Stop Focusing on Less: The Secret to Getting More of What You Want

In today’s episode of Clear & On Purpose, we’re talking about a mindset shift that changes everything—especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or constantly trying to cut things out of your life. Whether it’s your diet, your parenting, or your schedule… our default tends to be: do less, eat less, cut back. But what if that’s not the most effective path?

I break down why focusing on subtraction keeps us stuck in the very patterns we’re trying to escape—and how a simple switch to focusing on what we do want can change our mindset, our energy, and our results.

You’ll hear practical examples from parenting, health, and everyday life to help you:

• Shift from restriction to abundance
• Reframe negative self-talk into clear direction
• Use your brain’s wiring to your advantage
• Help your kids follow directions more effectively
• Feel more aligned, energized, and on purpose

Whether you’re trying to eat healthier, stop yelling at your kids, or just get a little more peace in your day—this episode will give you tangible tools to create change that feels good.

What You’ll Learn:

• Why “don’t do this” isn’t effective (for you or your kids)
• How your focus creates your reality—and how to shift it
• A better way to improve your habits and build momentum
• Tips for rewiring your brain for clarity, joy, and action
• How this strategy helped in my nonprofit leadership, business, and motherhood

Resources Mentioned:

• Join The Village: Click here to connect with our community.
• Sign up for the Momentum Challenge: Click here to get started.

Resources & Links

• Follow Christina @christinaslaback
• Email us at hello@christinaslaback.com
• www.christinaslaback.com

Transcript

Christina: [00:00:00] But when we focus only on what we want to remove, we're still giving all our attention to the thing that we don't want. We're directing our energy, our thoughts, and our actions around the very thing that we want to avoid. 

Welcome to Clear and On Purpose, the podcast design to help you cut through the noise and get back to what matters most. If you're feeling stuck, but needs to take intentional action, you are in the right place. I'm Christina Slayback, homeschooling mom of two and life and business coach, helping you drop in and align with your values and create more space.

Each week I'll be sharing practical insights and simple. Actionable steps to help you find clarity, boost your energy, and design a life that balances ambition with mates. Let's dive in and get clear on purpose.

Our instinct is often to cut back when we [00:01:00] feel stressed, when we want to improve our diets, when we wanna change our kids' behavior, we say we need more time, but usually that sounds like I need to do less. We talk about wanting to cut calories, sugar, carbs. We want our kids to have less scream time, yell less, be less disrespectful.

But when we focus only on what we want to remove, we're still giving all our attention to the thing that we don't want. We're directing our energy, our thoughts, and our actions around the very thing that we want to avoid. Avoiding what we don't want can be helpful as a signal. It tells us that something's off when we're out of alignment.

It doesn't actually get us closer to what we do want. Instead, what if we use those moments as information a compass and asked, what do I want more of? I want to do [00:02:00] more of what I love, relax, recharge, connect with friends. I want to eat more protein, fruits and vegetables.

I want to get outside more, have more fun, and create more joy. When we focus on what we want to add, we create momentum in that direction. Our energy gets a purpose. We have a focal point, and the things that we didn't want, they begin to naturally fade. I noticed this theory of adding rather than subtracting, especially in parenting.

When I would talk to my toddler, so much of the language was reactive. Don't touch that. Don't put that in your mouth. Don't climb on that chair. And of course, they'd keep doing exactly what I told them not to. But when I shifted my language to focus on what I did want them to do, come play with these toys.

Here. You can eat this. Chairs are for sitting. It gave them direction and clarity, and it helped me [00:03:00] stay calm and it reinforced that connection rather than conflict. by focusing on what I did want them to do, I was setting them up to be able to meet my expectations. I was giving them a way to be able to utilize and direct their energy in a way that was going to be in line with what needs to be happening. So why does this work? Your brain locks in on the input that you give it.

It's that classic. Don't think of elephants. What happens if you're told not to think of a pink elephant? You immediately think of a pink elephant. Our brains zero in on what we tell them, so let's start telling them what we do want. If I try to eat better by obsessing over what I can't eat, I shouldn't have the cookie.

My brain gets stuck in that loop. I'm in a cycle of craving and restriction. I'm utilizing so much willpower and [00:04:00] self-discipline in order to avoid this thing that I'm constantly thinking about. But if I shift my focus to what I do want to include protein at every meal, I wanna get a rainbow of fruits and vegetables in every day.

I stay grounded in the abundance and, and not that scarcity. I'm looking for more things that I can bring in, and that's my focus. And because I'm fueling myself well, that cookie probably isn't even gonna hold the same power. I'm gonna be full on all the things that I wanted to bring in, and I won't even have the desire to have that additional things that I don't necessarily need.

It's rewiring how we think. When we focus on what we want more of, we shift into a mindset of positivity and potential. We're building new neural pathways, ones that help us recognize opportunities and not just problems. And this doesn't just [00:05:00] impact how we talk to ourselves. It changes how we interact with our kids, our teams, our work.

Start by noticing how often your language to yourself and others is framed in the negative.

I shouldn't do that thing. I need more time. I don't have enough energy. Try flipping it. Not to fake positivity or to avoid reality, but to intentionally reframe. What do I want to say? What do I want to experience? What can I add? One of the biggest exercises that I work with with my clients on this is looking at an idea of what would feel really good,

what do I want in this moment, and being able to look at it from a perspective of abundance and. [00:06:00] Bringing more into our lives rather than taking it away.

We're getting the same results and we're not having to work as hard. We aren't having to rely on that self-discipline, on that willpower. We're not having to. Direct all of our attention on what's not going well, and we start to open ourselves up to all the things that are going right. We start to see more glimmers.

We bring in more gratitude, we bring in more positivity, and that's just a natural byproduct of it.

As a parent, I tried really hard, especially when the kids were little. To try to say no as little as possible, and it didn't mean that I let them do whatever they wanted. It meant that I found different ways to communicate boundaries. Ones that were focused on what was possible rather than what was off limits.

And that small shift changed how I parented [00:07:00] It made me more present. It made my kids more responsive. Honestly, it taught me skills that I still use in business, in coaching and in life. When we train our brains to look for what's working, we start to see solutions. When we focus on what we add, what, when we focus on what we want to add, the rest tends to fall away.

So have you've been noticing yourself in this period in a period of time where you're constantly saying, no. Or where you're noticing where everything isn't going well, where things just aren't lining up how they want to, how you are looking at it from a place of not having the time, not having the energy, not having enough peace and quiet, not having the things that you want.

How can you look at it in a way and reframe [00:08:00] to see what you wanna add rather than take away?

Rather than trying to eliminate all the things that we think are the problem in our lives, how can we look to add more things that do bring us joy? How can I bring in more things that support me emotionally, physically, mentally? How can I bring in more things and more connections and opportunities? How can I get together with friends?

How can I bring in more fun? Joy into my life. How can I bring more in that's gonna fill me up and make me show up better? How can I bring in more of the things that are nourishing and plentiful and that make me feel alive and energized? And if you are looking to add more of that into your life, if you're looking to get more clarity.

Reach out for private coaching. This is something that I work with my clients on all the time, is finding and getting in touch with those [00:09:00] things that they wanna add in, and being able to build in the energy and the time and the resources to be able to do the things that you really want to create that life that you desire.

Whether that's in parenting, whether it's in business, it applies to all of it. Thank you for tuning in, and I look forward to seeing you next time.

Thank you for tuning in to clear and on purpose. If you're ready to take intentional steps toward a more fulfilling life and wanna customize the approach, I'd love to work with you. Visit www.christinaslayback.com to schedule a free consultation or explore current offers designed to help you gain clarity.

And reclaim your energy. And don't forget to subscribe and share this episode with a friend if you found it helpful. It helps others find the show and grow our community.