Want a More Peaceful Home? Create House Rules

Ep. Want a More Peaceful Home? Try These 5 Game-Changing Rules

Episode Summary: In today’s episode, we dive into the importance of intentional house rules for creating a peaceful, respectful, and connected family environment. I share five key rules that have helped our family thrive, from fostering kindness and respect between siblings to managing noise levels in our home. Whether you’re looking to strengthen your family relationships or reduce stress at home, this episode offers practical insights and actionable tips to help you set up house rules that reflect your values.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• The importance of creating house rules that align with your family values
• How setting boundaries around teasing and name-calling can improve sibling relationships
• A unique approach to managing noise levels in your home (without stifling your kids’ energy)
• Tips for ensuring your rules grow and evolve with your family’s needs
• How intentional house rules reduce stress and create a more harmonious family dynamic

Featured Rules:

• Rule #1: We Don’t Hurt People or Property—setting boundaries that protect others and the home
• Rule #2:  It’s Okay Not to Share—protecting personal autonomy and encouraging them to want to be generous
• Rule #3: We Get Outside Every Day—Fostering resilience, creativity, and a love of nature, not to mention the numerous health benefits
• Rule #4: No name-calling—why it’s a hard pass and how to foster a safe space for growth.
• Rule #5: Noisy toys and games go outside or downstairs—creating peace and keeping the fun flowing.

Resources Mentioned:

• Brené Brown’s work on shame and vulnerability - Gifts of Imperfection & Daring Greatly
• It's OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids - Heather Shumacker
• Connect with me on Instagram @yourhandle for more family tips and discussions

Call to Action: If this episode resonated with you, take a moment to share your own house rules with me on social media! What’s one rule you love in your family? And what’s one that might need adjusting? Reach out and let’s keep the conversation going!

Thank You for Listening! Thank you for tuning in today! If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who could benefit. You can also find more resources and insights at [Your Website].

Stay tuned for more episodes where we’ll continue to discuss how to show up with intention in your family and life!

Resources Mentioned:

• Join The Village: Click here to connect with our community.
• Sign up for the Momentum Challenge: Click here to get started.

Resources & Links

• Follow Christina @christinaslaback
• Email us at hello@christinaslaback.com
• www.christinaslaback.com

Transcript

House Rules

Christina: [00:00:00] Every family has house rules. Some are verbally spoken and communicated intentionally while others are unconscious and ever changing, but they're there and they shape how we parent and the energy in our home. These rules create the culture of our household. They help our kids know what to expect, what's acceptable and what's not.

Instead of just blindly following what society does or parenting the way your parents did, I wanted to challenge you to ask, do our rules actually support the values we want to instill in our kids? 

Welcome to Clear and On Purpose, the podcast design to help you cut through the noise and get back to what matters most. If you're feeling stuck, but needs to take intentional action, you are in the right place. I'm Christina Slayback, homeschooling mom of two and life and business coach, helping you align with your values and create more space.

Each week I'll be sharing practical insights and simple. Actionable steps to help you find clarity, [00:01:00] boost your energy, and design a life that balances ambition with mates. Let's dive in and get clear on purpose.

Have you had one of those days where it feels like your kids are pushing every single boundary? The whining, the messes, the constant need for attention, and you're wondering, why do I have to say the same things over and over? I've been there, and that's why today we're talking about house rules, because when they're intentional, they can be a lifesaver.

Welcome back to Clear and On Purpose. I'm Christina, and today we're talking about something that plays a huge role in how I parent, how my kids grow, and how our family functions. It's our House rules, but they're not just any rules. And I wanna talk about how we can set intentional values driven guidelines that make everyday parenting easier and [00:02:00] align with the kind of humans that we hope to raise.

So if you're sick of having to make a decision on every single question or complaint that comes up, if you feel like you're not consistent or you don't even have house rules, you're just flying by the seat of your pants and your kids are walking all over you because they don't know when or why some things are acceptable or not, you may wanna consider creating some house rules.

Every family has house rules. Some are verbally spoken and communicated intentionally while others are unconscious and ever changing, but they're there and they shape how we parent and the energy in our home. These rules create the culture of our household. They help our kids know what to expect, what's acceptable and what's not.

Instead of just blindly following what society does or parenting the way your parents did, I wanted to challenge you to ask, do our rules actually support the values we want to instill in our kids? For me, [00:03:00] my parenting is rooted in connection, autonomy, and growth, not only for my children, but also myself.

My goal is always to maintain a strong relationship with my kids, to give them space to grow and allow for mistakes and challenges without shame. So Jay, I wanna share a few of our house rules, not because they should be your house rules, but because I hope that they'll inspire you to reflect on your own and make sure that they truly align with what matters most to you.

So rule one is we don't hurt people or property. This one started when my kids were toddlers. If you've ever had a toddler, you know, they love to push limits, they get overwhelmed and they lash out. My approach was to say yes as much as possible. I want them to feel their feelings and I want them to express them, but there's a boundary.

We don't hurt people and we don't damage property. When I was first parenting a high energy toddler, [00:04:00] he needed constant movement. He was walking at nine months and running shortly after that. When frustration came, he would lash out with his chubby little fist at anyone making him mad. This led to many months of me trailing around after him at play dates, reminding him that we don't hit our friends.

Was it the most fun time of parenting? No, absolutely not. It was awful and lonely. But by holding the boundary and giving alternatives, we moved outta that stage and he's grown to become so respectful of others and their belongings. And it's also forced me to find other outlets for his frustration and anger and to get really creative.

I feel like as a parent, I'm still learning about emotional regulation and learning how to process my own emotions. So being able to see that with my children and working through them, it's also helped to find new ways to get the anger out so they can hit a pillow. They can stomp their feet, they can yell, [00:05:00] they can go run around the house or do something physical.

They can move their bodies and they can jump on our furniture, but not someone else's couch and definitely not on another person. So this simple rule that we don't hurt people or property has helped my kids learn how to manage big emotions while respecting others. The second rule, it's okay not to share.

Ooh. I know this one goes against the grain a little bit, but hear me out. I got this from the book of the same title. It's okay not to share. And it completely shifted my perspective. We've all had that moment when two kids want the same toy and a well-meaning parent. Forces one to give it up, but what are we actually teaching them 

Just because someone else wants it, that their discomfort doesn't matter. And as a recovering people pleaser, this one hit me hard. I don't want my kids to share out of obligation. I want them to want [00:06:00] to share. I also want them to learn patience, emotional regulation, and the reality that we don't always get what we want right away.

There's so many complaints right now about self-entitled children and people that are thinking that they should just get whatever they want right away. And I think that goes back to the same principle.

So instead of forcing sharing, I would use sports casting, sports casting is when you state what's going on objectively without attaching meaning or emotion behind it. So it was something like, oh, Susie really wants that toy. Can she use it when you're done? And it may or may not be that, oh, Bobby over here.

It's still taking his turn and he wants a long turn and yes, that is frustrating. talking through the emotions with the children and being able to express the frustration and be able to express it's actually going on and being able to just [00:07:00] talk it out. More often than not, kids would naturally hand over the toy when they're ready.

That might look like a long term, and if this is something that's new to you, expect those long terms and pushback because. They've been forced to give something up when they aren't ready for so long that they're gonna be testing to see what kind of leeway they're going to get in being able to have ownership over their own items.

And I'll be honest, this one was not always easy. And I definitely got some side eye. Most of us are conditioned to expect children to hand over whatever they have when another kid's wanted. So when I would instead explain that, my child was playing with that right now, and the other kid could have a turn when they were done or when I'd say, oh no, your kid doesn't need to get that up.

They're playing with it and we'll just wait for our turn. It's okay for my kid to be disappointed.It wasn't a perspective that was typically had, but because I was confident in the [00:08:00] reasoning behind what I was doing, I was able to let that go I wanted to remind myself that I'm playing the long game and I want them to choose generosity and not feel forced into it.

As adults, we're never expected to hand over our new phone just because a coworker wants to use it. It's absurd. So why do we hold our children to this different standard? this approach has built stronger sibling relationships, relationships with friends and relatives, better emotional intelligence and a sense of personal autonomy.

And yes, this looks different when we're in public dealing with communal toys, but the principle is the same. So be the weird one, be the one that's holding the boundary. Rule number three, we go outside every day. So this started with my own personal 365 outside challenge, and now it's a non-negotiable in our house, no matter the weather, no matter what's going on, we spend at least 20 minutes outside.

Sometimes we go for a walk. Sometimes the kids just play, [00:09:00] but we make it happen. Research shows that being outside reduces stress, improves sleep, boosts creativity, and fosters connection. If this were a pill, we'd all be paying top dollar for it, and as a bonus, it naturally reduces screen time.

When the kids are outside moving their bodies and engaging with nature, they want to be there instead of glue to a screen. And for families who say their kids just don't like going outside, I push back on that. My kids didn't naturally wanna go outside and play by themselves either. It took me going out with them, playing with them, setting up time to explore and providing different experiences.

Some days we'd play in the yard, other times we'd go on bike rides, meet up with friends for a hike. Try different playgrounds, have picnics, do scavenger hunts, or learn about the plants and animals around us. Nobody wants to just go outside to hang out in their yard every day. by making it exciting and getting involved, you can help to build the habit.

At first, I had [00:10:00] to go out with them every time and facilitate play ideas, but eventually they figured out their own play and now they go out on their own without me even asking because it's a standard we set. it's not only a standard for them, but also for me. I'm modeling the behavior that I want them to have.

If I want them to go outside every day, then I need to also go outside every day. And frankly, it's better for myself too. the first 15 minutes are usually the hardest. that's how long it takes for them to get engaged in creative play. wait out those first 15 minutes of complaining.

They'll usually come up with something exciting that will keep them out there. add fun elements like outdoor only snacks to build excitement. This is something I did with my kids when they were toddlers. We would go on hikes once or twice a week as part of our getting outside challenge.

And we had a certain set of snacks that were only available for those hikes. We would go out there and they would get excited even if they weren't excited about being outside because they got to enjoy their snacks while [00:11:00] they were doing it, and it paired something that they enjoyed with something that they were just learning to enjoy at that point.

Rule number four, no name calling. I stumbled onto this one through Brene Brown's work on shame, and she talked about how siblings more than anyone else, have the most ammunition to wound each other. They know the weak spots, the soft places, and they can cut deep. I want my kids to feel safe with each other, to have strong connections and relationships, and to know that home is a place where they're built up and not torn down.

I encourage our children to be kind humans. For our family, we value encouraging each other. If someone's teasing or giving a hard time, I'll step in and remind them that we wanna be encouraging. I come from a really close family and my siblings are some of my best friends, but it wasn't always that way, I used to be very hurtful with my words.

I'm lucky that we have strong enough bonds to remain close, but I want my [00:12:00] children to be friends with each other. I wanna mitigate the harm they can cause one another. The world is tough enough. We don't need to be that way at home. shaming can be tricky to pinpoint in general, but we know it when we see it.

So when it comes to name calling, it's an easy, hard pass for us. That's something they can notice right away and we can have a very hard line on. That doesn't mean we don't joke or tease or even argue, but it does mean we do so with respect and we check in to ensure everyone feels good about it.

We talk about how words carry weight and how teasing can sometimes hurt more than we realize, and how we can communicate in ways that keep our relationship strong. Role number five, noisy toys and games go outside or downstairs. This one is really just for me. I get overstimulated by a lot of noises and auditory stimulation.

When I'm overstimulated, I'm less patient. I'm quicker to frustration, and I [00:13:00] can mentally check out with two very loud kids. That can be a lot. But I realized that having quiet children wasn't realistic or even what I wanted for them. Kids are supposed to be loud, so I needed to find a solution that would maintain my piece while giving them an outlet.

When they were little, I started regulating all the noisy toys. Thank you, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, and uncles If it made a noise, it went downstairs or they could take it outside. It kept me from sending all those toys to the donation center. It allowed them still to enjoy them, and it made it much easier on my nervous system.

The same went for loud, rough, and tumble play. They could wrestle, have yelling, games go bananas. They had to take that play outsider downstairs by restricting where it could happen, I was able to say yes much more often while preserving my sanity. Yes, you can play the drums. Outsider downstairs. Yes, that wrestling Jedi lightsaber game is awesome.

Outsider downstairs, [00:14:00] are they still loud? Absolutely. Does a magic sound barrier exist? So I don't hear them now at all. No, but it does lessen the impact and it creates a much more peaceful home for all of us, and it allows me to show up as the intentional parent that I want to much more often. So consider this.

If you don't have explicit house rules, it doesn't mean they don't exist, but they might not be clear or aligned with your values. By creating intentional house rules, you can reduce stress and create a more harmonious home. I hope that by sharing some of our house rules, you'll find ideas that help your family function better and keep your connection strong.

They aren't set in stone. They adapt as we grow, but the intention behind them remains the same. I encourage you to reflect on your house rules. Do they support the values you want to instill? Are they truly serving your kids or are they just there? Because [00:15:00] that's how it's always been done.

And here's a question for reflection. What's one house rule you love in your family? And what's one that might need adjusting? Feel free to share your house rules on social media and tag me. I'd love to know what you do in your family, and if anything I shared today sparked a question or you want me to go deeper on a topic, maybe about handling screen time or getting kids outside, let me know.

You can reach me on Instagram or drop a review with your thoughts. Thanks for spending this time with me. Now go enjoy your people. Set some intentional rules, and keep showing up for your family with purpose. Until next time, stay clear and on purpose.

Thank you for tuning in to clear and on purpose. If you're ready to take intentional steps toward a more fulfilling life and wanna customize the approach, I'd love to work with you. Visit www.christinaslayback.com to schedule a free [00:16:00] consultation or explore current offers designed to help you gain clarity.

And reclaim your energy. don't forget to subscribe and share this episode with a friend if you found it helpful. It helps others find the show and grow our community.