Venting is a great way to let off steam, clear your head, and find support when you're stressed out, but when you're venting and ranting about the same thing over and over, you're making things worse.
In Episode 70, I'm talking about how venting to feel better, but never letting go or resolving anything keeps you stressed, and stuck, and can even push people away.
I'm sharing simple steps you can take when you need to vent that make venting productive, still feel good, and move you toward solutions so you don't keep rolling around in the same problem over and over.
If you're stuck in the cycle of unproductive venting, SCHEDULE A CONSULTATION CALL to talk with me 1:1. We’ll have a conversation about things that feel good in your life right now and things that don’t and I’ll help you see the places that you can start making changes.
Help others find this resource so they can calm, confident, and have more fun by leaving a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review wherever you listen.
Venting is a great way to let off steam, clear your head, and find support when you're stressed out, but when you're venting and ranting about the same thing over and over, you're making things worse.
In Episode 70, I'm talking about how venting to feel better, but never letting go or resolving anything keeps you stressed, and stuck, and can even push people away.
I'm sharing simple steps you can take when you need to vent that make venting productive, still feel good, and move you toward solutions so you don't keep rolling around in the same problem over and over.
If you're stuck in the cycle of unproductive venting, SCHEDULE A CONSULTATION CALL to talk with me 1:1. We’ll have a conversation about things that feel good in your life right now and things that don’t and I’ll help you see the places that you can start making changes.
Help others find this resource so they can calm, confident, and have more fun by leaving a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review wherever you listen.
Welcome to the More Than Anxiety podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I'm the Life Coach for stressed out and anxious women who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety isn't holding you back. Get ready for a lighthearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth, talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it. Hey, there. You are listening to episode 70 of the More Than Anxiety podcast. It is so great to have you here again this week.
Megan Devito:
I know we're coming off of a very busy season and this episode is airing the second week of January 2024 so my guess is that you're back into that pre-holiday routine at work or at home, and I wonder if it feels good or if it feels really uncomfortable. So how are you doing with whatever you might have told yourself you're going to work on in the new year? If you made a resolution and you think you've already dropped the ball, I'm just here to offer that you can decide right now that you haven't messed it up at all. I think one of the biggest problems with resolutions is people think they have to do them 100% perfectly, and as soon as they don't, they think the game is over and they failed. And there's a lot of thinking problems going on there that explain why resolutions don't stick for so many people Thinking from trying to be perfect, all or nothing thinking, judging yourself, just ick. So give yourself some grace and figure out why you want to stick with the resolution and get back to it. But resolutions are so weird to me anyway. You've probably heard me say this before if you've listened to any of my past podcast episodes. On one hand, I totally love the idea of setting yourself for a really great new year and committing to make changes that are going to be good for you, but on the other hand, there's just so much pressure on when you have to start and what it's supposed to be like, so it's really no wonder that people fail and then get down on themselves and then they end up frustrated and feeling stuck and they go back to the bad habits, because they're super simple and easy and they feel good, even when you don't like them or want them, because in some way they benefit you.
Megan Devito:
Here's what I mean If you hate smoking, but you just keep smoking, it's a habit and it benefits you because the nicotine immediately helps you relax. I don't think I need to talk about all the reasons not to smoke. But if you want to eat more vegetables and protein but you find yourself diving into that bowl of mac and cheese again, you benefit from the mac and cheese because it's comfort food, and we call it that for a reason. It's got a lot of fat and carbs in it and they make you feel good and they give you that little boost of energy for a little time, and then they give you a nice nap later. And then, of course, we know that macaroni and cheese won't kill you, but it might not be something that's going to help you reach your health goal either.
Megan Devito:
But another example that I want to talk more about in this episode is venting and how venting feels really productive and good and like you're getting things off your chest, and that is 100% true. And venting can also become a habit that's doing more to keep you stuck, feeling miserable when you use it as a coping mechanism. So venting, yes, but also venting no. Then why do people vent? Well, because it feels good, right? So isn't it good, when you're having a bad day, to talk about things that are bothering you. Yes, it is. Remember I told you that it was good. But there's a flip side to that. Venting's a great way to let out negative emotions, especially when you're really frustrated or angry. You get to let go, like let it all out, with people who will listen or sympathize or empathize with you until you just cool off and you can regroup and get back to whatever it is you're doing there. You can and like, venting makes your blood pressure go down, so you're not all pent up and grouchy, and you can think clearly, so you start solving whatever the problem is, instead of bottling it all up inside and then staying stuck and eventually just exploding on somebody. Plus, there's something really great about just knowing someone else knows what you're thinking and dealing with and understands, or is that they're at least listening to you.
Megan Devito:
I talked last week about learning how to feel and process emotions, and venting can be a way of working through negative emotions and crappy situations, as long as you're doing it productively, because there's a powerful way to vent. And then there's the kind of venting that you just do it and it doesn't really get you anywhere. I have a Facebook group and when I created that group, one of the rules that I created was ranting isn't helpful. So in this group we focus on solutions and support. A lot of groups that I've been to on Facebook is just people coming on and say I'm sorry, I just need to vent, and that's fine.
Megan Devito:
But when your venting turns into ranting, even though it still feels good, it can actually make whatever it is that you you're needing to vent or rant worse, because that kind of vent or rant is focused on complaining only. There's nothing productive about complaining about the same situation or the same person over and over again if you're not actively trying to find a solution. It still feels good for a moment, but every time you rehash the same situation without solving anything, you're making the situation bigger and more intense, and once that little quick bit of feeling good wears off, you're just back to the beginning and every time you open the same memory in your brain. Every time you think the same thing. It changes just a little bit, so you could even be making it worse or more intense or not remembering the original problem. So what you want to do is you just want to vent and solve.
Megan Devito:
Another thing that I see happen a lot is having someone that you love, or maybe you're the person who's always venting to the same person over and over again and when you know you can go to that person or that group of friends and get all that negative stuff out, and you keep going to them every day or every week. You start riding that line between sharing and overburdening them with your problems. And as much as they say they don't mind listening in the beginning, and as much as they, or even you, want to be there and be helpful, it turns into an echo chamber after a while and people start backing up when they see you coming or they notice that you're all of a sudden - you're dodging their texts or you're avoiding your friends when you see them out because you're like, oh man, or maybe they start avoiding you. One way or another, you know that feeling when you're like, oh I, just every time I have to vent I go to this person. It's so weird I haven't talked to him in a while. It might just be that they're not sure how else to help you.
Megan Devito:
And remember, a while back I did an episode on I feel like my anxiety is annoying people. This is entirely different. This isn't it. Feeling anxious and going to people for reassurance and trying to make yourself feel better. This is actually going to them to say, oh my God, and then my boss did this. Or, oh my gosh, my boss did this, my mother in law did this, or my husband - he's driving me crazy, whatever it is.
Megan Devito:
To be fair, though, nobody wants to lay their emotional garbage on anyone else, and people don't want to be annoyed or overburdened by their friends, so let's just talk about the best way to handle this. So venting is actually benefiting you, because, remember, there is a real benefit to it. We don't want it to keep you stressed out, because there are really great perks to a vent session when you do it right. So the first thing you want to consider when you're getting ready to lay everything out there is who are you talking to and where are you? Sometimes, when that pressure or that stress gets really high and you pull your co-worker aside in the workroom, it's best to just stop and look around. The last thing you want to do is spew all of your frustrations with your boss out on the table to someone who is maybe their friend, or maybe someone who else might hear what you say, and then turn it around on you. So this can also happen if you're airing your grievances in some place where other people can hear you.
Megan Devito:
So I keep picturing the lunchroom from The Office. Imagine if you were in the lunchroom on the office, you know, the one with the vending machines, where they all go in there and they have the little tables Okay, I want you to imagine that and you're eating lunch and you decided to get a few things off your chest and Phyllis or Dwight, walk in. So choose the right place in the right ears. It's always better to like stay on the side of caution and away from the crowd associated with whatever it is that's frustrating you; not because somebody's out to get you, but because people hear things and then they whisper it to someone else and eventually the wrong person hears it. So be aware of where you are and who you are vending to If you have any questions about who you vent to.
Megan Devito:
Journaling can be a really great way to get your thoughts out without worrying who else will know what you're thinking. I really love this method because not only can you write exactly what you think and feel with absolutely no filter, but you can also go back and read it, and it's so, so powerful to see what you wrote, then notice how you respond when you read it back. Sometimes you'll wonder what the heck was I thinking, and you'll even start to edit your thoughts when you notice that things don't really feel 100% true anymore, or that maybe you might be being a little too hard on yourself or hard on somebody else. Or maybe you start coming up with ways that you can deal with the situation and really that's where the change happens and that's when venting gets really beneficial, when you come up with your own solutions. So productive venting always includes problem solving. Otherwise it's just a bitching session and while those feel really great and they're fine here and there, if you notice you're mostly complaining and not looking to fix anything, then you need to hit the brakes. The best venting clears your mind, lowers your blood pressure, resets your nervous system and gets you back to being thinking, so that you're thinking clearly, so you don't have to be angry or stressed out anymore.
Megan Devito:
Whatever it is that you're venting on, stop and consider that it might not be true at all. This is why journaling it and going back and reading what you wrote is really powerful. I know it feels true, but however you're feeling about your partner or your sister, your boss, your teenager, your parents, your neighbor, unless it is 100% true for everyone. Every time it's what you're thinking about them that's keeping you stressed out, and when it's only from what you're thinking, that means you have total control over how you feel. I teach this to the people I coach. The things that stress you out come from your thoughts.
Megan Devito:
If you don't like visiting your in-laws, ask yourself what you think about visiting them. Then choose to think something different or solve the problem. And I know there are some of you that are getting a little hot under the collar right now and thinking, but Megan, my sister-in-law, really is a whiny, manipulative hag. She is toxic. And that might be true for you and you can choose to not be there. When she's there, you can choose to tell her off, you can cut all ties, you can fake it and go anyway, or you can think different things about her by asking yourself questions. Yes, I swear you really can do that through venting and letting go of whatever it is that has you all worked up. If you feel like venting has become a habit or that you're needing to vent over and over, but you're not making any progress, you just keep getting angry about the situation, I want to offer you the opportunity to chat with me about how I can help you.
Megan Devito:
Life coaching is all about helping people make changes in what they think and how they respond or behave, and what they believe about themselves. When you take time to slow down and pay attention to what you think, you start to notice different emotions, behaviors and things like that that you do automatically. Sometimes this might be grabbing a cookie when you're sad, and sometimes it's rage-venting. We all have things we do and thoughts that we think out of habit, and often it just takes someone else listening and asking questions to see what's rolling around in your brain. And once you know that you can choose new thoughts to think or actions to take that can help you solve the problems that you're stuck venting about, I'll help you set goals and I'll help you start taking one step at a time to reach those goals and learn to celebrate your successes so that you have fun and you can grow your confidence while you do it.
Megan Devito:
To schedule time to talk with me, you can go to the show notes and click the link for a consultation call. Those calls are always free, they last about an hour and it's all about where you're struggling and what you want to experienc instead. We'll have a conversation about things that feel good in your life right now and things that don't, and I'll help you see the places where you can start making changes. And after we talk and if coaching feels like a perfect next step for you and also for me, you can say yes or you can say no. Either way, you're going to know what changes are going to help you feel less stressed out and less anxious and a lot more confident in about an hour.
Megan Devito:
Okay, and this is all I have for you this week. I hope this was super helpful and before I go, can you guys do me a favor Just take a minute, wherever you're listening to this podcast, to leave a review? Maybe leave five stars and follow along. This really helps me grow my reach and that way I can help so many more people, and only takes a few seconds of your time, so thank you in advance. If I don't talk to you on a consultation call this week, I will be back next week. Take care. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the More Than Anxiety podcast. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And, of course, if you're ready to feel more relaxed, have more energy, more confidence and a lot more fun, go to MeganDeVitocom forward slash, work with me, or just to the show notes to talk to me more about coaching. See you soon.