Authentic Thriving Podcast

Uprooted to Thriving: Staying Mentally Strong After Relocating

• Abies Sonia

Share episode

Moving abroad can look like a win on every scoreboard better schools, safer streets, wider options while a quieter story unfolds inside our homes. We open up about the emotional reality children face after relocation: the loss of familiar language and humour, the sudden visibility of hair and skin, the awkwardness of accents, and the slow erosion of belonging. Through three vivid family portraits, we show why some kids flourish and others shrink, and how small daily choices from parents can turn a new country into a true home.

Drawing from lived experience and professional practice, we map the early warning signs that deserve attention: changes in personality, reluctance to attend school, irritability, isolation, and the phone becoming a coping crutch. Then we shift into practical tools. Build support systems with families who share your values. Keep culture alive in the kitchen, in stories, and in rituals that travel. Create weekly emotional check-ins that go beyond grades to ask who sat with you at lunch, what felt hard today, and how we can help tomorrow feel better. When money is tight, pool skills with other parents for low-cost activities crafts, baking, park football, painting that let children express more than academics ever can.

We also reframe what success looks like after a big move. It’s not a visa category or a spotless report card; it’s emotional regulation, a grounded identity, and a child who feels safe to speak. Parents matter here, your rest, your presence, and your ability to model calm responses set the tone. Think like a gardener, not a taskmaster: transplanted trees need water, sun, and time before they fruit. 

If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to help more families find their footing abroad. What’s one ritual you’ll start this week to help your child feel seen?

Send us a text

Support the show

Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/abiessonia

Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/p/Cm8aAtpN2BN/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Authentic Travel Podcast. This is a sacred space to share soulful truth that nourishes the body, which we make the mind and awakens the spirit as a triptide human being. I am your host, Abia Sunia Ebenezer Barabayan. I am a life coach, a counselor, and a speaker who is passionate about personal transformation. I'm also an author of the book Inner Ammonia Resilience Beyond Chronic Stress and Burnout. It is available on Amazon and on my website www.aseconsultancy.com. On this podcast, we hold space for real stories through interview and we have an honest reflection about the journey of our speakers or our guests. We share soulful conversation with them in order for us to be able to extract their lessons and how they were able to survive very difficult experiences so that we do not have to reinvent the will, but to learn from them and to grow and rise together. I also share experiences from my own life and also from what is happening in the community so that we can learn and also from a professional perspective. Because driving isn't about just surviving the past, it's about living with courage, gratitude, and harmony for holistic well-being. Thank you for joining me. Welcome back to the Authentic Triving Podcast. So on this episode, I am going to be talking about the Jakbars and the Jakbarians, according to people. Now, if you're new to this forecast, Jakbar is a terminology that a lot of people use. People that have relocated to a different country, different from their birth country. So when family relocate to a new country, people often talk about the changes of address, the upgrading lifestyle, you know, um the settlement opportunity and things like that. But one thing that I've noticed rarely do people talk about the change of identity, the change of emotional landscape, the change of the sense of belonging, and all the other changes that come good and some challenging. So today let's dive into it. I relocated into the United Kingdom in my early 20s. And I remember myself and my sister, we did our best to navigate being a student and everything. It was not easy. It wasn't easy. Now, what am I talking about? It was not easy emotionally. Leaving a place that you've called home with people, your support system behind. Leaving the food that the food you are, the tastes, everything that you are used to, and then now trying to replicate it in a new land, look sorting for all the ingredients and all of that things. It was not easy at all. Now we're talking about the acclimatization as well, whereby you other days are falling between that, right? It was very, very challenging. But then let's not forget the weather. The weather, I came from a very sunny country. Um, the only changes that we'll see is maybe a bit of cold and a lot of rain when it's the rainy season. So that was that itself was challenging. And now, in terms of the educational side as well, the way of learning, we needed to do loads of referencing. Um, we did the talk about pajarism and all of that stuff. That if you do not reference your work, it was really, really hard. But the good thing is that there was no lecturer that was chasing you to then buy their and out, else you're not going to pass. Now, I'm not talking about the mature students that are relocated. I am going to be focusing on parents that have relocated with their children. Many parents they relocate for good intention. Good intention. One being the desire to give your children the best education, the best opportunity for them to thrive with their skills and more resources available. Some of them also come in order for them to have a safer environment and for their children's talent not to be caged in a broken system. However, there are some emotional impact that also come up. So beneath that, good desire for greener pastures, but more parents do not do not think about the emotional things that happen. Have you ever thought about immigration like that? You dislocate everything about you, your identity, what you are used to, your root, your core. Your children do not just leave their country, they leave their people, they leave their friends, their classmates, their church friends, they leave their validation, they leave their mirror of identity, they live it's almost as if their core, because their spoken language in in Nigeria, you don't sit a child down and start teaching them your dialect. They are amongst people and they just pick it up. Well, that's the way I learned to speak my language anyway. So they live a place where they do not see anything wrong with their hair, everybody's hair is Afro. Of course, we style it in different ways. They live a place where their skin color is you see people that look exactly like them, and they blend in, and they come to a place where they stand out most of the time, they do not easily blend in, either because of their accent, because of their hair, because of their skin color, because of their just them, right? And so they live a world where they are seen to a world where they are now noticing that there's a lot of things that is different from them. So you can see when I talk about it, can be a roller coaster of emotional journey for the children, even though we know that the intention of the parents is pure. So it is very, very important that we start thinking about this path because I feel like it's it is not discussed enough. It is not discussed enough, so they have to adapt quickly, they have to learn how to build friendship, they have to learn how to become a subject of discussion and be okay with it. They have to learn how to navigate when people are poking their afro air and making different comments. Oh, it feels spongy, oh why what do you do this? And and all of that things. We are spared yet, we are spared them regardless to thrive academically, to thrive and just get on with it. So some of them do not just blossom and start thriving, some of them begin to shrink because of the what I mentioned previously, some of them lose their voice, some of them lose their sense of belonging, some of them lose their emotional anchor that they once held and help to keep them together. So you see, relocation is for a greener pressure, is for good reasons, but let's not brush the emotional side, the emotional journey that also comes with it. For some people, their children are grieving, and yet their parents assume that everything is fine, everything is not fine, it is not fine at all. Relocation is very, very complex, it is powerful, and in some cases, we the parents we do not inform our children, we go through the passports processing, the document processing, and there we only just tell them we'll be leaving to the UK in a few days. And they are thinking, What about my friends? What about my teachers? What about all of these things? The excitement might build up. Yay! I'm going to Obadoibu, as most people will call it in Africa. I'm going to the UK, I'm going to Canada, I'm going to America, I'm going to Germany, I'm going to Switzerland, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. They think about the greener pasture, and they are excited. However, when they come here, this is when they most of the time the roller coaster of emotion begins. Because sometimes they are not hit with these things. Some children might start from Nigeria say, Oh, why didn't you tell me on time? I'm going to miss my friend. And they start promising. Don't worry, you're going to call them, you send them emails and things like that. But some children, the excitement is slowly dwindled. Immediately, they eat the shores of the new country. Because they are met with cultural nuances, and they are not finding their way to navigate through that. The reality is it is complex. For every opportunity that a child gets, something else is silently taken away from them. They are food. Yes, you are going to get some African stores here, we know that. But there's still a difference there. Because when they go to school, the school meal is not African food. It is mashed potato, it is peas, it is jacket potato, it is chips, sandwich. Yeah, we have sandwich in Africa, but we do it slightly different. And all of these things. And also they lose the ability to be able to go and spend time with their grandparents during the weekend. And the cultural humor where they understand it, where people just tell the joke, everybody gets it. And here they tell that same joke, nobody gets it. The shared identity, they won't miss that because now they are understanding that their identity is different, which can often lead to identity crisis. The emotional anchor is being operated. They are like a tree that has been operated from his own environment and taken to a new place for a replanting. So in the first year or few years, a lot of family will go through this invisible craving. So what I'm trying to tell you is that parents, when we relocate, please let's not just focus on the academic ability of our children, let's not just focus on making more pounds and taking all the shift in the available hours to you. Let's do well to also learn to check in with our children because there might be a stump bearing, and if you do not pay attention, you will not notice. Perhaps you'll be wondering, Sonia, what exactly are you saying? Everything is fine by me. Let me share some stories or the using different scenarios, and you might maybe that will help you understand it. This episode is sponsored by ASAP Consultancy, a whole of personal transformation for the mind, body, and soul. If you are ready to rise and burn out, move away from depression, heal anxiety, breakfast from traumatic emotional pain, and live with confidence in order for you to gain clarity, for you to move from surviving to thriving. Why don't you visit our website www.aseconsultancy.com. We'll support you through counseling, life coaching, and other trauma recovery programs, grief courses, and we even offer one at a time therapy. All of these services is available virtually, so you do not even have any excuse of saying you do not want to leave your home. You have everything from the comfort of your home will support you to move from surviving to thriving. Before you go, have you subscribed yet? Like, share, and comment on what resonates with you so far on this episode. If you have not done so, why don't you just click that button now? Thank you. Back to the program now. So Family One is a success story. Everything looks good on the outside because even though they just relocated recently to outside of the country, it might be UK, it might be Canada, it might be America, wherever. These children they have adapted so well, they made good friends in the neighborhood, they make good friends in school, their teachers are polite and easy to talk to. Their accents change pretty fast. They make good friends in different school activities that they do. Their parents feel so proud because not only that, they are also excelling academically. The parents, as well, their job is paying well and they can afford everything that they need. They did not just find any issues at all. The school took, you know, they find spaces for their children really fast. Their work colleagues are very, very good. Their integration was seamless. Their children are not part of the sports team and they are winning awards left, right, and center. The reason they did this is because when they relocated, the parents were well grounded with their values, their beliefs, and they were able to communicate this with their children. They spoke openly at home when everybody came back from work or from school and they just talk, how are you doing? They check in with the children a lot. They found a good church, God rooted, or maybe they were another religion, whichever religion they belong to, they were well rooted. So there was a bit of a slide into a continuous life, even though it was in a different environment. Their monthly meetings they used to hold in Nigeria, they are still holding it here or in any part of Africa where they belong. They are still holding it in their new realm, in their new location. They help the children to stay connected culturally because they have cousins and they ensure that they do things together. When the children come back, maybe there was something they were struggling with in school, maybe it's the way the educational system did not just brush it aside as oh, come on, you'll be okay, just get on with it. No, they faced it together as a family. When the parents were trying to navigate using the um the transport system, they communicated this with their children. So, in a way, the children poured into the parents, and the parents also poured into the children as well. So, together they nurture their identity, they build emotional resilience for one another. They didn't just focus on the children's academic ability, they ensure that they work with their strength, and if there's any weakness that was identified, they were quickly able to work together as a team and they sorted it together. Can you see that? Now, that family might said relocating has been the best thing that has happened to them because now they have financial security, they feel safe, their children feel sane, they have more time for their children because their job combined together the income is paying well, which means mom can do less job and have more time with the children when they come back from school, so they are nurtured in a way that everybody is okay, everybody is flourishing. Now let's move on to family two. They are also relocated almost the same time. The children are not failing, they are fine, they have average or slightly above in terms of their school performance. So they are doing well. The parents look at them, they are good. The dad and the mom are working really, really hard, but they are taking on loads of shift. The children are known to them, even though they are performing above average and in some cases average, in the inside, they are shrinking inside. But there is no one, dad or mom, present enough to notice that the children are laughing less. There is nobody to notice that the children sometimes they are struggling to sleep at night, and sometimes they might just sneak into their phone and stay on it, and they keep it because that has become their coping mechanism. The parents are working really, really hard by the time they come back from work, they just want to eat and quickly check in. I was good today, and they are good when it because they pick them from after school club. There's no much interaction between parents and the children, but yet nobody is complaining. Daddy's not complaining, mom is not complaining, children are not complaining, but at the same time, they all feel like guests in their own life. The parents are not bad people, but they are just too busy trying to make ends meet for them to notice that the children have gone quiet, that they've withdrawn into themselves. However, because they are performing really well academically, so no emotional temperature, no kicking off. The family thinks everything is fine, everywhere is quiet, there is no bad report from school, everything is fine. So they assume silence as peace. The children are complaining, they think everything is okay. The pain is there, but nobody is paying enough attention to see it until the children start attaining teenage hood, and they are going and gradually everything begins to come out. There is identity crisis, there is resentment, there is exposure of emotional bank bankruptcy because there was not enough nurture and pouring into them. So even though they were provided for financially, they were succeeding academically, but this family, there is an eating problem that will erupt sooner or later. Now let's move on to family theory. The struggle is obvious because the children are finding it hard really, really hard to settle down. They are the only colored people in their school. There is bullying every time the school is doing their best, but it's not yet much results. There is isolation, nobody wants to play with them. They are isolated during the playtime and lunch time. Now it's beginning to affect the academy. There's behavior change because sometimes these children, excuse me, genuinely do not want to go to school. There is often emotional outbursts in the home. The children do not hide their emotional pain. It leaks everywhere in their classes that they go to. It's licking. They are having problems with their teacher. The teacher asks them to do this. While they are doing it, there's a slight comment from one or two persons around them, and then the teacher does not hear this. All they see is that this child is shouting at the other student, Why did you do this? Why are you calling me this? Why are you calling me that now? And the people are thinking, this child is becoming too reactive. Rather than the school to pay more attention to what the child is reacting to, they are beginning to call the parents in to ask, is everything okay at home? Is everything fine? The parents begin to panic. These children were never like this in Africa, they were well behaved, they were fine, but they forget there was always someone at home back in Africa to pour and nurture their emotional bank. But now they are asking questions. What is happening? What offense have we committed? Will it brought you here for a better life? You children are so ungrateful. Do you know how much we have sacrificed? Do you know the amount of changes we have to go through in order for us to go to get to the um to travel out of the country? Do you know the financial implications of this? But these children are not bothered. They are not settled emotionally and mentally. They miss Africa because it was a place that gives them a sense of belonging. They miss knowing that they did not need to explain themselves to anybody because they just blended in. Yes, there was some occasional raft, but it was not a major like they are encountering here. Those are three families I have just described that relocated. Family one, they seem to be doing well. And yet they do not know. And the reason is because of the way that things have been handled by the parents, not because they are bad people, nor because they relocated, but because of how emotionally rooted, or how they were not emotionally rooted. Family one, even though they relocated, they were emotionally nurtured, they were emotionally sane, they were physically sane, they were emotionally rooted. Family two, they don't know that there's even malnourishment going on in their children's emotional bank. But because there is peace and silence, they equate silence for peace. You see that that is where the problem is, and that is the ones that concern me. The other one whereby everybody knows there is a problem that is even good. At least they can begin to ask for help, they can begin to get signposted to the right places to just talk about it and equip the parents on our best to help these children cope. Our identity is very, very important. Integration into the system is so important. Integration is not by you for me to speak the ascent, it is used to have an identity and be secure emotionally, knowing that if things are not going well, what do I need to do? Now, before we consider, before I share some tips that people can use to help to, you know, um can use to replenish your children, your family emotional bank mentally and emotionally and have a thriving lifestyle. I want you to think about a tree. When a tree is operated and replanted, do you expect it to start bringing out fruit immediately? Why then do you relocate your children and you expect them to just fit into the educational system and start making rapid progress at once? Why then do you expect so much of your children and you do not pay attention to all the lack that they will need when you uproot a tree from its original source of origin? It needs time, it needs to build its roots again into the new soil. So you need to give it time to build a new root system into the soil. It needs nurturing, constant watering to ensure that the root is able to be secured well in the roots. We do not expect it to just connect straight to the soil like that. Yeah, the root is there, the soil is there, but we need nurturing, we need enough sunshine. So, parents, when you relocate your children, they are like a tree that has been operated. So you need to nurture them mentally, you need to nurture them emotionally, providing for their academic needs alone, or putting them into loads of activities in school, excuse me, is not enough. Emotional adjustment is needed, excuse me, even for the brightest achievers, because some of them they may not complain, they may become so you know, so studious that they'll be flying academically, but their emotional bank is not is bankrupt. So you need to ensure when you move, you need to make sure that you get the children enough things that will help them. But before I talk about that, I want you to think about the signs. Here are the signs that when people are relocated, signs to watch out for. Check the child. Is the child's behavior still the same in terms of are they a bubbly child as it bec as that child becomes suddenly quiet? A quiet child, have they suddenly become too overly bubbly? If there is any change in personality, it is very important that you pay attention and support that child, have a word with them, talk to them. Now, if you find that a child that normally likes family time, all of a sudden, because you are no longer having that family time, they withdraw into their room. And you come back from work, they don't even come out to come and say hello to you. And they just they are okay with isolating themselves. And they are extremely quiet, you don't know what they are up to. You ask they are not rude, but you if they answer you based on what when you ask them questions, they are not very conversational anymore. If you find that your child is now you know being reluctant to go to school or to go for activities, you need to find out what is going on. Okay now, if you also find out that they don't want to play, especially with their siblings, and they used to do that before. You need to check their interaction with one another, what has happened. Now, if you also notice that your child has become so easily irritated, then you need to also pay attention and find out, reach out to them. They may not open up at once, but you are the adult, you need to make sure you are patient. Now, if you also notice that your child is doing a lot to get your attention, whether in a negative or in a positive way, they would do something to get your attention because they are feeling a sense of invisibility. Please don't start telling them off. You need to find out what why do they feel the sudden need to get attention, whether through positive or negative miss. Okay? Some children become numb, they just don't care, they are not bothered. You know that there's resentment, but you cannot trace it to where that is coming from. Some of them may find it really hard to bond with others in school, and they become very complactive and they disassociate emotionally. Some of them may become absent. Minded. You are talking to them, they don't even hear you. You're having to shout that is there something in your ear? What's going on? And they come back to themselves. So they are physically present with you, but emotionally, they are absent. Some of them, their emotional, their academic success might begin to decline. So they might need support. They might not necessarily do not want, maybe they don't want to do their work because they don't feel they need to be in that school. Because they don't feel is they don't feel included included in things in school. So you need to find out ways that you can get them to engage more. Some of them do not genuinely understand what they are being taught. Because let's be real, the educational system in Nigeria is different from the one in the UK. There are some basics, even the way we do our maths, for example, as an adult, I have to learn certain ways to do maths in order for me to be able to help my children in the right way. Because we might arrive at the same answer. But the method that is being used to get to that answer is different. The method that we use, for example, as a Nigerian to do addition or suppression, it might be different from what they will do here. The custom bust up method and all of that stuff, right? So, parents, please do not miss all the signs. Now, these signs are not universal, right? They are not universal. They might come in any shape or form. But the only thing I will tell you that is consistent, if you relocated and you notice any changes in your child or in your children, please follow it up. It is so important that you do that. We have to be very, very intentional in knowing that these signs, they are not just for nothing. They are something, they are giving you something to follow up on. Let's not equate providing for our children as parenting. It's our responsibility for us to provide for them. But we should not just think that is where it stops. They have a roof over their head, they have three square meetings to eat, they have snack if they want, they they they they they have clothing on them, and that's fine. But that is not true. Our children need us to validate them, our children need us to pour into them emotionally. Our children need us to notice when they need emotional support. Let's not push them to adapt too quickly because it is not fair, it is so so different. So these are the things that you can do if you know you've just you know relocated. Build your children's emotional roots by finding families that have similar values and beliefs as you, try and make friends with them. Your children have lost their support system in their family and in their friends. It is your responsibility to create a new one for them. You have to help them to create a new support system, even if they are not rapidly making friends to school, at least. They are friends in their religious organizations, they are friends in that that you've linked them with. So sometimes family meetup, you know, intentionally do a meetup with families that have similar values as you. Also, it is so important that you sign your children up for activities. I'm gonna speak now from the UK point of view. A child that is used to running around in a big compound in Nigeria, a child that is used to going to the neighbor's place and they'll go out and play together in one another's compound. Now you brought them to the UK, they do not have enough space to play around to even start with. And even if they have enough space to play around, maybe you have a big garden, when the weather becomes cold, that child may not be able to go out. You might be saying, it's too cold, it's too cold. Stay indoor. And they are restricting the child. However, when you take these children to outside activity, maybe football, maybe basketball, maybe piano lessons, maybe um gymnastics, maybe swimming class, this child will also find another way to express themselves apart from book, book, book, book, book, book, read, read, read, read, read. There are other ways our children can express themselves. If you are saying you don't have enough money to put your children in extracurricular activities, as a family, when you have about two or three other families that you are pairing with, check within yourself what are the skills that you all have that you can use to teach your children. One person might be good with arts and craft. Maybe when this parent is free, bring your children over and they will do art and craft together. You have a parent that is passionate about football, bring the football, whether boy or girl, let's go to the park, wear your coat, even if it's cold, let's go and play the footy in the park. If you have a parent that is very good at baking, maybe get all of them. I used to do baking classes with children. Oh, I miss those days. I used to just rent a place and I do baking with those children. You know, bake with them. The children will be so happy whenever they are coming to your house. They know they are going to bake. You can bring the ingredients with your child to the next person's house and let them bake together so that it does not incur cost on one person. You can even do a painting class together whereby you put a picture there, stand it, get the children to start painting the picture. You can do drawing together with draw as well. So these are some of the things. Don't just lock your children. The only time they go out is when they go to church or go to the mosque or go to school. Every other time you lock them inside, and then you are not complaining that this child is so easily irritated these days. Why would they not be easily irritated? First, there's not enough sunshine during the winter period. That alone, they are losing vitamin D. That alone is enough to affect anybody's mood, even an adult. Now, parents, please learn to listen with our judgments. I know you just really want them to stay in that grammar school, in that post school, in that web performance school. But if your child is not settling there, you have to do something about it. Listen to them with our judgment, listen to them to understand, not just to respond. Listen, what is going on? Help them, teach them how to do conflict resolution. And if it persists, perhaps you need to do something about it. Do you want a clever child alone and unhappy child? You can have a clever child and a happy child. It is your the things that you put in place will help to build that up and to promote that. Also, learn to have weekly emotional check-in with your children. Don't only wait until it is report card time and you look at the results, you like it, and that's the time you check in with them. Well done. You got all A's. Or the result is not good. Uh uh, is this not your mates that got this? What kind of result is this? This is not very impressive. This will not take you far. That's the only time you're checking with them. That's not checking in, that's telling off. Check in with your child daily. How was good today? What did you eat in school? Who did you anger around with? How are your teachers? How are you getting on? How is your homework going? How are you? Are you okay? Is everything fine? Are you happy? Is there anything I should know? Would you want to talk to me? Share your day. Maybe by the time you share your day with them, they might then be able to open up and share one or two things with you as well. Okay? Now we also have to find a way to share our culture aside. Is our roots, you know, is our root. Whereby either through our food, we talk about it. Oh, the yam in this country. Have people noticed? Is it does it taste the same? It's a bit different. I remember when my husband went to Nigeria, we went and it was like, babe, do you notice that the cucumber here is different from the cucumber in the UK? And to be honest, it is the cucumber in Nigeria is so big when you cut it, there are seeds right um in the surface, right? But in the UK, hardly will you see any seed in the cucumber when you cut it open. Another thing again, my parents used to say the bread in the UK is like eating paper. The bread is not sweet, the bread is this, especially the slice one. The bread is not nice. I didn't even notice it because I stayed here a while now. So my taste board has adjusted. However, when I went to Nigeria and I tasted, I gave you bread. I was like, Oh, yeah, that's true. I gave you bread. It's more sweet than our bread. Yeah. Also, create a safe space for vulnerability. If you're having struggles at work, share it. Oh, this is my colleague. It's just really, really difficult. But this is what I would do. This is what I would do to help me to be able to manage this, my colleague. Your child might also just come up. Yes, mom, there's someone I'm playing tennis with in a team. She doesn't pass to me, she's a bit you know, aggressive. Then you begin to teach them how to navigate those things, how to manage people, you know, how to do conflict resolution, how to speak up and be proactive with it. It's so important. Now, you also have to teach your children how to build a community. Nobody is an island of visor self. You can build a community in the in your religious body, you can build a community in your school through activities, you know, just have people that you can talk to, you can hang around with and have lunch with break time, play with, and things like that. It's so important. As parents, we also need to teach our children how to regulate their emotions. Emotions are neither bad or good, it's just a traffic light system that shows our internal inside that we are experiencing it because of what someone said, because of how we are reacting to our environment. So when you teach your children how to manage their emotions, they become emotionally intelligent. But you have to teach them, you have to model it as well. You have to model it. There are times my children will really, really upset me and look at them and say, mm-hmm, you are really, really pushing your luck. But I'm going to give you another chance. I can see that they've really pushed their luck. But I'm trying to model it. There are other times they will get consequences for it. So you also need to also show your children that there are consequences for each reaction that you decided to choose. So it is best to respond when you are calm and when you are calm and calculated. Now, your relocation to a new place. It might be for new opportunities, but please do not allow relocation. Silence your child's voice. It should not cost your child's voice, it should not cost your marriage, it should not cost your relationship with your children, it should not ruin the bond between you and your children. Let's learn to create a safe space at home. A home is not simply safe because of the amount of money and the comfort and the beauty and the furniture. The home is safe when emotional achievement exists, when your children can't open up to you that they are struggling, when your children can be vulnerable to you, when you also model to them what you are saying. Okay? We all want to have good children. You need to sit down and think about it. What does it take to raise good and independent children? Then you need to start putting those systems in place that will help them. Our children is not taken out of their bed home. Just because you feel you've paid loads of money to bring them here does not mean they should just be surviving. Our children are supposed to be thriving emotionally, mentally, academically, spiritually, physically. They are supposed to also thrive and be comfortable with their identity. They are supposed to grow innerly with the way they are doing things. A successful relocation is not measured. It's not measured by, oh, it's not uh we've got our RLR indefinitely to remain, we've got our COS, it's not measured by that, it's not measured by the academic success, it's not measured by their matter of sport, it is measured by one, the emotional regulation of your child, a sense of believing, belonging, their joy, their level of peace. Because when a child has all of this and they have good value, they will excel in any environment. And then when you also bring them in a nurtuary environment, they will excel even more. So please, when you approach your child, learn to also plant them well. Now, for parents, please let's do well to rest. I'm a big advocate of preventing burnouts. There might be lows of shifts for you or work to pack. I know you will need the money to you know to have a good lifestyle and to also renew your document. Perhaps saving something away monthly. That's what I always do when I used to renew my document. Putting something away monthly, my help is distress. Let us do well to prioritize our health. You have relocated to this country in good health. I pray that you will thrive exceedingly and abundantly mentally, emotionally, physically, in every aspect of your life, financially, in good health. In Jesus' name. Amen. We need to learn to eat well as well. Eat well is so important. Don't skip your meals every time because you are moving from one shift to another. Eat well. That is yours. Nobody can take it from you. Also, let us do well to incorporate rest. Self-care do not stop or start with going for a massage, going for um retreats. Self-care can also be the internal conversation that you have with yourself. Be kind with yourself. Let's not get into competition with the people that you met here or the people that you came with. We all have our journey. Let us learn to recognize that. It is important that we recognize that we are not here to compete with anybody. We all have our journey. So let us do well to ensure that we focus on our focus and measure our own progress based on our own standard, not based on other people that you came with at the same time to the country, not based on people that your age made, not based on the people that you met here. Focus on your focus. Also, let us do well to exercise. It is so important. If you know you are walking close to your home, instead of riding a car or taking the bus, why don't you leave about 30 minutes early so that you can walk then or run? Then you would have exercised your body. If you don't have the luxury to do that, sometimes just put the music on in your house and dance your heart out, get the family to join. That becomes your exercise. Going out for fresh air for a walk is another good one. You don't have to sign up for membership because that might add to your cost of living. But I'm just saying, try and do something that will also replenish you. The way you think is very important. The voice and the tone that you speak to yourself, internal conversation is so important. Let us not focus on worrying. Rather, focus on speaking out, seeking for support where you need it. Speak to the right people. You might say, I won't speak out, so people will laugh at me. It is better that people laugh at you than people cry over you. Let us do well to ensure that this journey of relocation do not break our family apart. Do not break our children. Do not leave trauma impact in our children. Do not break marriages. Let us do well to stay together in peace and in harmony. Okay? This journey of relocating is not just a journey of physical relocating, it is a journey of the heart, the mind, and the soul. So it is so important that we stay together and build together, make right decisions together. For spouses, love upon your spouse, love upon them. We need this love. No, if we're going to challenges, love as a way of making us forget what we are going through. So, parents, look after yourself, look after your children. Let's pay attention, let's be present to see these changes. A child who is not sure at home will feel confident enough to be able to reach out and communicate if they need help and you'll be able to help them in time. Okay? I hope this has you know help you to reflect on how you are doing things. If you know anyone that needs to listen to this, send it to them. Let us build a community where we help one another. Send it to them, send it to anyone that you feel they need to hear. This don't just listen to it alone and then keep it to yourself. Send it to people that we need it. Share it on your status, the way we share all the things of people that we don't even know. Share it. They are useful, share it as well. There are sometimes we share things that look at us and say, What's the point of that? Yeah, it's funny, but what did we learn from it? We have we tend to share things that it's just it's just trend. We share it easily, but things that will transform our thinking, our thoughts. We listen to it and we just say, Oh, yeah, that was cool, but we don't share it. Okay, so let us one learn to listen to our children, catch the signs and the changes in our children, let us honor their feelings, honor yourself as well, because your emotional well-being, your presence, your ability to stay grounded, create the soil from which your children will take root and grow deeper. Remember that success is not only in their grades, it's also in their overall well-being. Nurture their ways, nurture their roots, and love upon them. I wish you peace, I wish you inner harmony, and I hope above all things that you thrive in your body, in your mind, and in your spirit. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode. My name is Abia Sonia. I remain your oath. Thank you and God bless you.