Judgement: Never Say "I Would Never"

Today’s topic is on yet another lovely human trait we’ve all been blessed with,  I call it a habit -even a low key addiction, its one that none of us can pretend that we don’t do.

No one is exempt.

Today’s topic is judgement 

Judgment is forming a conclusion about someone’s life without living inside it.

Judgment is “certainty” without context.

It is forming a conclusion about someone’s behavior without living in their circumstances.

- Its looking through  small window of someone’s life and assuming you have seen the whole house thru that window.

We do it so quickly and  We start so young.

_we judge relationships and marriages we are not inside of, we judge even if we are not in either

_we judge parenting styles, we judge parenting even when we don’t have kids to parent.

_ we judge kids we don’t know, and don’t have

_ We judge others bodies we don’t live in

_And we judge other people’s decisions that we have never had to make-

We judge from a distance- WE react to what’s visible- NOT what is underneath. 

When our  life feels unpredictable, judgment gives us a sense of order. If we can explain someone else’s failures- mistakes -or struggle we feel safer.

When it comes to judgement I look at it as both an addiction and a habit- 

Judgement can feel addictive because it gives us a small emotional reward. When we judge, especially with someone else, we feel aligned, we feel bonded , and most importantly, we feel elevated.

Judgement becomes a habit when it is repeated.-  If you grow up in environments where judging others is normal  and  it’s  how people bond- your brain wires that pattern in & that pattern gets reinforced- it becomes the default way you connect, react and relate-and overtime judging becomes automatic- You don’t even realize you are doing it.

There is that old saying “never say never” – and when it comes to judgment-"Never say Never"is a reminder that judgement is built on assumptions, and assumptions can and will crumble when LIFE hits us.

When we say “I would never” we are speaking from limited experience. We are assuming todays version of us is the final version- that we will always have the same energy, the same clarity, & the same strength.

But life changes you.

Stress changes you

Love changes you

Exhaustion changes you- AND  loss changes you

Sometimes it’s not the judgement that comes back to haunt & punish us- it’s that the situation gets bigger. It grows. And once you are inside of it- you realize it was never as simple as you thought-The situation you once judged from the outside suddenly becomes yours.

I don’t know if its karma- or life just being life- but I have noticed that the things that we speak about with the most certainty has a way of testing us. 

We can’t pretend we will never judge- our brains are wired to categorize. It’s how we make sense of the world. 

Just because judgement is automatic doesn’t mean it needs to be a final thought- There’s a difference between a first thought and a final thought- the first thought might be judgment- but the final  thought can be awareness-if we stop, and remind ourselves that no matter how clear something looks from the outside, we don’t know the full story. We just don’t. no one does.

Never say never.

Pay attention to your first thought- and choose your second. 

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

949)236-1529

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