EP.169 - It's Good To Gup Shup - "Disagreement Isn't Disrespect"

Boy moms… this Gup Shup is for us.

After a recent conversation with my teenage son, I found myself reflecting on something I’ve been really intentional about while raising boys:
creating a home where disagreement feels safe.
IMO,  so many boys grow up learning how to keep the peace… by staying silent but not necessarily how to communicate through conflict.

Especially in a lot of South Asian homes where boys are deeply loved, protected, and prioritized — but sometimes unintentionally taught that speaking up, pushing back, expressing frustration, or holding boundaries feels disrespectful. And because vulnerability is often discouraged in boys, we sometimes only allow emotion once it comes out as anger. So sadness becomes irritability. Overwhelm becomes shutdown. Hurt becomes rage. And emotional expression becomes acceptable only when it shows up loudly.

Later, I see so many adult men struggle with speaking up, communicating honestly, holding boundaries, or balancing the emotional pull between their relationships, their mothers, and their partners.

And honestly, I want something different for my boys. I want them to be able to stay connected to the people they love without losing themselves in the process. I also think when we talk about men’s mental health, we often start the conversation once boys have already become men. But sooooo much of it starts earlier.
We know suicide rates remain incredibly high in men. We know many men isolate their thoughts, suppress emotion, avoid vulnerability, or cope through distraction, overworking, substance use, or anything that helps “take the edge off” instead of  actually processing what they feel.

And I can’t help but wonder how many boys first learned that emotional discomfort should stay inside

In this MFU Gup Shup, I’m reflecting on emotional safety, “good boy” conditioning, parenting with intention, boys and emotional suppression, and why emotionally safe relationships in childhood matter more than we realize.

I don’t believe boys  magically become emotionally avoidant men overnight. And also, I’m not trying to raise “good boys.” I’m trying to raise emotionally whole men.