Megan Devito 0:03
Welcome to the More Than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I'm a life coach for stressed out and anxious women who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety is holding you back. Get ready for a light hearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling comfident calm and ready to live. Let's get to it.
Hey there, welcome to episode 58 Of the More than Anxiety podcast. I'm recording this episode in mid October of 2023. The leaves are just starting to fall where I live, the weather's getting chilly. My kids love it. And I'm cold. I'm also just getting back from a quick getaway last week to Boston where I got to celebrate my oldest daughter's 21st birthday with her and with my mom, and it was so much fun and such a blessing to be able to be in Boston and also to head back to Indiana where I live. I love traveling and I've got a lot... I've gotten to do it a lot this year. I also love heading home. But if I'm being honest, on my way home, I usually start expecting a mess, but that did not happen this time. My youngest daughter totally cleaned and it was so sweet of her because I'm positive she didn't make the mess. I'm pretty positive anyway. I'm just thinking it was probably my husband and my teenage son and she picked up after them. And I'm so appreciative of that she was incredible. And I'm a super lucky mama. She saved me all kinds of stress because I do get stressed out. I like to come home to a clean house and sometimes when you leave your kids at home and your husband at home, that doesn't always happen. I get really stressed out when things are messy. And one of the things that I can't control right now, that's kind of bothering me is our pool. The cover broke several weeks ago, and we've been waiting to get this new cover installed. And since it's fall, there are leaves everywhere in the bottom and big spiders, and I can't keep up with it. So I spent some time trying to scoop them up in the afternoon and I just finally gave up. It's going to have to be a mess until I can hook up that stick vacuum and clean the bottom. And thank goodness it is outside because if it were inside, I would really be feeling it. If you notice that messes and clutter make you anxious, or grouchy or overwhelmed, you are in the right place because this episode is all about anxiety and clutter.
Fun fact for you. I'm gonna have a ton of statistics, first of all, in this episode, but did you know that according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, women are almost twice as likely as men to experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. There's your first statistic; your second one is though that 82% of women say that they feel more anxious in a cluttered home. Make no mistake, guys, I know this isn't a woman's specific. It's not our own like exclusive club. I know you are struggling as well. And one of the things that I've noticed is that I've heard from more men in the last year than I ever have in my coaching business, so anxiety is not a ladies only club and from what I've seen in the past year or so, more men are finally speaking up and letting people know that they're feeling anxious and overwhelmed as well. I've coached men and teenage guys who are really struggling with anxiety, so even though it's more common in women, I see you guys and this episode is for you, too. Let's go ahead and dive in and talk all about anxiety and clutter and how it makes you feel and how you react.
I told you a minute ago about how the leaves in my pool are kind of driving me crazy, because I just want them out of there and I want the thing closed. They're not in my house. So I wouldn't go so far as to say they're making me anxious, but the mess is on my mind and it will be until that pool is closed. And maybe you're thinking okay, so Megan is a compulsive cleaner. Or maybe you think that I wash my walls down once a week or something like that. I assure you that is 100% not true. I really don't. Like I do have like some stuff that is always dirty in my house; that happens. There's a lot of people and two dogs living here. I'm not really a deep cleaner unless things are blatantly dirty like toothpaste in the sink or the toilets look yucky. But dirty is things like those two things; things that are like maybe unsanitary. But clutter is different. Clutter is the mail that you toss on the counter because you get distracted by something else. Or it's the laundry that needs to be folded that you just kind of like sit in the basket on the floor. It's those little things that pull your energy, and your focus and your attention away and start to drive you crazy. It's the stack of bills and random papers on your desk. Whether it's your work desk, or if you're a teenager listening, your desk where you do your homework. And all of that clutter makes you feel like things are out of control. Even if you are a person with ADD or ADHD where you are like, No, I love my clutter, I know where everything is. I absolutely believe you that you know where everything is. I truly do. But I also know that that clutter can cause you to feel stressed out, it can make you feel unorganized. It can make you feel anxious. And that's what we're going to talk about.
Clutter has been absolutely proven to exacerbate anxiety. So a cluttered environment often leads to a cluttered mind, which can increase your stress and anxiety levels. So for me, I'm sitting in my office bedroom and behind me, there is some clutter. My oldest son has been moving things back and forth between his apartment and our house and just trying to figure out where he fits and trying to get settled. But my desk right now is clear. For me when my desk is messy, or I was just working up in the kitchen a few minutes ago and there was stuff everywhere; the dogs had tracked in dirt, and there was some dust like I could see it on the furniture, all these things that just cluttery. And there's these tomatoes that I need to chop up and put in the freezer so that I can freeze them for the winter. All of these things are sitting out and I could feel it building. I couldn't focus on trying to write a podcast episode. I couldn't focus on trying to do anything. I was here, there and everywhere and I finally just said, Screw it, and I got up, and I cleaned things up and got things organized. And I sat back down. And now I'm here. When this happens, the more I try to focus, the more frustrated I get. And I end up getting really anxious and spiraling down to this feeling of why can't I focus on anything, and really judging myself.
So if you're a teenager, and you are sitting in your messy bedroom, and you're trying to study, or if you are sitting at your office at work, and you are trying to study and there are stacks of things everywhere, and there's piles all over, this can pull your attention away and make you stressed out. And when you are stressed and when you are anxious, your brain doesn't think clearly so you're finding it even harder to focus and then you're judging yourself, and anything that you're trying to learn or process especially for students, if you're trying to learn a process, that information isn't going to stick in there because your brain isn't functioning. That's what clutter does, you get a little more anxious, and then use a little harder to think and then you get grouchy and it's really just this big slam that happens that could really easily be controlled by just getting that clutter under control. And you might be thinking, Yeah, that's a lot easier said than done. And yeah, it is because if it was that easy, and if you had that much spare time on your hands, you might be thinking it would already be done. But that's not always true. And we're gonna get to that.
If you notice that you're snapping at your family, or you're freaking out and telling yourself that everything is a mess, or 'I'm failing as a student', 'I'm failing as a partner', that you should be able to sit down and write this stupid email for crying out loud, give yourself a break, because I'm going to help you out here.
A couple of things happen when people start to feel this way. And one of these is me, I am a rage cleaner and the other people become paralyzed by the mess. So if you are Team Rage, it is Game On for any and all messes. You think the entire house is a disaster; 'I have to clean the entire house'. And this is when your stress and your anxiety have gotten pretty high. It's not like oh, I'm just going to clean off the mail, it's like the whole house sucks! Burn it down! We...we have to do it all at once. This can cause you to rage clean and I I've been known to do this. And a lot of times I do this right before I have to go do something. I told you I'd like to come home to a clean house when I'm on vacation, which means I clean like a maniac before I leave for vacation. But also before people come over. That's a whole different conversation. But this can start with just trying to focus on a project or an email, or even that feeling of anxiousness in your body that you can't quite put your finger on. You know that feeling where you're anxious, but you don't really know why. Whatever it is that trips your trigger, clutter pulls your attention and suddenly, you have this need to purge the junk drawer or do something crazy, like vacuum the curtains or clean up the pantry when you're just trying to write an email a minute ago. That's how clutter puts a stop on what you're trying to accomplish and how you can start to get more stressed out and more anxious. Obviously, none of this is necessary because you just need to write the email and it's just one thing, but that's not where your brain goes. And I know I'm not alone out there. I know that you guys do this too, because I've heard you talk about it on coaching calls with me.
But on the other hand, if you're on Team Paralysis, you might look at the clutter it might be dishes in your sink. or the laundry that you need to pick up and you instantly feel overwhelmed and guilty. So you find yourself wondering why you just can't keep things picked up and put away. But the more you look around instead of rage cleaning, the more you judge yourself and you feel worse. So you start to feel more anxious, and you just avoid all of it, because it feels like too much. And you tell yourself things like I'm a hot mess, or I'm a slob, when in fact, you just have a couple of things that need to be organized. Either way, let's talk about what has to happen.
First of all, I want you to know that one of the things that happens with this clutter, that makes it so beneficial just to find some way to get it cleaned up, is that it gives you a sense of control. And so many times when you're anxious, it's because you want control of something. Clutter feels disorganized, it feels like things are out of control or out of order and your brain likes order. So cleaning up that clutter gives your brain that little happy head, a hit of dopamine at once and it helps you bring some peace and some like sense of maybe things being level in your house again. So here's what we're gonna do. First things first, you have to stop telling yourself that you're a hot mess or a slob and realize that the pictures that you see on TV, or that post on Instagram, whatever it is that's making you think you're doing it wrong, that's not real life. You are a human being with human things like junk mail, and cereal bowls. You're busy and sometimes mail gets tossed into a pile and the laundry takes a backseat to other things that you have to do. So give yourself a really big helping of grace. There's nothing going on here that you can't clean up and that you can't solve with a simple decision and a little bit of time.
Next, whether you're feeling anxious, and the clutter is making it worse, or you're looking at the clutter, and it's making you feel anxious, exhale. Do not inhale. Exhale, first. Take a few slow, intentional breaths until you feel your body relax. And once this happens, you can think clearly, instead of reacting out of stress or anxiety. This is a really important part about what I help people do is learn how to recognize when you're feeling anxious, and how to calm your body down so that you can think. And we know that we're not thinking rationally because on coaching calls, I hear people say, I know it's not true that I'm a hot mess', 'I know it's not true that everything is a disaster', but that's really the thing about feeling anxious. It's not. You can't think rationally. And when you learn to know the signs that your body is giving you that you're anxious and calm down, then you can start to think clearly and let the thinking part of your brain take over. So for something like clutter, that's choosing one thing that you can organize. It might be as simple as picking up a few things, and then just moving on. So for people, I help who are triggered by bigger thoughts than clutter maybe, and who often feel anxious, those thoughts can be layers of different emotions and stories, but it works the exact same way. They have to calm their bodies down first so that they can think clearly. And this is really what coaching helps with it helps you find ways that work for you specifically, to lower your anxiety inside of your body. And it seems like everybody has a way that works best for them. I noticed that certain people gravitate to maybe one grounding method or one way of breathing and we can find the way that works for you in particular and dig into what emotions come up when we work together. But let's get back to getting calm.
Once you're calm, and you're thinking clearly you can choose one, just one thing to clean up and then you stop and you give yourself a great big high five, or you do a little dance and you celebrate, because you're going to give your brain that little hit of dopamine. You're gonna have a little party and show yourself that you did it, then you can either choose to go back to what you were trying to accomplish before when you were thrown off by the messiness, or you can always go clean something else if you want to, and you have the time. But again, once that clutter is cleaned up, once you've done one piece you celebrate you acknowledge it because your brain wants that feel good feeling.
This is one of the easiest ways ever to start creating new habits. You have to feed your brain, all of that happy juice, that dopamine that it wants, and you do that as often as possible. It's the same thing as when you get a notification on your phone. That's why you're addicted to your phone. It's because you get that ping of dopamine. It's the same thing if you're addicted to having a glass of wine in the afternoon or people who get addicted to running, which I will forever swear is not a real thing. But it is. People are addicted to that. Not me, obviously, but some people are. Anything like that. It's because your brain craves that dopamine. So celebrate as soon as you clean up a mess, do a little dance till your brain good job, and then move on.
Why would you do this? Why not just leave the clutter, why not just get over it and figure out a better way. And here's why. Studies have shown. Here's your next statistic by the way... 72% of people report reduced stress levels after decluttering. And what we know about stress is that stress the longer it's there, and the longer it's left... longer it's left to simmer, the more cortisol that you build up in your body. The more anxious you become. Stress creates and feeds anxiety. We want to lower those stress levels because it's going to lower your anxiety levels. Decluttering doesn't just make your house look better, it has real mental health benefits. You feel happier, you're more confident and less anxious, your motivation goes up and you're less stressed. And when you're less stressed, you get to sleep better, so you're more productive the next day, which means you have less clutter. And you are thinking clearly. If you're feeling stuck working with a coach like me can provide you with the guidance on how to get started with both the decluttering, yes, and with feeling less anxious and stressed overall.
Ready. Next statistic I told you there were a ton of them. Studies have shown that 90% of individuals who worked with a coach reported a significant decrease in clutter related anxiety. That is crazy. Those are some solid stats. So if you fall into this category of people that says, 'Well, how do I know this is actually going to work for me', the odds are pretty great. The people I've worked with who have cleaned up the clutter in their lives are seeing enormous changes, not only in how much clutter is in their house, but how they feel about themselves, how they relate to their partners in their kids, how they spend their free time, they're more confident, they're sleeping better, they're moving their bodies, I could go on and on and on, you can talk to me how I can help you by going to the show notes and scheduling a consultation call, I'll have the link to my calendar there.
The consultation call helps you find out what's actually keeping you anxious so you get to see what decisions you're making now, based on fear instead of on fact. You get to take a really cool glimpse into what life will be like when you're not anxious anymore. You see the benefits outside of your own life and how feeling calm or feeling confident helps you like, but also your family or your co workers or your job or your friends everything. It's just so ongoing, and it's just this big chain reaction. You get to find a solution that will work for you and you get to trust that you know yourself better than you thought you did. This is one of the coolest things. I'll ask people 'what's working' and they say nothing. And then I'll say 'Okay, is there anything that helps you?' Which is kind of the same question and suddenly they'll say these things help and I'm like, okay, so you do know. And when you stop and you really give yourself credit for what's already going well, you set yourself up for so much hope and so much progress. Plus the consultation calls free and you get to ask me all the questions you have right now about anxiety or about coaching or whatever else was on your mind.
So I hope this episode was helpful for you, that you have some motivation to pick up the mail, put the cereal bowls in the dishwasher, whatever you've got to do. But thank you for joining me on this episode. If you found this helpful, please leave a review and don't forget to subscribe so that you are first in line when a new episode drops every Tuesday morning. If I don't talk to you on a call beforehand, I will be back next week. Take care.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of The More Than Anxiety podcast. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And of course, if you're ready to feel more relaxed, have more energy, more confidence and a lot more fun. Go to megandevito.com/workwithme or just to the show notes to talk to me more about coaching. See you soon
Transcribed by https://otter.ai