How to Overcome Perfectionism When Writing a Nonfiction Book - BM525

Are you actually stuck… or are you hiding behind perfection?

Most nonfiction authors say they’re “not ready.”
 Kristin Bentley calls that out for what it is.

As founder and CEO of EP House, Kristin has spent 25+ years helping leaders, experts, and change-makers turn lived experience into books that matter. In this conversation, she breaks apart the idea that confidence comes first… and replaces it with something far more uncomfortable and far more effective.

Because the truth?
 You don’t think your way into writing a book. You write your way into clarity.

What This Episode Will Challenge:

“Ready” is a moving target.
If you’re waiting for it, you may be waiting forever.

Clarity doesn’t come before the work.
It shows up because of it… and only if you start.

Outlines can help… or quietly stall you.
There’s a fine line between structure and avoidance.

Writer’s block isn’t random.
It’s usually pointing to something deeper you’d rather not face.

Your voice gets lost the moment you try to please everyone.
And most authors don’t realize when that’s happening.

Kristin also shares how to use tools like AI without losing your voice, how to move through resistance without forcing it, and why your first draft should feel a little uncomfortable if you’re doing it right.

If you’ve been circling your book, tweaking your outline, or telling yourself you’ll start “soon”… this episode will hit closer than expected. So, tune in now!

Here's how to connect with Kristin:

Website: EPHouse.co

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristin-hernquist-bentley
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kristin.hernquist.bentley

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Transcript

Susan Friedmann [00:00:00]:
Welcome to Book Marketing Mentors, the weekly podcast where you learn proven strategies, tools, ideas and tips from the masters. Every week I introduce you to a marketing master who will share their expertise to help you market and sell more books. Today, my special guest is Kristin Bentley. She's the founder and CEO of EP House, a boutique publishing company devoted to books that create real world impact. With over 25 years of experience, she guides aspiring authors, leaders and change makers through the process of turning lived experience into meaningful manuscripts. Kristin believes writing a book isn't about being ready. It's about willingness, structure, and the courage to begin before clarity arrives. Kristen, what a pleasure it is to welcome you to the show and and thank you for being this week's guest, expert and mentor.

Kristin Bentley [00:01:02]:
Thank you for having me on.

Susan Friedmann [00:01:04]:
You talk about why ready is a lie for nonfiction authors. I really like that. What exactly do you mean?

Kristin Bentley [00:01:13]:
The word ready is something that we often believe is a preparation. It's a line of events that we need to do before we start the action. But the truth is, if we wait until we are ready to write our book, we stay stuck. There is no movement forward. The word ready is an actual action word. We have to begin by just doing it.

Susan Friedmann [00:01:46]:
That's so true. I mean, the number of times I'm thinking, not ready to do this, but you've got to take that first step because otherwise, as you say, you're always preparing and you're never actually getting there.

Kristin Bentley [00:02:02]:
Absolutely. And because of the process of writing, it's through the actual action that we end up coming up with the messages for the book. The ideas come after we begin, not before.

Susan Friedmann [00:02:20]:
So why do you think so many sort of smart, capable people wait to feel confident about writing instead of letting the writing build that confidence?

Kristin Bentley [00:02:33]:
I think the majority of people who write a certain type of book. So when we think of nonfiction books, yes, there are memoirs. However, the majority of nonfiction books are not in that genre. Their professional books, their personal development books. And when we look at the demographic of people who write these books, they are high achieving professionals and there's a certain way that they operate on a daily basis in their business. We often take that model and apply it to everything that we do to include how we write a book.

Susan Friedmann [00:03:17]:
Talk more about that. That's an interesting concept.

Kristin Bentley [00:03:20]:
We start with the outline, right? So high achieving authors are going to start with creating an outline. They're going to create the structure, they're going to create the bullet points and all of the topics that they're going to be talking about in the book. Now, having that model, having that structure, is an okay thing to have because it does give you an idea of what the book is going to be about. But if we spend our time rewriting and editing and changing that outline, we're never going to get past the outline into the actual writing.

Susan Friedmann [00:04:04]:
I think I might have shared this with you before, but when I wrote my, well, both Dummies books, I've written two Dummies books. I've written a Four Idiot's Guidebook. And the rule when you're working with both Wiley and Penguin is that you write the table of contents first. And the table of contents is so in depth. I mean, any of the listeners, if you've looked at a dummy's book, look at those pages of contents. There's like 10 pages of content, and it goes into depth of everything is covered in each chapter. And I thought, when I first did this, I was like, this is a pain. I just want to get in and start writing.

Susan Friedmann [00:04:47]:
And they don't want that. They want that. So what you're doing is you're building that skeleton, that outline, and then it's so much easier to put the meat on the bones. I don't know if that's, you know, when you talk about an outline, how in depth you think about an outline, but this is an extreme. I know it is.

Kristin Bentley [00:05:09]:
And it's good to have that structure before you begin, because otherwise you're going to end up taking all these extra side streets that have nothing to do with what the book is about. Right. It gets chaotic, it's unorganized. There's no flow, there's no sense. So it's really important to have those outlines because they keep you on task. However, at the same time, they also have the potential of putting you into a box that prevents innovation, that prevents movement of idea and thought. Because the truth is, once we start writing, the idea of what our book is going to be about, it evolves once we're actually in the writing process.

Susan Friedmann [00:05:59]:
It's so true, because I got a dear friend who always says, there's no such thing as a writer's block. You just start writing. I was like, oh, yes. I've been through those situations where I sit there looking at the screen or a blank piece of paper and nothing's happening. I just start off, I don't know what to write, but if I did know, what would it be about? And somehow then I look out and pick an object, or maybe look out into the garden, or I see a bird and I start writing. About that. And all of a sudden, one idea stems to another one, another one, another one. It sort of feeds that.

Susan Friedmann [00:06:42]:
Have you found that?

Kristin Bentley [00:06:44]:
I have, absolutely. And when we think of writer's block just to kind of back up a few steps, to go back to that, writer's block shows up for three different reasons. This is what I have at least found to be true. And the three reasons are, there's the imposter syndrome, there's the fear of vulnerability. Because the truth is, even when you're writing a professional book, there's a part of you that goes into it, there's part of your story, and the other piece is the overwhelm. You're absolutely right. There's a statistic out there that states if we sit down and consistently write for 45 minutes, we're going to be able to get past that inner critic, that inner voice. The words will start to flow, and we meet less resistance.

Kristin Bentley [00:07:34]:
If we can write for more than 15 minutes, from the 16 minute to the 45 is when we find our productivity point. So if you're having that moment of being stuck, you have to keep writing for that full 45 minutes, and it'll still be productive, as you just said.

Susan Friedmann [00:07:53]:
It's funny because when I wrote my first book, I mean, it was something that was suggested to me as a way to build credibility. I had no inkling that I was going to write one. It was the furthest thing from my mind. But when I asked for direction with my business, this man of wisdom said to me, write a book. And I set myself a goal that every night I would write at least two pages. And I couldn't move until I had written those two pages. I had a sign above my desk that said bum glue. I was glued to my seat.

Susan Friedmann [00:08:38]:
And some days it was painful to write, and other days I could write more than two pages, but. But my minimum was two. Had you ever thought of that kind of an exercise?

Kristin Bentley [00:08:50]:
Yes, that's really kind of. It falls in the same thread, doesn't it? It's a matter of just committing to some type of movement forward. I tell my authors that there are going to be days when the words are not flowing. Perhaps on those days, create a list, make bullet points, go back to the outline, and consider whether anything needs to be shifted or changed. As long as you're making some movement forward in the writing of your book, it's still movement forward.

Susan Friedmann [00:09:25]:
What's coming to mind now. And I hadn't thought about asking this for you, but it just came in. I was like, okay, so where does AI come into this?

Kristin Bentley [00:09:37]:
I love that you're asking that question. Because specifically, folks that are looking to write a book don't really know what the benefits are to that. The ethics that are to that, if you will. The truth is, some of my authors that I'm working with use AI to assist them with creating flow and putting the ideas together. AI can work as a wonderful tool to help you brainstorm. If you're looking to put your outline together, it can expand upon that outline. I think using AI as a tool is incredibly beneficial, but also having an understanding that you're the one that needs to guide it, they need to come from your ideas in order for it to create the benefits and the results that you're looking for.

Susan Friedmann [00:10:33]:
I love that you said that, and you said it so beautifully. Yes, it is a tool. I mean, that's how I love to use it. Yeah. Expanding on something that I might not have considered because it isn't married to anything that I say or type in that. Yes. It just expands that and gives you other opportunities. And I love comparing other things that are unrelated to my subject and finding out what's the connection between, let's say, a banana and book marketing.

Susan Friedmann [00:11:11]:
I just pulled that out of my head. But Chat will come up with something.

Kristin Bentley [00:11:17]:
It'll share a quote from somewhere that triggers a thought. And that's really what it comes back down to, is that they're still your thoughts, they're still your ideas. The AI is just guiding you, maybe in a different way, that again, it goes back to that space of innovation.

Susan Friedmann [00:11:35]:
There's often a lot of excitement when we start a book. We've got all these ideas, and then as we go on, the longer it takes to write, there's this excitement starts to wane and the book starts to feel like it's heavy. And what can writers do to sort of get over those hump periods where you really are like, oh, why did I decide to do this? Is.

Kristin Bentley [00:12:07]:
Yes, that is such a common experience, isn't it? There's the peaks and the valleys that come with the writing process. It's. I kind of liken it to running a marathon or climbing Mount Everest. That's another big one. Right. Because the idea of it seems so unbelievably overwhelming. And so you have to do it in phases. You have to do it, you know, a mile at a time, a base camp at a time.

Kristin Bentley [00:12:33]:
I think the important thing to do is when you start understanding that you are going to reach that valley where it's going to feel like a chore to sit down as you called, bum glued in that chair. It's going to be a chore. It's not going to be something that you're looking forward to. One of the things that I tell my authors to do is to set ways to celebrate the small movements that they're making, to break it up into more attainable segments of writing and then to celebrate. Once you achieve those goals, you have to take a break from it as well. If you write the first part and it's maybe the first six chapters of the book, and you're starting to feel yourself slump into that valley and to take a break, to step away, to get outside, to go find something else that inspires you in some way. If you're a runner, go out and make sure you're still running. Lean into those hobbies that fill you with inspiration and creativity, whether it's music, whether it's painting, drawing, whatever that looks like.

Kristin Bentley [00:13:52]:
We sometimes have to find inspiration from places outside of the book. And so we need to have that understanding and to seek them.

Susan Friedmann [00:14:00]:
Yeah, those breaks are really, really important as long as they don't get too long. Because sometimes you're like, oh, I can't do this anymore. I'm going to put it aside and get back to it. And then I've recently had an author who took 20 years to write a book. Kudos that they finished it, but I don't know it should have taken that long.

Kristin Bentley [00:14:25]:
Well, just like with exercising, right? If you're an avid, let's go back to runner and you take a week off. They say a week off is like taking off a full month. It takes you a full month to get back to where you were before that. And so writing is kind of the same way. I would recommend a week, but make sure that you come back to it. And maybe that commitment to yourself is by setting a calendar reminder in your phone and you're making an appointment with yourself. Because if you think of it this way, if you view your book and completing your book as you doing something for yourself, for your future self, for you, incorporating some type of goal and achievement that is going to professionally move you forward in a way to achieve a new level of, let's say you're looking to step into more public speaking opportunities, it's an investment and a commitment into yourself. So if you think of it that way and you make time on your calendar and you commit to really comes down to that, to committing to completion and to the goals that you've Set.

Susan Friedmann [00:15:44]:
Yeah, I mean, that commitment to yourself, which is often really hard because you put other people in front of yourself. I'm speaking from experience that often other people's. You get involved with a project and that takes over also the thought, though, that your book is going to be of service to somebody else, your target audience. Also maybe focusing on that solution, that incredible. Yeah. Solution method system that you know about and that you want to share with them. Thoughts on that?

Kristin Bentley [00:16:27]:
I completely agree with you. When I start working with a new author, we always start with what are the three things that need to happen for this to have been worth it for your time, for your financial investment that you're putting into it? What three things need to happen when that book goes out into the world for it to be worth it? Every single one of them, their number one goal is for it to make a difference in somebody else's life. It's always an act of service. I often share this incredible story. I always recommend too, to my authors that they get uncomfortable as often as they can, because if you think of that process of writing a book, you're really stepping into that uncomfortable space. I had signed up for this TEDx coaching workshop, and the coach shared a personal story of when he gave his first TEDx. And if you think about this, your book is essentially a version of that TEDx. Right.

Kristin Bentley [00:17:40]:
It's sharing a message that goes out into the world for purpose, for meaning, for some form of mission. And his first TEDx he did when he was 19 years old. I cannot even imagine being 19 years old and standing on a TEDx stage. I don't know if I could have done it. And he said that the reason why he was able to was his whole intention was to build a school in a small village in Africa. And so he got on that stage and he shared how through the education of young girls, we're able to lift villages, to lift countries. Right. And there's this trickle effect as to how educating young girls raises the economic growth of full countries.

Kristin Bentley [00:18:30]:
And he moved his audience so deeply that he built not one, but three schools.

Susan Friedmann [00:18:39]:
Wow.

Kristin Bentley [00:18:39]:
And. And if we think of it that way, our books have the power to do that. And so you're right. It always stems from. From that space. And so when you think of what those professional goals are, it's because those professional goals are gonna create opportunities to bring that message to an even larger platform.

Susan Friedmann [00:19:03]:
Yes. I mean, that's an astounding story. And it gave me goosebumps listening to you share it, because that I'd not heard. And you're right. The power of not only the spoken word, but the written word and your book comes out is you speaking. Because speaking, training, coaching, those are incredibly powerful ways in which you can get your thoughts, your feelings, your inspiration and motivation to others. So, yes. What a great story.

Susan Friedmann [00:19:42]:
Wonderful. What mistakes do you find that authors make?

Kristin Bentley [00:19:47]:
That's a really good question. I would say that when they're in the initial stage of writing their rough draft, of going over their chapter too many times, what I say is the very first draft of our chapter is going to be in its most true, most raw, most authentic voice. Every single time we go back and we revise it, we unintentionally water down our message. What I call we turn our book into a people pleaser. Because we're wondering, did I say that the right way? Maybe I shouldn't share that. Maybe I need to change this over here. Let's move this. And the message ends up coming out completely different.

Kristin Bentley [00:20:49]:
Every time we go back through now it's different if we're going to go back and we're going to check where we missed those commas and maybe this should be a semicolon. But that's not what we do. We're going back through because we're second guessing ourselves. That inner critic is chattering in our ear and we're listening to it. What I always recommend is when you're done with that rough draft and it's called rough for a reason, it is rough. Right. There is nothing polished about that initial draft. And that's okay.

Kristin Bentley [00:21:28]:
Once it's complete, move it over into a completed chapter folder and don't touch it again until you've finished your very last chapter.

Susan Friedmann [00:21:40]:
Those are wise words because you're right. I mean, until I learned that it was okay to do this sort of rough draft. I think very many authors think that, that the greats of the greats just sat down and wrote War and Peace or whatever book that they wrote, that they just sat down and wrote it. But the truth is, and I think Hemingway talks about this, is that I think he calls it the dirty draft. It's just like the first time. You're just getting those thoughts out there and then you start going in and, well, maybe this thought should go over here and you start moving things around and writing it in a way that is more like what you want it to be. Yes. Not going in.

Susan Friedmann [00:22:33]:
And I mean, I love wordsmithing and that is the worst thing you can do, especially in the beginning, maybe at the end. But not in the beginning, absolutely.

Kristin Bentley [00:22:44]:
I think the. And if I can, I'd like to add a second, a number two. I think the second mistake is writing in a voice that's not yours, writing in a voice that you think you should be writing in. And I love that you said Hemingway because that's always an example. We have this idea of this Hemingway esque voice, of how our words are supposed to flow a certain way. And what ends up happening is the message comes out and it's completely missing the mark. It's not in alignment with who we are, what we're trying to say, or our brand. And when you think of it this way, a book is your brand.

Kristin Bentley [00:23:30]:
It's your personal brand. So if you are to put your book out there into the world in a voice that does not belong to you, you are doing yourself and the world a disservice. The world wants to hear what you have to say in your way, in your voice. Write your book the way that you talk.

Susan Friedmann [00:23:50]:
Yeah, absolutely. Again, this whole idea of AI comes in that people are sitting down and they're saying, oh, well, I can produce a book in a weekend or just very quickly through with AI. But that goes to the fact that this is not your voice, this is AI's voice. You want it to be you. That's against the people who think that they can just churn something out so easily. Kristen, this is a great segue for you to share how our listeners can find out more about you and the services you offer.

Kristin Bentley [00:24:29]:
Absolutely. We offer book coaching and we do publishing. We're in the process of launching a few platforms that are going to provide additional tools to authors. I would advise you listeners to check out EPHouse Co and we're going to be launching those platforms from that website.

Susan Friedmann [00:24:58]:
Beautiful. Yes. And go check it out. They're a superb group listeners. And Kristen, as you know, we always have our guests leave our listeners with a golden nugget. You've given us so many. So I'm just going to ask you for one more to share with them. What words of wisdom would you like to leave them with?

Kristin Bentley [00:25:20]:
I would say that when we think of the message that we most want to be putting out in the world, I've had authors tell me that they have probably 25 books in them that they can write and they can't decide what book they should write. I'm myself guilty of that. I think I have probably five different manuscripts that I've written. When you think of the first book or the second book that you want to write out that you want to be writing what most represents the legacy that you're looking to leave. Think about that long term mark that you want to be leaving on the world. What do you most want to be remembered for? Your number one thing is going to be your first book. The second thing you most want to be known for is going to be your second book.

Susan Friedmann [00:26:15]:
I love that prioritization because I've had that same question. You're right that they've got so many ideas for books in their mind and it's like, okay, where should I start? I want to do this one versus that one. I said, where's your passion? What is it, as you said, that you most want to put out there? That's the one you should begin with. So yes, I love it. Thank you. This has been amazing, Kristin, so thrilled that we got you on the show. And listeners, if your book isn't selling the way you want it or expect it to, let's you and I jump on a quick call together to brainstorm ways to ramp up those sales. Because you've invested a whole lot of time, money and energy and it's time you got the return you were hoping for.

Susan Friedmann [00:27:03]:
So go to bookmarketingbrainstorm.com to schedule your free call. And in the meantime, I hope this powerful interview sparks some ideas you can use to sell more books. Until next week, here's wishing you much book and author marketing success.

Here's how to connect with Kristin:

Website: EPHouse.co

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristin-hernquist-bentley
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kristin.hernquist.bentley