EP 241 — 5 Early Warning Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person

Most people don’t end up in the wrong relationship by accident — they ignore the signs early on. In this episode, we break down the 5 key warning signs to look out for in the early stages of dating, why they’re so easy to overlook, and how to spot them before you get too attached.

Transcript

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Hello and welcome back to and how does that make you feel an Awaken podcast? I'm Jack, therapist and founder of Awaken Online Therapy, and today we're discussing the five early warning signs you're dating the wrong person. Let's start with something uncomfortable but honest. Most people don't end up in the wrong relationship by accident. They end up there because they've ignored the signs early on. Not because the signs weren't there, but because the chemistry was strong, the attention felt good, the potential looked exciting, and they wanted it to work. And by the time the problems become obvious, you're already emotionally invested. So the question isn't why did this go wrong, it's what did I miss or choose to ignore at the start. So that's exactly what we'll be breaking down in today's episode. So firstly, why early signs are so easy to ignore? Before we get into the signs, we need to understand something. Early dating is not neutral, it's emotionally biased. You're more likely to focus on what you like, minimize what feels off, rationalize behavior, and fill in gaps with potential. Because your brain is asking, could this work? Not is this actually right for me. So warning signs don't feel like deal breakers, they feel more like maybe I'm overthinking. It's early days, those things might change. And that's where people do get stuck. So what are the five early warning signs? Firstly, inconsistency. They're not the same person twice. This is one of the biggest early signs. One day they're attentive, engaged, present, and the next they're distant, slow to apply, emotionally unavailable. And it creates confusion because you think, but I've seen how good it can be. So you chase the version of them that you liked. But here's the reality: consistency shows you who someone is. Inconsistency shows you what you're hoping for. If you feel unsure where you stand early on, that doesn't usually stabilize later. Secondly, you feel slightly on edge around them. This one is more subtle. Nothing is obviously wrong, but you notice you overthink what you say. You second guess yourself, you're trying to get it right, and you feel slightly anxious. And you might label it as excitement, chemistry, nerves. But often that feeling is not attraction, it's uncertainty. And uncertainty keeps you hooked, but it doesn't create safety. And long-term relationships, they need safety. Third, they struggle with accountability. Pay attention to how they handle mistakes, conflict, and feedback. Do they deflect, blame others, avoid responsibility, get defensive quickly? Or can they say, I get that, that's fair, I could have handled that better. Because here's the truth if someone can't take accountability early on, it's only going to get harder later down the line. Early dating is when people are on their best behavior. So if accountability is already missing, that's not a small issue. Fourth, you're attracted to their potential, not the reality of the situation. This is one of the most common traps that people get into. You think they could be amazing if they just need time, they've got so much potential. And you start building a version of them in your head. But here's the reality: you're not dating who they could become, you're dating who they are right now. And if who they are right now doesn't meet your needs, potential won't fix that, it's just gonna delay the truth coming out. And fifth, your needs feel like too much. This one matters. So you try to express something simple, wanting more communication, wanting clarity, wanting consistency, and it gets met with dismissal, minimization, irritation, or even subtle pushback. And you start thinking, maybe I'm asking for too much here. Maybe I should just relax. But again, here is the truth the right person doesn't make your needs feel like a burden. They may not meet every need perfectly, but they don't make you feel wrong for having them. So why do people stay anyway despite these problems? If these signs are so clear, why do people ignore them? Because the highs feel so good, the connection feels rare, they don't want to start again, they believe it will improve, and they've already invested emotionally. And most importantly, they confuse intensity with compatibility. But intensity is not stability and it's not sustainability. So what can you do if you recognize these signs? This is where it matters. Firstly, don't ignore the pattern. Anyone can have an off day, but patterns tell the truth. So ask yourself, is this consistent? If it is, believe it. Secondly, stop explaining their behavior for them. You don't need to justify their inconsistency, their lack of effort, or their avoidance. Clarity comes when you stop filling in the gaps. Third, check how you feel and not just what they say. People tend to focus on words, promises, and intentions, but what matters is how do you feel consistently around them. Is it calm, is it safe, is it clear, or is it anxious, confused, and uncertain? Your emotional experience is information and data. Fourth, be honest with yourself early on. The earlier you're honest, the easier it is to act on it. Because once attachment builds, clarity is going to become harder. And fifth, choose alignment over potential. Attraction is easy, alignment is rare. So ask yourself, does this actually work for me? As it is, not what could this become? So here's a bigger perspective on it all. Dating is not just about finding someone you like, it's about finding someone who is consistent, takes responsibility, meets you where you are, makes you feel safe to be yourself. And if those things are missing early, they don't magically appear later down the line. So if you take one thing from this episode and let it be this early warning signs don't get louder with time. You just get more attached to ignoring them. So pay attention early, not to judge, but to protect yourself. Because the goal isn't just to find someone, it's to find someone who actually works for you. And as always, thank you so much for listening. And if you have found this podcast useful, feel free to share it with a friend or even rate us five stars on your streaming platform of choice. It really does help us reach more people. I've been Jack, and this has been And How Does That Make You Feel an Awakened Podcast, and I'll see you at the next one.