Authentic Thriving Podcast
Welcome to Thriving mindset podcast. On this platform I will be talking on mental health, emotional wellbeing, sprituality, business, career, purpose . This will help you transform your mind as a person, help you live a purposeful life with clarity through holistic intentional lifestyle.Your feedback comments and share will be highly appreciated. Thank you and look forward to serving you value and authenticity.
Authentic Thriving Podcast
Transforming Hurt into Hope: Leading Community Change
You never forget the first time someone tells you, “I’m hungry, but I’m not allowed to go out.” That sentence set off a chain reaction: an African food bank that feeds dignity as much as stomachs, a Pidgin English translation service that makes NHS guidance usable, and a befriending network that proves single mums are doing double the work and deserve double the support. We sit down with a lawyer‑turned‑founder whose courage and clarity turned personal stigma into a citywide safety net for women and girls.
We trace the journey from a church testimony to a queue of women quietly living with abuse, immigration stress and isolation. The throughline is simple but radical: help starts before therapy. Start with food that families recognise, language they understand, and spaces where culture is a strength. From living‑room gatherings to a registered charity serving Greater Manchester and beyond, she shows how to build confidence after domestic abuse, how to partner instead of duplicate, and why dance therapy beats a cold craft table when you need joy to return. Along the way, you will hear how visa barriers were navigated, why non‑physical abuse must be named, and how a movement grows when former service users become volunteers, drivers, broadcasters and founders.
We go deep on the UK’s first befriending service for single mothers, the realities behind “no recourse to public funds,” and the subtleties of designing culturally appropriate services that actually get used. Expect practical blueprints: referral ecosystems, one‑to‑one basic IT and English support, toy and baby banks, and campaigns that flip stigma into pride. Her book, In A Strange Land, threads the personal with policy, proving you can achieve, organise and lead even before citizenship papers arrive.
If stories of domestic abuse recovery, African diaspora communities, immigration resilience, and community leadership speak to you, you’ll find tools you can use and hope with evidence. Listen, share with a friend who cares about women’s safety and dignity, and leave a review so more people can find this work. Subscribe for more conversations that start where systems stop and carry people the rest of the way.
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Finnish place and burnout. This book is available on Amazon and also on my website, www.assebconsultancy.com. On this podcast, we talk about our mental health, emotional well-being, and also our holistic well-being in order for us to drive authentically. This is a safe space for you to speak about soulful truth and talk about the things that will help you to come back to yourself and regain your self-awareness. Welcome to the authentic podcast once again. Hello. On this episode, we are going to be speaking to a very, very interesting guest. It's a guest that I have been following the work that she does, and I've admired her from far. I've admired her work, and one thing that I've noticed about her is that she's very, very consistent. She's someone that has been on this course for a while now, I think for about 11 years or more. I don't know if you can correct me about that. 13 years. Oh my goodness, 13 years. You can see it's someone that has been consistent. So I thought she'll be it would be befitting for her to speak to us today about her journey, and then we'll learn a lot of things from it. So, Ma, thank you so much for honoring my invitation. I'm just going to allow you to introduce yourself.
SPEAKER_01:All right. So, hello, my name is Ehino Otai Beamedu. I'm the chief exec and founder of Wonderfully Made Woman. It's a charity that provides holistic support for women and girls who have experienced significant adversity. And what we do is basically to help them build their confidence and support network so they can thrive. We're based on Manchester Rochdale and voting, but we support women across Greater Manchester and beyond.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much, Ma.
SPEAKER_02:Your your introduction is very modest. I know that you are also a lawyer. Oh, yeah, by profession, yes. That's right. And I know that you have been nominated for the is it pride of Britain Award?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, um, I got uh special recognition for Pride of Britain.
SPEAKER_02:That's right, and I know 21. What was that 2023? 2023, and I also know that you've been awarded a member of the Order of the British Empire for services to women in Greater Manchester Laz MBE for those people that don't know. When I told your introduction was modest, so just hold up, bear with me. I know that she's the woman that has also founded the first black food bank, African food bank, to support the BAM community. So if you are in diaspora, you will know how beneficial that is. Because when we go to the food bank, then you will see loads of western food. There are some people they just want to eat their African food. So this is one woman that has thought it wise to create a food bank that will cater for that need, and also she has also recently been awarded or announced to be part of the Church E Fellowship member because she's also a community researcher. You see, she's loaded. So when I said she was modest, so those are the ones that I found out, and also she's also a UN Women UK delegate as well. You can see that there are there's a lot of things that she supports that are so in alignment with what I believe and with what I do. So that is just a not share of what she does. So thank you so much again for joining us today. I'm just gonna ask you this has been a very long journey, 13. So if this was a human being, the person will be officially be a teenager. Yeah, I'm being high school, I'll be in high school, yeah nine or year eight. Okay, yeah, so nearly done. That's halfway through high school. So I'm just gonna ask you um, what led you into this? How did you get into this journey that will involve a lot of sacrifice along the way?
SPEAKER_01:So, first of all, um before I moved to the UK, I've always had passion for community. I've always loved to help people. And growing up in to see uh women being abused, um, I just realized that wow, I needed to do something. Initially, I wanted to be a counselor, but obviously, the family I come from, those days, you have to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. Then I thought, okay, I could read law. I could read law to help other women. Um, I've always loved mediation. I've always loved that counseling part of you know, of a career. So I actually read law in my head that I was going to support women. Uh, fortunately, just after I became, I was called to the Nigerian bar as baristan solicitor of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, we had to relocate. So even though I was doing charitable work in my little way, I didn't establish anything in Nigeria. Then we moved to the UK. So coming to the UK, I never imagined having a charity here. I knew that at some point in my life I would do that in Nigeria. But in the UK, no way. You know, it's just you go to work, you do your normal nine to five job, and you're okay. So it wasn't really part of my journey, really. So when we came to the UK, and unfortunately, I had a relationship breakdown, and all of a sudden I realized, okay, I'm now a single mom with two young children, what's going to happen? So there was really a lot of stigma in the in our community. Um, being a single mom, you know, the stigma that comes with it in your community, in the church, you know, being talked about as someone who couldn't build a home, you not being a proverb 61 woman, or you didn't pray enough. You know, it was all always about the woman. Yes. And then the gossip that follows, you know, once your marriage breaks down, you see even your so-called friends, they're running away from you because they feel you're gonna sleep with their husband. So there was so much stigma which made me very isolated. And um, I just started doing things on my own. I lost my confidence. I was actually suicidal, not really because of the marriage breakdown. I think the stigma I faced from the church, it was terrible. My children were also facing the same thing, and that really made me very sad. So all I did was just go to church and come back home. I wasn't really part of any, you know, any um, what do you call it, being a worker in church. Yes. The way I was doing before, because it was just gossip here and there. So I just said, okay, let me go to church and I'll come back. I think it was um really, I came in as a dependent on the highly skilled migrant program. So when you're coming with that visa, you're coming more like as a professional, right? You're not entitled to benefits, you have no recourse to public funds. Even when I had my daughter here in the UK, we are still not entitled to public funds because of the visa that we came in. So when I went through relationship breakdown, there was really no help for me. Why? Because once you call the council or you call for help, the first thing they will ask is, what's your child benefit number? We didn't have that. And immediately you said that it was almost like a barrier. You know, so at some point I stopped looking for help until one day I realized, you know what? Even if the marriage had broken, I saw myself being depressed. I saw, you know, those days in Nigeria we didn't know anything about depression or so. I just knew I was sad. And I was really, really sad. And luckily, um, one of my, I think it was my manager at work, I used to work at the Department for Works and Pension, who had said, Oh, you know, you actually went through abuse, even though it wasn't physical. And I kept saying, no, no, no, it's not abuse, because in Nigeria, when you hear abuse, it's the physical part. So he had given me a link to look at, and it was a link that would say, if you can answer yes to any of these questions, then you need to seek help. So I actually went home that day and I looked at the questions the women's aid have asked. If you know, and I could say that, oh, okay, I've gone through this, I've gone through this, and I actually called them and I said, you know what, I need help. And for the first time, they didn't ask about child benefit number. So I was happy. Um, and I had excited, I had a few sessions of counseling with the with women's aid, and I started to feel better. Secondly, there was also a barrier because once the relationship breaks down, the home office expects the better the dependent and the children to go back home, regardless whether it was your fault or not your fault. So I had to also battle that. Unfortunately, I don't know if it's because I worked in a government office or they just managed to have my home, uh my land form in the office, my direct line. So most time I'm at work and my manager is like, oh, the home office just called. Then I call them back and they're like, you know, you need to go back. So the fear of going to work, don't know whether I will be picked, or my children will be picked, was also there for me. How did I navigate that? It was just God that gave me the grace, and also I think my profession haven't gone to solicitors, and they were like, oh, you know, because you came as highly skilled, you can't seek asylum, you can't even go through domestic abuse because to even apply under DV, you need to have been uh married to somebody who was already settled in the UK. That wasn't our case. So there was really nowhere to apply. So I was just going around the circle and until I told the solicitor, I'm gonna find a way. And I did my own research. I love research. And uh I did my own research and I realized okay, there is a way out. So um, luckily I was able to get discretionary leave to remain for me and my children, even though later on their dad, you know, uh did their their stay. Uh so it was just me after some years. So I I got my discretionary leave to remain. Yes, it wasn't something I wanted because as at the time I was doing that, I was actually due for indefinite leave to remain. Oh wow. Discretionary leave to remain means that I had to go 10 years backwards. Oh wow, before I could get indefinite. As at that time, it didn't mean anything to me. It was just like, okay, I can stay with my children. Now I could have gone back. Yes, but it was just the shame and the stigma of going back to Nigeria. I was already facing that here, and I felt it would be more back. True. So I chose to stay because I could hide here. Nobody would know what's happening to me in the UK, apart from family and free friends. So I explained all that to the home office to say, if I go back, I'm not going to suffer financially. I won't. But I'm not, I don't want to go because I don't think I can face the shame and the stigma of being a single mom. I was very honest. And I think in less than three or four weeks, I got my my leave to remain. Wow. So when I got that, and as a Christian, you know what you normally do, you go to church and you give testimony. Yes. Right? So on this faithful Sunday, I went to church and I just felt, oh, let me give testimony and at least thank God. Yes. Because almost everybody knew that, oh, they were going to send me back and all that. So when I gave that testimony that they put already people knew my story and all that. So it was a thing of joy for people. So after church service, a lot of women came to me first to congratulate me and also to tell me I need your number because I'm going through the same thing. Wow. So these were people I'd admired in church. You think that their marriage was almost near perfect. You know, so they asked for my number. Some contacted me on Facebook. I think I had just opened Facebook to connect with my high school friends and uni friends. So they started sending messages. Then I realized that in my environment, there were so many women that were going through the same thing. Wow. Especially women who had come with the same spouse visa on that highly skilled migrant program. So these women were coming to say, How did you do it? How did you move from being depressed, that sad woman, to now blowing? Don't just tell me it's Jesus. What did you do? What steps did you take? So, really, yes, God was there, but there were steps that I took. So I started telling them the steps I took, what I read, how to build my confidence back, finding a new network, new friendship, new community for myself. Even though they were not necessarily Nigerians, they were people who accepted me, who accepted my children. So when these women kept coming and coming, I was just like, what's going on? Though I've had vision years ago, I was still young when I had vision that I was going to have an organization to support women that were depressed, that were crying and suffering. Wow. I remember telling my mom, yeah, in 1992. I remember telling my mom and my sisters, and we all laughed. We laughed because I used to be a very quiet person. So having that kind of dream, you know, I wasn't even in Nigeria, but I was telling them I was doing this. I was my mom was like, oh, really? You were doing that. And you know, we all started laughing. So when these women started coming, I started asking myself, what do I do to help them? How can I support them? And that was where you know I got this vision. And the reason I got the vision, I would say, when you're still, when you're still and you're in the presence of God, God has a way of speaking to you. So initially, um uh my my ex had um opportunity to pick the children up every weekend, right? And I used to just cry because you know, my my daughter especially was still very young. I don't think she was even up to three then. So I would cry every night, and one day I said to myself, you know, you can do better with your weekend. What can you really do to instead of just crying? And I was like, okay, maybe I can be talking to these women, maybe I can be calling them. And I got this vision and I spoke to a few women, and I said, we need to set up something. First of all, was to support Nigerian women initially who were going through abuse, who had no um confidence to speak, because they knew that there was really no support for them. Yes. So we became more like that voice for Nigerian women. Secondly, was to raise awareness on the effect of domestic abuse on women and their children. And the reason I'm passionate about is about that is because a lot of women will tell you they stay because of their children. What they don't understand is the trauma that comes with staying, the trauma the children have to live with for a very long time, or maybe for the rest of their lives. So we started raising awareness and I was just a single mom. I there was no funding. I didn't even think about funding. I was just, let me just help. And I remember clearing my sitting room and creating an office in Clayton as at that time in 2011, in July. Then by September three months after, I saved for three months to build a website. And the website was opened in September 17th, and then December 17th, 2011, we did the official uh inauguration of Wonderfully Middleman, bringing in women um every Wednesday, um, creating that safe space for women to share in that non-judgmental space. Yes. So every Wednesday initially, I would take unpaid leave from work. So where women would drop their children um in school in the morning, then they will come to my home. Yes. Have coffee, biscuits, we talk, we chat. And because of my experience with working with DWP, my law background, I was able to find ways of you know communicating with um either the council or the home office. Now I was no longer afraid of home office anyway. So I would call on their behalf, explain to them and all that. So that was how we started in my living room in Clayton. And after a year, um, other women from other African countries started saying they wanted to be part of it. So by December 2012, when we had our confidence extra, we had women from different African countries who were now part of the project. And by 2015, it wasn't just African women, we had Asian women, we had English women who wanted to be part of it. So we moved from just supporting Nigerian women to African women, then to game women, then to opening it for women and girls now, as it is in 2015, because people saw the need. We also realized that domestic abuse was everywhere, not just African communities, and there were people who were seeking help. We also realized that when women, even when they have their, they have recourse to public funds, go through abuse, you know, the council could provide maybe a shelter, you know, the food, uh, make sure your children are okay, then what? What happens to the women who have gone through that? Where does that support come from to say, you know what, you can get back on your feet? That is where a wonderfully made woman comes in. So when women have gone through all this, they get all the support that they get, they are here to say, you know what, what was it that you wanted to become in love? What stopped it? And how can you go back to being a better youth? Yes. So building the woman's confidence to a point when she can stand on her feet to say, you know what, I've always wanted to go back to school, or I wanted to start my business, or I wanted to work in a particular place. So we support that woman through that journey, yes, up to when she stands on her feet to now becoming a volunteer as well. Wow. So that's where we start from. Where the government stops is where we actually take it up. Because women can get accommodation, shelter, food, uh, money, benefits, but it doesn't take away the trauma. It doesn't take it away, it doesn't automatically build their confidence because they go from one house to another. Yes. So it's a process, and that process is what we are part of. We will hold your hand, we will go through this process with you until you are okay. Yes. And obviously, there's a track record of a lot of women who have been in that process who have started their own organization. I think as at 2025 now, we have about 16 organizations who were born out of wonderfully many women doing their whole thing, doing amazing things in England, in Scotland, in Nigeria. Uh, we have women who have gone back to school. We have women who never even knew they could speak English, not to talk of writing uh exam to drive, who are driving, who have become volunteers, who have become befrienders. You know, so what we do mainly is an awareness. We raise awareness on issues that affect women and girls, from Facebook Live Show to having a radio show on all FM 96.9, reaching over 21,000 every Friday. We are also training these women. We've been able to train 18 women so far. Up to today, we are training the young girls right now, the young adults. I think they are in their third week of the training. Um, we started working with young girls because um in 2016, the the big lottery realized that a lot of women who go through abuse, their daughters are mostly affected because it's the daughter who holds the mom when they're beating her. Yes, it's the daughter who goes to the shop, the daughter becomes automatically the wife in the house. Yes. Go and cook, go and tell your mom this. So there was a project in 2016 where we became um part of the project, uh, the Maya project was uh a project of 10 organizations and who were to lead for African women and their daughters. Yes. So that was how we started working with young girls, you know, because there's so much need for it. Uh young girls are uh, you know, they see a lot when abuse is going on. Yeah, that's not to say the boys don't, the boys do as well. And there are services for African boys, luckily, uh now in 20 uh uh 2025. So we we provide that holistic support, yes, whether it be well-being, uh, the dance therapy, which is popular, uh, dance the strength of a wonderfully made woman. Yes, and using dance to have fun, reduce isolation, reduce stress, to have you know, to do their normal exercise, and just using that dance to take away the pain that is there. You know, when you hear music, music is therapeutic. So we've been using dance because when I was going through my I realized a lot of services then were mostly art and crafts. Yes. I realized African women, we don't really do art and crafts. African women will want to talk, African women will want to go to party. If you see a woman who is sad, the next thing you say, first of all let me go, come and follow me to this party. Yes, that's who we are. So what I did was not to compete, rather look for gaps and say, okay, what is already happening in Manchester? Yes. And what is it that is not there? That's right. So wonderfully, Majoma is unique in its own way. Every project that we make is to fill a gap. So the dance therapy came in because African women, the Asian women, were not so much into art and crafts. They wanted something that they will be able to express themselves. Yes, something that will remind them of their home. So that was how the dance therapy came in in 2015.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:Then the African food bank, um, I remember one of those days, um, I think it was Citizens Advice Bureau, who had contacted me, obviously, because I have children, you know, they'll keep calling and they said, Oh, we're bringing food for you. I was so happy, like, oh my god, they're bringing food. Then they brought this vessel. I was really grateful, but I opened it. There was really nothing that was cultural there. Yes, you know, yes, there was big beans and all that. I'm like, okay, is this what they give to everybody? So when I started the organization, I didn't want to do the same thing. But there are thousands of food bank across Greater Manchester. I wanted to do something different. So initially, um, I would tell my friends, and every month they would buy plantain, rice, you know, things that we'll normally use for steel, yeah, and all that. And they will all donate. Some will bring it home, some will bring it to the office, yeah, and we will distribute. I think that was 2013. 2013, we actually started. But we didn't name it as African Food Bank. We were just giving African food. Yeah. Because when COVID came and I was part of the Agric and Longside um uh response team, it was over almost 50 organizations. Every day in the news, we would hear the number of parcels that were going out across Greater Manchester. You know, BBC was carrying it, and it was almost like, oh wow, everybody's eating. Yeah. But at the end of the day, we were calling our uh African women, and we realized that these people are not getting it. So one day, I think out of curiosity, I just asked in the meeting, these thousands of parcels that go out, how many African people are assessing it in Greater Manchester? Great question. Many of them could not respond. And I remember a counselor calling me later and said, you know, to be honest, we don't really have African people assessing. And I said, Did you find out why? So the next meeting, I asked them, Do you know why they don't assess it? Because they don't eat those food. Yes. You can't give me cabbage and say you've given me food, you can't give me banana and lettuce and say you're giving me food. That's not our food. So there is a crisis at hand, there is lockdown, children are can't move. How can we protect their mental well-being? You can't tell somebody who is hungry to build confidence. Yes, yes. So that's why, even when we are building confidence of women, we first of all find out what is their immediate need. That's right. Otherwise, you're going to be raising awareness and wasting your time. Yes. It's like you go to church, you know that when you get home, you can't eat and you're preaching. What do you think that woman is thinking of? It's what's in the kitchen. That's right. So I was right there, and I think with the help of my husband who has organization as well, we're like, no, Africans are not eating this thing. So he was so upset that he started using his own money initially to buy African food. We will go to Costco to buy rice, we'll go to uh African shops, we'll buy, and people were now distributing. I think that kind of we were on live on Facebook. So a lot of Africans were now getting worried that okay, uh, people are going through this. You know what's happening? People were donating 50 pounds, 100 pounds, 200, just like that. And that was how the thing started. And after some, I think I did the Facebook live after a counselor. We we had told the counselor this was happening, yeah. And they sent somebody to me, and she said, Oh, you know, what you're asking for is too much. Um, African food we had is expensive. Why can't your community just eat beans and rice? So for me, that was a slap. Yes. I'm like, okay, just eat beans and rice. Have you eaten beans and rice before? Do you just put beans and rice in the pots? Who can eat? She said no, because another African told her. I said, that's an insult. It is. So I went on Facebook that day. I was really, really upset. I said, no, our community, they are suffering. We cannot stay silent. And a lot of counselors reached out and were like, oh, we support this cause, we want to support this cause. And that was how it happened. We had a meeting and they said, What do you want? So it was like even an open check. I can remember my husband saying, We want a food bank that would be culturally appropriate. And I said, I want to set up African food bank help people, this lockdown. And they said, Oh, fine, you can uh assess this funding. I said, No, I want the fund. Accessible to all African-led organizations across Greater Manchester.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:I cannot do it alone. And I think the first funding we got then with FAN, it was actually our office. My husband and I we had to clear the entire computers and everything, and they brought in African food, and African charities were coming to pick up for the community. So we started that, and that was what by 2021 I actually got uh the prime minister's award uh from Boris Johnson. Boris Johnson, yes, you know, because it was a drastic change. Like, no, we're gonna find this, we're not gonna let our people stay. So with the African food bank I set up, what was there? Initially, most of the volunteers were Nigerians, and now not all the African, Africa, Africa is big. It is. We had to recruit other African volunteers. Yes. Nigerian, Ghanaian, Zimbabwe, Mali, Congo, Zambia, Zambia, there were many. And we trained them. After training them, they had to tell us what their own community is. So uh African food bank is not just go and eat beans and no, it is holistic. So, regardless of where you come from in Africa, you will find your food. Yes. So we went there, and I think uh Mark uh from um the voluntary sector in Manchester had to call to say, Do you need freezer? So they gave us money for freezer, for fridge. So we had everything from okra to eru to pepper to stock fish to dry fish. Come on now. Wow. They're all out, petri for the elderly people. Definitely what I eat is not what an elderly woman who is almost 80 will eat. Yes. So we had volunteers who were reaching out to people specifically. If you're an elderly woman, you give us a list of what you eat. We were not just giving people what was available, we were giving communities what they will eventually eat.
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Otherwise, what's the point of you know just creating data of we fed 20,000 people? That food might be in the bin. That's right. So we were very specific. So if you're from Mali, we knew what you wanted. We had French translators that would say, Oh, this person is not Nigerian, this is what you want. And the volunteers were constant. In COVID, we there it was almost like a 24 hour service. Wow. Working tirelessly. All I prayed for was God should keep my children because they were all there, you know, every day in the shop, catering for people. You will see people queuing up from the office up to the gates in Karaoke. Wow. Catering for people. We had volunteers who were traveling to different parts of greater Manchester, delivering food for people who could not come out.
SPEAKER_02:Man, do you know what I'm going to give you? Do you know what I'm going to give? I'm going to give you my own award. My own award is that. No, no, no, I'm going to give you my own award. It's the Aaron's award I'm going to give to you.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02:You know, when Moses' hand was heavy and he could no longer hold his hand up, and his hand was going down and they were losing, and Aaron just had to hold his hand. That's what you have been doing. I've got goose people from my head to my toe right now. Yeah. Because people would do understand the extent of what you've done.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. It wasn't just a food bank, it wasn't just calling people. Uh, we also created the Pigeon English translation service immediately. And the reason was that we were calling our women, and one of the trustees had called me to say, There is a problem. I said, What is it? She said they had called about two women, and they said, Oh, we are hungry, there's no food. And they were like, Oh, you don't have money. They said, No, we have, but the government said we should not go out. Oh, so there was already a language barrier that people didn't. So we had to explain to them the government did not say you cannot go to the shop. Yes. So, what we did was after the meeting, we decided, you know what? We can start to translate the government guideline. And that was how we recruited volunteers again. We knew women in Manchester who were good with teaching English, and we had to bring them in to say, you know what? Come and translate for every government guideline. We were translating for them. We're translating for NHS, we're translating for the government, we were translating for the organizations, we were making sure that African people understood exactly what is expected of them. Wow. So that was how our Pigeon English translation service became very solid. We were doing it before, but it was in COVID, we realized that there was a need. So we actually set up the first UK Pigeon English translation service in COVID. Wow. Translating for the NHS, translating for organization for GPs. Till now, we still translate. If we see cancer awareness, we have a pidgin English translation booklet for cancer screening from the NHS that is being distributed across Greater Manchester. So wonderfully made women, we sit down, we look at okay, the beautiful things that organizations are doing because everyone is doing wonderful things. Yes. Then we sit down and say, okay, what is it that is not available? What can we do differently? There's no point we're doing the same thing. So, for example, with the ESO class, we would naturally not do ESO class. Why? Because there's so many ESO classes out there. We would refer women to those services. Yes. Because we believe in working together. What we created was an English and mass uh service that we cater for women who have never been to school before. So what it meant is that we had volunteers that they knew that they trust that they can easily open up to provide that service for them. Same with basic IT, you know. A lot of women are ashamed to go to the library. Yes. So we say, okay, come to us. There are computers everywhere. Open it, and we teach you one-to-one support until you are able to at least send email. Before women didn't have email address, but a lot of them use email now. You know, as simple as having email address, there are a lot of women who went to abuse that never had opportunity to work, never had opportunity to do anything. So when they come out, they're just coming out like children that you have to teach, you know, that step-by-step guide. Yes. You know, so that's what we're doing. There are other projects that have become very popular, aside from the dance and the awareness, speaking English, is the befriended service for single mothers.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:So our service is for women and girls. We have projects for women and their family. Like this holiday, we have mother and children bonding session, which we do every summer, where the women come, sit on the floor, play with their children, do games with their children and all that. We also recognize the fact that even though we support all women, the single mothers, they're kind of far away. Yes. Because what they've gone through is different from what a married woman is going through. Absolutely. And we can never shy away from that. And after the research, we realized that there was no organization providing specific service for single mom. So it was in 2021 we decided to apply, and I remember then Big Luther was like, oh no, there should be. What would you want to do for single mom? And I said, okay, fine, do your research. And I think later they came back to me and said, you know what, you know, even in the UK, there's actually no service for single mothers. You know, and it was a passion I had. I remember in 2021 when I was privileged to meet Her Majesty the Queen. One of the things she asked me was, What is that one thing that you would like to do? Apart from the many things that you're doing. And I said to her, Your Majesty, I would like to have the first befriended service for single mom. She looked at me and she looked at the Lord Lieutenant and said, Oh, she's never heard of that before. And she said, Single mom. I said, Yes. She said, Go for it. And that was the beginning of the journey of trying to do research. What do we need to do? Who do we need to train? And unfortunately, the day we were to, you know, launch the single mother project was her funeral. Oh, 2022. So we had to postpone. But yes, um, when you're giving a blank check, you just quickly say what you want. Um, the encouragement from her was very useful. Um, over the years, people will be like, Why, why single mom? But she was the one that was actually like, wow, that's a wonderful project. Single mother. She has never even thought of that. So we set up the first UK Befriending service for single mom. Uh, we also have in Nigeria as well. And what we do is actually just to break that stereotype of what the society says or sees them out. You know, homebreakers, prostitutes, second hands, you know, not good enough, not proverbed at one. You know, we are trying to break that barrier to say, you know what? If a relationship fails, doesn't make that woman a failure. That's right. It's the relationship that has failed. For every single mom, there's a single man out there. Nobody is talking about the single man, nobody is stigmatizing the single girl. It's okay for a man with five children from four women to say they want to marry a single girl, and it's okay.
SPEAKER_02:It's a patriotic system, isn't it, ma'am exactly?
SPEAKER_01:So when it comes to a woman, why is it a big deal? Oh, single mother, useless woman, she's not in her husband's house. Why the stigma? Single mothers are doing double the job. That's right, and that was why we raised a campaign, we started a campaign, single mothers doing double the work campaign. And luckily, we had the backup of um two former Lord Mayors in Manchester, uh uh Councillor Donna and Councillor June, who were Lord Mayors, and these women are single moms. Oh wow, people didn't know. So when we started the campaign, that was when Donna said, you know, I used to be a single mom. And of course, June came. Oh, I'm a single mom, and they started a campaign with us, and we started that campaign, single mothers doing double the job. So for you to stigmatize a woman, you have to think twice. That's right. You're married, I'm married now. There are so many calendar things, even as a married uh couple, you know, paying bills and all that. Then imagine one person has to carry download alone. That's right. You know, everybody is working now. You go home, your husband will ask you how was work. Nobody is asking the woman, how was work? That's true. It takes care of the children, and maybe at 90 crimes. So I have been in that journey before. So I can boldly say I understand. Yes. Pain, you know, the stigma, the isolation, the way the society makes them feel. So for wonderfully, Meduma is building their confidence to say what? Raise your head high. You are playing the role of a father and a mother. That is not an easy job to do at all. And while they're saying single mothers are useless or tocumbos, can you just Google how many single mothers are doing well? How many single mothers have successfully raised their children? You know, that stigma was always there. Oh, single uh children of single mothers always end up in the street. And that was my biggest fear. Oh, they said my son is going to end up on the street. But at the end of the day, he made the first class. Why? It means that it is not necessarily children of single mothers that are on the streets. If you go and research those children, do a research, because we do all the time, you will see that those children on the street were already destroyed when daddy and mommy were in the same roof, living in a toxic environment. Yes. So by the time the relationship breaks down, those children are already destroyed, already bitter, and they end up on the streets. Yes. So it's not just because you're a child of a single mom that makes you end up on the street. No, a lot of single mothers are doing so well with their children. So we are trying to break that stereotype with our befriended service. So we have home visits every week, we have one-to-one telephone support. Of course, our food bank, uh, not just food. Um, we have toy bank. We give our toys every Christmas. We're one of the big um partners with a Cash for Kids. Yes. We support um families across Greater Manchester, whether you're a man or a woman, you know, children pick up the toys. But we do have a toy bank in our boating hub where parents who cannot afford to buy maybe birthday gifts come to the session to say, you know, my child's birthday social day, we don't have gifts, and they come to pick up a toy. Oh wow. Gifts, yeah, for their children. Now we've been doing it since 2014. You know, so there is a toy bank. We have baby bank, we have women who have children that the men maybe have abandoned, or even they have a husband who have no job, especially with the COS um issues. Yes. So they're struggling. So we have Baby Bank where we actually provide baby milk, cerillac, pampers, clothes. Then we also partner with Baby Basic in Bolton. So for those who live in Bolton and Bury, we may not necessarily have to buy. We just refer them to Baby Basic and they'll give them clothes and everything worth maybe two, three hundred pounds that can help the child up to three months or six months.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:For those that are not in Berry or Bolton, we try as much as possible to provide what they need. So there are women who come to session and um can just say, you know what, I don't have pampas, or I don't have transport to go back, or I don't even know what we are going to eat. So when we come for sessions, we don't know when we'll close. Wow. We don't know what we will see. So it's a safe space. We we can say we're gonna talk about maybe domestic abuse or confidence building on a particular day, and we end up not talking about it, and it's still okay. Yes, as long as the women are okay. So weeks ago, we've had people coming, and there was a particular person who kept saying, I want to go. And I kept saying, Oh, come, I see you next week. Then I noticed she was still there. I'm like, okay, she's waiting for a friend, is she waiting for Uba? Then later she came and said, I cannot really go. I said, Why can't you go? You've been saying you want to go. She said, As I'm talking to you, I don't even have transport to go. Oh, my baby does not even have pampas to wear. I'm going home now. My children have not eaten draw soup, according to her, for three weeks, and that is in food they love to eat. At that stage, we had to stop everything because for me, Wonderfully Madewoman is not just a charity, it's a ministry. Yes. When people are coming into your sanctuary, they should be going back better. So I'm not the type that will say it is well when it is not well. Oh, God, we bless you. I had to tell the women, can we stop what we're doing? This is a woman, no pampas, no food. How much is it to buy okra and meat and fish? So while she was talking, there was another staff who was immediately listing everything that she needed to buy. So people brought her cash immediately. And I said to her, Don't use that cash. Before you know, somebody had volunteered to take her to the shop, buy the pampas, from there, went to African shop, bought the things, and she kept saying, No, oh you know, give me cash. And they said, No, you hold that because you might need it. You've got children. By the time she came to our session last week, I cried.
SPEAKER_02:To your friends, your neighbor, your colleagues, your family, your friends, everybody that you know. I'm really working hard to ensure that I bring useful and valuable information that will help you in your mental and emotional well-being so that you begin to thrive authentically. You know, a lot of us will feel we have to wait until something happens before we become reactive. But with this podcast, I'm trying to give you information that will make you proactive so you don't even have anything to react to in the end because you are looking after yourself properly. So, what are you waiting for? If you have been listening, please like, share, comment on anything that resonates with you. This will help to drive our visibility. And also, if there's any other topic that we have discussed that has been a trigger or that you feel you need support with, please visit www.aseultancy.com. There is a 15-minute free consultation link that you can click on right there and book to speak to one of our consultants. Thank you so much for helping to drive visibility to this platform. And also, if you have been listening on Apple, Spotify, Audible, and every other um podcast um platform there, please follow us and keep sharing. Thank you, thank you so much. Back to the program now.
SPEAKER_01:How food can change a woman from being that depressed woman, looking chattered, ugly to a transformed person just because there is food in the house. When she came, you could see the glow, you could see the way she packed her hair, the way she wore her short. I was we were like, wow, so you're this beautiful, you're this lively. So when we are talking about confidence building, it has to be a woman who is not hungry. It has to be a woman who is not thinking of what the children will eat, otherwise, everything you're saying, it she will not take it. So she came back next last week, and she actually won the dance competition. She said, This week I'm ready. So last week she wasn't ready because why? There were issues. Wow. We meet women at the point of their need. Wow. I don't just say, Oh, come for counselling. We want to find out before that counselling, before that mental health support, what exactly is the problem? Yes. Is it immigration? Is it food? Is it housing? Yes, we cannot provide all the services, but like I said before, there are organizations in Greater Manchester doing wonderful things that you can refer them to. There's so many times, like you say, Rose, and maybe somebody's coming from old them. I'm like, no, you can't be coming all the way. You can actually go to Rose because she's closer to you, and she will also support you very well. So we do all that rotation. And we also, I'm also uh wonderfully Meduma is also part of the Mama Health and Poverty Partnership. It's a project that is led by 10 African women in Greater Manchester, providing that cultural appropriate support for African, specifically for African women and girls across Greater Manchester. We started 2017-2018. Today we are the biggest partnership providing that tailored support for African women and girls. That's the power of a strong collaboration. Exactly. So when a woman comes and she's saying her problem, the ones I cannot do are in my brain, I'm already thinking, oh, maybe blossom layoff can do this, or um uh Karen and Sherry can do that. You know, that's how we rotate. And before you know, the woman is sorted.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, you know, Maya, there are so many nuggets. In short, I can listen to you all day. You said when people are leaving your sanctuary, they should live better. A woman who is hungry cannot be confident. No, not at all. You said you caught this vision in 1992, 1992, right? When I did my calculation, that was 33 years ago, right? Now, your charity is I wouldn't call it charity, your ministry is 33 is um 2013 years old. That means you caught this 20 years prior to it, yeah, but you did not do anything. Isn't it isn't it amazing how you were able to turn your pain?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, 20 years, it's just I don't think the best thing because to be honest, my normal legino is not the talking type.
SPEAKER_02:Do you not understand? I don't believe in coincidence. I do not believe in coincidence, definitely, because you told me now that you are a quiet person, right?
SPEAKER_01:I'm literally a quiet person. Okay, so do you see the way your pain, your pain, respect your purpose? Exactly. So God needed to push me, needed to change me because there's no way I could have when I did my 15th birthday, and my dad did the surprise video for me. One of the things he kept saying was, he knows the quiet one in the house has become the one talking. I was so quiet to a point that my sisters can't hear me when I talk. I will have to repeat. I was that quiet. So even when I saw that vision in 1992, I remember it was just we're having our CST, and I said, Oh, mommy, this is what I had. She was like, you were talking to women, you were this, and she started laughing. My sister, and I started laughing. She said, Why are you laughing? I was laughing because in reality, which voice, which voice are you going to use? And that was the main reason I said, Oh, I'm going to read vlog because I felt, oh, that vision, maybe I'll be helping women in court.
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:So when I eventually came to the UK, and I didn't plan to actually, you know, do my transfer exam or to be a solicitor. I just knew that there was something about maybe canceling or mediation. So I didn't bother. So the vision, it was when I was going to start, and I remember telling my mom, look at what's happening to women in Manchester, you know, and I keep having this dream. And she was like, you know, can you not remember that this dream you have now? You've had that dream in 1992. So I had to put it together. I was like, okay, so even if I want to start, which voice am I going to use? Who is going to listen? You know, all those questions kept coming on and coming on and coming on until I said, you know what, God, I just want to be foolishly obedient to you. Whether my obedient to you. Yes. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because initially, when I got the vision and I realized that okay, I needed to set something up. You know, sometimes as a Christian, you feel God needs to fix a particular thing. Yes. For you to do another thing. So in my mind, I used to say, God, you know, this vision now you've given me, I'm gonna do it. No problem. But you have to do something. You will need to bring my husband back. I will need to go and testify, you will need to take the spending away. So I was giving God that condition. Month after months and after months, it was 2011 that God, you know, it was a vision that if you don't do this, I can raise a stone. So at that point, I had to rededicate my life. Wow. Christ. That's July. And I said to God, whether you bring my husband back, whether you take the strange woman away, whether I'm divorced or not divorced, I'm going to be foolishly obedient to you. How I'm going to use the voice, how I'm going to even do this thing, I don't know. But I'm just going to start anyway. So now the vision is bigger. Ah, what's how I see is humongous? I think days ago I was just talking to my daughter. No, it was um, I went to London to see my son with my daughter, and we're just talking. And my son was like, Mo, many times I say you inspire me, I actually mean it. Like, how did this thing that happened to you now change your life to a point that you're an MBE? Oh, we're talking about marriage. And I said to him, Oh, you know that as an MBE, you can actually use this particular church in London. And it was like, Oh, really? Maybe I'll have to take advantage, you know. So we started from there, and it was a baby. How does God use you know things that look negative to just promote someone? Because that's what happened to me, you know, how a woman would meet the queen, meet the king, you know, and the prime minister, um, get a letter from the prime minister, yes, appointed as an MB all because of what marriage breakdown amid loads of counselors and lawyers. Yes. So for me, then becoming this community research. Uh, we just finished the Andy Bonham uh G Mayor of Greater Manchester uh Live Well uh research, which I was part of as well, and so many projects I'm doing then the Churchill Fellowship one, and what's going on now uh for me, um actually doing the research on childhood trauma, the effect of domestic abuse on African children.
SPEAKER_02:That was why I said I absolutely love Dawama because I don't know if you know Fortellis, I think I'll have to off the camera, I'll have to speak to you because um the advanced childhood experience is something that is massive. Yeah, because especially in the African sector, I don't think it's been explored quite a lot, and especially with these um Jakmarian Sidians and Jakmai people, I always tell people that we don't know the impact of that until years to come. Because that is going to be added to the ACEs. People do not understand. I am so glad that someone like you is being included in that fellowship because sometimes when we look at this, we look at it through the western eyes. But it's high time that we begin to look at it in a holistic way so that we'll be able to bring in the kosher nuances into the discussion and then it becomes more robust and we'll begin to benefit from it. It is so so important because I work with people that has been through um domestic violence as well, as part of my my counseling stuff, and you made a very valid point a lot, but the one that stood out for me in that particular one was who look after the woman and the children. A lot of people look at it, there's this stigmatization that is going on, but nothing hardly touches the man. I know the men go through their own. We are not trivializing what they go through, but I'm trying to say there is too much burden on the woman as if she is to blame, and then the children they go in a very subliminal way that they are going through loads of stuff because I'm working in schools, so I see these children a child that is normally very, very quiet, very good. They go either way, either they become very, very noisy to get because that attachment problem is there so. Get all this negative attention, or they go really quiet and moody and have a ad boss or unknowingly, and before you know it, they send them um, they go into loads of um um suspension and before you know it, they are sent to people referral units. You and I know that that people referral unit is a pipeline to the prison. Yeah, our people are going through this, and a lot of people do not know this. So I'm so glad that you are drawing so much awareness with your collaborative partners as well to a lot of this sense because I think it's a high time we begin to bridge this gap. And I love the way you identify this gap. You are not reinventing the wheel, you are looking at the gap and you are intelligently creating all this gap, you are covering it for people. And I do hope that a lot of people that are listening to this, you don't know the battle that this lady is fighting for us. No, in the rooms where we decisions are made, where we are not present, is as good as we know existing. Yeah, when you have people like us speaking up for us, telling her, because I used to have this uh gorgeous Afro Food where we have African shop, and I remember during COVID, in my own little way, I was sending food parcels, and I remember I got a call from the councils before I closed the shop four years ago. No, three um, yeah, four years ago, and I got a call from the council saying that oh, they heard that I was sharing African food, that can they have a parcel for some families and all of that stuff. We got the address and went to deliver. I just did it after the shops were open. I just stopped it. I didn't realize how I didn't realize how deep the cut was, but I just noticed that a lot of people I was thinking, would they eat just big bits? So I I I I I sent these parcels out and everything, and got these phone calls dropped and all the stuff. I didn't take it as deep as you did.
SPEAKER_01:It's deep, even till now with the cost of living. We've since summer we've been distributing African food. Last week I was like, okay, um, this week is the last session for the summer bonding session. So we'll be doing back to school, uh support with cereal. And the women said, No, we don't want cereal because they already did those things. Yeah, and I said, Okay, we've already shared noodles, we've shared and they are saying they said, please, we just want noodles, is enough for us. It is so deep where you see women crying. I've seen a mother of six before call me when I was in London to say I don't have food. And I said, What do you have now? She said, One spaghetti. Okay, what will you use to cook it? Nothing. Six children, no recourse to benefit. Thanksfully, uh, with the team that work with me, the trustees, staff, and volunteers, they're very passionate. Why? Because many of them have lived experience, and because they have lived experience of what you know we are addressing, they're very quick to respond to what we are doing. So at the end of the day, um, at the end of the day, they don't um say no. So when she made that um request, I was in London at 6 to 7. I had to call one of them, and they went to Mostin's shop to buy those things for the woman to eat. So imagine we're not there. What do you think will happen? Suicide ideation can start coming. Yeah, because it does. It does. So um, it's about really looking at the needs in the community and filling that gap, otherwise, our community will continue to suffer. In silence. Yeah, that was why when the community fridge was coming out during COVID, I didn't take it. I said, because it's a means to silence us, silence our community uh community from the cultural food. Because if you're saying the people are not accepting, then you're taking community fridge and what is there, the same food you said they were not accepting. What's going to happen to our community? So we have to start looking out for our people. Also, before I forget, I remember years ago, uh, University of Manchester, they will always say we are hard to reach. Uh, researchers will always say Africans are hard to reach. I have to tell them we are not hard to reach. You don't just know how to assess us. That's right. You know, an African woman who has never really gone to school, you want to send an email for her to be part of your research. How does that work? Nothing will work. So I at the moment I'm part of the um Brag at the University of Manchester, which is the Black Asian uh research advisory group. So when researchers are coming to the community, they have to come through us. Fantastic. Whatever it is they're doing, how they're gonna reach out to our community. So I represent Africans, how they will reach out, whether with language, uh, the space they're gonna reach out to them, the method at which they will reach out to them, all those things have to be in place before we allow them to go to our community. So there's so many things that we're doing um behind closed doors, making sure that our people do not suffer. Yeah, because there's so many inequalities you know in the UK that we're trying to address, health inequalities and all of that. So, yes, really, um is a holistic uh space um where I tell women you can just come as you are, yes, nobody's gonna judge you, regardless, even if the mistake was yours. You know, we all we all make mistakes, and just because everybody sin. That's right, and just because you commit your sin is different doesn't make you less a sinner. That's right. In the sight of God, we are all sinners. So whether you just stole a loaf of bread or you committed adultery, sin is sin. That's right. That's the way we look at people to say, you know what, don't come as you are, and we'll be there to hold you, you know, to support you, to make sure that you are not where you used to be.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, thank you so so much, Ma. I just feel like I could just sit down there just listening here all day. But I do understand, I need to honor your time. I just have two questions. I know you've written a book in a strange land. Can you just give us a brief overview of this book? Because that book, I'm gonna lay my hands on it. I'm coming to come out to come and get one because I'll put the link in this podcast for people to go and grab it as well.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so In a Strange Land is a book I've always wanted to write for years to share my experience. Um, I was one person that never thought of relocating. Where people talk about traveling, I was never in that, no, not for me. From childhood to when I became an adult, it wasn't a topic for me really, because I didn't see traveling and relocation as a thing. I just wanted to make money in Lagos, make money in Nigeria and enjoy yourself. So when people are talking about traveling, it wasn't something that they will call me into until the unexpected happened, and I had to make a drastic, you know, um, decision as to whether to stay and be scared or move and protect my family. So that was how I relocated after an arm robbery incident. I just took that decision to say, you know what? To help with everything, to help with money. Already I was already doing a little business and all of that, but I moved. And you will think coming to the UK is a bed of roses from the houses that first gives you that culture shock to, oh, is that the small house that you're gonna live in? You know, just one toilet. Are you kidding me? Depression comes in, you know, because when you hear abroad, what we watch in the movie is totally so different from when you actually arrive. So I remember the first house we got, and we're like, oh Demi, we've got my son, we've got the house now. He was happy, and when we got there, and we said, Okay, look at the house. So, where is my room? I said, This is your room. He said, No, I mean my room. I said, This is your room. So, so small. So it's just uh my personal journey, yeah, where I shared my life experiences from part of how I lived in Nigeria to what brought me to the UK and the challenges that I had to go through. You know, like you said in the beginning, when people see me, they admire, they just wish, oh, I wish to be like a Hino, but they don't know the pain that I had to go through, the the torture, yes, you know, the trauma I had to go through, even with immigration, yeah, you know, imagine somebody who was to get indefinite in 2009 or 2010, and you're getting your indefinite in 2017, 2018? Wow, that's how many years, and I never became, you know, when people say that they've always thought I was a British citizen because of your audacity to do things, because of the audacity, like somebody had said, Deputy Laterna had told me, you know, the audacity is something that needs to be studied. Absolutely, but she said, we never imagined that you were not a British citizen. Wow, they never, honestly, they didn't even question it until when this MBE thing came, and they realized, oh, so MBE should have come in 2022, 2023. It didn't, because that was when they realized that this woman with this audacity is not even a British citizen, you know. So I I could have gotten maybe become a British citizen in 2011, maybe 2010, I can't remember if I calculate, but I never became a British citizen until 2023. Wow, that's one of the things we don't know, which is in the book, but it's also a shade because I wanted people to actually know that you can be in a strange land, but not without a British citizenship, and you can still do wonders. That's right. Your name can still be heard in high places. Being a British citizen is good. Yes, you get MBE, and maybe you don't have to uh apply for visa to travel. I think that basically that's the difference. That's right. From that, you can be a student, you can have a student visa, you can have a work visa, you can have any kind of visa and still be able to break barriers. That's right. And that was the point I wanted to prove to say, you know what, this thing I've been deprived of. I'm going to break this barrier to let people know that I may not be a British citizen, but more than what a British citizen can do. That's right. So every achievement I've had, aside from the MBE, I got it without being a citizen. So all that is in the book, just to encourage people. That's right. I've seen women come to me. I remember one of our trustees years ago, one day she broke down and she was like, I'm not happy at all. I said, You've been saying this since last week. How are you not happy? And she was like, Oh, she needs, I think it was money to do her British, whatever. And I said, Is that why you're not happy? And she said, Yeah, you know, you will not understand. I said, No, I cannot understand because I don't even have indefinite leave to repent. Wow. She was like, What did you just say? I said, I don't have indefinite, I'm not settled in the UK. Wow. He said, You're not settled, and you have a charity, and you're this, you're that. I said, Yes, I'm still renewing visa like other people. That was when she stopped crying, and a lot of women have come to me like that, and I will tell them this thing you're crying for. I'm just like you. So the book is to empower people, yeah. And I've seen a lot of people being empowered to say, you know, you know what I could never have imagined.
SPEAKER_02:Do you know one thing I'm saying, sorry to interrupt you, but I just need to ask this question. So I want to put context to this. What is that thing that is behind your growth mindset? Because that's what I see. What is behind it? What made it so there must be something that has solidified that your growth mindset? What is it?
SPEAKER_01:I think my growing up, uh, my growing up, uh I was regarded as a very dull child, never passed exam. Amongst my sisters, they're very brilliant. But I couldn't really do much, and I could see the fear in my parents, especially my dad. So I just had this mindset that you know what, you know, they say you cannot do this, you cannot become this. I'm going to prove them wrong. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. So even when I was still failing or not passing the exam, or nobody is a failure, I had that mindset. I have always been a very positive person. You know, my mom used to always tell me, you know, if you're going to that place and going straight is not possible. You can go round. It might take longer, but as long as you get to that place, yes, that's what matters. So even when I was failing jam, for those who lived in Nigeria, that voice kept coming to me. So when I was coming to the UK, my dad said something. He said, you know, he said it casually. The milk and honey of that land. So how do you eat the milk and honey of the land if you don't belong? If you don't integrate, if you don't socialize. So I had told myself, coming to the UK, I said, when I'm 10 years in the UK, I have to be doing something for myself. I've never been somebody who likes to work in an office. You know, that's nine to five. I'm not that kind of person. I'll rather be selling, you know, to make money. I've always been that kind of person. So even when the challenges came, the pain, the trauma, the you know, the depression, it was ringing in my head. And you know, when it's going to be 10 years, what would you say you have done? So I came in in 2005. Before 10 years, I'd set up an organization in my pain. I have never believed in no. One of my friends, uh Windows Empowerment, she said for her, no is new opportunities. That's right. So when you say no to me, when you are saying it cannot happen, I want to dig deep. I'm a very determined person. So even when I started the charity and they were like, oh, Nigerians don't make it, and no, I'm so personally who did it. You know what I do? I don't quarrel, I move away from that group. Then we start to look for people hoping. So at the moment, I would say I have more Asian friends or even Muslim friends than Christians. Why? I don't I don't sit in a place where there is negativity. I don't. Because if Obama can be president of the United States of America, I'm not even fighting to become prime minister. It means that every other thing is achievable. Yes. So I think for me is God because with God you can do all things. Having God as your backbone and being determined is what has made me to become who I am. And I think another thing is I believe that your children look at you and they emulate what you are. I never wanted my children to be like ordinary kind of children who just follows the crowd. So I wanted to be a role model for them, which I am. So I don't see my children doing the normal. So until people see my children, they're like, oh, is that your mom? No wonder. Why? Because, yeah. So you being in a strange land, being in the UK, what does that mean? Discrimination, racism. Is there no racism in Nigeria? There is no discrimination in Nigeria. Yes, or more Ibo, or more Europe, all those things. Are we not already going through it? So that's right. For me, racism is no big deal for me. It doesn't stop me from going anywhere. You know, uh, I will say God, really, in all of it. God and be you, if you have God, you will be determined. That's right. Yeah, I have God. I know that wonderfully made woman is not a man-made organization. No, it is God that has given it to me. It is a ministry. That's why we have the Christian uh arm of it, beauty in brokenness program, you know. So when God hands over something to you, you don't fear. Why? Because it's his project. So sometimes, even when we don't have funding, I'm not too worried. I'm like, God, okay, it's end of the year. By January, you know, the project has to go on. So you have to sort it out. Yeah. So because God is my source, I know that everything is possible. That's right. Regardless of the challenges that you go through. Yes, there are frustrations, there are times you want to give up. Even Jesus that came to that at one point almost gave up. So uh, in all of that, you just remember. Um, anytime I want to give up, I remember where I started. And once I remember the reason I started, it kind of just gives me that energy to say, okay, you can't stop now. How many women would will die because of you? How many women will be depressed because of you? You know, so that's that helps me a lot.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, thank you.
SPEAKER_01:And I'll say the team that I work with are wonderful. The team that I work with, I can go to bed, close my eyes, and things will still be going on.
SPEAKER_02:So, what I see there, you do not just my role said, if you if anything happen and your organization goes down, I'm just paraphrasing, it means you've not built good leaders at all. So, what you've done there, you've built good systems.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, I I would say, I will humbly say I'm a good leader. Yes, I am not the type to, if really I'm not around, and the organization has to close, or the office has to close because I'm not around. It means I've not done anything, it means I've not I've not affected the women I'm supporting. You know, I can actually, I think for almost two years, I never went to the radio show until last month. And it was going on. Last week I had to go to London and people step in. You know, for everything that I do, people always step in because they don't just come build confidence and go. I build leaders.
SPEAKER_02:And you give them a platform to try it out.
SPEAKER_01:And I give them that platform to say, you can go, you can do it. Even the ones that say, I don't want to talk already, they're all speaking now. So for you to be a good leader, you should be able to produce leaders. And that's what Wonderfully Made Woman is. We have produced leaders. If you look at one of the thriving organizations in Scotland, yeah, that always uses economic forum for family empowerment. Yeah, she was a volunteer, asylum seeker, that's wonderfully made woman. Wow. Got her visa, relocated, set up. You look at her organization, they had to tell her we want to know who your mentor is. We build leaders. So um, not just leaving abuse, we try to make sure that you become a leader yourself.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you so much. Thank you so much for your time, for sharing from your wealth of wisdom. Before I came on this, I was praying. I said, God, how do you want me to ask her question? There are so many things, so many questions I want to ask her, but in a way, you touched on all the areas that I wanted to touch on. I just want to pray this on you. Joshua 21, 43 to 45. It says, So the Lord gave Eino all the land he has sworn to give our ancestors, and she took possession of it and settled there. The Lord gave Eino rest on every side, just as he has sworn to our ancestors, not one of our enemies was able to withstand her. The Lord gave Ano all of our enemies into her hands. Not one of the Lord's good promises to her in fulfilled, every single one was fulfilled. May this word speak in your life and your generation, generation to come in Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_01:Amen.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you so so much.
unknown:Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:So I hope I'll get to watch the podcast.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, the podcast. I will send it to you. Yeah, I will send it. I will send you the link. And for those people that are interested in joining these wonderfully made women, if you are in the Northwest, definitely. I'm going to add all the contact on the link in the podcast. Thank you so so much. Thank you for following your vision that was given to you 33 years ago. Thank you for turning your purpose, your passion, your pain into purpose. Thank you for being a great force to reckon with. Thank you for shining the light, speaking for the African people. Thank you for saving women that could have gone down beyond years ago. Thank you for continuing to save. Thank you for building leaders. Thank you for telling us that it doesn't matter. Your status doesn't matter. If God has planted your fit there, you will take possession of it and it will open doors for you. Thank you for turning every no into new opportunities. Thank you. Thank you so so much. Thank you. I just pray good health for you, man. Thank you so much. God bless you. Thank you so much. Thank you. I have just one more question, though. You know that you do. I know you're very busy. I always ask people, I'm very good on big on self-care. How do you how do you rest? How do you rest?
SPEAKER_01:People always ask that. A friend has asked me that on Friday. You know, resting, I said, Do you know you work more than me? She was like, Hey, I said we analyzed it, and she realized that she is working more than me. Wow. So in everything that I do, I have boundaries.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_01:I have boundaries. Um, I love what I'm doing, I love my job, I love the women, I also create boundaries. So when it's family time for me, I will hardly pick anybody's call. Right. Except it's my children and my spouse. So I have time for work, I have time to rest. And even with family time, I also have my me time. When it's me time, I don't think of my children, I don't think of my spouse, I think of me.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:So if I say tomorrow, I don't want to get up from bed till four o'clock, and that's it for me. Everybody knows. So you cannot pour from an empty cup. Absolutely. We did that years ago. And for me, I always love to equip myself. So I've been trained. When I started, you know, this is gonna be overwhelming. You want to save the whole world, you cannot save the whole world. And I realized that okay, you can save the whole world actually. So I know when to stop. If I close from work and I'm leaving this office to the car, trust me, I don't think of anything work. What I'll be thinking is, okay, what is that to what do I need to buy? What will I be telling my daughter today? What that's what is in my head. And people who actually, because I'm a very private person, the few people who have come close to me, they're shocked. Like, okay, you have like a normal life. You jump on your daughter's bed, you do the normal thing, you do pop on, you do crazy things. So I have boundaries. As a legal person, you know, you've been trained to you know know when to stop. Yeah. So for me, yes, I'm busy. Um I can be very busy, but there are times that's you know, I just shut off and say, like summer now, there are so many things I will naturally do when it's not summer holiday that I'm not doing. Yeah, I showed my my sister and my my daughter my calendar for this month. They were like, mommy, this is the first time your calendar is so empty. Yes, because I don't want to work that much because September is going to be busy. So self-care is very important, and like the partnership I told you about mama health, we take self-care very, very extremely important. So when it's time to work, we walk. When it's time to rest, I rest. When it's time for family, I don't want to know what's happening to somebody else. When it's time for me to rest, I honestly don't think my children will even want to disturb me or my spouse. There are times I stay up three, four, five days. I don't even go into the kitchen. They bring the food to me, I eat, I go back to bed, go to the sitting room. I can actually stay for a week and not enter the kitchen. Wow. If I'm doing safe care, yeah. So that's why I said a lot of people are even busier than myself. I can really lazy about for a week in my home, in my bedroom, take my bath, sit in the room, watch movie, do this thing, and I will say today, tomorrow I'm not going to the kitchen and I will not go. Wow. Because you need to be whole, you need to be strong, you need to be healthy, to be sane, to be mentally okay, to be able to support women. Because the job we do is more than what I'm sorry to say, a lot of pastors do, you know, because you are there. God will do it. We can't say God will bless you. You have to provide solutions. So, yes, I I do take care of myself. I rest a lot. Like last week, after Wednesday, I just told the volunteers, I'm traveling tomorrow. And I went to London, you know, stayed with my son. From there, he took me to the hotel, took me for the I just shut up everything that has to do with work.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:Said I'm not checking my emails, I'm not checking laptop, whatever it is, I will deal with it when I come on Monday. And that was it for me. So, yes, I do rest. I rest a lot.
SPEAKER_02:I am so glad. I am so glad because I know that givers sometimes they don't look after themselves very well. Yeah, I'm so glad you take a very holistic approach, not only to work but also to your own personal life.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, yes, oh yes, thank you.
SPEAKER_02:Right. For those that have been listening, you have been listening to Abia Sonia having an interview with Aino Otaibe A Medu M B E. If you want to know this lady, I'm gonna drop her content, I'm gonna drop everything. If you want to get involved in it, if you want to support the vision in one way or the other, you have been listening to Authentic Traveling Podcast. We have kept it very, very authentic, like we always do. Until I come your way again, take care and keep driving. Thank you so so much.