In this episode, I'm talking about uncertainty in the workplace and how everything from AI to layoffs and unclear expectations left one of my clients feeling anxious and grasping for anything she could control. I'll walk you through the process she and I used to help her step back, find what is working for her, and to feel safety and confidence in her career - even in an industry that has drastically changed in recent years.
Enjoy the episode.
Help others find this resource so they can calm, confident, and have more fun by leaving a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review wherever you listen.
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Schedule your consultation and let's talk coaching!
Thanks for listening!
In this episode, I'm talking about uncertainty in the workplace and how everything from AI to layoffs and unclear expectations left one of my clients feeling anxious and grasping for anything she could control. I'll walk you through the process she and I used to help her step back, find what is working for her, and to feel safety and confidence in her career - even in an industry that has drastically changed in recent years.
Enjoy the episode.
Help others find this resource so they can calm, confident, and have more fun by leaving a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ review wherever you listen.
Find me on Instagram
Find me on Facebook
Schedule your consultation and let's talk coaching!
Thanks for listening!
Welcome to the More Than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan DeVito and I'm the life coach for stressed out and anxious women who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety isn't holding you back. Get ready for a lighthearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth, talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it. Hey there, welcome to episode 87 of the More Than Anxiety podcast. My name is Megan. I'm so excited to have you here again this week. Welcome if you're watching this on YouTube or if you're listening wherever the heck you listen to your podcasts. I'm a life coach. I help high achieving women who are anxious calm their bodies so that they can think clearly and achieve their goals.
Speaker 1:This week, I want to talk to you guys about when you are in a place where you're trying to control everything around you because you feel anxious. So let's go ahead and get started. I want to tell you about someone I was coaching recently on what it's like to be in her position. She is an executive in her industry and she works really hard. She's very creative and brilliant and has this great job, but her industry as a whole is in a little bit of turmoil and chaos and everything is different than it's ever been and the entire time that she has worked in her position, and really even historically, it's different than it's ever been. One of the things that we talked about is the uptick in people using AI for different things, how tech, and AI, specifically, are affecting her job and the future of not only her job, but everyone's job and everything that is going to happen in the field that she works in. So we're talking about this and she's telling me everything feels way too big and way out of control and I don't know what to do about it. I feel like I don't know where to start. I feel like I don't even know the right things to bring my ideas. I don't know where to take my ideas or what to do with them, and I'm stuck. There's absolutely nothing in this that I can control and I'm scrambling just hoping that I'm still here. And this is really where we dug into what's going on and I said, okay, well, what do you want coached on this week let's talk about before we get into all the things, because I could tell that she was really just like. I don't even know where to begin with this. It's too big. It's too big for my brain and I have to fix it. So we paused and we took a step back and I said let's just start with this. Let's start with the fact that you have a lot of thoughts Before I go too much further.
Speaker 1:I want to admit that she works in an industry that I've never worked in. I don't have a lot of experience in this industry and I didn't fully understand the situation because there are so many moving parts. She and I had talked here and there, like between our sessions. She would send me maybe a podcast to listen to, or she would send me an article that someone had written about what was going on, so that I could better understand what she was dealing with when she was at work or when she was thinking about work, and that was really helpful for me, but it's much bigger than my experience and what I do. But that's where we were at that moment.
Speaker 1:So we started by going through all the thoughts that she had about this particular situation and I was like, just hit me, tell me everything that you're thinking. So normally I type up notes, but I was like you know what, hold on, I have to grab paper. So I grabbed paper and I just start furiously writing down all the thoughts because I'm thinking this is going to take up like a ton of space and I knew that I could tell before we even started that there was going to be something. So she started out just writing out like, or telling me I think this, and I think this, and I think this and I think this, and I think this and I think this and this was all around her industry as a whole. So I was like tell me everything you think about your industry.
Speaker 1:So she went through and at one point, as she's going through all of these thoughts that she had and they had to be scary thoughts, and it was no wonder that she felt so anxious she breezed right over one thought and the thought was I know my contract will be renewed, but and then she just kept on going and she kept telling me more and more and I said wait, wait, wait, hold on a minute, let's just stop right there, because you have a lot of thoughts. I think we've got. We got the foundation of where we're going, but let's talk about the one that you didn't pay any attention to, which was, I know my contract will be renewed, but everything else that she had listed was about the industry. It was about all of the moving parts, all of the people, all of the things that had really the only thing they had to do with her was that it was part of her job and her career, which she loves, and she really is excited about this career. She wants to move up. I told you she's very creative. She's got really big ideas and projects that she wants to bring to her bosses.
Speaker 1:But in the middle of this, everything else other than that one sentence I know my contract will be renewed but was about everyone else's jobs and what everyone else was doing and what could potentially happen in the future or that wouldn't happen in the future or that wouldn't happen in the future. It was just a lot of guessing. The only thing that was actually about her or actually in her control was that one sentence. So we stopped right there and I just wanted her to know. But I want you to know that that is totally normal.
Speaker 1:When you feel anxious, your brain starts coming up with all the reasons why and it starts to look for anything that it thinks that you could control to keep you from losing your job or to keep you from not even having the career you want, because it could get phased out by AI, or it could get you know, some other company could buy up your company and just remove everybody from their positions. Whatever situation you're in, if your brain detects a threat to you, it's going to go completely crazy trying to come up with things that you can do, actions that you can take to solve it. And that's really where we want to stop, because in this whole thing, her job as a whole was safe, her industry is still there and still functioning and still doing things. But it's very different and brains love predictability and things feel pretty unpredictable in the business that she works in and she felt like her job was kind of unpredictable and kind of on shaky ground, maybe even though she admitted that she was definitely getting renewed and that she would be back in the same position. So that is really really important to notice that it doesn't have to be true that everything is falling apart. But if your brain even detects it, it will tell you that your brain is creative. It's inherently creative, so it's going to come up with all the stories.
Speaker 1:And I had another call with someone this morning where they said and then what about when you circle back to the what if this time is different? And I just want to offer that any time that your brain starts a sentence with what if that's a creative thought, it's not necessarily founded in truth. I'm not saying it's not partly true or that it couldn't eventually become true, but in the moment it's just a creative thought and that's really where we were with her at that point in time. So whatever reasons you come up with can make you feel more anxious. So whatever reasons you come up with can make you feel more anxious. So the more that she entertained all of those scary scenarios with all the other thoughts about things that were outside of her control, the more anxious and out of control she felt as she's trying to grasp for control.
Speaker 1:I also wonder if, in this kind of like grasping place, where we think, when we're anxious, that we need to control it, we need it to be done our way, do you actually want to be in charge of everything, do you actually want to be in control? Because I've seen the movie Bruce Almighty where he's like just let me be in charge and that's not that great. My answer for that is like there is a God and it's not me, and thank God for that. I don't want to be in charge of everything or everyone, because that is more than my brain could handle and I think that, like if you've never seen that movie, go back and watch it and you'll be like you know what. Thank goodness that I am not in charge of everything. So we kind of paused with that and I said do you really want to be in charge of your entire industry of everything? So we kind of paused with that and I said do you really want to be in charge of your entire industry, of everything and every moving part? And her answer was no, absolutely not. So that step back. Let's just create this pause, let's create this break.
Speaker 1:So we stopped coaching for a minute and said, okay, let's clear it out, let's get all of those thoughts out of there and let's pay attention to what you are really looking for here. So we talked a little bit more and some of the things that came up for her was this idea of I have to have the perfect response or the perfect presentation to make sure that I keep this position that I currently have. That's going to be there for a while, but I want to make sure that I keep doing it perfectly. And I said well, who's perfect? And that's a really good question to ask yourself whenever you notice that you're going down that path of trying to find perfection. Tell me, like your perfect or my perfect, who's perfect are we looking for? Because perfectionism is really perfectionism or being perfect is really different for everyone. We all look at it differently and we all have a different idea of perfect. Okay, so that was one thing.
Speaker 1:Her other thought that she had was I don't want to fail. If I fail, I'll lose my job, or if the industry fails, we'll all lose our jobs. And so if I know in advance what's going to happen, I can fix it or I can stop it from happening, maybe Because there are certain things that we could know are going to happen, but we still can't fix them. But you can decide what you want to think about it and you can decide how you want to react to that thought. So we're going to get to that in just a second. But if you actually knew you could prevent it, would you want to and could you to begin with. So I said so, if you thought, like, if you could prevent everything from happening where you work and in all the things that you do, if you were in charge of preventing that for all of your, all of the place that you work, would you do that or could you do that? And she said, no, there's no way I could control all of that. And I said, okay, good, so we can let go of that.
Speaker 1:And then the other thing was that and this was a really this is a really basic brain thing of this I don't know what's going to happen. And your brain wants that predictability, it wants to know what comes next, so it can make sure that you either lock yourself away, that you can avoid it, or so that you can run away from it, or so that you can fight it off. And it really is this idea of going into, or you can people-please right, fight, flight, freeze and fawn and fawning is really people-pleasing and making sure everything's okay and being like the one that smooths it over, and none of those things were really benefiting her. So when that happens and you feel like you have to think more and come up with all the scary scenarios to mitigate them, so that you can say I can fix this, I could do this, I could do this. That's when we want to look at okay, hold on, do I really want that? What's actually true? So let's circle back to the fact that she still has a job, I still have my contract, my contract's being renewed, okay.
Speaker 1:So when we did that, when we created that pause, what we did was I said I'm going to read you that list of all the things you thought again. So I went back to the list that I had written on a piece of paper and I said I just want you to listen to the list. And I started reading and reading and reading. And I said now just notice how your body feels. And she said, yeah, that list feels like I have a lot of things I have to fix. And I said, yeah, that's right. So let's just name the emotions that are coming up. So we went through thought by thought again If I say this thought, what's the emotion?
Speaker 1:If I say this thought, what's the emotion? If I say this one, what's the emotion? And we noticed some of them were on repeat Desperate was one, and then feeling out of control was one. Anxiety was one. Frustrated was one Angry was one. There was just a lot of emotions and I said, okay, so we can see that all of these things are happening. And I said now let's exhale, let's get it all out of your body for a second. I'm going to read you this one I still have a contract.
Speaker 1:She sat there for a minute and she kind of started to laugh a little bit. She was like, yeah, Okay, well, that one's actually true. And I was like, yeah, how does that one feel? What's that emotion? And she said, well, that one feels good. And I said, yeah, that feels good. We don't really have to go any further than that, it feels good. And when we look at that thought I still have a contract and that feels good.
Speaker 1:I asked her I said well, what's different about that statement? And she's like, well, that one's true. And I said, yeah, it's true, but it's also the only one that pertains specifically to you. The rest of them are all about a bunch of other things and a bunch of other people. So I said let's just control the you stuff. Let's just look at what's in your power in your job, because the only thing that you can really control is yourself, your thoughts, your reactions and your attitude, and that's it.
Speaker 1:So we talked about what can you control about your job. How can you show up so they're always going to make sure that you are there? How can you show them what you bring to the table and that your ideas are amazing? How can you end up being the one person that they would never lay off? Let's talk about what you can control. What do you want to believe about your position in your job? What do you want to believe about what happens if you decide you don't want to be there anymore?
Speaker 1:And as we talked about that, she started to feel more confident, like oh, wait a second. Okay, I really don't need to control all of this. I know that I've got what I need. And I said okay, you've got a meeting coming up. Let's talk about how you want to go into that meeting. And I said what would you have to go like? What would you have to say when you went into that meeting to show them that you are that person to keep? She's like well, I am the one that comes up with the good ideas. Like, I am the one that other people from other companies in the same industry know that they can come to to talk with our company so that we can work together. And I was like, yeah, you're the go-to person, let's lean into that, let's go into the meeting, let's show them that you're the person that could actually do a lot of good here, who can make things easier for everyone, not fix control, but that you can be that person that actually is calm through all of this and that feels really solid in her own job.
Speaker 1:And by the time we got back, or like by the time we got off that call, she felt really good. And it was a Friday and I was like, okay, are we good? And she said, yeah, I feel good. And I want to offer that you are only one thought change from an entirely different mood and perspective and from a really good weekend.
Speaker 1:And that feeling that you have to control everything is just coming from your brain, scrambling, trying to figure out how your body feels and why you feel so anxious. For her, it was a lot of worrying about some pretty big things. For her, it was a lot of worrying about some pretty big things. And if we let your brain, if you let your brain go down that path of all of the scary scenarios and creating giant existential threats and crises all the time. You're going to feel anxious. I have done it more times than I care to admit and I can still whip up a really good catastrophe in no time flat.
Speaker 1:I'm not telling you that I don't do that sometimes. What I'm telling you is that I've helped create an off ramp for myself to say, ooh, wait a minute, this is really a lot. That's what I'm going to help you do when we work together. We're going to create an exit so that when you notice that you're starting to think about a lot of things that feel anxiety provoking for you, that you can put the brakes on and that you can go. Oh, I know this feeling. This is when I have to stop thinking. I'm going to help you create that. I'm going to help you change what you think and to notice what you actually can control and what you can do, and to show you that you are safe and that you've actually you're really amazing at your job and that, of course, they're lucky to have you.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about this, okay. Go find me on Instagram, go find me on threads or on Facebook. I am Coach Megan DeVito in all of those places. If you're watching this on YouTube. You can leave me a comment, or you can jump over to one of those other social media platforms and message me. My DMs are always open. Just tell me you want to talk. Let's find time to do that and let's figure out what's going on with you.
Speaker 1:How does anxiety show up for you? It's not the same for everybody. It might feel very similar. It's always going to go like catastrophic or worst case scenario or all and nothing. You're always going to have big thoughts, but it's going to go back to how you feel. Let's get it solved. Stop waiting. Stop waiting. You have so much brilliance to bring to the world. You were created for an incredible purpose. Let's get to it. Let's use it. All right, I hope this was helpful. I hope you enjoyed this episode and if I don't talk to you this week, I will be back next week with another episode and I will talk to you then. Take care, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the More Than Anxiety podcast. Before you go, be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And, of course, if you're ready to feel more relaxed, have more energy, more confidence and a lot more fun. You can go to the show notes, click the link and talk to me about coaching. Talk to you soon.