78: Stop Being a Good Girl and Start Being a CEO

Do you desire to increase your income and impact, and you’re showing up,  but it feels like you are shouting into the void?

Many women entrepreneurs are doing everything they are told to do to be more visible, from posting more often to being on more platforms.  But it doesn’t seem to work, and most often it’s only making them tired and frustrated.  

In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on:

• The Visibility Trap: Why posting more doesn't lead to being seen.
• The Power of Rage: How suppressing your too-muchness turns into business resentment.
• Survival Technology: Why your nervous system keeps you small and how to safely unravel those patterns.
• The Embodiment Shift: Moving from broadcasting to leading from an unapologetic center.

Resources mentioned 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/we-can-do-hard-things-with-glennon-doyle/id1564530722?i=1000754397152

🧲 If you’re doing all the right things in your business but still feeling stuck, overthinking every move, or struggling to create the momentum you know you’re capable of,  I'd love to support you. 

Book a FREE discovery call at tertiariegler.com/book. We’ll explore what’s really keeping you stuck  and whether working together is the right fit.

📌Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only.  It does not constitute therapy, medical advice or business coaching.

Transcript

Welcome. I am Tertia, and you are listening to the Feminine Embodiment Podcast. This is the space where I teach women entrepreneurs how to get out of their heads and into their bodies so that you can feel more fully alive, magnetic, and have the impact you were born to have with a lot more ease. If you desire to increase your impact and your income, but it feels like you are shouting into a void, then today's episode is for you. Today we're going to talk about how to let yourself be seen, but perhaps not in the way that you think. And before we dive in, if we get to the end of this episode and you've had little light bulbs going off all over the place, then go on and book a free discovery call with me so we can talk about how I can support you and how we can work together. And I'll leave a link for you in the show notes. Okay, so let's get into it. The biggest mistake that I see is that we treat visibility as broadcasting. Okay, so we think that if we have a website or a LinkedIn profile or an Instagram account or Threads account, By the way, come and say hello to me if you are on Threads. I recently opened, or started, began, how do you say it, a Threads account, and I had all my posts planned out, and I scheduled a few posts out in advance, and then about 3 days in, I got banned from the platform because apparently they thought I was a bot, probably because I was so efficient. We had some Conversations, me and the Instagram and Threads team, and I am back on Threads, so come and say hello. Okay, so getting back to what I was saying, we have all of these places in which we make ourselves visible, right? So we post multiple times a day, we're sending newsletters, and it literally looks like we are doing the work. We can see that we are doing the work, we are out there, but, and this is what I want you to answer, in all of that showing up, Does anyone actually see you? I'll ask you again. Does anyone in all of that showing up, does anyone actually see you? Do they see you? If it feels like you're shouting into a void, it has nothing to do with the algorithm. Often it has to do with the conditioning that we all carry inside of us these masks that we sit behind and live behind and contort ourselves in that hides who we are. And they are rooted in two areas. The first area is rooted in fear, being the good girl, right? And even if you don't think of yourself as performing the role of good girl, this is really a conditioning that most women fall into in some or other area of their life, and especially it impacts us in business. So for centuries, a woman's safety all depended on how acceptable we were, how useful we were, how quiet we were. And when you start a business, these ancestral echoes, it doesn't go away, they show up. So we want to stand out, but we don't want to stand out too much. We do not actually live out this visceral holy conviction of what we stand for and what we believe in because we are afraid that it's going to sound like too much. We are afraid of being judged. We have a deeply built-in survival technology, right? Our nervous systems has the sole purpose of keeping us safe. And for women, staying small was once upon a time, this was a survival strategy. But if we do this in our businesses, can you see that it's not going to work? We're going to have to put a lot of effort in for very small results. And now if one of the reasons is fear, the other reason is rage. Just this morning I was listening to the podcast We Can Do Hard Things where they interviewed Megan, I forget her surname, and they were talking about, so I'm not American, I'm based in Europe, and I think therefore my experience of what it is that I'm hearing will of course be different to someone who lives in the States, but they were talking about these disgusting things that is happening in the States right now and all of these people in power and celebrities that have been taking advantage of humanity, gross disgusting advantage of humanity. And Megan was saying that we have to save ourselves, us women, we have to save ourselves, we have to be our own protectors and we save ourselves by believing ourselves to be worthy first and by allowing our rage. Go and listen to that episode if you haven't listened to it yet. I can link it you in the show notes as well. So rage, let's talk about rage. For years, centuries, we have been told that rage is bad, rage is sinful, rage is unprofessional. We are told to stay in love and light and be positive and think positive things only. But this is the problem, and I have firsthand experience of this, and I know I'm not the only one. When you squash your rage, it turns into resentment. It gets stuck in the back of your throat. And so we feel resentment when a client oversteps. You feel resentment when a team member doesn't respond in the way that you expected them to. You feel resentment when one of your posts doesn't get any likes and you've put so much effort into it. When we learn that our rage is part of who we are, it's part of our essence, and it's a fuel that can be used to move our work in the world, to move our presence in the world. We don't have to hide that we have rage, right? We don't have to hide behind a mask. So we allow people to see us in our fullness. And now that rage becomes a power that says, I'm no longer available for this dynamic. So for example, you've got a client that pushes on your boundaries for the third time, where before you might have just kept quiet, customer is always right, you send a polite email, but now you go, this is how we are going to move forward or we don't move forward at all. So this brings us to the question then of how do we let ourselves be seen? If we understand that it's our fear and the suppression of our rage that keeps us hidden, that keeps us behind masks, so that even if we do all the visibility work, we still don't let ourselves be fully seen, we have to drop from the mind into the body. Your brain is 95% of the time your brain is on autopilot. So you are thinking the same thoughts, you are being the same person 95% of the time, which means that only 5% of your thoughts and your beliefs and your habits are original. So what we want to do is we want to get out of that 95% and we want to drop into the 5% of our truth. The reason why we are in this habit of being on autopilot Why we stay in our heads is because we've been habituated in this way. We believe that we are too much. We believe that we are not enough, and it's very painful for us to be in our bodies because this is where our too muchness lives. And so it's easier for us to stay in our heads analyzing and living and managing the world and our businesses and our lives from there. This is what I want you to know. To be truly seen by the world, you must first be willing to be seen by yourself. You have to see yourself first. And this is what happens when we drop into the body, into where that too muchness lives, where we meet our rage and we meet those parts of us that have been squashed in order to stay palatable and to be accepted. And we can get there through embodiment. So to be embodied means that you are inhabiting your full self. One of my teachers always says that the truth is in the feel of something, and this is exactly what embodiment helps us with. It helps us to connect with the internal sensations in our body so that that can begin to guide us. But that's not all. Embodiment and inhabiting our full selves, feeling our truth is also how we begin to unravel all the gunk that is stuck in our nervous system, the gunk that's keeping our life force blocked, the gunk of our fear, the gunk of our suppressed rage, the gunk of contorting and performing and hiding behind masks so that we stay safe. And there's nothing wrong with us having done all of these things like suppressing our rage or hiding behind masks because it is to keep us safe. There was a time in our lives where this was necessary for us to do this. Our ancestors had to do that. But if we want to move forward in our full power, it is necessary for us to break the hold that this fear and the conditioning and the old beliefs that no longer serve us, We have to break free from that. And embodiment is the safest way that I know that we can unravel these patterns from our nervous system. This is what drives me to do this work. I believe that as business owners, we have, as women first and foremost, and then as business owners who can generate our own funds and bring more money into the world, we have got the power to change the lives not only of our inner circle, but also our community to have really good lives and to make really good money and to live in a world where we really care for each other. When we lead from our unapologetic centres, we don't have to hide who we are. We allow ourselves to be seen in our rage, in our tenderness, in our magnificent too-much selves. And this is the power that transforms our businesses on a micro level and the world on a macro level. And that's what I truly desire for our children and for humanity. Now, if you are ready to finally be seen in all of your magnificence and all of your depth, the best thing that you can do is to head over to my website, tertia regler.com, and book your free feminine embodiment discovery call. And during this 30-minute call, it's a non-binding call. We are going to have just a conversation. I will help you identify where it is that you want to be seen, what's in the way of that, and I'm going to offer my insights in how to shift. And then if you want to get there faster, we can talk about working together as well. That's it from me for this episode. I appreciate you being here and I will speak to you in the next one. Bye!