038: ⁠Why Self-Improvement Limits Your True Potential

The podcast discusses how the concept of self-improvement can inadvertently limit one's true potential. The hosts explore how the constant desire for improvement can stem from a sense of lack, leading to issues such as self-doubt and procrastination. They suggest shifting focus from the perceived lack to taking action and embracing tasks at hand without dwelling on what's lacking. Additionally, they debate whether the motivation for self-improvement stems from a sense of lack or from inspiration to serve and provide value.

Connect with Mike Chang:
- Instagram: @mikechangofficial
-Youtube: Mike Chang
- Website: www.flow60.com

Connect with Stephen Yeh:
-Instagram: @iamstephenyeh
-Twitter: @iamstephenyeh

Transcript

Stephen: [00:00:00] Welcome to another episode of Body Over Mind. This is your host, Stephen Yeh, with your co host, Mike Chang. And today we'll be talking about why self improvement Limits your true potential. Mike and I had a discussion around this the other day, and we're just going to dive in around why this is the case.

So Mike, why does self improvement limit your true potential? 

Mike: So when we are wanting to improve ourself, we're basically saying that there's something that is lacking within us. If not, there wouldn't be a reason to improve. So if we are constantly wanting to improve ourself, which many people are in that mindset, they believe that wanting to improve for the rest of their life is a very good thing.

And that by doing so. It's going to somehow allow them to [00:01:00] be better and better. But if we take a deeper look at this, by wanting to improve, it means that they are currently aware of some sort of lack. And this sense of lack will always be behind the scenes and always be causing somebody to not feel confident about themselves, to always view themselves as less, to let them feel less adequate, which then would turn into.

Problems with self belief and things like that. It's a very common thing that many people run into second, guessing themselves, self doubt, lack of confidence, and which then leads to procrastination. And perfectionism, right? All of these common things that people run into, but the source of it comes from this idea that we need to constantly improve and we need to take a closer look at this because we can say that technically part of this statement is true, but [00:02:00] not in the way that people are looking at the idea.

And that's why I wanted to open up the subject because I think so many people in the world share the mentality that it's needed to constantly improve, and that I'm going to constantly grow, and therefore they're always putting themselves in a state of lack. 

Stephen: So, when I'm thinking about this right now, I guess what it really comes down to is, what you're saying, it's not an issue to actually improve yourself.

But it's more so where's it coming from and why you want to improve yourself. And that's how it actually limits. 

Mike: Well, cause imagine improvement, the desire to improve. It doesn't create improvement. The desire to do something doesn't create the actual outcome. Doing the action or doing a action therefore creates improvement.[00:03:00] 

So let's say if I wanted to lose weight and I wanted to. The lose 10 pounds. So by wanting to lose weight, it does nothing for me. And therefore, if I keep focusing on wanting to lose weight, I want to lose 10 pounds, I want to lose 10 pounds. Then what I'm constantly saying to myself is that I'm overweight.

If I look at myself and I go, I want to learn more. I need to learn more. I need to learn more. I need to learn more. Then what I'm constantly reaffirming myself is that I don't know enough. I don't know enough. I don't know enough. If I go, I want to get a bigger house. I want a bigger house. I want a bigger house.

So what I'm constantly saying is, I have a small house, I have a small house. You see, every time we are focused on a desire, we're driving towards a desire, automatically we are aware of the opposite, the lack of that in which we want. So therefore, the problem is not so much of getting a bigger house or [00:04:00] losing 10 pounds.

There's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that we keep putting ourself in a state of lack. So therefore, it contradicts our ability to move forward, our ability to grow, to improve. Because we're constantly reaffirming a lack. So what we need to do instead is not focus on the lack that we have.

Therefore, not focus on the improvement that we think we need, but instead focus on the actual action. Focus on the work. Focus on the task at hand. If I want to lose 10 pounds, what do I need to do? Right? I need to go and change my eating. I need to go and exercise. I need to get sleep. So now I'm going to focus on the eating, exercise, and sleep.

Now, if someone goes, well, that is what I focus on. But the reason I focus on it is because I feel like I am overweight. And I need to lose 10 

Stephen: pounds. [00:05:00] 

Mike: So therefore, even if I'm focusing on these tasks, there's still a sense of lack that's deep inside. 

Stephen: But don't you think that's one of the main drivers though?

Because let's say , why will someone actually want to lose that 10 pounds? Let's say, okay. I want to lose 10 pounds, but the driver essentially, in general, most of the time, it comes from a sense of lack. It comes from pain. 

Mike: So this is where it gets interesting. It can come from lack or it can come from inspiration to serve, to provide value, to give.

Let's say we look at the actions of what it takes to lose 10 pounds, eating healthier, getting sleep. And exercising. So now if we were to think, well, what other motivations would cause me to want to do these three besides the fact that I'm going to lose 10 pounds? Because the fact is, if I was to [00:06:00] do these three, the effects are more than just a loss of 10 pounds.

Let's talk about the effects of increased motivation. When somebody is doing those three things, they have more motivation, not just to do more of those things. But more motivation in life in general, when somebody is doing these things, their energy increases, their mind becomes more clear. They have more drive to get things done.

So then what happens? They move forward and start to knock out other tasks that was challenging. Now they're suddenly are taking it on because they feel stronger. They're now showing up more, they're showing up more and they're not hiding away and they're not the, I don't feel like doing it. They're like, I got this, I got this, I can do it.

And suddenly they're doing the things that they weren't doing before a by product, right? So now why can't we focus on other [00:07:00] things? That are constantly being affected as well. Why do we focus on the lack? Why don't we focus on if I go and exercise, I'm going to be able to show up more to serve these people.

I'm going to be able to serve these people more. I'm going to be able to have the energy. And then with this added energy, I'm going to be able to create more here. Show up more for my family. I'm going to have more energy to play with my kids. Right. So then we focus on these things because these things are also effects that happen, but instead of focusing on these other effects of the action, we focus on a sense of lack within ourself.

We focus on the gain that we have within ourself, which then turns into the lack that we experienced within ourself as well. So anytime when we're doing something that improves ourself, that makes a change in us. There are ripple effects [00:08:00] in every single action that we do. Everything that we do, it changes, it improves.

So, instead of focusing on the lack within ourself, or instead of focusing on our own self gain, let's focus on the gain of others. Let's focus on the gain of The cause that we're passionate about. Let's focus on the gain of how we can serve more in society, how we can go ahead and lift up and help certain problems that exist out there, how we can go and connect deeper within the people that we love, because these things are also drivers, aren't they?

But when we focus on these things, we're not saying I'm lacking, I'm overweight. Right? But when we go and use those things as drivers, and then we exercise and then we eat healthy and we get sleep so that we can increase our energy, feel stronger and [00:09:00] healthier, so we can accomplish those things, we will also lose 10 pounds.

You see? So the big thing about this is. The focus is not fixated on me and my gain, therefore, my lack. The focus is not on that. The focus is focused on somebody else, another opportunity, other people. But the actions are still the same. We're still going to do the same three things, right? Eat, sleep, and exercise.

Stephen: I remember you sharing a story around this of, Natalia was, pregnant with Risa and there was a shift that happened inside of you. That was kind of a revelation for this particular insight. Can you share that? 

Mike: Yeah, that was about almost, actually exactly about two years ago.

I would say we're getting close to about two years. Cause this [00:10:00] was about a month, before Rizzo was born. So we're getting close cause he's about to be two years, two years old. Um, I'm sitting in the bedroom with, Natalia. She's like eight months pregnant. Her stomach's just out to there.

And I remember we're sitting on the ground in the bedroom, just talking. And , we have a lot of talks about these things, right? Cause you know, we're having a family. It's our first child. We're talking about the future and in the past, we have all these ideas, of, How we're going to spread this training system, how we're going to get it out to everyone.

We're going to, build out the social media channels, create all this content, you create value, do the certifications, do this whole idea that sounds so grand and awesome, but we haven't really started yet a little bit, but not quite. Really, you know, very part time let's just say. So here we are sitting on the bedroom floor and she looks at me and she's like, well, Mike, um, [00:11:00] so what are we going to do?

You know, what are we going to do about the future? You know, because, savings is running low. And, we don't really have a plan, , and I looked at her and I said, what I always say, well, yeah, , this is what we're going to do. Are we going to start the business and then we're going to create the products and then we're going to create these programs.

So we're going to be able to help all these people. And then she looks at me and she goes, yeah, Mike, but you've been saying this for the last three years, when you're going to actually do it. And she wasn't being defensive, and she wasn't being upset. It was just like a very honest, very calm, but just like a very caring response.

And I remember I was about to respond, and I had my finger up and my mouth was open, but then nothing came out. Because as I was about to respond, I just looked at her, and then I [00:12:00] realized that whatever I was going to say was just a lame excuse. And the fact was I wasn't doing the things I was going to say.

I just been talking. She was absolutely right. And so at that moment, I told her, You're right. I'm gonna do it. That's it. That's all I responded. I stood up. I remember it was like 8 something, almost 9pm at night. It was dark outside for sure. I stood up and I walked out of the room. And the moment I walked out of that room, I started working, really working.

I let go of the idea of, I don't want to live on my calendar. , I don't want to have all these meetings. I don't want to be able to, , feel bogged down, have to wake up early, have to show up, have to manage, have to make so much content and et cetera. I let go of all of those things that I didn't want.

I let go of [00:13:00] thinking about myself. And instead I just focused on one thing. What is it that is needed? To be done. What do I need to do? And that was almost two years ago. And I've never stopped. Since then, my focus is very clear. What do I need to do? Not, what do I want? What do I feel like doing? What would I prefer?

And so, my drive has been that. I stopped focusing on what I liked. And I stopped focusing on myself so much. And then I just focused on what was needed to be done. For what reason? Support the family. Because it was needed. And I don't even focus so much on the family anymore. It's just what needs to be done.

And because of that, we were able to build very quickly and we continue to, to build like a rocket ship 

Stephen: and 

Mike: [00:14:00] things are just constantly evolving and changing and it's been two years. It hasn't slowed down. We went from three people, which is me, my wife, Natalia, and one other team member, to now over 20 something people in just two years, no investment, no funding, no, nothing, just, just work, work and work and hire one person at a time to help out with things and keep working.

And it's just been like that. Now let's come back to our subject about self improvement from that. My skill sets have improved beyond my belief. All of the years I've been in entrepreneurship, all the years of, of teaching and training and all this stuff, nothing compared to the last two years of growth, my improvement in my skill sets, my improvement, to be able to show up, to handle obstacles, to take on challenges went through the roof.

I've never been able to take on challenges like I do right [00:15:00] now. There's no hesitation. I just do it. And worst case is I fail, then I get up and I do it again. There's no hesitation. There's no fear. I'm not sitting there trying to avoid it. I just do it. It's not perfect, but it doesn't matter. Doubts and the lack of self beliefs, all that stuff gone.

So therefore, when people talk about, I want to improve, I want to improve, I want to prove why, well, they'll say the same reason because I want to build this. I want to create that, but that's the thing they don't realize that the, I want to improve part is actually holding them back because it's getting them to focus on themselves.

And they focus on the lack within themselves and therefore they'll constantly be in doubt, be in lack of confidence, lack of self belief, and therefore perfectionism comes through. Because I threw that out the window so that I can show up for my family, I was [00:16:00] able to improve more than I can ever imagine.

And this is not read from books, I didn't learn this anywhere. This is real life. This has been the last two years. I've always improved over time, but not at this speed, and not at this level. So this is why once I realized this, and it took me, by the way, it took me about six months to realize what was happening.

Until then, I just kept focused on what I need to do. And then six months in, I remember taking a step back and going, Holy crap, I have done a lot in the last six months, something's changed, what, what's going on? How can I handle all of these things at once? I was handling a lot. This is including my sister's passing as well.

All of that in the midst of building as well and training and showing up to everybody and taking care of my wife and son doing all of this stuff. There is no, I need a break. There is no mental breakdown. There's just focus and getting things done. And I [00:17:00] remember taking a step going, something, happened.

This is not me. This is not how I usually am. You know, I'm about to turn 40. I was like 39. Yeah, I forgot what the 39, 38 and a half like this is not how I am. And I had to take a step back and go, what happened? And I realized. that I stopped focusing on myself. I stopped thinking I needed to be better.

Needed to improve. Because up until then, I was thinking I want to improve more. I want to become more relaxed. I want to become more peaceful. I want to become more confident. I want to become more present. And what did I get? None of those. Not at the level of now. And the thing is, I'm a person that has been studying self improvement for a long time.

And I spent the past eight years primarily doing just that and nothing else. That was my life. That was my work. I didn't have a real job or business or anything else. It was just on that. And [00:18:00] yet. I still couldn't find it. And so when I think about people that are reaching out to me, people that are interested in improving their life and changing their things, they're not spending 15, 17 hours a day focused on improving self they've got at most, maybe a few hours a day.

So what are the chances of them finding this out that their drive and desire to improve themselves is actually the direct thing that's holding them back in their life? What's the chances of finding that out? Because I don't hear people talking about it very often. So I realized this is something that most people probably have no idea on.

Just like me, literally until about two years ago. So that's why it's such an important topic, even though. It creates confusion and people will probably just get a little upset because the idea of not improving themselves just makes them feel even more lack. 

Stephen: Where do you feel people get the most [00:19:00] confused around this?

Mike: The idea of if I don't want to improve, how do I improve? That's the first one. And the answer to that is really simple. We improve not by wanting, we improve from taking action. So if you want to improve, that doesn't do anything, only when you take action. Then the next question comes up, which is, what is my drive to go ahead and take action if I don't want to improve?

And then I'll ask him, well, so you're saying that all your drive is just for yourself, right? You went from being that self centered, right? Don't you care about other people? And Don't you care about your family? Don't you care about the world? Don't you care about society? Don't you care about this planet?

Find something else that you care about. Focus on that. Focus on those people. Focus on that cause. Focus on that why, and just know that you will improve by default, but you don't need to focus on your gains, your improvement gains. You don't need to focus on it. It's going to happen automatically. It's like a person who focuses on making money, making [00:20:00] money, making money, and a person who focuses on helping people, helping people, helping people.

The person that focuses on helping people make money, but a person who only focuses on making money is going to constantly feel lack because they're saying I'm in lack. I don't, I don't have money. Even if they make more money, they still feel I don't have money. That's why I keep focusing on it. But somebody who focuses on helping people, they automatically make money because it's an energetic exchange, but because helping people has nothing to do with themselves.

So therefore they're able to continue this and actually gain from it instead of coming from a place of lack. And that's the thing. People's drivers are fear and lack, and that is itself stopping them from doing what they want. 

Stephen: Or at least stopping them from their true potential. What is actually possible.[00:21:00] 

Mike: It's a big resistance wall because then they have to work so hard. They have to work so much harder because they're stopping themselves. Because every time when they're thinking, I'm going to do this, there's a voice inside of them that goes, I'm not good enough. So what happens when a person goes, I want to do this, but believes that they're not good enough, that they need to be a little bit more, learn a little bit more, this is going to get them caught up in wanting to study more, wanting to research more.

Right. Wanting to learn more so that they can feel ready. So what happens? A person doesn't start, right? They get stuck in the research phase, study phase, gathering information phase, planning phase, but they don't actually move forward. And then when they move forward and they run into another obstacle, they're stuck the same thing again.

I need to learn more. All of this is because. They think that they are not enough. They don't know enough. They don't have enough skill sets. They're not good enough. They're [00:22:00] not smart enough. They're not experienced enough. You see the common thread there. They're not enough. So you see, so this, this loop, they can't get out of it because when are we going to run into challenges when we're moving forward in our life?

I would say pretty much every step of the way, unless you're doing something that is really easy, that doesn't move you towards something new. Most people want new things. They don't want the same thing you bought a car. You want to get the same car next time? No. Right. You want a better car.

You want a bigger car. You want a nicer car, right? You wouldn't get the exact same thing. You know, it's not very interesting. There's no point. So people always want more. They want to build a bigger dream. They want to do that next thing, which means they're always going to run into challenges. And if they have this approach of constantly thinking like they're not enough, then they're going to constantly run into this resistance.

And because this is not a conscious thing, [00:23:00] they're not thinking in their mind consciously, I'm not enough. I'm not enough, but this is the way that they view themselves. And this is the way that they make their decisions. And this is why so much lack of motivation, procrastination, self sabotage exists. And the I'm a perfectionism, therefore I like to be perfect, therefore I lack taking enough action.

The fear of judgment, fear of doing a crappy job. All of this is supporting what we're talking about. And this is what most people are running into. 

Stephen: Mm hmm. Poof! It goes quite deep. And even when you speak about it right now, I can notice some aspects within myself as well. 

Mike: You know, I think the change is just realizing this is happening and then just pointing the dial at a different motivation.

Stop focusing so much on ourself and let's go ahead and focus on, okay, A, what do I need to do? Number [00:24:00] one, what are the other effects that can happen? When I am doing this action that is helping me improve, right? What are the other effects that are gonna happen? And then let's say someone goes, well, I'm gonna have more mental clarity.

And then what are you gonna do with mental clarity? Uh, I'm gonna show up more for work. Okay, now what do you need to do at work? I need to accomplish this thing. And what do you gain when you accomplish this thing? More money, more resource, more opportunity, more this. Okay. Who are you helping? Right. Try to take the focus out away from ourself and towards the people that we're serving.

And eventually when we fixate on, okay, this is the person that we're serving. This is the group. This is the cause. This is the benefits. Then when we focus on that, then we can go, okay. Now, whether this is, um, customers, whether this is our family, whether this is your child or your spouse or your mother, right, your mother is sick and then you don't have any money.

So you got to work really hard. Okay. So are you working hard so you can be rich? No, [00:25:00] you're working hard. So this way you can take care of your mother. Right? So then what do we do? We work hard. We work hard. See, even that is the same idea. So we've got to practice doing that. And therefore by default, we improve.

If we do it this way. We're able to get things done at a level we never thought was possible because we take the attention away from ourself and we place it in People and situations and things outside of ourself. Hmm, and therefore self improvement comes naturally. 

Stephen: Hmm Awesome. Well, thank you guys once again for listening to another episode of body over mind We will catch you on the next episode