Authentic Thriving Podcast

A Father's Gift: Understanding the Different Types of Fatherhood

Abies Sonia

Fatherhood extends far beyond biological connections, encompassing various roles that shape children's lives and emotional development. We explore the different types of fathers and their unique challenges and contributions to family dynamics.

• Present fathers provide emotional availability and demonstrate that nurturing isn't exclusively maternal
• Absent fathers may be physically present but emotionally unavailable, potentially leading to attachment issues in children
• Foster fathers offer stability to children who have experienced trauma, requiring exceptional patience and flexibility 
• Adoptive fathers make permanent commitments, often navigating cultural differences with sensitivity and unconditional love
• Stepfathers must build trust gradually rather than imposing authority in blended family situations
• Single fathers juggle both parental roles simultaneously, needing strong support networks
• Father figures provide guidance without biological connections through shared values
• New fathers experience significant transitions requiring adaptation and patience

Remember, all fathers matter and make our world a better place through their love, sacrifice, and guidance. It's never too late to become present in your child's life.


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Speaker 1:

Thank you, daddy, for everything that you have done. He has blessed you and your family. Happy Father's Day. God bless you.

Speaker 2:

I'm not sure what to say because I don't even know the perfect word to describe him, but he means a lot to me and he holds a very, very high space in my heart. Whenever I want to give stuff like this, he always gets me a bush oda. And I don't want to get a bush oda. I think that would be awful. Thank you very much. Happy Father's Day to my dad. I love him so much. And happy Father's Day to all fathers out there.

Speaker 4:

Happy Father's Day. Thank you for being hardworking. I love when you make your different cooking and your fish stew especially. One thing that I admire about you is that you're very dedicated and focused to what you do. And happy Father's Day to all the fathers in the world. Thank you for being a lovely father.

Speaker 5:

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there. Happy Father's day to my dad. Um, I just want to say a few things that he does that money can't buy, like, for example, when he drops me off at work or drops me off at college. Um, during those times, he uses that time to bond with me, and those are memories that we can't like, ever forget. And he also, like he advises me on stuff that I needed for the future, like, for example, financial gain and also life situations, and these are things I'm not going to forget and I'm very thankful for. Thank you very much and happy father's day my father is man of his word.

Speaker 6:

He always does the best for his children. He's forever sacrificing just for us, and I appreciate his dedication. He encourages us to learn more about our culture and I respect his passion. He is man of motivation and persistence. I love him so much.

Speaker 3:

Happy father's day so, for fathers out there, it's very important you know that you are heard, you are seen and you are valued, someone who is there to cover you and stand in for you, a provider and one who protects. My father did what he could do as a father and played his role as a father. However, I have a heavenly father. I'm of a christian faith and I have a heavenly father who is able to cover me all around and even cover the areas where my earthly father hasn't covered, and so I I appreciate my earthly father for the role he played and I also give him grace for the areas he wasn't able to cover. And this is just to encourage other fathers out there who feel overwhelmed in playing their roles as a father, to encourage them to plug in to the heavenly father, the one who has the all-around covering, and he will lead them and teach them on how to be the father that they ought to be. Happy father's day, that is.

Speaker 7:

We love you, thank you, bye-bye happy father's day to all the fathers, the wonderful fathers, the great fathers, the lovable fathers. Thank you for all you do You're, for your strength, for your guidance, for your love that shifts lives and build families. Thank you for the love and the source of comfort in your homes. Thank you for your sacrifices, your dedication and the countless ways you show love. We appreciate you more than words can say. Happy Father's Day. God bless you, amen.

Speaker 8:

Hello and welcome to Autentic Traveling Podcast. I am your host, abiyasunia Ebenezer-Brown-Marlon. I am an investor in positive transformation through counselling, life coaching, speaking and also writing of books. Have you read my book yet? Inner Harmony Resilience Beyond Chronic Stress and Burnout. Inner harmony resilience beyond chronic stress and burnout. This book is available on amazon and also on my website, wwwasebconsultancycom.

Speaker 8:

On this podcast, we talk about our mental health, emotional well-being and also our holistic well-being in order for us to thrive authentically. This is a safe space for you to speak about soulful truth and talk about the things that will help you to come back to yourself and regain your self-awareness. Welcome to the Authentic Podcast. Once again, on this episode, we are going to be dedicating to fathers. We're going to be talking about all types of fathers that we have. So sit tight, get your drink, get your biscuit, add your cigar and listen. Or, if you're on the LV option, maybe you should grab a fruit or vegetable and just snack on it while you're listening to this podcast on Vegetable and just knock on it while you're listening to this podcast. So it is Father's Day today. Happy Father's Day to all fathers out there. I wish you blessings and I pray you have the strength to be able to lead your family in the right way.

Speaker 8:

So, who is a father? A lot of people think that just because you were able to donate your sperm, then that makes you a father. That is not always true, because there are different types of fathers. Yes, there are. There are different types of fathers and I'm going to run you through it. We have the present fathers. These are fathers that are emotionally available for their children. They engage in the activities that create a sense of strong emotional bonding. They are actively involved in the day-to-day activities of their children, right from maybe getting them ready for school, making breakfast, taking them to school and just spending time with them, and also being there to be able to show them the right to go, being a great role model to them. So these fathers, they are always present. They are supportive. They do much more than provide the money in terms of accommodation, in terms of food, in terms of school fees and all the things including and things like that. They provide much more than what is required in a mass in the martial law law.

Speaker 8:

Let's talk about the basic need of a human being. They are there, they are supportive, emotionally, mentally. They have to instill confidence in their children. They are also very adaptive. They are the fathers that are ready to adapt their working way. They are ready to adapt their schedule for their business in order for them to be able to meet the need of their children and also their spouse. These fathers, they are very, very hands-on. They demonstrate positive behavior. They also, before they do things, they consider their family.

Speaker 8:

Most of the modern fathers that we have, they are trying to be this. They are very, very nurturing, but in the traditional fathers they are the ones that are very stoic. They are very masculine. They are just there to discipline. They are there to provide the basic need and, in terms of your school fees, in terms of feeding, to be a present dad, you need much more than that. You need to be able to provide in a holistic way for your family. You need to be able to hold your hands. You need to be able to nurture them. A lot of people think that nurturing is just for women, but that is not 100 accurate. A present father is there even when you're not speaking, is there to hold your hands, is there to look you in the face and tell you you can do it, is there to pick you up when things are not going well. He's there to make you strong, but also willing to nurture your vulnerability and see it as a strength and not as a sign of weakness. So today, are you a present father? The qualities are much more than this, but these are just some that can take my screen for now.

Speaker 8:

Then we have the absent fathers. These fathers oh my word. They break the hearts of their children. A lot of people think that it's the father. That is maybe because of divorce. They are no longer there. Some fathers. They are divorced to their partners, but they are still very present in their children's life. They are very present in their children's life. They are very present in their children's life. They are there when a child need to be taken to the hospital. They are there when a child need to go to school. They are there when a child need to go to activities. So the fact that they are no longer married to their partners, it doesn't stop them from being a present father. The same thing with an absent father.

Speaker 8:

An An absent father does not have to have left the house where the child is living to be an absent father. There are some fathers that are still very much married to their spouses. However, due to their work schedule, due to their business schedule, due to their lifestyle, they are not able to be there physically for their children. They are not there, emotionally available for their children. They don't even know the activities their children do. They don't even know they might provide the money they might pay for these activities, but they are not physically there. Some of them are actually physically there but emotionally they do not. They choose not to have the capacity. I use that word choose because it doesn't matter if no one model it to you.

Speaker 8:

If you want to be a present father, all you need to do is just learn. You will make mistakes, but you will learn from it. You don't have to be perfect, but to be present, to see that this child need me emotionally and be there. A child has been knocked down in school or maybe they've not passed their exam very well, you are there to nurture them. So you see, you don't have to be perfect. You are there to learn because this is also a learning experience for you.

Speaker 8:

So an absent father are the ones that are not there, either physically, or they are not there emotionally or even mentally for their children. An absent father can also be the ones that are not able to provide for their children. So some that are not able to provide for their children, so some people are not able to provide in terms of financially. But when you talk about that mentor and emotionally they are there. So you see, it doesn't have to be someone that has a lot of money that has to be present or someone that is just always there physically, they have to be present.

Speaker 8:

If you are an absent father, if you are there but you are not able to meet the emotional need of your children, you are an absent father. If you are there, you are not able to instill the love, the discipline for your children. You're just there. An absent father may not be geographically present, like I said before, but due to other commitment they are not able to be there. So it can lead to a feeling of emotional neglect. It can lead to attachment issue, where children they just want people please, in order for them to be able to get the attention of their caregivers. Now, when they master that, the danger is the children will then go into other relationship, whether it be romantic relationship, whether it be friendship, and then they will like to buy the attention or the love of those people that they are in a concert with, and this is how people pleasing is being developed bit by bit.

Speaker 8:

So, as fathers, it is so, so important that you are there for your children to the best of your ability. What I mean the best of your ability? If you are not working right now, it doesn't make you an absent father. It doesn't make you an absent father. You can be there mentally, you can be there emotionally and provide as much as you can. If you are separated from your spouse, it doesn't make you an absent father. You can still co-parent with your spouse and be there for your children, because that would become the common ground to which both of you meet.

Speaker 8:

Now I know some of you out there will say I wanted to be there for my children, but my spouse and I, because we are divorced, we can no longer see eye to eye. There are other ways that you can do this. You can do it through the family, whereby you get a family to talk to the lady. You can do it through the legal way, whereby you have a shared custody. There are many ways to do this, to make sure that you are there, present for your child. If you don't want to go through the family maybe the family are also not happy with you then you can go through the law.

Speaker 8:

If you don't want to go through the law, it's a very delicate issue and if you are out there, you are an absent father, not by choice, but it has been imposed on you. I am sending you peace, I am sending you love and I wish that you are able to resolve everything so that you can be there for your, for your children is very important for their sake and if you're a woman out there, your, your, your ex-spouse, is responsible, but because you just want to spite them, you don't want them to see the children. Please, I am asking you to just soften your heart towards your child. Do it for your children and allow their father to be present in their life. The father did not walk out for you and your spouse. It doesn't mean it will not walk out between the child and the father. So let the children see their father if they are responsible fathers. Do not allow the bitterness or the grievances that you have against your heirs ruin the relationship between a child and the father. It is so important. It contributes to their confidence. It contributes to their emotional balance as well.

Speaker 8:

Now we have the foster fathers. The foster fathers these are the fathers that you know. They provide care facilities for children that they did not father biologically. They provide either temporary or long-term care for these children in order for them to have stability, in order for them to have the necessary care they, in order for them to be able to survive this, they have to be patient. They have to be able to hold the children with love and care, because these children, they might have been through a lot. They might have been through a very traumatic experience what we call adverse childhood experience with their biological parents for various reasons. So foster parents need to be flexible. They need to be able to adapt to the unique need of the children that they are going to have, because at the time, you might have two children that are fostering and they are from different backgrounds and they may not be able to even cope together. So you have to be there to be able to ensure that you are the bridge. You might also have your own biological children. When you bring your foster children in, you need to ensure that you are there to be able to liaise between all of them, them that they all grew up or they are all cared for in a very, very loving and caring environment. Now, if you are a foster father, you will be working with loads of agencies because you have the social workers, the therapists or the case workers and, some cases, some biological also. They are trying to get their art together in order for them to be able to get their children back.

Speaker 8:

So, foster fathers out there, I salute you and I just want to thank you for your standing in the gap so that children that do not have their own biological parents with them, their biological fathers with them, they are able to grow at least have some stability one time at a time. Okay, so you need um in in a civilized country they get paid to do this, but, to be honest, being a foster father is much more than the money because the things that are required for you to be able to do that job diligently. It can be psychologically challenging because some of these children can be violent. Some of these children will need a lot of patience and love and care in order for them to be able to calm down and grow up in a stable way, no matter how temporary their stay with you is Now. There's more insight to this. He says successful foster parents. They must demonstrate resilience, they must be very, very adaptable, they must be patient, they must have a sense of deep commitment to those children, because if you are not ready to commit, if you're just doing it for the financial gains, then you are going to be putting a lot of pain into those children again, because then they will suffer exactly what they're suffering. So, which is why I was doing a shout out to all foster fathers out there we appreciate you and we celebrate you.

Speaker 8:

On this Father's Day, we have the adoptive father, have the adoptive father. These are fathers that assume a care position for a child or for children through the legal way, now this child. They go through the legal way, sign the paper and take responsibility of being their father, and when I mean legal rights, it means that they adopt the surname of the father, these fathers. In order for you to be able to do this, you must have unconditional love for the child, because this is not like the clothes that you will buy and if it doesn't fit properly, you take it back. Once you become an adoptive father, you are with that child. You have decided that you are going to love that child unconditionally. So, to all adoptive father out there, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much for choosing to love the children that you've adopted.

Speaker 8:

In order to be able to survive this, you have to be patient. So, if you are thinking about becoming an adoptive father, these are the qualities that you need you. You need to be patient, you need to be understanding. You need to know that to have a relationship with a child, sometimes you don't have to be blood related. You just have to care enough to be able to accept that person as your responsibility and love them unconditionally.

Speaker 8:

Also, if you decide to go for a child that is not of the same culture as you, you need to respect their cultural differences. You need to be able to integrate their cultural heritage into yours. You cannot just bring a child and they begin to force your own culture. No, if you want that child to blossom, depending on how old they are, if you want that child to blossom depending on how old they are, if you want them to blossom, you need to ensure that you go and check out their own culture in order for you to be able to integrate it into your own lifestyle so that this child will not be lost to the identity, they'll be able to grow up in a way that they will be balanced and their emotional well-being will also be well taken care of.

Speaker 8:

Now these fathers also. They go through a lot of scrutiny because before the government are willing to hand over a child to you for you to adopt, you have to go through scrutiny. So it takes a very patient father to become an adoptive father because the process is quite lengthy and is a long time commitment. So this is why this scrutiny is very, very intense because you have to dedicate, show that you can demonstrate dedication to this child development and growth. Adoptive fathers, thank you so much because you have played crucial roles in the life of children all over the world and the stability that you provide for them. We ensure that they are responsible adults in the community.

Speaker 8:

So to all Adopt-A-Father out there, I salute you and I thank you for sharing your kind heart with all these children all over the world. Hello there, I just want to ask you a favor so subscribe, like and share to your friends, your neighbor, your colleagues, your family, your friends and everybody that you know, and I'm really working hard to ensure that I bring useful and valuable information that will help you with your mental and emotional well-being, so that you begin to thrive authentically. You know a lot of us will feel we have to wait until something happens before we become reactive, but with this podcast, I am trying to give you information that will make you proactive, so you don't even have anything to react to in the end because you are looking after yourself properly.

Speaker 8:

So what are you waiting for? If you have been listening, please like, share, comment on anything that resonates with you. This will help to drive our visibility and also, if there is any other topic that we have discussed that has been a trigger or that you feel you need support with, please visit wwwasebconsultancycom. There is a 15-minute free consultation link that you can click on right there and book to speak to one of our counselors. Thank you so much for helping to drive visibility to this platform. We have the stepfather now.

Speaker 8:

The stepfather, as we know, these are the fathers that are married to someone that already have a child. So it might be a woman that have a child or children before. So because they are already divorced, or maybe they are estranged from their partner, or maybe their partner is even late, so they just have the children with them. Because they want to marry someone else, they can't just leave their children, so whoever they marry will become their stepfather. Now these are what we call. Some of them also have their own children, so the stepfather also have a child from previous relationship. And the woman that they are getting together with also have their own children, so the stepfather also have a child from previous relationship and the woman that they are getting together with also have a child from previous relationship. So this is what we call blended marriages, okay, or blended relationship.

Speaker 8:

Stepfather's. Your job are not easy at all. So if you are out there and you're a stepfather, I salute you and I give you a shout out from Authentic Driving Podcast. I salute you so much because it is not easy, especially if the child that you are becoming a stepfather to, if they've been through challenging times and if you want to step up to assume your authority over them. They might ask you a challenge. Sometimes, who are you? You are not even my real father. So for all those stepfathers out there, respect and a touch my heart out to you and I said thank you, because you have to be patient. You have to build trust with that child. You do not impose your trust on them. You earn their trust. You earn their affection through your consistent, tender, loving care. You have to work in collaboration with your spouse so that you'll be able to understand the child properly. If you're there to dominate that child or to exert authority by force, you are going to find it a roller coaster of the journey so to one step further. There. It is so important that you are adaptive. You need to be adapting to adjust to the family structure and dynamic, and also to be patient enough for when this child are having a tantrum, you should know when to step in and when to leave their mother to deal with them, why you will call me when it is needed, but please focus on building relationship with that child or the children. It's so, so important. You will need emotional resilience in order for you to be able to manage the challenges of one minute odd and the other minute cold. So stepfathers of who require loads of support as well from their spouse so that they will be able to enjoy and their relationship and adopting um sorry, becoming a stepfather does not ruin your relationship with the person that you love. So, to all stepfather there, shout out to you and well done for the awesome job that you are doing. We appreciate you.

Speaker 8:

Now we have the single fathers. The single fathers these are the people that they have a child. However, their spouse is not presently with them to support them in looking after the child for various reasons. Some of them are widows, some of them are divorced. Some of them are for the various reasons, maybe due to relocation as well, and something happened, because sometimes immigration can split families up, and then you, you see, the mother is in a different country and the father and the child they are in the same country automatically becoming a single father. So there are various reasons. So whatever reason that led you to becoming a single father, I say shout out to you as well. Well done for for hanging in there, because it's not easy to parent alone. It is not easy at all. So thank you for all you're doing for your child. We see you, we hear you and we know it can be challenging. We just send you all the love and the peace that you need.

Speaker 8:

In order for you to be able to assume this role, you need to be very, very patient. You need to have the ability to manage your time effectively, because even if you are working, even if you are working, even if you are doing business remember, if you drop the bar, there's hardly anybody there to step in for you. So you need to ensure that you plan yourself effectively. You need to ensure that you have great support network around you. If you are a single father, please do not do this journey alone. Look for people that are like, people that have similar values and beliefs as you, that will be able to help you and that you will also be able to help them. If you build a strong support network, you will realize that your mental capacity and your emotional well-being will be intact because your stress pockets will not be overflowing. Your stress pockets can just be drained as you're going along and you don't get overwhelmed because, remember, you are the one that is providing the mother side of things and the father side of things the, the discipline, the nurturing and there is no time you're going to exchange playing good cup and bad cup with your children. You are the one doing it all alone. Recognize that important or standard um supports from friends are also very, very important. Now, for single fathers out there, I say thank you, we see you, we celebrate you on this day and always thank you so much for hanging in there, for looking after your child, for prioritizing their well-being, for making sacrifices for them. We see you and we celebrate you.

Speaker 8:

Now we're going to move on to father figures. Father figures these are people that are not biologically your father. They are not adopted, they are not fostered. These are people that are not biologically your father. They are not adopted, they are not fostered. These are people that are not related by blood. These are people that are older than you. They become your father figure. Sometimes it might be as a result of being in the same religion, so whereby you have your spiritual father. Sometimes, maybe your pastor, maybe your mentor, maybe your pastor, maybe your, your mentor, maybe your uncle, maybe your coach, may become your father figure.

Speaker 8:

These people are normally very, very wise and attempt to have similar belief and values of you, so they demonstrate positive behavior and show you ways on how to go with your life skills. They are there to provide you with encouragement, listening ears when you are overwhelmed. Even before you become overwhelmed, you can also talk to them. They will help you to feel better and do better with your life. They maintain a sense of accountability in your life and help you to remain very, very consistent. They help you to um to make the right decisions when it comes to your family, in terms of your own children or your spouse. They are there. So for people like us whose father is in heaven, we can decide to have a father finger. So to all fathers in heaven, my daddy, I say happy father's day. Thank you for being a present father when you were alive, thank you, thank you so much. To all the father figures in my life I say thank you also so much. I appreciate you. I thank you for everything that you do. I thank you for looking out for me. I thank you for you know um advising me when I need that advice as well. Father figures out there, we celebrate you. We say thank you so, so much for all that you do, for all the impact that you're making in the life of all the people that look up to you and see you as father figures.

Speaker 8:

New fathers, new fathers oh, I remember when we just had our first child 17 years ago, my husband was oh, it was so taken to our daughter. You know, he just want to force over. I was one that did the first napkin changing. He just want to force over her, but at some point it was also vulnerable whereby he's feeling that, ah, this child is taking all my wife's attention. So if you're a new father out there, shout out to you happy father's day and thank you so much for willing to adapt into your new role.

Speaker 8:

We know it can be challenging for you. We know sometimes you feel like this little person has taken away your wife and you're not sharing your wife with this little person and you no longer have 100% attention. Hang in there, new fathers. Okay, hang in there, don't worry. This little one that is taking all the attention away will also make you laugh and will also have so much value to your life. One thing I have to tell new fathers is be willing to adjust, learn and ask loads of questions from people that are already fathers. Please make sure you ask the right questions from the right people, the right people.

Speaker 8:

We know that emotionally it can be overwhelming. My daughter was always crying a lot and I remember my husband getting in an earpiece when he cried. It was too much, it was overwhelming for him sometimes, and sometimes you just have to carry her on the shoulder and then just rock her and then she falls asleep. So for fathers, make sure you know how to rock your child, okay, make sure you know how to put them in the boogie and just walk around with them. They might fall asleep and if they are crying a lot, maybe they need burping, maybe they need their napkin changing, maybe they are colic or whatever it is. Hang in there, be patient with them. Be patient the babies. They grow too fast. They grow too too fast. So enjoy every process. It doesn't last forever.

Speaker 8:

Seek support emotionally, mentally and physically if you do need it. So when people are there to help you, allow them to help you. Your new baby is not going to run away, so allow them to help you. Also, because you're a new father, it doesn't mean you live and breathe a baby you and your wife. If you can get babysitters, please do well to also take time for yourself to relax and do other things apart from being a father. Have other activities that will also engage you so that you have some quality time for yourself.

Speaker 8:

Embrace a growth mindset, because if you have a fixed mindset as a father, it's not going to work. So think about it. What type of father do you want to be? Remember, you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be willing to learn. You just have to be willing to be adaptive. You just have to be loving and learn together with you and your spouse. They said a lot of new fathers. They need a lot of encouragement and also they need to engage in parenting responsibility to promote mental health and well-being. So your spouse will need. You. Don't leave everything to the mothers.

Speaker 8:

To all new fathers out there, shout out to you, shout out to you. I celebrate you, I see you and I say congratulations and I pray you have all the wisdom that you need to carry on with this beautiful journey. Now we've come to the end of my sharing. To all fathers out there the ones in heaven, the ones that are adopted father, the ones that are foster father, the ones that are present father, the new father, the father figures, I just want to say you make our world a better place. We see you. We see all the sacrifices that you make. We know it's not easy for you. We just want to say we love you, we appreciate. You say we love you, we appreciate you. We celebrate you. Thank you so much for making our world colourful. Thank you so much for making our world a better place. Thank you so much for instilling love. Thank you so much for instilling confidence in our children, in your spouses. Thank you so much. But remember you also matter and it's okay for you to be vulnerable with us if you have to. You don't have to be stoic always. It's okay as well for you to share if you need us to help you. So thank you.

Speaker 8:

I just want to read this prayer for all fathers, a prayer for fathers day. Say Say Gracious, god, bless fathers and all father's figures with such love and faithfulness that their children flourish and grow in uprightness and joy. Bless those who long to be fathers and those for whom this day is difficult. Maybe your father is no longer here, just like me, but remember we still have a father in heaven, which is God. So hang in there and just reminisce on the good things that you have with your father and for fathers that have been absent, you still have a chance. It's never too late. It's never too late. It is never too late. You still have a chance to be present in the life of those your children. So go out there, be there for them. If you have to apologize for your spouse, apologize to them. Keep praying, do not lose hope. Hang in there for your child. The children need you, we need you. The society need fathers. You are important to us. We need you. Happy, happy, happy, happy Father's Day. Thank you so much for all you do.

Speaker 8:

This has been Auth thriving podcast and I hope you have a very, very lovely father's day reflection, father's day celebration. Thank you so much for tuning in today. We really do appreciate you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much. We appreciate you and please do make sure you share this video with all the fathers that you know. Share this video with your friends. Our fathers need to be celebrated. We are very quick to say this and that about them. We should also be quick to celebrate them. I know we celebrate our women, but this month I decided I'm going to celebrate to men and I'm going to celebrate incessantly until I come your way again. Keep thriving authentically. Bye for now, right.