#159 - Why We’re All Feeling Overwhelmed Right Now | Lily Silverton Author Of 'Prioritise This'.

What happens when life feels too overwhelming to keep up with?

Mindset and behavioural change speaker and author Lily Silverton joins Ben Sheppard on the RunThrough Podcast for a powerful conversation about stress, burnout, priorities, movement, and navigating modern life.

Lily shares her journey from the fashion and magazine industry into coaching and wellbeing, opening up about mental health, identity shifts, and the experiences that shaped her work. Together, Ben and Lily explore why so many of us feel constantly overwhelmed, how social media and modern working life affect our attention and wellbeing, and why prioritising the things that truly matter has never been more important.

They also discuss the connection between movement and mindset, the role running and yoga can play in mental health, and why the habits we often drop first are usually the ones that help keep us grounded.

The conversation also dives into Lily’s new book, 'Prioritise This', a practical guide for thriving in a world that won’t slow down.

Lily Silverton - https://www.instagram.com/lily_silverton/

Website & Link To Purchase 'Prioritise This' - https://www.lilysilverton.com/

Ben Sheppard - https://www.instagram.com/bensheppard93/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the Run Through Podcast. It is Ben Shepherd here. Let me ask you a question. What happens when life feels too overwhelming to keep up with? I think it's something we probably all feel from time to time. Well, today I'm joined by globally recognized speaker, writer, and self-development expert, Lily Silverton. Lily has spent years working at the intersection of mindset, behavioral change, and well-being. Before this, she worked in the fashion and magazine industry. Her path into the space was shaped by her own experiences with mental health, identity shifts, and a deep interest in how we navigate change. In this conversation, we talk about why so many of us feel consistently overwhelmed, how modern life and social media are affecting our attention and energy, and why it's becoming so hard to actually prioritize what matters most. We also get into the connection between movement and mindset, the role that running or yoga can play in how we feel day to day, and why the habits we often drop first are usually the ones that keep us most grounded. And of course, we touch on Lily's new book, Prioritize This, which I couldn't recommend enough, a practical guide for thriving in a world that doesn't slow down. She's brilliant. Lily Silverton is on the Run Through podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

We're living, I think, in a poverty of attention. We are collectively and individually overwhelmed. If you're in a situation that you don't like, you can either change the situation or you can change your own mindset and behaviours around it. We went out onto the street and asked people about their priorities, and quite a few people had said they'd never thought about it before. When we get overwhelmed, when we get stressed, when we get busy, we drop the meeting a friend for dinner or going for a run in the morning or whatever it is, and then we wonder why we're falling apart more. I'm guilty of doing it now and again myself. My name is Lily Silverton. I'm a mindset and behavioral change speaker and writer and author of Prioritize This, a practical guide for thriving in a world that won't slow down, which is essentially a book on how to better navigate the absolute chaos of modern life.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Right. So we're definitely going to get into prioritize this quite a lot. I think that's the that's the main focus of this conversation, kind of the lessons within that book and what brought you to that point. But I think what would be really nice in the first instance is to understand how you personally got to this point. Why did you decide that this is something that you wanted to do? And I would imagine there's probably a backstory in what got you to this place.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

Yeah, I always say I am a I am my own first student, right? No one goes into this work unless they unless they have done the work or need the support. So I used to be a fashion and arts journalist. I was within magazines for about a decade. And then in my early 30s, about a decade ago now, I had a big breakup, which brought life into focus. And I really came to a realization that I loved fashion and arts. And, you know, I think it's brilliant and I think the creativity is fantastic, but I didn't want to be in it anymore. And I didn't see myself in five, 10 years within that world anymore. And so I was working for Rankin at the time, the photographer, and he gave me some time off to go and do my yoga training. I'd done yoga since I was a kid, so that was always something I'd wanted to do. I did that, and then slowly, or actually quite quickly, I became really interested in the thought repattering side of yoga and how we can shift our thoughts. So that doesn't mean that we can, I don't believe that we can entirely change our whole reality with our thoughts, which is what some yoga teachers believe. Um, but I just saw the power of that and became really interested in the forward thinking side of how can we change our thoughts? How can we work with our brain? How can we think about our mindset and what it's doing? And then I quickly found coaching and sort of stumbled into that. And then that's that's where I'm at. Now I had really bad mental health when I was younger as well, and eating disorders. So by the time I did my yoga training, I'd undone a lot of those patterns, but I really re a lot of the work there really resonated with me and was some of the stuff that I'd used years before in yoga in terms of thought repattering to support myself wasn't the only thing that helped me get out, but was part of it. So that also played a big part for me.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

That acceptance of kind of moving away from something you'd done for so long in the fashion industry and then starting something new in your sort of in your 30s, was that was that a scary prospect? Because that in itself is a big decision, right? To move away from something that you know that you're good at, that you've built a career in, to then being like, okay, I'm gonna go and start something totally different here.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

You know what, Ben? I don't think I overthought it very much. Okay. I was just, I felt really, really ready for it and I really went for it. And at first of all, I did work at magazines and teach yoga at the same time. So I didn't fully jump off straight away, but I just I felt so sure that this was that I was done with that chapter of my life. So it didn't, it didn't actually feel that scary. Uh, but there was a big identity shift around it because I went from being a magazine editor, and as a magazine editor, you're very important. And people want to invite you to things and they want to give you things and they want to skip to you to the front of the lines and so on. So I had to shift my understanding of myself a little bit after I left because I wasn't that much.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

That's a hard thing to do, isn't it? That's a hard thing to do. To be like, I guess I use that word acceptance again, but it is it is kind of that, excepting that you're not you're not that it's hard to say you're not that person because you're still that person, but you're not the person that you were in that situation, I guess, anymore. And trying to take yourself out of that is, I think, quite difficult sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Yeah, it's like you're a different version of yourself. And now when I go, I go to the odd fashion show or you know, or art show and still connected a little bit, and it just feels so different to be there and to be, you know, I hear about the gossip or I hear about whatever's happening within magazines, and I just feel very removed from it.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Has there ever been that temptation to get pulled back into that world?

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Not yet.

unknown 6:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Not yet. I guess I've been writing about wellness uh for the past 10 years since I left Fashion and Arts. So if there was like a really good opportunity to maybe work with a team, because I do miss working with a team, maybe there's a really good opportunity to do that within behavioral change and mindset. Um but also people aren't buying magazines anymore, then.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Yeah. Yeah, very good point. But they're buying books, hopefully. And we'll get onto that obviously. When um you mentioned there, like at the start of the conversation when we were just chatting about kind of the the the work that you you did uh as a yoga teacher in the start to start with, and then kind of moving towards that, being a coach and and and looking at at mindset. You said about um, you know, negative thought patterns and being in that as somebody who did have mental health issues as a kid. I think it's it's very difficult, isn't it, when you're when you're in that place to be like, this is this is the power of the brain, because the brain can do this negatively, but I think to understand that the brain can also do that positively is quite a powerful thing to be able to flick almost as a switch.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Completely. And I don't really remember how I did it, in all honesty. Um I know that it probably happened gradually, gradually, gradually, and then suddenly, as most of these things do. But as you say, when you're deep in it, when you're deep in sadness or anxiety or wherever you're at, it's very hard to see an alternative. And it's very hard to embrace or accept that there might be a possibility of change because it feels so real, because it is so real to you in your brain. So I guess it's about how you can find those tiny stepping stones that will allow you to accept or embrace or, you know, let a crack in of the idea that things could be different. So that's why I always, when I work with people, I always say, like, I'm not a huge fan of positive affirmations if someone's in a very low state, because I think that their their brain will reject them, that it will feel so different from where they are at in that exact moment, that their brain will just go, nah, I'm not, I'm not doing that. And everyone's different, obviously. So maybe some brains will. But in my experience, it's more useful for people to maybe have something that's a stepping stone, so that's a more of a neutral thought or a slightly less negative thought. So again, just letting that crack in so that you can start to change as opposed to trying to force yourself to change.

SPEAKER_00 9:01

I think a lot of people will be listening to this, and I think with conversations like this, it's it's very easy to then think back to a moment in your life, and there will be people listening, thinking back to a moment in their life. Like I'm kind of resonating with what Lily's saying there. Like, I maybe was in a position that someone was suggesting something to me, and and I can speak about that from a personal perspective as well. Like, and now, rationally, because I'm out of it, I can see that they were trying to do the best for me, and I can see that them trying to be positive was them trying to help me. But at that point, I'm like, I can't see the wood from the trees. I'm like, there is no way I'm going to accept what you're saying there. And I guess it's that point of you're probably not gonna welcome change until you're ready to change yourself, right?

SPEAKER_02 9:57

I think so. Yeah, I think so. I think you've gotta have you've gotta be able to take some sort of step towards it yourself, whatever that is, and however small that is, or be willing to take a step.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Yeah, it's very it's it's like it's so complicated, isn't it? And there's so much nuance to it. It it's really interesting the connection between yoga and and the coaching practice and and where you are now. That mind-body connection that you kind of do have through practicing yoga, that's kind of unlike anything else, I think. What why do you think that's so unique to the practice of yoga and that kind of mind-body thing that that is is spoken about a lot?

SPEAKER_02 10:45

I think part of it is that it's spoken about a lot. And that within the framework of yoga you're constantly encouraged and talked through sort of how to connect your body, your mind, your breath. And there's not really a point at which you're not reminded to do that. And so it becomes this really conscious practice of joining parts of yourself together and aligning them. But I also do think that you can bring it to many other places. I think, you know, I do know people who don't get on with yoga and it's really not their thing, and that yes, they have tried it many times and they're sick of people, you know, suggesting they give it a go. Um, and that they find a way to join their mind and their body in other ways, you know, they climb mountains, they swim. I think there is that capacity. There's obviously the spiritual side of yoga, which can be very important and significant for people, but I think there is that potential in so much movement running, you know. I think there is their potential to connect your mind, your body, and breath in any physical practice, even if it's, you know, yoga where you're barely moving, yoga where you're just moving a hand or when you're walking incredibly slowly. There's always that opportunity.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

Yeah, I do think I'm gonna double back on myself a little bit there because I said that there is nothing like yoga that does it. And I think you're right in saying that it's very much ingrained in it. But when you get to that flow state when you're in that place in a lot of other sports as well, you mentioned running for running. Like that's obviously that's that's where I would get it. I don't run with music because like I like to listen to my breath, and when you get that connection, then that's when you kind of yeah, that's when I felt feel like I get the most out of it from a mindset perspective, which I think is very interesting. And I guess it's that connection between movement and mindset, but it's very difficult to get there, isn't it? And I think this is where we'd probably shift towards prioritise this a little bit. It's difficult to get there because life is so busy in in a lot of ways, and it's very difficult to only be doing one thing at one time. Um have you found, you know, throughout throughout your practice and throughout um speaking to people and and coaching that that is something that is very paramount at the moment, the fact that we're all so busy and we're all, you know, doing a million one things at the same time, and we can't prioritize what the important things in our life are?

SPEAKER_02 13:30

Absolutely. I think we're overwhelmed on an individual level and on a collective level. Uh as you say, everyone is busy, everyone is everyone's to-do lists are bursting to the rafters. No one feels like they have enough time, no one feels like they have enough energy or attention, you know, the things that we put our attention to if we're thinking of our phones and the amount of distraction and the amount that our attention is taken away by social media apps, and I'm obviously as guilty as as everyone. We uh yeah, we're living, I think, in a poverty of attention. You know, it's that famous quote about poverty of tension, and I think we're really it was from the 70s, and I think we're really living in that now where we are collectively and individually overwhelmed. It's how we can make our way through that, you know, the world's not gonna change, right? Nothing is gonna change. It prop may probably just get worse without sounding too negative. It's so many things you're gonna do.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Yeah, it's so many things you're saying that are like that and and they're they're really gonna make people think, I think, with the and I've never heard it being put like that, being overwhelmed on a individual and a collective level, because and when you think about that, like that makes so much sense, doesn't it? Because as as a as one person, you might feel like, oh my god, this to-do list is incredibly long. But I think sometimes you don't relate that to what other people's to-do lists are like as well, and you don't then relate that to um what uh you know, the family's to-do list is, or the company's to-do list is, or the country's to-do list is, or the world's to-do list, and you're like, oh my God. I think sometimes when you when you start thinking like that, then that overwhelms you, doesn't it? So it's like over becoming overwhelmed at overwhelm. And yeah, what what are the what are the what are the what are the things that we can do on a on an everyday granular level, I guess, as as people help maybe counteract some of that overwhelm that we're feeling?

SPEAKER_02 15:45

Yeah, well, I think that's the thing, right? Because we can't if you're in a situation that you don't like, you can either change the situation or you can change your own mindset and behaviors around it. And we can't change the world, the global overwhelm. So, how can we look at our individual practices and how we are supporting or not supporting ourselves day to day? And obviously, my whole all my work is about priorities and starts from this idea of what we're prioritizing becomes our life and makes up the sum of our life. So for me, it's always the question of what am I prioritizing, both in terms of my habits and my friendships and my relationships and my thoughts and how are those contributing to my sense of overwhelm? And this could be, as you said, you know, if you think too much about how overwhelming the world is, that gets overwhelming. So that would be a thought that's contributing to that. And there's always the balance between staying aware of what's going on in the world. You know, I study politics, I like to stay, you know, aware roughly of what's going on in the world, but we cannot cope with our 24-hour news cycle that's coming at us. And that is and the way that we imbibe information, especially through social media, where it's really sensational, that's where a lot of people get their news from, myself included, sometimes. You know, our brains are not really designed to imbibe information in that way. So it's thinking, okay, well, if that's the way that I'm getting my news and I'm feeling really overwhelmed by the news, maybe I need to rethink how I am ingesting this and the impact that that's having on me.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

I had a really interesting um moment a couple of weeks ago. Well, last week actually, me and my partner went away for five days to Greece, and as you do when you're away, you put on the tele, don't you, in the hotel room. And the only TV program, the TV channel that was in English was um like a 24-hour news channel. And I at home ingest news um, you know, when I when I want to. When I'm on my phone or I open the BBC News app, or I'll take it in on a social media piece, but I I'm very much, I think, in control of when I ingest that. And obviously I'm in control of having the TV on or TV off. But when you're when I was out there, I ended up watching a lot more news, like a lot more, because that was that was what was available to me. And I ended up feeling so overwhelmed. Like I ended up feeling like, oh my god, this world is an absolute nightmare. And I I felt that was super interesting because that did lead me to that thought of like, you're very much in control of this from a personal perspective, but I guess that doesn't change what is actually happening. So then I felt a bit guilty. I was like, okay, am I actually just burying my head in the sand a little bit here? And then that's another thought, then, isn't it? Of like, oh, um, you know, should I care more? Quote unquote. Should I be watching this more? And should I and then you start spiraling there and you start thinking about all that sort of stuff. And I think it becomes very complex, doesn't it? In like how you um how you put things into practice to be able to rationally uh come up with a way to prioritize whatever you want to prioritize. And I think even the word priority is di is is difficult in some respects, isn't it? Because it's like do you I'm sure you found this with people. Do you find that people actually don't know what they want to prioritize?

SPEAKER_02 19:34

Yeah, I actually around the book launch a couple of weeks ago, we went out onto the street and asked people about their priorities to talk to us about their priorities, and quite a few people had said they'd never thought about it before. Which I was really surprised by because obviously I spend my whole time thinking about it. Can I swear on this podcast? Yeah, yeah, you can.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

You can, of course you can.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

Yeah, my whole fucking time. I'm always thinking about priorities. It's like my identity these days, made it to my personality. So um, yeah, people would be really uh some people become quite emotional because they hadn't thought about it before and they hadn't stopped to think what's actually important to me and what actually matters to me. And obviously, like there is the obvious stuff, there's family and health and so on, but there's also some really interesting and varying things that we think are important and that make us feel more aligned and more ourselves in this world.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

It's a really nice piece of content that actually. It's a really nice piece of content. Um, the the question one, sorry to interrupt you, Lily. Yeah, like I'll I'll put it in the put it in the description um of this if if people do want to go and do go and watch it. But yeah, as you were saying, it's it's um it's difficult when you don't know your priority. And how how do you how do you decide what your priority is, I guess?

SPEAKER_02 20:59

It's a big question. It's it's around often around looking at looking at your past. So having a think, if we're thinking it's like quite a big subject, if we're thinking about maybe the past year, what's the past year been? What's been important to me that year? What's brought me a lot of joy? What's brought me a lot of purpose? Where have I felt most myself? Who are the people where I've been around them and I've really felt good? And who are the people where I've not felt so good? What are the habits I've done that have helped me feel, you know, aligned, and so on and so forth. And asking these questions, it's all about awareness of questioning okay, what am I doing? And what do I think of that? How am I living my life? What's my opinion on that? And from that, you can kind of extrapolate what's actually important to me and what maybe am I prioritizing that isn't that important to me. And I actually I've had it quite. I don't do really one-to-ones anymore, except on a pro bono basis. But when I've worked a couple of times with um sort of C-suite individuals and ask them about their priorities and we'll work them out over lots of questions. And, you know, very, very often family will be a priority. And then we'll look at their day-to-day. And we'll look at when they get home from the office or when they leave for the office and how they are with their family after they get home or how they are on the weekend. And their behavior and their time and schedule doesn't match what they're saying is a priority to them. And then the question becomes okay, how can I shift and change my life? Maybe not completely. I might not quit my job. You know, it also supports my family. But how am I going to take small actions and behaviors or mindset changes so that I can so that my life can better reflect my priorities? Because I do strongly believe that if your life reflects your priorities, you're just going to feel a bit better overall.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Do you find that people sometimes will say something's their priority because they think it should be their priority?

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Definitely. Yeah, definitely. What do you think?

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Yeah, I think so too. And I think that's a really good indication what you just said there about people saying family, because I think if somebody doesn't say family is their priority, in the first instance they're gonna think, oh, I'm gonna get judged by this, aren't I? Like if I don't say my family and friends is a priority, I'm gonna I'm an awful person. But I think in a lot of people they will know that it probably isn't, but they feel like they should say it because that's the right thing to do. And I guess then it is going back to that acceptance piece of like, if that is actually a priority in your life, you need to make these changes to be able to get to that point. When when when somebody gets to that point of realizing, like, okay, this needs to be a priority, but it's but it's not a priority, how do they how do you then put those steps in place to to make that thing a priority? Is it identifying um changes that they can make? Is it identifying um different routes they can take to get to that point? Like how how does one make a priority a priority that is not yet a priority?

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Great question. Um it kind of comes back to what I said earlier, in that if you're unhappy with a situation, you can either change the situation itself or you can change your mindset around the situation and your behaviors. So I think that's sort of the first point where you start with people in terms of is there scope for you to change the actual situation around these priorities? Because for some people, you know, it might be that we'll just use the family one again, that family is a big priority, but that you have a really, really toxic, difficult boss who's making it incredibly hard to get home on time, but also incredibly hard for you to mentally switch off at the weekends because they're messaging all the time and so on. And short of quitting your job, which you may not want to do, especially in today's climate, you can't change that boss. So it becomes, how can I change my own behaviors and mindset here? And it's unfair, essentially, to have, you know, a horrible boss and to have to say, oh, I have to mindset my way out of this, but there is no alternative really available to us. So, you know, I don't always think it's fair to put the onus on the individual when so much systemic change is needed. But at the end of the day, if we can't change it ourselves, if the change isn't gonna come out there, then we have to change it ourselves if we if we want to shift the situation. So then you're going, okay, family's my priority, got this toxic boss, they're not gonna change. How can I change my habits and mindsets at the weekend when I'm with my family? How can I start to put in small boundaries there around my phone use for myself of when I look at my emails? Could I do it twice a day at the weekends if I really have to be available and on instead of all day? Could I, you know, plan activities that are going to really fill me with joy and where I can stay really centered and present, or where I can be without my phone? You know, could I take my kids swimming or climbing or, you know, something where I can't have my phone, you know, running. I come we come back to this movement aspect. And and thinking that, okay, what are the small changes again, small changes that I can make that are gonna better support me?

SPEAKER_00 27:03

How am I gonna mindset my way out of this? That is that's such a uh powerful piece of terminology, I think. And also probably um, you know, full circle, that gives you a that gives you a an idea of what is a you're able to do as an individual, right? Like you do have these choices and you are able to change little things to change that fundamental problem. But again, it's so difficult to think about it, isn't it, sometimes?

SPEAKER_02 27:40

It's so difficult to think about. And there are some things which, you know, as you said before, like that we can't always mindset our way out of. There are some really difficult things that happen in life, and I think it's terrible to tell someone after they've had, you know, a huge bereavement, you know, this is you've got to mindset your way out of it.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

You're like, yeah, whoa, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:00

And also, as you said earlier, changing your mind with your mind is sometimes the hardest thing of all, which is why I do think that movement for those who are where it's possible can be so impactful because that might mind-body connection, I'm sure, as you've seen and yourself possibly with running, but also with many of the people that you've interviewed, can create that little shift, can create that chink that we were talking about earlier of oh, maybe there's an opportunity for change here.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

This might sound mad, but I care less once I've trained or I've done something. I just really I little things won't get to me as much as they maybe would have if I didn't. Um it's like getting that little thing out of me that's like that's how I feel about it anyway. I described it once on this podcast, actually, and I I don't know why I said it, but it just kind of came to me at the moment. It's like I've got a dog, right? It's called Buster, he's a bulldog. If he doesn't go out, he's a nightmare. And I'm like, that he's he it's this simple, it's that simple for me. It's I'm like him. If I don't walk myself or if I don't run myself, um, yeah, I'm I'm I find it more difficult myself. I find it more difficult um to yeah, I guess be a good partner and a good friend and a good and all of that stuff. Because I'm not saying I'm a bad one if I don't go for a run, but I do find it like I'm not I'm not wholly me, I don't think. It's probably a nice way of putting it. And um I think actually prioritizing something like that can then quite easily fall by the wayside, prioritizing training, prioritizing exercising, prioritizing all of that sort of stuff. And I I sometimes have to remind myself I need to do that because the other stuff will feel easier. And even if the other stuff feels like there's too much of it to be able to do the run, you need to do the run because the other stuff will feel easier. And I think that's the constant circle of um that this is a journey, isn't it? As well, I think is that is the important thing to note. Like I constantly have to do that, and people will always constantly have to do that.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

Yeah, 100%. I think it's not always easy to prioritize the stuff that keeps us together, keeps us knitted together in body and mind. And it is, as you say, like the stuff that falls by the wayside really quickly when we get overwhelmed, when we get stressed, when we get busy, we drop the meeting a friend for dinner because we're too tired, even though we could make it like a seven o'clock dinner and we could do it for an hour and a half, and that seeing them would probably really create a mental shift and be really good for us. But we drop or going for a run in the morning or whatever it is, you know, we drop the things that hold us together as people, and then we wonder why we're falling apart more. And I'm also, you know, again, I'm guilty of doing it now and again myself. I know that for me, meditation is really important and I generally do 10 minutes a day. But if I drop it, it's normally because I feel too overwhelmed, and then I feel more overwhelmed. And I just know that I need to, it's the same like lacing up your running shoes and just getting out there and doing it.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

Overwhelm is like such a word that we're all using a lot more at the moment. I think. I don't know if it's the shift towards working at home post-COVID and kind of maybe being out of the office and not seeing as many people, and you know, it's very easy to your house becomes your work and your work becomes your house. And there's there's all of that thing that I think adds to the overwhelm of the churn of everyday life. What what what are those small things you can put in place, I guess, on the daily to kind of counteract that overwhelm that we're we're all feeling, I think, at the moment?

SPEAKER_02 32:07

I think there's the really obvious of creating some structure around your phone and around your digital use because that is a source of overwhelm for so many people. I always recommend that people audit their phone use and see where they're at and see what certain apps or behaviors, how they how those make them feel, and how those may contribute. So that's a very easy first point of, you know, we just talked about putting your phone on airplane mode now and again, if you're able to having it on do not disturb for much of the day, so that people who need to get hold of you can get hold of you, but those who don't don't, and you're not constantly distracted by by those messages. And then thinking first about all right, what what part have I got to play in this? What are the kind of habits that I've got that aren't helping me or that are contributing to the sense of overwhelm? What am I doing in my day-to-day? How am I interacting with people? How am I thinking about other people? And again, it's not necessarily the most straightforward thing to change those things, but awareness is the first step of knowing whether or not something is helping. And and then there's also what we spoke about earlier. Like we always think about subtracting when we're overwhelmed, right? Like, how can I take away? How can I take away? How can I take away? But it seems to me like no matter how much we take away, more stuff piles on. I always say our to-do lists are like a game of whack-a-mole, you know, that game where you hit one thing off, another one's straight up there. Like you're never gonna complete your to-do list. You're playing against the house, which is life, and life will always win. You know, some that's always gonna be busy. So it's less about how can we take things away? And possibly it's that thing that you said earlier: like, how can we add something in? So if I add in, you know, for you it would be a run. If I'm adding in that run, is that actually, as you find yourself, as you said, gonna help me feel less overwhelmed? So I think people often go to that, what can I subtract? And I often go back with, okay, but is there something you need to add?

SPEAKER_00 34:15

Yeah, that's so interesting. And people will think, oh, but like, how can I add to a cup of water that's already full? It's gonna spill. You're like, but actually, and this is a this is maybe a weird analogy, but drinking more water, if you're if you're in a in a health perspective, drinking more water, which will actually will actually help your um your your uh water retention. I and I I this is I read this yesterday, which is really strange, and I find I find that really odd. I'm like, but that doesn't make any sense. Like, if I'm putting more water in my body, how can less water be in my body? And there's you know, it's there's the science behind it. But actually, in this instance, that does make sense as well, doesn't it? It's like put a little bit extra in, and actually it might help lean out your life a little bit, which is quite a nice way of thinking about it, I think.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

Yeah, I like I like the way you said that. Lean out your life.

SPEAKER_00 35:14

Lean out your life. Um the book itself, when did you decide that you know I want to put some of this stuff down on paper, my learnings, the things that I've I've um I've come to I've come to understand over the years? Because that in itself is a is a big deal, right? For you, you're shifting your priorities a hell of a lot, I would imagine, to be able to make this book happen, to sit down, to put it down on paper. So, how did you get to that point of, you know, I want to do this?

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Uh I've always wanted to write a book. So, you know, I've been a writer for 20 years and I always wanted to write one. My father wrote books, so it's always been within different kinds of books, but was always within my orbit. And I actually tried to get an agent for this book or a version of this book, quite different back then, because I was teaching more yoga, um, in 2019, at the end of 2019, and didn't succeed. And then the pandemic hit, and then I launched my podcast called Priorities, then, and that built up over the years into a really, you know, into essentially what the book has become today. So it's I like to give that example to people who feel that who first of all who think that this has come quickly for me because it hasn't, you know, it's been six years of wanting to get this book out there. Um, but also that sometimes like the failure points you in the right direction and gives you what you need instead. And then I actually, yeah, almost wrote it again a couple of years ago. And then my father got very unwell and passed away. And so it didn't feel like the right time then. I had a publisher and then changed things. And then uh last year or the year before, I can't work out now. Probably the year before last, I started really putting it together and thinking I I know exactly what I want this to be now. I know the subjects that I want to talk about, I know what I think the best intervention points are for modern life. I'd done some neuroscience trainings, some basic neuroscience trainings. I really wanted to get that information out there and to link it in. Um, and then the in the end, from getting the deal to getting the book out there, I had four months to write it. So it ended up so it was incredibly, incredibly tight. Um, but I felt really ready. You know, I'd been doing it for a very long time. I had a lot of the information in workshops and notes and, you know, various talks that I'd done over the years. So I felt like a lot of the information was there. And I actually loved the process of having to give up on everything else to write the book on having to really take my own advice and fully like deprioritize a load of stuff so that I could just do that. Um, yeah, I enjoyed that bit.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

And that's so important as well for people to know, isn't it? It's like if you've got something big that's going on, you've got four months to write a book. Extreme example, but there are there are things in people's lives that they might be like, how do I get this done? This feels like a massive piece that is going to benefit me in the long term, but right now I don't have time to do it. You're allowed to take a step back. You're allowed to be like, I can't do this right now. I can't do this right now because I need to do this to benefit me. And I'm sure you had to do that, right? You probably had to put down a lot of spinning plates at that point to be like, I want to make this happen. And I can only make this happen by doing this. And and and this is probably something people don't understand as well. You're on your own journey, aren't you? You're having to constantly shift your priorities, even though that you know, you're the person that writes writing the book and you're the person that's done all this work. You still have to do it yourself too, don't you?

SPEAKER_02 38:58

Oh, yeah, completely. I get, you know, I do a lot of stress management coaching um for businesses, and often people are they'll ask what I do, and I say that, and then they'll be like, Oh, so you're never stressed. And it's like, well, obviously I get stressed. I just don't obviously I get stressed.

SPEAKER_03 39:13

I'm human, ask my husband. But, you know, I have the tools that I can use, and most of the time they work well.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

And now and again, you know, I also just stay stressed because that's the nature of life. Sometimes, as I said before, you know, you can't. I think we're also we have this idea that we can fix everything all the time. Do you know what I mean? That like if I just do the work, or if I just put in the boundaries, or if I just do X and Y, that I can make everything perfect. And I think social media probably has something to answer for around here. Um, and sometimes that's not the reality because sometimes life just life's. And we need to navigate through it regardless that maybe we don't feel that much better, or maybe we still feel stressed, and it's more about okay, how can I wade through the difficult thing? How can I stay uncomfortable through this hard thing and accept that that is part of life rather than denying that side of reality?

SPEAKER_00 40:12

What's it like when you finish something like that? Because I say it's four months, but realistically, you know, you've probably been on the journey to write the book for your whole life if you've said you've always wanted to write books, and that's part of that's part of who you are and your identity from from your dad as well. But also like you've had this whole process of leaving the fashion and arts industry, jumping into what you are now doing, and then the podcast and everything. It's been a long process, it's not just four months. What's it like holding that thing in your hand at the end when it comes back and you've done all the you know the signing off and it's been through the checks and it's there, and you're like, this is the thing that people are going to have. That moment must be quite surreal almost.

SPEAKER_02 41:00

So surreal. So surreal. It felt it felt, I was so nervous. I didn't, the box of books arrived at my house and I didn't open it for two days because I was too nervous to look at it.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

I love that.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

I was like, what if it's shit? Um and actually I was incredibly happy with it. And I think the publisher have done an and the printers have done an amazing job on the actual like aesthetic and how it's how it's laid out and everything and the edit that they did. Um, but yeah, it feels incredibly weird. Felt very weird reading it back when I did the audio. That was um, I mean, you know, you do audio for for a living, but when you have to listen back to your own voice repeatedly as well as your own ideas, you're a bit like, ah, do you do that line again, Lily?

SPEAKER_00 41:45

Do we do that line again?

unknown 41:47

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 41:47

I can't, I can't, I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 41:49

I don't want to say it again.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

I don't want to hear myself say it again. Um, and then it's also your ideas. So at points you'll be like, oh yeah, no, that doesn't make sense. I'm glad I did that. And at other points you'll be like, what the fuck? Like, does that even make sense? And that's ridiculous. And do you even think that now? Because again, with this kind of a book, I think you're you're putting the what what you're putting down what you have with the information you have at that point, but that's always going to evolve as well.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

Yeah. Like life, I guess. And that's the thing as well. And it's like those are those are those are the those are the the other, I think, elements to mindset and to priorities and to overwhelm and to stress that and you've probably described it quite well uh before as well. You're like the whack-a-mole thing. Things are always gonna pop up, things are always gonna change, things are always gonna evolve, and that's like that's like everything, isn't it? You could put these things in place to help you right now, but that doesn't mean that that thing, that tool for you in the future might not work. You might need something else, you might need to change up. And it's that constant process of evolving and accepting that that is a thing that has to happen or will happen.

SPEAKER_02 43:14

Yeah, completely. And I'm guessing that people that listen to your podcast are runners, you know, um, or that like running. And, you know, you can see it with running, you know, you you can rely on running to be, as you talked about, you know, to feel like the best version of you outside of that. And it's similar with yoga, or we always say, you know, it's not about the yoga on the mat, it's not about being flexible or strong on the mat, it's about being flexible and strong off the mat in your mind and in your actions to others. But if you have an injury, as like 99% of people that I know, especially runners, have had, it's then how do I find that elsewhere? How do I pivot so that I'm not falling into a hole, self-pitying hole, which again, understandable, totally understandable. But how do I find something else? How do I look elsewhere? What else can I draw on? So that we're not necessarily relying on one thing to keep us afloat as a person.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

You said rely, and that just popped into my head straight away. I think reliance almost is one thing that can be incredibly dangerous as well, can't it? Because if you're if you are um if you are very dependent on one thing, you've only got one set of nice walks in the drawer. What are you going to do when that one's dirty? It's like, is that it's the say it's that same feeling isn't it like you can't just rely on having that one thing and it is about exploring those different things. Maybe do go and try a yoga class. I've never done something as hard in my life as hot yoga. I I would go and run um ultra on a mountain and I'd be okay. I'd be in 10 minutes into hot yoga class looking up at that clock being like oh my God is this over yet like yeah run it runners runners runners in yoga classes is a is a real thing.

SPEAKER_03 45:16

You can spot them immediately as a teacher. Like I can't touch my toes. Why am I here?

SPEAKER_00 45:23

Yeah it is exactly that. I mean my my copy of the book is on its way and I I I personally can't wait to read it. I I I've absolutely loved this conversation Lily I feel like I could I could probably speak to you for hours on the on end and and I I I I think we should wrap this up by by saying and giving you the moment to say like if people do want to go and get the book or if people do want to listen to a pod a podcast or if people do want to find more about you like how do they do that and and what do you hope finally this book will bring people I hope that it will bring people I hope that it will help them feel a little bit more like themselves.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

I hope that it will help them feel like they've got a few more tools and their toolkit to navigate the chaos of modern life and to feel like they can support themselves and others through things with a little bit more clarity and purpose and connection and maybe joy as well ultimately and if you want to find me if you want to read the book the book is available I think in most places um in you know you can ask your independent bookstore it's there on Amazon it's on Waterstones and Foils and so on. And on socials I'm Lily underscore Silverton and the website is Lily Silverton as well. And actually on on the prioritizeth website prioritisethis.com we've got a load of free resources from the book as well because I wanted to I know that for everyone that right now not everyone can can purchase a book so there's a bunch of resources on there that you can download free coaching resources as well. You don't even have to enter your email they're just there. It's a really bad marketing from me