Wellness and Wealth
Wellness and Wealth
Self-Compassion Over Hustle: Mindful Leadership for Female Entrepreneurs with Melissa Arroyo
We explore how mindful self-compassion helps women founders trade hustle and grind for gentle, sustainable motivation. A counselor shares practical tools, early warning signs of overload, and simple grounding skills to build a business with real boundaries.
• definition of mindful self-compassion for female entrepreneurs
• compassionate motivation versus hustle culture
• using mindfulness to return to the present
• therapist-backed skills before other interventions
• Melissa’s journey from burnout to better boundaries
• designing business hours and email expectations
• three pillars: mindfulness, self-kindness, common humanity
• warning signs of overload and isolation
• grounding methods: 5-4-3-2-1, nature, “where are your feet”
• self-kindness tactics: comfort, soothe, validate, provide, protect, motivate
Guest handout link
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Connect with Wendy Manganaro:
Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of Wellness and Wealth. I'm Wendy Manganera, your host, and we're back for another great show today. Today's topic is the need for mindful self-compassion for female entrepreneurs. Our special guest is Melissa. And we'll get right into it. Melissa is a mental health counselor in the state of Texas. She is an LPC associate, supervised by Cecilia Segura Paz, LPCS. She specializes in working with highly stressed adults, greeting adults with past soul wounds that are hard to shake. Melissa has her own private practice and aims to inspire hope, collaborate in healing, and aid in the harmony of body, mind, and spirit. Welcome to the show, Melissa. Thanks for being with us today.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be with you.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, I'm just delighted about this topic because I think self-compassion is right up there with self-worth. Very important women and very important female entrepreneurs. So I'd love for you to share with us what does mindful self-compassion mean to you.
SPEAKER_01:Mindful self-compassion means to me being able to be there for myself authentically, with kindness, you know, supporting way, and also gently pushing myself to get my stuff done. Because I think sometimes when we think of motivation, we think uh the aggressive motivation we see from football players, all the cussing and all that stuff. We can actually motivate ourselves in a compassionate way and push ourselves compassionately as well. So that's what it means to me.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, I feel like that I'm very anti-hustle and grind that that it could be really dangerous. So I think that's really a great way to say that about self-compassion. For you, I want to hear a little bit more about self-compassion, how that motivating works in a more self-compassionate way.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, of course. Self-compassion was created by Dr. Kristeneth. I can't take the credit for that. So just disclaimer it's something that I really love using with all my clients. I work with a lot of people who have trauma and anxiety and a lot of professionals. And I do find that being able to provide mindful self-compassion, even before we really get started with other skills, because I'm a very skill-based therapist, it allows them the opportunity to be more inviting to themselves and actually motivate themselves into getting better. Instead of calling ourselves all the names in the book or thinking maybe it's not enough because it doesn't tend to fall in that spectrum. And that those are things that we tend to do as especially people who are achievers. And you know, that whole anti-hustle and grind thing. I totally get that. I'm just getting out of that habit and I'm slowly getting out of that. And it's feels so much better. Still have those tendencies sometimes to try to motivate myself, like, oh, I'm not really doing anything. However, it's not helpful. Always being on the go is not helpful. We're only human. We need to be able to make sure to be able to be more present and in mindful self-compassion, that's part of the mindfulness, being present and in the moment when we're aware of what we need. That's one of the first steps. It's so easy to get locked in a career or being a parent where we're just on the go and we don't have time to check in on ourselves. We're thinking about everything under the moon, the next thing we have to do. So being able to learn skills to bring ourselves back into the present moment so we could be aware and kind of without like I need water. Oh my gosh, I need to work out right now. Right. It's more like, okay, this is what I need right now. Like, yeah, I could use some more healthy eating habits, right? Instead of like, oh man, I'm eating all these pounds, I'm getting bat, right? It's more of like, okay, being present aware with acceptance and without judgment.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and I like that you said that because one of the things that you were saying that is is I think, and that's what I think happens, is we make it a chore. Instead of making it a chore to be mindful to being self-compassionate. Or to do that. I'm not a big exercise person. For me, it's this dread, and then I actually exercise and I enjoy it, but it's the being okay with the fact that it's not my favorite thing in the world. So I don't have to make it into a chore either makes it worse for myself, where it's that judgmental part. So let's say then your journey to life self-compassion, because I know when I was getting my MBA, I was I was my son was about eight years old. I was running a business, I was running part of a nonprofit. And during that time, I looked back, people would say, Can you handle this? And I was like, Yeah, sure, I would take on all of this stuff. It was very stressful period in my life to be able to take it a step back, not do everything for everyone.
SPEAKER_01:Funny enough, in the job that I was working at before I started my own private practice, they taught these skills because it was an intensive outpatient group. They had a curriculum for us, and one of the tools they used was mindful self-compassion. That's where I came across the idea. Before that, I was already trying to work on myself as far as being more kind to myself. I've had a long journey and becoming a counselor opens your eyes to a lot of things. Counselors are encouraged, especially in grad school, to seek counseling yourself. You need to be okay to help others be okay too. And so going back to this other job that I had before, I noticed that I was like, wow, a lot of these skills, because I had to learn it because I could teach it too. A lot of these skills were applicable for me. Being present, I've always been a little more aware of that. I grew up in an interesting family. My mom's very Catholic, and my dad, you know, he's a Christian. He taught me how to meditate when I was in middle school. So I was in that realm already. I didn't always stick to it, but I had a taste of mindfulness like it. And it was the other parts of mindful self-compassion that really pushed me to figure out what it was because self-kindness, the way they describe self-kindness, and they even break it down into ways that you can be kind to yourself, comforting, soothing, validating, providing, protecting, and motivating ourselves. Those are ways to be kind to ourselves. And the fact that I had something to look at to break it down to oh, providing to myself is kind. That's interesting. And protecting myself doesn't just mean like from harm, danger, someone's going out to get you, but even protecting myself from overworking myself, right? I'm gonna burn myself out. Let me make sure I could pump the brakes here. And so when I was in that job, I realized that I was working way too much. I was seeing a lot of clients and I was feeling run down. I just got out of grad school, I shouldn't be feeling like that. I was not making enough money, so I was worried about my financial status, and I was so stressful. I didn't want to get locked into that type of mindset. And so I took a leap of faith and jumped into becoming an entrepreneur and slowly getting my practice going. And, you know, there's stressors to becoming an entrepreneur. And I didn't learn all this stuff in grad school. What I learned was to be a counselor, not to open up a business. So it's a lot of learning. And I have more time for myself, which is a blessing. I I think it's like God trying to tell me, okay, slow down. You really need to take care of yourself because you've been on 150 for a really long time. I really like it. That's me finding my mindful self-compassion, me being able to look at myself and be like, hey, you're doing a lot right now. It's okay to take your time doing things. When you don't have to think about work, I made sure that I have Friday through Saturday as my days off, doing my best not to look at my emails and all that stuff like, hey, it's okay. You don't have to look at your email. People understand when you're closed, you're closed. So you have to allow yourself to not look at your email. And that's been my journey to mindful self-compassion. I just really love sharing it with people.
SPEAKER_00:You said so many things there, but the emails that's so funny. I literally just put on an email saying I only check emails every two to three days once with sergent, and I'll go get most things are emergencies for emails. Potential clients might take priority, but other than that, everything else can be answered in a timely manner, but not as fast as I would have at one time. And as a marketing agency owner, who are sent those boundaries of I don't need to work weekends, the more free time I gave myself, the more my clients appreciated it. And the other thing you're talking about was this idea of opening up the practice and that it's a blessing and being able to take that break. A lot of entrepreneurs get into it, and they end up sometimes working as their business than if they work for somebody else. So starting out with that idea of what do I want my business to look like is really helpful for those who are entrepreneurs who are not practicing mindful self-compassion with those warning signs.
SPEAKER_01:I think this connection. So, real quick, like the three pillars for mindful self-compassion is mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity. Um, and so I think in that common humanity, so a little explanation of that is us connecting with other people, first by knowing that we're not alone, like in our head, sometimes we make it feel like I'm the only person in the universe struggling with this, which is usually not true. Even if a situation is unique, there's still some similarities with other people. And in that, it's also disconnecting with other people as like actually communicating, because we are social creatures by nature. Even introverts have at least one person that's their favorite person, and I'll reach out to them. One of my best friends. I know she's struggling whenever she's really hard to reach. Um, aside from that, she'll text me at least every day a little bit. And then when she's not reaching out to me, I know there's something going on. Ask her, she's like, Oh, how'd you know? Like, while you're not talking to me. So that's one of the warning signs when you're not connecting with other people. Another warning sign is when you're overloaded, when you're saying yes to basically everything by setting boundaries, and boundaries are a form of protection. If you're saying yes to everything, there's a good chance that you're saying yes to things you don't need to be doing, or that can be set for a later time, being able to prioritize really what you need. And that's a form of protection, understanding our own needs, being in your head more, being on your to-do list more, not being in the moment. And maybe not a lot of people have practice with that. A good sign of that is if you're not really able to enjoy your food. You don't have time to go to the restroom, you're thinking of stuff. It's really easy to get caught up in your head, and those are some big signs that you're doing too much.
SPEAKER_00:I have done all of those things. It's been twent my career and go wait a second, what just happened to you on the other side of that. It's hard to notice that you're in that spot until you're in it. I don't even know how that happens, but you're suddenly like, what is going on? Right? Because you don't if and I always feel like that, like if our own brain could stop us sometimes from doing it prior to that works, but sometimes you're in the midst of it and you're like, I don't have a clue what just happened to you. I was doing all this stuff, it's working out well, and now I haven't seen anybody talk to anybody eaten in hours. And you're like, How did you get here? And I think that's what happens, and so it's good to know what those warning signs are. How do you plug yourself out of that? Because a lot of times we get into those things that we don't even realize until it's a little too late where you're feeling very uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. And it's all about prevention. The fact that you know that you can get there, I think that's already a sign that you know, like, oh, hey, let me make sure I don't get there. Mindfulness is a skill, it's not just a state of being, it's a choice that we have to make for ourselves, practicing skills that help us become present. There's there's a variety of skills using your five senses. The one that a lot of therapists use is called 54321. So you name five things you see around you, four things you hear around you. Then what are three things you could physically feel against your skin? What are two things that you can smell? And what's one thing that you could taste? So that's one of the skills of just using your five senses. It doesn't have to be in that order. You could use your senses in general and it helps bring you back. Going out in nature walks, that's one of my favorite ways because I can look at trees and rocks and touch things. My dogs are there with me, so they pull me back if I'm in my head too much. They allow me to like, oh shoot, there's another dog, gotta make sure my dogs are okay. So I'm like, I was getting in my head. Let me get back. Having things that help you bring yourself to your surroundings essentially are ways to practice mindfulness. And that's something that we need to practice every day because we usually use scoping skills that we are familiar with. Already in the deep end, we're usually reaching life for the junk food, maybe some drinks, some different things, right? We reach for the things that we know that have brought us some comfort before, soothed us in some way. And they're not always the best for us. Being able to prevent that is one of the best ways. And of course, we're still gonna get there sometimes, and that's where being kind to ourselves, like, okay, I get it. I allowed myself to get here again, and that's not where we're mean to ourselves. We still come to ourselves with comfort, doing things that are emotionally comforting, and that looks different for everyone. Could be talking to someone that you really care about, listening to music that you love, doing some thing soothing, having some tea or coffee, having a hot hour, practicing validation skills, self-validation skills. Like I felt really overwhelmed today because I had so much on my plate. I understand that other people would feel overwhelmed if they had this much on my plate of validating ourselves. It sounds silly because it's like, oh, I'm just talking about how I feel. However, we seek that as well as people. So being able to go back to the skill is funny because it's like, okay, we get overwhelmed. Actually, using mindful self-compassion is a way to help you when you're dealing with those rough spots, too. So prevention and treatment.
SPEAKER_00:I actually never heard the 54321. That's a new one for me. So that's a really interesting one. Kind of like that. Years ago, though, and I guess in the platform, I had a friend who would not get overwhelmed. And I called her, she'd say, Where are your feet? And then she'd have me describe things in the room. I actually shared that with a lot of people. It's similar to what you're saying, but that's how she would word it. Where are your feet? What do you see? Because I'm usually future tripping, that's usually my thing. So that was always a good thing to have is like this idea of bringing yourself back to that present moment by what's in your surroundings. And so I really like the 54321.
SPEAKER_01:That's uh skill, I think, that a lot of therapists I'll have new clients who have gone to therapy before and they're like, oh, I've read this one before. I'm like, cool, so you already know. Let's practice it. And yeah, where are your feet? I love that one too. Anything that gets you to your present surroundings, I think it's a good reminder of I don't have to be future tripping right now. And I also don't have to be in my past. I could be right here right now in front of me.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think that's really good. And I think that has a lot to do with compassion too. So I want to thank you for your time today. This has been a great conversation, and I loved some of the tools that you gave our listeners. So thank you so much. I know you have an offer. If you want to tell people how to get that, then it'd be great.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, sure. I mean, these handouts, they're based off the mindful self-compassion workbook. I use these with my clients. You could also find the Michael Self-Campassion workbook because I want to give them credit. These are just some tools that I use. I broke it down in my way. So you could find it on your link. This is exclusive for your listeners, and they could download it and take a look at it whenever. And it's basically about mindful self-compassion. It breaks down the three come the three pillars, the three components of mindful self-compassion and figuring out ways to comfort yourself, validate yourself, provide, protect, and motivate. Thank you so much for having me, Wendy.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. And I will have that link enter your in those show notes and go look for that. Also, I'll have Welsa and social media up so that you can connect with her. Thank you so much, Walsa, for being on the show today. Thank you again, Wendy. And too much listeners, if you love what you heard today, please write us a review and subscribe so you don't miss any of the upcoming shows.
