Ep 79 - 10 Signs You're Doing Better Than You Think

If you've ever felt like you're in a relentless battle with anxiety, you're not alone.  Anxiety doesn't switch from 'chaos' to 'calm' overnight; it's slow change and growth that happens over time. But along the way, there are signs to show you things are getting better and you need to celebrate them!

In this episode, I'm sharing 10 different signs that you're doing better than you think you in letting go of anxiety, building your confidence, and changing your life.

Join me, as you celebrate all the ways you're already winning, and when you're ready to put your foot on the gas, CLICK HERE to schedule time to talk to me 1:1.

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Transcript

Megan Devito: 0:03

Welcome to the More Than Anxiety podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I'm the Life Coach for stressed out and anxious women who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety isn't holding you back. Get ready for a lighthearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth, talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it. Hey there, welcome to episode 79.

Megan Devito: 0:32

As always, I am super excited that you're here listening today. If this is your first episode, welcome. I hope you love this one. It's going to be filled with so much encouragement and hope and I just want to get started. So I want to tell you that often when I am doing a consultation call or a coaching call, especially early on when I'm working with someone, they will tell me they feel like nothing could possibly help them, or they'll tell me that they think they're so far gone that they're really just going to be stuck feeling anxious forever, or that they'll never make any progress. That is a really horrible feeling and thought to hold on to,

Megan Devito: 1:09

so in this episode, I'm going to give a collection of signs to give you hope and more encouragement, so you know that you really are doing better than you might think you are when it comes to changing your relationship to yourself, while you're learning new ways to feel or think or do things when you might actually be really afraid of feeling anxious, or when you're learning new habits or ways to think about how you feel and think when you're a little bit, or even a lot, anxious. So let's talk about this. One of the things that I know I used to do literally on a paper calendar, was keep track of anxiety symptoms and thoughts which, depending on how you might do something similar to this, can either be really helpful or really hold you back. For me, it was helpful because I ended up using all of those notes that I would jot down before bed every night to prove myself or to prove my anxiety wrong. But if you're keeping track of every little twinge of anxiety that you feel, or you're checking to see if you're still anxious because you're afraid, or you're making sure you're okay, then what you're doing is constantly refocusing your thoughts back to your body and how you feel, and this is exactly what you don't want to do. You don't want to be focusing on how you feel, or what you think or what you do. So what I want to talk about and what I want you to do, and what will help you do this, is to change what you think about how you feel, and to learn to take a step back. So imagine if you can watching yourself like a movie, or if you are sitting on a bench and people watching in the park.

Megan Devito: 2:51

I want you to use this list that I'm going to go over with you to start looking for what's going well, what might seem insignificant, but what is really important, and then re-evaluate what you think about yourself. I think there's a misconception out there that you wake up some crazy miraculous morning and something magically happened overnight. So if this is what you're waiting for, when you're waiting for some sort of anxiety breakthrough that just beams down from the sky, hold on, because you're going to be very disappointed, because change isn't this lightning bolt event. It takes time for your brain to learn how, or new ways of thinking and new ways of being, but it is always changing and when you start to look, there are signs along the way that you might be missing. So let's get into this list. You might have only one of these signs, or if you are all 10 and it doesn't matter, just pay attention to the ones that resonate with you or the ones that are like, wait a minute, that happened to me and go with it. Don't keep track, don't think, oh, I only have two. Two is amazing. That is amazing. 10 is like what the heck are you doing listening to this podcast? Like tell somebody else to come listen. So here we go.

Megan Devito: 4:13

Number one. If you notice, you start to feel anxious when you don't feel anxious. This sounds one. This freaks people out. I mean, I'm not even anxious, and then I notice, and then I get anxious. I hear this all the time. This is progress because you're noticing that you didn't feel anxious. This happens to people when they start to relax, which is really what they want, and then they have a thought about it. Something like they're going to miss something or that they expect it to all just fall apart, and, of course, that just makes it all fall apart. That's okay. This is a great step forward. We can work with this and we can start to change what you think about your luck or your ability to feel good things and, by the way, none of this is luck but you have to build up a tolerance to feeling good, which is really weird. Remember, your brain likes everything to stay the same and when you suddenly feel good, your brain is going to freak out because it's not used to it. I promise that will stop, but if you're noticing that, that means you're going in the right direction.

Megan Devito: 5:16

Number two. You notice that you're less tired because you started sleeping better. Maybe you notice that you're falling asleep easier or you're staying asleep, or you're waking up refreshed, which could be a huge difference if you're tossing and turning and just getting hit or miss sleep. If you've had trouble falling asleep or waking up anxious, this means your body is, and you're not anymore anyway; it means that your body is starting to relax more and your brain is clearing out some of that anxious clutter while you were asleep, which is what it's supposed to do. So sleep and movement and I don't really talk about movement today, but those two things are like free miracle drugs that we tend to shove to the side, because sleep feels really difficult when you're anxious or depressed and movement can feel really difficult when you're anxious or depressed. But if we can move through the thoughts you have about sleep and that you have about movement. They are miracle drugs. They're not the fast acting kind that you're looking for in a pill, but they are free and they work so much better. If you're noticing that it's already happening, you are ahead of the game.

Megan Devito: 6:24

Number three. If you start to catch yourself doing things that make you feel proud or confident and you wonder what happened. So you might notice that you feel anxious after the fact, like what did I just do? Oh my gosh, what was I thinking? But you didn't stop in the moment to overthink it before you told somebody no, or before you joined this new book club, because that book sounded good and you were going to read it alone and suddenly you're in a book club, or maybe you joined a gym, whatever it is. It's almost like somebody snuck in and took over and you wonder how you managed to do that thing that you've always been anxious about. That person who snuck in was the real you. It's the one who's not anxious and who knows the truth and she's coming out to play. And hallelujah, if that's happened to you, and you're like, oh my gosh, what have I done? No, that's incredible. Congratulations. That's it.

Megan Devito: 7:20

Number four. You noticed what you think and you didn't immediately believe the thought about yourself, about what you were doing or what somebody else might think, whatever it is. This is especially true when the thought is one that triggers you, and it's okay if you still get triggered. Triggers are triggers. You might even notice that your body feels anxious, but the thought feels less true or maybe less urgent or less important. So you're looking at what you think as a thought and not a fact. This is big time stuff and you are doing amazing. Give yourself credit for that. Number five. You can name the quote unquote bad emotions as more than just being bad or feeling anxious, and this only happens because you're not trying to push them away. So you're looking at how you feel instead of closing your eyes and hiding and trying to make it stop. Even when you feel guilt or shame or judgment or just horrible anxiety, whatever it else that's coming up for you, you're still taking that short tiny bit of time to say what do I actually feel? Why do I feel so guilty instead of why do I feel so bad, which means wrong, or dangerous, or anxious or whatever else. That's a big deal.

Megan Devito: 8:45

Number six. You start to understand who you are, what you like, or what you don't like, and you give yourself more love and more respect because you know you deserve it. A lot of people trip over that word deserve. I don't really deserve anything. That is so not true. You are alive, you are a human being and you deserve love and respect. Period. So often people tell me that they don't think they deserve to have boundaries or they should say nice things about themselves. I should never say those nice things about myself.

Megan Devito: 9:19

When you think that you can't admit you're amazing at something or that you deserve some downtime to relax, your brain will keep deciding to put you second. So you'll stay overwhelmed or anxious or stressed out, trying to make everybody else happy, to feel good about yourself, and then you'll get burnout and you'll feel anxious and terrible. But when you start to believe that you deserve to have good things, you deserve to have more time to relax, you deserve to respect from your coworkers or from your kids or your spouse, then your brain will also make decisions from those thoughts. But you have to choose yourself. This is not prideful. This is legitimate self care. It is not going to a spa. It's not like - yoga is great for sure, remember I just said movement is magic, but choosing yourself, to be able to say 'no, I'm not going to do that, because I know I need time to rest;' you need time to rest, and when you start giving that to yourself and noticing it, that's a sign that something's beginning to happen to you, and it's a good sign. So if you all of a sudden put down a rule and you held it, celebrate yourself.

Megan Devito: 10:33

Give yourself a huge high five. Number seven. You're getting out more, or you're trying new things, because you have more energy and clearer thinking and you're not quite so afraid of how you feel. This one goes along with sleep and with catching yourself doing things that might make you feel proud and confident, but with this teeny, like the slight difference that you're choosing to go do things that you know might make you feel anxious, you're stronger. And even when you have a plan to leave, like ASAP, if the wind blows the wrong way, I'm out of here. That's okay. You're still going, instead of avoiding it all together. I'm not saying you're going and you stay the whole time and you're like I don't know what was wrong with me. I'm saying that you realize that you're gonna feel anxious and you're like I'm gonna go, but as soon as I feel bad, I leave. That's still a step in the right direction and I will take it every single day. That is the work. Good job.

Megan Devito: 11:32

Number eight. You physically feel better. Your body isn't tense, so your muscles aren't quite as sore or heavy. You don't have as many headaches, and if you notice when you're anxious that your gut churns and you're always running to the bathroom when you're anxious, you might notice that You're not doing that quite as often. Your body is healing. Anxiety is not all in your head. We know that. We know that it feels real. We know that it's scary, but it's actually in your body too. It is a whole- body experience. So when your body relaxes, your thoughts slow down and then you relax more, and then this makes you sleep better, and then that sleep helps your body relax more, so it piggybacks on itself, noticing that you're sleeping better and then noticing that you're relaxing and suddenly it's like, oh, I'm in this different cycle now, and it can start with just noticing that maybe your shoulders aren't as tense. You haven't had a headache in a few days. You know what I've been eating food and not having to bolt to the restroom after lunch as fast as I can. Those are all improvements that can come because you're suddenly noticing changes in the level of anxiety that you've got. That's a big deal.

Megan Devito: 12:43

Number nine. You accidentally do something without a detailed plan. You're not overthinking or overplanning or hyping yourself up, you just do it and you kind of play your mind because you don't have any idea how. This one is usually followed up with 'that was a fluke', but it is 100% not a fluke. You just weren't thinking so the danger that your brain likes to create when you're anxious didn't exist. It was just doing what you do. So I see this one a lot. It gets shrugged off so often and it always creates the stopping point at the stopping point. When I'm coaching somebody, when I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we are not gonna skim over that. Stop, say it again and I have them repeat what they just said Like they're just gonna pretend like nothing ever happened. That's success? Absolutely not. If we do anything a lot, it is celebrate that small stuff and that isn't small. This is another example of that real you going out in living and you have to show your brain that this is already happening, so it will keep doing it.

Megan Devito: 13:49

And number 10. You stop checking to see if you are healthy, which is really just that you stop checking for anxiety symptoms because you know they aren't there and you're not afraid of them, even if they do show up. This is a huge, like neon sign that you are well on your way to recovery and that you're even in recovery, possibly because that place, in that place that you're just dying to get to, that you think's going to feel different in a like a flash. It isn't a place where anxiety doesn't exist. It's a place where it doesn't matter. And this is what I imagine that probably the rest of the world who isn't anxious maybe like me, or like you, or other people that have really big feelings they just kind of gloss over the feeling and they do things automatically that we are learning to do one step at a time. They're like oh yeah, I know that's anxiety, whatever. It's just there and when you don't give it the attention that it's screaming for, it stops. Its stopped every single time. If you go back and you look at all the times in your life that you felt anxious, that you thought I am going to be in so much trouble forever, tell me that it didn't stop. Even if it started again, it's still stopped, because it's not forever.

Megan Devito: 15:04

If you feel like you're stuck and you're not getting where, just start to notice how many of these things are actually happening with you. You have to be intentional about pointing them out to yourself, though, so if you notice that you're doing better, than you might - if you notice that you're doing better than you might think you are. That's a big part of what coaching does for someone. It just shows them the things that are already working, because it creates so much momentum as we work through how you feel and what you think when you're anxious.

Megan Devito: 15:32

Those are the sticky parts that can be really hard to work through when you're super anxious, and then you get stuck believing all of those anxious thoughts that you have because they feel really true inside your body, don't they? I think this scary thing, and suddenly my heart's beating really fast and my brain thinks well, that must be true, so it thinks more. I'm gonna help you create an off ramp so that you can say, 'I feel this way, time to bypass the brain'. That's what we wanna create, so I can help you learn to calm down your body so that you can believe the truth instead, and it is nearly impossible to do that when you keep trying to think the same thoughts over and over again, when you keep believing them and thinking them, and believing them and thinking them. And my guess is that there is a part inside of you that knows that those thoughts are garbage thoughts, that they're just random things your brain is throwing out there, but you still get caught up in them. And I say that with all the love in the world, because I've done it too.

Megan Devito: 16:28

And we can talk about all of this on a consultation call. You can schedule one of those on my website. It's just my name, megandevitocom. You just go to the work with me tab and click that and you can schedule time to talk with me. That call is free and it is super powerful to help you find what's keeping you stuck and what will help you let go and move forward, which is where you're already headed.

Megan Devito: 16:52

If you're noticing these signs, you're already moving forward. You're motivated, which means you're exactly the type of person that is an ideal client for me, and it means that you're ready to hit the gas and move even faster. So you keep growing your confidence and your tolerance to anxious feelings, without being afraid that it's a fluke or that everything will come crashing down around you at any minute, and you're gonna learn to stop looking for what could go wrong and start finding what's actually going well right now. You'll learn to challenge yourself to do more new things that make you feel uncomfortable on purpose, because you know that it's how you prove anxiety wrong and show yourself how powerful you are. And when you do feel anxious and listen to me, you will, because you are a human being and everyone does, you'll know that it's just a feeling and you're gonna be able to let it go. So you have more focus at work, and more creativity, and more energy to have fun after work, and to be able to go be present with your family. Whatever you're doing right now, you can be more present.

Megan Devito: 18:02

My friend, that is what I have for you today. I hope this was encouraging. I hope you heard at least one and maybe more things that made you feel like okay, maybe I really do have this, because you absolutely do. Thank you for listening and for sharing this episode with someone else who needs to hear it. If I don't talk to you before, I will be back next week, take care. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the More Than Anxiety podcast. Before you go, be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And, of course, if you're ready to feel more relaxed, have more energy, more confidence and a lot more fun, you can go to the show notes, click the link and talk to me about coaching. Talk to you soon.