upper limit problem at work. And the frustrating thing is that it's usually unconscious. We don't even realize we're doing it.

So how can we recognize when we're in these self sabotaging patterns? [00:04:00] If you've been stuck in a cycle of self sabotage, the first step is awareness. And here's how it's typically going to show up. Procrastination. You put things off even though you want to do them. You just can't get yourself to do it.

Perfectionism. You set impossible standards. And then when you can't meet them, you quit altogether. Negative self talk. You tell yourself you're not smart enough, talented enough, or disciplined enough. So why would you even try? Avoidance and distraction. You suddenly need to clean your entire house instead of working on that project.

 Or you scroll social media for hours instead of doing something meaningful. For me, I've dealt with all of these. And one of the ones that continues to show up is my perfectionism. And it's been a huge way that I've self sabotaged. So there's been times when I didn't [00:05:00] put something out into the world, a project, an idea.

Even this momentum month series. Because I would worry that it wouldn't be good enough. And what I've learned is that waiting for that perfect means you're never starting. And nothing keeps you stuck like not starting. So what is it for you? How does your self sabotage show up? And how can you lean into that notice and adjust?

Are you procrastinating? Are you putting off the things that you really want to do? How can you take action? How can you get yourself into movement? Are you overly self critical? What are the stories that you're telling yourself? Are they even true? How can you rewrite and reframe them? Are you avoiding or distracting yourself?

What are you spending your time doing? Why are you suddenly so busy? What are the things that you're avoiding and trying to get out of? [00:06:00] How can you bring awareness to that so that you can get back on the right path? And how do we break the cycle of self sabotage? How do we stop getting in our own way?

First, we need to recognize when we're hitting an upper limit. When you start pulling back from success, pause and ask yourself, am I hitting an upper limit right now? Just identifying it and naming it can help loosen the grip. Rewire your beliefs about success and happiness. If you believe that success means hard work and struggle, or that you don't deserve to be truly happy, your subconscious is going to find ways to prove that true.

Start rewriting that story. I'm allowed to succeed with ease, and I'm worthy of happiness. Ask your fear what it needs. Next time you catch yourself procrastinating or avoiding something, stop and ask. Fear. Why are you here? A lot of the time that self sabotage is just fear in disguise. [00:07:00] Process your emotions instead of stuffing them down.

So working through things like EFT tapping, breath work, meditation, are all ways that you can work through that fear and discomfort instead of letting it stop you. And let's not confuse avoiding our feelings with working through them. Find ways to actually let those out so that you can move beyond and past it 

get some accountability and support. Surround yourself with people who won't let you play small. Having a coach, a mentor, even just a friend who reminds you of what you're capable of can make all the difference. Lower the bar and take small steps. If perfectionism is holding you back, remind yourself, done is better than perfect.

Progress, no matter how small, is still progress. And if you're struggling with self sabotage, I want you to hear this. It doesn't mean that you're broken. It doesn't [00:08:00] mean that you're not capable. It just means that you're growing and your brain is trying to adjust. So instead of fighting against it, start noticing when it happens.

And ask yourself, what am I really afraid of? And remind yourself that you're worthy of all the success, happiness, and joy that's coming your way. Your job isn't to stay at your upper limit. It's to expand it. And allow more ease, success, and happiness into your life. The more you practice this, the more natural it becomes.

That's it for today's episode. If this resonated with you, I'd love for you to share with a friend who might need it. And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. Remember you are capable of more than you think. And the only thing standing in your way is you, but now you know how to step out [00:09:00] of your own way.

See you tomorrow for day 20.

Thank you for tuning in to Clear and On Purpose. If you're ready to take intentional steps toward a more fulfilling life and want to customize the approach, I'd love to work with you. Visit www. christinaslayback. com to schedule a free consultation or explore current offers designed to help you gain clarity and reclaim your energy.

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