In Episode 69, you'll learn how to recognize and accept your feelings, understanding they're not good or bad, but merely part of the human experience.
When you avoid, ignore, and distract yourself from uncomfortable emotions,
you end up stressed and anxious.
You have headaches, your body hurts, you're exhausted and
you're no fun to be around.
This episode explains how to use mindfulness to identify and acknowledge emotions without judging yourself or others,
and how to identify their root cause so you can feel them and let them go.
Help others find this resource so they can calm, confident, and have more fun by leaving a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review wherever you listen.
Find me on Instagram
Find me on Facebook
Schedule your consultation and let's talk coaching!
Thanks for listening!
In Episode 69, you'll learn how to recognize and accept your feelings, understanding they're not good or bad, but merely part of the human experience.
When you avoid, ignore, and distract yourself from uncomfortable emotions,
you end up stressed and anxious.
You have headaches, your body hurts, you're exhausted and
you're no fun to be around.
This episode explains how to use mindfulness to identify and acknowledge emotions without judging yourself or others,
and how to identify their root cause so you can feel them and let them go.
Help others find this resource so they can calm, confident, and have more fun by leaving a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review wherever you listen.
Find me on Instagram
Find me on Facebook
Schedule your consultation and let's talk coaching!
Thanks for listening!
Welcome to the More Than Anxiety podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I'm the Life Coach for stressed out and anxious women who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety isn't holding you back. Get ready for a lighthearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth, talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it. Welcome to Episode 69 and 2024.
Megan Devito:If you are listening when this episode drops in real time, it is the first Tuesday in January of a brand new year and I hope you are excited and looking forward to everything that is coming up. And, of course, if you're listening to this in August or May or some other month, I hope that, wherever you are in the year maybe 2024, but you're feeling fantastic. I'm going to ask you to really pay attention to how you feel in this episode a lot, because this week I am talking about processing emotions so that you're less stressed and less anxious. It seems like the best way to start a brand new year. I will admit you guys, 2023 was a challenge. I'm putting it lightly. 2023 was rough. I said more than once that I would gladly have done 2020 twice at certain points in 2023. A lot of amazing things; I talked last week about looking back about everything that went well and everything that didn't go well, and it's really eye-opening every time to see how that plays out. And so here we are, moving forward, ready for what are we going to do different? And one of the things that I'm going to challenge you to do is to start looking at the emotions that you feel. So let's be clear Emotions are not positive or negative. They're not really good or bad. They're just feelings that you have. And something that's really amazing about emotions, even bad emotions, is that the actual chemical reaction inside your body doesn't last for very long. It's less than a minute. So when you're angry for five days or a week or however long you stay angry, it's only because you just keep thinking about the thing that is making you angry, because the actual chemical reaction is long since over and since that's true, that means that emotion can also be over, but you have to learn how to process it. So that's really what we're diving into in this episode. It's going to be a good one.
Megan Devito:You might want to write this down and I'm going to challenge you just to say maybe uncomfortable emotions, because, honestly, for people who are shy or introverted, being excited can be uncomfortable. Everybody might look at you and see you and think, oh, she's really excited about something, but so can things like feeling maybe embarrassed or angry. So, whatever you're feeling, no judgment allowed. As always, we're just going to talk about what you can do to feel better. So let's get started.
Megan Devito:So when you have an emotion whether it's an emotion that feels good or an emotion that feels bad, what happens is that you feel it and then you process it. Those good emotions, we just roll with them and we let them go. But when you feel something that's uncomfortable, it's easy to get stuck in that feeling for one reason or another. The longer you stay and you let those emotions sit inside your body and roll around in your mind, the more they're going to hang on and the longer you have to experience all of the things. So if you feel, let's say, fearful or even angry, and let's say you decide that you're just going to be mad, I'm going to be mad about this, I'm going to think about it over and over again, I'm going to just keep feeling mad or keep feeling anxious about this situation.
Megan Devito:The longer that stays there, the more that you start to get stressed out because it's still in the background, I don't know. I've been angry at my husband forever because he never does the dishes. I've been angry at my coworkers forever because they expect me to do everything. Whatever it is that you're feeling this anger? The longer it sits there, the more you get stressed. The longer that you're stressed, the more that you become anxious. And you might be anxious about talking at all with your husband about not doing dishes, or I'm never gonna tell my coworkers how much they annoy me. Okay, that's your choice, you can do that. But if you wanna let go of that feeling so that you're not so stressed out and you don't feel anxious every time you walk into the kitchen or into work, we have to start letting go of those emotions, because what happens is the more you hang onto them.
Megan Devito:We know that stress affects your physical health, but also your mental health. So let's say that you've been angry. You've been hanging onto it all week long that your husband just keeps putting the dishes in the sink. He never does them. He never does the dishes. And you just keep thinking this and you notice that you're grouchy and you're snapping at him, or you're going to work and you're avoiding your coworkers, and maybe you even have a project that you have to work on them or something's going on where, I really need to communicate, but God, I just don't have it in me right now. If that's the case, you start carrying that around in your body and you might notice that you're exhausted. Like I'm so tired. I'm just so tired of having to think this thought. I'm physically tired. I've got a headache because I've been tensing my muscles all day. My body is holding on to all of this stress. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and I had a dream that my coworker yelled at me and then I was even more mad at them. All of those things are just building and building inside your body and inside of your brain and you start to notice that you have a strain on these relationships that really weren't that bad not so long ago, until you got mad, and it's because you're hanging onto that mad or that thought or that feeling or whatever it is for you.
Megan Devito:You might have heard this old saying called don't let, or called, that says don't let the sun go down on your anger. That just means handle it. It Doesn't have anything to do with the sun going up or down, but it's just that if you go to bed angry it's gonna mess with your sleep. It's not strange to wake up in the middle of the night and be rolling around or ruminating over something that happened that made you so angry. I bet it's happened to you before. I know it's happened to me before.
Megan Devito:It also happens if you're worried about something, if you're not handling the worry or if you're overthinking things that you're still worked up about, you'll have crazy dreams. You'll have dreams that you've done things that have embarrassed you, or even that you did silly, like crazy things, like I flew off the handle and I punched my coworker. I had a dream that I did that. And then you wake up and you're more angry and more stressed. Because why would I dream that? It's just because you're hanging on to those uncomfortable emotions, whatever they are.
Megan Devito:So when that happens, here are some ways that people really try to not have to feel those emotions, and the key to being able to process them is to be able to feel that We'll get to that in just a second, but what you might notice that you're doing instead is that you just ignore the feeling. That's fine, I'll just pretend like I don't care. You know what I'm gonna fake being happy at work today. I'm gonna be like, oh, everything's great, I hope you have a great day too. And in the back of your head you're like I hope you just like choke on your coffee, or I hope that you, you know, I hope that you get found out for what a liar you are. Whatever, the thought is that angry thought that you you don't really wish those horrible things on people, but you're just so mad and hanging onto it that you're not gonna deal with it. But you fake it, so you ignore it or you push those feelings down.
Megan Devito:Another thing you might do is you just completely steer clear of any situation that will trigger an uncomfortable emotion. So this could also be true for big triggers that might make you feel anxious. So, for example, let's say that you have a trigger that makes you feel anxious and that you say okay, well, let me think of a situation here. Let's say that anytime you go to work, you feel anxious because you're afraid that somebody's going to call you out on what you're doing and say hey, you know what. You're not doing this right and it makes you feel inferior or it makes you feel frustrated, or it makes you feel stressed out and anxious and fearful and all of those things. So what happens is, in your head, you think it's this specific person, maybe your boss. Let's just say you're afraid your boss is going to call you out on something.
Megan Devito:So you strategically dodge your boss, like you see your boss coming and you have to go to the bathroom, or oh, I need to go make a copy, or oh, I was just getting ready to go do this other thing with this other person. And you're always dodging your boss because you're afraid that this thing is going to happen. Because, remember, anxiety is not necessarily rational and it doesn't even mean your boss is actually mad at you. But you have this trigger your boss triggers you and you don't want to deal with them. So what you do is you just avoid your boss altogether and, even though that feels good in the moment like, yeah, you can't yell at me if he doesn't see me, or he can't call me out if he doesn't see me you feel like you're dodging this bullet or something. But you've actually missed out on an opportunity to see that, even though you have this anxious thought, or you have this anxious feeling that nothing really happened, your boss wasn't actually upset with you to begin with. You were just afraid of that, or you were afraid of having to deal with or listen to anything they might have said, so you didn't teach yourself anything other than to avoid it again.
Megan Devito:That's what happens when you start steering clear of situations or people that trigger these really uncomfortable emotions for you, and another way that you might be coping with these uncomfortable emotions is to not feel them at all. So it's one thing to be angry and to sit in the anger and to hold on to the anger and just say you know what I'm just gonna. I'm gonna let myself be angry, I'm just gonna hold it right here in my stomach, I'm gonna be angry and I'm just gonna sit in it and be that way. I'm just gonna let it, you know, I'm gonna push it away as much as I can. Another way that people kind of pushed away, though, is to drink too much or grab a cigarette or do something else entirely. I mean whatever it is that you use to distract yourself, and it could even be something as simple as Netflix. You can abuse Netflix, right. You, we definitely abuse social media, but whatever is that distracts you from actually feeling that emotion and letting yourself move through? It is just making it worse. It makes you feel better for the short term, you get some temporary relief, but it just makes it last longer. So this is what I'm going to challenge you to do. Are you ready?
Megan Devito:The first thing is is that you just have to be mindful and you might say, oh, there's that word again, mindful. I have no idea what that means. Mindfulness just means pay attention to what's going on around you, and pay attention to what you think and how you feel. It's just being present and aware of whatever emotion. It is. Again, without judging yourself. You can feel - you can feel angry and rage, and you can feel jealous, and it doesn't mean anything about you, except for you're a human being who's having an emotional reaction to something that you thought about. It's okay. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean that you're a spiteful, like raging bitch co-worker. It doesn't mean any of that. It just means that you have a negative emotion. So you have to be mindful and just be aware that, like, oh, I feel really jealous of this person. Okay, that was a great step one.
Megan Devito:The next thing I want you to do is just to look back at what's going on and figure out what actually made you feel that negative emotion. What really happened that made you that angry? What really happened that made you feel so anxious? What did you think about it? Oh, isn't it crazy that, when I think about talking to my boss, I feel so anxious, because one time, a long time ago, I had this other boss that told me that I was a slacker? Maybe that's your story, maybe it's not, but really get curious that like oh, isn't it funny that now, every time I have to talk to this person, I feel jealous because this one thing happened.
Megan Devito:So the first thing we're going to do is we're going to notice how we feel. We're just going to be mindful. Okay, right now I'm really scared. Right now I'm really jealous. Right now I'm really angry, whatever that is, and then we're going to try to figure out why do I - what happened to make me feel that way? Oh, my husband left a dish on the sink again.
Megan Devito:The next thing you have to do, though, is you really need to say okay, what am I going to do about it. And if your answer goes back to, I'm going to ignore it or push it down or completely avoid it, or to distract myself back and on up, because we're not going to do that anymore, we're taking a new, we're taking a new way forward, right? It's a new year, we're moving forward. We're processing these emotions, and to process these emotions means that we feel them. So you notice that you're feeling them. Okay?
Megan Devito:I feel this resentment towards my partner or my coworker and I'm going to actually deal with it, and the way I do that is to come up with one way that I can move forward, not a laundry list of ways to do so you're gonna step back, look at what really upset you. Don't judge yourself, don't judge them. Just picture it, maybe as if you're watching it on the TV or if there's a pane of glass through you, like you're, like I'm just gonna watch and see what happened there. So, if you can do that in your mind, just picture it, take note and notice what emotions came up for you. Are you angry at that person? And if you are, what are you angry about? Are you jealous? Are you frustrated, overwhelmed? Pay attention to what you feel.
Megan Devito:Once you know what the emotion or the emotions are. Then you can go back and figure out where those emotions are coming from. Maybe it's an expectation that you have that maybe they don't know about or that they don't have for themselves. Is it something that you learned was right or wrong, or something that was normal for you in the past? Just get clear on what's making you feel the emotion and finally find one way that you can deal with the emotion. It might be something that you need to say to somebody and it might not be an easy conversation, but you can do it. It might be something that you need to do or maybe something you need to stop doing, whatever it is.
Megan Devito:Take that step to start working through the issue so that you're not just rolling in it, that you're not just letting it sit there. You're not covered in it all the time. When you do that, you're gonna notice as soon as you've taken a step and sometimes those step let's be honest, guys those can be uncomfortable. I can help you learn how to take those steps with the least amount of mind drama, because, again, it's what you think about taking those steps, what someone else will think of you, what you're afraid. You're gonna say what could potentially happen. All of those thoughts keep you from taking those steps. One of the things I do with coaching is help people learn how to take those steps and to process those emotions out.
Megan Devito:Let's get through this negative emotion that you have and get to the other side, that you start to feel really good. You notice that maybe your shoulders aren't up around your ears when that headache went away that you had for so long. You notice that you're not resentful of people. You don't wanna feel resentful. That's all horrible feeling. Every time you're around your husband you wanna punch him, or every time you go into the office you wanna hide. Nobody wants to feel that way, but you have to take action to feel better.
Megan Devito:You'll notice that you can think more clearly because you're not stuck thinking about what's making you feel angry or anxious or jealous or whatever it is. And when that happens, suddenly you're getting along with people better your husband, your coworkers, your best friend, whoever else you're dealing with because the pressure's off, the anger's not there, the jealousy's pulled back, All of those uncomfortable or negative emotions have pulled away and you're communicating clearly. And when you communicate clearly, most of the time people wanna be helpful, people wanna get along with other people and have good relationships. We think that people wanna be angry and mean and, to be clear, there are certain people out there that just really love to be jerks, but most of the people don't. So you get better days, you feel better about yourself and you're learning how to let go of those triggers and those thoughts and all of those feelings that have been dragging you a down - A down - I don't know where that word came from, but you just learn to let go and to start moving forward and you set yourself up for an incredible year.
Megan Devito:And it starts with just one day and one moment. Everything starts with one step, one day, one moment. This is coaching guys. This is one tiny step, not every single thing that has to be done, to get you where you wanna go. I can help you with this. It's super simple. All you have to do is schedule time to talk with me. I do this on a consultation call and the link is always in the show notes of my podcast, so that you can go there and say okay, Megan, I'm ready to talk about how I can process my emotions. I'm sick and tired of being in a fight with my sister. It's been five years. I wanna move past it. Amazing. How would that change this year for you If you decided to let go of being jealous or angry or resentful or whatever else that's been in your way for so long?
Megan Devito:What the heck could you do in 2024 or whenever you're listening to this if you didn't have to carry that around anymore? That is a game changer. So, if you're ready to do that, go to the show notes, schedule a consultation call and talk with me. I work one-on-one with people, so it's just you and me and the call.
Megan Devito:The consultation call is just about finding out what's going on with you right now, like what are you feeling? What are you? What's going on? What do you think made that happen? Okay, well, how would you rather feel? What you know? How does that help you? What if you didn't do that? What if you did do that? Let's talk about all those things on a consultation call and then you really get to walk away knowing what your next step is Like. Okay, I need to learn to process this emotion or I need to start doing this other thing that's gonna help me move through this. And, you know, if coaching is right for you, then that's an option that we can discuss on the call, and if it's not, then that's great too, but you're gonna walk away feeling so excited about what's coming up for you, and if you decide you wanna do coaching, then we figure that out then too. Okay, I hope this was helpful.
Megan Devito:I am wishing you all a very happy and successful new year. And if your new year is starting sometime other than in January, it starts from wherever you are. You can have a brand new year from April 12th to April 12th, but you gotta start somewhere. All right, guys, thanks for listening. If I don't talk to you on a consultation call, I will be back again next week. Take care, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the More Than Anxiety podcast. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And, of course, if you're ready to feel more relaxed, have more energy, more confidence and a lot more fun, go to megandevito. com/ work with me, or just to the show notes to talk to me more about coaching. See you soon.