Authentic Thriving Podcast
Welcome to Thriving mindset podcast. On this platform I will be talking on mental health, emotional wellbeing, sprituality, business, career, purpose . This will help you transform your mind as a person, help you live a purposeful life with clarity through holistic intentional lifestyle.Your feedback comments and share will be highly appreciated. Thank you and look forward to serving you value and authenticity.
Authentic Thriving Podcast
Men's Silent Struggle: How Modern Men Balance Their Emotional Health
Dad coach Jube Ojomo shares insights on men's mental health, highlighting how childhood experiences shape fatherhood and emotional processing patterns in men.
• Growing up in Nigeria with structured discipline and family traditions that influenced his own parenting style
• Transforming his parenting approach after his daughter was diagnosed with special needs
• Teaching his daughters accountability by allowing them to respectfully call out his emotional responses
• Navigating multiple crises simultaneously while lacking mentors to process emotions with
• The challenge of emotional numbness in men and its connection to mental health issues
• Why men need male-only support groups to process emotions safely
• Creating value-based meetups that focus on skill-sharing and meaningful connection
• The importance of redefining masculinity beyond just being a provider
• Finding personal balance through giving to others and regular reflection
• Building stronger communities through vulnerability and shared experiences
Join the Better Dad community to connect with other fathers and men seeking growth through authentic relationships and mutual support.
Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/abiessonia
Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm8aAtpN2BN/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
On this episode I am going to be interviewing another very interesting guest, mr Jobé O'Dromo. I hope I called your name right, sir. I hope I'm not wrong.
Speaker 1:It's all right, okay. Mr Jobé O'Dromo is a dad coach, a trainer, speaker and a family life practitioner with a strong background in IT. He left his own country, nigeria, four years ago and is currently with us in the United Kingdom. He is driven by his strong passion to help fathers build a system and protect their families, and his goal is to grow better that community to 10,000 men and fathers community for exceptional men and fathers who share their experiences and serve as a support system for other men and fathers who want to reach their goal of self-success by 2030. He holds the better dad podcast, which he shares insight on how fathers can become better fathers and husband, usingile principles in our ever-changing world. He loves Agile project management and is an AI enthusiast. I am too, sir. That's good. He also resides in United Kingdom with his wife and two beautiful, lovely daughters.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Authentic Travel Podcast, sir. Thank you for having me. You're very welcome. So this AI thing is like it's getting everybody interested. You know they said what people don't know, sometimes they demonize. In my own case, I am really curious. I am tapping into my curiosity to see what is going to happen and how everything is going to pan out. So I'm learning as much as I can and leveraging on it, so I'm glad you're also doing the same yeah, it's good to move with times absolutely, sir, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So today we are going to be having a discussion based on men's mental health because, like I said to my other guests, I wanted to dedicate june to men, to just explore. It's not like I'm never going to bring men in, but this month is just mainly about them. So just really see what is happening right there, because with the statistics that I'm seeing, a lot of men are more depressed, but they will be the last source of help until it is critically needed. So I just feel we're going to dive in and have this discussion and see. So the first question I'm going to ask you is how was your childhood, and if you were to describe your childhood as a male child, how would you describe it and how has it shown up in the way of being a father?
Speaker 2:My childhood. I haven't even asked that question before, but for me, if I'm going to look back and reflect on it, it was. Balanced is the word that I would use. I come from a family where we have five siblings, one girl, she's the first and then there's a boy before me Let me not say boy, because we're all grown men now and then I have three other men after me. I'm the third son, and for us, we grew up in, you know, the Nigeria of the 80s, and then TV started by four, and by the time we were seven, there was nothing else for children to look at on TV. So we spent lots of time together. We would come up with games, we would play together. Those were the memories that we created for ourselves.
Speaker 2:With regards to my parents, my dad was really on the quiet side, so I do not remember. I do remember that he would discipline us by, you know, using cane and the rest of it, but he would always give us reasons for doing so. So it wasn't as if he was doing it without you understanding what you had done wrong. Yes, without you understanding what you had done wrong. Yes, you always knew what you had done wrong before you know you were disciplined because you were given instructions but maybe you didn't follow it and then you got disciplined for that.
Speaker 2:Yes, with regards to my mum, yes, she was. She was the one whom we always felt. Why. Why would you tell me to do things that you could do for yourself? You know, our mom, growing up, would tell us things like call you and then tell you come and switch on the light. Why are you telling me that when you're in the room here? So that's the kind of life that I had. Anyway, I remember it being balanced. Yes, we received discipline, but you know, but our parents tried to instill values in us and those values are the things that we lived up to and it's been fine.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's very interesting, because some of the things you shared I can definitely resonate with it. I can definitely resonate with it, because when my dad bring his singing cane out, you know the cane that go yeah, those ones and they're like do you know, I'm flogging you, you did this.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh my goodness. And then the thing is if you do not cry, it goes harder. So we had some of my siblings really good, and then it would stop like, okay, you got it. But with people like us, like let me just from, like, and you just do a strong face you will get more. By the time I clocked on like oh, you're supposed to just wail in the first instance.
Speaker 2:Then I was like, okay, that's fine, but the funny that was a bit different for my daddy was the case of. He told you he was going to give you six and they have to be six if it's good, you're going to be three, then you have to be three, so it doesn't matter your your. Your performance for him was based on what he felt was the right punishment for what you had done wrong.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes. It's amazing that even though dads did those things, they were very protective and they wouldn't want anything. It was just a primitive way of correcting the things that you've done. I'm glad that you also experienced that as well. But now we're just going to move on. Like, when you look at, when you, when you cast your mind back right, what are some of the spoken and unspoken things that you learned from your father or other male figures around you when you were growing up?
Speaker 2:Well, my dad had time for the kids. When I say had time, we had memories I'm sure my brothers will also remember this and my sister. We had memories of my dad picking us up in the afternoon from school, taking us home, and he would prepare lunch for us before going back to the office. So I don't know how he was able to do that, but that was what we always experienced. Then we also remember that in Lagos, because we grew up in Lagos, we're close to Suruleri James Robertson there was a barber's salon there and that's where we went every Saturday for our haircuts. But on Fridays he would take us to UTC and there was this moe moe that we would get.
Speaker 2:But after that we would go and buy comics. So for the comics, I would buy maybe Batman, my brother would buy Superman. We had three options. We had to buy three comics anyway, so he would pick his three and then we would make sure I pick another three that were absolutely different from the ones he watched, so that we have six in total and my sister would pick her own comics.
Speaker 2:So those were the memories that we had growing up with my dad. So I think it influenced the way my life is with my kids, in the sense that I try to create memories for them, things that we would these days we call them family traditions, but then he, he just did them and I didn't see them as family traditions, but there are things that identified us as okay, this is what we would do every friday and this is what we do on saturday mornings, and I've tried to imbibe the same thing with my daughters. It's a lot more challenging now. Yes, society is a lot different, but we try to I try, and as much as possible, to do those things so that I create those memories with my children.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, sir. Absolutely. I really love, because this kind of just ease into the next question right what I see you portray of your father of your childhood is a father that was very present a father that was a disciplinarian, but he was also nurturing.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Not a lot of men are nurturing, but what I hear you say is that your father was nurturing. Now I know we've said about the flogging for corrective measures and all this. Would you, how has this shown up in you being a father right now? Would you say you would use the punitive method of flogging? Would you say you are nurturing? How has this shown up in terms of? Because now for anybody listening, we're not supporting flogging, but we are just talking about our childhood, so please let no one get it wrong. I just thought I'll put that there. But how has this shown up in you as a father?
Speaker 2:well, um, when, when I started okay, when I had my first daughter, I, like my dad, I hardly would flog, you understand, you can count the times that I've done that, but I did do that. But by the time I had my second daughter, things changed for us, because my second daughter was born premature and by the time she was four or five, we realized that, um, it seems that she had special needs, you understand. And by the time we discussed with the therapist, we found out that she had special needs. Right, you understand. And by the time we discussed with the therapist, we found out that she said, because she has ADHD, it would be. You have to change your parenting style.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:The usual yelling on the children would not work, yes, and so that led me into a parenting journey, trying to become more deliberate about how I would raise them.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:That's what led me into going into becoming a family life practitioner. Right Went for the course to learn so that I could assist in the development of my daughter. Yes, second daughter, but I also had to adjust for the first one, because by now she was already about eight years old.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:You understand. But those changes, I can see that, yes, things are a lot better. So for me, the parenting journey has been based on what I knew before, but it had to change in between, and so now I'm becoming more balanced with them. I'm not saying I've become perfect, because once in a while there will still be an angry outburst, and though there's an angry outburst, we've already come to an agreement and we practiced that. I've told them that look, okay, I'm trying to work on that.
Speaker 2:So what I want you to do is, if that happens, you may correct me. But even if you want to correct me, do not correct me by saying, daddy, you're shouting, instead of saying that, say, you are using your harsh tone, would you like to? Or prefer, if you use your nice tone? So, since we've agreed on that, that brings it back into my mind. And then I try to, you know, correct myself, apologize, and then we move on from there. So they're beginning to see that, yes, I'm making the effort to change, to help you know, so that I can be building that connection with them. Yes, and so that's how parenting has been fored you, oh definitely, and it has transformed your whole outlook.
Speaker 1:The way you said it. Like nobody's perfect, Mr Joubert, Nobody's perfect no nobody, nobody, anybody that said they are perfect. That's even the beginning of the problem, right? For you to even think you are perfect. Beginning of the problem, right for you to even think you're perfect.
Speaker 1:You said you gave them permission to hold you accountable to your behavior as you begin to sojourn on this journey of parenting yeah especially as you embark on a transformational parenting journey and you also give them a cue as well, like don't't you're also teaching them communication. What you're doing right there is quite powerful, because you're also empowering them to be confident, to be bold, but in a very respectful way.
Speaker 1:And you're showing them accountability, because if you give them permission to hold you accountable, you can easily hold them accountable as well, because you told them that this is the word. This is the way you communicate it. Hold me accountable, but don't be disrespectful.
Speaker 1:This is the way you're going to communicate exactly and immediately you hear that one is like okay, reset, come on, let's get this down, let's get it right down. And that is so good because that will make them to be able to speak up wherever they are. And I'm saying this because my dad, I grew up in a place whereby my dad he gave us permission to speak up.
Speaker 1:I can speak up in front of a man, a woman, irrespective of your position, and I will speak up respectfully. But I I recognize that some girls they struggle to be able to speak up in the front of men. They really do. They. They become very um, their confidence level goes down. They can't speak up to express themselves and say this is not right just because the person is a man. So what you're doing for your daughter right there is that you are empowering them as well to be able to express themselves regardless of the gender. So it's a powerful thing that you're doing there and I really want to commend you on that. That is really good, thank you. Make yourself accountable, you know, to your family. It's really really good. You are empowering their beauty, confidence, instilling confidence in your children how your modeling eyes should be done, because our children follow what we do more than what we say, what we say, yeah, so I'm just going to move on to the next one, which is on emotions right now, right.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:A lot of parents I don't know about you, but a lot of parents back in the days. They really don't talk about these emotional needs. They meet your needs. You have a roof over your head, you have water, you have all the basic things according to Maslow hierarchy of needs, and then you're good right. But I'm just wondering was emotion ever discussed when you were growing up? And if it was, how did you think your emotional needs were met and how is that showing up in you as an adult? Now you've been able to manage your emotion as a man I do not know if it was discussed.
Speaker 2:I do not remember those things being discussed at all. No, I do not remember it being discussed at all. For myself, what I've learned over the years is when things need to be done, they need to be done, and I'm going to give an example. Let me say I'm going to give you two examples and then, based on those two examples, you'll decide if what I've done is the way it's supposed to be. One thing I want to say is, before I even go that route, is that this thing about men and their emotions? I believe that it's not just about what we talk in theory. I believe a lot of times it's going to be about what needs to be done at the time it's happening.
Speaker 2:I can say lots of things right now, but I may not react the same way when it's time or when something happens. So let's give you an example my second daughter. I told you she was born premature. Yes, I never knew that was going to happen, right? Yes, so my wife was in the hospital. I had to take her to the hospital that particular day because she was feeling funny. At the end of the day, when we got to the hospital, the doctor said this child's heart beat is going on and off. Better, we wait for a day. After all of those, he decided okay, it was time to take out the child. So after taking out the child, she was not supposed to be out yet, right? So we had to take her to a children's hospital which was different from where my wife was. I had two different people I had to take care of, right, because my wife gave birth and she had to be in the hospital. She couldn't go with me to where the baby was.
Speaker 2:But at that time there was a project in the office that I was handling, a 20 million dollar project, oh wow. So was I going to tell my boss that I couldn't come to work now? A lot of people would say maybe I should have done that, but the point is, this is a product that has been going on for about six months. This is a project that has been going on for about six months. At this point in time, this was not planned. Yeah Right, so how do you balance it?
Speaker 1:That's a hard one.
Speaker 2:Really hard one. So I did have to balance it. So I was shuttling between seeing my wife in the hospital, going to the hospital where my daughter was and going to work. So I had my mom come over to support and just staying with my wife, because we made sure that the hospital was closer to where my mom was. Now, those were times that I felt I could talk to my dad, but my dad was no longer alive At that time. He had already gone. There was nobody that I could really, you know, relate to and say, okay, this is what I feel, this is how overwhelmed I am.
Speaker 2:But life moved on, the project was done, my wife got better, the child got better, we moved into the house, you know, got back home and all of that, but the child could not be as my daughter. I'm saying the child. Well, my daughter could not be held by any other person. You know how we could give the bcg, this thing. She was still too fragile. They couldn't give her the bcg until three months after. So it was only my wife that could hold her, bathe her, do everything, even though she was recovering from the operation of caesarean.
Speaker 2:It was really a tough time. So you have people that would help you, you know, do the washing and all that, but they couldn't bathe the baby, they couldn't touch the baby. It was really difficult for her. So throughout that period I had all of that. Was it the right time for me to talk about my emotions? I couldn't do that at that time. So three months after the project was done it was successful and all of that, we had moved on and we moved on to new challenges. So there was no time for me to sit down and relax and start talking about those emotions, because the time had passed.
Speaker 1:You understand.
Speaker 2:So the other experience I'm going to give you is when I moved into the UK. I moved in as a student.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So my wife was dependent, right. So when I moved in as a student, that meant that for me I would be working only 20 hours, yeah, so she had to do the heavy lifting. And then, when we moved into, we found out that we were the only Black in the community. And so my daughters, for the first time, faced racism that we never knew we would have to deal with in this world. First time faced racism that we never knew we would have to deal with in this world. So I had children who were dealing with racism. I had a wife who had to work for the first time in her life because back home she was doing her own business.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Right. Then I was doing schooling and I could only work 20 hours. But I also had to come home and, you know, do the cooking and everything so that everybody could eat because she would go to work and all. But I also had to come home and, you know, do the cooking and everything so that everybody could eat because she would go to work and all of those. Yes, so at this point in time, yes, I had lots of things going on. Children were in a new environment, my wife was in a new environment. Everybody had their own challenges.
Speaker 2:Was it the time for me to complain about? This is how I felt. I didn't think it was the right time to do that because, hey, somebody had to be the one who was assisting every other person with their own emotions until it was balanced out. So that's the way I learned, or that's the way I've seen that it happens. And so one thing I always ask people when we talk about this emotion thing is that it depends on what happens at that time. We may try and template it as much as possible, yes, but I do not know if it is possible to actually template everything. It is possible to actually template everything because we are.
Speaker 1:We are persons who have feelings and so we cannot predict how those feelings would be. Yes, this is um. How will I say it? You see, this is why I love these discussions, because I'm sure there's someone out there that will be able to relate to what you're sharing that you said that thing called emotion, and then you said your dad was no longer there so there was no one for you to talk to. That that was. That was loud for me, that was really loud for me. So, yeah, I remember.
Speaker 2:I wish I could talk to him. I wish I could ask him questions about how will I deal with this. But who was I going to talk to? He wasn't there.
Speaker 1:So who else could you have talked to? Mr Djokovic?
Speaker 2:At work. They couldn't understand your brothers yes, my brothers. Yes, we did talk about you, know what I was going through, but it wasn't a case of me pointing out my emotions to them. It was a case of, okay, let's support him this way. You know it was help, it was support in the case of you know how family comes around you in Africa, but it was not for your emotions, mr Adjubre.
Speaker 1:That's what we are saying now.
Speaker 2:No, it wasn't for the emotions, Because why would I? I didn't feel I needed to tell them what my emotions were. I preferred to speak with my dad Because he would have gone through those things. No, I'm not saying he had children. We didn't have any children. Any of us that had a premature birth and everything. None of them had seen that or gone through that. But I felt he would be the best person for me to talk to.
Speaker 1:Not even friends.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:What I hear you say. You said he would have been the best. So you needed a mentor, you needed your dad yes he would have been a mentor. You did not just need any other person no, not just any other person yeah, I think I'm beginning to understand it.
Speaker 1:So for men, I'm not generalizing. What I'm just saying is beginning to understand it. So for men, I'm not generalizing. What I'm just saying is we're getting to sound like for some men to speak. They need the right person to speak to, they don't just speak anyhow they don't just speak because I'm overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:So some men speak based on who is the perfect fit for me to be speaking to. I'm not just speaking, I want to speak because I know that, okay, sometimes you need a coach. A coach is someone that will, from your experience, help you to shine the light on it and help you to find possible ways to explore it and find a solution. A mentor is someone that has been through that experience and, as a result of their wealth of experience, they will be able to. You don't need to reinvent the wheel. They will be able to navigate you better. A counselor, on the other hand, is like an emotional processor help you to process your emotions and then you come to a place whereby you you release those emotions and then you can begin your healing journey. So, for you, you needed the right person, and if the right person wasn't there, you're going to switch out on there was nothing else to do wow, wow, hey.
Speaker 1:So, mr jubair, okay, because that was a tough one that you went through. Your wife is in the hospital. He's she need you. Your young daughter is in the hospital. She needed you. A project you've been ongoing for six months. I can't relate to that, because when you've started something you want to see through, you don't want another person taking your own. You know your own results. And maybe he's almost at the peak of finishing, and so on.
Speaker 2:We had just, we had just even launched and they were having some issues.
Speaker 1:So you needed to be there, because you will be able to understand and do the research.
Speaker 2:I'm sure you are very familiar with Glow in Nigeria. Yes, that time I worked with Glow and it was a case of nobody on the network could do SIM swap. Wow.
Speaker 1:So I couldn't leave at that point in time. I'm just wondering Did you at any point Just cry, or did you at any point just go for a run or go to the gym? How did you process all those Rollercoaster of emotions?
Speaker 2:Definitely, I did those ones for myself.
Speaker 1:Pardon.
Speaker 2:I did those ones for myself.
Speaker 1:What did you do?
Speaker 2:Go on long walks, just shut down. Go on long walks, just shut down. And I learned that because anytime I get up in the morning early, what I normally would like to do is just think of nothing for the first 5-10 minutes, and then I start thinking about what I can do today.
Speaker 2:think of nothing for the first five 10 minutes, and then I start thinking about what I can do today. What are the most important things? What are the things that I need to do? I have a pen and paper right the things that I need to get done. How am I going to do it? Which ones can I delegate and which ones can I delegate?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So that helps me to have like road map of how the day should be that I don't turn out like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know you may be wondering why is she drilling in this emotional thing?
Speaker 1:there is a condition called alexithymia it's when people have difficulty in identifying and describing their emotions and from my research it's more common with men, because the society expectation, the cultural expectation and even different expectations on them, even religious and everything, is that men should be stoic, right, and then they shouldn't express their emotion. But the danger of that is that it's not even don't show your emotions now. The danger is that they have lost touch on how to, on how to know what they are feeling. So you see someone going through a roller coaster of a time and then you ask how are you feeling? And they go I don't know. And you think you don't know. What is the truth they are numb.
Speaker 2:It's because yeah, because later, because they've not had time to process it, do you know that there's something that says that you would I think is he a man, or people go through challenges every three months. So imagine if, for for the first two months, you've gone through this that I just mentioned, you now want to relax and this thing, then maybe it's now time to pay half rent yes so that's, that's another thing that's going through your mind, and then you have to take care of that, do you understand?
Speaker 2:So I keep saying that when we talk about the emotional things, we want to look at where it started from.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:For example, if there is a war, let's say there's a war right now in this country yes, what is the default, default mode? Who goes to the war? Who goes to war?
Speaker 2:it's going to be the men it's going to be the men, right. Why does society still expect that? Why doesn't society say, why doesn't the society say, oh, because we want to recalibrate, we think we should take equal men and women to war. No, it doesn't happen that way, because, over time, what society has come to see is that men have more muscle mass and they are physically more um able, and that's what is required for survival in that instance yes because that's what is required for survival.
Speaker 2:The tendency is more to push the men out to go and survive and let the women nurture. Yeah, so I think what what needs to happen is to expand anyway, that's demanding more of the men but to expand what the men need to do. So it's not just provide but also nurture. But, like I said, it all still depends on where you find yourself, the circumstance you find yourself in and how you want to navigate it.
Speaker 1:Okay, you know, that's them, are you like me in and how you want to navigate it? Ok, you know that's them. Are you like me in real life situation to be in a war zone?
Speaker 2:Well, the truth of the matter is it's it's like Tony Robbins says. He says weak seasons produce weak people. I think I got I'm not sure if I got it right but what I was trying to say is that when there is, when there is no, when there is no chaos, we tend to relax and make excuses for ourselves, but when push comes to the shove, what happens? We go back to the survival instincts, we go back to the reality of this is how it has to be. So when that happens, if there's war right now, everybody forgets about his emotions because we need to sort out this thing that is happening, yeah, and once it's sorted out, when we're gonna start talking about he has pstdc and all of those and all of those, but what needs to be done needs to be done at that time, and so that's how I believe that things have turned out to be, and a lot of times it still happens that way, not Not because men would generally want it to be like that.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:But it just happens, it just happens.
Speaker 1:But I'm of the opinion that I know it just happened, but it's almost as if it's not default. It shouldn't be like that.
Speaker 2:No, it shouldn't be default. That's what I'm saying. It shouldn't be default. But if it's not default, right, we are adding more for the man to do, really, yes, because we are telling him, yes, you should be the provider and protector, right, but we expect you to also nurture and we expect you to also, you know, take care of the emotional, this thing of children and of your wife and, you know, do all of this. That's not a problem, you understand? Yeah, but I'm saying it's a partnership. But what you see happening is that a lot of persons are now, let's say now, chastising the men for focusing a lot on being providers and protectors.
Speaker 1:No, okay, I'm not saying that is not correct. My mindset here is men should not just look after their children's emotion, their wife's emotion. I am talking about the man's emotion Because according to research it said, some studies have linked, have a link between alicetamia, that's, numbness of emotions. Men they've linked it to higher rated crime because they are so numb to their emotions they don't even know what it feels like anymore because they've been taught that just carry on with it, just so they are on. You mustn't stop because it's not going to stop anyway. This is life now as it is and as a result, some men go on and commit brutal crime and then they ask their police recession it okay when you ask them that why did you do this?
Speaker 1:they just don't know remorse yeah, yeah no remorse, not because they're bad people, but because they have lost touch with their emotions. Now, that is the part I am trying to explore, as in if we are not careful, just to give them to the providers, you'll get more men, being that and there's also a lot of research that there is higher rate of men on a life in themselves and there's our chances that they will succeed than women.
Speaker 2:It is increasing.
Speaker 1:It is increasing a lot.
Speaker 2:It's increasing a lot. Yeah, even in Nigeria it's increasing a lot.
Speaker 1:That's right, sir. So you see them, they are unaliving themselves because, like you said, you just carry on and you see it as a default that that's what is expected anyway. So it's almost like that's a malignliness thing. I'm not saying you shouldn't look after everybody. What?
Speaker 2:about you. It takes some time to take off.
Speaker 1:It takes some time to, so it takes time to wrap it, to eradicate this. I don't understand why you said it takes some time.
Speaker 2:I said, a man should take some time to reflect, to unburden himself to, to relax, like maybe two weeks in a year go on a vacation, don't do anything two weeks in a year yeah we are talking about lifestyle, sir.
Speaker 1:We are talking about. We are talking about two weeks, we are talking about season, I think. Okay, you are saying start with at least two weeks. We're talking about about season and thing. Okay, you are saying, start with at least two weeks. We're talking about making the lifestyle of checking in with yourself okay, so what would you suggest? On a week, on a daily basis. At the end of the day, reflect on your day that one.
Speaker 2:That one I said I do every morning and I expect that everybody should do that every morning. Unfortunately not. I expect that everybody should do that every morning.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, no everybody does it, sir.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying we need to, because we need to recalibrate every day, to know where we are and how we can move forward, or else we'll just be swept by the wind constantly. Just wake up. Continue to sweep, no, but we need to wake up in the morning, reflect on yesterday, what we're going to do today, what's the plan. It even helps us with growth, because the thing that moves us as people is the fact that we are growing. And how do you know if you are growing if you do not step back and watch. What have I done, what did I plan to do and how have I achieved it? So it's necessary that we do that regularly, but I'm talking about twice in a year one week, maybe half of the go away by yourself, even if it's just taking one place, and just relax and have fun, and then, at the end of the year, do the same thing. But those times you will also use them to read, to reflect on what you are going to do, your plan, how's the family moving forward? How's your business moving forward? How are you doing things? It's necessary.
Speaker 2:As humans, we can get easily get overwhelmed, because there's constant movement in the world that we are right now. It was a lot different during the times of our parents. I don't think they had reasons to be, because there's constant movement in the world that we are right now. It was a lot different during the times of our parents. I don't think they had reasons to be as overwhelmed as us, because one of the things that I assume I keep telling people that I assume I know that they used to have old boys associations, my dad and their friends, and anytime that it was December they would all go to the village together. Those things that were not named, yes, were actually them having support groups for themselves yes because throughout their lifetimes they were always there for one another.
Speaker 2:They wouldn't have, they even had this um cap that they did I was just for them that were in the school at that set like that. So they had those things, even though they didn't name them, they were not termed, but they had support groups amongst themselves, so why shouldn't we have it?
Speaker 1:that's right, okay. So I know, mr jubail, you have. I know you're passionate about men's men's eyes. I know you are. I listened to your podcast, talk about it. I'm just wondering what are the things that you have noticed with men's emotion and in terms of management's perspective right now? What are the things that are working for men? I know you've already shared, just before I ask this question, some of the things that our fathers did, but I'm just wondering what are the things, if we just speak to that, or the things that will help you, because, with this emotional things, we know that we can't stop living as long as life is life in emotions yeah, we're not saying you should not prioritize yourself, we're not saying you should become selfish, but we're also saying do not neglect yourself what
Speaker 1:are the things that men can do that will help them to manage these emotions, so that they don't become numb, because it's one thing to say, oh men, don't do this, men don't do that, but when they become numb it's even more dangerous, whereby you are no longer in touch to your emotions and they can get into a very, very reactive way whereby you do things that are out of character. So what can they do that you've saved for yourself and from working with other men as well?
Speaker 2:One thing I've seen is that support group is very important and that's the reason why I'm trying to build up on this Berserat community, because men are more comfortable with themselves. Right, there are, I mean, a lot, lot of groups. There are some groups on facebook that you know, men just jizzed and banter and stuff like that, and some ask questions and they're comfortable when they are there and they know it's only men. Yeah, but as soon as they find out that there's a woman in there, they, they lock up, right, do you understand? So support groups, that is only for men, without the women being there, is very, very important. They are more likely to talk. They may talk one-on-one first before they start, you know, letting go bit by bit.
Speaker 2:Another thing I know that's very important is meetups. Right, so it's not just going to be online and everything. There will be physical meetups, because, for men, before they eventually would what's the word to use Eventually say what they want to say, eventually pour out those emotions, they need to be very comfortable with the person that they're speaking with. Okay, they need to trust. You understand how normally normally start off with things that they find interesting. Maybe you can find them in biabalo, justin talking and everything to push away those emotions and things like that. But after that then, when you ask those questions, when you sit with them, you find out that there is a lot to be said, but do they have those spaces where they can say it easily? So I want them to.
Speaker 2:I want men any men that are listening to invest in themselves, invest in yourself anything that you require, find out what you require you can, and encourage them to start off with one-on-ones I am open to having one-on-one with with men to find out exactly what the issue is, where you are, because when we don't see growth, we feel we are not fulfilled in life. But what do we term as growth? Is it the society that will determine what growth is to us, or is it what we reflect on what we have done and how we are moving forward? Because there are different areas of life. Yes, you may not be growing financially, but what if you are growing emotionally? What if you are there to support your family? What if your family sees that you are doing your best to help them? It may not be enough financially, but you are doing the rest.
Speaker 2:So we do not want to continue defining our masculinity or our manhood strictly based on providing, do you understand? So I would advise men to do just exactly what I've said let's join communities, the better. That community is there for you to join. We want to support you. Like you've already said, we have assessments that would help us to know exactly where we are and how we can move forward. So it's not going to be just theory. It's going to be based on results that we can see, that we can measure, so that we can grow together. It's really important that we do that, because I look at us as team leaders.
Speaker 2:When you have a team in the office, the team lead wants to make sure that the team moves forward, and he would do everything he needs to know the strengths and weaknesses of the members of the team and then, based on that, he knows what he needs to become. Today he may become the supporter, tomorrow he may become the enforcer. Yeah, so he changes just to suit the team and make sure that the team grows well. So that's what we need as men fantastic, sir.
Speaker 1:You know there are some people that they do not like group because, either because they don't, people in the group everybody do not share the same value as them Like. There are some people because of their personal reasons or because of their spirituality, they really do not do anything drinking. So any gathering that you're going to meet up and there are people of different values there, they wouldn't show up.
Speaker 1:Or in a group whereby people because when men do not show their emotions, you do know, there's also a study that showed that a repressed emotion will show up in other ways, either in violence. Addiction In drinking, yes, that's right. Drinking addition of alcohol or hard substances With raw, that's right. Drinking addition of alcohol or um add substances?
Speaker 1:or even, that's right with drawer, or even sometimes um womanizing as well, you know, because then they just they don't have any value for themselves and they just want to just do anything to, to, to, to get themselves high and later, as they've done it, they're down again, right and they're looking for more things to make them which is why they have different additions right so for men that I say I need a community, cut me out.
Speaker 1:I'm doing it because the last time I joined a community they turned me into a smoker occasional smoker or maybe I started drinking and I don't drink, so I don't want to join an intercommunity. What would you say to such a person?
Speaker 2:The joins, the meetups we're talking about does not have to be meetups about drinking.
Speaker 1:Okay, so they have to be selective on the ones that meet with their values, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it has to be value-based.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You understand, there are different. There are meetups that may be just okay. This month we are meeting up, we are going to talk about, we can have a challenge and decide that we're going to assist one another. I'm talking about AI these days and I'm talking about the fact. I'm thinking about the fact that soon the workforce would change, yes, change, yes. So what? What if we have a meetup where one comes and it teaches other men how to use ai so that we can have those skills? Because, hey, moving forward, how would you be able to provide, yes, how would you even teach your children those things? So meetups doesn't necessarily mean that I'm meeting up to drink and you know, banter, I've gotten to the stage where I no longer want to drink and I've never smoked in my whole life fantastic you understand.
Speaker 2:So those meetups can be just eating. It can be meetups in a restaurant where we'll talk, and we'll talk about what we are going through. How can we assist one another? Based on your experience, what can you do If there's a father who has a child that has special needs? I can help in that regard. If there's a child who has a teenager my daughter has a teenager I can help in that regard, you understand. So there are different aspects of life that we can sit down and talk about, and drink doesn't have to be alcohol. You can sit down in a restaurant and drink Maltina or drink Fanta, you understand. So we do not want to. We're not going to enforce any values on people, but at the same time, we want people who are value-driven. Yes, because if we are not that value-driven, then that's the collapse of the community itself.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. I see where you're speaking from. You're speaking from Better Dads, isn't it Definitely Okay? So for people out there that are looking for a community to join, better Dad is coming. I highly highly recommended for you to join, and you've heard, as Mr Jobet said, they do not have those things that are not good in their values. They have honorable values amongst them. And for men out there, if you are looking for a community to join, please check their values. Don't just say, oh, I want quantity. Make sure you choose quality over quantity. It is so important so you don't get yourself into a pickle whereby you get into hot waters because you want to join community. So be careful. I recommend Better Dads for you if you're out there.
Speaker 1:We're coming to the end of this session. I really want to thank you for your vulnerability, for your sincerity and the stories that you have shared. I'm just going to ask you this Could okay, let's see. Let's see. How do you ensure that you now no community involved in this one? I'm talking about you. How do you ensure that you authentically look after yourself so you are thriving in a genuine way? Personally, you know yourself that you are thriving. What do you normally do to ensure that, apart from going for a walk, apart from reflecting in the morning, apart from doing this passionate stuff you're doing with men, because I know what you're giving is also very good for your men's diet as well. So what are the other things that you do over here over the years that has worked for you that you feel like? This is my own personal thing that you can share with us before we sign off?
Speaker 1:And also Mr Jobé personal thing that you can share with us before we sign up. I mean and also mr jube, if there is any faith incorporated in that as well and how that is helping you as well, please, yeah, your spirituality, that's what I mean. If there's anything you do as well that also strengthens us, please just speak to it giving is one thing that really helps you understand.
Speaker 2:Yes, and when it comes to giving for me, for me, community does matter. Not that you mentioned faith For me, the faith that I have. I'm one of Jehovah's Witnesses, we're Christians and the faith is such that we okay you see, I was using the word me- yes, for you for me for you, yeah.
Speaker 2:I believe in giving. Yes, you understand, and giving doesn't necessarily have to be giving physically or, you know, financially, but it would mean visiting persons who are old. Do they need help? How can you assist them? Go for shopping for them, because here in the UK, where we are, whether we like it or not, it's a society that is not as family-based as we are back home. Yes, so you see lots of persons who do not have loved ones to take care of them. Yes, so how do you do? What do you do to them? How do you assist them?
Speaker 2:And this is me modeling to my children the art of giving and being happy doing it. You understand, trying to see how people can be better for themselves, not just because not for myself, but how people can be better for themselves. Yes, so for me it's like volunteering, right, you understand, it's like volunteering. And then I do lots of reading, right, do lots of, like I mentioned before, I would go on two weeks during the week, I mean during the the year. I'll be alone and I can reflect on my life. Yes, you, you understand, I do not know if you want anything else besides those.
Speaker 1:Those are good. Those are good because I know that a lot of men don't take that time off for themselves, so you know that those taking two weeks off in a year, it helps you. So you can increase that and do it quarterly from time to time. You never can tell how that's going to work for you instead of six months, okay that's going to work for you instead of six months, although the challenge I have with that is the fact that I have um limited what's the word?
Speaker 2:um time off, work right, right, 25 days. So after 25 days I have days that I plan for, you know, family wedding anniversary. So when the wedding anniversary comes, I take off, I take like a leave and spend time with my life and everything. So that's minus the one that I the two reason I'm gonna use for myself yes so although so that's the limitation anyway maybe once I start doing things by myself and I'm an entrepreneur, I don't have to depend on somebody else's money.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Then I can take my leave I mean my breaks quarterly. I can always take it every month, Okay.
Speaker 1:We'll be praying for that to happen.
Speaker 2:Thank you very much. So that you can help to ease the stress bucket that seems to be going around, because we can't stop stress.
Speaker 1:No, you can't find a way how we manage it. Yes, yes, how we manage it. Yeah, that's true. Thank you very much, mr jobbe. Any final word before we go?
Speaker 2:um, I I would just encourage men and fathers to join our community. We want to build it up. We want to really start, you know, being there for ourselves. We want to see how we can raise our families to be families that are worthy of emulation. You understand, we want to make sure that what we do are things that we can look back on and be proud that we left a good legacy. We want to make sure that we can do that. So I would encourage all fathers and men to join the community and if you want to talk to me one-on-one before you want to join the community, I'm available. You can take my details from Sonia.
Speaker 1:Definitely, Mr Jubba. I'll be adding it to the description, the link for Better Dads. I'll be adding it as well for them to see more of the things that we're doing in the community. Thank you very much. It's been an interesting discussion.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:Right, okay, this has been Authentic Traveling Podcast. If you've not liked, committed or shared, what are you waiting for? Please do this, because we need more visibility to be able to get the word out there. There are more people that need this valuable, authentic content to change their life and to move things forward. I remain your host, abia sonia, until I see you again. Goodbye and god bless.