"Don't Ever Change"- Love or Limitation?

“Don’t Ever Change”- It sounds like one of the nicest things you could say to someone, or have someone say to you. Right? 

It sounds loving,  and it sounds like something you would say to someone you care about a lot. But what if it’s not loving?  If you really sit with it, it just might be one of the worst pieces of advice that we have normalized as a society.

 “Don’t Ever Change’.

  What it means.. and what it says.. aren’t always the same.

Its sounds nice,for sure.

It also sounds supporting and comforting.

But underneath that, it can carry a different message:

Stay the same.

Stay familiar.

Stay predictable

And if we take it literally..

We are asking someone..

*To stop changing

*To stop growing

* And to stop evolving.

 This goes against everything we are supposed to do as human beings.

 We are not meant to stay the same.

We are meant to grow

We are meant to learn

To change our minds

And to think differently as we evolve.

“Don’t ever change”. Its Limitation. It’s a bad message buried inside a  good one. 

And we say it all the time… 

We say it in relationships

We say it to our partners

We even say it to our kids.

And most of the time.. we don’t stop to think about what we are really saying or asking.

What we mean is love.

But what we are actually saying is  Freeze.Stay as you are. Stay put.

Now, Before we go any further, I want to quickly define the three words for you: 

They are not the same, but they are connected.

Change is action.

It’s the moment something shifts- your thinking, your behavior, or your perspective.

Growth is result.

It’s what happens when that change moves you forward- when you learn, improve or become better 

And Evolution

is what happens over time. It’s the bigger picture- the way you develop and become someone different as those changes add up.

And without change, the other two don’t happen.

Growth, Change, and evolution should be a part of a relationship- not something that puts it at risk.

Because if two people are committed to growing then the patterns don’t break the relationship- they evolve with it.

Being in a relationship requires both people being willing to adjust the pattern as they both evolve.

 This is something nobody talks about;

When you meet someone

You fall in love with them.

You build a life around who they are at that time.

Then: You get engaged.

Before you say “Yes”, I want you to know and understand that you are not marrying a finished product.

You a marrying a version. A moment in time. And that version is going to change.

And so are you.

The truth is:

·   You are allowed to change- and you don’t need     permission.

·   You are allowed to change your mind

·   To see things differently.

·   To want different things than you once did.

·   And You are allowed to become more.

And  the right relationship.. the healthy one... don’t punish you for that.

And the right partner will be proud to stand next to someone who wants to grow, evolve and become the best version of themselves.

That’s reality.

"Keep on Keeping On"

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask Podcast

(949)236-1529

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