067: Clear Signs of Being Imbalanced

 The episode discusses the importance of emotional balance and self-awareness in parenting and personal growth. It explores how individuals react to stress and irritation, particularly in situations involving children, and the process of recognizing and addressing internal imbalances. The conversation touches on the difference between reactive behavior and intentional, conscious actions, suggesting that emotional reactions often stem from internal imbalance. The hosts also discuss how one can move from chaotic, unconscious reactions to a more peaceful, balanced state of being, where authentic self-expression naturally aligns with calmness and clarity. The discussion emphasizes the need for self-awareness, conscious change, and the challenge of breaking free from old, reactive habits to achieve lasting inner peace and harmonious interactions with others. 

Connect with Mike Chang:
- Instagram: @mikechangofficial
-Youtube: Mike Chang
- Website: www.flow60.com

Connect with Stephen Yeh:
-Instagram: @iamstephenyeh
-Twitter: @iamstephenyeh

Transcript

Stephen: [00:00:00] So I noticed there's some signs when my system is out of balance. One of the most recent ones is I noticed that I was quick to irritation with the kids. They would do something, they would get in a little fight, one of them would start crying, and then I would feel very agitated, annoyed, almost right away.

And then after a couple of days of that, I noticed, okay, this is, this something's going on because it's happening too frequently where I get really irritated and sometimes when I'm in that state, I would blame others. I'd like, Oh, these kids, they just keep getting into stuff and it makes me irritated and makes me mad and I would be very agitated with them.

When I start to become more conscious, I also start to realize, [00:01:00] okay, kids are being kids. But of course I am responsible for my own reactions and my own emotions. And then when I have those insights, then I really notice I'm, I am out of balance. And usually when that happens, I do a lot more meditation for a period of time.

And then during my sits, I would notice. That there's this uneasiness going on. And then as I sit through it, it's uneasy, uneasy, uneasy. And then it gets a little easier, a little easier until slowly, slowly starts to diminish. And then without needing to change my mindset or do anything, when this scenario happens again.

I'm still relaxed and then I respond in a very different way. Then I'm not yelling at them or I'm not like, why are you guys doing this again? But more so like, what's going on guys? And [00:02:00] then we figure it out. 

Mike: What would allow you to know that it was you and not the kid acting up more this time around?

Stephen: I think it's both, right?

It's 

both. Maybe if they act up a lot, then I'll start slowly getting more and more and more agitated, right? Or it's also, it could be when I am not centering myself enough 

Mike: So in other words, like what do you do To know that it's you, not them, because let's say in a scenario, you know, kids are very emotional and they are changing all the time.

And let's say they learn something new in school, something, some bad habit. And now they're doing something that's maybe out of the ordinary, or they have just this, they just learned something not good to do and then they did it. And it upsets you. How do you know that it was you and not them [00:03:00] doing something that they're not supposed to?

Stephen: When I'm in a more conscious state, it's always like, regardless of what they do, however I react, it always comes from inside of me, right? So it's no matter how they are, it's still my reaction. It's still me. Even if they're the ones that's pissing me off or making me angry, 

Mike: So you mentioned when you're in a conscious state, which will make sense.

But then I guess the question is like, how do we know that we need to move forward towards the decision of it's me, not you versus. Kids, , I've been too easy on you guys. We're going to set up some rules. , we're going to have a timeout. We're going to create some type of consequence , to teach you guys.

How do you know which one it would be? Cause you said it when I'm in a conscious state. Good question, but how do you know that you're in a conscious [00:04:00] state to then recognize which one it is? Is it you or is it them? 

Stephen: Got it. Got it. I think number one, the emotions that I feel it's all within that I have in some ways control over based on my state.

Number two, if they're doing something. And they did pick up a bad habit and they are messing around and creating more havoc. There is some necessary regulation that's needed. They do need to learn that some things they can do and some things they can't. But how I approach it. Will change, right?

So if I'm in an irritated state, I'd be like, why are you doing this? Like, this is ridiculous. Right. And I say, no, we're not doing it's going to be in a very. Very aggressive way of trying to teach them. Whereas when I'm more [00:05:00] in balance, I can approach it and be like, Hey, okay, I see that you're doing this and it may be funny for a little bit, but at the same time, it's bothering other people.

It's not nice to other people. So because of that, it's not a good thing to do. It's a different way of teaching or, sharing with them. 

Mike: Would it be correct to say then that you should never be reacting in that aggressive way and that if you did, you were imbalanced, 

Stephen: I would say it's funny. Cause what I'm thinking about, I'm like.

Maybe not never. And the reason why I say maybe not never is because I think when you're really balanced, essentially this is my take on it. My take is when you're balanced, you have the time and space to see how to approach it, and then you approach it that way with whatever best approach that would be.

Meaning that sometimes it's better to approach it [00:06:00] in a relaxed, calm way. But then even in a very. conscious state, it might actually be better in some scenarios to use more of the aggressive state, but not as a reaction for more towards, like, this is the best tool to use in this moment for this kid or for this person.

I'm thinking of just all the different masters through the past. You'll see that they all have in some ways, different styles. To try and get through to the people. Some are very calm and for them, they just stay calm and they teach in that way. You know, let's say like Eckhart Tolle, someone like that.

He's just always in the very certain States. And then you would hear of other stories. I forget the names. They're more of like the, I'm gonna poke you and poke you and poke you until you [00:07:00] realize, and that's their method, right? And they're doing it in a very deliberate way to try and get people to wake up.

Right. So I think there's so many different modalities. So I don't think there's really a right or wrong, but more so what's the best approach in this particular situation. But in general, I know for sure, I'm not in balance where it's just a reaction and it's like, wrong, it comes out of me. And I, it's almost like I don't have the time and space to even choose a different option.

It just comes out. 

Mike: You're not able to, You don't follow the intention of I'm going to use this. This is the best methods for, this is the best approach for this situation. Yeah. It just goes into this unconscious reaction. Yeah. So I think it's more of like personalities. I think everybody has a different style of teaching, a different style of communicating.

Hmm. But I agree with you. Based on somebody's style, they, they're intentional. [00:08:00] I'm going to do this because this is going to teach this child is this is best for this situation. Like there's a very clear intention. This person still is in control versus this reaction. But then as I'm saying this, if we dive in deeper to be conscious, of what we're doing, it's still to control what we do, which means There's still a filtering, there's still us.

Filtering what we are saying, doing, choosing versus a natural expression, a natural expression that does not need a filter. Like, let's say if I'm upset, I may filter it through. What's my intention right now, at this moment, I want to appear to be fine. I want to appear to be this and that I want to [00:09:00] sound this way.

That's fine. But that's also not an authentic expression. 

Stephen: No. I mean, there's a disconnect because you're still irritated inside, but you're trying to appear like you're not right. 

Mike: And then the other train of thought here is. Well, if a person is upset, then they will just express that they're upset. If they're fine, they'll just express it.

There's not a filtering of expression, right? Which we would say is, is authentic expression. It's just the person being themselves. Now, if we were to say, well, Let's say this person is always yelling at everybody and they're just being authentic. They're just pissed off. Then in this scenario, it probably would be best that they become conscious of what they're doing, filter that stuff out and not create so much problems.

So they aren't in a state to, to be able to create a high quality of life. They're just being authentic because if they are, they're just creating a lot of issues. [00:10:00] But let's say another person that is really balanced on the inside, they can express whatever is natural at the moment without having to become conscious of their expression and their expression will always be the best in their opinion, even though there's not really their opinion of it, because they're not even conscious of it, but still, if they were to look back, they would still always be balanced.

The side that, that was the best expression at that moment. So therefore there's, there really wouldn't be needing any, 

Stephen: any thought process around it. It just comes out naturally.

Mike: No thought, no filtering process. It would still actually just be a reaction. It would be a reaction. Yes. Right. Because there's no filtering.

So then in other words, like, let's say , something happens and get upset. I'm authentically expressing, but then, and then versus something happens. And then I do [00:11:00] another expression. I just, I'm calm when we were talking about imbalance. I, I, I totally agree. Let's say we, we always want to authentically just express ourselves because we don't want to be in this place where we're always having to filter what we say, how we act.

It's just, we're always pretending. But then the way that we can tell we're in balance is that this natural expression Is anger, frustration, stress, and we know it because we see it and because we're not stopping ourselves all the time so we can see that expression. Let's say I'm about to just naturally express anger.

But in the moment that I'm expressing it, and I realize I'm yelling, I realize I'm aggressive, I become conscious of it, and then I become nicer. At this moment, I'm not authentically expressing it anymore, and I'm purposely becoming conscious. [00:12:00] Purposely filtering what I'm doing because I don't want to throw this anger around at other people.

But at this moment, I already realized I am imbalanced. There's something wrong inside of here. So therefore, in this case, no matter what's happening on the outside, no matter how crazy the kids are or whatever, Issues happening. If we express in some type of anger, some type of worry, some, it always shows an imbalance on the inside.

Stephen: I think here's the different stages, because let's say on the first stage, if you're in a lower kind of state and you're, very imbalanced, then you will express yourself a lot in whether it's angry or sadness or depression or any of these. And you can be authentic, just bawling out and getting angry, whatever it is, but at the [00:13:00] same time, like you said, it's just creating more problems for your own life, as well as the people around you, right?

And some people use that as saying. This is just me. That's who the fuck I am. You know, I don't need a change. I'm being real. I'm being authentic. But what's happening as well is in some ways they are kind of being real. They're fully expressing what's happening inside. But what's going on is the inside is full of shit and a huge mess.

And so they are expressing the chaos that is inside. The extreme version of this would be someone like the Joker. Yeah. So when you get to the next stage, in some ways it is kind of getting out of quote unquote authenticity in some ways, there, there's like a bridge because let's say you are still chaotic inside.[00:14:00] 

But you're trying to be a better person. You're trying to be nicer. You're trying to be more calm. So sometimes you'll, try to be nice, but then inside something happens inside, you're like, but you're trying to be nice. So there is that disconnect inside your or whatever going on, but then outside, you're trying to express nicely.

I would say maybe that's improving on the way up, but if you're stuck there, that's also not very cool because the inside is still messy, right? So that to get to the next level would be to go inside and to see where the chaos is, to start bringing things back into order. And then naturally, when you bring things back into order, you feel more harmony inside and you feel more at peace.

And then usually you will express [00:15:00] yourself more peacefully and . The authenticity comes back into balance.

Mike: So the first thing is that if a person is upset, they're in balance. But I want to emphasize that it's okay to have some imbalances because to not have imbalances to say, you know, you're totally perfect and nothing is wrong.

Everything is great. When in reality, nobody's at that perfection, so everybody's going to have some type of imbalance. If a person has a big imbalance, then the smallest issues will set them off. If their imbalances are small, they're going to have to experience some really big events to feel disturbed.

Regular stuff doesn't bother them. And then what you're saying about if a person is feeling the charge, but they don't want to express it out. Well, then becoming conscious of it and then holding back because they don't want to throw their [00:16:00] stuff around. So that's really necessary that's how all change happens, right?

We become conscious of what we do. We become conscious of the situations and we become conscious of how we act. And then from there, we decide that we're going to make certain changes because we want a certain outcome. And then we go through that process. And then after we go through this process of making changes, We established new habits, and then from there we move back into unconscious naturally expressing again.

If a person doesn't do that, then they are always in this limbo where they have these new habits, but there's still always this sense of something feeling off. Always a sense of something is wrong, even though technically nothing is wrong, but there's always this feeling. 

Mhm. 

And that's because When a person started this process, they became conscious of the things that they were thinking, they were [00:17:00] feeling, they were acting.

And as they became conscious of it, they needed to understand it even more. So they analyze it, they look at the ripple effects, they go back into their past and they do all these things. So they become more aware of themselves and their actions and their thoughts and their habits. And then when they got really, really good at doing that, if they didn't let it go, then they would continue to go ahead and analyze how they are acting, thinking, and feeling, which means they're constantly stopping their expression from naturally flowing out.

Even when they got down these new habits, when they got down this new way of thinking, this new way of acting, but they haven't let go of what they initially started off with, which is Analyze how they are. And the analyzation of how one's is stopping their expression. And so they never stopped that part.

And because they don't stop that part, they're always analyzing, which [00:18:00] means they're always looking for something that is wrong. And when somebody has this constant intention motive in the background that I'm going out, I'm looking to see what is wrong. There's always this feeling inside that something is off.

And when there's this feeling and we're looking, we will always find what we're looking for because what is right and what is wrong is purely opinion, our own judgment. Therefore, if we're looking for something as wrong, we'll always find a way to justify something being wrong. And that's the biggest thing that people get stuck in when they are really, really motivated about making change.

They can't get past this last thing.

Stephen: How do people get past it? 

Mike: They have to stop caring about making change. Mm hmm. They have to realize that at some point here, I've created these habits that I wanted. I've changed some of my thought processes and there is this positive change in my life. Mm 

hmm. 

But it's not perfect and I'm [00:19:00] okay with it. Now, the question becomes, well, how do I know when I should be okay with it? When is good, good enough? There's no right answer for this. Every person gets to decide. And I think this is when, if a person decides that it's not good enough, I just need to make a little bit more and then I think I'll be good.

Okay. 

Stephen: But that's very tricky though, because when you're saying this, I'm thinking, You need to think about it to know when it's going to get enough. 

Mike: The issue lies in the fact that people don't know that this is the last step to the changing process. I think that's the real issue. Because if they realize that this is the final thing you need to do, then there is this intention of, I'm going to let go and stop trying to change.

There is an intention of it. Maybe it's not right now. Maybe I'm just going to change a little [00:20:00] bit more. I'm going to work on this a little bit more, but there's this intention that if I want to finish this process, that's what I need to do without that understanding. That intention doesn't exist. Why would somebody want to stop improving?

It makes no sense to them 

and they don't do it. 

Stephen: There's something I might still be grasping myself. I mean, so far my kind of philosophy, let's just say philosophy would be something along the lines of being grateful for what you already have, what you possess, how your body is, how your mind is, how your life is.

But then also as almost like a quest in life. Whatever you really feel like you want to improve upon, go ahead and improve upon it, but don't feel like you're lacking it. Just go about it as if it's like an adventure, right? So you're still grateful and you're still enjoying where you're currently [00:21:00] at, but also like, Ooh, I want to go explore that.

Let's go. 

Mike: You can make it fun. You can look at other contributions. That comes with it, other effects, other benefits, it doesn't have to be driven through a state of lack. 

Stephen: Hmm. Okay. Okay. 

Mike: Yeah. So it can be anything else. Someone can go, if I, if I can continue to improve myself, I'm going to create a lot of benefits for these people.

Yeah. I'm going to lead the way for these people. I'm going to be a great example for them. It just needs to be outside of themselves. But then here's the thing, instead of saying, I need to focus on improving myself, improving ourself is just an idea. There's nothing we can actually, do the doing part is not, I'm going to improve myself because it doesn't do anything.

What are you going to do? Someone goes, I'm going to improve myself. Great. What are you going to do? Uh, I'm going to lose weight. Okay. So that means you're going to [00:22:00] go exercise. I'm going to improve myself. Great. What do you got to do? Uh, I'm going to go and learn this skill. Okay. you see? It's always something else other than the idea of improving ourself.

I'm going to improve myself. So what are you going to do? I'm going to build this organization. 

Stephen: Like self improvement is a huge movement nowadays. Right. Why do you think most people are trying to improve themselves? 

Mike: Because they don't feel like they're good enough. They have problems with their life and they know that they need to make the change in order to change those problems.

Invalid. They can't ever get to a place. Where they feel fully confident, they can't get to a place where they can just flow, naturally express, not until they recognize that they have to let go of changing themselves, the intent of changing themselves. And then what they do is they still do the same [00:23:00] actions.

I'm going to keep building this business. I'm going to keep developing this skill set, but not with the intent of me changing, because we are going to change all the time anyways, how can we not change we're getting older by the moment, you know, life experiences change us. It's going to change. So it's inevitable.

It's like saying, hair on my head is going to grow. Unless you've ever really got some issues with your hair growth, hair is going to grow no matter what. But imagine if someone's like, well, my intention is to grow my hair. Your hair is going to grow anyways. You know, my intention is for my cells to, it's like, it's an automatic thing, it's going to happen anyways.

So when it comes to our improvement or our change, it's going to happen anyways. We don't have to focus on that as a goal. 

Stephen: Let me ask you something. Do you feel like it's helpful that maybe in the beginning, like I'm just [00:24:00] thinking in stages, right? Cause I remember say for myself, when I was younger, I, I did feel a lot more lack and that was the drive that got me to initially do many, many things.

Right. I think there is a saying where it's like, if you have pain and you have pleasure, pain is like two times the driver of pleasure. Right. And so because of so much pain, because of feeling so much lack, it, it forces you and makes you do something to make a change. 

Mike: Right. 

Stephen: Right. So, so it could be rocket fuel initially to help people.

Get to a certain,

Mike: It's always needed in the beginning. It's just somebody has to let go 

Stephen: onto it. 

Mike: They have to let that go. Yeah. If they don't let it go, they don't ever get to a stage where they feel. Satisfied. And that's the thing, because people don't realize this, they don't do it.

Stephen: That's the hard part as well, especially for [00:25:00] people who have really succeeded from holding onto so much pain because they're thinking and they're feeling I got to this position because of all of this, right? So if I let it go, what's gonna happen to me? 

Mike: So They can gain everything by holding on to it except for inner peace.

Stephen: Hmm 

Mike: Except for a deep, authentic expression, like a real authentic expression. But here's the thing. If somebody doesn't, if they don't know what that feels like, then they don't know what they're missing out on and why would they change what they're currently doing, gained so much success in their life by improving themselves, pushing hard, showing up and just.

Never being satisfied and then they build so much in their life, they created so much, there wouldn't be a reason for them to let it go. So then they won't, but [00:26:00] inside they always wonder, what can I do to go ahead and get rid of this? Uncomfortable feeling, but they're not looking in the right place. They think, you know what, I just need to push harder.

Yeah. This uncomfortable feeling, you know what, yeah, that's this feeling of this is the dissatisfaction. That's going to drive me to keep going. And then, so they keep pushing and pushing and pushing. And that's fine when it comes to building life on the outside, building a business, becoming very successful, building a great body, all of these But deep inside, there is.

An emptiness that will never be filled and people will come to this realization because at some point when they have built enough things on the outside and they still have the emptiness, they're going to say, no, I need to change my way. There's gotta be something else. There's no point in building more of these things.

I built all of it already. Yeah. [00:27:00] I'm now convinced that it's something within. Not doing more on the outside. And then from there, they start to look within. And then as they start to look within at some point, they may stumble upon what we're talking about now. And they recognize that. This lack that they've been feeling is this constant being conscious of them not being enough, them always feeling like they're in a state of lack, that they're not good enough.

And then from there, they recognize that their whole life they have driven themselves to improve because of this drive, this reason of, I need to be more, which has created everything for them. But at this point in their life, it's not going to take them to the next stage.

Stephen: Mm mm. 

Mike: And they don't care about building more things 

Stephen: yeah, 

Mike: but you see, when a person cares about building a lot of stuff, they use that as fuel, but when a person realizes that nothing [00:28:00] more that's being, that they build, it's going to give them the satisfaction they're looking for, because they're looking for a deeper satisfaction, but see, most people won't even look for this deeper satisfaction unless they got it.

Other satisfactions are ready. It's like if a person is really, really hungry and they haven't eaten in days, it doesn't matter if it's bread or potato chips or a half eaten hamburger. I mean, they're just going to eat it. Right. Because so now this person has all the fine foods. Now they have, they're looking for something special because they got all the foundational stuff.

They got the high quality stuff, but if somebody doesn't have it, well, then they're satisfied with any, I think that's what it is as we start this journey as humans. We go from living with our parents and we need to make a name for ourselves. We need to go get successful. We need to go build things. We need to have confidence in ourselves.

So we're not looking for this deep satisfaction. We're just looking to prove ourselves that we can just [00:29:00] survive on our own. A lot of times it's just that in the beginning. Yeah. But then once we feel like we can survive on our own, then we're looking for significance. Now we're looking to go ahead and prove that we can make a difference.

And at some point when we've done all of these things, we're Then we realized, well, we don't care about those things anymore, because I have no doubt that I can survive on my own. I have no doubt that I can make significance. Right. I have no doubt that I can bring value to other people. Now, what am I seeking?

And then they seek for that deeper thing. They seek for this sense of inner peace and a sense of inner fulfillment, wholeness on the inside. But only when they get to that stage, do they Really seek that. There are people that don't go through this exact same process. They just see it. They, right in the beginning, they just weren't interested in all these other things.

And they were interested in this deeper state and this deeper gain, you know, accomplishment. That people around them don't really care about, there are people out there like that, generally people go through this process, but [00:30:00] there have been people out there that follow a different path, and I think it's just because that's their path in their life.

Stephen: Very few, but 

for sure it's out there.

Mike: It exists. Yeah. 

Not for me, I went through the normal path. 

Stephen: Yeah. So. With that said, I think it's very important for people to really take the time to essentially see where they're at in the stage, because we can talk about just really focusing on going within and finding inner peace, but there might be some people who are not really there yet.

They do need to go through certain stages and struggle and fight. To essentially improve themself and feel a sense of significance. Sometimes it's needed, you know,

Mike: I think it's very needed. I think because people are at different stages. So if somebody is not interested, [00:31:00] they shouldn't go for it because 

like a general rule of thumb, I realize is that people should go for what they want. And there are some people out there that are hungry to learn about inner peace and fulfillment and then go for it. And there are people out there that are hungry to go ahead and build a successful business. They should go for that.

So I think people should always go for what they want. 

Stephen: And then you'll eventually get whatever you're pursuing. And sometimes it's a huge blessing. And other times it's both a blessing and a curse. And then you'll figure it out along the way. 

Mike: I think it's always a blessing to go for what we want. Yeah.

Cause even if somebody goes for something and they aren't happy from it. 

Stephen: They learn from it 

Mike: and then, and if they want to go for it again, the same thing, then go for it at some point, they're going to learn anyways. So always go for what you want.

Stephen: And I think that's, that's part of like, let's say [00:32:00] the game of life.

Mike: All right. So coming back to imbalances, if a person is feeling triggered, if they're feeling emotional on the inside, the imbalances there, however, whether or not how far they decide they want to go within to develop themselves. Whether or not they want to go all the way to the end to where they let go of the idea of needing to be better or to change, that's really based on that person.

I think every single person can recognize that if I'm upset and I'm bothered, there's something that I can change to go ahead and get out of this state because it really just doesn't help me with anything. And I think that's just important to know. If I'm always upset, Then I need to go and filter that and not express it out to everybody.

But that's only a temporary solution because I'm just holding in all of this expression that wants to come out and I'm bottling it up and it just eats at me on the inside. But that's a [00:33:00] very, very big sign that there's an imbalance. And when there's imbalances, we didn't dive too much into it today, but we covered it a lot before.

But when there's imbalances, we need to go and take care of our health. We need to take care of our sleeping schedule. We need to go and make some changes. But I think recognizing that when we are emotional, that is a very clear sign of the imbalance. And from there, we need to go and do something. If not, it's just going to eat away at us.

Yeah. All right. Thanks for listening to another episode of MindBodyMastery and we will see you on the next episode.