3-2 Finding Joy in the Little Things

Have you ever been struck by how a moment as simple as the sun peeking through clouds can lift your spirits? Rosie and I have, and we're excited to share our conversation on the Bella Grace podcast about the profound impact of life’s small delights. We weave through our personal narratives of struggle and triumph, uncovering the joy hidden in everyday life's nooks and crannies. From the cathartic release found in childhood play to the tranquility of gardening, we underscore the myriad ways to find happiness in the ordinary.

Life's challenges don't come with instruction manuals, but in this heartfelt exchange, Rosie and I grapple with the intricacies of grief and loss. We open up about personal battles with sorrow, and how, amidst the loneliness of the pandemic and the sorrows of personal losses, we found solace through community and support networks. The transformative role of play therapy for children and the journey to sobriety reveal the power of connection and the resilience of the human spirit – lessons we're eager to pass along to our listeners.

As we wrap up our chat, the theme of joy in daily activities takes center stage. We celebrate the subjective nature of happiness and discuss how stress can be just as personal. By illustrating the beauty in receiving dandelions from a child or the thrill of a bike ride, we hope to inspire you to discover what makes your heart sing. Join us on this expedition of self-discovery, and remember to like and subscribe for more episodes that help you craft a life brimming with contentment.

 Rosi's Episode
https://youtu.be/fCzvCvKDAFo?si=42HDR4cDoDvf67B0 

Chapters

• 0:04 Finding Joy in Little Things
• 17:15 Coping With Loss Through Alcohol
• 32:02 Navigating Grief and Emotional Regulation
• 43:46 Finding Joy in Daily Activities
• 49:08 Finding Joy in Everyday Life

Transcript

Teresa: 0:04

All right, welcome to the second episode this season of the Bella Grace podcast. We are helping you thrive. And what did I say? See, it's going to be a few episodes before I get this right. What? Did I say I said um helping you helping you mind, spirit and body. Yes, Um, oh my goodness. Body and soul, Something to that effect. We're just trying to help you build a really great life that you love living. Right, that's the bottom line.

Rosie: 0:59

That's our goal and that's our purpose. Yes, and that's what we want to do.

Teresa: 1:02

Yeah, because Rosie and I have both been through so much Like we have so much Both been through a lot. Yeah, like I don't think I've ever told my entire story on a podcast episode.

Rosie: 1:16

And I don't think I've heard your entire story either. Yeah, I think I've heard it's a bit yeah, you have, yeah, yeah, because we've been.

Teresa: 1:21

It's a bit yeah, you have yeah yeah, because we've been friends for a couple years now and we've been to a lot of connect groups and so little pieces of my story come up at different times yeah but you've heard mine. Yes, yeah, I've heard yours, but so we've been through a lot of crying, a lot.

Teresa: 1:37

We did a lot of crying on your episode, um, but yeah, so our goal is just really to help you thrive. Help you thrive mentally, emotionally and physically, and we are doing that this week by talking about finding joy in the little things. Yes, yeah. So right before we think, yeah, right before we started recording, you said you find joy in doing ridiculous things.

Rosie: 2:05

Yes, I do, I do. I know I look very serious and very put together, but I'm not. I'm just pretending and I do. I do a lot of ridiculous things because that's who I am. I am ridiculous y'all. It's hard to believe, but I am. I like to do stupid things and those stupid things bring me joy. Like yeah, like I call me crazy, but I mean my husband hates my Mexican grito and my uncles, my drunk uncles, love it, I love it and my family loves it, but it sounds ridiculous and I'm not gonna do it either, but but there is something about you just letting out a scream yeah, whatever it is out of nowhere just because and scare the hell out of people because it makes you happy and it scares others.

Rosie: 3:02

But so for me that brings me joy because it just like merges from the inside and it's like yeah, it doesn't sound like that.

Teresa: 3:10

No, it's a very beautiful thing and it is. It is like a really big thing in the Mexican culture yeah, it is uh, but it. It brings you joy, so I know your story. If you haven't heard her story, you should go listen to it I will bookmark it. I said that last episode, but I'm gonna bookmark it. Um, but yeah, you had a very scary childhood in a lot of different ways right and coming out of that you could have turned into a serious, sad, bitter person.

Teresa: 3:44

Yes, a sour patch kid Like the candy, but you don't. You're not.

Rosie: 3:52

You are playful. I am. That's the child in me, y'all. I am mature, but I'm also childish.

Teresa: 4:02

In some way Not in a childish In a playful way like like I like to.

Rosie: 4:09

I don't know, like there's little things that bring me joy that I do like, like I don't know, just dancing or singing out of tune yeah, yeah, or just I don't know, like doing cartwheels out of nowhere. I mean, if with my kids it's just like those little things that bring me joy and I feel like everyone has them, they just need to just to do it more and. I guess you know, embrace it, yeah, yeah.

Teresa: 4:36

So one part of my and I don't know that you've ever you will eventually walk through my course. I have a six weeks course, yes, and one of the parts of it is rediscovering what brings you true joy, right, and so the exercise is about thinking back to when you were a kid and remembering those things that really excited you as a child right that were like, oh my gosh, I could get lost for hours doing X, you know, like those kinds of things that brought you so much joy.

Rosie: 5:16

Yeah.

Teresa: 5:17

And trying to recreate those in your adult life, to give yourself somewhere to get true joy from yeah, right, your adult life. To give yourself somewhere to get true joy from, yeah, right. And sometimes I have clients who will say, well, I had a shitty childhood and I didn't ever feel any joy, so how am I supposed to do this? Okay, and so, and they get stuck there, right, because they're like you're telling me to dig back to a place where I don't want to go and where what you're talking about didn't exist for them. Joy did not exist in their childhood, like there was not a speck of it. And some of them have way worse childhoods than, yeah, anyone. I know like it was, it was awful and I get it imagined, yeah, but so how do you then create joy as an adult when you didn't know joy as a child?

Rosie: 6:19

okay, um.

Teresa: 6:22

I'm curious what your answer is. I.

Rosie: 6:25

I think, when, when I think curious what your answer is. I think, when I think about what gives me joy is it's like I have small hobbies, like, for example, I like to read books for fun and because it brings me joy, because I love to read and you know, that brings me joy.

Rosie: 6:48

Sometimes cooking brings me joy because I like to experiment, sometimes I like to try new recipes, and yeah, and that brings me joy. Sometimes I like to go for a walk, and that brings me joy. It's as cliche as this may sound, but I like to look at the sky, I like to look at the trees, I like to look at birds, I like to look at the plants.

Teresa: 7:10

Yeah, Did you know that there's actual science behind that? Oh, I'm sure there is, because the colors and I think it's kind of spiritual, kind of biblical, kind of we're both christians, um, so this might sound a little woo, but but I believe that god created certain things, certain colors for certain. Yeah, and if you are so, in psychology they say that the color green and the color blue can bring calmness and it can bring down your anxiety levels.

Teresa: 7:49

So if you're anxious about a work meeting or you're just worked up about something. If you can look at something green or something blue, Blue and green are the colors to go y'all yes but it naturally brings you some peace and some calm.

Rosie: 8:07

And so you talking about, you know, going out to look at the sky, look at the trees, like there's actual science behind the fact that that actually brings you peace, like so, I think like two weeks ago I was having a very stressful week and that day was just like it. I was like it was. I couldn't even talk, I didn't want to talk to nobody, okay. But my husband was like you know what, let's go to the nature trail. And we did, and just being out there looking at the trees, the plants god's creation, just the colors, I just felt you know better and I feel like that just brought me joy. And I know there's people who don't like nature. You don't have to go on a nature walk. You may get lost.

Teresa: 8:55

You don't want to do that right, yeah, we don't want to go out looking for you.

Rosie: 9:00

But if you like to draw, because that's what you used to like to do as a child, I know that's what I used to do as a child. I used to like to color and draw and I'm good at it, but that's because I spent a lot of time doing that. That still brings me joy Sometimes when I go back into painting and I grab my paintbrushes, my canvas and everything that brings me so much joy. It just makes me feel, I guess, alive. It makes me feel like myself. It makes me feel creative. Yeah, so it's just like there's just something about it where I'm like, oh, this feels good to me.

Teresa: 9:40

Yeah.

Rosie: 9:41

Like it could be watching a movie, even listening to a song. Those things can bring you joy. Music can bring you joy. I mean smells can bring you joy. Yes, if it makes you happy to smell your dog, who smells like cheese, go ahead and do it.

Teresa: 9:59

Right, I know, we call it Frito Paws.

Rosie: 10:04

We used to have a chihuahua and she used to smell like cheese and my daughter would call her Nacho Cheese.

Teresa: 10:10

Yeah, we have the chihuahua. Her little paws get so stinky. I'm like yeah, yeah, but yeah, it is about finding joy in finding what brings you joy right like you had rough times in your childhood, but you still had those things that brought you joy right, yeah and sometimes I ask people because I've worked with people who are victims of um child abuse right, they're adults who experience child abuse as a child.

Teresa: 10:42

They're survivors, is what I should say, and they'll tell me like I never felt joy as a child and I'm like okay, but what did you use to escape the chaos, to cope? To cope A healthy coping. To escape the the chaos to cope a healthy. Yeah, hoping well, because when you're a child, you have no sense of there's. There's rarely unhealthy coping for a child unless they are severely traumatized or whatever and they might isolate or they might harm themselves self-harm.

Teresa: 11:19

But usually what kids do to cope is drawing, playing, pretend exactly um yeah, and if you really dig into those things like, okay, stuffed animal, your stuffed animals brought you joy. Okay, what about the stuffed animals brought you joy? Was it the fact that they were soft and they felt good and you, you know, enjoyed cuddling with them, then that might tell you in your adult life that you might enjoy being close to someone you know cuddling up on the couch with a soft blanket, close to someone you know cuddling up on the couch with a soft blanket. Maybe you cuddle up on the couch with a soft blanket and your spouse or your boyfriend or your girlfriend, you know, like that sort of okay, because a stuffed animal, it's soft right, it feels good, it's cuddly, it it gives you a sense of safety, safety, yeah.

Teresa: 12:15

So it's like really breaking down what you sought out as a kid, what brought you joy as a kid, and why? Because a lot of times, like if your favorite thing to do as a kid was play with barbies, well, you might look a little crazy as a 40 year old.

Rosie: 12:34

Um, I mean, to each their own, but I think I've seen people who collect dolls and um, and I think that's great, because if that brings them joy, then that's like okay, well, more power to you, because um and I think I've my husband collects shoes. That makes that brings some joy exactly. They're expensive, I don't agree with it. But if it makes him happy, then okay. Or I mean just certain things.

Teresa: 13:03

Whatever brings you joy in a healthy way is approved by us yeah yeah but yeah, it is about figuring out what, what you enjoy, because you thoroughly enjoy going to the gym, right?

Rosie: 13:19

I do you like the gym. That brings me joy, yeah.

Teresa: 13:22

It brings you joy. Going to the gym makes me feel better physically and mentally. Yeah, but, it doesn't bring me joy.

Rosie: 13:34

To you or to me. To me oh.

Teresa: 13:37

Yeah to you or to me. To me, oh yeah, so like it. I know, when I'm not feeling well, when my body has not been feeling right, when I'm kind of depressed, whatever, I know I need to move my body because it will make me feel better so going to the gym will make me feel better, but it doesn't bring me joy and I think there's a big difference there, that sometimes people get mixed up. I see it. The difference between it makes me feel better.

Rosie: 14:07

Like this is good for you but it doesn't bring you joy. Just like you, eating your vegetables may be good for you, but it may not bring you joy.

Teresa: 14:15

Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah you, but it may not bring you joy. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. So for me, what brings me joy, excuse me, is um kind of like you getting out in nature, yeah, going for walks and fresh air yes, but what really brings me joy is doing stuff with my friends, being surrounded by friends. I told you I have community. Yes, it's community.

Teresa: 14:40

I have brothers and I've always been very close to my brothers and every Friday we would do family dinner night, either at my brother's house or at my house, and the whole family would come over and we'd cook and we'd hang out and play games and games and whatever.

Teresa: 14:57

And then, when we all kind of moved away from each other, I lost that connection. And I had friends here but I wasn't close to them. They were my husband's friends, who ended up being my friends too, but I didn't feel that deep rooted connection with them because with my family I shared a spiritual connection, I shared a family connection, blood connection, and we were friends. Like I felt like my brother my brother is one of my best friends, like we are that close. And then my sister-in-law his wife, is one of my best friends, she was my maid of honor, like we are that close. And then my sister-in-law, his wife, is one of my best friends, she was my maid of honor, like we are very close. So when I moved here I lost all that connection and that's when I realized that that was my joy center, like I have other things that bring me joy, but that was the center, yeah, of what brought me joy was feeling connection to people.

Rosie: 16:02

And it took a long time and it does take a lot, a long time to build connections, build relationships. Especially, I think it's easier for children to make friends than it is for adults, because we put up our walls exactly because we're guarded. We're more like no one wants to show their soft um side, you know.

Rosie: 16:26

No one wants to really show what they who they are, because everyone feels judged, everyone feels like, like I guess they'll, they will be misunderstood, or they just can't be themselves, or they have to be mature, grown adults. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it wasn't until I met you guys at Honest Connect Group Honest me.

Teresa: 16:50

Honest Connect Group was the third connect group that I've gone to and it was the first time that I felt real, genuine connection to someone outside of my family and my yeah church friends I can relate to that, yeah, yeah, and I that's kind of when I realized, um, I think I met you guys right after I stopped drinking. I stopped drinking in August and I met y'all at the beginning of the next year, 2021. Mm-hmm, I think it was October of 2021. Okay, or November. Okay, it was around that time, yeah.

Rosie: 17:30

It was in the fall.

Teresa: 17:31

Yeah, because I met America and Tracy in March in the spring. Okay.

Rosie: 17:36

Was it church, mm-hmm, okay.

Teresa: 17:37

Yeah, they in March, in the spring okay, was it church? Okay, yeah, they had a connect group together. So I met them and then it was a few months and then I went to Anna's because I think hers was in the fall okay and I started late. I had gotten sober so I had stopped drinking. I started drinking really heavily after my stepson died and we were drinking all the time, like all the time and my. Every time I've had someone die in my family. I've always had my family around.

Rosie: 18:21

Okay.

Teresa: 18:22

To help me through it. My stepson died March 13th of 2020. It was literally the day the world shut down. Yeah, in Texas. Yeah, it was like that was the day that they told us that the kids weren't going back from spring break. That was like that was the day the crazy started.

Rosie: 18:43

Yeah, and I started panicking. Yes.

Teresa: 18:47

And I came home and told my daughter that her brother had died and then I called my brother and I think I called my brother before I told my daughter, and so telling my brother really made it real. And then I told my daughter and when I had to tell my daughter that my first fiance passed away, I told her how old was she when your fiance fiance passed away it was two weeks before her fourth birthday, oh, but she's super mature and like did she comprehend death?

Rosie: 19:27

because she, at that stage you're like she knew that he wasn't coming back.

Teresa: 19:32

Okay, yeah, but at that age kids don't understand permanency. No, they don't, so she regrieved him at five, when her brain finally hit that barrier.

Rosie: 19:44

He's not coming back.

Teresa: 19:45

She regrieved him, and so I had to put her back in therapy and so it was really hard for her.

Rosie: 19:53

And what did you do? What kind of therapy did she? She did play therapy.

Teresa: 19:57

Okay, yeah, she did play therapy at texas tech because I was a student at tech and so she did, uh, play therapy and so, um, but after I told her about my fiance, we were alone in my bedroom. But when we walked out, we walked out into a house full of people because I had friends and family living with me. I think that can be a lot right.

Teresa: 20:21

Well, it was, but it was. After my stepson died, I realized that that was what I had always. That's kind of when I realized that I needed community, yeah, and that community brought me joy even in the deepest, darkest, saddest of places. And when I walked out of her room after telling her that her brother died and I walked out and it was just my husband in here and I am thankful for my husband. I love my husband, but coming out to just him and realizing that he had to help both of us was daunting and I was like how the hell am I gonna make it through this with just the three of us here?

Teresa: 21:05

because when russ died, it was my brother, my sister-in-law, my russ's parents, russ's aunts and uncles, russ's brothers, my aunts and uncles, russ's brothers, my aunts and uncles. When he was in the hospital, we had 35 to 40 people in the tiny waiting room.

Teresa: 21:23

24 hours a day yeah, yeah, all of my aunts and uncles came up, all like my cousins would come up in shifts, like we had friends in there, and when Jeremiah died I couldn't figure out how to process that alone. It was so hard. And then my brother was like we were supposed to drive to go see my brother that weekend. And my brother said, okay, well, just let me know if you're still coming. I really don't think you should be by yourself.

Teresa: 21:54

Yeah, next thing, I know my sister-in-law. She's always got my back. She's like we're on our way. We got you. Yeah, help is on the way. Yeah, that's exactly what she said help is on the way. And then she sent me the pic, the meme of Karen with the boxed wine from Will and Grace, and she says I brought the juice boxes. And that is literally like we just hung out and we handled my stepson's death like we always had right, like that was, but then they left and I was alone, yeah, and it was the pandemic, so I couldn't hang out with anybody I hadn't yet met.

Teresa: 22:39

You guys, no, so I didn't really have super close friends that I could be like, hey, I am struggling and I need you to come over, yeah.

Rosie: 22:47

Like today's, a hard day yeah.

Teresa: 22:50

And so and it was FaceTime, everything you know we had to just video chat with people and so I would sit in my backyard with a bottle of vodka or a bottle of wine and just video chat whoever would answer, while I sat in my grass and got drunk like that's how bad it was wow, you know now that you mentioned that.

Rosie: 23:17

Okay, so I had a miscarriage January, actually February, days before my daughter's birthday, and I was and this was like, before the pandemic it was 2020, february of 2020. Before the pandemic, it was 2020, um february of 2020, and I had like a glass of wine once when my husband was cooking some steak and you know, wine, steak, whatever and that's when I started drinking the wine and I was like, oh, okay, well, it feels good and um, but I was really depressed, I was really sad and um, then, weeks later, when by spring happened, spring break happened, then the pandemic happened, and then that's when I realized I was drinking the like. Oh yeah, I was drinking a lot of red wine. And I found this out when I went to my garage and I and I realized that I had all the bottles there next to my recycling bin and I counted them and there were seven bottles and I'm like, did I drink these?

Rosie: 24:28

like a week or a day and I didn't even know, I didn't, I couldn't tell you if it was like? But I was like, what if I was um coping from the miscarriage? Miscarriage and the sadness, and that's why I was drinking and I didn't know, I didn't realize it, because it sneaks up on you it does so.

Rosie: 24:49

When you mentioned that you drinking wine in your backyard by yourself, it's just like, okay, I know I was drinking and I mentioned it to you before, yeah, but I guess right now I realized that maybe that's why I was also drinking so much, not just because of the stress and anxiety of what was happening around the world, yeah, but it was also because I was dealing with my little loss.

Teresa: 25:11

Yeah, yeah yeah, and that's. That's the thing. Like it creeps up on us. It's subconsciously.

Rosie: 25:19

Yeah, it's just you're doing it and you don't realize it. You don't realize it.

Teresa: 25:23

Because if you weren't drinking, you would have had to sit on the couch and face the fact that you had lost your baby. Yeah, same for me. If I was not drinking, I would have had to deal with the impossible emotions of having lose. Lost my stepson? Yeah, because I helped raise my stepson from when he was little, because I I knew him long before my daughter was ever born. Like I used to help take care of him and so he. He was more than a stepson. Like he was, like mine and it was. I've lost fiance six weeks before our wedding, my dad when I was eight. All my grandparents are gone. Multiple aunts and uncles are gone. I've lost cousins. I've lost my best friend to suicide when she when we were in high school. Like um, I've lost people. That one floored me Like I was distraught.

Rosie: 26:29

I was, I think, losing a son, whether it's a stepson or a stepdaughter. I think children are just you know. It's a different kind of loss.

Teresa: 26:41

Yeah, You're not supposed to bury your babies, like you're not supposed to lose your babies, like you're not supposed to lose your babies. Same with miscarriages and unwanted abortions like that. I I feel like anytime something is taken from you like that, it's like you lose a part. You do, yeah, yeah, and I and I, looking back now, what I was craving, what I needed and what I was soothing with alcohol was community, and that's what brings me joy, because it sounds counterintuitive, but whenever you are in the worst situation of your life, what you need is joy, not just temporary happiness, not just temporary relief, but true joy, yeah, like a constant thing yeah, and I I got judged a lot for it.

Teresa: 27:38

but when my fiance died I was completely surrounded by friends, like I had a few friends move into my house Like we went out. If it wouldn't have been for my cousin two of my cousin's craziest girls on the planet, I freaking love them to death. We all have crazy cousins.

Teresa: 27:57

Yes, but if it was, and they came at different times, like one cousin was there in the immediate aftermath of russ dying and then I don't know what happened. I think she moved and it was like they passed the baton and their, her sister came in your turn yeah, your turn if it was not for them, like they would force me to get dressed, get pretty, go out, go karaoke, go whatever. Like they made sure I did not stay home, sad and alone.

Rosie: 28:33

And then I had my friend who was my home, sad and alone, friend, and so I guess, the way that I went through that season was I didn't have anyone and I could I mean, um, one of my cousins came from out of town and you know he was really sweet, and his wife too, and but other than that, I don't think I, I didn't want anyone around me because I guess I didn't want to cause pity. Yeah, I didn't want to be like feeling like I'm someone's sad burden. Yeah, so I, you know, I didn't want to be like feeling like I'm someone's sad burden yeah.

Rosie: 29:07

So I you know I didn't get any calls or anything like that checking up on me, but I guess I was also the type that I was, just I guess Suffering silence.

Rosie: 29:22

Yeah, yeah, like I, would be like oh, I'm okay, you know like I mean days after my miscarriage I still went to volunteer in church with the Children's Center or whatever, and I just kept on with life because I felt like, like that's the way that you just do things, things happen and you just have to move on, move on, and you don't stop to realize that you need to stop and feel your emotions and you just, I guess I dwell in them or feel them and then just release them. Yeah, so they're not stuck in you and you're not just suppressing them. Yeah, with alcohol or drugs or other things. And I, I that was my way of coping. Everybody. Everybody copes differently, but for me.

Rosie: 30:08

I was just like uh, no, I wouldn't really talk about it because I, I guess I didn't want to be like, oh, I had a miscarriage and I I didn't want my like. I said the pity, yeah, because I I wasn't taught or you just don't know what to do in situations like these, right? So when I didn't, I think I told some of my friends, but I don't think I told everyone and I didn't have that community also.

Rosie: 30:43

So I did feel like that sadness. I did feel like it took me a while, to be honest to, to just be able to think about my loss without crying. Yeah, because then I would watch movies or or hear people talk about it and I would tear up because I was still dealing with it, oh yeah, but then once I um would go around and hear other women and we would share stories like this and I was finally able to talk about it without, you know, tearing up, that doesn't mean I didn't care anymore or I wasn't. You know, because losing something or a child or any, you know it's still hurtful and it's still, you know, it's still hurtful yeah.

Rosie: 31:32

It was just more like okay, I'm better now. Like this, like I know that you know my baby is not here with me, but he is in heaven with. God watching, and you know, and one day I'll get to see my baby you know yeah. But, and I guess, to me I was just like I'm okay now, like I don't think about it anymore, yeah, yeah. So, did you ever go through a time where you were feeling better and you didn't think about your son like that anymore? Yeah, and you were.

Teresa: 32:13

Yeah, and I think it's important, like you do, that's part of the grief cycle, right Like you get to a place of acceptance, like that's the final stage of the grief cycle is acceptance. And the grief cycle isn't circular, like it's not cyclical, it doesn't. You don't go like point A, point B, point C, it's not perfect, right Like you don't. Everybody doesn't just go okay, stage one, stage two, stage three. So, it happens differently for everyone. Yeah, yeah, and some people it's like anger bargaining denial.

Rosie: 32:48

uh, of course I'm gonna forget the other does anyone ever go from like acceptance to then denial and then anger? Or it's just?

Teresa: 32:59

if they haven't fully accepted it. Okay, you can surface, accept it, pretend accept it. Which? Is usually what happens when you cope with drugs, alcohol or behaviors is you have a faux acceptance right. Like you're like, oh yeah, he's in a better place, it's all good, I'm much better now, yeah, but then you stop drinking or you stop using and it all comes crashing back.

Rosie: 33:29

Now you're alone.

Teresa: 33:30

Yes, you no longer have that substance to hide the fact that you have not actually dealt with it.

Teresa: 33:40

And so, like, think of it this way, like if you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, you go out and you start using heroin or smoking, weed or drinking wine to deal with it, right. So you start to feel better and you're like, okay, well, it's not as painful anymore, like he's in a better place, whatever. But then you get sober, yeah, and really all you're doing when you're drinking using numbing with social media, numbing with food like you're just pushing everything down right and not and not actually processing it. So it's almost like squishing it down to the bottom of your esophagus with like a plunger Right. So if you digest the food, naturally we have certain mechanisms in our mouth like that activate the saliva. The saliva activates the sphincter. The sphincter closes on your windpipe and opens on your esophagus so that the food will go down, so it doesn't go down your windpipe and into your lungs, and then that activates the muscles and they churn and they pull the food down.

Rosie: 34:57

You're teaching me a lot. I'm like Teresa, where are you getting all this?

Teresa: 35:02

This is what happens when you have a million degrees and like they're on in all different areas I have a science degree I have my, I have a smart friend, yeah, but then that activates this lower sphincter to open to let the food into your stomach. Right, yeah, but if you don't process the food properly, let's say you just get the food and you put it in a syringe and you just inject it into the back of their throat and it just shoots down into their which is done, which is done yeah, exactly, it's stupid.

Teresa: 35:36

Why would you do that?

Rosie: 35:37

well, they do that, yeah, but we're not professionals here, we don't?

Teresa: 35:40

we're yeah, but then it doesn't activate the saliva glands right it doesn't by chewing it doesn't?

Rosie: 35:48

yeah, you're not smelling the?

Teresa: 35:49

food, because also smelling food also activates the saliva, you know that's crazy because I I saw that um unreal yeah, yes yeah, I learned everything there.

Rosie: 36:01

Okay, that's my source. Yeah, so yeah, that it's not the same thing um drinking a smoothie of fruits and vegetables. It's not the same thing as eating the fruits and vegetables and when I heard that and I was like, well, I always, I mean I love to juice you know I love to, but it's not the same. It's not the the same thing, because your eyes have to see the fruits and vegetables, your nose has to smell them, your mouth has to taste them and your teeth have to chew them.

Rosie: 36:36

The chewing activates the calories to help digest the sugar, because when you just drink the smoothie, you're just swallowing it, so the saliva is not getting mixed in with everything, so then it doesn't process and all the nutrients don't go to, I guess, where they should, because you're not eating it correctly, which is crazy, right, because there's a science behind the way you eat. Yeah, yeah.

Teresa: 37:05

There's a science, it is yes and so like, imagine you just shoved all that down there and now it's just stuck in your esophagus, right, because none of the processes to digest it are working, so it's just stuck here. Yeah, well, it's gonna come up. I've said this earlier what goes down must come up, like it's gonna come up. If it can't go down into your stomach and be processed like yeah and flushed out like it's gonna come back up. It's the same thing with emotions if we don't process them correctly, we don't go through them, they don't go through us and we don't come out on the other side healed. Instead, it just stays inside us and eventually it is going to come out, body just scary.

Rosie: 37:50

Yeah, I mean, we're not. I don't, we're not built for that. Yeah, no, we're not. We're like, if you keep on pouring and pouring and pouring, you're gonna be a ticking bomb and then you're going to explode. You're going to have anger issues. You're going to cope in unhealthy ways.

Teresa: 38:10

I mean, I always say that school shootings, the problem is not guns, it is mental health, you know, and the fact that we don't pay attention to it.

Rosie: 38:18

Here's the thing. I work with toddlers and there's a lot that I have learned from them and working around them and, as I learned so much about them, as much as I learned about myself. So one thing that I love that's helped me is learning that you have to self-regulate your emotions that you have to self-regulate your emotions. And because what happens when a toddler doesn't regulate their emotions? Wah.

Teresa: 38:54

They throw a fit, they throw a tipper tantrum they throw a fit and they're emotional ticking bombs.

Rosie: 38:58

So imagine us as adults. Yeah, we are different. Yeah.

Teresa: 39:04

Yeah, yeah, we, we are different, yeah, yeah, and we and we, we're taking time bombs too, because, yeah, we are only, we are constantly working, momming over daddy. Yeah, everything is going out like we're, yes, everything is going out of us. All of our energy, shopping, laundry work, provide cooking babysitter yes all those, those are all out drops yes.

Rosie: 39:32

Or having to be even being a um, a caregiver, yeah, like when you take care of a sick family member. It also takes a toll on you yeah, that's what I went also when you work in the health industry. The medical industry it's like that, you, you it's for all emotional creatures. So one thing I've learned is that you need to be able to self-regulate those emotions. From a young age, toddlers need to be taught about their emotions because if not, they become adults, teenagers, who don't know how to self regulate, and that is bad?

Teresa: 40:12

yeah, no, it really is. And so I kind of went through that with my mom when she was sick and I was having to, you know, drive back and forth to take care of her.

Teresa: 40:22

I had to really hold on to like cling to the things that bring me joy, yeah, and like those things, like I said, our community being outside and just relaxing, like having moments of peace, by myself relaxing, like having moments of peace by myself, and those are the things that really replenish me and refresh me and recharge me and like I can go through war, yeah, and come out, do one of those three things and be ready to go back. And but we don't teach people. No we don't teach toddlers, because, if you think about it, toddlers are a lot like adults in that they are constantly, they're being inundated just constantly. Input, input, input, input, input of stimuli. Right, yeah, because everything is new for a toddler.

Teresa: 41:26

Yeah, it always stimulates them yeah, and you're asking them to learn yeah and do and color and this and that, and they're at daycare or they're at preschool and they're and it's just constant for them too. But if we could teach them to take a minute and turn off that switch and bring in something, yes, that brings them peace and joy, yeah, yeah, then they could take that into adulthood. But we're too busy teaching them math colors, whatever letters. I don't know what you teach your two-year-olds, but I remember to say so one thing.

Rosie: 42:04

What one thing I learned is, when they get overstimulated or, um, they're having a hard time of self-regulating is just um. Sometimes it's sitting with them, yeah, in the calm corner, because there's nothing you can say to them, because they're screaming, they're like they're not in the they're not. You can't work with them right now.

Rosie: 42:30

All you can do is sit next to them to let them know they are not alone in those feelings. And hey, I'm here for whenever you're done, you're ready, like it's okay. I'm here for whenever you're done, you're ready, like it's okay, I'm here next to you yeah because you're validating the fact that they feel overwhelmed.

Teresa: 42:48

Yeah, because they're big emotions.

Rosie: 42:50

We all have them, so that's community, and then the child feels safe and then they can go on with their next task or whatever. And and that's very important, because sometimes we also adults, when we go through hard moments we don't want, I guess, we just want someone to sit with us, yeah, to just be there, like not to advise us or anything, or you know, just to be there and I think that's what happened to you. Like you just wanted people, someone to be there when you lost your son yeah and um, and that's very important community yeah

Teresa: 43:27

and yeah yep, so what are? What would you say are some ways that people can figure out what brings them joy I think, uh, I, I think everyone is different.

Rosie: 43:46

What may bring me joy may bring stress to someone else, because they're not me. Everyone's different. Yeah, but I feel like if you enjoy watching the news that brings you joy, that news brings me stress. I don't want, yeah, I don't like watching the news.

Teresa: 44:02

I don't watch the news. Yeah, I don't like watching the news. I don't watch the news, ever no.

Rosie: 44:04

But if reading the newspaper in the morning, drinking your coffee, brings you joy, I say you do it. Yeah. If you like to water your plants because that brings you joy, go ahead and do it. If you like to walk your dog because that brings you joy, do it yeah. If you buying yourself a shirt or something every week brings you joy, without you know you having an addiction to shopping, then you do it. Yeah.

Rosie: 44:35

I feel like if you eating one candy you know, and you're able to, and if it it brings you joy, then go ahead and do it. Yeah, writing can bring you joy and that can also be a good way to let it out.

Rosie: 44:50

Yeah, it can also be like writing is a good therapy yeah yeah, so I feel like, if you like to take pictures and that brings you joy or what, oh, one thing that brings me joy, too, is riding my bike. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's a good one, yeah, yeah, and that's something I used to like doing as a child. Yeah, I used to use one of, like my uncle's bikes.

Teresa: 45:14

Riding a bike brings me anxiety.

Rosie: 45:17

No, I am so grown. Okay, then you're not, you can't go riding bikes with me.

Teresa: 45:22

My child will go ride bikes with you all day long. Me gives me such anxiety yeah, so that's a good example like it brings you joy, but not me, and so, like I, yeah, if I'm having a bad day, I don't want to go ride a bike.

Rosie: 45:38

It's gonna make it worse you know, something that used to bring me joy when I used to live in chicago was, on my days off, I would get an all-day pass, um, for a public transportation which was the subway, the cta, or um, the whatever, yeah, a train sub. I said it all, yeah, um, and I would get an all-day pass and I would just get lost in the city. I would walk, I would just walk, yeah, and I would look at the beautiful um buildings, the architecture, the, the flowers, the gardens, and I would find like the cutest little houses and I would get lost. I would find the coolest little holes in the walls with just things to see, and I loved it. That brought me joy.

Teresa: 46:26

I miss those days.

Rosie: 46:27

Oh, I love that one, that's a good one. Yeah, if you enjoy just walking around, just go to a small town.

Teresa: 46:33

Yeah.

Rosie: 46:33

Go vintage shopping. There's a lot of them in Texas, yeah. And if oh, something that brings me joy is um driving, oh, yeah, not in the city no, not here but out in the country or like a quiet road. Yeah, I do miss that, yeah because I listen to music yeah music that I don't get to listen to all the time, so I like to roll down the windows and like yeah, when I'm back home in lubbock.

Teresa: 47:02

I do that because there's a lot of back dirt roads and like back roads and just seeing the open space and yeah, yeah, yeah turn to as a coping mechanism. That isn't going to be problematic is if it brings you peace, yeah, and you feel energized after you do it right like feel recharged.

Teresa: 47:35

You feel recharged, yeah, renewed and refreshed, yeah, and like you're ready to go back out and tackle more, because otherwise, if it leaves you feeling ashamed or depleted or more exhausted than you were to begin with Guilty, then maybe you need to find something else, a different thing that brings you joy.

Rosie: 47:58

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it can be the little things, the little things like my students bringing me dandelions, yeah, um outside when they're having recess. They find a dandelion and they give me one that brings me joy that's so sweet.

Rosie: 48:17

I used to take them to my dad it's those little things guys, it does not cost a lot, it does not, it my dad? It's those little things, guys. It does not cost a lot, it does not. It's just those little things, yeah, yeah. Or like when my kids come up to me and they give me a big tight hug that lasts for more than a minute that brings me joy.

Teresa: 48:33

Yeah.

Rosie: 48:34

It's always those things, yeah, yeah.

Teresa: 48:37

All right. Well, that was episode two. Yay, yay, we did it. All right, guys. Thank you for listening and we hope you got some wisdom from this, from her. I'm just here to talk. No, we are the dynamic duo. It is just a crapshoot as to what we're going to say around here. Yeah, so keep coming back. But yeah, we hope you got some wisdom and you can. I hope we helped you see how to find joy in the little things in life and where to look for those.

Rosie: 49:19

And let us know what brings you joy and what are those little things. Or if you need help finding those little things, we will help you.

Teresa: 49:28

Yeah, for sure, yeah, reach out to us. Rosie and I are both going to be doing one-on-one coaching sessions. Yeah, and this is one of the things that we can help you with. We can help you figure out what brings you joy. We can help you set goals to incorporate that joy into your everyday life and start building a life that you love, where you are thriving mind, body and soul. Yes, all right, our contact info will be in the show notes and make sure you like and subscribe and watch the next video.

Rosie: 50:05

Bye, bye.