Decoding Attachment Styles
Why you keep picking the same fights. Why you feel so needy or so smothered. Let's talk about why your relationships play out the way they do, and what you can actually do about it.
I’m your host, Annalisa Bahadur. I have a psychology degree, I’m a coach, and most importantly, I’ve been in the trenches. I used to have major anxious attachment. I know what it's like to feel that constant anxiety, to need reassurance, to feel like the relationship is always on the brink of collapse.
But I did the work to move toward secure. And I’m now almost five years into a happy, stable relationship with a recovering avoidant. I’m not talking theory from a textbook. I’m talking about what actually worked for me and my clients.
This podcast is about attachment theory, stripped down to the basics. No fluff, no fancy language. Just straight talk about how your early wiring affects your adult relationships.
In each episode, we break down the four attachment styles - Secure, Anxious, Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant.
We'll look at how they show up in your dating life, your friendships, and even at work. You'll hear real stories and get practical steps you can use right now.
We focus on two main tools: empathy and boundaries.
- Empathy to understand why you and the people you love act the way they do.
- Boundaries to protect your own energy and stop cycles of drama and hurt.
This isn't about blaming your parents or your exes. It's about giving you a roadmap to better relationships. You'll learn how to identify your patterns, communicate what you really need, and build connections that feel solid, not stressful.
If you're tired of the same old problems and you're ready for real change, you're in the right place.
Bonus- every Thursday you'll have a chance to listen in on real people as they share their struggles as I coach them through their challenges. Each individual has agreed to have these session recorded using a pseudonym, and aired for your benefit.
Fan Mail
Hello, I’ve been learning about attachment styles recently, and your insights have been so helpful. My ex seemed to have an avoidant attachment style, though at times, I felt he was also anxious. We were long-distance (I’m in Chicago, he’s in the Netherlands) and dated for over a year. He was under a lot of stress from work and finishing his master’s, often saying he felt behind in life. I think he took that frustration out on me. During one call, he was being mean, so I ended the conversation. He called me seven times back-to-back, but I didn’t engage because it felt too negative. I later sent him a voice note asking why he had changed so much, but he ghosted me. I gave him over a week, but when he never replied, I broke up with him via WhatsApp because communication is the foundation of a long-distance relationship. In the beginning, he was extremely sweet sending flowers, doing thoughtful things, and even cleaning when he visited. But over time, he got too comfortable, stopped putting in effort, and became cold. Being in a relationship with someone avoidant feels mentally abusive, and it’s exhausting when they won’t address their issues. I can empathize to a point, but as adults, we need to handle things better. This is my first time dealing with heartbreak, and experiencing this at 45 has been overwhelming. It feels extreme and hard to navigate. Is it possible for someone to be both dismissive and anxious? And is it normal for someone to go from being so deeply engaged to completely shutting someone out? Do you have any advice or resources for understanding my own