How Past Trauma Affects Your Work and Personal Life

Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you work, you’re still stuck?
That’s because trauma doesn’t stay in the past—it shows up in your work, relationships, and daily life.

In this powerful episode, I bring together everything I’ve shared over the past 5 days about:
✅ How trauma fuels overachievement and burnout
✅ How emotional triggers show up at work
✅ How unhealed wounds impact relationships
✅ How to break free from unhealthy cycles
✅ And how to turn pain into purpose

If you’re ready to shift from survival mode to a life of freedom and grace, this episode is for you.

💬 Email me “FREEDOM” to explore 1:1 coaching: teresa@bellagracecoaching.com
🎁 Get my free resource: https://www.bellagrayce.co/free-resources
📩 Share this episode with someone who needs this message!

Chapters

• 0:05 Episode Introduction
• 1:39 Trauma Fueling Overachievement and Burnout
• 4:23 Emotional Triggers at Work
• 10:39 How Trauma Affects Relationships
• 15:33 Turning Trauma into Purpose
• 22:25 Taking Action and Episode Closing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Hi, friends, and welcome back to the Bella Grace podcast. I'm Teresa, your Freedom Mindset and Recovery Coach, and today I'm doing something a little bit different. Over the last week, I've been doing a deep dive into how past trauma affects our work and our personal lives, and how healing those wounds can lead to lasting freedom and success, and I realized that this content is too important not to put into one cohesive space. So in today's episode, I'm bringing together everything that we've talked about over the last five days, and that includes how trauma fuels overachievement and burnout, how emotional triggers show up in the workplace, how unhealed wounds impact our relationships, how we can break these cycles and how to turn your pain into purpose. If you've ever felt like you're doing all the right things but still feel stuck, this episode is for you. For you. Stick with me till the end, because I'm sharing a few actionable steps to help you recognize and break free from these patterns and start living with more grace, balance and purpose. So let's get started, all right. So how trauma fuels overachievement and burnout. How trauma fuels overachievement and burnout.

Speaker 1: 1:45

Let's start by talking about something so common for so many high achievers they use success as a survival strategy. You might be thinking wait isn't being driven and ambitious. A good thing, and yes, it absolutely can be. But for many of us, especially those who've experienced unhealed trauma, overachievement can be an armor. So if you grew up in chaos, you learned that control makes you feel safe. If you were only praised for performing, success can be your identity. If your needs were ignored, overgiving can become how you earned love. And while these coping mechanisms may have helped you survive in the past, they're now keeping you stuck, fueling burnout, exhaustion and feeling like you're never enough. Here's what I tell my clients If your worth is tied to productivity, if you can't relax without feeling guilty, if you're running on empty but afraid to slow down, that's not just ambition, that is trauma talking.

Speaker 1: 3:16

So what's the shift? It's learning to recognize when you're hustling for your worth and giving yourself permission to rest without guilt. You don't have to earn rest. You are worthy of resting simply because you're human. I struggled with this for so long and I actually still do. Sometimes, if we're being honest, I will fill every minute of every day with something to do instead of just taking time to rest and enjoy the present moment. So whenever I catch myself doing that, I will literally shut down the computer, go put on my PJs and get into relaxation mode so that I'm signaling to my brain that it is time to rest.

Speaker 1: 4:16

So part two is emotional triggers at work and how to respond with grace. Work and how to respond with grace. Now let's talk about how unhealed trauma shows up at work in ways you might not even realize. Have you ever overreacted to an email that felt too critical, felt anxious when someone asked for a quick meeting, or shut down after receiving feedback, even if it was constructive? These are emotional triggers, and here's what's happening when you're triggered your brain isn't reacting to the present moment. It's reacting to a past wound that feels eerily familiar.

Speaker 1: 5:14

Criticism might trigger wounds of not feeling good enough. Being left out can mirror childhood experiences of neglect. Being left out can mirror childhood experiences of neglect. Confrontation may remind you of chaotic or unsafe environments when you were growing up. So an example of this is criticism might trigger wounds of not feeling enough.

Speaker 1: 5:45

I have shared in the past that after my dad passed away, his family kind of cut us off. We weren't considered part of the family anymore and so whenever I would get criticized, so for years, for years, that made me feel like I was not enough, I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere. I didn't feel like I was wanted. I didn't feel like I was worthy. And so when I was an adult, a full grown adult criticism would send me over the edge because it made me feel like I was that broken child again who didn't feel like they were enough for their dad's family to want them after he was gone. So I had to do some really hard digging in and realize that I am enough, I do a good job and I am a hard worker. But it took me, following that root system, back to where the pain began, and it was when I was eight years old and I felt like I wasn't enough.

Speaker 1: 7:00

So being left out can mirror childhood experiences of neglect. This is also one that I've struggled with for the same situation. I was never neglected by my mom's family my mom after my dad passed away. They loved me unconditionally, they accepted me, they were amazing. I always say we had more fun than anybody could ever understand in that family More fun and more love. Say we had more fun than anybody could ever understand in that family more fun and more love.

Speaker 1: 7:34

But I still felt neglected by my dad's family, and so whenever I don't feel like I'm accepted into a group or whenever I feel like I'm being shunned for some reason, it can bring up those childhood experiences of neglect. And so I realized at my first big girl job that I was doing whatever I could to fit in and have friends. And now I wish I wouldn't have done that. I really do. I wish I would not have done that. I wish I would have loved myself enough to set boundaries and see some of the toxic behavior that was going on and protect myself from that. But we have to forgive ourselves for the things that we didn't know when we did certain things right. So I had to forgive myself for trying to fit into the box, for trying to gain their acceptance and for putting my true self on the back burner during that time. Now I know it was the trauma from my childhood that was taking control. So I'm going to share with you a little bit about my childhood. So I'm going to share here's what I teach my clients Pause before you react.

Speaker 1: 8:44

Take a breath to shift from fight or flight mode back into grounded awareness. This might look like taking a quick break to go breathe in the bathroom or go breathe in the stairwell on the lives or go breathe in the stairwell on the lives. This week, I talked about how I used to have a spot in the stairwell at my corporate job where I would just go sit and breathe for a little bit until I figured out why I was triggered, so that I could react with calm and grace rather than out of trauma and reactivity. Ask yourself what's this really about? Name the deeper emotion beneath the trigger. So, using the example of me, trying to fit in the deeper emotion beneath the trigger was neglect, feeling neglected. So when you ask yourself what is this really about, you allow yourself to dig deeper and try to figure out what's really going on.

Speaker 1: 9:49

Create a regulating ritual so I mentioned this just a second ago but have a go-to strategy for resetting, whether it's a short walk, taking deep breaths, a mantra that reminds you that you're safe. Now I am safe, I am worthy something that will help recenter you and remind you that it is a present moment situation that is happening. Having that ritual allows you to pause and ask yourself what's really going on. So, in my mind, these should actually be flipped. It should be have a regulating ritual. Use that regulating ritual to pause and ask yourself what is this really about? So how trauma affects relationships and how to break the cycle. Okay, so let's shift gears and talk about relationships, because trauma doesn't just show up in work. It shows up in the way we love, trust and connect with others. Do any of these sound familiar? Over-apologizing or people-pleasing To avoid rejection, avoiding conflict because boundaries never felt safe, building emotional walls because vulnerability is dangerous? These are trauma patterns showing up in your relationships and while they may have protected you in the past, they're now keeping you from experiencing true connection from experiencing true connection.

Speaker 1: 11:51

So I want to just share a little self-disclosure here. I used to over-apologize and people-please to avoid rejection. Like I said earlier, I used to try to fit myself into this little box. I had a very checkered past. I've shared on here before that I started using drugs when I was about 16, 17 years old, and I didn't get sober until I was 20. And in those three-ish years I wreaked havoc on my life, I got into trouble, I did things I'm not proud of, and so when it came time for me to get my first big girl job, I had a job. All the bad words that you can think of, I was them at one point and I did not believe that I was worthy of sitting in the rooms that I was finding myself in. And I over apologized and I people pleased to keep that position because I didn't feel like I was worthy of it and to avoid the rejection of my peers. So this is straight from the horse's mouth. It happens, it is okay. It is okay that this is happening, but it is not okay to stay there.

Speaker 1: 13:28

So here's how you start to break free. First, you recognize the pattern. Notice oh hello, mr Melvin, sorry, if you're watching the video, you get to see my cat. Here's how you start to break free. Recognize your patterns. Notice when you're over giving, shutting down or avoiding conflict, name what you need. Ask yourself what am I trying to protect or avoid?

Speaker 1: 14:02

Number three start small with new boundaries. Build trust in yourself by setting boundaries that honor your worth. Yes, remember, healing doesn't happen overnight. We always say in addiction recovery that we didn't get sick overnight. We can't expect to get well overnight. We always say in addiction recovery that we didn't get sick overnight. We can't expect to get well overnight.

Speaker 1: 14:25

It is a process, but with each boundary that you set for yourself, you teach yourself that you are a safe place. And it can be hard. Trust me, I know it can be hard. Setting boundaries is scary, but I want to encourage you to start small. Start small. Set a boundary around your bedtime. Set a boundary around what functions you will say yes to and which functions you will say no to. Set a boundary to having people at your house or not having people at your house, whatever it is. Start small, but the important thing is that you start. As soon as you start setting boundaries, you are teaching yourself that you are a safe place and that you have your best intentions at the center of these decisions that you're making Make sense? I hope so. Okay, so, turning trauma into purpose. Now this is where things get powerful, because while trauma can break us down, it can also build us up. Your pain can be your purpose. It can become your purpose. I know it has for me.

Speaker 1: 15:50

When you've walked through fire, you come out with a perspective that others need. This is a big one. Others need the perspective that you have from having walked through that situation. You have resilience that inspires hope, and resilience is a word that is common in nonprofit mental health, but it means you have the power. You had the internal strength and power to make it through a situation that would have taken most people out, and when you have resilience, you need to share that with other people so that they can see that it exists and that there is a way out.

Speaker 1: 16:40

You also have a story that can change lives. For years I've been told that I need to write my book and for years I've put it off Because I'm like, oh, there's a million people out there who have gotten through the things that I've gone through and made it out of addiction and all the things right. But when I get out of my own way, I know my story can change lives. But I had to get out of my own way. I had to stop the limiting mindsets, I had to stop the people pleasing and I had to stop the fear of rejection to get out of my own way Because I have a perspective that others need. I have resiliency that inspires hope and I have a story that can change lives, and I know you do too. So stop belittling your own story, stop belittling your own pain. So stop belittling your own story, stop belittling your own pain and start stepping into the purpose that this pain holds. Okay, this I digress. Okay, so this is how to begin.

Speaker 1: 18:04

Number one acknowledge your story. You can't heal what you refuse to face. Acknowledge your story. For years I sugarcoated my experiences, I used fluffy words to describe the things that have happened to me, but when I finally just said what it was, just laid it all out there and acknowledged my story, I was able to start to heal some of the wounds and the past trauma and the pain. But it didn't start until I named my experience, until I acknowledged my story and acknowledged the way that it was impacting my current life. So number two is find meaning in the pain. Ask yourself what did this experience teach me? I want to stop for a second and then I'll share the last one, because I just remembered that in my five-week series I talked about big T trauma and little t trauma. Big T trauma is what we typically think of as trauma Grief abuse, neglect, those things right. Grief abuse, neglect, loss, big T trauma. A traffic accident, a divorce, a mass shooting, any of those things right? Those are big T trauma. Not everybody has big T trauma and that's amazing. I'm glad there are people out there who do not have big T trauma, but that doesn't mean that they don't have trauma.

Speaker 1: 20:08

There is a thing called little t-trauma, so lowercase t-trauma, lowercase t-trauma looks like chronic stress. It looks like chronic fill in the blank, everyday, normal stressors that are never ending. If your boss is a crazy person and makes crazy demanding, crazy demands of you, with total disregard for the amount of time that it's going to take you to do those things. If your co-workers are constantly negative and nagging and it is just a negative environment at work. If you are constantly running from place to place to pick up all the kids and you basically feel like a single mama because your husband works all the time, not to mention you work a full-time job too. Maybe you're a stay-at-home mama and your baby has colic and never stops crying, all of those things are little t trauma Trauma, my friends. They are no less taxing or debilitating as big T trauma.

Speaker 1: 21:35

We always say, well, I'm just dealing with the stress of the day, oh, it's just been a stressful year at work. That stuff takes a toll on you, so do not belittle it. And when I talk about finding the meaning in the pain, I do not just mean big T trauma, the entire reason. I finally got out of my own way and started doing what I do today, which is helping high achievers break free from mindsets, behaviors and addictions that are holding them back from reaching their true potential. The whole reason Bella Grace Coaching exists, the whole reason Teresa Anka Photography exists, is because I got out of my own way.

Speaker 1: 22:25

I was experiencing little t trauma every single day at my job. Every single day, every single day, I found myself in that stairwell, crying, trying to reset, going for walks, trying to do all the things that I knew that I could do to try to recenter myself, to try to push through the stress, to try to cope. All the things I was doing, all the things, except acknowledging that I was trauma assaulting my body day in, day out by staying at this job and not using the skills, knowledge and resources that I had at my own disposal in my own brain to break free from that. It took courage. It took acknowledging my story and saying I am experiencing little t trauma here every single day and I found that I needed to leave that job. I needed to leave that situation because that was is what was best for my mental health.

Speaker 1: 23:44

What situations do you need to put boundaries and parameters around to protect your mental health. Once you acknowledge your story, once you acknowledge what is happening in your life, then you can begin to heal it. For me, it was walking away from that job, and then the next step was to find the meaning in the pain. And then the next step was to find the meaning in the pain. And I brought this up because even little t trauma has meaning, there is a purpose, it is teaching you something. So I had to sit down and say what did this experience teach me? What lessons am I taking with me? What boundaries am I setting up? What parameters will I set up? What will I never again say yes to? What will I never again say no to? And then the next step is to share your lessons. Someone out there is waiting to hear how you overcame what they are still battling, and so that is what I do. That is the whole premise of Bella Grace Coaching is to share the lessons that I have learned along the way.

Speaker 1: 25:04

And yes, I've had some big T trauma, as I know many of you have. But some of you have tuned out and said, oh, she's not for me because she only talks about the big T trauma. No, no, no, tune back in, come back. Come back Because we're also talking about the little T trauma here, and that can be just as taxing on your mind, your body, your soul as big T trauma. So, friend, I want you to hear this Trauma is not the end of your story. Whether it's big T or little t, it is not the end of your story. You are capable of breaking free from the patterns that have kept you stuck and stepping into a life of freedom, grace and purpose.

Speaker 1: 25:54

If this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear from you. You can shoot me a message. Shoot me the message the word freedom If you're ready to explore one-on-one coaching and go deeper into your journey. Share this episode with someone who needs this message today, and you can download a free copy of my resources here in the link below. Thank you for joining me on this journey. I am honored to walk beside you as you break free, rise higher and live with grace Until next week. Be well, be kind, and may you find some joy this week. Bye.