Soft Animal Anarchy + A Vision for True Self-Partnership

In this episode, I’m diving deep into what it really means to trust ourselves—like, truly, deeply, in a way that you can feel in your bones. I talk about how self-trust isn’t just a nice idea, but the foundation for knowing when to push forward and when to give yourself a break. I share my own struggles with consistency (and how it’s definitely not about being perfect), and why honoring our human needs matters so much, especially in a world that’s always pushing us to do more.

We’ll get into the messy, beautiful reality of self-care—how sometimes we only let ourselves rest when we’ve hit a wall, and how we can start to change that. I’ll also talk about the cycles of energy and capacity we all go through, and why it’s totally normal not to be “on” all the time.

Plus, I’ll share why it’s so powerful to let others in on what you need, and how community can help us all show up as our fullest selves. My hope is that you’ll walk away from this episode feeling a little more seen, a little more trusting of yourself, and a lot more willing to center your own well-being.

Here are some moments you might want to jump to:

• 0:00 Why I call this “soft animal anarchy” and what’s changing for me
• 2:10 The tension between productivity and honoring our bodies
• 5:28 The cycle of burnout and “emergency self-care”
• 8:15 My lifelong struggle with consistency (& why it’s not about perfection)
• 13:29 How to cooperate with your body instead of fighting it
• 16:29 Why honesty about your capacity is a radical act
• 21:09 The real meaning of self-trust and how it changes everything
• 25:20  How our needs and capacity ebb and flow (& that’s okay)
• 30:20 Centering this work in your life and community

xo

You can't stay on your own side if you don't know what your needs are in the first place. Tend is a 12-week season where you'll learn to notice and name your needs, build unshakeable trust that they're legitimate, and stay by your own side, even when everything in you wants to self-abandon. 

Spring cohort starts March 27, doors close March 20—join me at maraglatz

Transcript

1:21

Hello everyone. Welcome back to even here, even now, a needy podcast with Mara Glatzel. It has been a little while and that is so apt for today's topic, which I am referring to as soft animal anarchy and. this morning I was sending a message to somebody and I said, I don't know. The soft animal of my body is just staging some sort of revolution where I am no longer able to do things the way that I have done them before. I'm no longer able to push through, push myself aside to. Kind of batten down the hatches, Batten down the needs of my physical self, of my spiritual self, my emotional self, in order to be a productive member of society. Now, this doesn't mean that I don't do things. I do plenty of things. I am a mother of children. I am a coach. I'm a teacher. I'm a writer. Just barely. These days, I am a community activist here in my town. I do a lot of work around affordable housing. I'm president of the PTA. I am involved in a fair amount of things and also the ways that I used to approach everything that I approach are no longer available to me. And I think this is a really common feeling and it's a feeling that we tend to associate with burnout. We've talked a lot about burnout here on this podcast and in my work at large, but today we're not gonna talk about burnout explicitly. We are gonna talk about what happens when your mind. And your social conditioning have one plan and your body has quite another. And I think that this is a really salient topic for where we are here at the beginning of August, and I'm recording this for you, live on, August 8th, which is a Lions Gate portal in a place where we, might choose to. Set some intentions, cast some spells, weave some new ways of being into existence through our very words. And I wanted to do some of that here with all of you in this podcast episode because here's the thing, you are a human in a human body. And yet, and also many of us. Move about our lives. I don't wanna say ignorant to that fact. I don't wanna say that that fact is unconscious or pushed underground. but certainly divided from that truth for very important reasons, right? For productivity reasons. Because acknowledging the full breadth of our humanity, acknowledging the aliveness of, of our human form, of our bodies is inconvenient. To productivity is inconvenient to the systems and structures of oppression that exist to capitalism to. White supremacy to the many, many, many ways that we are socialized to wind ourselves up and set ourselves about our to-do lists and to perform and to create tangible expressions of our labor so that we can be good so that other people can cheer us, so that we can be paid, so that we can put food on the table, pay our mortgages, and so on and so forth. All of this is really familiar. And, and I know that for many of us, this is becoming increasingly challenging to do. It is becoming increasingly difficult to divide ourselves from our bodies, to have our heads over here walking and talking and creating and being brilliant. And our bodies over there languishing somewhere out of reach somewhere. Without acknowledgement or tending. Pausing here to look around for my water bottle. Speaking of my human form, um, let's take this, just take a sip of water together, right? Let's start here. So what happens when you are a person on the planet with things to do? And also you are a person on the planet, in a human body that gets tired, that has needs, that are inconvenient, that, is burnt out or in some varying degree on the spectrum of burnout that wants to slow down, that wants to lay down, that wants to resist the breakneck speed that has been forced upon it. How do we find ourselves in this space? Because here's what I know after having done this work for, quite some time, I know that the world needs us. The world needs you. The world needs me too, to be well, to keep showing up. To keep bringing soup to neighbors who are sick, to keep advocating for the needs of my community at meetings, to keep tending to my clients, to keep the structure and the consistency that builds trust in my community. The world needs me, but anything that I pour myself into, if I'm not well while I'm doing it. And by, well, I do mean physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Then everything that I'm trying to do is inherently unsustainable'cause it's unstable, right? I in that state, I will be in this kind of roller coaster of going, going, going, going, going crashing, filling myself up just enough to get back to work, working, working, working, working, working. Crashing cycle starts again. That cycle of emergency self-care that keeps us just on the side of being able to perform, but never really robustly filling our cups. And I spend a lot of time thinking about the multitude of ways in which that cycle robs us of one another. Robs our communities of vital. And influential humans can make a difference, right on small scale every single day.'cause we're so tired because we're caught in this old model of doing until we literally can't do anymore. And only then giving to ourselves. And when things start to get better, taking away those very things that we had offered to ourselves to. Yeah, get better, to feel better, to feel more like ourselves. And so inherently our own care for ourselves, our own love for ourselves, becomes something that is inconsistent. Something that we earn by crashing out something that we only get to receive when things are really, really bad, and so things get really, really bad so that we can receive it. Right, and I wanna plot out an entirely different pattern of how we can relate to ourselves. One that is consistent, and I'm sighing because you know how it's not complicated, but the answer, the medicine is the thing that you just haven't wanted to do. For your whole freaking life. I feel that way about consistency. There's so many things that I have done that I have made valiant efforts towards, and I've done fine for a while. And then, the moment passes and I stopped doing that thing. And then I, I look at the thing and I'm like, well, it didn't work anyway, right? Because I did it for a period of time and it didn't completely change my life in that short period of time. And so then I. Damned it as not being worth my energy and my attention and stopped doing it. And so thereby never really reaping the benefits of consistency. I find consistency to feel like a little box that I don't wanna be trapped in. I remember when I was a little kid. I got contact lenses. I was in third grade and I practiced putting my contacts in and taking them out of the eye doctor, and I brought them home. And I was just overcome by this feeling that this tiny little feeling, big feeling for a tiny person, um, feeling that I was gonna have to take my contacts out and put them back in every single day for the rest of my life. And that feeling was terrible. It felt like being closed in, being penned in felt so all or nothing, and. I didn't, I barely had the words for it at the time, but I think about it so often because of how strong the feeling was in me as such a small person and as a kid who, you know, kids aren't necessarily hip to. Um, the, the consistency and the daily routines of these are, I'm gonna make my bed every day. I'm gonna floss my teeth every day for the rest of my life. And so it was one of the first times where I really thought about do I really have a minute, one minute to devote to this every single day for the rest of my life? And of course, I don't really wear contacts now, so it's a moot point. But the feeling that black or white feeling that all or nothing feeling about consistency still lives inside of me. And maybe about, I think it was a year ago. It was about a year ago now. I remember that I was bemoaning to my sister about how there was something in my life that I really wanted to change. And I heard myself saying, I have tried absolutely everything. I have done absolutely everything. And a little voice inside of me said, except for. Just doing the thing over and over again for a long time, consistently showing up for it for a long time. And it was true. It was true. I had thought about it. I had talked about it. I had, flirted with it. I had done it several times on several different occasions, but I had not. Made a true commitment to it had not made a true, consistent, effort to that end. And so a new relationship with consistency was born. And I think the thing that we need to consider when it comes to consistency is that if we are to create a vision for a cooperative model. Between us and our bodies, between our minds and our bodies, where nothing is extracted or exploited. If we are to craft a new vision for what that reunification, what that harmony between our mental and our physical selves might look like. A part of what is required is. Consistent care and tending a part of what is required is the willingness to bring our bodies with us, and the challenge is that our mind moves so quickly. Our bodies are really slow technology. Like ancient technology and our minds move really quickly, really speedy. They're already, out the gate, down the block, five years, 10 years, dancing all around here and there, and the body is just sort of starting to stretch, just starting to come online, just starting to assess. And so if we think about that reunification and we think about what it might look like to cooperate. With our bodies, it means we're gonna have to slow down and we're definitely not going to want to, but we need to. We need to do less. We need to be more focused on saying, only saying yes to the things that we both genuinely want to do. Or genuinely need to do, but certainly genuinely have the capacity to do, especially when it comes to making commitments or promises to other people. If we are to step into this new vision, into this cooperative model where nothing is extracted or exploited, we have to learn how to be honest about the outer limits of our capacity, about our needs. We have to develop a working understanding of both where we are now in the the most hyper current moment and also what we we require in order to be well under whatever circumstance we are imagining. So this kind of tender stewardship requires awareness. And it can be challenging for us to climb back into our bodies. It can cha be challenging for us to be in our bodies for so many truly valid reasons. And so I'm not necessarily saying that you have to do this all at once, but, and this is the reconnection that is necessary for this new vision. We have to sync. Back down our necks, past our collarbone, into the center of our body, down our limbs, bringing our awareness throughout our physical form, bringing our attention to the visceral feeling of what it is like to live inside of our skin. The willingness to be honest with ourselves about what we see there and what we need, whether or not we have the capacity, bandwidth, or space in our schedule to meet those needs in the moment. Gone are the days, hear me say it, say it with me. Gone are the days that we look at our to-do lists, and then we look at our bodies and we tell ourselves who and how we have to be because of what we have to do that day. I wanna just radically urge you to completely reconfigure that understanding, to torn turn towards yourself first. I do not fucking care what is on your to list. Turn towards yourself first and operate from that place. If there are things on your list that you cannot change or push aside and you are not doing well. I want you to take your awareness of how you truly are doing and bring that to whatever it is that is on your list. So let's say for example, I wake up and I check in with myself, and I am struggling for, a multitude of reasons and I have a really big presentation, or I'm teaching a workshop or a class. And I can't change that. Right. Even though, you know, I mean, I have an agreement with myself that if I'm unwell, I do change those things mostly because I want to make sure that I am taking my felt experience into account so that I'm not exploiting or extracting from myself. And I also wanna make sure that when I offer my support to somebody else, I do so. When I have capacity to, and I don't force myself. Um, but that's kind of an aside. I could record another podcast interview about that if you're interested, another podcast episode. But when we take ourselves into account, then we look at whatever it is that's on our calendar, and we ask ourselves, what do I need in order to do that? Well, what do I need in order to do that? Well. What can I feed myself? How can I hydrate myself? How can I move my body before or after? What support do I need in order to show up for what is on my plate and do it well by, well, I don't mean with excellence though. Hey, that could be on the table, but by well, I do mean that I am. Well, while I am doing it. Because the underpinning to this is this idea not only am I a person with needs, not only do my needs matter, but also that my felt experience of my life matters. Which means it's not just about dollars and cents earned or lives impacted, or how much I tangibly produced, but for me, how I feel while I am doing the thing is one of the metrics that I track. Right, because I'm invested in this cooperative model where nothing is extracted or exploited. The cool thing about this is that the more awareness that we gather about ourselves in context, the, the easier these conversations become and the more kind of data points we have available to us, I now know. With a fair amount of accuracy. I can predict with a fair amount of accuracy how I am going to feel in and around most of the events in my regular life. I know how I'm going to feel in and around, the multitude of kind of emotional or relational experiences that I might have. Right. I know what my triggers are. I know what disregulates me. I know what I typically want and need when I'm triggered or dysregulated, right? The more that I am in communication with myself, the more easily I have access to this library of data so I can know like, Hey, okay, that thing is happening again. That pattern showing up. You're feeling this kind of way. How about we try. You know, taking yourself out to the garden to do some weeding. How about we try getting in the bath? How about we try phoning a friend? How about we try, um, you know, rubbing your hand on your sternum? How about we try drinking some water? The more information we gather, the more awareness that we have, the better equipped we are to be in self partnership, to be the tender stewards of our very bodies and also our lives. That our lives are an extension of us, right? So the more data and awareness that we have, the more that we are able to do everything that we are doing well, meaning that we are well when we are doing it right, or in and around and after. And all of this rebuilds our trust. And so, you know, back to the consistency piece. The number one thing that rebuilds trust is consistency. And by consistency I do not mean perfection. I do not mean that you are doing everything perfectly exactly as you have committed it to yourself, but I do mean that you're standing by yourself in the process, right? So let's say I commit to myself that I'm going to walk a mile every day. And, just as like a random commitment, that's not a commitment I've made, but walk a mile every day and I'm able to do it. I'm able to do it. I'm able to do it. except one day I wake up and I, I shattered my ankle. So my ankle periodically hurts. Profoundly and, especially when the pressure changes or it's gonna rain, or after I've done certain kinds of physical activities. So let's say I wake up one of these mornings and my ankle just hurts so bad, and I know I'm gonna break my commitment to myself around my one mile walk. Now the old model is. I break my commitment and now like what? I don't walk anymore. I was a walker. Now I'm not a walker. I have to be walking every day perfectly in this exact kind of way, or I'm doing nothing right. This all or nothing thinking, but staying by our own side, being consistent in our self partnership is very different than being perfect in our action. Being consistent in our self partnership looks like saying to yourself like, Hey, self. I'm not gonna be able to do that thing today. How about we something else movement related, if that's what feels called for, or how about we wrap our ankle in ice and rest today and see how we feel tomorrow? Right? Not breaking the contact, not breaking the relationship, just because some inconsistency has been introduced. You're human, you're not gonna be able to do everything perfectly, and that doesn't mean you shouldn't make commitments to yourself. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't endeavor to be consistent with yourself, but instead of the consistency being the thing, I wanna implore you to welcome the consistency into the strength of the tether between you and yourself. Between your mental self and your physical self, between you and all of your many parts so that you are able to both be hyper current with your now body and honest with yourself, and not just ghost the things that you say that you want, the things that you say that you need, the things that are important to you because you are unable to do the thing as you had planned in this moment. And so bringing that consistency into that self partnership, into your relationship with yourself, which has to do with how you talk to and about yourself, and much less to do with all of the things that you do do. Although you know, hey, aiming to be consistent in those actions, like never, never, uh, run you astray. But these are for the moments where you can't be consistent with your actions. How can you be consistent with your relationship with yourself? And all of this is what builds the trust. And so, you know, I'm gonna bring that trust full circle.'cause I think we don't, we pay a lot of lip service to self-trust and we don't necessarily, understand because for many of us, it's not, it's not an embodied experience. Self-trust, like true, deep, profound. Radiant foundation of like what it actually feels like to operate from a foundation of self-trust is not an embodied experience that many of us have, nor is it particularly something that we are seeing role model to us. And so it seems, it can seem like, it's a lot of work to get there and I don't know what it's gonna be like when I get there. Is it gonna be, make anything any better? And I, as I'm casting this vision for us, I really wanna stand here and say. Yes, it does make things so much better, and here's why. Having a, a foundation of self-trust enables me to know without a shadow of a doubt, when to push and when to hold. It enables me the ability to know how to push and how to hold so that it is truly supportive. And generative and nourishing. For me, this is a central question that I get asked all of the time. How do I know when to push through and when to rest? How do I know when to baby myself, when to be tender with myself, and when to hold myself accountable to what I've said that I want and I need? And the thing that enables you to do that, and the implications of this are so vast. The thing that enables you to do that is the foundation of self-trust and that self-trust is built through devoting yourself to consistency in standing by your own side in burning contracts and patterns of self abandonment. In making the decision that you are going to be in relationship differently than you have been before, and it can be tricky because, again, lack of models, again, lack of embodied experience again. it seems like maybe that might ruffle some feathers in my life or renegotiate some of my relationships, and that all sounds very hard. Maybe I'm just gonna stay over here, but I'm gonna encourage you not to because I think that what is possible for us when we are standing firmly on that foundation of self trust is incredibly powerful. We become incredibly powerful. Not because we're perfect, not because we do it all, not because we say yes to everything. Not because we're people pleasers, not because we're fixing absolutely everything in the world, but because we are solid in our knowing of what we want and what we need and what we are capable of in a hyper current now body way. Right? Because we know. That our capacity ebbs and flows. We know that our like get up and go ebbs and flows. We know that we are in human bodies, which means we are inherently cyclical like the moon, like the tide, like the seasons, which means not every day is going to be the day for the thing that we want. And also that doesn't mean that that day isn't coming. Right. Developing that relationship with yourself. Through that consistency in tending through that devotion to your own tender stewardship, through being the kind of, librarian or archival force for all of that data that you're accumulating about yourself in context through rebuilding that self trust, through knowing when to push and when to hold. Being in relationship with yourself in that kind of way. Is, I mean, it's like game changer sea chains. I don't, I, I don't, I can't put my finger on the words that indicate how important it is for being an active participant, not only in your life, but also in your relationships in your communities. How so many of us have it backwards and we're trying to be out there doing all of the things and figuring our way through it, and I wanna welcome you home to yourself because it's through your relationship with yourself that you are going to be able to break free from this kind of all or nothing emergency self-care pattern. Break free of only offering support to yourself when things are really shitty. Thereby, absolutely creating systems where things are going to be really shitty and repeatedly'cause that's the only time that you're paying attention and create a system of so much more peace and harmony that is sustainable for you to operate from. And it can feel like. Some of this work is frivolous, you know, in a world that's on fire, in a world where, um, you know, fascism is just growing around us. In a world where systems are breaking down, social networks are breaking down, but that world needs you standing on a foundation of trust. That world needs you knowing what you can offer, how you can be of service, and what you need in order to do that well. And so here on this very powerful day, I put that vision forward to you. I want that for me. I practice that every day. I want that for you. I will continue to create opportunities and arenas and classrooms for you to practice that every day with me, with one another because this is not work to be done kind of around the edges, in the corners of your life while everyone's asleep or nobody needs you. When the to-do list is finally done, this is work to center. This is work to. Give a primetime spot in the middle of the day. This is work to bring out into the sunshine, and this is work to bring into community so that we are able to look at one another and say, we're all better. We are all better. When you share with us what you want and need, we are all better. When you share with us what the, the outer limits of your capacity are. We are all better when you trust us with the fullest expression of yourself. We are all better for that. Thank you. Talk to you soon.