Authentic Thriving Podcast
Welcome to Thriving mindset podcast. On this platform I will be talking on mental health, emotional wellbeing, sprituality, business, career, purpose . This will help you transform your mind as a person, help you live a purposeful life with clarity through holistic intentional lifestyle.Your feedback comments and share will be highly appreciated. Thank you and look forward to serving you value and authenticity.
Authentic Thriving Podcast
Navigating Judgment After Vulnerability
Vulnerability, when misunderstood, often gets labelled as weakness. Yet, it's actually one of our most powerful tools for emotional liberation and authentic connection. This episode explores what happens when vulnerability is met with judgment instead of compassion.
We dive deep into a listener's heartrending experience: a respected church member who shared her past experience of having a child out of wedlock as a teenager during a women's convention, only to be stripped of her titles and accused of setting a bad example. This story opens up crucial conversations about safe spaces, authentic truth-telling, and the messages religious communities send when they punish honesty.
Drawing from personal experience sharing about miscarriages, I outline a practical framework for approaching vulnerability wisely. Before sharing your story, hold a "meeting with yourself" to clarify your motives. Consult with stakeholders who might be affected by your sharing. Prepare emotionally for various responses, including judgment and dismissal. Most importantly, set clear boundaries about what you're willing to share and with whom.
When vulnerability goes wrong, follow the four A's: Acknowledge your feelings of exposure, Assess whether this was the right space, Affirm that your truth remains valid regardless of others' responses, and Adjust your approach without hardening your heart. Remember, vulnerability isn't about gaining everyone's approval—it's about seeing yourself clearly and freeing yourself from the burden of secrets.
We're creating a troubling society where people must choose between being authentic or being welcome. Let's challenge this by celebrating truth-telling and creating spaces where people can share without fear of punishment. Your titles and positions don't define your worth—your courage to live truthfully does.
Looking for support after vulnerability has led to judgment? Visit asebconsultancy.com to book a free consultation and begin processing these complex emotions in a truly safe space.
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Hello and welcome to Authentic Traveling Podcast. I am your host, abiyasunia Ebenezer-Barramudbaran. I am an investor in positive transformation through counseling, life coaching, speaking and also writing books. Have you read my book yet? Inner Harmony Resilience Beyond Chronic Stress and Burnout resilience beyond chronic stress and burnout. This book is available on amazon and also on my website, wwwasebconsultancycom.
Speaker 1:On this podcast, we talk about our mental health, emotional well-being and also our holistic well-being in order for us to thrive authentically. This is a safe space for you to speak about soulful truth and talk about the things that will help you to come back to yourself and regain your self-awareness. Welcome to the Authentic Podcast. Once again. In this episode, I am going to be sharing a question that was sent in. It is a very, very interesting one. Very interesting one, so just listen and pay attention. He said I'm a respected member of my society and church and one day we had a women's convention and in the heat of me sharing my story as part of my presentation to encourage young girls and young women in the congregation, I let slip that I had a child in my teenage years out of wedlock. To my utmost surprise, instead of being embraced or people understanding the context of me sharing this. I was stripped up of all my titles and I was accused of setting bad examples to young ladies and to the people who look up to me. So today I want to ask how can a church create a safe space for people to tell the truth without being punished for speaking as to what they did in the past? And also, what message are we sending to young people who are trying to make a confession, and could this be a threat to their healing pathway? Now, that is such an interesting question because the woman also highlighted the fact that even uh, she was stripped of her title and accused of also of trying to, um, encourage other people to do the same thing or make it look presentable that it is okay and they are being covered by grace. Now, this is what happens when people are vulnerable in the wrong place.
Speaker 1:I am going to be dealing with vulnerability today, because a lot of people do not know what that word means. They're just straight around. The first thing I'm going to say I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I'm sorry that this happened to you that you feel really cold, you feel like isolated, or you feel you are experiencing a kind of regret for even giving that example in the church, and now you've been stripped before your title. I know a lot of people like to be known as one thing or the other, you know. So I am sending you peace and love and I'm going to be diving in. So, please, if you are listening to this podcast today, I want you to get a drink, get a biscuit, or take some fruits that you're going to be snacking on. Take some fruits that you're going to be snacking on.
Speaker 1:Now, vulnerability is not a weakness, like a lot of people say. Vulnerability is actually an emotional liberating experience, because when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, then you are letting go of all the clutters in your heart, of all the things that you are holding on to. However, there are ways to be vulnerable. I remember when I shared last year, or even the years before, that I went through miscarriages and I even did interview with people, a lot of people, especially in the african context, finding a little bit out there that, yeah, people have denormalizes, people have miscarriages. It's something that you keep to yourself. You don't have to go out there and broadcast it and everything. But one thing that helped me during that process is that, before being vulnerable with the people that are outside, my guests and all of that stuff I'd already made up my mind to have a meeting with myself. Yes, so before you decide to be vulnerable, hold a meeting with yourself. Ask yourself why are you choosing to be vulnerable? I ask myself that question why do I feel that I need to share that story with people during baby loss month in October?
Speaker 1:Now, yes, I've been through miscarriage and I interviewed other people to share their experiences. The first reason for me was that I want to be able to share my story with other people, not to have a pity party, but to be able to share my story with other people. Not to have a pity party, but to be able to encourage other people that are going through their experiences that you can go through their experiences, like miscarriage or any other awful experiences you've been through. You can then progress to heal from it, or those people that are going through it that don't know what to do in that circumstances. I was hoping that my experience will help to show them ways to start their healing journey on how to even begin. I was also hoping that if you've been through that experience. Then you will be able to know what to do in order to be able to for your support system, to know how to help you and also to help spouses that are going through this, to know how to relate and help one another in our circumstances.
Speaker 1:So, after holding that meeting with myself and ensuring that my motive for sharing was very clear, then I also spoke to my spouse. He knows that I'm vulnerable with things like that and it was okay with it, right? I know that it was going to be okay with it and because we've spoken to it we've spoken about it before so he knows that it was not sharing for pity party. It was not sharing to, uh, to let everybody know our business. No, it was sharing to ensure that other people learn from it, other people know how to heal from it, other people know what to do with it and to support. That was my main motive.
Speaker 1:So, you see, before you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you need to hold a meeting with yourself. First, hold a meeting with your stakeholders. So your spouse hold a meeting with them, right, because those are the people that are going to be affected and, depending on how big it is, you can also speak to your children as well that this is what has happened. I've spoken to you, my um, to their dad or whichever case, maybe mom, and I'm also sharing with you in order for you to know and this is the reason I'm doing what I'm doing Once you get that sorted, it doesn't matter are other people not, and though the vulnerability is not going to affect you, because once you are holding that meeting with yourself to set your motive and also to be also be aware that other people might not take your vulnerability the way you take it, and you also settle in with yourself that you'll be okay with whatever repercussions your vulnerability brings up, because there are people that when you share, even though you've settled with yourself your motive, they will misconstrue your motive.
Speaker 1:You need to be okay with it, that it is fine. However people perceive it, however people receive it, that is their own cup of tea. You are doing this for this motive and you are fine with however other people decide to take it and ensure that that is not going to be your cup of tea. That is not going to bother you. So when you have settled this within your mind and you have built up your emotional resilience enough to win out whatever repercussions out there that is going to be thrown at you. Then you can go ahead to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1:So for this sister that thought that she was cool with everybody in the church and she was just sharing her story, she didn't know that people are going to them where they are holy halo all over their head and they start judging. She thought she was. She said she thought she was covered with the grace of god, and people will understand that it was in her past and she's the new creation now. So these are the things that you need to talk about. Make sure you make peace with yourself and know why you are saying what you are saying what you are saying. Okay, well done.
Speaker 1:I just want to ask you a favor To subscribe, like and share to your friends, your neighbor, your colleagues, your family, your friends and everybody that you know, and I'm really working hard to ensure that I bring useful and valuable information that will help you with your mental and emotional well-being, so that you begin to thrive authentically. You know a lot of us will feel we have to wait until something happens before we become reactive, but with this podcast, I am trying to give you information that will make you proactive, so you don't even have anything to react to in the end because you are looking after yourself properly. So what are you waiting for? If you have been listening, please like, share, comment on anything that resonates with you. This will help to drive our visibility. And also, if there is any other topic that we have discussed that has been a trigger or that you feel you need support with, please visit wwwasebconsultancycom. There is a 15-minute free consultation link that you can click on right there and book to speak to one of our counselors. Thank you so much for helping to drive visibility to this platform. And also, if you have been listening on Apple, spotify, audible and every other podcast platform there, please follow us and keep sharing, thank you. Thank you so much. Back to the program now.
Speaker 1:Vulnerability is a strength, according to Dr Brad Brown. He said vulnerability is a best place of connection, creativity and courage. Vulnerability helps you with a lot of things. So, sister, hang in there. You have learned from this situation.
Speaker 1:If they strip your title as whether a woman leader, or as a dickiness, or a pastor or assistant pastor, it is fine. Those things are earthly titles. We are not going to take those titles to heaven, our god, do not love us more or love us less because of our title. Your children will not love you more or love you less because you are called you because of your title. Your spouse is not. It's not going to love you more or love you less because of your title. Your spouse is not going to love you more or less because of your title. If they strip you of your title, you have to make peace with yourself and be okay with it. If not, you are going to be stuck in regretting, and when you are stuck in regretting, it's a very heavy load to carry on your back. Regret is a strong emotion to live with. It keeps you in bondage. So I would say please be at peace with yourself. Make peace with yourself and then make peace with your spouse and your family members. The first thing is your priority is you Make peace with yourself. You shared. Remember your motive as to why you shared. If they want to keep their title, then they keep their title.
Speaker 1:When we are vulnerable, it also a moment for us too. It's also a revelatory moment whereby you begin to know and understand people around you. When things are perfect, you don't really know people around you. It is when things are not perfect. That is when you begin to know the people, the quality of people, the type of people that are surrounding you. So it is very, very important that you give thanks to God that you know the kind of people that you are fellowshipping with. If you are still able to stay in that fellowship after all you have been through, then fine. If you are not able to stay with it, well, you can move to another place.
Speaker 1:But before you make any decision, please make peace with yourself, forgive yourself and also forgive them. I know that is a big ask. Forgive them. You have to forgive them. It is so important that you forgive them Because it's not about them, it's about you. You have ended up liberating yourself from sharing that and you do not know how many people that will be liberated from you sharing that story in the church that day. That is a testament that it doesn't matter the mistake that you have made. As long as you restitute, you evaluate, you're learning from your mistake, you can still turn back and move in the right direction and make a success of your life. So I'm telling you now that the fact that you had a child outside of wedlock and you were still able to position yourself well, make a good story out of your life, and you are not an inspiration to other people. It just shows that you have work. You must have made a lot of efforts to turn your life around and that is all God wants. That you are not claimed in your heart. You, you are making the right decisions. That is what matters. God is not going to judge you. If people judge you. God will not judge you For people out there that want to be vulnerable in one way or the other and do not even know where to start.
Speaker 1:Knowing fully where that vulnerability brings liberation. It will liberate you from all those secrets that you are carrying. It will liberate you from anxiety. It it helps you to start on a clean slate. It helps you to also know the kind of people that are around you. It helps you to accept yourself. It helps you to understand yourself more and helps you to understand the people that are around you and break from the circles of profession, isolation or worry that people will find out who you really are and then they might just expose you and then you have to lose everything. It helps you to build on a sincere foundation. There's a lot of benefits from being vulnerable.
Speaker 1:Like I say to people who are vulnerable, I don't have any secret that I'm going to be afraid that people are going to blackmail me for for sharing my story. This is my story. I'm going to control the narrative. I am going to share it the way you are. So that's what you've done. You've ended up controlling the narrative of how you ended up having a child outside of wedlock and if your spouse has accepted you like that, who are we to judge you? Who are the people in your church to judge you?
Speaker 1:So, before you become vulnerable, know that not everyone will respond to your vulnerability very well. Some will be very dismissive, just like they've done to the person that sent this message in. They are overreacting and removing her from positions and all of that stuff. Some people will judge you because you dare to admit that this is what happened to you and you share it. So people will betray you, which is what she has also experienced. She's been betrayed by people that she has been fellowshipping with for god knows when, and now they are looking at her and these responses can lead to regret. So please don't be hung over. Don't be so hung up on all of the things that people do focus on you and how to heal from it going forward.
Speaker 1:Okay, so remember, if you are deciding to be vulnerable, know that people will be despissive. People will judge you. People will overreact. People will be despissive. People will judge you. People will overreact. People will make you feel regret. Don't do it. Don't do it. Choose your liberation over. It's like I'm repeating this over and over Choose to liberate yourself Before you become vulnerable, even though you want to liberate yourself.
Speaker 1:I want you to think about this. Ask yourself these people I want to share with, have they earned the right for me to be vulnerable with them? Ask yourself that question have they earned the right for you to be vulnerable with? Because when you share with people that are compassionate, people that are empathetic, people that have been consistently there for you, then we embrace it. Well now, wow, you trust us enough to share this with us. But if they've not earned it, then you shouldn't.
Speaker 1:Also, if you want to be vulnerable, make sure you are vulnerable in you doses. Don't just go all out to be vulnerable with people, but vulnerable in bits and watch people's reaction, and then you'll be able to know how vulnerable you can be with them. There are some people you're vulnerable with. They turn into a source of gossip. You know you only told that one person and now everybody knows. So you will learn to take your vulnerability to somewhere. So people are not mature enough to be able to receive your vulnerability. So you don't have to reveal everything I was revealed in doses. Now you can be vulnerable and still be private.
Speaker 1:Yes, you can be vulnerable and set boundaries. So, for example, I've shared a different platform of the level of of pain that I went through when I had the miscarriage, and nobody is going to then labor me with that. Nobody is not going to press me or push me to say more than I want to say. It is my story. I am going to share it the way I want to share it. So nobody should have the right to tell you the person that sent this letter To ask you then oh, what did you do? Who is the father of the child, and so forth and so on. No, you have to set boundaries. This is what I want to share and this is how I want to share it, and that is it. Nobody has the right to press you to say more than you want to share. So set your boundaries in the right way as well. Okay, share on a need to know basis. Share the part of the story that you want to inspire people with.
Speaker 1:You don't have to tell people how many miscarriages you've had. You don't have to tell people how many miscarriages you've had. You don't have to tell people what about those that were pregnant and they did abortion? Who is going to find out? Are you going to judge them? Who is more holy? The person that decided she has made a mistake. She's not going to use another mistake to cover another mistake. She's not going to use sin to cover another mistake and she has the evidence of wrong choices and those that are covering it that have made an abduction. You will never know and you will think they are more holy. So we have to be careful that we don't become judging us out there.
Speaker 1:Also, be very, very sure that these people are ready for it. There are some people that are not ready for that level of vulnerability. They are not ready because the context they are too righteous or the context that they, especially if there is a cultural nuances. So you need to be very, very aware that these people are their mindset open enough. Do they have the same mindset as me for you to be very, very aware that these people and their mindset opening up? Do they have the same mindset as me for you to be able to open? So pause and ask yourself questions how they will take it. Okay, and for those people that have been through vulnerability and you did not get the right answer and went wrong like the sister that shared that sent this message in please acknowledge.
Speaker 1:These are the steps. It's about four a's. The first one is acknowledge. Acknowledge that you have made this vulnerability and you feel exposed. Acknowledge that you feel exposed and you felt misunderstood. Make peace with yourself. Then you need to then assess yourself. Was this the right space for me to share this story? If you feel like that was not the right place, or you feel like people, you did your assessment and you feel like those people needed to hear it so that there's no more mistakes like that or we can mitigate against it, then it's fine. If you are fine with your assessment, then that's fine.
Speaker 1:If your assessment brings you to a place of whereby you are not regretting, you need to also let go of that regret and not that. Yet you made a mistake. We all made a mistake whereby you thought people were ready, but they are not ready. You need to affirm yourself that my truth is valid, even if others do not buy into my truth. Validate yourself by affirming. Affirm yourself that my truth is my truth. I made a mistake, I corrected my mistake and I'm happy, and God is happy with me because you do not commit any further sin. Okay, so affirm yourself.
Speaker 1:Adjust as well as this vulnerability has made you to understand the kind of people around you that are judging you, adjust yourself Next time. Mind what you share with them. If you decide to stay in that fellowship, if you decide to move, adjust yourself accordingly. Protect your softness without adding your heart. Protect your softness without handing your heart. It doesn't mean going forward. You're not becoming, you're going to become secretive. Please don't that, because when you carry too much secret in your heart and you do not let go, you do not share it with the right people. You do not talk about it, how it makes you feel. It can lead to disease in the body. So please look after yourself. Do not contaminate yourself with toxins because of people's inability to understand you.
Speaker 1:Okay, vulnerability is about being seen. It's not about being. It's about you seeing yourself. It's not about everybody seeing you Right. It's about saying it to the right person. It's about liberating yourself. So I am urging you to please think about this Acknowledge, assess, affirm yourself and be happy with your decision and then adjust accordingly.
Speaker 1:Nobody sits so high. Nobody is sinless. We are all saved by grace. We are all saved by grace, so we need to acknowledge this. When no one choose you, choose yourself. We don't have to build a society whereby we encourage and we celebrate lack of authenticity. When people are not authentic, they are packaging themselves. We start acknowledging them. They are packaging themselves. We start acknowledging them, we start celebrating them. And those that choose to be real are not welcome and those that choose to be fake are welcome. We shouldn't build a society like that, where people have to choose between being real or between being welcome. I hope this helps you.
Speaker 1:If you have been vulnerable out there, remember what I said Before you decide, have a meeting with yourself, have a meeting with your stakeholders. Resolve your motive. Be happy with your motive. Remember there will be repercussions, because it doesn't matter how good your motive is, people will still judge you. People will be dismissive. People will begin to react in ways that you can never even comprehend, you never even expected. Let go of emotions of regret, of anger, of shame. Let go of it. Those are terrible, poisonous, toxic emotions that you do not want to be your companion in any season of your life. Keep your truth. If you want to keep your truth, truth, do not make it a lie because of what other people are saying. I am so glad that you have been authentic to yourself and I really do hope that you heal from this. If you need any support with healing, you want to talk this through. You want to process all the emotions that are coming up for you, please reach out with me. Let me arrange a free session for you to be able to process this.
Speaker 1:For any out body out there that has been vulnerable and you have been judged, you have been isolated. It means you were in the wrong crowd to start. Wait, it means you were in. No, it just shows that you were in the wrong crowd in the first place. Accept the revelation, make adjustments and keep thriving in your life. After all, this is Authentic Thriving Podcast.
Speaker 1:If you are still struggling with it, journal all your emotions. Don't leave it in your head. Talk to people that you trust. If you don't want to book a session, that's fine. If you want to, this is the time for you to grab this offer. I am sending peace and love to people out there who are keeping it real, who are showing up in an authentic way, who are authentically thriving and not leaving a package or a fake it till you make it life. I am sending you peace and love. This has been authentic, thriving broadcast. Until I call me away again, I remain your host. I'll be a soldier. Keep thriving, keep flourishing and please do like, share and comment if this resonates with you. Take care and God bless, bye for now.