Breaking the Cycle: Raising Body-Positive Children in a Body-Shaming World

Hey mama, ever wondered how we can break the cycle of body shaming and build a positive body image for our little ones? We're tackling this pressing issue head-on today, discussing the alarming trends of body dissatisfaction amongst kids and the urgent need to change this narrative. We're arming ourselves with the tools needed to foster a home environment that encourages children to love their bodies and feel safe in their skin. Don't miss out as we share practical tips and powerful strategies to help you raise confident, body-positive children.

Ever noticed how our words and actions have a significant impact on our kids' perception of their body? Well, we're diving deep into the importance of speaking kindly about our bodies, normalizing body changes, and celebrating body diversity. Let's learn together how to emphasize non-physical traits in our children and guide them to appreciate the beauty of being uniquely created. Join us as we challenge the damaging diet culture narrative and endeavor to end the generational legacy of body shame. Because no child should ever feel their body is wrong. So, are you ready to start this journey, mama? Let's do this together.

Show Notes: 

• [Podcast Episode]: "3 Ways to Help Your Kids Love Their Bodies (Even if You Don't Love Yours)"
• [Free Support Group]: Lift the Shame Virtual Support Group

Questions about today's episode or do you have topic requests for future episodes? Please send your feedback via email to hello@crystalkarges.com or connect with Crystal on Instagram.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Hey there, mama, you're listening to the Lift the Shame podcast. I'm your host, crystal, mama of Five and your family's intuitive eating dietitian, here to help you cut through the diet culture clutter so you can enjoy feeding with food as a family. I'm on a mission to help you end the generational legacy of diet culture in your home so you can experience motherhood free from food guilt and body shame. Listen in weekly for guidance on how you can ditch diet culture, heal your relationship with food in your body and confidently raise intuitive eaters. Let's dive in and lift the shame together. Hey, mama, welcome back to the show.

Speaker 1: 0:40

As always, love having you here, and today I wanted to talk a little bit about body image and how you, as a mother, have the ability to build up your child's body image. Because here's the thing kids aren't born hating their bodies, and yet we're starting to see alarming trends of children struggling with poor body image from younger and younger ages. In fact, research has actually shown that body dissatisfaction has been reported in children as young as age seven to nine, and I actually think that this is happening at younger and younger ages, and one study in particular found that approximately 40% of elementary school age children reported that they tried to diet to lose weight due to body dissatisfaction or feeling like something was wrong with their bodies, and so this is a huge issue, and I know, as a parent who is tuning in to this podcast, you want to take intentional steps to ensure that your child doesn't inherit a legacy of body shaming or poor body image, and it can feel like an uphill battle when we look at all the messages that our kids are exposed to today, things that we hear people talking about. I mean diet. Culture has infiltrated so many different spaces that our children are being exposed to messages that are seeding these false beliefs that their bodies are wrong, and this is something that I know as a parent yourself, you may be working through and trying to unlearn these deep seeded and internalized beliefs or narratives that there's something wrong with your body and that you have to change it or fix it, and this can be a really challenging topic, and I know there's a lot that we can definitely unpack in this topic in particular. Today, i just wanted to start by sharing some practical tips and applications, things that you can do today as a parent to better support your child's body image, because the reality is that we cannot keep our kids in a bubble. We cannot protect them from hearing all these damaging messages that they will inevitably encounter about their bodies, but what we can do is help support them to essentially become impervious to these damaging messages, or to build resilience to these damaging messages, to be able to recognize these messages for what they are their false, and to not internalize those things, so that they can grow confident in their bodies and be able to protect and nurture their bodies for the God-given gifts that they are. And so I realize that, again, this is a very large topic.

Speaker 1: 3:15

Many of us are dealing with an inherited legacy of body shame, and not by choice. These are issues that have gone back for generations, and I just want to encourage you and remind you that the sole responsibility of changing that is not on your shoulders alone. However, you can start to take proactive steps to again shift out of this damaging narrative that bodies are wrong, in order to better support your children and to create an environment within your home and with your family that celebrates all bodies and that allows your child to feel safe within their own body. So I'm just going to share some tips today. I know that we're in the midst of our summer months here at the time of this recording, and many kids are getting more exposure to other people's bodies just by default of it being summer, being in bathing suits, or just may have more awareness of their own body during this time of year. And so if you're noticing that your child is making comments, maybe about their own body or other people's bodies, i just want to invite you to be curious about that.

Speaker 1: 4:18

I know, as a parent who is trying to shift away from generational legacies of body shaming, that it can be very alarming to hear your own child maybe talking or making comments about their own body or other people's bodies and to want to swoop in and just figure out like, how do I fix this or how do I prevent my child from internalizing any negative messages about their body. And I know it's scary, and I just want to invite you to lean in with some curiosity and to start having conversations with your child about their own body and how we look at bodies and to start creating a perspective that is freeing and also just inviting of them being able to explore their body for what it is and how it functions and all the different unique characteristics that make them who they are. So I wanted to just run through these five tips for you, and I'd love to just invite your questions and your thoughts about this topic because, again, i know that this is a huge topic within itself and I've received many questions from many of you about how to begin shifting these legacies of body shaming, because we don't want our kids to inherit that legacy. So these are things that you can start doing today, and, as I'm going through some of these tips and ideas, i just want to encourage you to think about one thing that really sticks out to you or resonates with you, and focus on implementing that thing in your home. Sometimes, when we are trying to do so much for our kids, to help support them in a positive way, we can feel overwhelmed by all the different things that we feel like we have to be doing, and so just remember that baby steps count, and baby steps are often even more monumental in shifting the tide in our homes and in our families. I just want to encourage you, to remind you that you are doing an amazing job for your family. Don't ever underestimate your effort and how you're showing up for your kids in terms of making a difference for them and for your family. So here are some ideas five ways that you can encourage and build up your child's body image to help again support them in becoming resilient to diet culture, messages about their bodies or this idea that their body is wrong or that they need to somehow change their body, because this can be such a trigger for disordered eating or eating disorders.

Speaker 1: 6:36

Right Like, when a child feels like something's wrong with my body, they start to look for external things to change their body, to make it feel like I'm making myself more acceptable in this arbitrary standard that diet culture has created. So first thing here is really leaning into praising your child's character over their appearance. This is very common where children are used to being praised for how they look, for what they wear, for, you know, as kids get older, their style which, again, there's nothing inherently wrong with those things. However, when those are the only things that our kids are used to hearing about themselves, they can start to develop this idea that how I look is the most important thing about me And we want to instead really emphasize and focus on their character and the qualities about them that isn't going to be changed or influenced by how they look or what they're wearing that day. You know so character qualities that we can look for our strength, determination, resilience, active kindness. And this is a beautiful thing for us to do And it can be really challenging, i know for me.

Speaker 1: 7:47

As a child, i remember meeting or seeing adults and that was the first thing that I remember hearing is oh, i love your dress, i love your hair. I intended to be as compliments. However, again, when these are the only things that kids are used to hearing, they start to believe that this is the most important thing. This is what people see, and so I need to focus on making this look a certain way, and so we really want to be intentional with our own children about praising those aspects of them that have nothing to do with their appearance. And there's so many wonderful things that we can look for in our kids that can emphasize those qualities about them that are praiseworthy and that are important, right Like we want our children to grow up to be kind, to be generous, to be thoughtful, to be strong and resilient to you know, to make effort when things are really tough, perseverance These are all amazing qualities that our children have that we can be more intentional about praising versus what they're wearing or what they look like. And that brings me to tip number two is really reminding our kids that how they look is the least important thing about them, and this can come up in different ways.

Speaker 1: 8:55

I know a lot of things that I've seen with my own kids is they'll get dressed or they'll say how do I look, mom? You know, my daughter my youngest right now is going through a phase where she loves dressing up, and we don't want to discourage that And, again, there's nothing inherently wrong with that. We want our kids to develop their own sense of personality in that way, and how we talk about that with them, i think, is what's most important. And so one thing I've tried to do with my daughter, when she comes out in her outfit of the day, how do I look, mama? And I reverse, kind of put a question on her and say well, honey, how do you feel? How do you feel in that dress? Can you go and play? Can you climb the trees like you love doing? Are you going to be able to move around? Do you feel comfortable in that? And this is important to help them think about how they're dressing and the choices that they're making around that in the sense of, does it help my body do the things that I want to do in my body? And this can be a helpful pivot and just perspective changer.

Speaker 1: 9:52

And that's something that I've tried to do with my kids, because that has come up Like how do I look? And I might say, well, how do you feel? and generate their response and listen to what they're saying around that and just reminding them you know, how you look is the least important thing about you. There are so many other things about you that I love. I love that you're adventurous, i love that you love being outside and looking for bugs and roly-poly's and climbing trees. I love those things about you. And there's so many things that I love about you that don't have anything to do with how you look.

Speaker 1: 10:25

And I think when we can start to seed these little conversations with our kids, it can be so powerful and helping them build that resilience and that strength within themselves and also just reminding them again how they look is the least important thing about them And we can say that to them How you look is the least important thing about you, and I've tried to incorporate this in different stories like fairy tales or things that my kids will hear or see. They're watching movies and you know so-and-so is dressed so beautiful. I love her dress And you know I might say, for example, i'm thinking about Beauty and the Beast My kid, my kid, i was watching that recently and you know my kids were commenting like, oh, she's so beautiful, i love her dress, i love what she's wearing, and I just tried to highlight yes, ann Bell is so strong and she's so bright of right, like to go out in the woods and look for her dad, and she's very creative And I love that. She tried to help her dad with this invention And she loves to read. And really just emphasizing that how she looks is the least important thing about her, because our kids are picking this up in different medias and different things that they're reading and different things that they're watching, and so when we can kind of come behind them and highlight those other aspects about this character that they admire or someone that they're watching, you know, reminding them that really how a person looks is the least important thing about them, that can be so impactful in how they look at people and how they look at bodies and how they look at their own bodies And we can be a big part of creating that perspective shift for them.

Speaker 1: 12:03

So tip number three here is learning to speak kindly about your own body in front of your children. This is a really powerful one. I did an episode on this about just supporting your kids with your body image when you're still struggling with body image yourself, and I will make sure to link to that episode in the show notes for you. I know this can be hard for so many reasons, and how our bodies change through motherhood can be really difficult And there's so many things that influence the way that we feel about our body where, honestly, it can be really hard to find something positive to say about our bodies in front of our kids. And this is where I get excited about the potential to shift out of these body shaming narratives and legacies that many of us have inherited.

Speaker 1: 12:50

Many of us grew up and did not hear our caregivers talk about their bodies in a positive way. In fact, we heard the opposite. We heard our caregivers shaming themselves or weighing themselves or nitpicking different parts about their bodies. Or maybe you know you never saw your mom get in the pool or put her bathing suit on with you because she talked about how poorly she felt about her body. Or maybe even if your parent or caregiver didn't talk poorly about their own body in front of you, you might have heard your parents or caregivers talk negatively about other people's bodies And that, again, that seeds this belief that how people look or the size of their body is the most important thing about them. And I now need to be hyper focused on how my body looks. And so it is so powerful for our children to hear us not just refrain from talking about our body in a negative way, but to really hear us talking about our body in a positive way And in the same line that I mentioned earlier, where we want to emphasize function and characteristics of our children.

Speaker 1: 13:54

Learning to do that for yourself, too, can be a helpful starting place, especially if you feel like you're not in a season or a place where you can identify anything positive about your body. That can be so hard, and I just want to hold space for you and validate that Again. Our bodies hold so many stories and experiences that shape the way we feel about our bodies, and if you don't feel positively about your body, that is okay, and also to understand that that doesn't have to be the criteria for you to be able to show up for your kiddos and be able to say something positively about your body in front of them. So, identifying that what you're saying may not match up with how you're feeling, and that's okay. You can still learn to say things about your body that emphasize gratitude, that emphasize positivity, even if those feelings don't quite align with those thoughts or with those expressions.

Speaker 1: 14:47

So I just wanted to encourage you in that sense to take this brave step and think of something that maybe you can share with your kids that help them understand Oh, mommy's proud of her body. I should be too, because our kids really do look to us to model that dialogue, to model that narrative, and that can't happen if we are not taking those proactive steps And I know it's hard and I know it really requires so much courage to be able to do this But saying things like oh, I'm so grateful for these arms that can just wrap themselves around you and give you the biggest hug and squeeze, i'm so, mommy's, so grateful that I have these arms to hold you. Or I'm so grateful that my body has energy to play with you and to fold laundry so you have clean clothes in your drawer. Whatever it is, i want you to see that it doesn't have to be this grandiose thing. Take that baby step and be intentional about doing it in front of your children and let them hear you celebrating your own body in a way that makes sense for you but really is going to resonate with them and communicate this powerful message that their body is worse celebrating and taking care of too.

Speaker 1: 15:55

So tip number four is reinforcing that your child's body is always good, and you can do this with your kids and also for yourself. I think doing this jointly for yourself and your kids again can be so powerful. This kind of goes along with this idea that we want to emphasize body changes, which is kind of my next point. So I don't want to get too far myself here, but we want our kids to understand that their bodies are good and nothing is ever going to change that. And this goes along with the last point when you're really emphasizing or celebrating your body. We want our kids to know that their bodies are inherently good because again, the narrative, the predominant narrative that they are hearing out there is that bodies are wrong. There's so many things about your body that are wrong, that you need to fix, that you need to change, and so, in order to counteract that message, we need to be able to say the opposite, right Like, which is the truth, that your body is good. Your body is a miracle, your body is so wonderful. It's the home that is going to allow you to move through this one life that you have, and that's a good thing. You were uniquely created. There are so many aspects about yourself that nobody else has, and that is a beautiful thing. That is a good thing. These are things that we want to weave into the narrative of how we talk to our children about their bodies and our own bodies too.

Speaker 1: 17:19

You know, my kids have said things about my body over the years as they've observed or been with me. The more recent one that I can think of is my youngest, who was with me as I was getting dressed and was like mommy, your tummy is so squishy. And you know, sometimes our kids make these comments, but they're coming from a observational place. They haven't attached any meaning to things that they're saying. They're just observing what they're seeing. And, of course, because of my own history and my own struggle with body image over the years.

Speaker 1: 17:50

There is that part of me that came up and that was a little bit alarmed by what she said. Oh my gosh, what does that mean? And we don't want our brains to tailspin into those negative thoughts, but really just embracing and celebrating why my tummy is squishy And there was five babies that grew there and I'm so proud of my body and what it was able to do And to be able to share that with my daughter in that moment, when parts of me felt alarmed but also parts of me could identify the celebration that that was and that, even though my body has changed and there's stretch marks and saggy skin and all kinds of things going on over here, that I could still celebrate what my body has done and that my body is still good, no matter what. And that's the same thing that we want to be able to communicate with our kids. This is really crucial and important as our children are going through pre-adolescence and adolescence, when there was puberty and just so many different changes happening in their bodies. We want to be able to say that to you, like, your body is amazing, your body is always good. Nothing will ever change that, and that can be something that we just repeat and incorporate in different conversations and different topics that we're discussing with them, reminding them that their bodies are good.

Speaker 1: 19:06

And this can be a great thing to do when children are also identifying or commenting on other people's bodies. If your child is noticing why is that person so big or why is that person so small, or noticing differences in people, we can also incorporate this point in conversations with them too. Yes, people's bodies are different and really how they look is the least important thing about them, and every person that has a body has a good body, no matter what. And reminding them too that we don't want to comment about people's bodies, because really that's the least important thing about them. What are other things about this individual that we can notice? I see this person is helping someone put their groceries in their car right, like highlighting things about someone besides their body, but also not shutting down our kids when they're observing differences in other people. We want to highlight those differences and emphasize that every person that has a body is a good body. So that's a really key point here. And that leads me to my last tip, which is just normalizing body changes and also highlighting body diversity.

Speaker 1: 20:16

So this piggyback's on the last point, as we're reinforcing that bodies are always good, we also want to highlight that bodies are different, that our bodies are not meant to be the same, and how boring would it be if we all had the same body. Right, and this is a very important message to help our kids counteract the predominant diet culture message that they are receiving, which is your body isn't good unless it's a different body fits. This very narrow version of what diet culture says is a good body or is a praiseworthy body? right, it's this arbitrary standard that nobody's going to fit, and so we really want to be intentional about countering that and highlighting highlighting that there are different body types and that that is a good thing. Some people are big, some people are small, some people are tall, some people are short, and that's okay. We're all in our own unique body and that's a good thing.

Speaker 1: 21:10

One thing that has helped me kind of emphasize this point is just pointing out diversity and other things, whether it's animals or plants. Right now we are gardening, which I am laughing about because I don't have a green thumb, and so this is really just an experiment and trial and error, but I'm going with it. So pointing out how there's different types of plants and different types of fruit and different types of seeds, and that was such an amazing opportunity for me to incorporate this lesson too. Like, just in the same way that we see diversity in other aspects of life, we also see that with bodies too, because that's how it's meant to be. Body diversity is important and this can be really helpful if you have a child who's starting to notice that their body is different from their friends or their friends. You know they all have different bodies. Or maybe they're commenting like I wish that my tummy looked like so and so, and this can be a really important way to highlight that you know what every body is supposed to look differently because we're all different, and that's a good thing, and pointing that out can really help bring a lot of reassurance to our children as their bodies change and as they notice that their body is different from other people.

Speaker 1: 22:20

And the last part of this is just really normalizing that our bodies are supposed to change. I don't know about you, but I never got this message growing up, sadly, and this is something that I really want to emphasize with my own children, because there's really no point at which our bodies stop changing. Our bodies are constantly changing throughout our lives and some seasons are more accelerated than others. So if you think about adolescence, right as a child is going through puberty, or if you think about pregnancy or postpartum motherhood, those are accelerated seasons of body changing and are more obvious. But in reality, our bodies are constantly changing. Our bodies are supposed to change, and that is something that we want our kids to understand and we want them to know, so that it doesn't feel foreign in their bodies when their bodies are changing or when they're noticing their bodies are changing. This can help them embrace those changes with more curiosity, even when those changes might be uncomfortable.

Speaker 1: 23:16

And that's the other part that we want to talk about too. And my oldest, who's 13, and my second, who's right behind her, at 11, you know they're very much in that season where their bodies are changing and they're out growing clothes and things are not fitting them anymore, and so we make that a celebration like, hey, it's okay, it's not your job to fit into the clothes, it's the clothes job to fit on you. And if it's no longer fitting you, that's okay, let's get rid of it, let's donate it, let's pass it down. We're big on hand me downs here in this family. So we want to normalize that and celebrate it and help our kids know that because their body is changing, that's that doesn't mean something's wrong with them. That's expected, that's part of being human And that can really help them.

Speaker 1: 24:00

We can also help them lean into some of the uncomfortable feelings that may surface as a result of their body changing. So if they're noticing Man, i just don't feel comfortable in my body. That's okay. We can hold space for that And as we do that for for our children, we can learn to do that for ourselves too. Realizing that body changes just because they're normal doesn't make them comfortable. So I think that can also help us as parents as we're navigating our own body changes and knowing that yeah, you know what? sometimes it kind of sucks, sometimes it's not comfortable, sometimes it's really hard And in many ways we sometimes have to grieve how our body has changed and that it's no longer the body that it was and all the things that we associate with that, and that's okay.

Speaker 1: 24:43

I think when we can hold space for the grief and the sadness and the uncomfortable feelings that are associated with our body changing, it gives us permission to move through it. So this is something we want to do for ourselves and for our kids as well, and it's a process, but something that can be so powerful and really monumental in supporting them and how they think about their bodies and to hold their bodies in high regard, no matter how it changes. This can be something that will really give them a foundational point throughout their lives, right Like as they're moving through their life and knowing like my body is going to change and that's okay. I'm going to be okay as I move through this. So I hope this is helpful.

Speaker 1: 25:21

I know that, again, there's a lot more that we can talk about here, but I would love to hear from you if this topic is resonated with you. If there are points that you would like to hear more about, please connect with me. I'd love to hear from you. You can always send me an email over at hello at crystalcargiscom, or if you're on the weekly newsletter list that goes out, you can always reply to one of those emails. I would love to hear from you and learn how I can better support you through this area.

Speaker 1: 25:49

But just remember that the legacy of body shaming can end with you and that every brave step you're taking is really helping your children build a new narrative around their bodies, and it's a narrative that celebrates their uniqueness and offers them truly unconditional acceptance, no matter the size of their body or how their bodies will change over time.

Speaker 1: 26:10

So I hope this is helpful for you. I also just want to remind you, if you are a mother or mama to be in eating disorder recovery, or if you're just trying to figure out how to heal your relationship with food and your body, to rewrite the legacy for your kids, come check out our free virtual support group lift the shame. It's an amazing space that really just gives community and a sense of community around these issues where we can feel so isolated, in shame with. So I don't want you to be alone. Come hang out with us and know that you matter, mama, and every brave step you're taking is so important And so impactful. So thank you for being here. I'm so grateful for you tuning in And I look forward to seeing you next week. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the lift the shame podcast. For more tips and guidance on your mother her journey, come connect with me on Instagram at crystal car guys. Until next week, mama, i'll be cheering you on. Bye for now.