# 147 - Authentic Kindness vs. People Pleasing: How to Be Kind Without Losing Yourself Artwork

The Lemon Tree Coaching

Welcome to The Lemon Tree Coaching Podcast—where emotional depth meets grounded psychology. Hosted by Dr. Allison Sucamele, this podcast is a sanctuary for anyone ready to do the inner work, face their shadow, and cultivate a life that feels authentic, aligned, and alive.

Each episode explores the psychology behind emotions, relationships, nervous system healing, and self-awareness. Whether you're navigating heartbreak, burnout, betrayal, people-pleasing, or the desire for deeper meaning, you'll find thoughtful reflections, symbolic storytelling, and powerful insights to help you bloom—one truth at a time.

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The Lemon Tree Coaching

# 147 - Authentic Kindness vs. People Pleasing: How to Be Kind Without Losing Yourself

December 31, 2025 • Dr. Allison Sucamele • Episode 147

0:00 | 23:37

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In this episode of The Lemon Tree Coaching Podcast, Dr. Allison Sucamele explores a subtle but powerful distinction that shapes relationships, burnout, and self-worth: the difference between authentic kindness and people pleasing.

On the surface, they can look identical - being helpful, agreeable, and generous. But internally, they come from very different places. Authentic kindness is rooted in choice, alignment, and self-respect. People pleasing is driven by fear, survival, and the nervous system’s need for safety.

Together, we unpack:

How people pleasing often develops as a trauma-informed survival response (including the fawn response)
Why women and trauma survivors are especially conditioned to prioritize others over themselves
The psychological cost of chronic self-abandonment
Practical litmus tests to tell whether your “yes” is grounded or fear-based
Gentle ways to begin setting boundaries without guilt or losing connection

This episode is an invitation to move toward a kinder, more honest way of relating - one where generosity doesn’t require self-erasure, and boundaries and compassion work together.

As always, this episode is for education and reflection, not a substitute for therapy or medical advice. If you’re in emotional distress, please reach out to a licensed professional or call/text 988 in the U.S. for 24/7 support.

References & Resources

People Pleasing, Codependency & Trauma

Harriet Braiker, The Disease to Please
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60497.The_Disease_to_Please
Psychology Today – The Fawn Response
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/fight-flight-freeze
Psych Central – Fawning Trauma Response
https://psychcentral.com/health/fawn-response

Self-Compassion

Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion
https://self-compassion.org
Free Self-Compassion Scale & practices
https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test

Boundaries & Assertiveness

Robert Alberti & Michael Emmons, Your Perfect Right
https://www.amazon.com/Your-Perfect-Right-Assertiveness/dp/1891280010
Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace
https://www.nedratawwab.com

Additional Mental Health Support