Hot+Brave
Hosted by birth worker and activist Bianca Sprague from bebo mia Inc (https://bebomia.com/), Hot + Brave is like a hilarious conversation with your feisty friend who doesn’t give a f*ck. Brave stories, business support, hot topics and #truthbombs that will either balm your soul or light fire to your rage.
Hot+Brave
S2E10 Healing in Community: Student Edition with Vicky and DeZarayé
This week Bianca is joined by two of our incredible alumni: Vicky Cadot and DeZarayé Manning. Both Vicky and DeZarayé share their passion for birth, healing and body autonomy.
Vicky struggled with CPTSD (Complex Postraumatic Stress Disorder) after suffering religious and sexual abuse. After suffering a panic attack while caring for her children, she realized she needed to do some deep healing work and she found a community that helped her name and understand what she was going through. She started reconnecting to herself, to the things that brought her joy and made her shine. She realized she was pregnant with her 5th child and decided to advocate for herself and embark in the journey of unassisted homebirth. She now runs her own business serving families and is a leader for Black doulas in Quebec.
DeZarayé also experienced trauma, in her case it was in the form of getting electrocuted at work and having to leave her career as a body worker, which she was deeply passionate about. DeZarayé first tried to heal in silence, ignoring red flags and the signals of her body, but eventually she found a community that helped her do the deep work. Finding birth work helped her come back to herself and get grounded. She is now pregnant with her second child and planning an unassisted homebirth.
Links:
- Solari Naissance, Vicky's Business
- DeZarayé's Instagram
- Indie Birth
- The Four Agreements
- The Body Keeps the Score
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Because of certain beliefs that I had that was given by the religion, I stopped doing stuff that I really enjoyed and that was healthy for me, like singing, dancing. And then I started doing that while I was pregnant and I started putting on Beyonce, what's her name? Lizzo. And I was like, where was this all my life?
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And I would dance and dance. And my husband was like, wow, like you flourish, you know, you're glowing. And I'm like, I don't know what's going on, but it just makes me feel good. And it really, really, really helped getting the emotions out of my body. That was during my pregnancy and as well as well to advocate for myself.
SPEAKER_00:You are listening to the Hot and Brave podcast with Bianca Sprague from Bebo Mia, where you will hear brave stories, hot topics and truth bombs that will either light fire to your rage or be the balm you need for your soul.
SPEAKER_04:What a week this has been, everyone. I had a health scare and found myself in the emergency room and then admitted with chest pains. It was a reminder of how much self advocacy is needed as you go through the medical system. With my chart in hand, I was asked about my menstrual cycle. I had a hysterectomy five years ago. I asked if it was possible this was gallstones. I had my gallbladder removed in university. Practitioner after practitioner reminded me of how much potential there was for harm and trauma. After being admitted, I laid in bed with the lights on, listening to folks cry and ask questions, demanding answers. There was people sleeping in the halls. There was too many people in a room. There was not enough carers. I was being moved to the ICU and I found out I would be staying in an additional three days. That was not going to work for me. I advocated and begged and sobbed and found myself released into an outpatient care program. It was the best move I could have done. I personally don't trust our medical system and I know that in my bed at home is the safest place for me. The risk of harm coming from those that should keep us safe, whether it's parents or partners or healthcare providers, It's too risky. This interview I recorded two weeks ago is with two incredible Babelmia alumni. They shared about the harm that came to them and how birth work was such a significant part of their healing journeys. I also want to give a huge shout out to my best friend Amy who sat in the hospital with me and loved me and held me while I cried. She is a fierce advocate and protector and I'm honored she is one of my critical pillars and my chosen family. I love you Amy and thank you so much for loving me. do you find that your friends call you when they need your care and love and support these are the qualities that make an incredible birth worker and our maternal support practitioner certification starts in two weeks there are still spots available and we would love to have you in our three-in-one doula training we are so proud of the program we have put together there's so much hand-holding and you get to go at your own pace and you will get your certification plus an incredible group of birth nerd besties we also want to take care of you as you go through the program and start your client care so we have included a free therapy for all of our students and alumni. We believe that you need to be a healed healer to help out in the world and we know how cost prohibitive access to therapy can be and we want to break those barriers down. It is included in your tuition and it's just one of the many bonuses of our MSP program. There's no extra cost and you will always have access to process and heal. Without further ado, enjoy our second student edition episode. Hi everyone and welcome back to the Hot and Brave podcast. I'm your host Bianca Sprague and we are back with the second edition of the student edition. Before we begin, we want to remind you that if your heart is feeling heavy today, please press pause and come back when you feel grounded. Also, if you have littles around, we suggest headphones as the topics and language may not be suitable for little ears, but we'll let you decide. We are joined today by two of our MSP alumni. We have Vicky and Desiree, and they're going to be sharing their journeys of healing from trauma and abuse. Vicky is joining us from Quebec, Canada and she is the founder of Solari Naissance, which... I butcher because I'm an Anglophone. And she provides birth and postpartum care both virtually and in real life. She's a breastfeeding support volunteer, a certified EC coach. That's elimination communication, y'all, if you ever want to go check it out. It's very cool and hard to do here in Canada with so many clothings on. She is a mom to five precious little humans, and she's committed to bringing humanity, grace, and body autonomy to her birthing clients. All while creating Desiree is joining us from California and she is the proud owner of My Sacred Sauna and the Mothering Lotus. She is a wife and a mother to a beautiful, thriving young queen and with one on the way. Desiree, when are you expecting? I
SPEAKER_01:don't know yet. I just found out, so I'm like about four weeks.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, shit. You guys heard it here first. We heard it here. Here's what she did. See that, Rihanna? You have nothing on your birth announcement. Desiree dropped it on the Hot and Brave podcast. We are so excited to have you both on the podcast. And this season, we are talking all about the body. And we know trauma is stored in the body. And healing process is hard, yet it is so sweetly rewarding. So Vicky, I'm going to kick it off with a question for you. You really want folks to understand about complex PTSD and the differences. And I think some of the definitions feel like a really great starting place. So let's start there.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, PTSD is a post-traumatic syndrome. It's a trauma that occurs when there's one abuse. It's one main event that caused you to be mentally ill or... having all these trust issues. But like, let's say you're going to the bank and someone robs the bank. So it's one time event. But CPTSD is like complex. It's when these assaults or these violence that was caused to you or these harms that was caused to you are done on a period of time. It's also happening a lot with people that are close to you. oftentimes your providers or someone that's really loving your...
SPEAKER_04:People who should keep us safe. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah,
SPEAKER_04:yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So that's what it is.
SPEAKER_04:And for both of you, do you guys each have a moment when you remember, A, that you were like, this is what trauma feels like, and B, I know I can change this experience for myself?
SPEAKER_03:For me, it's not something... Well, I remember... that i started my journey when i i realized that something happened to me like i don't know how to say this but all these things i've been through several abuse religious sexual racial financial and it was not done solely by one person like there was different things because I'm 40. Okay. So there's a many, I've lived many lives. You've seen some stuff. So what happened is that one day there was always triggers, but I didn't know it was triggers. And one day something happened and I was like, having this anxiety attack and I didn't know what it was. I just went into my room and I passed out because I didn't want my children to see me like that. And when I woke up, I'm like, okay, I need to do something about this. Like, this is not good because I was homeschooling at the time. And I was telling myself if something like that happens while I'm taking care of the young ones, it was not going to be good. So my husband, spoke to me about this it's a recovery program for sexual and religious abuse and I said okay I'll you know it's a therapy a group therapy so I'm you know it's not going to be too intimidating and I realized that's when they explained it to me like what CPTSD was what trauma was and I was like okay so this is what was happening so that's it was like three years ago, yeah. Then I realized that I understood what it was.
SPEAKER_04:Desiree, do you remember when it became just not like the state you existed in? No,
SPEAKER_01:yeah. Mine was more of a physical trauma. A few years back, before I became a doula, I was a massage therapist. And I loved it. I was good at what I did and everything. But unfortunately, I had to retire myself because the place, the establishment I was working at, I got hurt pretty bad. I got electrocuted. And it took a huge toll on me physically, emotionally, mentally, physically. and something I'm still kind of dealing with, but I didn't recognize like I'm really suffering until I was helping a client one time and I couldn't, I could not plug anything in the outlets. I couldn't touch the outlets. I couldn't be near the outlets. Luckily their partner was able to do it and they understood, they understood. But to me, that was a problem.
SPEAKER_00:And so, and I was like healing,
SPEAKER_01:But I was healing in silence, which for me wasn't good because I wasn't really doing the steps to healing myself and keeping it to myself wasn't helping me. And, um... I feel like it was the Virgo in me because, you know, we just like hold all these things in. I don't know what you're talking about. Virgo, Virgo
SPEAKER_04:rising
SPEAKER_01:here. But in reality, it was breaking me. It was breaking me. And I could see it was taking a toll on not only me, but the people who were surrounding me. So I could see myself like immediately like. just snapping off because I'm just holding all this in. I'm bottling all this in. So I just exploded and I exploded in a way that I didn't like. And it wasn't me. So I'm just now really, really starting to like dive deep into my healing and I'm really starting to take it seriously. And I recently started, um, a book club well i was joined into this female book club which actually really really helped it actually really helped my healing with like-minded women and who has you know their own different traumas that they've been through and then i can express i can be vulnerable to someone that's like outside my little circle i have so yeah i'm just now really really diving deep into it and it's going really really good and i'm loving it i'm not stopping it I'm not doing it in silence no more. So that's good. That's amazing. What did you read in your book club? So our book that we read was The Four Agreements. Ah, it's a good one. Really, really good book. Really good book. And amongst other things that are happening in my life, that book reassured me like, okay, I'm doing the right thing. I'm not in this alone. You know, it might seem like, what you're doing is selfish but you're not you're just you want to meet your higher self you know you want to be a better you you know so yeah that book was like reassurance and it came at the right
SPEAKER_04:time too it's funny those things happen they just like slide across your existence they might even be an older book or you know something that kind of like fatted and went out again and then you come in and you're like oh this was the perfect timing for me yeah Yeah, that's a good one. I'm going to circle back to a couple things you said there when we talk about, you know, building your community to support you in your healing journey. Because anyone, you all can't see us, you can just hear us, but Desiree air-quoted healing for the kickoff before she built a squad to support her doing that. Okay, so both of you are birth workers. So I'm curious, how does birth work fit into your healing journey? It's like,
SPEAKER_01:I don't know how to explain it. It's like reassurance that... You're like helping someone that could be struggling, whatever it is, or they may not be struggling, but they're wanting you to help them through this difficult time for them. Because giving birth is not easy. Going through pregnancy is not easy. And this person is putting their faith and their trust into you to help them or guide them through this journey of what can be healing for some people.
SPEAKER_04:Vicky, where does birth work fit into yours?
SPEAKER_03:First, I'm more aware of how people can be victims or, you know, in a situation, vulnerable situation. Because before that, I was, I think I was living in La La Land. I thought everybody was nice. And like, so it was, it was all in your head. You know, if you, if you felt something that was like off, I thought it was just you being overly aggressive. sensitive you know yeah but now I was able to understand that I have not only a voice but the intuition and the instinct is there to protect me and I can help other people tap into that as well because there's a lot of especially in the field or community you know they don't teach you about that I don't want to say it in a mean way because I know that it's not, sometimes it's out of ignorance and it's like, they teach you to trust somebody else, you know, before trusting your own self. So because of that, you're like always trusting, gaslighting yourself into saying, oh, well, I'm not, it's probably not what I'm thinking or what I'm seeing and what I'm reading, you know? So I help women to, to be able to do that and to like, I validate that. And I tell them, no, what you felt was what it is like, and they are more able to be okay with themselves and be, you know, protect themselves that way.
SPEAKER_04:It is the double-edged sword around, you know, having a deep faith in anything that's external. It's hard to hold, like, trusting and believing in it and fill in the blank, whatever it is in your spiritual, religious journeys, while still trusting that God at each one of these forks in the road, your intuition and autonomy is also a really important factor. Like there's both, you know, trusting faith and that you never get more than you can handle and everything happens for a reason. Like whatever the thing is that people find comforting, myself included.
SPEAKER_03:I'm able as well to help them understand that it's not wrong. You know, it's not something that's like going to be the opposite of the beliefs that you have. And I often say that if you believe that it's a spirit of the Holy Spirit that helps you take your decision, well, he put that intuition inside of you to know when you're in danger or when you're safe. So it's easier for them to accept that it's something good and it's not something just... Hocus Pocus, you know.
SPEAKER_04:You know, when we're dealing with a physical trauma or I mean, both of you had different triggers that that, you know, caused your body to have these these trauma responses do you remember when you felt that that like connection of the work that you're doing healing it might have been through birth it might have been like a pivotal moment in your therapeutic process it might have just been like a moment of alone and quiet that you had this like what you're doing right now is healing intentionally the the experience that you had happened
SPEAKER_03:I would say for myself that I had so much rage I that I was like, I need to put this rage somewhere useful because if not, I'm just going to die with it.
SPEAKER_04:I know, man, it fills up my whole day. I think
SPEAKER_03:at first it was when I started to learn that you had actually not necessarily control, totally total control over your birth, but it was like something that it's not as fearful as they make you believe that it is. And that's when I knew that I wanted to work with women and to give them that tool of having authority over their own body.
SPEAKER_01:For me, it was being a doula was more of a calling. I felt like because of it, it brought me back to a happy place. Like as a kid, I was always around babies. I was always babysitting around little ones, pregnant people. And that gave me peace. That gave me comfort. And after what had happened, and then after this calling, it brought me back to peace. It brought me back to tranquility. I was able to really ground into myself and find that peace of mind. And being around and helping women during their birthing process, it brings peace to me. It's comforting. It's like a grounding session for me.
SPEAKER_04:It centers you. Do you find that you did a really high physical touch skill, gift, healing with being a massage therapist? Did you find that it was just a lot to have that much physical contact with somebody while you were struggling with something that was such a physical fear or trauma in your own body, Desiree?
SPEAKER_01:At the start, it was just because doing that, it brought so much pain. Physically doing it, It brought so much pain to my body. But me, I'm like, I could do this. I'm not going to stop. No one's going to tell me I'm going to stop. But then my body started deteriorating. So then I had to stop. And then I kind of went into like a deep, silent depression. And I had someone, my husband, bring me out of that. So now when I do massage, if I do massage, it's not how I used to, but it doesn't bring me like... I'm not back in that place I was. I'm not back in rage. I'm not back in, I'm still in pain, but it's not to the extent of what I used to be. Cause I'm not like, I'm not in that mindset. I'm always sad. Like I used to not be able to talk about this. I will cry all the time. I'm surprised I'm not crying, but I will cry all the time talking about this. But now I'm in a space where I can openly talk about it. I'm not shedding tears. You know, I'm just here speaking my story. And this is my healing process. Me speaking, finally speaking about it. So it took me a while to get there, but I'm here now and I like it here. I don't want to go back. I don't want to. It's only up from here.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Yeah, I found it really hard to I stepped back from birth work, you know, when I had a few like major traumas as well as just just a hum of ongoing shit. But I remember like right after my dad died by suicide, I tried to do births and it was like just too hard to hold space for people. And then the same thing after leaving domestic violence that I was like, I can't I can't like hold and support and touch someone else when like I was I was I was healing like a Virgo would nice and quiet and private and secret. willing my well myself through it and I I couldn't go back to birth work until I actually got like real loud and proud about that healing experience because just the like holding space was impossible I like just even just witnessing other people having emotional experiences or like I couldn't strong strong arm myself through it okay so Desiree you talked about healing and silence you put in air quotes around that what what does that look like do you like I would love for you to share the difference of like when And you were having like a really private healing process, which... I question the efficacy when it's not coupled with other things because we're not great narrators. We're like actually really terrible narrators for ourselves. We're not very trustworthy. So what was the difference like when you actually started having like an outward, you know, asking for help, asking for support and having other people be participating as you were going through that healing
SPEAKER_01:journey? Well, my healing and silence... was like it was ignoring red flags so I wasn't really healing so
SPEAKER_04:hence everyone got air quotes
SPEAKER_01:it was ignoring the red flags it was the outburst it was it got it got bad to the point where like my outburst was portraying on my child and that's at the point where I had a breakdown and I just can't do this I can't portray I can't put all this on my child because she has nothing to do with it but I also don't want her to see me like that I I want to you know I want her to see her mom happy like you're gonna see me fall but you're not gonna see me deep like that so yeah so I wasn't really hearing healing I was just ignoring red flags saying like I'm okay I'm okay taking on everyone else's problems and having my own problems and they're just like building building building and then like I'm like the female Dr. Phil. So everyone always comes to me. I'm like everyone's therapist, which is cool. I like it. Come to me. Talk to me. But I'm not going to talk to you. Back in the day, that's how I was. So yeah, it was just ignoring red flags. And then where it got to the breaking point, I just, I was talking to my husband. I'm just like, I can't, this is how, this is what I'm dealing with. This is how I'm feeling. I just need your support. I just, I might, be going off on you, or I might be doing this and that. And I just need you to know that it's not out of anger. I'm just trying to cope with things. So he was very understandable. He really was my rock. And even my daughter, she doesn't know it, but she was my rock. And yeah, so... I wasn't really, I was ignoring red flags. And then when I got to a breaking point, I couldn't do it anymore. And that's when I started speaking to my little circle. And then now I have another community with my book club, which is really, really helping. I'm so glad my friend decided to start this book club because it's like, that's it. It's like that's it.
SPEAKER_04:That's amazing. I'm going to throw a recommendation for anybody who wants to come. The Four Agreements is a great one, as is the Body Keep score. It's a beast. And it was our book club last month. Highly recommend. It is. It's a beast. Vicky, when you started getting involved and active after you had a panic attack, was that before you had your unassisted home birth after that?
SPEAKER_03:It was before. Because I had my panic attack, I didn't know I was pregnant. And I went through several therapists where there was one therapist that was telling... Actually, one coach that told me, you need to get a therapy. And I said, okay. So I went and I saw this lady. She was recommended by the group therapy that I joined. And she told me... to confront my abuser and to tell it to certain people in my family circle. And... That didn't went well because it's the last thing that you need to do. It's like, you don't wanna, I don't know why. I was trying
SPEAKER_04:to keep a neutral face and I was like, ooh.
SPEAKER_03:That was not good. And so I spoke to the coach and I said, how should I, how should, like, what should I do? What are the steps that I should be doing? And she said, you don't talk to your abuser. You just, you know, you need to, get therapy with someone that's specialized in that like that is like really and has good results you know and and she said you you don't necessarily go to your religious community because they they will just try to shut it down or like cover it up and you do this and you do that and i did what she said and i called the therapist that i I was working with and I told her, I need to stop. I'm going to find somebody else that can counsel me better. But just before that, because I was going to talk to the people in my surrounding, in my family, I really had that panic attack and I didn't know I was pregnant. And then after I spoke to them, I'm like, okay, I need to stop talking to people because it creates more anxiety and more stress and more pain. more thoughts like my whole life is a lie and you know all these these things and I had nightmares I had flashbacks and it really started to unfold it was it's actually it's a good thing because it was all stored in my body I guess but it was not in French we say it didn't feel good
SPEAKER_04:like yeah like it was it was uncomfortable
SPEAKER_03:yeah and then after that what happened is that I was always sleepy and I thought it was because I had this withdrawal of emotions. And I said, okay, it's either I'm not feeling good, either I'm pregnant. And it was, so the pregnancy part, I didn't think it was that because I was like, it's been four years, we've been trying and nothing's happening. So I'm just going to discard this, like do the test to make sure that it's not that. And yeah. go on with my life. And I didn't want to be pregnant while I was going to, while I was healing, like while I was taking the step to go through this, these, all these emotions and all this, you know, go back in the story and try to, you know, heal from it. And we did this, the test and I was happy, but at the same time, I was like, okay, oh my gosh, like my child is going to feel everything I'm feeling, you know? And, you know, sometimes they say, don't be sad, don't cry while you're pregnant. So I
SPEAKER_02:thought my child was going to
SPEAKER_03:be. And then because of Bebo Mia and all these communities that are like really for children, validating the emotions and tell you that it's it's okay to feel like this you're gonna get through this you know I you know the pressure started to not be so much on my shoulder like and I said okay at least my child will know how to you know express himself you know and how
SPEAKER_04:and he does
SPEAKER_03:yeah so I started doing stuff that I used to do when I was younger to cope, but I didn't know it was healthy because of certain beliefs that I had that was given by the religion. I stopped doing stuff that I really enjoyed and that was healthy for me, like singing. Dancing was like out of my vocabulary. And then I started doing that. While I was pregnant and I started putting on Beyonce, what's her name? Lizzo. And I was like, where was this all my life? And I would dance and dance. And my husband was like, wow, like you flourish, you know, you're glowing. And I'm like, I don't know what's going on, but it just makes me feel good. And it really, really, really helped getting the emotions out of my body. That was during my pregnancy and as well to advocate for myself. Like I said, I want a free birth and I want to give birth at home regardless if there's a midwife or not. Like I just want to do it the way I said I want to do it. And even when my midwife was supportive, but she had concerns because I had issues with my... platelets. And that's always like that, like for all my pregnancy, I had that. And I was looking for information on that to reassure other people that nothing is wrong, nothing wrong is going to happen. Like, I'm not going to get into a mirage. And but I couldn't find it. And I said, you know what, I trust myself. And if something happens, well, you know, I'll just go to the hospital. And if something happens, like, death is part of it, you know, death is part of it's one of the things that can go wrong. And it's not because I'm, I'm at home that it's more prevalent, you know, like hospital, like if you're in the hospital, it's the same, you know, as if you were to me, that's what it was like.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So I
SPEAKER_04:want to highlight that just before you go on. It's one of the key factors in, in, accepting and celebrating unassisted delivery is that you are personally responsible and okay with whatever the outcome is. And until you can land at that spot, including death, which is a reality of being alive, that you are prepared for unassisted birth. And it's one of the factors that people struggle with when you birth outside a system or do anything outside a system is when stepped away from a system, you now have personal responsibility to which is a gift and a curse. We like the systems as much as we hate them because we get to blame the school, blame the hospital, blame the judge, blame the... We get to blame someone else. And not that there needs to be blame for most of the things that happen, depending on the context. But when we're talking about unassisted, I'm like, until you can be like, I might die, my baby might die, but that might happen no matter where we are. And I take responsibility for that. And... that is like the marker of like, yeah, get on with your bad self with your unassisted birth. So that was a redemptive experience for you. Totally. And I was,
SPEAKER_03:my husband was like, he was not on board. He was, he was not on board, but because he's like, if something happens, I have to deal with everything, you know? And I'm like, no, it's, it's okay. And I said, it's, it's okay. You can trust me, you know? And one of the things that, that we talked about it was like he was concerned that it was for my ego like um you know just to feel like i can brag about the fact that i who cares if it was mr vicky yeah who cares but you know it was not for that but yeah because if it's for me if it's that for me it was like it's pointless because you know, you, you're, you're turning your back on everybody that wants to help you. And like, that can help you just for the sake of saying, you know, I did it, but that was not that. And I told him, I said, I feel safe for home because I know how to give birth. If I go to the hospital and he see my, my, they see my, my results with my platelets, he's, They're going to be, they want to operate a cesarean, a C-section on me. And I'm like, it's the worst thing that you can do to someone that has low platelets. If they're not intelligent enough to know that, then it's better for me to stay home and just, you know, pretend if ever I have to go to the hospital. Well, say I didn't know I was giving birth and just, you know.
SPEAKER_04:It is my fifth. It just came upon me.
SPEAKER_03:You know? So because we had that conversation, he was more able to just be there for me and don't say nothing and just be there. Like, just do what you have to do and just support me and shut up. Don't say, if you have anything intelligent or... or uh support him to say just shut up
SPEAKER_04:I bet he loved that yes he did that's funny I have more questions about the where people can go for resources but Desiree have you thought about your next birth now that you've announced your pregnancy here I
SPEAKER_01:have an unassisted home
SPEAKER_04:birth oh shit well friends friends friends friends there you go
SPEAKER_03:yeah definitely I like me girl I can I can definitely help you with that
SPEAKER_01:and my sister my sister is pregnant as well and I'm her doula and she wants she wants to have a home birth or at a birth incentive but she's pushing more to the home birth so I'm for it I'm ready and yeah I'm excited what does your husband think of the free birth for it he trusts me honestly like he just like you got this I'm like I know I know
SPEAKER_03:go
SPEAKER_01:brag that's
SPEAKER_03:good yeah
SPEAKER_01:yeah so he's for it so I hope it's a single I think I don't know everyone keeps saying it's doubled I just it's a drastic change to go to one or three yeah so quick so I'm just hoping I'll just go to one or two and not three so you'll find out you'll find
SPEAKER_04:out all right all right all right well we'll update the audience when we find out if there's one or two in there or more okay well now that we're on the free birth vicky where where is your favorite free birth community
SPEAKER_03:well my my favorite one is in the birth yeah they're really they're really down to earth and You know, they really give you tools that are helpful to understand where you stand. Like you could, it's just, they give you a variety of possibilities that you can choose from. And that way, you know, you get to pick where you're at and how to do what you want. And that's good.
SPEAKER_04:Desiree, have you been researching yet? Do you have your faves?
SPEAKER_01:I don't have my faves yet.
SPEAKER_04:All
SPEAKER_01:right. But I don't have my faves yet. So I'm like taking notes as she says.
SPEAKER_04:We'll make sure we'll put all of these resources in the show notes. And if Vicky has any other follow-up resources, we'll put them in the blog. So y'all can head over to the blog cast and check that out. For any birth workers out there trained by Boom Boom Mia, please check your scope of practice. I just need to put that caveat in there. All right, y'all. What would you say to... either you before you started doing this work or to somebody else who is suffering in silence, what would your sage words of wisdom be? I
SPEAKER_03:would
SPEAKER_01:say it's okay not to be okay. It's okay not to be okay. And doing it alone, It's hard. Whether you want to seek professional help, like a therapist, or you have a close-knit, strong-knit, supportive family, tribe, whatever you want to call it, to help you through this. But it's okay not to be okay for the moment. It's only for a period of time. It's not for your entire life. And when you get to that point where you want to start getting back to yourself, it feels so liberating it feels so liberating and you're gonna never want to go back to that dark space where you were before even even along the way if you have like some obstacles you can still get through it you're not it's not it probably won't be a straight shot from down to up you probably will have some bumps in the road you probably will have to cut off some people but um It's only for the sake of your peace of mind and your healing. So it's okay not to be okay.
SPEAKER_04:That was beautiful. Thanks, Desiree. Vicky, what would you say to either your younger self or to somebody else who's suffering in silence? I think Desiree said it all.
SPEAKER_03:I just want to add, really find someone that can validate your emotions. That was the most important thing. for me because if you don't have people that truly understand and like not only understand but allow you to be and be uncomfortable with you while you're having your uncomfortable feelings well it's you're always gonna you know push them down and it's not gonna you're not gonna heal and healing is not necessarily like today I'm healed and like for the rest of my life, like healing is a journey and it's, it's ongoing. And sometimes you, you think you're like, okay, I'm healing. I, you know, now I know. And something, a trigger push you back into it. And that's when, you know, you have to talk about it. If you stay like Sisa, if you, if you stay with it, it's not going to be good. It's not going to go well. But if you're able to express and let it out and speak about it and have like a good self-care, that's going to be good for you.
SPEAKER_04:Those are beautiful. My quick tips that I would say to anybody going through this process, which as both Desiree and Vicky said, it's not linear. It's not, you know, start, stop. It's an ongoing up and down process. I would recommend you have a few support people. It's not reasonable for any one person in your life to be the holder of your healing journey. Everyone will have a different role in that. I would also recommend that you have to be very intentional with how much space that event or that person gets to take up in your head, which is a little bit where Virgos give a leg up on our willpower. But one of my favorite pieces of advice after domestic violence was you also get to Yeah. And I had to be very intentional with that to just like as soon as I started thinking about that person or replaying events or, you know, terrible memories or traumas that I was like, no, you don't get to do that right now. And then when they would just naturally come up, like I'd have a smell and then have a memory of that. Then those were the ones that I was like, OK, that's my body. That's my body remembering, which those are the more like genius ones that that catch you off guard. But the rest, I was like, oh, I actually have a little more autonomy over my space, which is really, really empowering. as a victim of ongoing sexual and emotional and financial abuse. those would be a couple I would say find some communities that are in alignment with what you're going through and also be ready to move on from those communities I had one of for narcissistic abuse and I was like oh I actually kind of fatigued of it because I didn't need to stay in the stories but it felt really really good for a brief time where I was like oh yeah me too and oh yeah that's normal and oh yeah but then I was like I don't need to do this every morning as I wake up to like see how everyone's doing with their narcissistic abusers so also like you might move on from you some from elements of your healing experience. And that's okay too, because that's the goal is to no longer need all those supports in the exact same way. So if I think of any other tips, I'll throw them in the blog cast. But I think those are all really, really great starting points for anyone. Now, I would love for folks who loved you guys as much as I do to be able to find you in the virtual spaces or in real life. So Vicky, let's start with you. Not only your doula practice, which we will have the handles where to find Vicky in the broadcast and the show notes, but you're also the founder of the Black Doulas of Quebec Facebook group. And that's for both birth workers and parents of African and Caribbean descent. Tell us about what that community looks like.
SPEAKER_03:Well, it's all the... doulas that are located in Quebec province and so that I realized that we were more than just three that's good yeah and they all want the same thing you know they want to fight for like advocate for for our community a black community so parents if they want to join and find and be connected with someone that's in their area in the province of Quebec they can go there to to find a black doula
SPEAKER_04:amazing and that's French and English or predominantly French or French and English well it's French and English yeah okay great anything anything coming up do you have room on your client roster right now for births I do
SPEAKER_03:I do especially postpartum July July yeah July is gonna be the month where I can take birth do I do as well virtual yeah I can take assist and give childbirth classes one-on-one
SPEAKER_04:cbe yeah yeah so if you want to check out vicky's company we will put those in the show notes desiree tell us about this the other
SPEAKER_01:thing that i have working up is making my all-natural baby formula because you don't Shortage on baby formula. And in my opinion, the baby formula that is out there is no good, in my opinion. And when my daughter was a baby, it was a stressful time because it was, you know, after my trauma and I wasn't producing enough to provide for my child. But I refused to, you know, go out and buy her something. So I made her food. She loved it. And it was very nutritional and healthy. It was good for her and everything. So yeah, my sister hit me up and she's like, you know, there's a shortage of baby formula. And I was like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Might as well just, you know, make my formula and it's all natural. And so that's in the mix right now. I'm talking to a nutritionist right now to get that up, you know, just so I can have like my eyes dotted, my T's crossed and stuff. So yeah, coming soon, coming soon. Oh, wow. That
SPEAKER_04:is a big undertaking. Good for you. That's very, very exciting. And client care, what do you have on the roster? Do you have any room in your docket for dual clients?
SPEAKER_01:Since I'm pregnant, I think I'm a way to go after, honestly, because my body is so sensitive, right? being around like I know and when we were in class we learned you know being around someone who is laboring can alter your body that is a fact because I was helping my one client and I was feeling every contraction it wasn't as tense as hers but I felt every contraction she was feeling it altered my period so my body is like sensitive so now that I'm I don't want to, you know, I'm way too after birth to start taking more clients.
SPEAKER_04:That's very reasonable. I love that you know your body that well. That's beautiful. That's so great. Any final thoughts from either of you? What's happening in the birth world at large? Or any recommendations?
SPEAKER_01:I also have My Sacred Sauna, which is my honey herbal business. Steams? Steams. Yes, on Etsy. So I'm getting back into that, making more products, making more herbal blends, adding more inventory to my shop. So, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:We will link that as well. I would like to buy some. I will check out your shop. I've been talking a lot about it in our house right now, and I'm trying to get Gray on board. We'll see how that goes.
SPEAKER_01:Deep into my healing, I feel comfortable. starting back making products. Because before I didn't want to make and put that energy into my products. So now that I'm in a good space right now, I can get back to doing that. So that's what I'm doing.
SPEAKER_04:That's good. That's great. Thank you both for joining us. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your healing and, you know, being so vulnerable. It's such a gift. And if anyone here wants to reach out to Desiree or Vicky, we have the ways to connect with them. I highly recommend it. There'll be some resources there on free births. You'll hear about their businesses, any of our musings. You can check them all out in the show notes and the blog. Thank you both for being here and for our episode two of the student edition. Thanks, y'all.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you.
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