Boundaries in Action: Setting Boundaries to Reclaim Your Time & Energy

Have you ever said "yes" when you wanted to scream "no"? Felt guilty for needing time to yourself?

Welcome to a powerful episode of the Bella Grace Podcast! Today, we’re kicking off the Boundaries in Action live series with a deep dive into why boundaries are not selfish — they are self-respect in action.

Join Freedom Mindset & Recovery Coach Teresa Mitchell as she unpacks:

• What boundaries really are (hint: it’s about honoring yourself, not controlling others)
• Why high achievers often struggle with setting limits
• How to reframe boundaries as a loving act of self-trust and self-respect
• How to confidently set boundaries at work, with family, and even with your own time

If you’re tired of feeling drained, guilty, or stretched too thin — this episode will equip you to start setting clear, kind, life-giving boundaries that protect your energy, honor your values, and invite the right people closer.

This is your permission slip to start living a boundaried life with both grace and firmness.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Boundaries
• 2:17 Why High Achievers Struggle with Boundaries
• 9:56 Reframing Boundaries as Self-Respect
• 16:38 Setting Work Boundaries Without Fear
• 25:43 Relationship Boundaries: Protecting Your Peace
• 37:31 Time Boundaries: Creating Margin
• 47:54 Living a Boundary-Rich Life

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Bella Grace podcast, where we are helping high achievers break free from mindsets, behaviors and addictions that are holding them back from reaching their true potential, so that they can reclaim their time, their energy and build a life that they truly love. And this week we're doing that by talking about boundaries. Have you ever said yes when you really wanted to say no or felt guilty for just needing space? Boundaries aren't about being rude or distant. They're about respect For others, yes, but specifically for yourself. Welcome to the podcast episode all about boundaries in action. I'm Teresa Mitchell. I am a freedom, mindset and recovery coach, and this week we're digging into boundaries Not just a concept but a practice, because setting boundaries is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and the people around you. Today we're starting with a mindset shift. Boundaries are self-respect in action. So what are boundaries? Boundaries are the lines that you draw to protect your time, your energy and your peace, because those are resources that you can't get back. Once they're gone, they're gone, and then you have to work really hard to make up for the time lost, the energy lost or the peace that was lost. They're not about controlling others. They're about honoring yourself. So sometimes we mistake boundaries for control issues, or oh, she's just trying to control him, them, whatever. But no, it's about honoring yourself and where you are in your life right now. Boundaries create clarity in relationships, work and your own expectations. Every time you set a boundary, you affirm your worth.

Speaker 1: 2:18

So why do high achievers struggle with boundaries? I know I did for years. Number one is fear of being seen as selfish or difficult. No one wants to be a Karen and no offense if your name is Karen, I'm just going with the trend but nobody wants to be seen as difficult or selfish. So a lot of times we will break our own boundaries. We will do things that we aren't necessarily comfortable with, or we will stay out later than we want to or go to places that we don't usually frequent, because we don't want to be seen as selfish or difficult. But boundaries are important and we're going to dig into it.

Speaker 1: 3:01

Another reason why high achievers struggle with boundaries is they believe that saying no means letting someone down. So this is one that I, too, have struggled with friends Just because you say no to something doesn't mean that you're letting someone down. And the way that you avoid letting someone down by saying no is by clearly defining your boundaries ahead of time. When people know what to expect from you, they know what to expect from you and they're not going to be let down when you say no. Also, it gives you an opportunity to explain. I would love to go, but it's a little bit later than I'm comfortable staying out with. Could we shift it up an hour? If not, no worries, I'll catch y'all next time.

Speaker 1: 3:50

Another reason that high achievers struggle with boundaries is because they're tying their self-worth to being available or helpful. Without boundaries, you end up exhausted, resentful and disconnected from your needs. Boundaries aren't a rejection of others, they're a commitment to yourself. So first we've got to know what are we committing to? What does our self want? What do we want? What do we value? What do we hold as important?

Speaker 1: 4:24

So if you haven't done that work first, I want to encourage you to go back and figure out what your values are. What do you value? Do you value time with friends? Do you value time with family? Do you value your rest? Do you value your physical health, your mental health? Do you value vacation, relaxation? What do you hold most valuable in this world? If you don't know that. First go figure it out and then come back to this episode. Okay, so when was the last time you felt drained because you didn't set a boundary? Drop a comment. Drop a me too, something down in the comments or send me a direct message. All of my contact information is in the show notes, but I'd love to know when the last time was that you felt drained because you didn't set a boundary.

Speaker 1: 5:19

I was actually having a conversation with a friend about how, when we all get together as family, we tend to stay up late, and she and I both expressed how we both feel hungover after a late night, and she was telling me how she takes time out of the family, get together and goes and has some alone time. She's like I'm not mad at anybody, nobody has to go home, it's just me taking some me time because I get really tired. And I love that because we all need to know how we refill our own cups. Because if it's a situation where you're like, hey, I value time with family and I want my family to enjoy this time together, but I'm really tired and I know I need to go take a few minutes to myself, knowing how you refill your cup is important. That way you can take a step back, maybe take a few minutes, go reset and then come back to the group. Maybe it means going for a walk in the middle of a big project so that you can replenish your brain cells and then come back stronger and knock that project out, rather than dragging it out, being exhausted and it taking you three hours than you intended it to.

Speaker 1: 6:32

Okay, so let's talk about reframing boundaries as self-respect. Boundaries help you show up better because, like I said, you can't pour from an empty cup. So, if we're setting boundaries, we know where our limits are, we know when we're approaching them and we can take a step back and go refill our cup and then come back stronger than ever. Boundaries keep you aligned with your values. Saying no to what doesn't align lets you say yes to what does so. This goes back to knowing what your values are. If you have not sat down and really lined out what your values are, I encourage you to go back and do that first, because you're never going to know what to say yes or no to if you don't know what you value. Your values should be the guiding principles for your life.

Speaker 1: 7:26

Boundaries are a form of self-trust. Every boundary helps build trust in your ability to care for yourself. So remember every time you set a boundary and keep it, you show yourself that you can be trusted to care for yourself. And if we can't trust ourselves to care for ourselves, then how can we trust somebody else to care for us? So we gotta be taking care of ourself first and we gotta be able to trust ourself to take care of ourself, and boundaries help you do that.

Speaker 1: 7:58

Boundaries don't push people away. They invite the right people closer. I know that's a hard one. If your life is full, but it's full of the wrong people, places and things, then you aren't living a fulfilled life. There may be situations where you can't get rid of certain people. They're going to be in your life, but that doesn't mean that you can't make space for the right people in other situations. Maybe you don't get to choose your family, but you do get to choose your friends. You get to choose who you do life with. Maybe you do life with your church community instead of your family. That's okay. Boundaries don't push people away. They invite the right people to come closer. Now that we know what boundaries are, let's talk about saying no without fear. Have you ever felt like you were hired to be available 24-7? Well, I've got news for you. You were not hired to be available 24-7. You were hired for your skills, not your constant sacrifice.

Speaker 1: 9:12

Work boundaries are not career limiting. They are life-saving. As high achievers, we tend to tie our worth to our productivity, our performance and our perfection. How good are we at this? How well did we do? How much revenue did we produce? And when we tie our worth to performing or production or productivity, then we are setting ourselves up for burnout. So we need to remember that work boundaries are life-giving, not career limiting.

Speaker 1: 9:54

Now we're going into one of the hardest places to set boundaries. Work, yes, whether you're a leader, a veterinarian, a doctor, a admin assistant, a fill in the blank, a teacher, whatever fill in the blank. Then if you've ever felt guilty for saying no or felt like you can't stop giving at work, this section is for you. Tune in, pay attention. If you've zoned out into driving, bring your attention back, because we're going to talk about why work boundaries feel risky.

Speaker 1: 10:35

Number one is a fear of missing out on opportunities. We feel like if we stop striving, stop doing, stop grinding, then we're going to miss out on opportunities and, friend, that is so incorrect. If you are burned out, you are going to start dropping balls, you are going to start missing deadlines and that is going to mean missed opportunities. When you are well rested, when you are put together, when you're not starving or hangry, then you open the door for more opportunities because you are performing at your optimal level. But when we are tired, exhausted, burned out, fatigued, overwhelmed, we cannot perform at our optimal level because of all of those things. So we need to set some boundaries at work so that we have time to rest, time to replenish and time to refuel our cup.

Speaker 1: 11:35

Another reason boundaries feel risky at work is because we worry about being seen as lazy or uncommitted. If everyone else in the office is staying till eight o'clock at night and you check out at six, you might think that people might think that you are lazy or uncommitted, and they might on the surface. But guess what? Other people's opinions are none of your business. They are their opinions to do with what they want. So stop worrying about it, because when you come back tomorrow, well-rested, well-fed, not overwhelmed, not overstimulated, you are going to knock that project out of the park. You are going to care for those patients like no one else. You are going to be fully present and have the best bedside manner ever with your clients. So let's start setting those work boundaries and stop worrying about looking lazy and instead worrying about doing the best job that we can when we are at work, and that starts with taking care of yourself outside of work.

Speaker 1: 12:44

Another reason work boundaries feel risky is because we have a pressure to do it all to feel valuable. We think that if we don't say yes to every project, if we don't say yes to every client, if we don't say yes to every patient, every surgery, every fill in the blank, then we aren't valuable. And that is a lie, friends, a lie. You bring value to the table because of your skills, your knowledge and your resources. You cannot use your skills, your knowledge or your resources if you are overwhelmed, anxiety-ridden, completely depleted, starving, starving, hungover, fill in the blank. You need to be at your best possible self in order to be valuable. Doing everything for everyone all the time does not make you valuable. That makes you exhausted, so stop it. Yes, I went into mommy teresa mode. All of my daughter's friends call me Mommy Teresa. I just went into Mommy Teresa mode. Don't do that. There will be consequences and you will hate yourself for it. Don't do it.

Speaker 1: 13:55

Overworking isn't sustainable. It isn't. You have to take breaks. Burnout doesn't serve you, your clients, your team or anyone else around you. It especially doesn't benefit your family.

Speaker 1: 14:13

I spoke this weekend about my story with burnout and how I reclaimed my time and the strategies that I used to reclaim my time, and I shared how, when I was the most burned out, my family suffered the most. Now that I am not burned out, my family doesn't suffer as much. I'm still, to this day, trying to recover from the effects that my burnout had on my family. I learned habits. I learned reactions that I would have when I was burned out, and it has been a hard habit to break. Here is a real transparent moment for you. When I was burned out, my daughter called me mom dragon. I was snippy. I would bite their heads off if they asked me to do anything. I would bite their heads off for not doing stuff. I was just constantly biting heads off.

Speaker 1: 15:06

So to this day, it has been almost three years since I left the burnout situation that I was in and started to rebuild my life not burned out, but to this day, literally this weekend, my husband was like it would be really nice if your tone wasn't argumentative all the time and I don't think it was argumentative all the time, but you know glass houses and all but it made me sit and think about how I react to situations. Is my tone kind? Is my tone, does it come off as offensive? And it really made me sit back and think and do the hard work. And so now, before I say anything, before I respond, I stop and I think is this how burned out Teresa would respond? Or is this how relaxed, calm Teresa would respond? Because I was burned out for so long that communication patterns became my norm. Snippy, overwhelmed communication patterns became my norm. So now I have to stop, breathe and think about what I say before I say it. And I'm a work in progress. Just because I do this doesn't mean I have it all together. So this is just as much for me as it is for you.

Speaker 1: 16:26

Okay, so let's talk about some common work. Boundary violations and all of these I did at one point in time, and sometimes I still do, and I have to kind of slap myself on the hand and say, teresa, stop, what are you doing? Don't do that. Number one is answering emails after work hours. I have a coworker who turns off her notifications at five o'clock. We need to do that. There is nothing at work that can't wait till tomorrow.

Speaker 1: 16:59

Now I understand if you are in the healthcare profession. You might have to have your pager on, you might have to be on call. That is different. But when you are not actively responding to an emergency situation from work, then everything needs to be other focused Home work or home fun, family, friends, whatever outside of work looks like for you After a certain time of the day. It may not be five o'clock for you, especially if you're in the healthcare profession, but whatever after hours means to you, you need to have blocked time that is just for yourself. If you are on call and you know that, you know that you know that midnight is the witching hour and you're going to get calls at midnight, well then, let's try to set some time aside right before midnight to breathe, relax, do something that brings you joy, maybe do a puzzle, read a book, drink a cup of warm tea, something to give you some me time before crap hits the fan. Okay, that might also look like just setting aside some time when you know, okay, the pager hasn't gone off, I'm going to enjoy something for a few minutes. That way, when the pager goes off, I have spent some time for myself. And I don't mean mind numbing time. I don't mean smoking a joint, I don't mean drinking a beer, I don't mean doom scrolling on TikTok or Facebook or whatever. I mean something that truly brings you joy and relaxes you.

Speaker 1: 18:49

Another common work boundary violation is taking on tasks outside of your role. This one was a hard one for me. I had a coach tell me Teresa, if it's outside of your job description and it is going to deplete you, you seriously need to sit down and decide whether or not you can do this. Stop saying yes to everything. My coach called me yes, ma'am. She was like you say yes to everything before you think it through. So I have had to start sitting down, doing pros and cons what's going to? What is this going to take from me? What is this going to give me? And then going back to people and saying, hey, I'd love to take on this task, but it's a little bit outside of my bandwidth. Would it be possible to have a co-project coordinator on this with me? Would it be possible for me to bring in an outside agency to help me with this, but really analyzing, can I handle this task or not? Don't just automatically default to yes.

Speaker 1: 19:52

Another work boundary violation is skipping breaks or working through lunch. Your girl right here was notorious for this one. I used to eat lunch at my desk. I took my breaks at my desk. If I even took a break and I had to stop doing that, I literally had to stop eating at my desk because I would say that I wasn't working, but the notifications were still going off. I was still seeing the emails coming through, and so I would start eating faster so that I could get to the emails. That has to stop.

Speaker 1: 20:27

Your body needs time to enjoy and process the food so that you can go into relax and digest mode and actually digest your food properly. So that means not eating at your desk, not eating while you're watching TV, not eating while you're responding to an email. It means sitting down and eating quietly, enjoying your food. In this economy we spend way too much money on our food to be wasting it, not enjoying it and then properly digesting it. So it is time to actually take a lunch break, my friend, morning breaks and afternoon breaks are also essential. Your brain needs time to shut off. It needs something to look forward to. So if a 15 minute morning break and a 15 minute afternoon break are out of the question, why not start with five minutes? Spend five minutes walking around the hallways of your building. Spend five minutes getting out of the building.

Speaker 1: 21:31

If you have back-to-back clients and getting out for 15 minutes is not feasible, how about you take a break two, three minutes between clients, between patients, and just go outside and stare up at the sun? Close your eyes, stare up at the sun, get some vitamin D on that face. It's not only going to help you feel more refreshed right now, but it's also going to help you sleep better tonight. The science behind like melatonin production and vitamin D in the sun is fascinating and I won't get into that right now, but it does help you sleep at night. So why can't you just take 30 seconds to two minutes? Go outside, close your eyes and stare up at the sun. Two minutes go outside, close your eyes and stare up at the sun. You'll thank me later.

Speaker 1: 22:21

It doesn't have to be huge, monumental changes, but we do have to start taking our breaks and eating lunch sitting down, not in fight or flight mode. If you stand up while you're eating lunch, guess what? Your brain thinks? That you might be being chased by a lion and you're going to have to make a run for it any second. So we need to sit down and eat in a quiet location, enjoy your food so that you can rest and digest properly during your meal breaks. Which one of these boundaries gets pushed the most for you at work? Are you a yes ma'am? Are you skipping your breaks? Are you taking on tasks outside of your role? Are you answering emails or phone calls after work hours? Let me know. I want to know which one is your biggest struggle. Okay, so how to say no without fear?

Speaker 1: 23:17

Number one is clarify your limits. Know what you're available for and what you're not available for. This goes back to your values. You should have values at work. You should have values at home. What are your values? Know what your limits are. Use clear words, kind, concise language. I can't take this on right now, but here's what I can offer. I'm not available after 6 pm, but I'll follow up first thing in the morning. Clear, concise, straight to the point, but kind communication about your boundaries. Don't go into a lengthy explanation. You don't have to. If you want to or feel so inclined, go for it. But just clear, concise, kind language Will do wonders for setting boundaries and helping people understand what your boundaries are. And the more clear you are, the more you allow them the space to respect your boundaries.

Speaker 1: 24:25

Number three is set expectations early. Proactively communicate your availability and capacity. I always like to do this in the interview process. I let them know up front that I am unavailable after 6 pm unless I have early notice. If you tell me ahead of time that I'm going to have to stay late for some project or some whatever fill in the blank, I can plan for that. But I cannot handle last minute schedule changes after six o'clock. All day long you can move me around wherever you want, but if you are going to expect me to give of my time that is dedicated to my family, I need early notice of that. But you've got to start communicating your availability and your capacity early so that people aren't blindsided by your boundaries.

Speaker 1: 25:20

Let go of guilt is number four. Your worth isn't tied to constantly being available. Saying no at work isn't selfish. It's how you stay effective, focused and well Okay. So now let's shift gears and dig into relationship boundaries, protecting your peace with the people that you love. You can love people deeply and still need space. You can care for them and still say no. Boundaries in relationships don't create distance, they create respect. Okay, so relationship boundaries protect your peace without pushing people away, because the people you love shouldn't cost you your health, your energy or your sanity. Friends.

Speaker 1: 26:15

So why are relationship boundaries so hard? Number one is the fear of hurting other people's feelings. I get this. When I had family that was still using drugs and alcohol to cope with life, I had to set some very clear boundaries. I love you, I just can't have you in my house right now. That was scary. I didn't want to hurt their feelings. But when I approached it from a place of, hey, I'm trying really hard to stay sober and I'm working really hard and the few belongings that I have I've worked really hard for and look, I love you and I want you around, but the people that you're hanging out with I just can't have them in my house. So if you want to swing by by yourself for a few minutes, I'd be happy. I would so enjoy sitting on the back porch with you. That is a way to avoid hurting someone's feelings while also respecting your boundaries.

Speaker 1: 27:20

Another reason relationship boundaries are so hard is because there is guilt around saying no to family, friends and partners. There is. We think that we should be there for them. We were made for community and when we set boundaries it can feel like we're pushing them away. But remember, boundaries don't create space. They create space for or they don't create distance. They create space for respect, honor and closeness. Okay, so another reason relationship boundaries are hard is because we confuse boundaries with rejection.

Speaker 1: 27:59

We might think that because someone has a boundary of not staying out past 10 pm that they are rejecting hanging out with us. That's not the truth. The truth is they value their rest and their relaxation, so they are going to be home by 10 pm in bed and going to be rock stars tomorrow. It's not that they don't want to hang out with you, it's just that they don't stay out past 10. I'm that way. I had friends over this weekend and I was dying at midnight I was like, oh, I'm so sleepy. I made a sacrifice because I really, really wanted to be there for my friends and it was meaningful, meaningful conversations. But typically they know I don't stay up past 10 o'clock. My husband knows I don't stay up past 10 o'clock. At about 9.30, he's like, okay if our show ends at 9.30,. He's like, well, I know you don't have another episode in you, so how about we go to the room and I'll watch my stories? And I'm like, yes, let's do it. And he goes and he puts on his news shows and all the things he loves to watch and I pass out in the bed.

Speaker 1: 29:09

But it really is about not confusing it with rejection, but as self-respect for the person who is setting the boundary and seeing that they are respecting you enough to set boundaries. They are sharing their boundaries. So let's do the same. Let's share our boundaries clearly and let's respect ourselves by holding to our own boundaries. So boundaries don't mean that you love them less. It means that you love yourself enough to honor your limits. And that is healthy, my friends. That is healthy living and that is our goal. Okay.

Speaker 1: 29:50

So some signs that you need stronger relationship boundaries. You feel resentful after saying yes, yeah, you say yes to someone and then you're like ugh, they're always making me do things I don't want to. They're always asking me to go to places I don't want to go. Those resentful feelings are a sign that you need to be setting clearer relationship boundaries with that person and you need to be communicating those boundaries better with that person so that they know what your boundaries are. Another sign that you need stronger relationship boundaries is that you avoid certain people to protect your energy. So avoiding is not the answer. We need to be communicating clearly what our boundaries are. If someone crosses your boundary, let's let them know. Hey, I love hanging out with you, but whenever you bring pot around, it makes me really uncomfortable and I'm at a place where I don't want to be around that. So would it be possible for you to kind of keep that at home when we hang out? See, now I don't have to avoid them. Now I can hang out with this person that I enjoy hanging out with because I have communicated my boundaries clearly.

Speaker 1: 31:16

Another sign that you need stronger relationship boundaries is that you are over explaining your choices. So we feel like we have to explain why we are doing certain things. When you have healthy boundaries and you are communicating your boundaries to people, you don't need to over explain. They understand who you are and what you value, and they understand your boundaries. They understand who you are and what you value, and they understand your boundaries. So if you aren't communicating your boundaries properly, a sign is that you feel the need to over-explain your choices.

Speaker 1: 31:52

Number four is feeling responsible for other people's emotions. I've said this over and over and over, over and over and over you are not a taco. You are not made to make everyone happy. You are not responsible for how other people feel. You are not responsible for their emotions. You are not responsible for what makes them mad, glad, happy, sad. We cannot control how people react to stuff. We can only control how we react and respond to stuff. So a way to circumvent hard, bad emotions is to communicate your boundaries ahead of time. That way, they don't get their feelings hurt when you decline an invitation four weekends in a row to hang out at 10 pm.

Speaker 1: 32:43

The key is communication. Which one of these have you experienced recently? Let me know, shoot me a message, drop it in the comments on Spotify, youtube, wherever you're listening. I would love to know which one you have experienced recently and let's start working through that together. Okay, so how to set relationship boundaries with love.

Speaker 1: 33:08

Number one clarify what's draining you. Is it constant request? Is it emotional dumping? Is it disrespect? We need to. We need to communicate clearly what they did to drain you and how you together can fix that in the future. If they are constantly asking you for things hey, susan, I love hanging out, but every time we hang out I feel like you're just asking me for stuff and right now I'm not at a place where I can give anymore. So could we possibly work on that together? Maybe I can help you brainstorm some ideas and some people who could help you with that. But we need to clarify what's draining us, because if we can't tell ourselves what is draining us, we can't communicate that to other people.

Speaker 1: 34:03

Number two is communicate clearly and kindly. I care about you, but I can't fill in the blank. I care about you, but I can't go to dinner tonight because I had a really tough case today and when I have a really tough case I like to take time for myself to kind of refuel my cup, replenish, relax, so that I can handle the day tomorrow. Another one is I'm not available for that, but I can be here in this way. I can't go with you to dinner tonight, but I would love to send you a care package. Can you please send me your address. I know you're going through a tough breakup, but I can't be there right now. So is there another way that I could show you that I love you?

Speaker 1: 34:53

Let go of managing their response. You can't control their feelings. You can only control your clarity. So again, you are not a taco. You are not made to make everybody happy. You cannot control how they feel about situations. You can't make them feel a different way. We cannot control other people's feelings and emotions at all At all. To think that you can is narcissistic behavior, grandiose, and it makes you sound like you're God. God is the only person. God is the only person who has the control to influence our emotions and even then he doesn't try to control them. So you can only control your clarity, your communication, the words that you say and how you set your boundaries. You've got to remember to hold the line. Boundaries don't stick if you don't honor them. Boundaries don't stick if you don't honor them. Healthy relationships thrive on clear boundaries, not blurred ones. When you have blurred boundaries, everyone is in total dysfunction all the time. We've got to have clear boundaries. I have a boundary of X, so when you request X, I can do Y instead, but I cannot do X. Okay, so we need to make sure that we are communicating our boundaries and hold on to them, because, remember, when we show ourselves that we can be trusted to respect our boundaries, then we build trust with ourselves.

Speaker 1: 36:37

Okay, so now I want to talk about one of the things that I struggle with most and have to work on constantly Time boundaries Creating margin for what matters most. If everything is urgent, nothing is important. Your time is your life, and when you protect it, you create space for what truly matters. This section is all about time boundaries. This is something that I teach on all the time and it is something that I work on all the time Because, as I said, I built some very unhealthy habits when I was burned out, and it takes constant work to make sure that I don't fall back into those unhealthy habits. Just like I'm in recovery for drugs and alcohol and have to do the work constantly, I also have to do the work for being in recovery from burnout. Okay, so how to stop living in urgency mode and start creating margin for things that actually matter to you, because your time is your most valuable, non-renewable asset. Let's treat it like it.

Speaker 1: 37:46

Why do we struggle with time boundaries. Number one is the fear of missing out. I always laugh because my husband has the worst photo, or FOMO. Sorry Photo is the fear of disappointing others. Fomo is the fear of missing out. He has the worst FOMO and I love him for it, but he hates to miss out on experiences. So that is a root cause of why we struggle with time boundaries, because we don't want to miss out on anything. Fun opportunities fill in the blank. And so we've got to let go of that fear of missing out, because if we try to do everything, we're going to be too burned out to do anything.

Speaker 1: 38:29

Another reason we struggle with time boundaries is the belief that being busy equals being valuable. I fell into this one for so long. I thought that I had to be busy to be valuable. I thought that I had to prove that I was momming well, working well, schooling well, businessing well by constantly being busy with all of those things. But if I'm momming, businessing, schooling and working constantly, where am I Teresa-ing? Where am I making time for the things that make me me? Where am I putting the time to focus on myself? And so we've got to let go of the busyness and start filling our time with things that are actually meaningful.

Speaker 1: 39:21

We also struggle with time boundaries because there's a guilt around resting or taking personal time. It is okay to rest. It is not just okay, it is essential. We have to start resting. We have to start doing things that bring us true joy, so that we can perform and do and work and be at our optimal level. Productivity doesn't define your worth and constant busyness doesn't build a meaningful life, friends. So some signs that you need better time boundaries. Number one your calendar is full, but you still feel empty. Your soul feels empty. You are working, eating, sleeping. Repeat that's no way to live. We need to have, if we're going to have a full calendar, we also need to have a calendar that is beautiful, that is meaningful, that is replenishing everything. Because if it is just full for the sake of being full and we aren't putting ourselves on the calendar, we aren't scheduling quiet time, we aren't scheduling relaxed time, then we are constantly going to feel empty. Our soul is going to feel empty.

Speaker 1: 40:39

Sign number two is you say yes before checking your capacity. This doesn't mean saying yes before you check your availability. Availability and capacity are two totally different things. You might be available to say yes, but do you have the capacity to say yes? Do you have the mental, emotional, physical energy to do the tasks that you're being asked to do? Before we ever check our availability, we need to check our capacity to say yes. Do we have the mental, emotional, spiritual fuel to say yes to this thing? And if the answer is no we don't have the fuel then the answer to the request needs to be no and we need to use that time in our calendar to refuel ourselves so that the next request is a yes, because we have the capacity to do it.

Speaker 1: 41:43

Number three is you have no time for yourself, but you're always available for others. If you look at your calendar and the last time you got your nails did, the last time you got a foot rub, the last time you went to the spa, the last time you went to go play golf, the last time that you went for a walk, the last time that you did something that you truly enjoyed was months ago then it is time to put yourself back on the calendar and you need to stop being there for others so that you can be there for yourself. Because, remember, if we aren't taking care of ourselves, how are we going to keep going? We're not. We're going to burn out and we're going to fall out. And then who's going to be there for the other people in our lives? Not us, because we're going to be laid up in a hospital bed or laid up somewhere needing to be medicated. Okay, and I know I'm being funny, but it's serious. And I am serious because I have been laid up in the bed, not able to do another single thing, because I was so fatigued, overwhelmed and just burned out. Don't get there. Put yourself on the calendar before you are there. For others, maybe it's 10 minutes in the morning to have some quiet time on the back patio with your cup of coffee. That is all it takes A few minutes on yourself before you go. Be there for others. Trust me, you will thank me for doing it, for suggesting this, and you'll thank yourself for doing it later.

Speaker 1: 43:16

Okay, so another sign that you need better time boundaries is that you feel anxious about your to-do list every single day. I actually worked with a client today and she said I don't know what to do. I feel overwhelmed, I feel like I'm never able to get anything done. I just don't know what to do with my life. So I sat down with her and said, okay, what do you want to do with your life? And I said what are the things that you need to get done? And she started listing out all the things on her to-do list and I said, okay, this one, this one, this one and this one are going to help with your mental health. This one, this one, this one and this one are going to help with your physical health. This one, this one, this one, this one are to-dos. This one, this one and this one is going to has to do with your space, which is going to help with your mental health because it's going to clear that physical clutter in your house. And so we walked through a plan to put herself on the calendar in ways that will help build and protect her mental health, help build and protect her physical health, and then will also help her knock things off of her to-do list. So for the next seven days, she has a clear cut plan to work through that to-do list so that she isn't overwhelmed and anxious about it every single day when she wakes up, and she has an actionable plan to get through it. So what's one thing that you're constantly giving time to that drains. You Drop it in the comments, shoot me a message and let's talk about it.

Speaker 1: 44:56

Okay, so let's talk about how to create margin for what matters. Number one is define your priorities, kind of like I did with my client what are the top three things that matter most to you each week? List them out, literally list them out. If you just have them rolling around in your head, they're going to continue to roll around in your head and bounce off the walls of your mind and distract you from all of the other things. So get them out, define your priorities. What are the top three things that matter most to you this week? And then repeat that exercise each week. Number two is audit your time. Where is your time currently going? What's aligned and what's not? So this goes back to knowing what your values are. What is taking up your time? Does it align with your values or doesn't it? Can you delegate it to someone else? Can you ask someone else to help you with it? If it doesn't align with your values, we need to figure out how to either reduce that amount of time on your calendar or feel supported by getting some outside support to get it done.

Speaker 1: 46:08

Number three is schedule white space, block time for rest, creativity or breathing room. This weekend, when I was doing my time management workshop, I actually talked about how, when I start to feel overwhelmed, I literally lay on the floor in my living room and just relax. No music, no, nothing. Just silence me on the floor. It's my breathing room and I try to schedule it in on a regular basis. But I have also learned to listen to the cues that my body is sending me and when I start to feel my heart race, when my mind starts to go crazy, I just lay down on the floor and take some breathing space.

Speaker 1: 46:54

So number four is say no to good things that aren't great things. Not every opportunity or request deserves a yes. I always say if it's not a hell yes, then it's a no. If it's a eh maybe, then it should be a no. We've got to stop saying yes to good things so that we can say hell yes to great things. Time boundaries help you live intentionally and not reactively. So we need to start intentionally living so that we don't have to react to oh crap. Moments because we didn't make time for ourselves. So when we make time for ourselves, we can handle things in stride, we have energy, we are replenished and when oh crap moments happen, we have the energy, the space and the time to deal with that.

Speaker 1: 47:49

Okay, so finally, let's talk about living a boundary life gracefully and firmly. You don't have to choose between kindness and boundaries. You can live with both. You can love others and protect your peace at the same time. So let's wrap up today by talking about how to live a boundary life gracefully and firmly, without apology, because boundaries aren't just something that you've set once and forget about it. It's not a crock pot. You just don't set it and forget about it. They are a lifestyle, a way of showing up in the world that honors both you and the people around you. So the balance of grace and firmness. Boundaries are the strongest when they're held with love, not fear. Grace says I see your humanity and firmness says I still honor mine. So we can see someone where they are, we can see their humanity, we can see them for the person that they are, while still honoring our boundaries. Living boundary means you respect yourself enough to say no and respect others enough to be honest. So it goes back to that communication piece. We need to respect our own values and boundaries, but also be honest with people about the boundaries that we are setting.

Speaker 1: 49:23

So my friend that I was saying goes and takes a nap during family get togethers. My daughter does the same thing Her and one of her friends too. So this, I think, is a common thing. I think this is common for anyone who is an extroverted introvert. They do good at being in social situations, but they know when they need to go reset. So my daughter will randomly just disappear from her party and she's in her room taking a nap and she says I'll be out in 15 minutes. If someone doesn't know that about her, they might get offended and leave the party and be like oh well, she left all of her guests out here, but all of her good friends, they know what she's doing and in fact a couple of her friends will sit outside the door and stand guard so that nobody goes in and disrupts her. But the reason that that happens is because she has clearly stated her boundaries. She needs me time from time to time. I have a cousin that is the same way. She needs her me time from time to time. And it's not that she's mad, it's not that she wants you to leave. She wants you to stay in her house and enjoy the food and the family and the music, but she's going to go take a break.

Speaker 1: 50:43

So when we set our boundaries and communicate our boundaries, we are showing others that we respect them enough to be honest about what we need and what we want. So some challenges of maintaining boundaries long term is people start testing your limits, people start testing your limits. They will, and we have to remember, hold the line. Another challenge is your own guilt or second guessing yourself Again. Once you are clear with your values, you have to stand firm on that. Know who you are, know what you value, know what you want, know what you're going to say yes and say no to.

Speaker 1: 51:27

Life changes require boundary adjustments. So as life changes, we have to take a step back and analyze whether or not we need to adjust some boundaries. When I quit drinking, I had to adjust my boundaries Things that I was okay with prior to me quitting drinking. I had to put boundaries around and that caused some friction, but I had to hold firm and know that as life changes, that means adjusting boundaries. Boundaries need consistency, communication and self-compassion. What has been your biggest challenge in keeping a boundary over time? Okay.

Speaker 1: 52:13

So another way that we can live a boundary life every day so this is every day. We just talked about long-term, but let's talk about every day. Let's do a weekly check-in what's working, what's not and then adjust with grace. And next is communicate clearly, early and often. Don't wait until resentment builds. Communicate your boundaries early, clearly and often. Another way that we can live a boundary life every day is to hold your boundaries even when it's hard.

Speaker 1: 52:55

Remember your why. Remember why you set this boundary and respect and repeat your truth. Tell yourself your why. Remind yourself of what happens if you break your boundary. I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow. I'm going to feel like crap. I am not going to be able to handle this project. Remind yourself of your why and repeat that truth to yourself. Celebrate your growth. Every time you hold a boundary, you build trust with yourself, so celebrate it. Remember boundaries aren't about distance. They're about direction toward the life that you were meant to live. If any of this resonated with you or helped you, I'd love to hear from you. So drop a comment, shoot me a message, let me know and until next week, be well, be kind, and may you find some joy this week. Bye.