91: The Real Reason Visibility Feels Exhausting

Feeling stuck when it comes to showing up and being visible in your business? In this episode of the Feminine Embodiment for Spiritual Business Owners Podcast, Tertia unpacks why visibility can feel so hard, even when you know it’s the key to attracting new clients and growing your business.

🔴Free Workshop: Make Visibility Easier https://tertiariegler.com/make-visibility-easier-workshop/

Tertia explores the hidden fears around how we’re perceived, the instinct to manage others’ opinions, and the social conditioning (especially for women) that makes self-promotion uncomfortable. You’ll discover why fear is a normal part of the process, why authenticity always wins over perfection, and get practical steps to gently stretch your comfort zone. Tune in to learn how to work with your nervous system, break free from perfectionism, and become confidently visible as your most authentic self.

Keywords: visibility, business growth, marketing, feminine embodiment, spiritual business owners, confidence, authenticity, fear of being seen, managing perceptions, nervous system, public speaking, personal branding, perfectionism, vulnerability, self-promotion, women's conditioning, social nervous system, belonging, client attraction, energy management, unconscious beliefs, authenticity journey, personal development, breaking through comfort zones, up-leveling business, 

🦋 FREE Visibility Archetype Quiz to discover the best way for you to be visible with more confidence + magnetism ➡️ https://tertiariegler.com/quiz/

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Facebook▶️ https://www.facebook.com/tertiariegler.embodimentcoach/

Website ▶️https://tertiariegler.com

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Work with me

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🚀Magnetic Visibility Accelerator  ▶️ https://tertiariegler.com/work-with-tertia/

🌹Embodied Movement Self-Practice ▶️  https://tertiariegler.thrivecart.com/deep-flow/ 

🔥Feminine Power Blueprint ▶️ https://tertiariegler.thrivecart.com/feminine-power-blueprint/

📌 Disclaimer: This episode is for informational and educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, medical advice or business coaching.

Transcript

Are you at the stage where you are ready to go all in on your business and do the marketing and you know exactly how important visibility is to grow your business. But when it comes to showing up, it feels like the hardest thing to do. In today's episode, we're going to talk about why visibility can feel so difficult, even if you know this is the thing that's going to grow your business and call in your clients. My name is Tertia and this is the feminine embodiment for Spiritual Business Owners Podcast. It's a show where I teach you how to be more confidently visible, how to claim your feminine power for success, and how to work in more embodied ways as you grow your business. If you have ever sat down in your business to do that thing that's going to make you more visible, whether it's recording something or whether it's writing that email, and you absolutely hate how you sound, know what to say, and you hit blanks, you keep on redoing the same thing over and over and over. Then today's episode is for you. We're talking about that aspect of visibility which has everything to do with how people perceive you.

So going back to the example of recording something, whether it's a video episode or a reel or a podcast, it's not so much the recording of it that scares you, but it's the fact that after you've done the thing, people are going to see it, people are going to hear it, and they are going to either form an opinion of you or have something to say about that thing that you have done. And this is what causes the bottleneck when it comes to being visible, this fear that we have about how we are being perceived. What are other people going to think about us and what are the consequences of being visible? Now, before I dive into how you can begin to step out of this fear of how you are perceived, I want to tell you about a free workshop that's happening at the end of this month. So at the end of June 2026, I'm hosting a free virtual workshop called Make Visibility Easier. And if you are a coach or a consultant or a business owner who wants to up level their visibility so that you can call in more clients, then this workshop is for you. And in fact, if you are in any stage of your business where you know you need to be more visible, but showing up is something that you absolutely hate, then this workshop is also for you. I'm going to leave a link for you in the show notes. So let's get into the episode.

And I want to start off by saying the reason that being visible can feel so hard and it can take so much out of you is because of all this energy that we use to manage other people's perceptions of us. So if you think about it, let's say you have 100% of energy available. If you stand fully in your sovereign truth and you speak from the full spectrum of who you are, you are essentially being present and you're using all hundred percent of this energy that you have. But the moment that you start monitoring how other people are receiving you, or you start adapting yourself so that you are received in a better way, or you pull back so that you don't receive any criticism. And by the way, we do all of this on an unconscious level. So you don't even know that you are doing this. But as you are using 60 or 70%, and this is just a random number, but let's say 60 or 70% of your energy you're using to manage the perceptions of the people around you, no wonder it's hard work to show up. In fact, what's happening in the background is you are.

It's like you're fighting with this unconscious belief of I need to show up in a certain way to feel safe. And so I'm continuing to manage my energy to make sure that I'm performing in the way that is going to keep me safe. And so it's like part of you is trying to express and show up, but the other part of you is busy putting out fires before they have even started. And for women, this is. There's like an extra level to this because for so many of us, we've been conditioned that women should show up in a certain way. And promoting yourself and putting your own needs first is seen as something which is very undesirable unconsciously. Again, what we tend to do as women is we show up in ways where we are more liked. It's part of our social nervous system.

We don't want to get kicked out of the tribe. We want to belong. And so we kind of sacrifice part of ourselves in order to fit in. The problem, of course, comes that when you need to step up to the plate and start showing up in a way that is true and authentically you so that you can begin to call in those clients, you need to do it with a hundred percent of who you are. And in the same breath, it also brings up and makes us feel vulnerable the moment that we let ourselves be truly seen. And that's why working with your nervous system and resourcing yourself and nourishing yourself and holding yourself through, through your visibility. Growth edges is one of the most important things that you're ever going to do if you struggle with being seen. So I want to share with you two truths that will support you if you are on this journey of showing up in a bigger way.

The first truth is that fear is normal. It's absolutely normal to be afraid and it doesn't mean that you're not supposed to to do the thing. I remember the very first video that I ever recorded as a coach. It was one of the assignments that I had to do as part of my training. I've had my own business for five years already. By that time I was leading training programs for big groups of people and I had no problem with doing public speaking or being seen. But the moment that I had to record a video speaking about my signature coaching program, I was petrified. And I re recorded that video so many times and even when I finally submitted it, throughout the whole video my voice was shaking and I was shaking and you could see in my face how scared I was.

And so I'm sharing the story with you to tell you that it doesn't matter what level you're at, there's always going to be a new growth edge. When you are growing your business, when you are up leveling your life, when you are going for your dreams and making an impact, it requires us to, to step out of our comfort zones. And I think so often, especially for those of us that are more spiritual, we can get tripped up when we feel scared like this. When something feels really hard, you might tell yourself this is your intuition telling you it's not meant to be and you're not supposed to do the thing. And I want to implore you that that is the thing that is furthest from the truth. It's not your intuition, it is your nervous system. 9 times out of 10 and it's because your nervous system wants to keep you safe. The moment that you step out of your comfort zone, the moment that you enter into a space where you need to navigate the unknown, even if that unknown and the results that you're going to get is good for you.

This is scary. This sends out the alarm bells and your nervous system is going to make sure that you don't put yourself in unnecessary danger. So the thing here is not about trying to wait until the fear is gone and then finally do it or giving up because you feel fear, but it's to hold yourself through it and to resource yourself through it. So the first truth being that even if it feels scary, this is normal. The second truth is that the best version of you is the authentic version of you. I think so often we have this idea of what being visible means. And it might look like being very professional and put together and doing everything perfectly, but the moment that you buy into that, that it has to be done in a certain way in order to be good enough in quotation marks, you're putting so much pressure on yourself to deliver and to live up to that unrealistic standard. And of course, when we have these unrealistic standards and when we have so much pressure on ourselves to perform that no wonder it feels like something really sucky to do.

It's something that isn't nice. It's something that's really, really hard. The best thing that you can do when it comes to being visible is to be yourself. And that's both the easiest thing to do because you are who you are. And it's also the hardest thing to do because of this conditioning that we have these ideas that who we are isn't good enough, that we're too much, that we need to pull ourselves back, that we need to play smaller. And again, all of these things happen in the background. You don't even know that this is playing out. You have these things that you tell yourself you need a little bit more time.

Once you don't feel scared anymore, that's when you're actually going to be able to show up more freely and speak about your business and call in those clients. Or you might feel and tell yourself that once you start earning more regularly, more consistently, then you're going to feel more confident. And all of those are just ways again, in which we try to protect ourselves. When you are real, when you show up as yourself, people feel that it creates this congruence. Our nervous systems are constantly in connection with each other, each other. Even if you are watching this video or listening to this podcast, you. You are picking up unconsciously, you're picking up on the state of my nervous system. You're picking up on my energy.

And if I'm going to be all over the place and insecure, you're going to find that there's something that feels a little bit off. You might not be able to name it. And the more grounded I feel, the more grounded you are going to feel listening to me. So this is what I mean about being your authentic self, is to rest back and sit in the truth of who you are. One of the nicest things for me is when I get onto calls with clients and they go, you know, you sound exactly the way that you do on your videos or on your podcast episodes. And I'm so grateful for that because that's a testament of how far I have come in my own visibility and authenticity journey. In the very beginning, when I started making videos on YouTube, I used to record those things over and over and over again. And when it came to editing, I edited the life out of everything whenever I said something wrong.

English is not my first language. So whenever I mispronounce something or whenever I say has instead of have, I would edit all of that out. And in the process, you know, I would lose the thread of what I actually meant to say. And I'm sure that you'll agree that those kinds of content, those videos, those ways in which we reach out to people, if we. If they so perfect that you can't feel the person in that, that's not attractive to you, and it's not attractive to your clients. And I know you know that. So the thing is, how do we get beyond this? How do we break free from that perfectionism? And how do we feel the fear and do it anyway? Those two truths. This is the way that I see it.

Visibility is not about being perfect. It's not about being fearless. It is about making it as easy as possible for you. It doesn't have to be hard. But like anything, if you think about any skill that you have learned initially, when you learn it, let's say, for example, learning how to ride a bicycle or even reading. Learning how to read, how difficult it was, how. How much effort it took for you to be able to do that until you got to a point where you mastered it. You were able to ride that bicycle or drive the car or, you know, write the number or read the letters without having to think about it.

So you took what was first a conscious practice, and it became unconscious. And we can do the same thing with visibility. When you practice it, when you practice showing up, when you practice being confident, when you take small little steps, it shows your nervous system, hey, this happened. And look, we're safe. That means that we can do this because we survived it. So you can stretch your comfort zone a little bit more and more and more each time until showing up becomes unconscious. It becomes something that's easy, and dare I say, you might even enjoy it. It's all about becoming available to.

To be seen as yourself. And in order to do that, you need to fully inhabit yourself. And I believe that when we work with our bodies, when we work with our nervous systems, when we unravel all of the conditioning that we hold in our bodies that tells us that who we are isn't enough, and there are things about ourselves that we need to be ashamed of, and that there are things about ourselves that are too much. When we get rid of those stories, we get rid of these narratives that play out unconsciously, then we can show up as who we are and we can be bloody brilliant at what it is that we do. So in order for you to take that first step in showing up as who you are, I have a little practice for you for this week. And this practice is to, in a roundabout way, begin to work with these unconscious conversations and narratives that you have. Take an overview of all of the visibility tasks, let's call them that, that you have for this week. Choose one small next step.

I don't want you to go from 0 to 100 and burn yourself out and freak out your nervous system. It's really what is the smallest little thing that you can do. So if you would love to start making reels, but this is just something that you can't get yourself to do that maybe it's recording a 30 second reel and you don't need to post it, just record it and watch it and tomorrow you can record it again. Even if it's exactly the same reel. Maybe it's drafting the first version of that email that you want to send out to someone in your network for a collaboration opportunity. Maybe you want to speak to someone, a friend or a peer who's already doing lives or who's already doing podcast episodes or videos on YouTube and see if you can, together with them, record something because they are already practiced, they are already comfortable in doing this, and so you can lean into their nervous system and their ease as you begin to build this skill. And just as much as showing up consistently is a skill and it's a muscle that you practice, so is it a skill to consistently inhabit yourself? So if you are standing on that edge where you are ready to take your business into the next level and amp up your visibility, but you absolutely hate the showing up bit, then I want you to know that you are in such good company, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you or anything that you need to fix. You are in fact standing on the edge of a breakthrough.

And if you want to dive deeper into that, then sign up for my free workshop that's happening at the end of the month. Again, it's called Make Visibility Easier and I will put the link for you in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining me in this episode today. As always, I absolutely love hearing from you, so send me an email or a DM and let me know your biggest takeaways. Thanks for joining me and I'll speak to you in the next one. Bye.