Anger: What Is It Trying to Tell You?

Today I want to talk about “Anger”

What if I told you that anger itself isn’t  the problem?

What if anger is just your body’s alarm system telling you that something deeper needs your attention?

Before I begin I would like to make one thing clear. Feeling angry does not make someone abusive.

Anger is an absolutely normal human emotion and a very normal human response.

Abuse is something different. Abuse is a pattern of harmful behaviors, or choices that can involve anger, but anger itself is not abuse.

We all experience anger, but we all don’t become abusive.

With that said…let’s talk about what anger really is.

Most of us have been taught that anger is just an emotion. And while that’s true, its only part of the story. 

Anger is also a response.

the difference is;

An emotion is something we experience internally. Fear, sadness, embarrassment, disappointment, shame, jealousy, or feeling unheard, these are emotions. They tell you how you are feeling.

A response is what your body and mind do because of those emotions.

And This is where anger comes in. Anger shows up quick giving you the energy, & focus that you need to defend yourself, solve a problem, or push back against a perceived threat.

In a lot of situations, anger is like a suit of armor , most of the time it protects your softer deeper emotions.

Think about the last time you got angry. If you rewind the story, chances are there was another emotion there first. Maybe you felt hurt, or embarrassed. Whatever the emotion, those emotions can be uncomfortable and vulnerable, so your body often responds with anger because anger feels stronger than vulnerability. It feels more protective.

For thousands of years anger helped keep us humans alive.

Anger served a purpose.

Anger evolved as a survival response.

 Anger is part of the body’s built in alarm system. It is designed to help protect us when we perceive a threat, feel like we have been treated unfairly, or believe one of our boundaries has been crossed.

When your brain senses danger it doesn’t wait for slow careful thinking..

 It reacts.

In a fraction of a second your nervous system prepares your body for action.

*your heart beats faster.

*your Blood pressure rises

 * your breathing becomes quicker

* your muscles tighten

*and your brain becomes intensely focused on the threat.

*your liver releases stored glucose into the blood stream, giving your muscles a quick source of energy.

All of these changes happen automatically.

You don’t choose them..your body does.

The purpose of anger isn’t to make you lose control.. it’s to give you energy, confidence, and focus, to protect yourself  and respond to what your brain believes is important. Unlike fear, which sometimes makes us  withdrawal or avoid a situation…anger moves us forward, it motivates you to approach and confront  the problem, defend yourself, or protect someone or something  that you care about.

Most of us grow up believing that anger is a “bad emotion”.

We are taught to hide it.

 Suppress it.

Control it.

Or pretend we are not feeling it at all.

But in reality anger isn’t good or bad.

Anger is information…

Just like:

Pain

Hunger

Or fatigue

Anger is your body trying to tell you to pay attention.. something important to you needs your attention.

Anger isn’t the problem… it’s a signal, and what matters is what you do with that signal.

If you ignore it, bury it, or let it control your behavior, anger can for sure become destructive- it can damage your health, your relationships, and it can damage the way wesee other people.

But, when you understand it, anger can become a catalyst for change.

It can motivate you to set healthy boundaries, speak up for yourself, solve problems, and make really meaningful changes in your life.

The goal isn’t to get rid of anger, the goal is to understand what you're angry is trying to tell you.

What we eat can influence how easily your anger response it triggered.

Diet does not create anger, but it does affect our patience, resilience and the ability to regulate our emotions.

Foods high in added sugar can cause rapid spikes and crashes in your  blood sugar, leaving you feeling irritable, impatient and very short tempered. The same thing can happen if you skip meals and your blood sugar drops too low.

Diets high in processed foods have also been linked to increased inflammation and poorer mental health- which makes it more difficult to manage stress, regulate your emotions and respond calmly instead of reacting with anger.

The healthier and more stable we keep our bodies , the easier it is for our minds to stay balanced too.

Hydration matters too:

And don’t underestimate hydration-Even milddehydration is a stress on your body.

Dehydration raises your cortisol-so it’s similar to a stress response, it also causes headaches, low energy, and fatigue, which of course all lower your tolerance for frustration.

So, eating regularly, eating whole foods, and staying hydrated is one of the simplest, most physical ways to lower your baseline reactivity.

Now, The goal here  isn’t to become someone who never gets angry… that’s impossible. It’s to become someone who understands WHY they are angry before they react.

The healthiest thing you can do is learn how to care for the system creating the response, your nervous system, your body and your daily habits. Because you may not always be able to control what you feel, but you can learn to manage yourself.

Remember this: Anger isn’t something that appears out of nowhere..

 It's influenced by what happened to you, what you are thinking, and even how well you have taken care of your body.

Enjoy!

Joanne Demers

The Aging Mask- A Lifestyle Medicine Podcast

(949)-236-1529

Follow along on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theagingmask

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, welcome back to the Aging Mass Podcast, a lifestyle medicine podcast where together we explore lifestyle, wellness, and our everyday choices that shape the way we age. I am Joanne Demurs, your weekly wellness companion. Thank you for hanging out with me. Greatly appreciate it. Today I want to talk about anger. What if I told you that anger itself isn't a problem? What if anger is just your body's alarm system telling you that something deeper needs your attention? That's what we're going to talk about today. But before I begin, I would like to make one thing clear. Feeling angry does not make someone abusive. Anger is an absolutely normal human emotion and a very normal human response. Abuse is something different. Abuse is a pattern of harmful behaviors or choices that can involve anger, but anger itself is not abuse. We all experience anger, but we all don't become abusive. Now, with that said, let's talk about what anger really is. Most of us have been taught that anger is just an emotion. And while that's true, anger is also a response. Anger is an emotion and a response. And the difference is an emotion is something that we experience internally. Fear, sadness, embarrassment, disappointment, shame, jealousy. These are emotions. They tell you how you are feeling. A response is what your body and mind do because of those emotions. And then anger comes in. Anger shows up quick, giving you the energy and the focus that you need to defend yourself, solve a problem, or push back against a perceived threat. In a lot of situations, anger is like a suit of armor. Most of the time, it's just protecting you and your softer, deeper emotions. Think about the last time you got angry. If you rewind the story as to why you got angry, chances are there was another emotion there first. Maybe you felt hurt, or maybe you were embarrassed. Whatever the emotion, those emotions can be uncomfortable and vulnerable. So what your body does is it responds with anger because anger feels stronger than vulnerability, feels more protective. This is why understanding anger isn't about asking, how do I stop getting angry? It's about asking what happened minutes before anger arrived. Because anger is really the visible part of a much deeper story. And if you've ever wondered to yourself, why did our bodies develop this response in the first place? It's because for thousands of years it helped keep us humans alive. Anger served a purpose. Anger evolved as a survival response. And as I mentioned, anger is part of the body's built-in alarm system. It's designed to help protect you when you feel a perceived threat or you feel like you've been treated unfairly or you believe one of your boundaries has been crossed. When your brain senses danger, it doesn't wait for slow, careful thinking. It reacts. In a fraction of a second, your nervous system prepares your body for action. Your heart beats faster, your blood pressure rises, your breathing becomes quicker, your muscles tighten, and your brain becomes intensely focused on that threat. And your liver releases stored glucose into the bloodstream, giving your muscles a quick source of energy for battle. And all of these changes happen automatically. You don't choose them, you don't choose them, your body does. The purpose of anger isn't to make you lose control, it's to give you energy, confidence, and focus to protect yourself and to respond to what your brain believes is important. And unlike fear, which sometimes makes us withdraw or avoid a situation, anger moves us forward. It motivates you to approach and confront the problem, defend yourself, or protect someone or something that you care about. The challenge is that while your body hasn't changed very much over the last thousand years, your threats have changed. Today, you're not usually facing off with physical danger. You're responding to criticism. You are responding to rude emails or upsetting texts, financial stress, traffic. Maybe you're responding to relationship issues. You're responding to someone who makes you feel disrespected. Your brain responds to these emotional threats using the very same survival system that once protected you from physical danger. Now, most of us grew up believing that anger is a bad emotion. We are taught to hide it, suppress it, control it, or pretend that we are not feeling it at all. But in reality, anger isn't good or bad. Anger is information, just like pain, hunger, or fatigue. Anger is information. Anger is your body trying to tell you to pay attention and that something important to you needs your attention. Anger isn't the problem. And what matters is what you do with that signal. If you ignore it, if you bury it, or let it control your behavior, anger can for sure become destructive. It can damage your health, your relationships, and it can damage the way that you see other people. But when you understand it, anger can become a catalyst for change. It can motivate you to set healthy boundaries, speak up for yourself, solve problems, and make really meaningful changes in your life. And the goal isn't to get rid of anger, the goal is to understand what your anger is trying to tell you. You can't always control whether or not anger shows up either. Remember, it's part of your built-in alarm system. It's designed to act quickly and long before the thinking part of your brain has fully caught up. What you can learn to control is what happens next. The challenge here is that modern life triggers the same ancient alarm system over and over again. And your body prepares you for action, but now there's really no action to take. Trust me when I say that it helps. Try and maintain a 10 to 20 second distance between your trigger and your response. So you get triggered, try and wait 10 to 20 seconds before your response. This will change the outcome. It will give your thinking part of your brain time to catch up with your emotional brain. And these seconds also give your spiked adrenaline a chance to fade too. And that adrenaline fades really quick. So 10 to 20 second pause between your trigger and your response. The next is physical movement. You have to move your body, you have to get rid of that energy. So take a fast walk. Go up and down a flight of stairs a couple times. Do jumping jacks. Even jumping up and down helps to release the tension because it mimics the action your body wanted to take. Movement helps your body use some of that energy it prepared for during the anger response. So you physical movement. To me, that's key. Another helpful technique is to name what you're feeling. I know that sounds woo-hoo-y, but you do just simply by saying, I'm so angry right now. I know that it sounds too simple to matter, but putting your feelings into words really can help engage the rational part of your brain and make the emotion feel more manageable. Then after that, after you've done those three things, ask yourself what is underneath this anger. Try and address the root cause. A chronic short fuse isn't always about the immediate trigger. It could be more about accumulated stress, that embarrassment or feeling disrespected. Underneath is where the real work begins. And finally, remember that managing anger doesn't start in the middle of an argument. It starts with your daily habits: moving your body, getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, and eating good, nutritious whole foods. And here's another thing: even cooling routines help. Sometimes the best thing you can do for an overheated mind is to cool your body. A cool shower. When I say cool, I'm not talking ice cold. You want a cool shower, spend some time in a cool, quiet environment. Avoid, avoid, avoid being out in peak heat. Avoid being out in that sun for long periods at a time because being hot, this really gets the negative energy going. You just want to think cool, everything cool. Cool showers, cool environment, and you want to try to eat lighter, less spicy meals when you notice that you are feeling heated or irritable. Lighter, less spicy meals. And here's some diet ideas for you because they actually do help cool off your body. And when I say cool off your body, your heat and your irritability, these help with. So you want to favor sweet, bitter, and astringent tastes. And those are leafy greens, cucumber, coconut, melons, mint, and cilantro. Those are all cooling foods. When you feel anger, your temperature rising, favor those sweet, bitter, and astringent tastes. Try and cut back on foods like chili, garlic, excess salt, fried foods, alcohol, and caffeine. These are all heating foods, and they will make you more reactive. And that is the truth. Try and eat at regular times and avoid skipping meals. Hunger itself spikes irritability. You know that hangry word? Hangry, that's a real thing. Try not to let yourself get there. And choose room temperature or slightly cool foods over very hot or spicy ones. And maybe these won't solve the problem, but they will definitely help settle your nervous system enough that you respond instead of react. And I have noticed something in my own life, and that is diet definitely does influence irritability, mood, and how easily we become angry. Years ago, when my diet was full of sugar, soda, and processed foods, I've told you that before, I seemed to live closer to my boiling point on a daily basis. I wasn't exploding at people because I always stayed really active. So I had that as an outlet. But looking back, I know that my nervous system never truly felt calm. It never felt calm and it never got to get calm. And today, like I have said before, I'm still a work in progress, but I am telling you, I eat a lot cleaner and I notice a humongous difference. Today I would consider myself at a simmer, maybe a higher simmer, but if I go on a sugar bench, if I have a couple of sodas in a week or a few extra cookies in the week, I feel it immediately. If you see that kids respond and get angry quick, take a look at their diet. If they're eating a lot of sugar, if they're eating a lot of processed foods, just take a look at the diet. For me, I think that is the problem. I think my diet was the problem. What we eat can influence how easily anger response is triggered, for sure. Now, diet doesn't create anger, but it does affect your patience, your resilience, and your ability to regulate your emotions. Food high in added sugar can cause rapid spikes and crashes in your blood sugar, leaving you feeling irritable, impatient, and very short-tempered. And the same thing again can happen if you skip meals and your blood sugar drops too low. Diets and high-processed foods have also been linked to increased inflammation and poorer mental health, which makes it more difficult to manage stress, regulate your emotions, and respond calmly instead of reacting with anger. The healthier and more stable that we keep our bodies, the easier it is for our minds to stay balanced too. And don't underestimate hydration. Hydration. Even mild dehydration is a stress on your body. Dehydration raises your cortisol, so it's similar to a stress response. It also causes headaches, low energy, it causes fatigue, which of course all lower your tolerance for frustration. And then voila, anger follows close behind. Dehydration is no bueno. A friendly reminder: it is best to sip warm or room temperature water throughout your day. Ice cold water and drinks disrupt your digestion and directly increase your irritability. Every little thing helps. So just sip warm or room temperature water throughout the day. Try and avoid ice cold water and drinks. Okay, just sip on that nice room temperature water all day long. Keep yourself hydrated. So eating regular meals, eating whole foods, and staying hydrated, these are the simplest and most physical ways to lower your baseline reactivity. Something else that we need to understand about anger is that it can become a pattern. Anger can become a pattern in the same way any repeated response becomes wired into your brain. And that's through practice. Your brain becomes efficient at what it repeats. It's designed to learn. So every time you respond to a trigger with anger, that response gets a little stronger. And your brain doesn't distinguish between a helpful habit and a harmful one. It just reinforces whatever gets repeated. So the more often anger is your go-to response, whether that be in traffic, to your kids not listening, the faster and more automatically it fires the next time. And sometimes anger can even feel rewarding. Not because anger feels good, but because anger releases a gener adrenaline and can temporarily bring you a sense of power, control, or release when you feel hurt, threatened, or powerless. And that temporary relief can reinforce the reaction, making it easier to go back to the same response the next time you feel triggered. But the good news is your brain is adaptable. Just as you can strengthen an angry reaction, you can also strengthen a calmer one. So pause, take a break. Remember, this is the moment you choose to respond instead of react. Every time you interrupt the old pattern, you are teaching your brain a new way forward. Remember, in closing here, anger is a normal human response. It can protect you, it can motivate you, and it will help you recognize when something needs your attention. The problem is when anger overstays its welcome. When you live in a constant state of anger, it keeps activating the body's stress response without allowing your body to return to a calm state. And over time, chronic stress takes its toll on your body, contributing to the elevated blood pressure, increased inflammation, headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, poor sleep. It basically affects your overall emotional well-being. The goal here isn't to become someone who never gets angry. That's impossible. That is an impossibility. The goal is to become someone who understands why they are angry before they react. And the healthiest thing you can do is learn how to care for the system creating the response, which is your nervous system, your body and your daily habits. That is the system creating the response. Your nervous system, your body, and your daily habits. Because you may not always be able to control what you feel, but you can learn to manage yourself. And remember this: anger isn't something that appears out of nowhere. It is influenced by what happened to you, what you are thinking, what you are eating, and even how well you have taken care of your body. Anger. That's all I have for today. I hope you learned something. Thank you again for listening, and I will talk to you next week. And until next week, live in gratitude, keep on moving, and go live your best day yet. Enjoy. If you enjoyed this episode and just can't wait to hear and learn more, don't forget to subscribe to the Aging Mask, a lifestyle medicine podcast wherever you listen to podcasts. I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode. So please leave a review on the Aging Mask Instagram. Or if you don't have socials or you're taking a break, feel free to text me at the Aging Mask 949 236 1529. We can talk about this episode or any of my prior episodes. Let's have a conversation. I am here. I'm ready to listen. I want to listen, and I would love to help where I can. Talk to you next week.