Authentic Thriving Podcast
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Authentic Thriving Podcast
Unveiling African Trauma Syndrome
We explore the concept of "African Trauma Syndrome" – the unique psychological and emotional challenges experienced by children across African cultures shaped by cultural expectations and social norms. Ayo, a young Gen Z voice, joins the conversation to share authentic perspectives on how certain parenting practices impact trust and emotional wellbeing.
• Common scenarios like the "put it on my head" directive that creates confusion when taken literally by children
• Parentification – where older siblings bear disproportionate responsibility for household duties and younger siblings
• How promises of "no punishment for honesty" followed by scolding creates lasting trust issues
• Academic expectations that focus on shortcomings rather than celebrating achievements
• Cultural practices like finding stew inside ice cream containers creating expectations that things aren't what they seem
• Boundaries with strangers and the pressure to engage with unknown adults due to cultural respect norms
• The importance of acknowledging children's efforts before providing constructive feedback
• Creating balance between cultural traditions and emotional wellbeing
If you're struggling with any issues discussed in this episode, please visit www.asebconsultancy.com where you can book a free 15-minute consultation with one of our counselors. Please like, share, and subscribe to help drive visibility to this platform.
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Hello and welcome to Authentic Traveling Podcast. I am your host, abiyasunia Ebenezer-Barramudbaran. I am an investor in positive transformation through counseling, life coaching, speaking and also writing books. Have you read my book yet? Inner Harmony Resilience Beyond Chronic Stress and Burnout resilience beyond chronic stress and burnout. This book is available on amazon and also on my website, wwwasebconsultancycom. On this podcast, we talk about our mental health, emotional well-being and also our holistic well-being in order for us to thrive authentically. This is a safe space for you to speak about soulful truth and talk about the things that will help you to come back to yourself and regain your self-awareness. Welcome to the Authentic Podcast once again. On this episode, I'm going to be speaking to a wonderful and a delightful young lady. Can you introduce yourself to?
Speaker 2:our audience, please. Hi, I'm Ayo Eboniza Bamegbayan and I'm the daughter of Afia Sanya.
Speaker 1:Okay, right. So she brought to my attention a very, very interesting topic. Welcome, welcome to Authent podcasts. Um, can you just tell us the the topic you you brought to my attention?
Speaker 1:I found it really interesting um african trauma syndrome african trauma syndrome, and when I did a bit of research about it, I found out that, although it is not a proven theory yet, what that means is that there is no published paper about it. However, within their generation, it's a topic that has been thrown around recently and I know that very soon, when someone lays their hands on it and they're able to collate evidence and do thorough research on it, probably someone is going to publish it very soon, so why don't we talk about it? So to you, what would you say? Trauma is I?
Speaker 2:would say trauma is an old woman feeling due to a stressful event that happened to the person.
Speaker 1:Right, okay, right, okay. I took my time to also find what it means, as in in the general term, they say trauma is a mental health condition as a result of events that is stressful. Like she said, it overwhelms your ability to process the thing emotionally. So that's what I said. So it's very, very, um, similar to what he said. So what is nadi african syndrome? African trauma syndrome? What is the difference between a normal trauma and an african child trauma? Because when I did some research about what an African trauma syndrome is, I said it's a term that is used to describe the unique psychological, emotional and social forms of trauma commonly experienced by children and teenagers across different African cultures and society. These traumas are shaped by cultural expectations, political instability, intergenerational trauma and rigid social norms. So there is a slight difference there, because our culture goes into it, but other trauma too, culture goes into it. So how come you guys have decided to coin this to the African trauma syndrome? Can you give me an example of what? What, um, you know teenagers like yourself called african trauma syndrome?
Speaker 2:hey, I'm very fascinated. You can think of many. So it's like, for example, when it's something that all african children can like agree on, that's happened to them, like it's not an original experience okay, it's something that they've all happened to them once in a lifetime, like one thing that everyone knows is if they say, oh, bring something for me.
Speaker 2:You bring it and you say where should I put it? You say, put it on my head. And you want to put it on their head, but you can't put it on their head because it'll slap you or you'll get in trouble with them.
Speaker 1:So that's traumatic what is traumatic about that?
Speaker 2:no, because mostly it happens when you were younger, for example, like you're five or six, and then you bring something for them they say and then you ask where you should, where you should put it, and they say, put on their head. And you go to put on their head and you're getting people who just do like they said you should do. You didn't know.
Speaker 1:It's like a rhetorical question, it could mean sarcastic so when I put it on the head, there's a repercussion from it. Yeah, and that repercussion is what you guys find to be traumatic. Yeah right, parents, I hope you are taking notes. Stop traumatizing your children. It's not fun, it's not making me laugh. Stop traumatizing your children, don't.
Speaker 1:I'm so guilty of that. I remember I did. I was like put on my head and I remember one of your siblings was actually bringing into my head and then she said that hey, you don't like yourself at all and she's like, but mommy said I should put it on my head. I said you really want to put this on my head, do you not understand? So what do you mean? You say will you move away from there right now? I started laughing because you at least. You went there to rescue her and to pre-warn her that do not. Unfortunately, there was no one to pre-warn you. My dear, you're like the, the ad weight, okay. Well, can you share more experiences? That you guys think is is an africa trauma scene? Well, I was saying through experiences.
Speaker 2:When they tell you to look for something and you can't find it, and then when they go to look for it and say if I find, if I see and I find it there, then it all of a sudden appears out of nowhere and they just find it even though it was never there when I checked, and I checked multiple times and it's just not there. It's that traumatic, okay. For example, if you say, oh, go and look for my yellow bag, yes, and then you mistook the color and I was looking for a yellow bag, but the color of the bag is actually brown. Right, I'm looking for a yellow bag, then you go there and find it. Then you just see it.
Speaker 1:Oh, I see. So what I see there is that that confusion that you end up experiencing, it can be very traumatic and scary for you because you don't know the emotional repercussion or the the adverse that would then proceed from that. Is that what you're saying? All right, okay. So it's like we parents, we need to be very, very clear about what we are looking for, what you want it to look for, so clarity will help to stop these, um, traumatic experiences. Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2:yes, because, as well, it can also build trust issues, and I have another example for that. Please give me. So an example is if you just got in trouble, yes, and you okay.
Speaker 2:For example, I'm washing the dishes and I've just broken a plate yeah and then my mom's at the door and she's like okay, just pass this door, I won't slap you, I won't beat you, and you're walking fast and you see, you know you're feeling you're getting slapped on the back after they just said they won't do anything to you so so you say, bring up trust issues yeah, because you you're hesitant to like trust other people to see if they're going to do something they're actually going to do it or not this is very serious.
Speaker 1:We need to stop laughing. We need to make this very serious. So you need to stop um instilling your children um trust issues, as in if you say you're not going to do something, as you just tell me the truth. So another one that I know that my, my, my parents used to do do is just tell the truth. If you tell the truth, you're not gonna be in trouble. You're not gonna be in trouble and you're like yes, I am the one that broke your favorite place, and there you see the race of things that will be on you. You're like but you said yeah, what if I said and so what? What if I said I said it? So you are lying. So if I didn't say that, you wouldn't have told the truth. So it's like they are not kind of um um, boxing you into a corner, still trying to make you feel wrong. So what I got from that is we need to ensure that if we say we're not going to do something, we should actually stick to it and don't do it exactly um the way we have promised, so we shouldn't break our promises. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, okay, that's, that's good.
Speaker 1:Um, is there any other emotional trauma syndrome examples that you feel we're parents, we need to learn, because you're standing on behalf of your generation to enlighten us so that this mistake can be stopped, because, seriously, we do not want to intentionally traumatize you people because you know we love and care for you people. So is there any other example that you can think about? Because from my research I found one. They call it parentification parentification being forced to take care of your younger siblings, yeah, or the household, because you are the oldest. So in this aspect, it's always the younger, the older ones that get the brunt of this. How true is this.
Speaker 2:Um, so I'm an, I'm the oldest out of three of us. I have two younger siblings and, um, I would just say that I'll all the times I'm in the house if, even if I'm not in the house, my name's getting called. How did you know?
Speaker 2:my name gets called 24 7, even when I'm on my bed sleeping, my name will be called to go and my sister, um, like, for example, if my sister needs cereal, fermi will be free. She'll be there doing nothing. I'll be there, do. Okay, I'll be. Like, for example, do my work, I'll be the one getting called to do Aoife's food. And um, I would like to say that Fermi's there too. She's also old enough to do stuff and she does do stuff. I feel like there is, but, like, for example, if something happens or if something breaks, I'll be the first person to get called. Or, for example, if, if everyone's getting told off, I'll be the one to get called, my name will be the one to get called. So I feel like the older siblings aren't, like they're not the cause of everything. They don't need to be at your beck and call. It's like I'm the second parent to them, right?
Speaker 1:okay, okay. So, um, you, you, it seems like you feel like, um, your generation feel like the. The responsibility that is being trust on you is too much. So you are still a child. Even though you are, you have. Allow me to be a child. I don't have to do everything for my siblings. Yeah, because I'm a child raising a child, basically. A child, raising a child, yeah, so you're just saying that your parents should be the ones who do everything, but isn't that helping out?
Speaker 2:No, not do everything. I mean, I'll do some things.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But it's just the frequency, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so the frequency should be moderate. It should be like, it should be balanced with my other siblings too. Right. But don't you think that, because you are, I'm not giving an excuse, but I'm just thinking that some people out there might think oh, we are older, so the older you are, the more responsibility that you are entrusted with.
Speaker 2:But it's like people don't see it like that I mean sometimes, like, for example, my mom said that once I start driving I'm doing the pickup from schools like a year left. So god, I thought I was gonna go with my school no, no, no, it's when you're coming back from from school.
Speaker 1:Now, there you go. You're coming back from college. You just go and pick them up. Why are you laughing? So that's part of the. If you are learning, we're learning. So we should do everything in moderation. Go and pick your children by yourself, do most of the things by yourself for your children and do not expect the older ones to do a to do the work. But it can help her, but not like being called at every um, every, every opportunity. Is that what I say?
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Speaker 1:Back to the program. Now, right, what about um? Because they also mentioned from my research, also mentioned academic expectations as well, whereby you, you, um, you don't do so well, or maybe and when I mean you don't do so well, maybe it's called 98 percent. And then someone were like what happened to the other two percent? Do you know person that got 100 percent? Do they have two? Head to us? That was our parents told. Told us that that was not like traumatic, but it just seems like everything is like trauma. Trauma. Don't you think that word has been overused? In that case, what do you think?
Speaker 2:okay, like, for example, say, in high school, once you got to like year 10 and 11 it was like GCSE times, so like when we had to do mocks, like most of the times when we're doing mocks and we're getting our results back I would see my results were better than, like, the highest in the class and then my I was. If I was to bring it to my mum or dad, they would say well, they would say you can do better than that, and I mean I know I can do better than that, but at least I know what my teachers would say. It was the highest and I would like take it as like a well done, as in like I felt quite smart. But then once they say that, oh, you can do better than that, or next time try and get this grade, and so saying well done kind of makes me feel like I'm just not doing as much as I can.
Speaker 1:Okay, so do you guys find it very demoralising? Yeah, so what is a better way that we can present that? Because every parent wants their child to do better. So what is the best way that we can present that?
Speaker 2:Because every parent wants their child to do better. So what is the best way that we can do that?
Speaker 2:I mean you can say well done, like just congratulate them on the score they got before saying or saying that, or you can like challenge them like next time, try and get this Like my dad used to do. When I was in like year three in primary school, I used to do times tables. And when I was in like year three in primary school, I used to do times tables and I used to get like seven out of ten, eight out of ten, and then my dad started challenging me to learn all the timetables. I had like a little poster in my room and I would have like all the times tables up to 12 and I was.
Speaker 2:I still remember all of them and I memorized all of them. I started getting 10 out of 10 and 10 out of 10 all the time, yeah. And then my dad was like really happy with that and it also made me happy too, because I was doing like a little challenge. Well, I saw it as a challenge when I was younger and I was being that challenge, so I was happy.
Speaker 1:So um, from a supportive way, not from a judgmental way. Yeah, that is better. And also to acknowledge your efforts before any further feedback. That's what I'm hearing you say okay, okay, in, in in some of the discussion and some of the things.
Speaker 1:While I was doing my research, I found another thing to be traumatic that things are not always the way it seems in the house. So sometimes a child might be like oh oh, the sun is really really hot, really hot. I want to go into the freezer and just have some ice cream. Let me scoop it into my cup, I'm just going to enjoy this ice cream. But from my research and the child said it got into the freezer. It opened the freezer, not got into the freezer, opened the freezer and then it brought the ice cream out with its plates and everything. Open the freezer and then I brought the ice cream out with his plate and everything and then when he opened it, low and below it was a bowl of stew, very yummy African stew, and then he said he found it very traumatic. So that's another that's probably bad. That's trust issue, that the more you look, the less you see things. I thought this is the way it seems in an african home. How true is that?
Speaker 2:that's very, very true. Ah, the first time I saw a tub of ice cream in the freezer, I was so happy, you understand. The first time you've an ice cream bowl full of ice cream nothing, nothing else inside, like party food it's. It's just happy. You're feeling happy, I don't understand.
Speaker 1:I don't understand. They said recycle, reuse, um, yeah, but no, no, we're trying to reuse. What's wrong with that?
Speaker 2:yeah, well that's just tricking the child, especially from a young. That can cause trauma, like having us in those videos where they're see they get a tub of ice cream out the freezer and then they have to film it show that there's ice cream inside and not stew inside and they're so happy he's withdrawing down this guy's eye because he saw ice cream inside the tub and not stew so he was crying as if he's out of shock.
Speaker 1:Yes, he was out of joy. Yes, right, so it's like I try to say that if you go to a western home, whatever the bull is living, as that's exactly what you find inside? No in a western home, that's what you find when an african home, it's not always the case, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, just don't get hopes up just keep your expectations as normal, like don't be surprised if you're finding rice in there or fried rice okay, the last but not the least question is in some, in some, in some of the research that I made, they said um, sometimes when you are working with an african parent, or maybe you go for a celebration and you just see they'll tell you to be greeting everybody, greeting everybody, and then it's that traumatic. I really don't understand what you guys are people that I've never met.
Speaker 2:Well, I've never met before. And they'll be saying oh, I changed your nappies when you were a baby. Oh, I washed you when you were a baby, I came to your foot. I'm not meant to remember that. I'm just not gonna remember that. So I don't know why I have to say hi to them and I'll just stand there and they'll be like oh, do you remember me? I'll be like no.
Speaker 1:No, the thing is it's not even that part. They only say it's traumatising them the fact that the people take offence that, ah, you do not remember me, and then your parents will say what's wrong with you? Why did you not say you remember them? That's the part they find. Really, If I don't remember them.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to remember them. I can't greet someone I don't know. I mean I'll say good afternoon, auntie, that's all Okay, I'm not going to go to someone and hug them.
Speaker 1:All right, I do understand that if you don't, of course you're a child you would remember, because as a child if you don't see the person very often, then you will not be able to remember the person as you are older. So for adults out there, if you say hello to your child, don't force them to remember you Parents. Don't force your children to remember the adults, because they might not recognize them genuinely. And it's not a sign of disrespect. It is not a sign of disrespect at all. They are being honest. So it's not a sign of disrespect at all. You're being honest. So it's almost as if you feel our generation don't appreciate your honesty. They find your honesty sometimes a bit disrespectful and you don't mean it like that. It's just being honest and being authentic. Is that correct? Yeah, okay, I think.
Speaker 1:The last one I'm going to ask is what I just remembered. You told me. Sometimes we are coming from college, there are people you call uncles, they want to hey, you don't know the child before and it's that for me. Conversation, I, I, do you find that triggering? Do you find that like emotionally upsetting, like because if you don't, you don't want to disrespect them? How do you find that people that you don't know from adam, but just because they are the same skin color as you, they? What do you think about that?
Speaker 2:it's like they treat every black person as one big family. I would say it's because, um, even if you're like on the bus in a public setting, they'll want to talk to you. Or, for example, um, I was on the bus one time and um an uncle started speaking to me and he asked what college I went to. I well, I mean, I was coming from that college so, and I had my lanyard on, so I told him. And then, um, he asked what I was studying. So I told him and then he asked, um, which uni do I want to go to? So it started getting quite deep, and then he started asking about my parents, and I thought he knew my parents, because my mom knows everyone around bolton.
Speaker 1:Surprisingly, how did that make you feel? How did that make you feel, uh, I mean. So why did not just shut it down? Why did not just shut the conversation down? Because I would feel bad and I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't know if it's seen as like disrespecting you see, these are the things that we're saying.
Speaker 1:So if we've put um, if we don't set a boundary, because next time you could just tell the person um, I am. I think the questions you're asking are very personal. I don't really know you, so I don't feel I should talk about all this. Answer all these questions, if you don't mind. I'd rather not answer them anymore. You could just say that if you're not comfortable in answering that. Because, even though, why do you use what uncle?
Speaker 1:For the right context, this person is not related to myself or my husband, this generation, anybody that is black, whether a black man or black woman. They call them auntie and uncle because they see. They see that if they call them by their name, um, or ask them their name, they find it disrespectful. So they just call everybody uncle, auntie, and that is not even related to them. That itself sometimes the lines can be blurred, because then you feel obliged to want to answer this question because some of them can be very intrusive.
Speaker 1:So if you're out there, a child that you don't really know I know it takes a village to raise a child but if you don't know the parents, they don't really then they are not under any obligation to answer your questions. You've already said hello, hi. That's enough. You don't start going into the history of the person. Which college are you going to? What course do you want to study? Do you do this? Do you do that? It's just a little bit. I wouldn't do that to another person's child.
Speaker 1:So if this generation sometimes it's as if we, um I would take advantage, we want to dig into things that are not supposed to do, we shouldn't be doing that and I don't think that's appropriate. If you know the parents of the child, then you can do that. Then it's more comfortable, isn't that right? Yeah, but if you don't know the person, it's, it's, it's very, very, it's very, very, um, um, how will I say? It's very intrusive to be asking those the questions. You don't know the father, you don't know the mother, you don't even know this child, don't? You? Don't converse with people that you don't know unless I mean, I'll just stand up and change seats, I just I'm just staring at the window.
Speaker 2:Oh so you were sitting inside I actually even saw him again after it happened.
Speaker 1:He said hi, so I have to greet him did you walk fast as much as you're like my boss you? You were doing ghosting on the up deck. Oh, this is very funny, right? Thank you so much for enlightening us on what you guys have seen as being traumatic. But the only thing in your own time you guys are making everything. Um, you're trivializing trauma now, because trauma is quite a serious, serious condition. But I do understand that when all these things get out of hand it can bring you overwhelm.
Speaker 2:But I only think you guys emotional resilience need to be built up as well now, I was at certain levels of trauma, I would say our trauma, african parent trauma syndrome yeah it's like here, yeah, and then like normal trauma, like yeah.
Speaker 2:I would say it's like, yeah, there's like a big gap, there's a big, but it's only because I would say, like these things leave you scarred as well, well, it doesn't leave you like um, leave you with like having panic attacks or something like that. But it's just like the fact that, for example, um, if you're Yoruba yes, I don't know if this is other tribes, but if you're Yoruba, you have to give things to your elder with your right hand. So that's just stuck with me. If, even if my teachers I give everything my right hand, I don't do my left hand, because I see it as rude that's, that's, that's, um, it's a cultural respect, so it's good.
Speaker 1:So what I'm taking away from this is that whatever we are doing we, we should do it in moderation. We should avoid things that will make you guys to have trust issues and also we should acknowledge every effort that you're making and then support from excuse me, from a place of how would I say now, from a place of empowerment, not from a place of devaluing the person, what they've done and trivializing their safety charges went to school and did not learn anything but genuinely acknowledge their strengths and then be there to support them with necessary tools. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that trauma, that trauma will be helped, right, that trauma will be eradicated. Are there other things that we need to do to ensure that we don't traumatize you guys anymore? Because we love you guys, we don't want to traumatize our, our teenagers. Is there any other thing?
Speaker 2:we need to do um having see-through bowls for your shiitake and your rice, not ice cream bowls see-through bowls.
Speaker 1:Eh, so I'll be able to tell is this a goosey, Is this rice? Is this whatever? You'll be able to just test straight away. And ice cream bowls. What shall we do with it? Is it recycled?
Speaker 2:Just get rid of it, put it in the recycling bin. Once the ice cream's finished Alright.
Speaker 1:thank you so much, ayo. On this podcast, we always ask our guests one question what do you do to authentically thrive always? One thing I do to thrive what are the self care things that you do?
Speaker 2:I always say I go to the gym. I also work with children at my job, so it helps me as well. Um, I also learn how to manage my school life and my personal life as well okay, so that help you as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, fantastic. Thank you so much. Any final word you want to say to any parent out there?
Speaker 2:um, uh, not really, no, actually actually yes. Um, I would just like to say that just say it.
Speaker 1:Sorry, just say what is it.
Speaker 2:Um, when you see children and you think you know well, just because they're black, please don't speak to them. I mean, if they have like the headphones in or their earphones, like, I mean, you can greet them, you can ask them questions like how to get somewhere, like that, but if it gets like conversationally, asking what college and what unique courses they want to start, I would advise not to do that please.
Speaker 1:It's just uncomfortable okay, noted, only speak to those that you know the appearance exactly and you know them all, right, okay, thank you, ayo. This has been authentic, thriving podcast and I'm your host, abiyasunia, thank you so much for joining us and where you have been discussing about African Trauma Syndrome, I've learned a lot. Thank you very much. I hope for enlightening and for bringing this to your attention. Until I come your way again, take care and God bless, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.