Ep 64 - Changing the Narrative: Age, Anxiety and Creating Purpose
Nov 28, 2023Episode 64
Megan Devito
Does aging make you anxious? In Episode 64, I'm talking about the anxiety many women feel around aging. From societal pressures, to trash-talking yourself, you'll hear how looking forward and celebrating your past will help you feel less anxious and give you a fresh perspective on what you can do next.
Does aging make you anxious? In Episode 64, I'm talking about the anxiety many women feel around aging. From societal pressures, to trash-talking yourself, you'll hear how looking forward and celebrating your past will help you feel less anxious and give you a fresh perspective on what you can do next.
Welcome to the More Than Anxiety podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I'm the Life Coach for stressed- out and anxious women who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety isn't holding you back. Get ready for a lighthearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth, talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it. Hey friends, welcome to episode 64.
Megan Devito:
Today I am diving into another podcast request episode. I asked people in my Facebook group a while back what they wanted to hear, so this request came from that post, and it's a topic that is going to land for so many of you, especially if you are a woman who started saying things like "I'm too old for this or I'm just getting old, or if you've noticed that you feel a little anxious when you look in the mirror or at those Google photo memories that pop up on your phone every morning. This episode is going to jump right into that feeling about being anxious about the passing of time and how you can enjoy your age, whatever number is attached to it. We all know that anxiety can show up in all different areas of your life and for lots of women, the aging process can be a really big trigger from what we think we're supposed to look like to what we're really afraid of, whether it's not fulfilling things that we wanted or maybe even dying All of those things. There's a lot to unpack here. So let's get started by acknowledging the problem and really understand what exactly makes this such a normal and common part of aging.
Megan Devito:
What I want to offer first of all came from my cousin. She said this several years ago. I have to admit that I remember being 10 years old and swimming in my grandparents pool. I was 10, you guys, I can remember exactly where I was standing and thinking in 10 more years I'm going to be 20. I thought 20 was super old when I was 10. At 48, I would do about anything, maybe, to feel 20 again.
Megan Devito:
But that idea of aging doesn't just start when sometimes, when we're adults. It can be something that maybe this has been a really long thought for you, like I'm getting older, I'm getting older. Maybe that feels very threatening in itself, but my cousin introduced this idea of leveling up and I stole this idea from Denise, who, she said, "oh no, I hit level five this year. I'm like level five I don't even know what that is and she's like I'm 50 and level five sounds much better than 50. So I'm going to offer right away the best suggestion that I've ever adopted for myself is stop giving this number attached to who you are. Stop making it such a weight, because if you are level 4.8 with me, that's pretty powerful and, man, if you are like level 7.7, you're killing it.
Megan Devito:
My goal is maybe to hit a level 10, although maybe not. Maybe. I don't even want that, but what can happen is that when we start noticing that that number is creeping up. And a concept that was also introduced to me yesterday was if you feel like you have more pages on the right side of the book than on the left side of the book what are you going to do with that time that feels like it's not there? And what is happening and what's often making you so anxious is that you're thinking of what's not there or what you've lost. You might think of time that's not there, like I
Megan Devito:
Just you know, I'm getting older and when you say that it sounds like I'm running out of time. To some people it might be that I've wasted time. Oh my gosh, how am I level 4.8 or 48 and how, how have I wasted all this time? Those thoughts can make you feel like you've screwed up. They can make you feel like you don't have enough time left to do things that you still want to do. Maybe you're thinking about experiences that you never did. I should have gone to college, I should have done this with my kids. I should have made time for my friends. I should have spent more time with some so-and-so done. Whatever it is, whatever it is that you think you should have done and had those experiences, that offers this idea that there's just no time left. I don't know, it's too late now. If I'm 48, what now? No, no, no, no, no.
Megan Devito:
So if you're thinking about things that you're lost time, experiences and beauty. Women this can be a really big one for us. Are you kidding me with the number of Frownies advertisements that I get? And I am not knocking on Frownies, because I honestly might order some later this week. But if that idea of I'm just not as beautiful as I was when I was 17 or 20 or 30 or when you felt like you, if you have this idea that you peaked at some point and you're going downhill; I'm just going to offer you some solutions to that today. Instead of frantically trying and please be very aware here that I am not telling you not to do things that help you feel better about yourself. I'm not one that says, oh my gosh, this person really needs to work on how they look. But I also say that there's a lot of power and feeling strongly, like really strongly, that you do feel good. And if what feels good to you is Botox, go do it. If what feels good to you is wearing clothes that you people say you know what, you're too old for that, wear them anyway. So we're going to talk a little bit about that as well.
Megan Devito:
So what happens when you're thinking about what you lost? It can make you feel that it's gone, that it's too late and all of those things. And when you feel those ways, you start to fight change, and I see this a lot. We're like, oh no, I'm not going to grow up, I'm not going to do that. No, I refuse to do that.
Megan Devito:
So you could start stiff arming normal experiences in your body where you're going to fight the aging process, and when you do that, you're actually stressing yourself out and you're aging yourself faster, whether it's physically or mentally, or you're stressing yourself out. So you might start to trash talk yourself and say things like God, I just look so old. "My body's falling apart. Oh, my God, I can't believe, like my skin is so whatever. And that's not to say that your skin's not changing or that your body's not changing. But when you are making it so a part of like a negative experience for you and you're starting saying I don't know, I just I'm just not able to do that anymore. I look horrible, nobody's ever going to want to. Maybe you're single and you want to date somebody and you're like I'm so old, nobody would ever date me. No, no, no. So you start trash talking yourself.
Megan Devito:
Or you might notice that you become stagnant, where you think I mean I really did want to graduate from college, like I really wanted to get that degree or I really wanted to go on that trip to Australia, but I mean it's too late now. Is it really? Is it really too late? Or are those stories that you're telling yourself so that you don't have to put forth the effort to do it? Because what can happen when we start noticing that. Okay. I'm in this new phase of life where my body is different. I don't look the exact same as I did. I feel like I'm, you know, my kids are out of the house. I'm growing like a little bit older. Maybe I'm not doing things the way I used to do.
Megan Devito:
It's very easy to just give up and become stagnant, and when you do that, you're shutting off so many opportunities for what else is open for you. There are incredible stories all the time. I have this app on my phone called the Good News app that tells all of these fun stories, and so often it's about someone who is 90 something that just went out and did an amazing thing like hey, this person just got their PhD at 93. Incredible. If that person can do it, so can you. But be very cautious when you start noticing that you're trash talking yourself or that you're avoiding things that sound really fun because the thought is I'm too old, because it's just not true. It's just a thought to keep you safe, and that's what anxiety does.
Megan Devito:
I was in church yesterday. I'm recording this on a Monday in late November I'm actually recording this the week of Thanksgiving and our pastor was gone and so we had a guy who's in the congregation come up and talk. This sermon was great, and if you are not, you know, if you're not a church goer, it's okay. This is going to apply to you too. He talked a lot about who would be on your Mount Rushmore. I thought this was an incredible concept. So, when you think about who would be on your Mount Rushmore, if you were to create that, these people who've been so influential in your life, maybe they're people that you really admire, people who influenced you, people who changed you, and what I wanna offer is that when you think about those people and what you've gained from them in your life, I also want you to wonder whose Mount Rushmore you are on, because this point in life, or maybe you're not out doing all the things that you used to do, opens up an incredible opportunity for you to become somebody's Mount Rushmore figurehead. Okay, so just picture yourself carved into the side of a mountain somewhere. This is pretty cool.
Megan Devito:
What have you learned during your life so far, no matter what level you're at? What have you learned that you could share with somebody else? Maybe you've had a really long history with anxiety and you're like, you know what, there are a lot of kids out there that need help right now. That's an opportunity and that's a benefit of aging. You have so much experience that you can share with other people.
Megan Devito:
What do you know now that you didn't know back when you were 20 that you're like, oh dang, I wouldn't go back there for anything and I can take what I know now and go back to an experience that I wanted to have and do it the right way, the fun way, the way where I'm like, oh, I could really experience this differently now. Maybe you can take one of your favorite memories and see how it could be even better. You just get to play with those experiences and start thinking how can I use what I know to be impactful for my own life, but also in other people's lives and taking what you know and mentoring or spreading that information, you are doing incredible work. No matter what age you are, no matter if you are listening to this and you're like, wow, I didn't realize how old I was gonna feel at 30 - which, trust me, if you're 30, you're not. You're just like at the bottom of the hill still. But maybe it's 30 feels old to you, maybe 80 feels old to you, maybe 48 feels old to you. The irrelevant relevant, but the experience that you have, that you can use to impact your own life, but also other people's, puts you in this position of power and where you can really have impact on the world and that doesn't matter if you are 30 or 90. You have that brand new opportunity because you have experience.
Megan Devito:
And I also wonder, just to be proactive on this, how are you taking care of yourself? Yes, are you trash talking yourself all the time, but have you decided that I mean, I look old so there's no point in me moving my body and working out anymore? Or have you said you know what? I'm starting to notice that I feel a little stiff in the morning. I should probably start walking during the day. Or ugh, I've noticed that I've got that in like middle-aged belly thing so I guess just screw it, I'm gonna eat cookies all day. Or are you saying, oh, wait a minute, this is just a sign that maybe I need to check out what I'm eating. Have I been eating cookies all day? Maybe I need to just have more protein. Whatever, that is for you making those little shifts to know that your body's doing just fine. Just because it's changing doesn't mean it's bad. It could actually be the best thing.
Megan Devito:
You might be the healthiest you've ever been at 54 or 65. But it's your thoughts about getting older that are making you anxious. There are so many opportunities that come with age and sometimes the older you get, the more opportunities there are. And yes, I know it might not feel as easy and you might have these ideas about what it means to get old, but I think it's a funny thing in America in particular, where we I mean I understand that there are certain limits, of course, but we have this thing where we don't look at aging the same way as a lot of other cultures might where aging is a gift.
Megan Devito:
Aging is something that a lot of people don't get to do. Aging is something that means you are wise and that you know things. And we've said you're too old, go sit down. And that's certainly not to say that you should be able to do anything you want. I mean you should be able to do anything you want, but there are certain things that maybe younger people are better suited for. But that doesn't mean that you don't have the wisdom and the experience and the knowledge that we all need so much right now and combine that with the fresh perspective that our Gen Z kids have right now, that's unstoppable.
Megan Devito:
I think if we could take - this is so off topic right now and I understand that, but I just had this thought that I wanna share - I think if we could take the experience of the Baby Boomers and the wisdom and the insight of the Gen Zers, this world would be unstoppable. This is coming from a Gen X person here. I think we need that wisdom, we need that respect that baby boomers have, but we also need the insight that Gen Zers have that opens up fresh perspectives on like this insight that you have is wrong, how can we change that and offer respect across the board? How can we take what you know about what happened during, maybe, Vietnam, or even going back further to the Korean War and say what did you guys learn that we need to know now? What do we need to know about the economy? What do we need to know? Because there's so much wisdom that people who have higher level ages can offer to our younger kids and so much wisdom that our kids can offer to our higher level people.
Megan Devito:
But it's that combination of knowing that you are valuable and that you have so much to bring to the world that is going to lower your anxiety levels because it gives you purpose. When you can give yourself that purpose, you start to appreciate yourself for who you are and for the time that you've had and for the time that you have left. You notice that there's all kinds of opportunities out there where you are needed and you start to go after them, so that instead of staying home and thinking about, oh, I'm just so old, you go out and you're like, no, I've got stuff to bring to the table here, but you have to believe that about yourself before you'll go do it. You also have this incredible opportunity to bring hope to other people, and this gets to be your Mount Rushmore moment. What do you need to share with the world? What would you tell somebody who was 20? What would you tell somebody who was 30 or 40?
Megan Devito:
Every age has an age that needs their wisdom and needs that mentorship. So, whether you are a Baby Boomer and you're mentoring a Gen X person or a Gen X person, like mentoring a millennial or a Gen Z, or maybe you're even mentoring somebody that's older than you; If I'm 48 and there's somebody who's 70 listening to this podcast, I hope this hits for you. I'll be your mentor, even if I'm younger. There's no age limit on these things. There's just an opportunity to feel less anxious and a lot more hope about what you bring to the table and what can happen next.
Megan Devito:
I can help you find all of those incredible traits that you have, all of those insights that you have, and help you come up with ways that you can feel really good about, whatever age or level you're at. Right now. It just comes down to getting clear about what you're thinking about yourself and about what you bring to the table. You can talk to me about how I can find all of the incredible gifts and opportunities that are coming up for you, no matter how old you are, by going to the show notes of this podcast episode and scheduling a consultation call. It's super-duper easy you just take out your calendar, pick a time that works for you and you give me a call.
Megan Devito:
We'll talk about how you're feeling about getting older or how you feel about what you think's available for you. I want to know why you think what you think and I want to know what you would rather think instead. What do you really want to do that right now you might be telling yourself I'm too old, or maybe you're telling yourself you're too young. If age is making you anxious, it doesn't have to. Take the number off, change it to a level and start thinking about what you've got that this world needs, because every single person I 100% believe was put on this planet for incredible things. If you're still here, you've still got time. I hope this was helpful. I hope you feel really great about yourself after this episode and I can't wait to talk to you. Take care, and I'll be back again next week.