Reverse, Reset, Restore
This is for all of us who have been wounded by our own (and others) judgements and expectations, who have listened to those inner voices and believed the lies we've sold ourselves and for those who truly want to love and honour who you were always meant to be. If you've struggled with self-acceptance, poor body image and a belief system that is no longer serving you (if it ever did!), then this podcast is your reminder that you're not alone and you can choose to make changes - from your health and wellbeing, to your thoughts and the way you move in the world.
Reverse, Reset, Restore
The Energy Drain You’re Perpetuating: Hidden Costs of Judging Yourself
What if the greatest obstacle to your happiness is your own self-talk? Today we unpack the immense energy drain caused by self-judgment and inner criticism.
Discover how self-judgment insidiously influences every aspect of your life, from mental health issues like anxiety and depression to physical ailments such as weakened immune systems and skin disorders. Borrowing insights from thought leaders like Louise Hay, we emphasize the power of shifting from self-criticism to self-compassion and navigate the complex landscape of negative self-talk, through reflective questions and personal anecdotes. We'll help you confront your inner critic and recognise the detrimental effects of these negative thoughts on your mental and physical well-being.
We refer to a couple of episodes you might find helpful to listen to:
Episode 5: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2071552/13049042
Episode 106: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2071552/15330813
Here are some of the questions that begin our inner exploration:
How much mental and emotional energy do you waste each day on self-judgment and criticism?
How often do you compare yourself to others, and how does this comparison affect your self-esteem and mood?
What past experiences or messages have contributed to your habit of self-judgment?
When you catch yourself in a moment of self-criticism, how do you usually respond? Do you try to counteract it, or do you accept it as truth?
What impact does your self-judgment have on your mental and physical health?
How do you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror? Are your thoughts kind and supportive, or critical and harsh?
How much time do you spend replaying past mistakes or worrying about future ones?
How might your interactions with others improve if you stopped judging yourself so harshly?
What role does fear play in your self-judgment? Are you afraid of failure, rejection, or something else?
How does your self-judgment affect your ability to pursue your goals and dreams?
In what ways do you sabotage your own happiness and well-being through self-judgment?
Would you ever dare to speak to someone else the way you speak to yourself? If not, why do you tolerate such cruelty within your own mind?
When you think about yourself, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it something positive, or do you fixate on your perceived flaws and shortcomings?
If you had to describe your relationship with yourself, would you consider it nurturing and supportive, or would you see it as toxic and damaging?
Learn practical techniques like mindfulness and monitoring self-talk to foster a more nurturing relationship with yourself, and I'll guide you through a profound visualization exercise designed to heal and embrace your younger self with compassion. We end this episode with a few more questions that I hope will have you answer in a more positive mindset.
Join us on this journey of self-discovery and embrace a more loving and accepting relationship with yourself.
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Welcome to Reverse, reset. Restore the show where we explore the incredible connection between your mind and body. Get ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery, personal growth and transformative change. While we look at the energy drain of self-judgment, change comes from within. We're about to kick off this episode on how we use or misuse our energy and the judgments that inevitably weigh us down. I'm aware that it may stir up some uncomfortable thoughts or feelings in you. Just remember that it is okay to have those thoughts, but just a thought, the not you. It's okay to feel the feeling. That's part of the reason we're here right To navigate our way through feelings, even the uncomfortable ones, especially the uncomfortable one. But we're doing this in a gentle and loving way. So take a break if you need to, and remember that you should always seek out the support of a trained therapist if you're feeling you need more tailored help on your road to self-love and recovery. So much of your energy goes into looking after others and so much of what remains goes into self-judgments. Being this harsh on yourself takes up a lot of energy. Gabor Mate, when the body says no. This episode's title is the Energy Drain You're Perpetuating Hidden Costs of Judging Yourself, and what I mean by this is how much energy we use up every day. When we operate out of a place of judgment, whether we're judging ourselves or others, we know where we're usually judging others right, and that will be a topic we'll explore in more detail for another episode. Today, I want us to begin to focus our attention on the judgmental energy we turn inward. We're starting this episode with a bunch of questions the type that are designed to make you pause and reflect, and they might not feel too good, but let's try to sit with any uncomfortable feelings or thoughts that they might stir up and really give ourselves time to think about them in the context of our own lives. You might want to get a pen and paper and take some time to pause the episode, to write down the questions and anything that comes up for you. In fact, I highly encourage you to use this time as an exercise in self-discovery and reflection. I'll be sure to include the questions and some of the stuff that came up for me personally over on the Reverse Reset Restore Facebook and Instagram pages, and you'll be more than welcome to share your thoughts alongside mine there too, or also on the comments section in our Reverse Reset. Restore YouTube channel. Here are the questions.
Speaker 1:How much mental and emotional energy do you waste each day on self-judgment and criticism? How often do you compare yourself to others, and how does this comparison affect your self-esteem and your mood? Affect your self-esteem and your mood? What past experiences or messages have contributed to your habit of self-judgment, and what ways does self-judgment manifest in your daily actions and decisions? When you catch yourself in a moment of self-criticism, how do you usually respond? Do you try to counteract it or do you accept it as truth?
Speaker 1:What impact does your self-judgment have on your mental and physical health? How do you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror? Are your thoughts kind and supportive or critical and harsh? How much time do you spend replaying past mistakes or worrying about future ones? How might your interactions with others improve if you stopped judging yourself so harshly? Others improve if you stopped judging yourself so harshly.
Speaker 1:What role does fear play in your self-judgment? Are you afraid of failure, rejection or something else? How does your self-judgment affect your ability to pursue your goals and dreams? In what ways do you sabotage your own happiness and well-being through self-judgment? How frequently do you find yourself being unnecessarily mean, harsh or even cruel to your own body, your abilities, your thoughts, your feelings? Are you aware of the constant stream of unkind thoughts you direct at yourself? Would you ever dare to speak to someone else the way that you speak to yourself? If not, why do you tolerate such cruelty within your own mind? When you think about yourself, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it something positive, or do you fixate on your perceived flaws and shortcomings? What deep-seated beliefs do you hold about yourself, and how did they shape your self-perception and your daily life? And the last one if you had to describe your relationship with yourself, would you consider it nurturing and supportive, or would you see it as toxic and damaging?
Speaker 1:All right, before we get into it, quick body check. When hearing or thinking about these questions and I know there were a lot of them where did you feel it in your body? For some of us, we get that gnawing feeling in the pit of our belly. For others, we might have felt it in our chest or our throat or our head. I want you to explore that physical reaction because it's your body's way of speaking to you.
Speaker 1:Feelings are felt in the body. That's why they're called feelings. We feel them. Our bodies manifest them in a physical way. So, using the last question as an example, if you had to describe your relationship with yourself, would you consider it nurturing and supportive or would you see it as toxic and damaging? Once upon a time, my body would associate that feeling with a deep-seated, panicky, gross feeling in the pit of my belly and it would have navigated its way out through my chest, clutching at my throat like hands around the neck.
Speaker 1:Before I really started heavily investing in my own transformative journey. I would have had to describe my relationship with myself as toxic. Actually, it was a deeply abusive relationship. My inner critic was brutal. I mean the way I spoke about myself and my internal dialogue was truly horrific. The language I used, the names I called myself were so ingrained that I wasn't even conscious of just how toxic I was treating myself. It had literally become second nature. I would never speak to anyone else in my life the way I spoke towards myself. No wonder I had sleep issues and health issues and weight issues and confidence issues all the issues. Maybe you've had similar issues of your own.
Speaker 1:Maybe you can relate if you've explored what those feelings feel like, where they sit in your body and these are not easy questions to answer, because they require us to look at how much time and effort and energy we are using up in the pursuit of wounding ourselves. They're asking us to physically connect back to our body in ways that we perhaps have not done in a really long time. It's the notice, the noise strategy that we talked about way, way, way back in episode five that we're applying here, becoming observant of the current state of the most important relationship we'll ever have the one with ourselves. I'm going to include the strategy here for you to listen to, but I recommend that you go back and check out the entire episode 5. Strategies for creating change, part 1, thoughts for some helpful tips on changing your thinking. Here's a recording about the Notice, the Noise strategy from that episode.
Speaker 1:So let's get started on looking at creating change through strategies for thought. The first strategy seems like an obvious one, but we've often been oblivious for so long that it can be one that requires time, and patience and creating awareness for to become a part of our daily life. It's notice the noise. Notice the noise is about becoming aware of what your thoughts are saying and how noisy they can be when trying to keep you from finding peace. How noisy they can be when trying to keep you from finding peace. That internal chatter that just persistently nags at you at 2am or incessantly whines at you throughout the day. Just always there in the peripheral of your mind, that noise is keeping you from your ability to live your life in a conscious way. When you begin to notice the noise, you can then begin to choose something different. Isn't that exciting. You don't have to be pushed and pulled by the thoughts escalating in your mind.
Speaker 1:As a recovering overthinker, this was life-changing for me. For years, I had entertained so many unnecessary thoughts, allowing them to settle in and disturb my mind and create havoc in so many areas of my life. As the French philosopher Michel de Montaigne so aptly put it, my life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened. These terrible misfortunes that we catastrophize in our minds begin with the noise of unbridled thought. So many of us live our lives unconsciously, unaware, or perhaps avoiding the noise in our mind. Ignorance is bliss, after all, but once your eyes, or in this case, ears, are open, you can't ignore it. Quite the same, I think many people want to live unconsciously and the giants of the modern day living. Corporations, governments, social media etc. Are pretty happy to oblige. There is a lot of choice out there, especially in internet land, to keep us oblivious to our own internal power, but when we notice the noise of that internal content, we can no longer remain unconscious to our suffering. Well, I guess we can if that is what we choose to do.
Speaker 1:In the book Brave New World by Adolf Huxley, everyone has been conditioned to keep any thoughts and emotions that don't fit within their society at bay. This is done through the use of soma, a feel-good drug to keep from ever feeling or thinking anything unpleasant. From the very first chapter, the reader realizes that this utopian world is one where humankind has been controlled and ordered by their genetic predisposition into alphas or deltas, epsilons and betas etc. And each have brought into this way of living as though their society makes them the best version of humanity. As the director says, all conditioning aims at that making people like their unescapable social destiny. As long as we don't notice the noise, or at least avoid it and tune it out, we remain conditioned to this unescapable social destiny.
Speaker 1:You can only make a choice to change once you are aware you can make a change. If you're listening to this podcast. There is a good chance. You're already on the road of self-recovery, or perhaps you've just become more aware of that chatter clattering around in your mind, all the negative self-talk and the fears and the worries that have been sustaining you. Now that you've noticed the noise, you have a choice to make. It's the same choice Neo has to make in the Matrix Swallow the blue pill and return to oblivion, or take the red pill and go down the rabbit hole of restoration. We're back. What do you think of the notice, the noise strategy? Have you recognized for yourself that you have been on automatic pilot, oblivious to your own internal dialogue or, when aware, just allowing it anyway?
Speaker 1:Most of us tend to put ourselves low on the list of our own existence, so we don't even really recognize the internal violence we perpetuate against ourselves in the language we use and the stories we tell through our thoughts. As Louise Hay puts it, remember you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens. We've allowed our internal monologue to be one where we judge, blame, shame and where we create disappointments and pain and even sickness. They are the insidious little thoughts and feelings that we aren't even always consciously aware of. Because we've been entertaining them for so long, we've come to believe it's just part of our nature. I call these micro judgments and they are sneaky little buggers. If we were to think about our lives like the structure of a building, micro judgments would be the fibers within the jib board, or also known as the dry wall, or the plasterboard, hidden under layers of plaster and paint or wallpaper, so they're not seen in the finished product, but they are still deeply embedded into our framework.
Speaker 1:The problem with that, of course, is that we're constantly living with this energy drain of self-judgment, and you might recognize it in this way. Are you feeling constantly tired all the time, even when you don't have life and its responsibilities pulling you in all directions? Judging ourselves is an exhausting process. It drains our energy, leaving us feeling depleted and unable to focus on more productive and fulfilling activities. Niall Rogers, one of my favorite musicians and songwriters and an amazing record producer I mean he produced everybody says I think the hardest thing to overcome is judging yourself and being your own worst critic. I feel that in my bones because I know that I still struggle to overcome those self-judgmental thoughts and critical thinking and the emotional, physical and mental expenditure that comes from always living out of a place of judgment is exhausting and there are hidden costs we might not even be aware of that are contributing to our health, our relationships, the way that we view the world and our overall well-being. Understanding these hidden costs, I think, is crucial for helping us to navigate and be motivated to change. I will look at the costs that I think are most detrimental to us. So cost number one psychological impact.
Speaker 1:Self-judgment has a significant psychological impact, contributing to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, among other things. By continuously focusing on our perceived shortcomings, we just reinforce negative beliefs and hinder our mental well-being. Did you know that around 36% of university students have anxiety? Having faced my own psychological disorders, such as clinical depression and panic attacks, I can say that almost all of my experiences with these disordered thinking patterns were heavily linked to my self-judgmental thoughts and self-hatred and fear of failure and worries about not making other people's expectations. It doesn't surprise me that when I'm treating myself with love and compassion and I've rejected that self-judgmental mindset, I feel like a completely different person. I am the me I was designed to be the authentic, loving, friendly, fun me.
Speaker 1:And when I have my days where I've slid back into that self-judgment and a negative self-talk. My mood is low, the clouds of depression appear on the horizon and my anxiety has me on edge. I feel so grateful that I've been able to develop some really good strategies and put them into place that help me get myself out of those doldrums and back onto solid ground. But that's not being just sheer luck, right. It's being me persistently guarding and being alert, watching what I'm telling myself, practicing mindfulness and then putting into action when those thoughts start their insidious onslaught, to raise the barriers and stop entertaining them when they show up. And that's the trouble that a lot of the time we've got into these habits of entertaining these negative, self-judgmental thoughts to the point where we begin to believe them and then we become overpowered by them, overwhelmed by them. We don't even know where that they're actually now running the show.
Speaker 1:Cost number two physical impact. Self-judgment can have numerous physical impacts on the body which contribute to a host of health issues. Here are 10 key physical effects that our self-hatred, our self-judgment and critical thinking can impact us physically 1. Chronic stress and anxiety. Self-judgment often leads to chronic stress causing elevated cortisol levels, which can result in weight gain, sleeplessness, high blood pressure and decreased immune function, among other things. If you've been listening for a while, you'll know that we've been doing an unveiling cortisol series that might be helpful for you if you are wanting to learn a bit more about that, to go back and seek those out. They're super interesting to see how much cortisol can impact various parts of our body. Persistent anxiety and stress can also lead to heart palpitations, increased heart rate, high risk of heart disease. We'll get into that in just a minute.
Speaker 1:Number two weakened immune system. Being constantly self-critical can actually weaken our immune system, making our bodies more susceptible to infections and illness. It can also slow down the body's ability to heal from injuries and recover from disease, which then we often perpetuate the cycle because we get mad at ourselves that we're feeling sick or that we're always getting run down or we're always fighting some kind of flu or infection or illness and it's just this like vicious cycle of repeat, and the more mad we get towards ourselves, the more it impacts negatively on our immune system. Number three muscle tension and pain. So being self-judgmental, being critical, leads to us being more stressed about our lives and our abilities and our capabilities. That can lead to physical tension which can develop into chronic pain, and areas like the neck, your shoulders, your back and other points of injury maybe you've had in your body tend to then encompass more pain. Frequent headaches and migraines can result from the constant tension and stress that's associated with self-criticism.
Speaker 1:Number four Sleep disturbances. Negative self-talk can cause you to have difficulty falling or staying asleep, leading to insomnia. And even if sleep is achieved, it may not be restful, which means that you'll have a lot of fatigue and you'll have a decrease in overall well-being because you're constantly fighting this tiredness. Number five digestive issues. Stress and anxiety from self-judgment and just stress in general can lead to stomach problems such as indigestion, acid reflux or irritable bowel syndrome. It can also affect your appetite, leading to overeating or under eating, both of which have negative physical consequences.
Speaker 1:I know I just mentioned the Unveiling Cortisol series. You might be interested to go back an episode to episode 106, where we talk about stress and digestion, how cortisol disrupts your gut and what you can do about it, and that's a really important episode to listen to, because most of us don't have an understanding of how essential our gut health impacts every other part of our physical and mental well-being If you don't have your gut in a healthy way. It really does influence everything else that's going on in your body. So check that out. I will put the link in the show notes for you so that you've got easy access to that.
Speaker 1:Number six fatigue and low energy. The mental and emotional toll of self-judgment can lead to persistent fatigue and low energy levels, making it difficult to engage in daily activities. It can contribute to burnout, which is categorized by physical and emotional exhaustion. Number seven skin problems. You might not realize this, but you, being self-judgmental, can actually trigger or worsen skin conditions like acne and breakouts. It can also exacerbate conditions such as paralysis and eczema. The more unkind you're being to yourself, the more likely you're going to have these skin problem flare-ups. Number eight weight fluctuations. Wouldn't be any surprise, if you're feeling self-judgment or being critical towards yourself, that the way that you think and feel about yourself can lead to weight gain, particularly around your abdomen, which can cause a lot of problems. In some cases, severe self-judgment and stress can lead to significant weight loss due to a lack of appetite as well.
Speaker 1:Number nine mention it before cardiovascular issues. So your chronic stress from being really critical of yourself or leading your life in the sphere of self-judgment can lead to high blood pressure, increasing the risk of cardiovascular diseases or increase your risk of stroke as well. And number 10, this might be a surprise to some people, but premature aging can be something that's brought about by the way that you interact and respond and feel and think about who you are. So if you're constantly self-critical, you're being judgmental and unkind towards yourself, you're not practicing compassion or kindness, you don't have a lot of love for yourself. You're actually creating just this storm within you all the time that this chronic stress can just activate and accelerate the aging process, leading to premature aging. Good news is is that, even with all of the psychological aspect and the physiological thing that can happen to us, there's still hope. Yay, yay for hope. Right?
Speaker 1:I'm going to share with you some powerful strategies that have helped me break free from the self-judgment mindset that once held me hostage to my suffering. These techniques continue to support me in dispelling those nasty, negative thoughts and help me to keep them at bay. Let's go through them. Tip number one developing self-compassion. This is essential in transforming our mindset. Treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we extend to other people can help reduce the energy drain caused by self-judgment. Self-compassion involves acknowledging our imperfections and accepting them without harsh judgment.
Speaker 1:Now, as a recovering perfectionist, relearning to be compassionate towards myself, even when I have felt like I've blown it or I am not worthy of it, has been a real challenge at times.
Speaker 1:It's because it's been so habitual for so long to just come down hard on myself that the act of not passing judgment has had to be relearned. Or to put this tip another way, louise Hay said the number one way to love yourself is to stop all criticism. When we are busy judging ourselves and others or being critical of ourselves and others, we're not being loving. For me, all of this journey comes back to the one thing that is essential for our healing, for our restoration and for us to move forward in the world as the person we were designed to be, and that one thing is love. The Beatles sing about it All we need is love. Love is all we need is love. Love is all we need. When we operate, though, from a place of criticism, we are out of love. Here's Louise, in her own words, explaining this first step of stopping that critical voice within us.
Speaker 2:So many people ask me about how to love yourself. How do you love yourself, louise? Because I talk about it all the time. So I made a list of how to love yourself. Number one on that list of how to love yourself is to stop all criticism. Just stop it now and forevermore and make a vow to yourself that you're going to do your very best from now on to stop criticizing number one one you, and then other people. It'll be a lot easier to stop criticizing other people when you stop criticizing yourself.
Speaker 1:Tip number two building a supportive inner dialogue. Building the supportive inner dialogue is another key aspect of overcoming self-judgment. Let's go back to the notice, the noise strategy, for just a moment. You're not always gonna notice what you're saying or thinking about yourself, but when you do every time you catch yourself, you change the dialogue and what happens is that you become much more aware of the language you speak to yourself with and before too long, you actually find yourself catching those self-judgmental thoughts and conversations more often and more quickly. And then the real magic happens the shift in how you speak to yourself begins to happen automatically, and then you realize that you hardly speak harshly to yourself or about yourself, and when you do, you pick up on it almost immediately and change the dialogue. Louise speaks to this tip as the stop scaring yourself. This is where we terrorize ourselves right With this thought of not being enough or being worried or feeling anxious about things that are beyond what we think are our control. Here's a small point from Louise herself on the second strategy.
Speaker 2:Now number two on that list is stop scaring yourself. And here we go into fear. How often do you terrorize yourself with your own thoughts? You get into absolute terror and it's only coming from your thoughts. Nobody out there is doing a thing. Sometimes it's an old family pattern, sometimes we get new things. How often do you do that to yourself? You know, we find so many ways to scare ourselves.
Speaker 1:By replacing negative self-talk with affirmations and positive statements, you can cultivate a more nurturing and empowering mindset and eventually almost entirely erasing the default, habitual negative thinking and self-speak that you might be currently associating yourself with. And tip number three is actually a lot of tips. It's practical techniques To stop the energy drain we perpetuate when we're always acting out of a place of judgment. It's crucial to limit our interactions with negative people and drastically reduce our consumption of movies and TV shows and social media, where criticism, cancel, culture and judgments are rampant. These sources not only bombard us with negativity, but they also fuel our own tendencies to be self-critical and critical of others, causing a continuous and harmful drain on our mental and emotional energy. By consciously cutting back on these toxic influences, we can reclaim our energy and foster a more positive and compassionate mindset. For me, as an example, I might enjoy a cute video or a funny TikTok, but then I need to resist the urge to go down the rabbit hole of the comments, because we all know what awaits us right the keyboard warriors, the conspiracy theorists and the just downright rude and nasty condemnations by people who feel justified in their judgments by limiting because I'll admit I'm not there completely yet with never reading the comment sections, but I do limit it and I have found that as I continue to do that, I have more peace, less space for being judgmental or critical of others or of myself. You can also implement practical techniques such as gratitude and journaling, visualization exercises, mindfulness, positive affirmations and surrounding yourself with positive influence. All of these things can help shift our mindset. These strategies not only promote a more optimistic outlook, but they also reduce the energy drain caused by negative self-judgment. We've talked a lot about mindfulness and affirmations and journaling in other episodes, so today I'm going to suggest visualization as a technique you can use, and we'll do a visualization together as a practice. Visualization for those of you who maybe aren't familiar with the term is an effective method to reframe negative self-talk and cultivate a more compassionate inner dialogue, and this strategy will help you transform self-judgment and self-criticism into self-acceptance and kindness.
Speaker 1:Here's a step-by-step guide to using a visualization technique where you get to go back in time with your younger self to overcome self-judgment and self-criticism and cultivate some love to overcome self-judgment and self-criticism and cultivate some love. This is one that is similar to what I was taught in therapy as far as going back to meet with a younger version of myself. Now, if this is something new to you, you might already be thinking, nah, this is too weird or this won't work. See how that judgmental mind is so insidious. It won't even let you contemplate trying this without voicing disbelief or negative thoughts. It's already telling you this won't work. And as long as you believe that you're right, what I want to ask you to do is suspend your disbelief. Open your mind, tell that small or loud judgmental voice to hush and just commit to this process. Remind yourself of tip one and tip two, which is self-compassion and building a supportive inner dialogue.
Speaker 1:You might fight this and fight the other tips and techniques that are scattered throughout most of the Reverse, reset, restore episodes, and you may not even be aware that you're doing that, that you're putting up roadblocks in the path of your own journey. That's also normal. It's part of the process, because shifting out of our old behaviors and thought patterns and belief systems, it is hard work, it's painful, it's scary. We prefer the comfort of what we know, even if what we know is making us miserable. It's the knowing and the familiar that keeps us safe, right, or so we think, when in reality we know that, moving beyond that fear, moving beyond what your little monkey mind's trying to tell you, because the payoff is worth it.
Speaker 1:Give yourself permission. When you recognize that you're speaking to yourself from a place of judgment or you're putting obstacles in your own way via criticism or disbelief or just like this outright refusal and digging your heels in, it's okay. Acknowledge it. Give yourself the grace to feel the feelings, feel the fear and then find that space to step out. There's a beautiful saying that says a ship in the harbour is safe, but that's not where ships are meant to be. Yes, the harbour of what we know is safe, but it's not where we're meant to stay. So let's do this visualisation now, and hopefully you'll find this a helpful technique moving forward now, and hopefully you'll find this a helpful technique moving forward.
Speaker 1:Sit in a comfortable position in a quiet space where you won't be disturbed. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths to center yourself. Breathe deeply in through your nose and out through your nose. Set a clear intention for your visualization. For the purposes of this episode, we'll use the example. I am here to cultivate self-compassion and release self-judgment. I want you to imagine yourself in a serene, beautiful place where you feel completely safe and at peace. This could be a forest, a beach, a river, your home, any place that brings you a sense of calm and happiness. I want you to build this image in your imagination as strongly as you can. So, if you're on the beach, imagine hearing the waves lapping on the shore. Imagine hearing the waves lapping on the shore, the sand, feel it beneath you sticking to your feet and your calves, or the wind gently flicking it onto your body.
Speaker 1:Make wherever you are as real as possible. Be as detailed as possible. If you're're in the forest, what can you smell? What is the wind doing whipping through the trees, or is it a soft breeze? What is the light like? Is the Sun filtering down through thousands of leaves? Be as detailed as you can. And if you struggle to create mental pictures or perhaps you don't have the ability to do that, as some people don't I invite you to find an image that you can look at during this process, which will help you, or, if you are able, maybe even go to the place and be physically present there.
Speaker 1:Once you are settled into your place of peace, your place of safety, with all the smells and the senses and the sounds that are surrounding you. I want you to bring to mind now an image of your younger self, perhaps as a child, perhaps just before you first felt acutely self-critical or self-judgmental for the first time. Visualize this younger version of you standing in front of you in this safe place. Notice their appearance, their expressions, their body language. Now I want you to imagine a warm, golden light surrounding both you and your younger self. This light represents compassion and understanding. Compassion and understanding. Acknowledge the feelings and the struggles of your younger self. See them as innocent and worthy of love. Now kneel down so that you are meeting your younger self on their level. Speak to them with kindness and understanding.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give you some examples, but if you feel called to say something else to yourself, please do so. Otherwise, just repeat the example that I share with you here that most resonates with you, or you can repeat them all whatever makes you feel comfortable. I know you're trying your best. You are worthy of love and compassion. It's okay to make mistakes. It's not your fault. You didn't deserve what happened to you. You are enough just as you are. You don't have to be anyone other than who you are. You are worth loving. You might have some emotions. Come to the surface when speaking to your younger self, and that's okay. Come to the surface when speaking to your younger self, and that's okay. Remember, this is the safe space just for you. Allow those feelings to be present, honoring them, giving them the space to be expressed, knowing that this is part of the healing journey. When you're ready, visualize giving your younger self a warm, comforting hug as you wrap your arms around them. Feel the compassion and love flowing from you to them. Imagine your younger self smiling and feeling reassured and loved by your words and actions. Hold them tight. Let that love flow from you to them, that kindness, that compassion, the forgiveness and understanding, knowing that you are bringing healing into your life as you hold your younger self close.
Speaker 1:I want you to begin now to imagine that you're merging your younger self into your current being, bringing the feelings of compassion and love into your present being. Feel that golden light now surrounding you, completely filling you with self-compassion and acceptance. As you bring your younger self back into the fullness of your present self and as you integrate your younger self, feel the self-judgment, your negative feelings, your past behaviors and thoughts just melt away. Imagine these feelings dissolving into the air, evaporating, leaving you feeling lighter and more open-hearted. You can physically feel your body become lighter and stronger. You feel like you can breathe easier because you've brought some peace into your life. Now, as you let go of all of those things that were causing you to suffer and to be critical and to feel self-hatred and to constantly pass judgment over yourself. You've let that go.
Speaker 1:As we end this visualization, I want you to reaffirm that intention once more. I choose to treat myself with compassion and understanding. I release self-judgment and I embrace self-love. Take a few moments to reflect on the experience. Notice any changes in your feelings towards yourself and how you feel within yourself. Open your eyes when you're ready. By regularly engaging in this visualization strategy, you can develop a habit of seeing yourself through the lens of compassion and understanding, significantly reducing self-judgment and self-criticism. I would suggest that, if you can, for just a few minutes a day, if that's all you've got Try to incorporate this visualization into your daily routine. The consistent practice will help rewire your brain to respond with compassion rather than self-criticism. It will allow you to heal those parts of yourself that were hurt in moments and times and places where you maybe didn't have control because you were a kid, and allow you to see yourself with more love and more understanding.
Speaker 1:So we've packed in a lot over this episode. We've asked some tough questions, we've looked at the psychological and the physical ways of self-judgment impacts us. We've talked about building self-compassion and changing self-talk and, of course, we've gone through this visualization exercise. Before we wrap up this episode, I want us to do another exercise with a different set of questions. Again, I encourage you to spend some time writing them down and reflecting on your answers. You are worth the time.
Speaker 1:What would your inner dialogue sound like if you replaced judgment with encouragement and understanding? Can you identify specific moments where you felt proud of yourself? How often do you celebrate your achievements? What positive qualities do you bring to your relationships, to your work, to your daily life that you tend to overlook or undervalue, to your daily life that you tend to overlook or undervalue? When was the last time you forgave yourself for a mistake or shortcoming? How did it feel? What small step can you take today to start shifting from self-judgment to self-compassion? What would it take for you to feel truly worthy and enough, just as you are right now?
Speaker 1:Imagine your best friend or a loved one spoke to themselves the way you speak to yourself. How would you advise them to change their self-talk? How would your life change if you treated yourself with the same kindness and compassion you offer to other people? And what is one thing you appreciate about yourself that you can focus on more often? Recognizing and addressing self-judgment is crucial for preserving our energy and improving our overall well-being. By becoming aware of our inner dialogue, by implementing practical techniques for positive thinking and developing self-compassion, we can absolutely transform our mindset and reduce the hidden costs of self-judgment. Remember, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you will ever have, important one you will ever have. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding and compassion and you will see a significant improvement in your energy levels, in your relationships, in the way that you view the world, the way that you speak to yourself will improve overall the quality of your life.
Speaker 1:I'm closing out this episode with this piece written by Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, writer of A Creative Companion how to Free your Creative Spirit. She says the critical voices in our own heads are far more vicious than what we might hear from the outside. Our inside critics have intimate knowledge of us and can zero in on our weakest spots. You might be told by the critics that you're too fat, too old, too young, not intelligent enough, a quitter, not logical, prone to try too many things. It's all balderdash. Some elements of these may be true and it's completely up to you how they affect you. Insight critics are really just trying to protect you. You can learn to dialogue with them, give them new jobs, turn them into allies. You can also dismantle or exterminate them. Copyright © 2020 Mooji Media Ltd. All Rights Reserved.