The Savvy Seller with Kristen Doyle

161. I Said Yes When My Gut Said No

• Kristen Doyle, TPT seller, SEO coach, and web designer

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Have you ever said “yes” to a business opportunity when your gut screamed “no”? In this episode, I share real-life stories of ignoring those instincts, from messy collaborations to draining clients, and reveal the costly lessons I’ve learned about protecting your “yes.” We dive into why we override our gut (hello, FOMO and people-pleasing), red flags to watch for, and simple, practical ways to set boundaries and say no without burning bridges.

01:20 - Why we say yes when our gut says no

02:52 - Red flags that I’ve experienced with collaborations and clients

06:33 - How to say no gracefully while keeping relationships intact

07:52 - Practical boundary-setting tips that will help you trust your gut in business

Links & Resources:

Show Notes: https://kristendoyle.co/episode161 

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Kristen:

You ever say yes to something, maybe it was a collaboration or a summit, or a client, even though your gut was already saying, No, don't do it? Yeah, I've done it more than once, and I'm sure you have too. And here's the thing, I have learned, that it never ends well. So today, I am sharing some real life examples of when I ignored my gut instincts in business, why we do this to ourselves, and most importantly, how to stop saying yes when deep down, you know your gut is telling you no. Because let me tell you, protecting your yeses is one of the most important things that you can do for your business. Are you a digital product or course creator, selling on platforms like Teachers Pay Teachers, Etsy, or your own website? Ready to grow your business, but not into the kind of constant hustle that leads straight to burnout? Then you're in the right place. Welcome to The Savvy Seller. I'm Kristen Doyle, and I'm here to give you no-fluff tools and strategies that move the needle for your business without burning you out in the process—things like SEO, no stress marketing, email list building, automations and so much more. Let's get started, y'all. So when I think back on all of the times that I have said yes, when I should have said no, it all kind of boils down to the logic makes sense, even though my gut says no, and I ignore my gut and I say yes, anyway. Maybe I don't want to miss out on something. I've got a little FOMO, or I feel like, logically, maybe this is a good move for my business. Maybe my sales have been down, and I'm hoping this will be the boost that I need. Sometimes I just don't want to say no, because I don't want to seem ungrateful or disappoint the person who asked me, or maybe I don't want them to not ask me again next time. You know, I've had a lot of situations where the reason I said yes is because I was people pleasing and I didn't want to disappoint somebody. And what I've learned lately is that if I just say, you know, this sounds like a great opportunity, but it's not the right choice for me right now. And maybe you tell them why, maybe you don't, depends on what the reasoning is. But if I say, you know, not a good choice for me right now, but hey, definitely ask me next time. Most people are really receptive to that, and they really appreciate it. They appreciate you saying no to something you know you can't really support the way that you need to or that maybe it'll be a stretch a reach for you to get something done. They appreciate you being honest about that. On the flip side, I have definitely participated in lots of things where I should have said no. I have participated in summits where the process was kind of a mess and the expectations weren't clear. Maybe there was not good communication about what we needed to do to promote or where to turn things in, or when things are due. There just wasn't a good, solid plan in place, and that made it a difficult thing for me to participate in, because then I am left scrambling at the last minute when I realized something is due that I didn't know was due, because there just wasn't a good, solid plan and good communication in place. And a lot of times with things like that, you can tell up front that it might not be as organized as you'd like for it to be, because you can tell in the way that the organizers talk about it, especially if they say things that indicate it's not quite all put together yet, but they're just trying to go ahead and get people to sign up, and you know, they don't have a really solid plan for what they're doing. Another big red flag for me has been when something about the contract felt bad, and I've had a situation where I saw something in the contract that just felt off to me. My gut was whispering no, and I told myself, you know, don't worry about it. That's just boilerplate legal language. You know, we all put it in our contracts. They're not really gonna do what it says. And then they turned around after the event, and they sold my presentation in a way that technically did fit the contract, but it was not a way that I intended to be agreeing for them to sell it, and that just felt really, really icky to me. I've also participated in some promos where I ended up accidentally breaking trust with my audience. You know, maybe my audience got treated like a giant list of people to pitch to, or the organizers weren't really delivering on the thing they sold at the end of the collaborative event. And what happens then is it really makes my audience not trust me, if I'm saying yes to those kinds of things. So it erodes trust that my audience has with me, that I've worked hard to build over years and years of running my business. You can destroy it so quickly by saying yes to the wrong collaboration with the wrong person. Now when it comes to clients, I have also gotten on discovery calls with a potential new client, where in my gut, I could tell that it wasn't going to go well. Maybe it was going to be a difficult project, or our processes weren't aligned well. Sometimes I see those warning signs even in the initial forms or emails with the client before we even get on the call, or things come up during the discovery call, and instead of saying no when I know deep down I should, I try to find a way to make things work, because I don't want to disappoint the client who's maybe excited about working with me. Anytime that I don't fully vet someone, or I go against my normal processes because it felt urgent, or maybe I was excited about it, anytime that happens, I end up on the back end of it with a difficult project or a client that just wasn't a good fit. And chances are, then they aren't having a good experience working with me any more than I'm having a good experience working with them. So I have learned that if my gut says no, it's a no. Even if my brain is trying to talk me out of it, even if there are logical reasons that I probably should think about saying yes, if my gut says no, it's a no. Now you can say no gracefully to something that's not a good fit and still keep that relationship in a really good place. Like I shared earlier, sometimes the no is a no because it's just not the right time for me. Maybe you're too busy with other things. Maybe you've got other promos going on at the same time. You don't want to overwhelm your email list or your audience with tons of promotional things all at once. If that's the case, the magic phrase for you is, this isn't a good fit for me right now, but please ask me again next time. That way, you're indicating to people that you are interested, but just not right now. Now other times you might need to say no because it's not a good fit and you don't want them to ask next time. And so in that case, then you're gonna leave off the last half of that and just say, you know, thank you so much for asking. I feel honored that you reached out to me, but this just isn't a good fit for me or for my audience right now. Keep in mind what's really at stake when we say yes. I have heard from someone and I can't remember who it is to give them credit now, but I have heard before that every yes we say is a no to something else. So with keeping that in mind, we need to really protect those yeses and make sure that when we say yes, it is a wholehearted yes to the right things and not a yes where deep down you're feeling like So here's what you need to do. If you have had trouble with maybe this isn't really the right choice. setting those boundaries and saying yes to the wrong things, go ahead now and set some clear boundaries. The reason you want to do it now is because it's so much easier to set those boundaries right now while you've just been listening to me talk about some of my mistakes, maybe it brought up some that you've made before, and you're not actually in a situation where you need to say no. So if your situation is needing to set boundaries with clients, saying no to clients who aren't a good fit, then create some prequalifying kind of questions that you're either going to ask in a form or on a call, and set that boundary with yourself. If this doesn't look right to me, then I'm going to cancel the call. Or if it's on the call, I'm gonna say, you know, I just don't think that we are the right fit to work together. If it doesn't feel right from the very beginning, when you first get that initial lead form, or they first book the call, go ahead and cancel the call before you even get on. Because if you're like me, it's a whole lot harder to say no to somebody face to face on a call than it is in an email where you can think through what you're going to say and maybe even build up the courage to send that no email. When it comes to things that you're invited to do, whether it's a summit or a collaborative sale or whatever, a bundle promo, be slower to say yes. Go ahead and set the intention now that the next time somebody reaches out to you about an opportunity for your business, that you are not going to say yes right away, that you are going to read their message and you're going to reply back with something like, Let me think about it and get back to you. Or let me go check my calendar. This gives you some extra time before you have to actually respond to that invitation. It really is okay to kind of sit with that invitation for a little while. Think about that FOMO, that fear of missing out, sit in that and just let the invitation hang for a little bit while you think about whether it's the right choice or not. In fact, I've even had to do that in my personal life not too long ago. My family got invited to something, and my initial gut reaction was, yes, let's do it, that sounds fun. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized this isn't the right choice for our family right now. We need to say no to this so that we can say yes to some other things. And because I didn't immediately respond with the Yes, because I took some time, because I said, let me check our calendar, let me talk to the family, I was able to have the time to think about it and come back and say no to the thing I really needed to say no to so that we could say yes to some better stuff down the road. Here's the bottom line, if something feels off, if it just doesn't feel good in your gut, you don't owe anyone a yes, no matter how exciting or promising or flattering it is. If your gut is saying no, then you need to listen to it. It's probably trying to save you time or energy or a whole big mess of cleanup later on down the road. Now, inside The Savvy Seller Collective, we talk a lot about boundaries and how to evaluate opportunities and make smart business decisions that actually serve your business instead of draining it and leaving you with those regrets from saying no. So if you are ready to join a group of people who are working on building a business that feels good and is successful, then I would love for you to come join us at kristendoyle.co/collective. I'll talk to you soon.