Turn Failure To Your Teacher

You can do everything “right” and still watch the plan fall apart. If you have ever researched, budgeted, networked, prayed, and pushed through anyway, only to end up drained, embarrassed, and questioning your own judgement, you will recognise yourself here. I’m Abies Sonia Ebenezer Bamigbayan, and I’m sharing a hard-won reframe that changed my life: the project can fail without you becoming a failure. 

I walk through my own experience of a business that looked perfect on paper but became unsustainable in real life, especially for my health and my family model. We talk candidly about burnout symptoms, the quiet ache nobody sees, and the spiral of self-doubt that follows when you start wearing the outcome as an identity. I explain why your body is not lying to you, how emotions can act like a traffic light system, and why sometimes the bravest move is to stop, retrace your steps, and choose a different route. 

We also go deeper into healing and resilience: grief, counselling, journalling, prayer, and the slow process of peeling back layers of anger, guilt, and disappointment until clarity returns. Along the way, I challenge the world’s definition of success and invite you to redefine success in a way that protects your joy, health, faith, and relationships, while still keeping you moving towards purpose and impact. 

If this speaks to you, subscribe, share it with someone who needs a reset, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations on burnout recovery, self-awareness, growth mindset, and authentic personal transformation. What “failure” are you ready to learn from today?

Transcript

Welcome And The Podcast Purpose

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Authentic Travel Podcast. This is a sacred space to share so for truth that nourishes the body, which relates the mind and awakens the spirit as a traptide human being. I am your host, Abia Sonia Ebenezer Bamobayon. I am a life coach, a counselor and a speaker who is passionate about personal transformation. I'm also an author of the book Inner Ammonia Resilience Beyond Chronic Stress and Burnout. It is available on Amazon and on my website, www.aseultancy.com. On this podcast, we hold space for real stories through interview and we have an honest reflection about the journey of our speakers or our guests. We share soful conversation with them in order for us to be able to extract their lessons and how they were able to survive very difficult experiences so that we do not have to reinvent the wheel, but to learn from them and to grow and rise together. I also share experiences from my own life and also from what is happening in the community so that we can learn and also from a professional perspective. Because striving isn't about just surviving the past, it's about living with courage, gratitude, and harmony for holistic well-being. Thank you for joining me.

When Plans Still Fall Apart

SPEAKER_01 1:30

On this episode, we're going to be talking about when you've done a thorough research, you've done all the planning that is needed for something you have prayed, you have given it all your all. You feel like, yes, this is not going to fail. This is going to be watertight. I feel good about this. I know the things. I know my numbers. I have the right network. I know where to sort things out. I know how to advertise for things. And this project maybe is something that you've waited for for maybe five years, ten years, eight years, or it has just been a goal that you have been open that you are going to achieve. And when you got the opportunity, you grabbed it with your bold hands and you went in. Even though you had a baby that was just six months old, that did not stop you. You jump right into it and like this is my time. If I don't take it now, I am never gonna take it again. Even though you're supposed to have three months of your maternity leave, but you're like, nope, I am going right in there. Does that sound familiar? If it has, then you are in the right place. Welcome today to Authentic Traveling Podcast. I am your host, Abia Sonia, if you did not know me before, and today we are going to be talking about what happens when you choose something that has failed to become your teacher rather than allowing it to stop you. What does that look like? So sit with me.

My Business Dream Meets Reality

SPEAKER_01 3:10

So, for example, the person I was just describing at the beginning, that was me. That was absolute me. I remember there was a project that I had wanted to do, I really wanted to do this project for a long time when the opportunity, a beautiful opportunity, came financially, in terms of location, in terms of the all the research that has been done, in terms of having all the right network to make purchases and everything. Everything just just seems like everything fell into place. Everything was just falling into place. And you're like, Yes, thank you, Lord. This is you, and especially if you have prayed, and you're like, if I get this, you prayed like uh like Gideon. I'm like, if I get this sign, I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing, and then all the sign just begin to fall into place. You're like, Yeah, what can what can stop me now? Nothing can stop me. Let me just do it. However, as you begin on this journey, you begin to experience. In my case, I begin to experience that. Things are not always, things might look good on the paper, but in reality, sometimes the thing that you have been dreaming for, it may be a relationship in your own case that you have been longing to have. It might be a career that you thought, oh, this career is beautiful. A lot of people are doing it and they are they are they are excelling in every aspect of their life. So this must be good. This should be good for me. However, when you start that career, you begin to experience it differently. You might be thinking about, oh, I can't wait till I get married. And when you get married, you start experiencing it differently. You might be wondering, I need to relocate. Because all the people that I know, when they're relocated, everything turned around for them positively. They are doing well. It might just be like me. It might be a business idea that you feel like, yes, this business idea, what could stop it? Nothing. There are no competitors in the place where I'm opening my business, everything is good. And you're like, but by the time you stop, you start it, you begin to realize that these are not the way you thought it's going to be. Does that resonate with you? If it does resonate with you, I want you to comment and write a comment in the comment section and tell me how that felt like for you. Because for me, I felt like, how come this thing I've waited for? Now I feel so tired, I feel drained that I got to a point whereby I was burnt out and I was roasted. Every day appeared to be longer. But at the beginning I saw the vision clearly, and I thought this would be a touch of the independence that I've been looking for, no longer waiting for anybody. Everything looks promising. However, things just change. Every morning you wake up, you tell yourself, maybe today will be different. Today must be different. I will have a positive attitude

Burnout Signals And Heavy Emotions

SPEAKER_01 6:20

and I will just go for it. But each morning that you wake up hopeful, at the end of that day, you are not going back to bed hopefully in the happy way you started it. Deep down, you begin to feel the heaviness, the quiet ache that nobody sees for you. And before you know it, there comes the mental exhaustion, and then the physical exhaustion as well. You get exhausted, the kind that seems so deep inside of you, you can feel it in your bones. You feel like the bones are aching, but you find yourself like I am going to keep pushing, keep pushing through and pushing through and pushing through. Because giving up is not the option for you at that time. And then the body starts telling you that if you do not give up right now on this torture, on this repeated circle of stress, it just feels like the body is gonna give up on you. Now giving up, not giving up on the dream, but changing a different way to get to your goal. Your body starts telling you that you will know with the headaches, you will know with the easy irritation that you start feeling, you will know it. Sometimes you just feel like you are not motivated enough to do the things that you're supposed to do. And then come the questions Did I make a mistake? Did I hear wrongly when I prayed? Those signs that I got was in me that pushed for it to happen so that I will see that that was the sign I was looking for. It's that doubting yourself, that self-doubt sabotage. Like maybe I was not caught out for this. The emotional weight is real, and sometimes this emotion comes in different cocktails, come as shame. What will people say? Embarrassment, you feel disappointed in yourself, and anger as well. Sometimes you get angry and you'll be asking yourself, Why did I get on with this? Now, in all of these things, you have to be true to yourself, you have to be true to your core because there are different routes to where you want to get to. Your body cannot be lying to you, cannot lie to you. You need to pay attention to your body and realize that people will always talk. Your emotion is a traffic light system that you must listen to. It's a traffic light system that will tell you, wait, get ready, and then go. Because if you do not obey, this is where you see people breaking down, they get burnouts and all of that stuff, or you start developing different things, high blood pressure. But if you listen to your body, because your body will keep this cause, so your body knows what each of those signs mean. So you have to pay attention to it, regardless of the dream, regardless of the goal that you're trying to achieve. Do not see, do not allow when something did not work out, become a stopper for you. For me, I could have said I would never do any business again because I invested so much in this business. I invested my time, I invested my resources, I invested my human resources because I also tapped into other network as well of people that helped me. My family member, I could have said, have wasted their time and I'm never gonna do this again, I'm never gonna ask them for help again.

The Project Failed Not You

SPEAKER_01 10:05

Then what happened is that you allowed that project that failed to become a stopper for you. Remember, if you listen attentively, I said the project that failed, I didn't say you failed. So when a project, a career, a relationship, a transition failed, it doesn't mean you failed. Because when you start seeing it like that, you start wearing it as an identity. It is not you, it is the project that failed, it is the relationship that failed, it is the career that failed, it is the transition that failed, it is not you that failed. Because I believe that as a human being, we do not fail. We do not fail, we learn from things. That is how we're created. We are not created to fail, we're created to learn and then move on to greater things. So when people start wearing things like the failed, no, when you see when things do not work out, when you see it as you failing, it will stop you regardless of how you try to move on. It will stop you because that mindset will be built because you now have a belief that you are a failure. So when you have a belief that you are a failure, then you'll not be able to move. But if you see that it's a business that fails, I can do another one. But I have to wait, evaluate, and see how best I can do it better next time. What do I need to do? It might be a career that did not work out, then that is your first attempt in learning. Because even failed, first attempt in learning. So you can say, okay, that was just my first trial in trying to get into that career. Then I need to do something different. Maybe I need to use a different route, or maybe there are certain things that I need to go away and learn, and then I can do better next time. Is it going to be easy? No. But it is better for you to see it as not as your identity, but as on its own, something that is on his own that did not work out.

Choosing To Close The Door

SPEAKER_01 12:20

So, what did I do, you may ask, with the business? I had to make the informed decision that since it was not working, it was impacting my health, it was not suitable for my family model, the family model that I want. I love a family model where I am flexible, I can walk around my children, and I can be there for them every time, not when I can, but be there for them. But still be able to do things and make positive impact. So when I checked it out, I was like, even though the business model looked like it was going to work on paper, but there were some other factors that worked against it, even though the location I was the only one in that location, there were other factors that were far greater that worked against that business. And I began to win myself gradually. I begin to win myself gradually. I explore different options. Should I sell it on? How viable is it going to be? Should I just stay in that location and then try a different business in that same location? But when you think about the overhead, it was quite a lot. Now staying there and trying trying to explore other business was not a way forward. So I made the informed decision to close the business. And I know a lot of thoughts came to mind. Oh, people are going to see you as a failure. But then I said, No. However, people think that is their business, that is their cup of tea. It is not my business. People would think we are supposed to be thinking, we are thinking humans. We have over 60,000 thoughts a day. So you can't stop people from thinking. So if my end up in one of your thoughts, then I must be special. I must be very, very special. So I decided that I am going to close the business. Talk it through with my husband. Told my children, told all the family members that contributed in terms of helping and supporting and encouraging, let them know. And that moment felt like you were so you were surrendering everything. It felt like you had wasted my time. But I knew that it was a time to do a bit of a source session and to dig deeper. So that decision ended up not becoming a failure. It was a doorway to my early journey and a bigger way for me to possibly impart the people. So failure is not a stopper, it is a teacher. Now, when I look back, I begin to see what it has

Grief Reflection And Counselling

SPEAKER_01 15:10

taught me, and I will share. From my experience, the business not working out helped me to look inward. Because remember, I said it did not fit into my family model. And I decided to look inward, and it brought about more self-awareness to listen to my inner signals, to listen to who I am and who I'm not, to be able to humble myself enough and be real with myself and be more authentic. To understand that my word is not tied to anything at all. I am a person of value. I carry value, and anything I touch is going to be good, even though this one did not work out the way I planned it. I believe that I had the capacity to do other things and be successful at it, even if this one did not work out. It taught me grace and the courage to say, this chapter has ended, and it has given me new opportunities to start a new story, a new chapter of my life. So I took time off, but that time did not last very long. Because about 13 days after the shopfront was closed, my dad passed on. So it was from trying to ensure that I did not wear the identity of failure, and that succeeded because I was then, okay, I'm going to move into other things, but I need to just rest and evaluate what went right, what could I have done better, what should I do better next time? I went into grief, right? So it is not easy. So I went into grief, and then there I am grieving. But in that period of grieving, you also brought about a time of sober reflection, whereby every yes, I did, it stopped me. It stopped me, and it gave me that time to begin my deep soul session. Then it gave me time to rest because I felt like I was always on the go. So if you are someone like me that is always on the go, you are always looking for things to do, you're always engaged with one thing or the other. Maybe that thing that did not work out, that that you you see as if as has failed, maybe it has come to stop you, to help you to relax, to help you to reflect, to help you to become more self-aware. Who are you and who are you not? Because if you do not know yourself, other people will tell you who you are and you will believe them because you don't know yourself. So I prested, I prayed, I journaled, I observed, I allowed myself to feel the emotions of the grief. I got to question them, I identified those emotions, I questioned them, I sat with it and I released it. And slowly I began to heal. I did grief counseling, I wept. I wept and I wept and that group counseling. So if something has failed and it is affecting you emotionally, I think doing maybe a group counseling or individual counseling is a good idea. It was a great one for me because you begin to see that pain can be palpable, but it shouldn't stop you. Get the message, understand it, and let it go. Let those emotions go.

Sponsor And Support Options

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This episode is sponsored by ASAP Consultancy, a home of personal transformation for the mind, body, and soul. If you are ready to rise up and burn out, move away from depression, heal anxiety, breakfast from traumatic emotional pain, and live with confidence in order for you to gain clarity, for you to move from surviving to thriving. Why don't you visit our website www.aseconsultancy.com. We'll support you through counseling, life coaching, and other trauma recovery programs, grief courses, and it will even offer one at a time therapy. All of these services is available virtually, so you do not even have any excuse of saying you do not want to leave your home. You have everything from the comfort of your home will support you to move from surviving to thriving. Before you go, have you subscribed yet? Like, share, and comment on what resonates with you so far on this episode. If you have not done so, why don't you just click that button now? Thank you. Back to the program now.

Healing Layers And Rebuilding Identity

SPEAKER_01 20:08

So healing did not come overnight, it was a gradual process of peeling, as if you are peeling the onions away, the layers of peel up the layers of anger, the layers of guilt, the layers of disappointment, the layers of fuzziness. So that you begin to open up to clarity. And that is what I did. I realized that even though you know, be called a CEO, be called a business owner, be called an entrepreneur, even though that has that season ended, it doesn't mean you are not the title, you are not the labor. You are much more than that. Even though the missus is gone, even though you're working in a very prestigious place, that labor is gone. Don't become the don't let the labor become your identity. So you have to peel that up as well and realize that you are getting you need to prepare for the next season. So healing is required. So I forgave myself for diving in head first and sometimes not prioritizing my health. So I had to apologize to myself. I have to then begin to see what is the best thing I need to do that will suit my family model so that we all grow together, live together in a nurturing way, not in a busy, busy, busy place. And I begin to create a world that I like in my own way. Because I co creator with God. I begin to align myself with my spouse, with my children, and with myself exactly. Not in a chronological chronological order, but I begin to realize that I need that. So, like I said before, self-awareness is very, very important. Make sure you have that space for yourself to know what you are and who you are not, to know what will suit your family model, to know what will suit the season of your time. When you begin to see that, you see that failure will not stop you. Failure will help you to know yourself, failure will reveal the people that are around you to you. Failure will help you to know where there is a gap as well in your skills and how to fill it up as well. So yours might be a relationship, yours might be a career, yours might be um any other thing apart from business, but you need you can you can apply all of this lesson. Okay, so another thing that I learned again that it doesn't matter how long you go in the wrong direction, it can never automatically become the right direction. So failure gave me time

Redefining Success For Your Season

SPEAKER_01 23:05

to know that I was going in the wrong direction. I was going to end up in loads of debt if I carry on like that. So I had to stop. I was going to end up with compromising my health. So I have to realize that my health was very important, much more than money. Health cannot be bought with money. So if you have a good health, please preserve it. Don't allow that breakup, don't allow that career to drag you into things that will compromise your health, will compromise your faith, will compromise anything in your life at all. Don't mortgage your happiness or your joy for anything. So sometimes the bravest thing to do is to stop, backtrack, and just start all over again. Don't see it as a failure. It's not a failure. If you see it as a failure, like, oh, I'm starting all over again, it's going to stop you because you will not even have the energy to start all over again. Stopping also gives you time to breathe, give you time to reflect, give you time to realign yourself to where you're supposed to be. So now when back on that healing journey, went for group counseling, went for counseling, and then I have to check my life. Where am I in this season of my life? What are the things I need to build around my life to sustain me and to also preserve my joy in this time of my life and my love as for myself as well and for people around me. So once I've done that, I was then able to then know that complete turnaround. This is not a time to rush into another business or rush into another career or rush into another relationship, whatever your case may be. This is a time for you to just ask, what have I learned from this? So I stop, retrace my step back to the beginning and ask myself, what are the things that I learned from it? So I started what I learned from it. I have to pay attention to my body, I have to remember the signs that my body was giving me. I had to ensure that even when I pray, sometimes there are certain things that you need to do. You are destined to be a businessman, does not mean it's a particular business that you are doing now that will establish that business empire. You are destined to be married, doesn't mean this relationship that you are in right now is the relationship that will lead you to the altar. You are destined to be a career person, it doesn't mean that this career that you are this career route or where you are actually doing this career right now is where it's going to take you to your final destination of um progress and prosperity. So it doesn't mean that you heard wrong, it just means that maybe you did not hear that you don't know the season, you don't know that maybe your timing was off, maybe the season was off, maybe the route that you took was off as well. So I started all this lesson and learned from it. Then the next one is I began to redefine my success because I'm from a family of entrepreneurs. My grandma was an entrepreneur, my dad is an entrepreneur, my mom is an entrepreneur, you know. I'm from a family of entrepreneurs. So I always like to have seen people when you do things by yourself, you have more liberty, you have more freedom, you have more uh time for yourself and your family. So that was the reason why I was, I just thought, oh, it's only true business you are going to be successful. Yeah, you can do some career, but do it in a business model, then you're going to be successful. So I look at the things thoroughly and I begin to define my own success. What is true success? And then begin to align it with my internal belief. I have to refine my belief that yes, it's good to be an entrepreneur. As an entrepreneur, you are going to be successful. But then you have to be careful about the business that you choose as well. There are different business models. So I have to choose the one that will that that will suit me. And then I have to also define do how I have to do certain business for me to see myself successful. Are there other things in my life that also contribute to my success? So me being able to be there for my children without no boss controlling my time, that was a success for me. Me being there for my spouse, that was a success for me. Me being able to do things in a flexible way with my time, use my time in a flexible way, that was success for me. Me being able to um listen to my body, and I know that okay, I'm tired today, I need to just slow down and take things easily. That was a success for me without thinking that, oh, if I call in sick today, maybe my boss is gonna think S, Y, and Z, or maybe things is going to happen, they are not going to give me that promotion that I wanted. I I have to wipe that out. That's not success to me. So ask yourself, what does success look like? It's not the world model where they will have to go, if you've done this, if you've done that, if you've done that, they are successful. I have to know that if I needed money to be able to sort out my key things in my life, then it's successful. Then I'm able to also positively impact people as well, whether through my resources, whether through my finances, did that a success for me. So, what is success for you? The fact that everybody is married in your family, does that mean that's a success that if you are not married, that means you are not successful? The fact that everybody is doing business and you are not doing business, you are in a successful career, does that mean you're not successful? The fact that you are a career person as well, and you've not uh given the promotion that you've wanted for a long time, does that make you unsuccessful? The fact that you are married and you do not have children here, does that mean you are unsuccessful? You need to define your success. If you do not define your success, you find yourself using the worldly model and you end up getting frustrated, getting agitated, getting upset with yourself. The third lesson I have to use

Transformation And A Growth Mindset

SPEAKER_01 29:05

to you know ensure that that failed thing was not faith business, was not a teacher to me, was transformation. Um, thinking about other transformation, what are the as a result of that business not working at, what transformation did I experience? Because when things do not work out, there are some transformations that happen, but sometimes we do not pay attention to it. We do not pay attention to it because we are so upset, we are so disappointed, we are so grieved, we are we are so resented with ourselves or with others that we do not think about the transformation that happened. There are pros and cons to transformation. So when you end your business, it's not a punishment, it might be a transition, it might be an open door to a bigger transition that will take you to where you are supposed to be. Sometimes what looks like loss, it might just be God telling you that it's creating a bigger room for you to enter the next chapter of your life. So that close business, that and that relationship that ended, that marriage that ended, or that um friendship that ended, or the career that ended, or the relocation that did not work out, may not be uh may not be something so bad. It might just be that it's helping you to become an authentic version of yourself, it's helping you to learn where you are not supposed to be, and it will then take you to the direction where you're supposed to be. It's helping you to have a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset. So, whatever that filled thing is, I want you to reflect on the transformation that you got at the end of it, the transformation that you experience, whether it be mentally, physically, emotionally, whether it be financially. Sometimes it might be a financial one, maybe that particular um field thing was taking a lot of money from you. But as a result of you backtracking and then you know reflecting, you were able to use your money wisely without wasting it. Sometimes we think that the things that not work out are such a bad thing, they are not. They are not always. So I want you to reflect on that transformation. What transformation have you experienced as a result of that thing that fail? So that thing that looks as if it broke you, it might as well build you up to become a stronger, a more resilient, a more kind and empathetic person. So failure does not diminish our worth, it helps to deepen our wisdom, it helps us to become more observant, it helps us to learn, it helps us to remain humble and know that it is not by power or by might, it is by the Spirit of God. We just plan things, hoping that everything will work out well the next day for us to be able to activate and achieve that plan that we have set out to achieve. It helps to soften us as well, it helps us to learn that even though you fall, you will rise again with grace. So when things do not work out, I want you to reflect. When you reflect and you do all the things that I've been talking about, you see that it's your teacher and is not a stopper. Source sometimes takes us to where we are not supposed to be, it makes us get carried away, it makes us rude, it makes us pompous, it makes us become a fake version of ourself. So when things do not work out, sometimes it helps us to stop and think and reflect and then pay attention to ourselves, to our environment, and to our purpose. I thought I was working in my dream when I started a business. I didn't know I was going to walk straight into my healing by knowing when to stop to turn back and create a different version of myself. I thought I was ending something that I had always wanted, but I was beginning a new story that no one had that no one can stop. Written a new story that I can now positively impact people, even more people than I did when I had the the retail business. So in this space right now, I want you to think about it. If you are falling apart because that relationship did not work out, or the business did not work out, or the career did not work out, or the relocation did not work out, or that collaboration did not work out, or the contract did not work out. I want you to know that you are not failing. You are learning, you are transforming. Maybe this chapter is teaching you to rest, maybe it's teaching you to listen, maybe it is humbling you, maybe it is equipping you, creating opportunities for you to learn the skills that you will need ahead in where you are going. Maybe it's helping you to learn how to listen. Maybe it's helping you to get attuned with yourself so that you become more self-aware and you value yourself more and you build your confidence. Maybe it's preparing you for something that is greater than yourself. Maybe you are bigger, you have outgrown where you are, and it's time for you to prepare to the next stage. So it is not a failure, but it is a teacher. You should always remain teachable, be a sponge that absorbs a lot, a lot of knowledge, a lot of revelation, a lot of wisdom and keep growing softer, wiser, stronger whatever your experiences. A lot of people think you have to be strong always. It's not true. Vulnerability, there's strength in it as well. And it's so so important that we begin to see, separate what has failed away from you, but don't let it get to your identity. Let it be a teacher, learn from it, thank it, and then move away. So

Final Encouragement And Sharing

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we have come to the end of this podcast. I hope you'll be able to reflect and know that you are unstoppable. You cannot be stopped. The only thing that can stop you is you. And how does that stop you when you begin to wear identity of what did not work out? But when you see it as part of the plan, to teach you as part of the plan, to process you and prepare you for the greater destiny that you have, you begin to see failure as a teacher and not a stopper. Thank you so much for joining me in this episode today. And I hope you share with someone listening with your family, listen while you're cooking, listen as you are going um for a walk is very, very useful at this time. And if any of the things that I've said resonate with you, I want you to comment in the chats in the in the in the comment section, you know, and follow us on all our podcast platforms, follow us on YouTube, make sure on your social status, on your Instagram, on your WhatsApp. I just I really do hope that your life keeps blooming, even as life is pruning you and taking away the things that you do not need so you can travel light. I wish you peace and inner harmony. Thank you so much for joining me today on today's episode. Take care and God bless. I remain your host, I'm your Sonia. Keep driving.