Solitude to Strength: Mastering Health and Happiness

In this episode I introduce you to Jacob Lewis, a pastor and Fit Body client. We dive into a heart-to-heart on the silent epidemic of loneliness and its surprising link to health and fitness. Listen along as we chat about how friendships not only enrich our lives but become the bedrock for maintaining our wellbeing.

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Transcript

Health, Fitness, and Overcoming Loneliness

Speaker 1 0:00

Friends, you are in for a treat. Today. I have the pleasure of sitting down with a good friend of mine, jacob Lewis, who is the pastor of the church that I go to an amazing client at our Westside location, and we are diving deep in helping us understand how we can achieve our health and fitness goals by learning to overcome loneliness. Let's dive in to today's episode, jacob, what is going on, my man? Welcome to the show, thank you so much.

Speaker 1 0:50

This is exciting, Dude, this is so exciting. I remember talking with you about wanting to launch a podcast and I found out through that that you have a podcast. I just love it. There's nothing better than finding out that you have a podcast all about Mountain Dew.

Speaker 2 1:10

Yeah, yeah, and that probably goes very against your audience of what you're trying to do here with Fit and Healthy Soup Balls. I appreciate you even mentioning that it's a thing, but here's the thing, and we're open about this. On the podcast oh yeah, the only time Mountain Dew is in my fridge is when we do the podcast. Like I don't regularly drink Mountain Dew, I can't imagine like every day drinking down multiple Mountain Dews. I think if in a bottle it's like 147% of your daily sugar, it's wild, isn't that?

Speaker 1 1:44

unreal, that's wild, isn't that unreal that's wild 147%. I just remember when Mountain Dew was Mountain Dew and then it finally came out, I believe with Baja Blast.

Speaker 2 1:54

Yes, code Red was the first. Oh, yeah, yeah, code Red Code.

Speaker 1 1:58

Red. And so when I found out that you had a podcast, I was like that is interesting. But anyways, let's dive into quickly just how we met man, and I'd love to just share that story a little bit, because I think that that wasn't an accident by any means. And so, for those of you watching listening, just to give you a little backstory on how Jacob and I ever even met. My wife and I, like many couples, we reached a point in our marriage where we were struggling and we wanted to do better, and we were working really hard to do better together and we came to a point where we wanted to find a church home. That was our church home and that we could really reestablish on a new foundation, just a new chapter in our life. And at that time we ended up walking into Embrace on well, I don't even know what street it's on.

Speaker 2 2:59

Surely.

Speaker 1 3:00

Surely on Shirley, over there on the west side by the Menards um the Sertoma campus and um. The first day that we walked in um, mel and I met you, yeah and um, at the time you weren't actually even the campus pastor yet, like it was just during the transition, just as that transition was happening.

Speaker 2 3:19

Yeah. The associate campus pastor was about to become the campus pastor. Yeah.

Speaker 1 3:23

And uh, mel and I went to the connections stand afterwards first timer because we needed that coffee mug which we have at home. And then you reached out to us and, literally, like we went to church on Sunday and the next week we found ourselves all three of us meeting up having coffee.

Speaker 1 3:42

Yeah At the box At Starbucks on 41st and I tell you what, literally from that moment on I feel like our friendship kind of kicked off and I didn't know exactly where it would go. I mean, I've never had like a. I've always known the pastor of my church, I've always been able to chat with them and know them, but I've never had like a friendship with the pastor of my church. And so it's been awesome. I'm just getting to know you and Allison and Mel and the kids. It's just been a joy. And shortly after that come to find out Jacob's trying our West side gym.

Speaker 2 4:21

Yeah, at Fit Body, at Fit Body. I just want to say too, that is like the greatest compliment you can give me, because what I'm hoping people hear is not all pastors are weird. Yeah, yeah, well, I don't know, maybe you're like actually. Well, don't say that you are weird I mean no, believe it or not. We don't just like sit in a white room when we go home with a cross on the wall and do nothing, Like we're real people with real lives.

Speaker 1 4:49

And that's one of the honestly the best things that really I have been able to find, and I know that we're not diving into a relationship with Christ podcast right now. However, I just want to say that that's been one of the best things I've found recently with my walk with Christ is just that it's a real relationship and in real relationships you struggle, and so it's been awesome to walk through that with you, jacob, and to be able to give you a phone call and say, hey, what are you doing?

Speaker 2 5:21

And you're like well, I got time to chat.

Speaker 1 5:24

Next thing. You know we're just chatting about life and it's not always just a I have all the answers. It's like man, I've actually struggled with X, Y or Z. This is how we can walk through this and it's been awesome. Yeah, and really that's how this podcast episode came to be.

Speaker 1 5:41

Yeah, I had called Jacob one day. I was actually I was going to the day I called you when we were like, hey, we should do a podcast episode on that. I was actually going to meet with LifeLight and chat with them about if there's any way at their next festival that we could somehow have like a fitness something at the festival. So I was there, I called Jacob and just let him know some cool things are happening in my life. And as we were talking, we were talking about health, fitness relationships and just how lonely people are in today's day and age.

Speaker 1 6:16

Yes, and then Jacob had mentioned he's like I think we should shoot an episode. He goes cause, as I've been on my health and fitness journey, I have found that when I'm alone, I can tend to eat whatever and there's no accountability to it. Yes, absolutely. And so dive in a little bit, Jacob, as to what you were kind of sharing with me originally, before you kind of pulled up some stats? Yeah, or are you sharing with me that day about kind of loneliness and eating and accountability? Yeah, Walk through that road with us, yeah.

Speaker 2 6:50

I think. I just think I think when, when we're approaching, so I also I kind of kind of interesting backstory on this too is I studied in college exercise, science and nutrition, and so, like all this stuff has always fascinated me a lot, science and nutrition and so, like all this stuff has always fascinated me a lot like working out all those things have been a part of my life and I'll be the first sucker to absolutely admit that, like when a new health trend comes up, when a new supplement comes up, when a new band that does, this like, I am that guy who the ad targets and I'm that guy who then tries it, cause I'm like, oh, they did it.

Speaker 2 7:24

Like this is the thing, yeah, is it ever the thing? Cj, no, no, it's not. No, it never is no, um, and, and so I think a lot of the approaches to like eating well, it's usually in the form of like eat this, don't eat that, eat it this time, fast, then fast there, and I I've never really heard anyone talk about a social component of eating. Yeah, but that is such a real thing when it comes to eating. I mean, for as long as humans have been around, a staple piece of our culture has been gathering together around tables to eat together. Yeah, right, after a wedding is done, what do you all do? Yeah, you all go and you sit around a table and you eat food together to celebrate the thing that just happened.

Speaker 1 8:08

Yeah.

Speaker 2 8:08

And so I'd never thought about a social component to it, and as I was driving one day, it just popped in my head. I'm like so oftentimes the time when I'm most susceptible to eat poorly, it's when I'm alone.

Speaker 1 8:24

Yeah.

Speaker 2 8:28

And most of the time, even more specifically because of the reason I thought of it it was in my car. Was it happens in my car, in your car, in the car? Yep, and I just thought it'd be fun to ask a question of both of us right now. Yeah, what is the thing that you know in the back of your head? It's that like dirty little secret guilty pleasure. What is the thing that you know in the back of your head? It's that like dirty little secret guilty pleasure. What is the thing that you are most likely to.

Speaker 1 8:48

I call it shame eating.

Speaker 2 8:49

Yeah, Because we've all been there. Where we get something, we get some type of food and we don't want anyone to see what we're eating. So we just scarf it down in our car really fast. What would be the thing that you'd be most likely to shame eat?

Speaker 1 8:59

Okay, so there's a couple. But the thing that popped into my head and I have to, I actually have shared this story with a couple of people before yeah, my wife and I, after we had a big Thanksgiving workout it was Thanksgiving day Every grocery store in town was closed, except for Sunshine downtown Okay, sunshine. So we got done at Fit Body. We both worked out, the other coaches were coaching. So my wife and I worked out and we stopped at Fit Body. We both worked out, the other coaches were coaching, my wife and I worked out and we stopped at Sunshine downtown. And I don't know what the topic of conversation was or why this came to be, but Little Debbie, zebra cakes or tree cakes or whatever the little cakes are of.

Speaker 1 9:40

Little Debbie's was kind of the topic of discussion, okay. Our little debbies, yeah, was kind of the topic of discussion okay, um, which we actually, at fit body, got these like um sweatshirts with, uh that the little debbie christmas tree and it says, uh something with like the fit body logo on a satchel of that tree and it says out here, just looking like a snack so, so we got those, those sweatshirts.

Speaker 1 10:00

But my wife and I stopped at sunshine downtown to pick up something for a thanksgiving meal. Yeah, and my wife and I stopped at Sunshine Downtown to pick up something for Thanksgiving meal. And my wife and I are like you'd think, if we bought this little Debbie's box of Christmas trees, that we could eat the whole thing before we get home and throw it away so that the kids didn't know that we got these little Debbie cakes.

Speaker 1 10:24

And so there might be definitely other things, but that's the first thing that popped in my head, because we legitimately I think there's six or something in a box and we unwrapped six individual cakes and like we're fitness people and we are like down in these things on the way home and when we get home we stop in the driveway before we pull in the garage and we throw the box and all the little wrappers I'd shoved back in the box in the garbage and my wife and I are like success.

Speaker 2 10:54

The kids will never know, they'll never know we feel awful right now, but they'll never know.

Speaker 1 11:02

Yeah, our stomachs are like gurgling.

Speaker 2 11:03

It was like, oh, we just ate all that sugar Because you admittedly you admitted to me before like you tend to be more of the sweet tooth weakness oh dude Than anything else. Oh yeah, so shame, eating in the car most likely going to be something sweet.

Speaker 1 11:18

Yeah, actually, another one is a Snickers.

Speaker 2 11:21

Snickers.

Speaker 1 11:21

Snickers, snickers, I will definitely yeah Gas station.

Speaker 2 11:25

Yeah.

Speaker 1 11:25

Snickers or a Butterfinger Yep, or a Reese's. Yeah, it's a bad deal, man. And then I'll take it and I will shove that wrapper in my door, uh-huh. And then the next time I'm getting gas, that wrapper's coming out before my kids are like Dad, oh.

Speaker 2 11:39

Do you want a candy bar? Yeah, that's good. My mine is it. I don't even have to think about it, it's so easy to me.

Speaker 2 11:47

The, the creme de la creme, the, the peak of fast food is taco bell taco bell if, if you're gonna catch me in a parking lot shame eating in my car it's most likely taco bell. Taco bell because I'm like the box literally has a sodium warning on it. It's like what you're about to eat might kill you. They literally put it on the box for you. But I'm like, yeah, I'd like to see it. Try, come at me, taco Bell. I'm going to eat this right now in my car.

Speaker 2 12:19

Like easily. That is my shame, eating go-to. But yeah, I started thinking about that more and more and it really got me thinking like we we've lost that in our culture in a lot of ways. The idea of gathering together and actually eating with people, like I even think about. Like the person who works typical nine to five in an office maybe you're in meetings all day, whatever it is A lot of times then what, what, what people will do on their lunch break is like I've been interacting with people. I don't want to interact with anyone. I'm going to go eat alone right now.

Speaker 2 12:50

And sometimes like, is that a great way to like just kind of relax for a moment? For sure, but again, it's just another thing that drives us to constantly eat alone. And there's one moment that sticks out in my mind that like really hammered this home With doing what I do. At one point a couple of years ago, I was sitting in a room of like 25 eighth grade boys yeah, Okay, yeah and we were talking about community and being together, all those things and I just happened to throw out the question hey, how many of you would say you regularly gather together and eat with your family?

Speaker 1 13:22

Yeah.

Speaker 2 13:23

And not a single kid raised their hand.

Speaker 1 13:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2 13:27

Out of 25 eighth graders representing 25 families. And I'm just like man we've, we've, we've lost that, that gathering together Cause. Truly, I think when you gather together you, you eat healthier, you don't eat as much. You're talking to people. There's so many benefits to gathering together in that way and it's just like man. I don't feel like we're talking about that social component of eating very much. Yeah.

Speaker 1 13:52

Yeah, and to that point like even taking it back to your, your car talk, if you are. I know for a fact like on Fridays I always hang out with my good buddy, mick. He's my best friend and and he knows my desires for health and fitness, to like be healthy and to be fit Like I am way, way, way less likely to if we stop and get gas, run into the gas station and grab a Snickers when he's with me than if I'm by myself. Yeah, because to that point it's like we will let ourselves down way faster and way more than we will let someone else down, absolutely, yeah, absolutely yeah.

Speaker 2 14:33

I mean like, even even if it looked like maybe you do work in that office setting and it's just like grabbing one person, you know that you, that you like maybe you get along with, to be like hey would like, would you just want to like do your lunches with me? We didn't have to like talk the whole time or anything. Maybe we do scroll on our phones for a little bit, but, like, like I want you to know this is what I'm trying to do with my health, right? Yeah, like exactly what you said. When we eat together, there's accountability and so that person's going to know. It's like you've got health goals and Gary brought in 24 donuts today and you're just kind of, you know, staring over at them, looking at them. It's like, hey, like we're just going to eat our lunches, like they can be that accountability person for you because, as much as we'd love to think, we are just so awesome we can do it all on our own.

Speaker 2 15:18

We let ourselves down on our, on our nutrition goals all the time, all the time all the time, all the time, and so if you actually had someone else in your corner, whether that be your family, your friends, your, your roommate, if you're in college, like whatever it is man, to have someone who's like we're going to eat together and because reading together.

Speaker 1 15:37

I'm going to keep you on track as well.

Speaker 1 15:38

Such a benefit there's. There's like definitely twofold to that, because I have I have also worked with clients where I have seen that work to to their um downfall as well, where cause there's one point that what you said is you need to not only eat with someone but share your goals with them and make sure that that you can get a confirmation that they will help you work towards your goals, because otherwise, a lot of times too, you can end up eating with people and maybe they don't have the same goals as you and they don't know what your goal is, and now it almost is like they shame you. So you need to make sure that you are sharing your goals with the people that you you have around you. But we've also lived in the place where it's like don't share your goals with those around you. But we've also lived in the place where it's like don't share your goals with those around you that aren't also doing the same thing as you, because if you don't achieve it, then they're going to just judge you.

Speaker 2 16:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1 16:33

You know, yep, that's huge. So we just, we, we just shut it down. Yeah, we eat alone, and then we don't tell anyone about our goals.

Speaker 2 16:40

Yep.

Speaker 1 16:40

And then, because no one's eating with us and they don't know about our goals, we're then like, well, forget about it, I'm going to eat X, y or Z, because you know what. You know what that Taco Bell does in the moment. It makes you feel good.

Speaker 2 16:53

In the moment, yeah, in the moment.

Speaker 1 16:57

And the second you crumple that bag up and then you go throw it away. You're like, why did I do that? Why did I do that? Yep, the little Debbie's. The second I threw that in there I was like, yeah, pulled that one over my kids, but why did I do that? Yeah, Yep. You know it's the same thing.

Speaker 2 17:11

And I I think you hit on like one of, like the one of one of the biggest lies.

Speaker 2 17:16

I think that really prevents many of us from developing those deeper friendships now, and I think we're probably going to get into friendships along with the eating stuff here, because I think it plays so hand in hand but, like, one of the biggest lies that I feel like prevents us from deepening those friendships is exactly what you said If I told them what I'm going through, they would judge me. Yeah, and I know that I'm just one person sitting here, but I can say one of the greatest things for so many of my friendships have been choosing to go first in vulnerability, because someone's got to go first, someone's got to do it, going first in vulnerability and sharing those things. And I can tell you confidently, if you had to guess percentage-wise, how many of those people have actually judged me when I've told them those things, what would your guess be? Yeah, none zero, none.

Speaker 2 18:07

And, in fact, most of the time, what happens is they go. I struggle with that exact same thing. Yeah, cause we're all humans. We're all human. We're all humans and like, they will literally look you right in the eye and they'll be like man like yeah, me too.

Speaker 1 18:20

Yeah, and I think that this is totally off topic. A little bit brain thought that went through my head. I don't think right here, right now, we should take for granted the fact that we can say we're all humans, Because I feel like in 10 years I might be sitting next to a robot.

Speaker 2 18:34

That's true, and I won't even know.

Speaker 1 18:36

That's true. I am like 95 to 99% confident.

Speaker 2 18:41

Yeah.

Speaker 1 18:42

That everybody I'm interacting with is, at this point in time still a human. So I'm going to hang on to that and I'm going to actually celebrate the fact that we can say that right now.

Speaker 2 18:53

That's a good side tangent. There's a new show on Netflix right now. It's called the Magic Prank Show. Okay, dude, you have to watch it.

Speaker 1 19:00

Magic Prank Show.

Speaker 2 19:01

It is so funny and one of the pranks they do it's like siblings getting back at each other and one of the siblings is so scared of robots and like technology moving forward and knowing things about us. Yeah, so they literally set up this elaborate prank where they like put together this like very realistic robot looking person, they misdirect him so that then they flip the thing and it is a real person and then like the real person like sits down in front of him and like starts telling him things about his life and he's like like it's, it's amazing, You've got to go watch that show. That's funny.

Speaker 1 19:36

So good, that is funny. So that was definitely my um, I don't even know ADHD, ADD, some of my issue that I have in life where? That's where my brain went. When you said that we're all human, for some reason, my brain just said we shouldn't take that for granted. Thank goodness, Thank goodness, Thank goodness, right here, right now, we are all still human.

Speaker 1 19:57

Yes, absolutely, but to that point you're right, and we all struggle with something, and I think that's one of the best things. Relating it back to the fact that you're my pastor at Embrace Church, I think that's one of the things that has really been able to help me connect with you is that we've been able to connect in a way where we're human. And just because you're a pastor and just because I'm trying to live right with God doesn't mean we always do yeah, and so let's discuss this and the same with your health and fitness. Just because I'm a gym owner absolutely does not mean that I've got it all figured out. Yeah Does not mean that I don't struggle with wanting to eat all the donuts and all the things that are not good for you. Yeah, it's still a real thing that I struggle with just because I'm a gym owner.

Speaker 2 20:48

Yeah, absolutely, and I just think the story around loneliness right now is the fact that you'll hear this phrase all the time. It's like we live in the most connected society ever, and yet people are lonelier than ever.

Speaker 2 21:07

Yeah, and yet people are lonelier than ever. Yeah, and just even in some of my research, cnn Health did a whole workup on this and they basically said that one in every four adults like even if you just picture, like picturing, you know a gym session, a really hopping gym session where there's 35 people in there. If you look around that room, one in every four of them is dealing with like real deal loneliness. Yeah, yes, and and the numbers, I mean the numbers just keep going up and climbing and climbing and climbing. I thought I thought I thought this was really, I thought this was really interesting too. This is kind of a side tangent as well, yeah, but I I was reading a book called the last arrow by Erwin McManus, and one of the things he said in it which I think plays into why our culture is where it's at in terms of loneliness.

Speaker 2 21:55

He said one of the most damaging things that we've done as a society is we've started to move. Like, when he says move like literally move our lives, like I'm moving to Texas Yep, moving because of opportunities and not people, and so it's like, well, they're going to pay me $25,000 more. So, even though I have this great community of people here, the thing that really actually enriches my life and makes it good. I'm just going to throw all that away in an instant because they're going to pay me $25,000 more. You get to Texas and you're like I'm lonely, lonely, yeah, and that's what we do typically. A lot of times, you know, it's like that has become the higher priority, even over the people in our lives, when, really, when we lay our heads down at night, we want to know that we're loved.

Speaker 1 22:42

Yeah.

Speaker 2 22:43

We want to know that people actually care about us, that we're not alone, you know. But we'll prioritize the opportunity and not the people.

Speaker 1 22:52

Yeah, you know that's wild, but that's so true, yeah, so true. And I and I feel like that you know I've I've shared a bit with my story with you over these last four years I've been working for HQ and I feel like I even unintentionally, I feel like and that's another thing too I feel like a lot of times, as humans, we do things totally unintentionally.

Speaker 1 23:10

So, like chasing that opportunity you may have totally unintentionally, like forgot out the people, Like I can guarantee you. You never thought, well, I'm going to throw away my relationships for this opportunity. You thought like, oh, we'd still stay connected.

Speaker 2 23:26

But the truth is, you don't, you don't actively think about it that way, right, but that's what happens.

Speaker 1 23:30

That is what happens and I feel like that actually happened to me a little bit unintentionally is I was trying so hard to, you know, help Fit Body as a brand and make my way in the corporate setting. That that opportunity Honestly, it made me disconnect with our clients. It made me disconnect with my family. It put so much the opportunity to make more money, which I thought would be the thing that would help my family have a better life because we could then do more things actually became the thing that like stressed me out to the point where I was too tired to do the things and, as it relates to talking about like nutrition and eating right, I would be too overwhelmed to meal prep, too overwhelmed to worry about. Like I know absolutely all the things that I need to do in order to hit my fitness and fat loss goals. I know them at the back of my hand and I can help anybody with them, but it still comes to me myself and I doing them.

Speaker 2 24:33

Yeah.

Speaker 1 24:33

If I'm mentally drained because I'm chasing opportunity.

Speaker 2 24:38

I don't do them. Yeah, yep, that's so real.

Speaker 1 24:41

Yeah.

Speaker 2 24:42

And the more, the more we fill our lives up, the busier we are. I mean, it's like you say anything. You say how are you doing, how's it going? When you meet anyone, you see anyone on the street, wherever it is, what's the first thing they're going to say to you almost every time. Oh man busy.

Speaker 1 25:00

Oh busy, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 25:00

Good, and then busy yeah. Then maybe just a little bit of our Midwestern politeness too.

Speaker 1 25:05

That's our that's our go-to it's like good.

Speaker 2 25:08

Oh yeah, it's just busy, just busy, and we both know the busier we are, the more on the run we constantly are. What's the easiest food? Yeah, fast food and unhealthy food. There it is, it's everywhere. There, it is right there. Like that, that is the easiest go-to. That's what we'll end up doing. We know the health effects of those food. We're going to feel more drained, less energy. We're just going to feel gross, you know, and then we're not motivated to do other intentional things in our life.

Speaker 1 25:38

You know, we're just not, and so that.

Speaker 2 25:40

I mean that on the go-ness, that, that busyness, it, it. It is really hard to overcome. Like I don't downplay that, you know, we're in the midst of launching a new building right now. We're actually moving buildings and it's like it is a wildly busy season. It really is, yeah. But what I find is, if I really really examine my time, even in a busy season, there's still time. Yeah, there's still time. There is People always. There's still time, yeah.

Speaker 1 26:07

There's still time, there is.

Speaker 2 26:08

People always, you know the go-to is always like why don't you look at your screen time, you know, and you're like, oh, surely it's what 20 minutes today. And then you look at it, it's like two hours Right.

Speaker 1 26:17

Wow, Seems like maybe you could have used that two hours for something you know, or two minutes here or there on that screen time, walking here, walking there, like it adds up to so much, and then it's like if it was really one or two minutes on the screen, how many minutes did that occupy your mind?

Speaker 2 26:38

Yeah.

Speaker 1 26:38

Right, yep. And then it's just being prepared, too, to know, like, cause we one thing I don't care how busy you are, you have to eat.

Speaker 2 26:45

Like, if you don't eat you die Yep.

Speaker 1 26:50

Like you are, you have to eat. If you don't eat, you die. Yep. Like you need fuel, yep. And so what happens is we get busy and we don't prioritize making sure that we have our food prep planned, ready to go, yeah.

Speaker 2 26:58

And then we, we grab what is everywhere which is unhealthy food yep exactly yeah and yeah, like I, I don't want to, I don't want to play it up to where. It's like when people think about eating together, they think about like all the the perfect, perfect spread is out with with candles, and like you've been working on this food all day, like, no. Like when my family eats together, like most of the time, it's like, oh, all right, we just microwaved three meal prep containers and now we're sitting at the table together and it might literally be cause I have young kids. It might literally be seven and a half minutes. Yeah, but man, it's so worth it. It's so worth it to gather together like that. Did you grow up in a family that typically ate around the table?

Speaker 1 27:39

Yeah, yeah. So I don't have any siblings, I'm the only child and in growing up, having my dad kind of there for dinner was really kind of hit or miss until I was about 11, 12. And then he was there more on a regular basis for dinners. But me and my mom and honestly too, we kind of were that household like we would have, even when the neighbor kids we'd always have dinner at the table and it was something that we always did. Yeah.

Speaker 2 28:06

That's cool. That's cool. There was another kind of crazy stat just like even. I think if you told people this 50, 60, 70 years ago, they'd be shocked by this. But this is a University of Oxford study. More than two thirds of those, so that's 69% of people questioned in this study had never shared a meal with any of their neighbors. It's about three quarters of people and I mean, I think that's even real, Like we. Just we don't know our neighbors anymore.

Speaker 1 28:34

No, no, and I can tell you like growing up I lived on Roll Drive. It's actually on the East side, it's. It used to be behind a Sunshine, which is gone, and now there's a Pizza Ranch and all Vernity moved. I don't even actually know what's there. There's a Planet Fitness there now. Pizza Ranch, Planet Fitness and Dollar Tree took over that building. Yeah, we lived right behind it. It was Roll Drive and I tell you what we knew the whole street. Yep, Like neighbor Evelyn was across the street from me. She was like my built-in grandma, across the street. I had Mitch and Dana they the street. I had Mitch and Dana. They lived next to me and they were like my pseudo parents. When my parents maybe needed someone to watch me, they were always there. My best friend Jake lived right down the block, my good buddy Anthony, and like we did, we knew the whole block. But since I've been an adult, I've now lived.

Speaker 1 29:23

This is now my third neighborhood that we live in and I have not even myself myself gotten to know the neighborhood yeah maybe knew one or two people in my, in my, my last neighborhood yeah but even now it's like I barely know the neighbors, but that's like the norm. Yeah, that's the norm. The new people move in.

Speaker 1 29:43

It's like maybe if you've been there for a while you know a couple neighbors. It's like, hey, do we know those guys? I don't know. Yeah, go ask, go find out. Like back in the day, go meet him the day they moved in you seen the U-Haul pull up or the Penske truck or whatever it was. He's like the neighbor was bringing over brownies.

Speaker 2 30:04

Yep.

Speaker 1 30:04

But Zero yeah.

Speaker 2 30:06

Zero trust. And it's like when you think about like actually planning, like eating with other people outside of your family, even what would be the easiest people to eat with, it'd be your neighbors. Because how often do we feel that guilt trip of like, oh man, like I want to ask CJ and Mel to come for dinner, but like I don't want to ask them to like drive 20 minutes and do this and then you just talk yourself out of it. But if someone's literally right next door to you and you know them and you call them a friend, that's so easy to go. Hey, we're grilling burgers in the back right now. You guys just want to hop on over and eat some burgers so easy. And boom you're. You're eating with people, you're developing friendships. Like man, get, get to know your neighbors. Now I'm not saying that there's not some sketchy neighbors out there.

Speaker 2 30:50

Oh yeah, it's like maybe meet everyone else, but maybe not Not the sketchy ones. Yeah, maybe not them, but, like for the most part, like you know, like he actually just moved, but there's a Marine named Tim who lived next door to us. He was absolutely awesome and I'd chat with him and stuff.

Speaker 1 31:11

It feels good to know your neighbors, it does.

Speaker 2 31:14

It really does feel good to know your neighbors. It does. That would have been the most common thing in the world 60 years ago to say do you share meals with your neighbors?

Speaker 1 31:23

All the time.

Speaker 2 31:23

All the time.

Speaker 1 31:25

All the time. Yeah, it's come a long way from that. I remember growing up, too, with like block parties were a real thing, like you'd block off the street and all the neighbors would like. This day, all the neighbors are getting together and I think that's actually something that really, as it pertains like, if you just look at our culture, we're getting more and more unhealthy. We're getting more and more unhealthy. We're getting more and more isolated. And we used to be more active. We used to be more connected, we used to be more willing to get out and move.

Speaker 1 31:55

Because now, even till you get home, you just sit, you sit on your couch, sit on your chair. Yeah, people aren't doing the things anymore. But if you can get out, move your body, meet your neighbors, share accountability with them. Like, hey, this is why. Like like man, I see you every morning. You're like leaving before the neighborhood's even up, like what's up? I'm going to the gym, yeah, and you're sharing then like this is why and this is what. And now it's like oh, I didn't see you leave today, yeah, and even that little conversation with your neighbor is like oh, they know it.

Speaker 2 32:25

So you still go to the gym, yeah, and then boom, even in that moment, you're you're accountable.

Speaker 1 32:29

Oh, I'm going tomorrow. Yeah, go tomorrow. Oh, shoot, no, I haven't been.

Speaker 2 32:32

Yeah, I'm like yeah, it hits you immediately.

Speaker 1 32:35

Because when you have more connections, more people in your life, yeah. You know, but that leads me to the question it's like okay, so someone that is struggling loneliness it's not like they're struggling knowing they're lonely like they they're, they're lonely, yep. So it would seem obvious like go get a friend yeah, but clearly that isn't.

Speaker 1 32:57

That's not happening, yeah, and in in the society in which we live in, it's making it more difficult for that, yeah. So like, how do we, how do we break out of this culture of like loneliness, not sharing our goals? Like, how do we change?

Speaker 2 33:10

that, yeah, it's a. It's a great question. I mean the, the, the gut answer that immediately comes up, and like I'm speaking from all of this from the perspective, again, of, like my job is mostly people, like the people who who attend the church that I work at, and so like that, like that's my whole world all the time is people and hopefully connecting people or helping people take next steps all the time. And the thing that comes to mind to me, that my gut instinct is just to say, like you have to take a chance. Yeah, like I don't really see any other way of that happening unless you take a chance. Yeah. So it's like you hear that your office is putting together a volleyball team for sand volleyball this summer, and normally you go well.

Speaker 2 33:55

I don't really do that. Yeah, take a chance. Yeah, you may not know them super well, but if you're lonely, yeah man, what a great. You're going to go on every Tuesday night and hang out with some people. Every Tuesday night and hang out with some people, and maybe afterwards they'll go get a drink or some appetizers somewhere, and boom, you're spending time with people.

Speaker 1 34:12

Yep, yep, and I think to that point, it's good to just be aware that if you are someone watching and listening to this and you are struggling with loneliness, I want to like have you prepare your mind, prepare yourself that unfortunately, you may get rejected, it may not go well, it may not be what you were hoping, but I don't want that to discourage you.

Speaker 1 34:39

I don't want that to be the thing, because and this is one thing that I've really had to like remind myself and as cause, obviously Fit Body is a people gym. Like, we're not just a 24 seven, you know, workout on your own. We are a people gym. Yep, and as much as myself and my team work to make sure that we give every person that walks through our door an amazing experience, that we greet them, that we learn their name and the next time they walk in, we're greeting them by name, yeah, like, as much as we try to do that and we strive to do that, we are still humans and we still fail. You know, and I even think that too, about the church man, like, I'm so thankful that my first interaction at Embrace, mel and I got connected with you. Out of anyone that we could have, it was you. And then, next thing you know, three days later we're going to grab coffee. Was you.

Speaker 1 35:28

And then next thing you know, three days later we're going to grab coffee Like I'm very thankful that that happened to me, but I know that there's probably many others out there that that wasn't the case. Not that that wasn't, but that isn't the case as it pertains to FitBody or the church or the thing that they're trying to go get connected in, but I don't want it to discourage them.

Speaker 2 35:45

You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 35:45

Because then you're stuck even feeling like well, I tried it, it doesn't work, yeah, try again. Yep, try again.

Speaker 2 35:53

And I think a good self-check, for that is like I love the phrase. There's a guy on staff who he I'm trying to think of the exact way he phrases the question he says, like what's the story you're telling yourself in your mind? You know, yeah, and I think we have to kind of like test some of those feelings, like sometimes it's obvious, right, let's say you go to that, that volleyball thing, and they are completely rude to you. Yeah, it's like just not an environment you like to be in. Yeah, maybe the way that they're talking, treating people, whatever, yeah, and you just know, yeah, but sometimes it's it maybe just isn't like, maybe it just didn't go absolutely perfectly, yeah, so then the story we tell ourselves in our mind is, yeah, that that wasn't good. They don't like me, no one ever said that. Yeah, no one ever said that.

Speaker 1 36:42

Yeah.

Speaker 2 36:43

But that's immediately when we start telling ourselves. And then we just talk ourselves right out of it, right out of it, and so like really asking that question, like is that just a story? I'm feeling a little bit insecure about taking this chance right now, or was it actually a really bad experience, right, you know? Because I think a lot of the times, if we're really honest, it's a story we're telling ourselves in our head.

Speaker 1 37:03

More time than more time than not. Yeah, because we and the crazy thing and I don't I don't remember the exact study, but it's that it was like when people have conversations it takes I was going to throw out some numbers, I know they're not exactly the right numbers, but let's say it takes normally 0.4 seconds for your brain to fully like once you're done talking. It would take me 0.4 seconds to fully like process what you just said, but then the study was done. The person receiving, like hearing what you say, they would normally respond in like 0.3. So if it takes the brain 0.4 seconds to fully process what happened, but you already have an answer with 0.3 seconds, then we're not even allowing our brain to fully process what just happened. And so, with that being said, like you may go into a situation and you're already telling yourself a story of how it's going to go, and so you already made up the story of how it went before you actually fully experienced it.

Take a Chance to Break Loneliness

Speaker 2 38:04

Yeah, that's a great point. Yeah, that is a great point. Yeah, I just keep thinking, like, take a chance. Like, even in the field of work I'm in like we have groups at the church and that can be an intimidating thing. Like you want me to go join a group where I don't know people. You got to take a chance. It's not going to happen any other way. You know, like you've just got to take that chance. There's so many. I mean like, if you really actually do the research and look for yourself, you can probably find some. Even if it's a really like niche hobby group. Yeah, Like you can find something for it. Yeah, you know it's like.

Speaker 2 38:45

I love playing board games Well over at the, trying to think of what the gaming story is over on the way like it's called like the dragon's dinner, so the well, the dragon's didn't has this like board gaming night and it's like, take a chance, yep, go, yep. But if we tell ourselves the story like it's not going to go, well, no one's going to like me. Blah, blah, blah, we won't, we won't do it. Yeah, so you got to take that chance if you want to start getting out of that that loneliness.

Speaker 1 39:09

You want to be around people and that's so true because I do. You can get out of loneliness and, as it pertains to your health and your fitness, find a group. And sometimes that can be very intimidating, because maybe the group of people that you have right now are not health and fitness people, yeah, and so now you're stuck. So that's not even related to loneliness, that's just related to health and fitness. For a quick second too. Maybe your group that you have are not health and fitness. For a quick second too, maybe your group that you have are not health and fitness focused people. So everything that we just said about trying to break out of loneliness also can be applied to trying to break out of being unhealthy. You have to take that chance and try to. Well, okay, there's this group that does this workout. I know they go work out at a certain time. I don't know if they'd really like accept me as part of their group, but I'm gonna go try it.

Speaker 1 39:58

Yeah, and it might not go well, yeah, but then you go try it, try somewhere else. Yeah, try something new Until you find it. And, and I'll be honest, like I've had quite a few um, actually guys in particular. Uh, tell me that you know, I tried fit body because I either met you or I had some, some lady friends that were doing it, and I did it more so just because, like I wanted to see what it was like and support them or you, and it's like then they tried it. It was like actually kind of having fun.

Speaker 1 40:27

Yeah, I'm actually gonna have a fun doing this 30 minute group fitness thing. And so and I'm not saying that Fit Body is going to be the thing it might not be, it might be something else, but you have to be willing to try new things and get out there, because that's what's going to get you moving, that's what's going to hold you accountable. And I like this saying you never know when you might meet your next best friend. Yeah, like because so many times you talk to like adults, it's like when's the last time you've met a best friend?

Speaker 2 40:58

Yeah.

Speaker 1 40:58

It's like man, my best friends are like from when I was in, like elementary school, like those are my best friends, yeah. But when I look at like like my best friend is Mick and I met him eight years ago when him and do a trial program at the gym, yeah, now my best friend. Yeah, like you didn't know that was going to happen, I know that's going to happen. Yeah, eight years ago. Absolutely Like it's just wild. Yeah, so take that chance, break out of the break out of the loneliness. Yeah, and man, I just I think it was awesome as you and I were talking and just realizing how how much like we'll let ourselves off the hook.

Speaker 2 41:36

Like yeah.

Speaker 1 41:37

I have these health and fitness goals. Yeah, even as it pertains to loneliness, like no one else knows, you're lonely, but you, unless you tell them Yep, unless you let them know.

Speaker 2 41:48

Yep.

Speaker 1 41:49

And so it's like get around people and you gotta be a little vulnerable, yes, you have to be.

Building Community and Connection Through Fitness

Speaker 2 41:55

Yep, do be, be that person who goes first. It can literally change a group of friends. I actually think about like cause I do. I mean, I think FitBody does such a great job of encouraging that and I always joke around. There's this, uh, there's this thing that we do after a workout where everybody claps together.

Speaker 2 42:12

And the intention is that people like get loud and like yelled. And it always makes me laugh, cause I'm always like I've never been more connected with someone in a different job before, because now you get to see what we experience at church. When we want people to get excited, they're like I will clap but I will not get excited. I'm like you guys. You guys feel it right now, you guys feel it, but, um, it is like you guys encourage the right things and while everyone may not do it, like you will see those success stories, I think about. There's a group of ladies, um, who goes to the typical time that I go to, um. I can shout out their names right now, but I don't know if it'd be kosher.

Speaker 2 42:53

I don't know if they want to be mentioned on a podcast? Yeah, but they probably know who they are. That's right. And like they went from being people who don't know each other Yep, one or two of them took a chance to start interacting with the other ones yeah, and pretty soon, almost every single workout, they're getting there and they're immediately talking yeah, and then, like two weeks ago, I heard, I overheard them. They were like planning, like going and getting a coffee together. Yeah, like the friendship had then like evolved, like even outside of the doors of the gym. But again, none of it would have happened unless someone literally just went up and said hey, what's your name? Right, and that's, that's it.

Speaker 2 43:30

That's taking the chance, yep a chance?

Speaker 1 43:35

Yep, you know, but somebody had to do it. Someone had to do it. So if you're watching or you're listening, why not? You Like, yeah, this could be your nudge to break out of loneliness, to break out of no accountability, to break out of not achieving the goals that you set.

Speaker 2 43:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1 43:52

Because you're going to take the chance. You're not going to just set the goal and not share the goal. Yeah, you're not going to be lonely and not tell someone. Yeah, you're going to try the thing. Yeah, yeah, and this has been great. This is just so good because the thing of it is that we never know is what someone else is walking through. You never know, yeah, but if you take that chance to be vulnerable, you might get shut down.

Speaker 1 44:19

You might get turned off or turned away, but you might just make a connection that changes your life forever.

Speaker 2 44:26

Exactly that. Is it right there? I mean, you know, sioux Falls fit and healthy. Sioux Falls Like this is an area that will bleed into all of the other areas in your fitness and wellness because it has such significant impacts on our mental health, right? So much like the the studies on it are staggering of what loneliness and isolation does to our mental health and we will go I don't want to do anything. Yeah, I'm not going to pursue those goals or anything like that.

Speaker 2 44:55

So it's like man like plan and plan a meal with someone like man. If someone's listening to this today and like yeah there's one thing that would just man fill me with joy. It would be like, yeah, we should just go. Like we actually do know our neighbors. We've never eaten with them, though we should just invite them. Like weather's starting to get nice.

Speaker 2 45:14

You don't even have to invite them in your house, you know, it's like I know that's a big thing, especially like again having young kids. It's like our house is a constant disaster, it's a mess. I don't want to bring them like. Have them in your backyard, Like grill some food out, have a meal with somebody. Bring people into your life, because community is so vitally important in almost every aspect of our lives. So there'd be faith, fitness, work, you know, work, culture, work, happiness, job satisfaction, whatever you want to call it Like yeah, it's everything.

Speaker 1 45:46

Yeah, yeah, this has been awesome. Jacob, I just appreciate you so much. I know you're launching a new location, new campus. Yeah, you guys are busy, but you took time out of your day to come here. I appreciate that because I know that somebody watching or listening this is going to be that little nudge that they're like you know what. I am going to go do this. I am going to say hey, even if it's us, even if it's Jacob or CJ, and it's like hey, I did listen to your guys' episode and I just want you to know, like, when are you going to the gym? Because I want to meet you there.

Speaker 2 46:23

Yeah.

Speaker 1 46:24

Like that could be it. That could start the thing, and then we'll introduce you to more people. Yeah, or hey, what church service times do you have?

Speaker 2 46:31

Yeah.

Speaker 1 46:40

Is there? Do you have? Is there anything I can be involved in? Like there's Jacob and myself. We have so many opportunities to plug people in.

Speaker 1 46:43

That all you need to do is let us know that you're lonely, that you need connections, and we have so many different groups that we know of, of people that are meeting every night of the week, every week of the month, and we can get you plugged in somewhere, yeah. So, dude, jacob, thank you so much for taking the time to be here. This is awesome, this is so great. But you guys do us a favor because we can spend all the time we want shooting these episodes. But if you don't like, subscribe and share these episodes, you're going to be watching them by yourself, my friend. So go ahead and share this episode with a friend and you already know we'll be back next week with a new episode. Yeah, just appreciate you, guys, because this has been awesome. Have a great day and go make a new friend. Bye, you guys, peace.