051: How To Stay Centered Through Any Challenge

This episode explores strategies for managing stress and maintaining emotional composure during challenging situations. Stephen and Mike discuss different stages of emotional control, emphasizing the importance of not only outward calmness but also internal peace. They highlight the practice of using physical movement and breathing exercises to release stress and maintain clarity in handling stressful situations effectively. The conversation underscores the significance of developing habits that support emotional regulation, enabling individuals to navigate difficulties with a centered mindset.

Connect with Mike Chang:
- Instagram: @mikechangofficial
-Youtube: Mike Chang
- Website: www.flow60.com

Connect with Stephen Yeh:
-Instagram: @iamstephenyeh
-Twitter: @iamstephenyeh

Transcript

Stephen: [00:00:00] So right now I am dealing with a challenging situation with multiple different personalities and doing my best to manage it. Essentially, I'm in the process of selling a house right now that, should go through in the next week or so to put that on the market. And so it's like towards the ends of putting all of this together.

And so there's kind of a crunch time involved. And so it can be challenging as well, because , I'm out here in Bali, but the house is in California. And so number one, the time zone issue and number two, just making sure that things are managed correctly so that people can get into the house and things like this, but it's, a very interesting process because as I've been going through this.

It's not just the task at hand, but also in some [00:01:00] ways, managing other people's emotions and their communication style. Because as I've been talking to different groups, I can see that the real estate agent doesn't really want to talk with the contractor that's working on the house right now. And so they're kind of avoiding conversations and then having to navigate through this while just having a certain window of time to work on it because of time zones.

It's an interesting process. And also just to be able to, I would say it's not super stressful, but there is quite a bit to juggle with. I think in the past, it would have been a lot more stressful, but I think just experience and also just seeing how you operate and over time, I feel like it's. What you say quite often, which is like, okay, what's the actual tasks just need to be done [00:02:00] right here, right now.

And so I could feel a little bit stress, but it's not, terrible, but there are quite a bit of different moving pieces and making sure, because we still got a good amount to get done, before. Listing it in less than a week, you know, we still have to have the gardener come and do all that.

We, we have the power cleaner to come and clean out the floors. We've got to regrout the tiles. We have inspectors coming, got to change out the doors. So a good amount of stuff before you even. You know, taking the pictures and, staging it. So it's a good amount of work to do in a small amount of time, but I think in the midst of it is just making sure that the people who are working on it, they do their work without allowing too much of the motions to affect what they need to get [00:03:00] done.

And make sure that everybody's on the same page. 

Mike: So that's the thing, right? You and I, we discuss this topic all the time. So I think we're a lot more conscious of these things. You know, the contractors are really the realtors. Yeah. , they may not have the same interests.

So, the question is like, what do you do? It's one thing when everybody's, you know, Everybody agrees that we should talk calmly. We should, , communicate. We should respect one another, you know, the things like that. And it's another, when people have their own ways of doing things and, they don't understand concepts like the feelings of their own responsibilities.

They're just throwing it at people all the time. How, are, you managing all that right now? 

Stephen: Well, it's interesting. Cause I mean, number one is I get a chat with them through phone calls and just making sure that's very clear. 

Mike: Well, particularly like , let's say emotionally wise, how are you managing all of [00:04:00] that?

Like , how are you not getting frustrated and upset? Because sounds like a lot of moving parts, small timeframe, could be a lot of pressure. So how are you emotionally managing all that? 

Stephen: I think it's shifted a bit, you know, I might have, cause I remember in the past, if, there's something like this would happen, I would get frustrated or things like that.

And then I'd find ways to like, do some type of meditation, do some type of breathing to, allow that tension to pass, , but as I'm reflecting it now, because I was spending the last couple of hours managing and making sure that everything is okay. I feel that my system is still pretty solid. And.

It's coming from a space of understanding that everybody has their own troubles and stress and ways of communication, and it's not going to be perfect. They're doing the best [00:05:00] that they can. And then, so essentially there's nothing me stressing about it doesn't help the situation. Right. And so, what's going to happen if I stress, what, how is that going to benefit?

Right. And so it's, in my perspective, it's much more like, okay, we have this deadline and we have these things to do, do we have the timeframe and are people on the same page to be able to get it done within this timeframe? And then, so just making sure that those pieces are put together as best as possible.

Mike: You know, I've heard somebody, um, people even tell me before that when they're a little stressed, They actually, people feel like they care, , like they care about what's going on versus if they were to feel, if they were to act very nonchalant, act like, Oh yeah, everything is good. I don't care that you're late.

I don't care that things are, you know, that type of [00:06:00] attitude that people will not care as well. 

Stephen: What 

Mike: do you, what do you think about that? I mean, are you like, are you talking to them? Like everything's fine. Or are you saying you got to get things done and yeah. Like, are you able to make sure things get done, but at the same time, not, stress at them because they may think everything is fine.

Stephen: Got it. I mean, essentially I think they're quite a bit more stressed than I am, uh, just listening to the tone, but essentially, I don't think I come from a point of view like, ah, everything's kind of just going to flow and work out. But essentially it's, it's more so coming from like, Hey, okay.

So we still need to power wash the floors. Who can take care of that? Cause we need to get that done before the cleaners come. And before we start to take pictures, okay. And that's when this is going to happen. So can we get someone in tomorrow or the next day? Right. And then, so there, in some ways there is an [00:07:00] urgency involved, but it's like.

It's, it's not coming from a place of like, you know, we still got all this shit to get done and okay, we got to get this done now. And,, we got to make sure, right. So I think there is, I feel like we're, we're 

Mike: communicating clearly, communicating very clear, direct, but calm and direct, right.

Instead of complaining or creating drama. 

Stephen: Yeah, yeah. And then essentially with this dynamic right now, because there is a bit of tension between the people who are coming. It's also just a, just doing my best to mitigate miscommunications or things like that, like even, even in the, in the group texts, I was seeing the, the agent was talking about, Hey, so, so would you be able to, to buy and get reimbursed of changing a door lock?

And then there was a miscommunication happened where the contractor was like, [00:08:00] what? You don't think I can change a door lock.

And so I had to just step in, just make sure, nothing blows over and they fully try and, and avoid each other and things like that. And just clear things up as they come up, you know, so 

Mike: it's like everyone's walking on. I wouldn't eggshells is like the right term, but it's more like, yeah, just people are on the edge.

Stephen: Yeah, 

Mike: yeah, one little thing and 

Stephen: yeah, I mean, I, I think this particular skill that, you've developed and more and more, I can see that I can say. Much more just centered throughout any challenges, it's such, I don't even know if you call it a tool, but just a, like a way of being in a way of living because it eliminates so much of [00:09:00] using energy wastefully.

Mike: Yeah. I believe it's the, it's the most important thing. People think it's skillset and experience and all these things, but behind, behind all of that, there's the ability to, to be in control of ourself, to be able to be our own master and to control ourself. It's not much of having to really control.

It's being in such a state that we're not constantly being triggered. I think when people are controlling themselves, it's like, I'm being triggered, but I'm going to control my expression so this way I don't. Act out, but inside I'm upset inside. I'm bothered and it's not that because that means we're still restricting ourself, it actually getting to a state to where we legitimately just aren't triggered, we're able to stay more calm and centered in situations like [00:10:00] this.

So, yeah, it's sometimes people look at it and they may not pay attention to the other parts of life and they're just thinking, I want to develop myself so I can have a better relationship or so I can go after what I really want, but it's just used in everything in life, every single challenge, every single situation, especially the more difficult ones.

Stephen: You made a good point as well when you're saying that, , some people think controlling is not outwardly showing it, but inwardly you can feel that tension inside and it reminds me, I'm just looking at it in terms of like a, almost like a quadrant and , the first one essentially is like, you're super stressed and you show it outwardly as well.

Right. And essentially that's kind of the worst. And then the second one is, okay, you're still stressed inside, but you don't really show it out really. You try to keep calm on the outside and then, well, I guess [00:11:00] one is missing, but, but then essentially , the last one, I guess you can call it the trifecta then the last one essentially is you're both calm inside.

And you're also speaking calmly and, just still focused wise outside during these challenging situations, and I think it's essentially the most effective way to operate because I can tell that my mind is still quite clear in terms of. What needs to get done. while. I can see that if you're starting to get stuck in too much emotions, like, oh man, man, that, that, that, that guy doesn't know what he's doing.

You know, I told him we got to do this and not now you're starting to get stuck into that story. And then what actually needs to get done is not really talked about and not really, addressed. 

Mike: Yeah. You mentioned, [00:12:00] before you used to do practices, used to breathe and move to get rid of it. And now it's easier to maintain it.

Stephen: Yeah. Yeah. And I guess that's a difference in the stages, right? Because. I guess I was still in the second stage where I tried outwardly to keep things good, but inwardly, I still felt all this tension. And so I had to do the breathing exercises to release the stress inside as well. 

Mike: Yeah. So it's just like the stage.

I think people need to go to the stage, go through the stage. They have to invest the time. The amount of time that you spent on this amounts of time I spent in, in these things while we're in it, it seems like it's forever, because it's not just, months you know, it's years, but it's like, , how long do you expect to be around if you're going to be around for another three decades, four decades, five decades, maybe longer for some people, why [00:13:00] not invest the time, you know, there's so many situations that can be handled differently.

And I think the first step is when we are triggered, when we're feeling really overwhelmed, we got to let it go in our body. We got to go and breathe, stretch, move a person may not be able to maintain feeling peaceful for very long, but they always have the option of getting rid of it on the spot, or at least decreasing it.

And that's so simple to do, people think it's really complicated it's so simple. Yeah. If they were to just do any movement, it doesn't even matter. They were to do any movement, they will start to move the energy. But in order to do that, it's just building a habit because if they don't do that, that they don't have a habit, then they can't do it when the time comes.

So, everybody that's been successful at this have established a habit of movement. So then now when I'm stressed, then we go do my movement. And they gotta make sure that movement is [00:14:00] available for them anytime. Because they never know when the emotions are gonna come up and they need to release it.

So if they're saying, well, you know, swimming is my thing. Well, but you may not have access to a pool. If, uh, someone goes running is my thing. Well, technically you can just kind of run anywhere, but can you imagine someone's like, Ooh, I'm feeling a little tough. I'm going to go for a run and actually a reality.

That's fine. Right. And I've, I've actually known some people like that, they'd literally run it off, but even that took habit. You know, it wasn't a person that never ran and suddenly they decided to run. It was a habit that was established and so important that we understand that.

We have a choice that when we feel bad, we can get rid of that feeling. We can come into being more centered and calm and then handle situations like this, but it's so tricky because during that time that a person's in this situation, they may not remember [00:15:00] or realize that if they were to just go and move their energy, they can clear it and they can feel normal again.

And when they feel normal, they will see the situation very, very differently. That's the third step of releasing emotions. You know, don't believe your thoughts because you're emotionally triggered. And so important, but it's so tough because a person's got to not believe what they are thinking, what they are saying in their mind, their perspective of the situation.

They have to not believe it. And it's one thing when we don't believe it, because, but we're not in it. We're just kind of the outside. It's another one. We're in it. How have you dealt with that challenge? 

Stephen: I mean, the, the times I remember now, I think the last time was most likely around my situation with my brother.

And I got quite triggered around that. And what [00:16:00] I've found is during these times. I mean, it's a, it's almost like golden rule. And it's like, don't make any big decisions. If, if you're feeling angry or sad or, or quite emotional, because just like what you said, when you're in those States, your, your, your thoughts are cluttered and they're, backing up all the emotions that you're feeling.

And so what I have consciously decided to do, I don't know when I started, but what I consciously decided to do was essentially to always do my best when I get really triggered to clear my emotions first before making any decision or even locking in any type of perception. And when I say locking in any type of perception, what I mean is that sometimes Someone close to me was like, [00:17:00] you know, he's trying to blame this other person and, and because it's her fault.

Everything is her fault. And because of that, Oh, You know what? She did these type of things , and everything is because of her. Right. And then, so that's a perception that he has. And it's kind of locked in pretty strong in that way. But if he was to step back and really see what's going on and start to shift the energy from inside, he might see that there's different perspectives.

You might see why she was doing certain things. You might see what he was doing. I 

Mike: mean, obviously this took time. This took time to, get from just believing your, your old thoughts and believing, things when you're triggered to where you're at now. Can you, can you walk us through the journey of that?

How was like when you used to believe everything to, to now, like, what were the milestones? You know, that you saw in your [00:18:00] 

Stephen: time at just like actual events, 

Mike: that's kind of one day you, you kept practicing and practicing. And one day you just realized. You saw it all differently when you're calm.

Yeah. How did it happen? Because I imagine a lot of people are making really, reactive, impulsive decisions that aren't good because they're in the moment. They're upset, they're bothered, they're afraid. So how do they go from that to kind of where you're at now to where you're not rash like that anymore.

I 

Stephen: mean, I don't think it's an easy path. I think it requires self reflection and, really just looking at what's actually going on. So I'll give you an example of a certain event that I would, I would say was a pretty big one, which is few years ago, I had a business I was selling. My brand in certain products on Amazon.

There's a competitor that did some shady things that got me kicked off and [00:19:00] And I still had this like crazy kind of Revenge side of me saying that hey, you don't fuck with me You're trying to fuck with me like this. Okay. I'm going to get you back. Right. And then, so I was like, for like one or two days, I started to think, Oh, I heard about the black market.

I'm going to go on a black market. I'm going to find a way to kidnap him. I'm going to go and find, not the, not Kama Sutra to learn about sexual arts, but I'm going to learn about the torturing arts and I'm going to go in and fucking do my thing. And then after a couple of days,

after a couple of days, I was like, holy shit, my mind is going crazy. Dark. And then I step back, step back. And I was like, okay, I really need to work on this because obviously it's not going a good way. So there was some type of awareness that happened. 

Mike: Let's tell me [00:20:00] about that. I mean, well, just actually go for it.

I mean, they're actually following through on it. So what made you realize that I shouldn't continue thinking and planning that all that stuff? 

Stephen: , I mean, I guess, and to me, it's like, , we all have different sides to ourselves and it'll come up throughout different times. And I think for, for that particular one.

It just got amplified and then all of a sudden, my more rational and my more conscious mind was saying, Hey, What's going on. Somehow it was able to like weave its way in to give me a message. And essentially that's kind of, there's a battle in the mind going on where, , if the dark side was strong enough, we're just saying, no, fuck that this guy deserves it.

And I'm gonna go in and do these things. And then now it's just a matter of the other brain kicking and finding its way. To speak some reason, you know, it reminds [00:21:00] me of that, that old Native American saying, which is like, Hey, you have two wolves inside. One is light and one is dark, which one.

Becomes the most powerful one, you know, essentially say it's the one that you feed. And so I, I had to make the conscious decision to choose which route I was going to go. And I chose to not go the crazy route.

Mike: Were you doing practices this time? Were you meditating? Were you doing, uh, 

Stephen: I, I did some meditation like in the past. And then this was a time where I was working like crazy. And so I wasn't really focused on any meditation or anything like that. And so, it was, it was mainly just work. , and then this was around the time where I was like, okay, I need to figure out a [00:22:00] way to be able to see what's actually going on here.

And prevent this from happening in the future as well. 

Mike: Yeah, fact that you were able to catch it, but you weren't, doing that much practice. If a person is not doing practice, if they aren't, doing contemplation work, it's tough to catch these things sometimes.

And there's so many people out there that would have carried through with some type of, you know, revenge plan. And, and there goes, there goes weeks and months of their life. Who knows for some, these ripple effects would cost them years. I think people, sometimes they don't connect the dots to the ripple effects of, how much they can lift up their life or how much they can bring down their life.

With how they react with their emotions and their feelings. They have this [00:23:00] idea that they're human and they're supposed to have all of these emotions. That's just how it is. You know, I was watching this video and it's a, Tony Robbins event and. You see these little clips and glimpses, they're talking about emotions and from the video, the video made it sound like that emotion is a good thing and use your emotions to get things done and use your emotions to use your emotion.

And I'm listening to it and I'm like, this is why people are caught up in the, in the cycles. They constantly believe that. Emotions it's like their power to go get things done, that they gotta be so emotional about everything to get things done. And emotions is like a pendulum.

It's like you swing it, and it's always gonna swing back, and you can't, ever get out of that swing because it always swings from one end to another. So in other [00:24:00] words, There's always a cost to being emotional to get things done. But people don't know that, and they just believe that's just how it is.

And then they get emotional, and they feel good at the moment, and then later on they're emotional again, and they feel so upset. And their choices are constantly fluctuating because when their emotions are low, their choices are different than when their emotions are high. So it's hard to stay consistent, it's hard to go and stay focused.

The big overarching message that people need to understand is we are human beings and we have emotions, but don't run your life through emotions. We have them, but don't let it be your driver. Don't let it be your constant energy source because your emotions will end up controlling your mind. And then our decisions are not the best.

We make poor decisions [00:25:00] when we are emotional, high emotions or low emotions. You know, I was watching Dune part two the other day. Remember we were chatting about that. Do you ever notice the look in the characters, the way they look? You ever noticed their eyes? You ever noticed their facial expressions?

Of course, there's different types of movies, but the movies that I really enjoy watching, I realized now it came to me just the other day. It's not just action movies or sci fi movies, it's not that. I enjoy watching characters as they showcase a certain state of mind, a certain state of being.

That's what I enjoy. That's what I really enjoy watching. And when I'm watching this character in Dune, [00:26:00] how he was pretty centered for the most part, but once he became awakened and drank the elixir and now he's able to see, now you see his inner full blown. You see the confidence, you see the focus in his eyes and his facial expression and the way he shows up has no doubt that was what I was really looking for to see that showcase and how does a person in that state of mind, state of being choose because not just the choices, it's the state of being that allows them to make the choices.

So first they have to be in this state and then they make the choices and really enjoy watching that, but not all movies have it. Some, even if they are the hero saving the day type of thing, but their demeanor is very different. , they're emotional and then just kind of so happen.

They, they, you know, [00:27:00] make things work out while you have some that are just centered and they're like focused. And like, I'm, we're getting it done, no matter what it's happening. There's no doubt in their mind. I think if people have more examples of this, it helps them be able to see what is possible. And they see beyond just that this is a movie character, but that this is real life.

This is how a person can be. And whether this character in a movie is making these type of decisions, you can still make the same type of decisions in the same way. There's a certain perspective. The character Paul in the movie he was not looking at what he wanted. He wasn't looking at what he preferred.

Throughout the movie, especially around the mid to the end, if you listen to his decisions, his decisions was, well, especially at the end, right? It was based on what he knew was the right thing to do, the right [00:28:00] thing for the people, for his people, for all the people, not his own interests. But he had to be in that state to be able to come to that realization.

Until then, he constantly was acting based on what he wanted. And he was acting based on what he was afraid of. You see these images in his mind, and he was constantly afraid and afraid. And so while everything was, people were telling him, go that direction, go south. No, no, if I go south, these bad things are going to happen.

I seen the visions. He's afraid. Until finally, there was no choice. It was the most obvious thing and he had to go south. And then when he did, and then he had the experience, woke up. And then from there, there was no more conflict. It was very clear what he needed to do. And even when his, lady friend was upset at him, right.

And it walked off on him and all this stuff, but you see, he didn't react. He didn't go and get upset. [00:29:00] He understood there was like this level of acceptance again, like, you know, people think these are like movies, you know, like they're not real, but what is real is the state of mind, the state of being, and whether it is something like that, an epic type of scenario movie, Or something as practical as like what you're doing, you know, getting this house ready and selling it.

And you got these people having drama and arguing and you're just very clear, this is what needs to happen, please get it done, what do we need to do next? You know, just getting things done and having that level of clarity. And that's another thing on that subject, you know, people copy what they see. And so people need to be very aware of what it is that they're seeing.

If people are watching shows, characters, movies, and they're watching people, they don't realize that they're going to copy the way this person thinks, [00:30:00] acts, and feels. Whether or not they're making a decision or not, they don't have to go, I'm going to copy this person. The fact that they're viewing this content, they are already copying it.

But this is happening on such a deep level that people don't realize it. But when they look at the way they act, they look at the way they think, they will find that it's very similar to the content that they are putting in. They gotta be careful with their mind. They gotta be careful what they bring their attention to. If you're gonna put in content inside of your mind, you know, inside of your energy, then put in good stuff. If not, just don't put anything in. That would actually be better only put in what's good for you and not just don't put in anything and find other ways to entertain yourself.

Stephen: There we go. I got one question for you. What do you think is the process of, let's say someone's going through a stressful situation [00:31:00] and they have learned to use like breathing exercises or running or whatever it is to release the tension. So they got that down. What do you think people need to do in order to get to the next stage?

Or they're just not so triggered at all, even when there's a challenging situation. 

Mike: Well, so on the level of the body, that's what they do. They move their energy. They learn how to relax, they stretch, they breathe. They do all that stuff. So now their body is feeling better. Their energy is more clear on the level of mind.

They need to step one, go from negative thinking to positive thinking. Some people are very, very negative, constant complaining, blaming, and just beating themselves up. They got to go from that to positive thinking, positive thinking, right? I got this. I can do this. You know, everything is fine. Positive affirmations type of thing.

This is [00:32:00] good. And in this stage, then the next thing they do, once they have the positive thinking down, is they practice not thinking. Not thinking means their mind is silent. They practice meditating. They practice not thinking, only thinking when it's necessary. So if it's not necessary, don't think. Be present, follow your breath, follow your feeling, pay attention to what's in front of you.

Stop letting your mind just wander off. The next stage after that is to do the same, but on the lower mind. Because once we stop thinking on the top mind, on level one thoughts, we observe the next mind. Intuition, knowingness are our level two thoughts. And then we do the same thing there. We practice shutting that down.

And then when we are able to shut these things down, now, a person is not constantly running this program of blame and [00:33:00] complain and fear. They're not running the program of, like what you're mentioning, I'm gonna get back at this person, revenge. All of that is just a program. All of that is just a way of thinking that a person is used to doing.

And they run it automatically, without. Being conscious without understanding the effects of it. They just run it because they've always ran it. So now they don't just unconsciously run these things because to run them, you got to have your mind chatter. And the moment that we start to silence our mind, we literally are silencing the program that accompanied with.

Moving the energy in their body and feeling deeper into their body, they transform themselves. 

Stephen: Okay. 

Mike: Yeah, but they got to do it every day. No, no shortcuts there. If a person doesn't do it every day, they're not going to get very far. Because the programs have been running for too [00:34:00] long. 

They're going to imprint the program faster than they can remove it. It's like somebody go ahead and empty out this bathtub, but the bathtub water is still running. And then they're scooping out a cup of water and they're scooping out a cup of water every 10 seconds. But the bathtub is filling at six, seven cups every 10 seconds.

So it's not going to work. You got to remove faster than it's coming in. And that's why we have to practice every day. We've got to build a habit on that. So this way, the program that's constantly being imprinted, when we use it, we are deleting it or changing it faster than we can imprint it. It's like calories in and calories out, right?

I'm eating these foods so I need to burn more than what I'm eating so this way I can lose weight. So this way I can burn body fat. It's the same idea. But when it comes to personal transformation, same concept. Every day is needed. Because unlike eating, even if you aren't eating [00:35:00] all the time. But we're thinking all the time we're being, we're making choices every day.

So we need to be rewriting these programs every day, doing these practices every day. 

Stephen: All right. Thank you guys for listening in once again, if you want to dive deeper into these types of topics, feel free to go to flow 60. com. All right. See you guys on the next episode.