Healing Heartbreak & Reclaiming Your Power with Diane Beck

Heartbreak hurts—but it can also be the doorway to something beautiful.

In this episode of Loving Your Life Again, I’m joined Diane Beck, who is an Intuitive Alignment Coach and creator of Soul Signal Mapping™, the core method behind her transformational program Healing Heartbreaks. She helps high-functioning women heal the emotional root of their pain, reconnect with unconscious wisdom, and realign their lives from the inside out - so they can feel whole, powerful, and fully themselves.

Her work isn’t only about mindset or a surface-level coaching. She guides women through heartbreak as a portal and a way in to true transformation - using the nervous system and unconscious signals as a map back to deep clarity and intuition, self-trust, and feminine leadership. The result? Strong feminine women who attract aligned relationships, lead with wisdom, and become the matriarchs of the next generation - not from performance, but from truth.

At the heart of her work is a simple truth:
If you don’t transmute your pain, you transmit it.
Now is the time to come home to who you really are. 

We talk about:

• How heartbreak reveals deeper patterns in love and self-worth
• Why we cling to what’s familiar (even when it hurts)
• How to use pain as a catalyst for transformation and self-love

If you’re ready to release old wounds and rediscover your power, this episode is for you.

Diane's Resources: 

• Free Guide: https://www.healingheartbreaks.com/free-download-1 
• About the program: https://www.dianebeckcoaching.com/healing-hearts
• Main website home page: https://www.dianebeckcoaching.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dianebeckcoaching/
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DianeBeckCoaching
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/dianebeckcoaching/

Work with Me: 

• Somatic Coaching: https://calendly.com/breathofrenewal/somatic_coaching
• Monthly Breathwork Circle: https://calendly.com/breathofrenewal/monthly-breathwork-circle

Transcript

0:02

What if your heartbreak was actually the doorway to becoming more whole, more powerful and more deeply You. Hello my friends. Welcome back to another episode of Loving Your Life again. I am super excited to bring you a special guest today. Yes, interviews are coming back. I know it's been a while and I have so many delightful conversations. And this episode, though they all hold a special place today is super close to my heart'cause I am joined by someone who has walked a path so similar to mine. Her name is Diane Beck. Diane is a therapist and a coach with over 16 years of experience and after her own devastating heartbreak that left her feeling broken and questioning everything, she discovered a way to not just heal, but to rise even stronger. Her journey led to the creation of her 12 week program that helps women, especially those over 35, who are starting to see patterns in their relationships, move from heartbreak to healing and deep self-love. In our conversation, we dive into our story of rejection and toxic dynamics and how she transformed that pain into power. We talk about what it means. To let go of what we're gripping onto the patterns, heartbreak reveals, and how you can reset not just your relationships, but your entire life from the inside out. If you have ever wondered if this pain you're feeling could actually lead to something beautiful, this conversation is for you. Before we dive in, if you're looking for support on your own healing journey, I invite you to check out my somatic coaching sessions, which are still in practicum, and join my monthly breathwork circle These are both spaces where your nervous system can rest, release, and reset. You can find all of the details in the show notes below. Or feel free to reach out to me and I'd be glad to share all the details with you now onto the conversation. Hi Diane. Thank you so much for joining me today. How are you doing? I'm doing really well. Thank you, Christina. It's nice to see you and I'm so glad that we're here reading through some of the stuff that you provided. We have had very similar paths. I'm sure we, even just the pre-conversation that we've had, there's so much excitement, energy, just brewing. So why don't we start with what you do and how you got started with what you do. Share a little bit about your story, who you are. In brief I had a completely different career, so it depends on how far back we want to go. But, prior to doing be, I'm a therapist and a coach, so essentially what I do is I predominantly work with women and help them pivot their heartbreak into the transcendence. And I'm sure that we'll talk about this. And you mentioned the magic word intuition before we came on as well. And it's very much reconnecting women to their deepest truist self because that's what I didn't have. So I went through a horrific heartbreak. And prior to that I was an actress and I had to change careers. I had acrophobia claustrophobia, and my whole career completely changed. For the better. Looking back now, I'm like, amazing. I'm glad it did. But at the time, you know, I was gripping on for dear life, trying to think, well, why is my life taking a shift? And now I know, as far as I'm concerned, my soul was going, you had to learn something there so that you could, you could do something here. And so for the last 16 years, I've been a therapist, a coach, which includes hypnotherapy, NLP, it started to get extremely spiritual and energetic over time too. I started to see things around clients that was in front of me and going wondering, why am I, why am I noticing these things? This is really interesting. How do I feel that the room is in, is kind of getting heavy before they release something. So I changed over the course of the last 16 years and especially the last seven, it kind of took up a notch and then I had a heartbreak. And then I'm sure we'll talk about this and terms of partnerships and the impact of heartbreak. I was floored. So I was already a therapist at this point. I was running in a clinic and nobody, there was lots of talking therapists and nobody knew how to help and I didn't wanna have to therapy myself through this'cause I was genuinely floored. I was running a business and I couldn't serve. I had to stop working with people'cause there's no way that we can serve other people if I couldn't even get outta bed, you know? I was like, oh my God, I've gotta run my business. And it was a horrendous, horrendous, horrendous time. And he dumped me two weeks before we were about to move in. So I had to get outta my house. I couldn't grieve all awful time and it was basically homeless, so I was like homeless and dumped and it was a bit of a nightmare. I couldn't run my business. And I had, I had some dark nights of the soul and went in and in a nutshell, found my own route. To real healing and realized there was like, essentially what I know now, like four steps. And I take women through these seemingly sound, very simple four steps, but there's, you know, some big gear shifts that go on. Okay. And I did those within, and I kind of, you know, I kind of got other people to go, can you just do this on me so I'm not overthinking it? So I, I need this, I need to get here. But I knew what it was that I needed, got through it, came out the other side of it and I was like, oh my God, there's something here. I'm suddenly very passionate about this. And now I take women through it and I've been taking women through this healing heartbreaks journey and, like fine tuned it and it's like a 12 week process and it takes them through this. So I've been running them through this for long enough and got 16 years experience, you know, doing the work that I do. The results are great. I'm really proud of it. The women that join it are phenomenal. And I'm just like, I just feel really, it's really bizarre how life works. Is it really? It's, I'm not really grateful to a person.'cause my, my God, without all of that, I know it sounds super corny, right? And if you're listening to this or watching this and you're going through it, I know it's gonna feel horrendous right now, but oh my God, there's gold in this. It's like I want to talk to you about the gold that happens during a breakup. Um, but I, you know, for fear of giving you a really long answer, that's, that is not so that's who I am, what I do. And obviously I'm based in the uk but I work every, you know, with women everywhere. Yeah. So, and you, you hit on a few key things there. Before you transitioned, I noticed you said you were gripping. How often do we grip on, hold on so tight to what we think. We want, what we desire, what we hold dear to our heart. And what happens if we slowly started to let that go? What happens? And often when we're going through it, we don't see the other side. Right. And that's why we're gripping because our nervous system, our brain, our fear response is like, I don't know what's on the other side. Well, I will, I live through this. Like literally our brains are trying to keep us safe. Right. So when you felt that gripping. Were you any kind of aware during that time as to you needed to start surrendering? Or was it truly completely after on the other side that you realized there's two grippings here? I think the one that I spoke about was my career grip. I mean, I still act, but it was a very, I was all in, I was my full-time thing and I, I. It was impossible. And there was the gripping onto the relationship, which was another thing, right? Yeah. And if you wanna, whichever feels more aligned. Yeah, definitely. They're really similar. And so it's the same pattern. It is. We don't know what we don't know, and the fear of the unknown. And this is something that I lean into big time with, with the clients by the time they get to stage four. The unknown is exciting. It's terrifying when it's all we know. And if we can't see, visualize and see and create these neural pathways to like where we're gonna get to. And all we know is what we've dreamt, imagined seen, created a whole personality around, a whole life around, and we have no image and no thought system and belief system around an alternative. Why on earth would we entertain it? Right. And our nervous system isn't like fine tuned, like all the dials haven't even not only seen this image or thought about this alternative life. So your nervous system isn't fine tuned it. It knows what it knows. It's like I say to these women, you know when it will, you'll put yourself in a prison and it will feel so familiar, better the devil. You know, because your nervous system's like, but I know this. Mm-hmm. He might be supervisor or he might be really narcissistic or this job, it just feels, even though I hate going to work, I dah, dah, dah, dah. You know, this job feels really familiar to my nervous system is what they're really saying. And so it's bridging women like to on, you know, claw, which is so human and totally how we are wired and we can't just jump on our own to do this. It's like. Because you've not got, you are not gonna look in your blind spots. That's why we need coaches, and I've got coaches and I'm a coach. You know, it's like I want somebody to look in my blind spot.'cause we're not gonna wanna look in those places that are fearful for us because we're designed not to. Right. Right. So the shock and all that happens is, oh my God, this is all I know and now I can't even cling onto that. And it creates massive panic. Yeah. And really something that I've learned throughout my journey is we will often stay in the uncomfortable of the familiar, because it is way too scary to jump to the other side. And that's why Yeah. Like you said, we need coaches, we need therapists, we need support of some form to hold us, guide us through that process. Not that we can't do it alone, but she'll see those blind spots. To reflect back to us what really is going on.'cause we're operating majority of the time by default, by past fears, by pinging between what we're afraid of, of the past and what we know and future tripping on what the worst case scenario is and keeping us safe in between, um, our brains. I mean, we gotta, at the same time as it can be frustrating and uncomfortable, we also have to remember to thank ourselves, thank our brains. It kept us alive to this point. It kept us here. We're still here. It's doing its job. And how much better can we be if we start to look and baby steps piece by piece. So what would be, when you notice you're starting to grip, even looking back,'cause I'm sure while you were going through the process of like your heartbreak. And even if you wanna tap into that, if you wanna share a little bit about your story of what the heartbreak looked like, you brought up some toxicity, um, potentially. I'm not sure if like, I'm not sure what the dynamic was, but we often get stuck in these relationships for fear of leaving no matter how good or bad they could possibly be. So if you wanna touch on that a little bit first. Um, yeah, there's, there's, there's some great things to talk about there. Um, you said, I think you said as well, how did I know to, to release from the grip? What's interesting to me and what's interesting to me about the women that I work with, and I'll definitely talk about my toxic patterns in a minute because there's plenty to talk about there, but what's. Interesting is that to me is that we, again, we dunno what we don't know. And we are walking around in a big old trance bubble and a breakup or a loss of some kind is often enough to burst the bubble of this trance. Mm-hmm. And so the very fact that you are aware that you are holding on is that you are now aware of something that you weren't aware of before. What I mean is that we can walk and talk our way through life and not realize that we're gripping onto things by the time it's got to the breakup. And you are seeing yourself grip, you are on the outside of a bubble. I know this is, this is quite a difficult concept when they're in, you're in the eye of your own storm. But from a coach's perspective on the outside, we can often see this and what I was doing and. Pretty much everybody does is grip to the known and what they've made meaning out of in that relationship. Now I've had, two very significant relationship situations where I was gripping on one, where I was in it for, which wasn't the heartbreak situation. I ended this finally when my friend lit a, a match underneath it.'cause he was sick of watching me go through it. But I was in this very, very long-term comfortable situation, whereas with, a very much older partner for 13 year relationship. And it got to a stage where it, I was really loved him and still care about him as a friend, but I wasn't in love anymore. And it felt like we were going different directions. And I was holding on because financially it was really secure and in other ways I didn't have to face things the way I needed to grow. And it felt really comfortable and familiar. But it was really deeply uncomfortable in deep reality because I was living in a place where I was like, oh my God, I'm not growing, but it's really comfortable for me. I don't have to kind of push myself. Mm-hmm. And so of that was like a, a shock and awe, but it was amazing for me. And then my business took off as well'cause I had to make it, it was like, oh my gosh, I have to make life work. And then everything took off. But then the breakup I was holding, sorry, you've got, you've got these loads to come to talk about here, isn't there? But then the breakup as well was a whole other case of holding onto a toxicity, which is a different kinda, hold on. Yeah. Can we pause to, because this is fascinating and I was having, similar type conversations that is, is sparking of, in that relationship, as you started to explore of this is really comfortable, this is really good, but you're not growing. But you're not, what would you say to the person who was starting to kind of sense that, but not really sure, who might have those insecurities of, but if I leave, even though it's good, but it's not quite aligned anymore, if I leave, that makes me a bad person. Or like what would they feel about worrying about managing somebody else's feelings? Or what about my finances? If I'm relying too much on this person and all those insecurities that come up from the outside of, I think this is the safest place for me to be, even though it's not the best place for you to be. Yeah, it's a fight, flight, freeze response. Actually. It's a safety, it's a safety thing. The nervous system's going, I'm safe here, and it's, it's not safe to go for what I want. It's very interesting thing. what would I say to somebody who's probably seeing the outside of this bubble, already going, like, if you have the thought, something's not right. There's, you are starting to see the trance, right. Prior to that, when you thought you were happy what was probably still really happening is you are not being true to yourself, but you are not awake to it yet. When you start to get the something's not right, you, it's time and it's bridging up from the unconscious to your conscious awareness. Now's time for growth. And so what I would say, and especially about wanting to sort of temper the, the feelings of somebody else and look after them, which is exactly what I did. I would say it's you are gonna pay in pain. So if you stay where you are. You are going to be cornering yourself incrementally over time as time inches for as soon as you become aware of it, the sooner you, you start to now plan forwards, get a coach, get support, start to get another person's opinion on it, to start to give you some stability and some foundation to what you're thinking so you're not thinking that you're spinning thoughts on your own. But now's the time to start to bridge towards like, why am I getting these feelings? Get some professional help, is what I would say getting a friend is, is. Potentially not the most ideal.'cause if they're, if they're a friend that just wants to say the right thing to you to keep you happy and they love your partner. I did this with a friend of mine. They were splitting up. I was devastated'cause I was like, I was like a third in the wheel, you know? I was like, I love them together. And it was like, I was, I was as devastated as he was. You know? And they'll wanna keep, keep you together. But if you are getting this sense that something's not right, professional help or a really great perspective from somebody who isn't biased, who can kind of look at things with you is gonna be massive. But please do, honor those thoughts and feelings that are coming up. And in terms of talking to that person in the right way. I was already a coach and therapist by this point, which is probably why we were starting to do this. You know, we were mm-hmm. To live very lives. And we were passing ships in the night. We were becoming different people. I designed my way. Out very consciously. I thought, how do I want him to feel? I know it's going to be as emotional as it's going to be. I don't want it to be any more emotional if I can possibly help it. So I want to do all the work I can do to make sure he doesn't have to mop up any mess. I wanna make sure there's like, it's all secure that side. So it's just gonna be about us emotionally. And I did some work around it and. To some people that might seem very premeditate, you know, you, you're gonna kind of meditating your way through it. Um, yeah, yeah. You, it's, it's with the other person in mind. And I, when I did tell him, I, I thought, how do I want him to feel when he hears these words? I don't need to be stood up in the kitchen, you know, I wanna make sure that he's sat or I want, I was just looking after him, you know, I was, wanted to make sure that just in case he has a wobble, I dunno, I just wanna really make, take care of the whole thing. Mm-hmm. And it was mm-hmm not great as a conversation. It was really bad, but it was absolutely a relief and it was absolutely the right thing to do. And, we're still friends with, so that's a testament to that. And he's absolutely moved on and it's great and he's a really important person, so you, it's not like you're gonna lose that person if you can design it. Well, I would say with that in mind, he knows that I did that and I think that went a long way. And then you also made a reference at the beginning. I wanna make sure I heard your, that once you made this decision. You stepped out into the uncomfortable your business for, right? Is that what you said? Everything exploded. Yeah. Because there's no backup plan, right? There's no backup plan, which is, I found that's really good. It was really good for me, because I couldn't hide. I was hiding. My friend James, who's a therapist, he was, we were on a course and he was like, he just lit fires under that whole thing. And he asked me all the questions I didn't wanna be asked. And so I was like, oh my gosh, the bomb's gone off underneath that. I can't go back from this. Thank you James. Right. Because it had to happen. And so. I realized I had to make that move. And because of the timeframe that I did it in as well, there was no planning forwards. And I just kind of left with what I had and then got my stuff and, well, there was a few months around that, but it, it really was healthy for me to do it. And then lockdown hit as well at that time as well. So I was like, oh, now I'm really on my own. Because I was like, everyone was isolated. Mm-hmm. But it was, it was very, very good for me. The whole thing was very good for me. I'm glad it happened like that. It was hugely challenging, but it's, in hindsight, it was amazing. Yes. And I think this conversation is just as important as the heartbreak conversation and the other relationship dynamic. If we can segue over to how did you know, like. Or maybe even speak to the dynamics of what that relationship was like. Like diving into that bit of your story and how from there, like bridging, this is where I'm at and it caused so much of this heartbreak, but when you lean into that heartbreak and that pain, it can cause that transformation. Oh, because often, yeah, you can't have transformation without pain. Pain is like the catalyst and pain one of my mentors says, and I absolutely love. But pain is inevitable. We're all gonna experience some kind of pain, but suffering is optional. So what do you do with that pain? So if we can start diving into a little bit of. For the other women who are in, whether they're still in that heartbreak or they're just starting to get on the other side, whether it's their choice or it was forced upon'em, how we can start moving forward from there. Gosh. So I'll talk about the moving forwards bit after the, the heartbreak itself.'cause you mentioned something really key here about can you, you know, you can't have transformation without pain. And I think the idea is, is to get to know yourself so much that you don't have to let things get so painful in order to do transformations in your life. But, you know Have to do that. Do we wait until the, so it's so painful that we don't have any choice. But, he, he definitely ended, so my situation was that he ended it with me and it was already slightly volatile, but I, I thought I was very in love. What I now know is that. And I kind of knew this before, but I didn't see it in myself. We are so attracted, like, attracted to our unhealed patterns. And so we would mirror each other in all the stuff that, you know, you and you find annoying about the other person, it's typically the kinda stuff that you haven't healed within yourself, you know? Mm-hmm. And I conveniently, you know, in this relationship that I was in and we were so similar in so many ways, and also I thought, oh, he's my soulmate. Somebody had mentioned that he's my soul. And I'd kind of latched onto this idea as well, which was just like, I hear this now as well, so often with other women, it's, we are gonna latch onto anything we can to make it. The one we have to fight for. And it's like, I was fighting for toxicity. I was fighting for unhealed patterns, I thought, and he thought the same thing. We would say it together. It's like, if only we could just go through therapy together and get ourselves to a stage where we could actually make this work. This was at the beginning, like it was the most intense rocky two and a half years, but I felt a real bang wow sense of love, like that kind of connection I'd never had before. And it kind of poked in a lot of things which I'd never healed. It was phenomenal. Again, in hindsight, it had to happen. I grew so much from that, so to speak, to those women who are in this right now and they're experiencing a lot of pain. It's gonna be very unique to your situation. What I would say is. Look at what the pain is really about. What is it that the ex partner provided for you such that if you had that within yourself, you wouldn't feel the loss of it? Because there's this huge, what I noticed, like without this ex, I felt like this enormous lack and I realized I felt worthless. I thought I was ugly, worthless, not good enough. There was all these negative beliefs, stuff I thought I'd worked on, and it was things that were so deep. It was a whole other layer. And it was raw. And this is what I say to women when they kind of come and work with me on the heartbreak is that the heartbreak isn't the problem. The heartbreaks, the symptom, like the relationship is often a symptom of a deeper rooted problem, which is more about how are you feeling about yourself because how you know, you can look, I heard this and this is not mine, but I absolutely love it. You can tell how much somebody loves themselves by the partner that they choose. Yeah. And when I think about that, and I just think how he treated me. Not great. And the things he would say and the arguments we would had, and the total lack of support. I was talking to my brother recently about this. Gosh, I couldn't believe, I can't believe I didn't see all of this at the time. Mm-hmm. And he was never on my side, you know, and, you know, kind of like, you want somebody, at least one, one kind of, you know, soldier on your side in kind of conversations. He was never on my side, you know, so I, there wasn't anything about this relationship in my situation. That was good. That was good, you know? It was like roast tinted glasses, glory. But he was bringing up all the stuff that I hadn't healed. It was amazing for growth, for soul growth. It was obviously, yeah, he was a soulmate because he was probably kind of going, we're gonna come in and if you haven't sorted this by then I am gonna sort this out for you. That's what soulmates are, not necessarily life partners. They're like, I'm such a good friend to you. I'm gonna be such a mm-hmm. In this relationship. You can't but not heal. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I love that reframe. So it was hard core. It was hard. It was like the marines of relationships and I was fighting for it because I did, I love him at a soul level. I love the bones of him. I just can't be with it. I just, it's not a good romantic matter. We aren't a good match in that way, but wow. Was it a school? So if you are in this. Pain. I'm really sorry if you're listening to this or watching this and you are in this awful pain. It's matters of the heart. It hits you right in the place, which is the core of you. And it's like having an earthquake open up the ground and a ripped tear has happened'cause an outcome has occurred that you weren't planning for. So it's like the plaster has ripped off and there's this wound, but, but bot. All the gold's coming up. It's like all of the stuff onto the surface, it's like panning for gold and all the stuff comes up to clear. It's like happening on the planet, isn't it? It's like, mm-hmm. It's like the gold panning iss happening. It's like, mm-hmm. All this stuff has to come up and clear and heal for you to be whole, beautiful, amazing, self-accepting, loving yourself, all the good stuff. So there, this is a gift, even though I know you won't feel it right now, but having been through it and come out the other side of a pretty awful, horrific version of it and deferred many with women over the years, you will get through it. You will. And if you don't zip up and try and carry on and function, and I'd love to talk more about this. Yeah. If you allow yourself to see what's coming up and face it with the right help.'cause it is tough to do on your own, especially even if you're a therapist and you know, you think you know what you're doing right. Because it, it's all your stuff you don't wanna see. Yeah. If you zip on women, zip up and function. Right. Especially if you've got children, it's like I have to. It's like this is your one time opportunity, especially if you're over 35 because it's this, you are coming into your wisdom years, the menopause years, which is like the second spring. You know, it's like you are coming into your wisdom years. So if you zip up and try and function, you'll push it all down and you'll still live within the old paradigm bubble, which was what created the attraction to that old toxic pan in the first place. So even though you're going through pain, this is the most amazing opportunity to go. I know there's gold here with the right guidance, the right help so that I can transcend this and become like the phoenix from the flames of this whole situation. Because where do you know like women of the wisdom keepers, like we are, we are one of only two species on the planet that has grandmas. Have you heard about this? Mm-hmm. Us and elephants. And the reason why we have grandmas is because we are the, we're the wisdom keepers. So like elephants, the elephant, grandmas the older female because every other species though, the woman's given birth, they're kind of a bit redundant right now. No, not us, because menopause saves us. So it allows us to then go into this next stage of being the wisdom keepers for the next generation. So we are women over 35 going through a breakup. If you really healed this stuff, you can then go into the next stage season of your life wise. You know, healing is superseding painful wisdom. That's what healing is. It's not bashing pillows or crying out. It's the supersedes of like painful wisdom. So if you can do all of that and come into your wisdom is you, are you, you're gonna completely realign your life. And that's what we, we both would want for any woman going through heartbreak. Yes, absolutely. And you just, everything that you said is so like needed, needed to be heard, needed to be felt, needed to be experienced. But we often, yeah, we wanna put our blinders on. We wanna put our rose colored glasses on. And one of the first things that I learned in my healing journey is with like that soul partner with that. It was one of those early on, I said I was never gonna date again. I didn't wanna be in any kind of relationship again. Like this relationship was so hard and like broke me to the core in a way that I wouldn't want to experience again. And I also was thinking from the mindset is I don't wanna project my stuff onto somebody else because that wouldn't be fair to somebody else. But as I was healing, as I was working through my stuff, I heard somebody say one time, and this is something exactly that you said, but in different words of the way you prevent having toxic relationships. You know yourself, your true, authentic self. You meet your own needs, your own desires. Of course, we are humans. We are made for community. We are made for connection. We need that. And at the same time, we need to be able to meet ourself first. We need to be our own best friend. We need to be in love with ourself before we can be in love with somebody else, otherwise that somebody else can manipulate. A lot of the toxicity comes from manipulation, somebody else pulling the puppet strings, getting you to do what they want you to do, and you not being either knowing what you want yourself until it comes up and you're like, this doesn't feel good, but I don't feel like I'm secure enough in myself to be able to stand up and say,'cause then what would they think? And did it all the thing, all the stories coming up. So we mold and we conform and we twist, and we put ourselves in nuts to meet somebody else's needs and then here comes that pain. So starting to notice,'cause awareness is far straight. We have to be aware of what we're not aware of and noticing and then getting curious and then seeking support, like you said. Like coaches need coaches. Therapists need therapists. Doctors need doctors. We all need other people to help us see where we can't see ourselves and pull this through the process. I'd love to share something with you actually about you, something you've just mentioned, because what you've just said is absolutely on the nail of, of what I, as well, I kind of discovered, like you, I, had a moment in my dark night of the soul of all of this, and I had to go so deep inside and realized, as you could probably guess, with all the native beliefs that I had going on, that I didn't love myself at all, that I didn't even know what connection was. And I felt so alone and so alone also meant for me spiritually alone, not connecting it in any way to any kind of energetic support. I didn't know where I was in my life and I had to, I remember it was like I had to go so, so deep. Inside to refine myself, which is the step three of what I help women do.'cause I realized it's not just about healing the emotions, it's not just about healing. The heartbreak, which is your most predominant thing that you are thinking about is a problem. Like right now I have heartbreak and the emotions are like this. I know that they're a massive problem right now, but that isn't the real problem. But they need to be healed. But the real problem is why you walked and talked yourself into that relationship in the first place. Mm-hmm. And we are on, we have backseat drivers called the unconscious mind. And the unconscious mind has been driving you into a compelling feeling to do certain things, go for certain jobs or not an avoidance or, or a compelling towards motivation. But if you don't know who you really are. Not only are you not lit from within so that the right person can see you if you dunno who you are. It's like I was living my life from within these negative beliefs, dating the wrong people. I was, I was living a completely wrong life. It's like the whole idea of who I was. Like so many women that I talk to and show this bubble too, the beliefs that you have and the lack of self-esteem and the lack of confidence, that's not the real you. The real use underneath that, like, so you are living in this bubble idea of who you think you are. That's not the truth of who you are. The truth of who you are at like soul level is powerful, amazing, beautiful. Look. If you are not functioning like that, you are off a step. And so I'd been living this whole. Idea identity of myself probably long time. Mm-hmm. And so what, and I'm not talking therapy bashing here, but what talk talking therapies do is they often talk to you and you get really expert at something you are not. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, you don't wanna get expert at something. You are not. You wanna see the symptomology, the symptoms of your life to go if I'm not aligned. They're pointing out to me that I'm not aligned. If I'm not feeling powerful in my power and confidence, something's not right. If I'm not feeling self-loving, I'm off alignment. It's like if you go to a chiropractor or you know, an osteopath, I'm not sure what they're called in the states, but hopefully like, you know, an osteopath or a chiropractor. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And your back is out of alignment. You don't try and then, play football or kind of like walk around or, or do life without, you go to an hospital to get your back clicked in or the bones kind of re realigned, you know? Mm-hmm. But we don't do that with our mental health. And it's like we just talking through, and I learned this and I'm not disparaging it. I spent a lot of money on talking therapy in the past. Mm-hmm. But in neuroscience, it's been proved as well to make your problem worse if you're not mapping the brain to a solution. So people just get experts on what they're not blaming their partner. Getting expert on their story. And I promise you that's not where the healing lies. The healing lies on what you mentioned earlier, which is you've gotta know yourself. Mm-hmm. And you've got to love yourself and you've got to learn how to bridge it. And that's really scary'cause that calls you out. But it's scary, but it's easy, by the way. You'll think it's scary, but it's not hard. It's just a journey you've not made yet. that's why's scary because you haven't made it yet. your brain is like, we haven't done this. We don't know what's on the other side. Stop. But offering yourself that level of safety and Yeah. I, I found early in my journey, I was doing a lot of mindset work, which is a lot of the talk therapy, right? It's changing your mind. It's mindfulness, which is all great. We need that. And we need to get into the body. We need to go deeper. We need to get to the root, the root lives in the body because we're 20% mind. So if you're just working on the mind, you're working on changing your mind and you're looking at all the symptoms and you're gonna keep circling the out. And there was oftentimes where I'm like, why am I circling the mountain? Like, I thought I was healed. I thought I was good. What is wrong with me? And then I started finding some of more of the breath work and somatic tools and Yeah. And going deep. And I'm like, oh yeah. And, and what's amazing about that is when you go deep and you can release it, you don't need to know the story. Yes. You don't, the story is keeping you stoked. if you wanna look at'em, you can, if there's some kind of security blanket in it. But I also invite you to allow stuff to move up and out without having to look at it. And how much better that feels like my first breathwork session. Then I did when I let, and at first it was hilarious. I, she was, I was thinking, oh, this isn't gonna work for me. I'm gonna be the one person that this doesn't work for.'cause we were like about three minutes in right before I fully dropped into the body.'cause the mind wants to keep on mine then mind wants to keep on line. But if you keep breathing, if you keep allowing yourself to go deep, once you go deep like this release, this weight, this shift happened and all the emotions just came flooding. And they weren't like bad. Sometimes we like to push the emotions away'cause they feel bad. The emotions are a, they're cleansing, they're moving stuff out. Yeah. That you don't need to experience anymore. And when I got done with that, I'm like, oh my gosh, I feel like I just sat down so much baggage. And I know it's not all gone. I know there's more in there, but we just tipped the iceberg of. We need both.'cause the body will keep feeding the mind. So if you don't do the body-based work we'll keep traversing the same stories. It's amazing the, the bodies, how much the body holds. I mean, John Sarno's book, you know, the body keeps the score and Yeah. You know, the, the physical density of the body is the last to catch up. And I always say, you know, when I'm working with women, taking them through the full stages of healing their heartbreak, I often invite body workers in to kind of like, and say, you must do some body work because the physical body, the autonomic nervous system and your physical body, it's like a, you know, it, it needs, and I do physical practices that I work with a neuroscientist on as well, but you've, you need some physical release and the somatic release that you are talking about with breath work is extraordinary. Those kind of things are so necessary to support yourself. Like we're the story. That old fashioned way of working is so outmoded, it will keep you stuck. You are a physical being, you're a spiritual being in a physical body, but they're working in symbiosis with each other and they are going to take that impact differently. So there's all these different levels. You've got the spiritual level of healing on it. You've got the physical level of healing on it. You've got the mental level of healing it and the emotional level of healing it. If you're not addressing it at those levels, you're missing probably a connection somewhere where you're still connected and running a pattern. So this is fantastic. the breathwork sounds amazing, like that sounds a phenomenal way to address accessing a lot of that emotion in one go. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It really is. And, you know, with breath work too. There's caveats to it. There's, and I was having this conversation with a girlfriend of mine the other day, and she was talking about how she heard somebody talking about breath work and about how it can be re-traumatizing or it can be releasing, and I'm like, yes, it can if you're not trauma informed. Yeah. And if you're not giving people choice, and if you're going to a breathwork session and you feel like you don't have choice and somebody's pushing you and pushing you and pushing you, and you're at your capacity to what you can release and they blow you out, that can retraumatize, that can cause issues. Whereas if you're held in your capacity and you play with that window, you play with those boundaries. You're expanding ever so slightly without blowing yourself outta water. you're recognizing, you're listening to your body and your body leading of saying, this is uncomfortable, but I'm okay with this. This is uncomfortable, but I'm okay with this. Two, I'm not okay with this. And you're not listening, so now you no longer feel safe. So it's amazing how all of this work. Can you gotta have safety first. I'd love to talk to that. That's so brilliant. When you, like, when you, just to kind of go back so that people aren't scared of what you've just said as well, just in case they kind of hear that and think, oh, I don't wanna re-traumatize, like with the right help. This is, this is how it can work. Mm-hmm. when you've, and this is again, well, I'm not a fan of counseling and talking therapy for trauma. It's like when you are talking about something or you are. Opening the box, you are triggering something. You've got a 20 minute window thereabouts. Mm-hmm. To remap to a solution. So you are staying in the pain and it's getting bigger. And there's no held, there's no neurochemistry, which is mapping the brain to neurons that have never met before. Like your trauma's never met calm before. Like your trauma's never met the it's okay. Thought before. And with that, it's okay. Thought is a lot of calm state, which that part of your trauma, part of you is never shook hands with before. It's never that neuron has never met that neuron before. Whereas if you just traumatize and then it gets bigger and you talk about it more, you are not mapping the brain to a solution. So with trauma informed therapists and coaching with breath work where you've, and you've gotta this AMPA receptor on your brain, it is gotta be triggered for it to be plasticized. You know, the neuroplasticity has gotta be a waste. Mm-hmm. You know, the lights on the Christmas tree have to be on for you to see like where they are on the tree. So when your nervous system there gotta be switched on for you to then pla the plasticity to then be moved and shift and changed. So there's gotta be some element of trigger mm-hmm. To change. Mm-hmm. With the right help. It doesn't have to be as bad as it was or, and by the way, you've probably processed a lot of it anyway with your sleeping and dreaming and with some new perspectives. Mm-hmm. Fear emotions. And how bad they're gonna be. But being held in the right place and being held through it to bridge and to get learning in the nervous system and to get learning in the unconscious mind mm-hmm. It's profound. And change can be rapid. Your brain, your cells talk to each other in light. Mm-hmm. Think of how quick it takes us to like, code a problem. That should be the speed at which we can heal it. Mm-hmm. Not talk about it for 10 years, I mean, therapy for 10 years, like mm-hmm. So breath work triggers stuff off. But those, that chemistry and the, the different brainwave states and the delta wave brainwave states are gonna absolutely pave the pathway for amazing healing state. So there are so many amazing modalities out there with the right help where you could, you could, you don't have to stay in this bone and not long. Right. It's there to show you like it's going, something's not right. That's all that it's there for. It's going, something's not right. Change this. That's what it's there. Yeah. Yeah. And like with, like you said, with any modality with the right person and the right tools.'cause all the different tools can be used at different times and whatnot. And I even, as you were sharing, even with like a therapist who is supposed to be trauma informed, who works with trauma can, if they're not aware and connected with you personally. So just paying attention. Like I invite anybody who's listening, who's processing, because my daughter experienced this, she was working with, a trauma therapist and he insisted that exposure therapy was the only way to heal her trauma. And it re-traumatized her every time. Re-traumatized her every time he was making her sit in the story. And I'm like, she was telling me what was happening. I'm like, no, we're not doing this anymore. I'm like, no, no, no, no. I'm like, why is it like, as soon as we're broaching a new, session, you're pretty much back to normal. But then as soon as you have a session and you're all dysregulated and you're all, yeah. And it, and it's in a spin. And it's in a spin and it's a, it's finally she gets back to regulated and she meets with him again, and she's like, has to justify why she's not doing her homework of sitting. Oh gosh. And I'm like, yeah, there's other ways she goes, but he says, there's not. And I'm like, oh gosh. There are other ways. And we'll explore what those are. So even like my invitation for anybody who's experiencing something that doesn't feel right, it can be uncomfortable. I used to say it. It's hard. It's not hard. It's uncomfortable. Healing is uncomfortable. But there's a release on the other side. There's freedom on the other side. It feels good on the other side, not sitting in your stuff spinning and it staying dysregulated is not healing. I get, I'm so sorry that your daughter went through that, that I, and I hope she's okay now. I hope that yes, she's not with that, um, that methodology, but if you are also going to kind of the therapies and you are walking out of that office or you're getting off that zoom call and you are not feeling like there's been a map to a solution, you're not feeling regulated, something's not right. It's like we've, like, we've have this amazing 20 minute window to create change. It might be that it's allowing you to uncover more that's different. It's because you healed something. The brain's going, oh, I love this. We're starting to shift and move. So what about this next? That's slightly different. Like if you are going over the same thing over and over again and you are being exposed to this pain and it's not healing, it's not feeling measurably, testable, gone. It's not feeling like the nervous system can calm. You are in fight flight in your therapy sessions. And when you're out there, please know and seek other things. The problem with Google is it's like our brain. It's like whatever you put in, you get out. So change what you're putting into Google. So that shifts your algorithm as to who you're bringing in. It's like search for solutions, not for problems. search for people who have healed from what are the things which will heal or work with one of ours if you're going through this problem. it's like you always search for what you want. And we are so biased towards the negative that they can often bring up old fashioned methodologies that feel safe, They're just not good for us. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I, at the same time, I wanna be so respectful of your time, but I wanna invite you to share about your four steps. And I wanna progress too before you do. You made reference to how they're simple, quote unquote simple, but there's a lot to'em. And I just wanna add this nuance from my own perspective of when I started, as I've been on my journey, you hear that language of four simple steps to this, five simple steps to that, seven simple steps to that. But then the caveat of going deep was never all. prefaced with it. So you would get the quick, for lack of better words, like lead magnet of these are the steps you take. And I often would wonder, what's what's wrong with me?'cause it's not working for me. But it was'cause my nervous system was protecting me of stuff. One is this, it would go deep. And I wasn't being held in the container to go deep and I had my own self biases in my brain trying to keep me safe. So I just wanna add to that just because something says it's simple. Things can be simple, but yet they can also go deep. So with that simplicity, allowing yourself the grace in the space to, to explore, to get curious, to let it move through. Brilliant. Yeah, I'd love, we're so aligned in what we do. Like the way you talk about it is, is just absolutely how I approach it. Because you've mentioned a really, really important part. So there are four steps, but the container is as important. Like, so the container is part of this process. If you don't have the right container and it's also got a timeframe on it.'cause the brain will take as long as it's given, right? So the UNC will take as long as it's given, it's not some nebulously, open-ended kind of like week on, week on week. It's not. But the four steps that I genuinely recommend happens because I have to go through it and fine tune this. And it used to be three steps. So these aren't just plucked and made to sound. There are genuinely four steps and they have to be in this order as I found out. And you can't go onto the next steps without having completed the first ones. But the first four, the four steps, the first one is we must identify the real root cause. So we have like all these symptoms of life on the surface, you're bumping into the furniture of life. As in look at the patterns in your relationships. What do you notice? How have you been made to feel consistently over life? Follow the feeling, track the feelings. Where have you felt this before? How ultimately does this make you feel? And at the deepest level, in your amazing, amazing unconscious mind, and your unconscious mind knows everything about you, your unconscious mind will have its version of the root cause. And I do wanna preface this and say, your root cause is not gonna be what you think and it's not gonna be a person place thing or happening. It's not a thing that you can blame. It is not gonna be outside of you because we, you know, it's so much easier, isn't it, to blame somebody else and then put it, the problem is if you blame somebody else, your unconscious mind, which is in charge of healing itself, it will think it's somebody else's problem to solve. And so it won't expend that energy on solving it. So we've gotta take ownership of it. Isn't that giving your power away too? Absolutely. A hundred percent. Giving your power away, which is another way of putting it. So that's it. You would be giving your power away. And we want our power back, do we not? Mm-hmm. So the first, the absolutely first thing we've gotta do once we've like cleared the looping thoughts in the immediacy, fear any stress, and get that nervous system calm, the real first step is root cause. And root cause is like underneath, right down at the bottom, underneath the behaviors, the attachment styles, All of the behaviors, the reactions, the choices, and then the surface level anxieties, compelling habits, all of that sits on top of this root cause. It's phenomenal how much it's got to answer for. So that's step one. Step two is healing that root cause. But once you are targeting this root cause, right down at the bottom, once you're targeting that, you are targeting one thing, you are not trying to plate spin and manage loads of different symptoms.'cause when you heal the root cause, inadvertently the symptoms, which are actually little messengers to tell you something's not right. the emotions also clear and disappear with this root cause, which is people blame the emotions as a problem and the emotions are there to get your attention. To say something really is out of alignment. Right now, something's not right and we don't wanna shoot the messenger. anxiety's not a problem. It's like your smoke alarm going off to tell you that you're burning the dinner. You know, you don't wanna get rid of the smoke alarm. You wanna listen to it and then track it. Like where's this going? So we wanna look at where the emotions leading us. So all roads lead to Rome and we'll find this root cause and we heal it, measurably, testable, heal it. And so we are looking at, in a 12 week program in under 12 weeks, five, four or five, you've healed it. That's where a lot of therapies aim and where they stop. If they aim at the root cause often they're just working on S but this is where we begin. Mm-hmm. Step three is now say hello to yourself.'cause now you've no longer, you've stepped out of that bubble that I said, you know, that I was in and I'd been living this life of not being good enough and somehow managed to sustain and existence and a career and a kind of life of avoidances and. Living within the limitations of this paradigm. When that was gone, I needed to find who I was. I lost myself in that relationship. Mm-hmm. I was lost. I'd like, like completely abandoned myself for his decisions and had no confidence. So I had to be reconnected to who I really was. So step three is self-love and really discover who you really are. What is really, really right for you? Who are you really? What are your real true inherent skills? What is your deepest. Knowing about yourself, where can you find that deep intuition and that amazing wisdom? And when we women connect to this, oh my gosh, it's very moving to, because I'm guide, you know, women, your unconscious mind's gonna heal itself, you know, with the right container. But to kind of like get your unconscious mind to connect with you and to teach women how to do this. You've got it for life. It's very moving. I see women go from just awful situations and very emotional feeling like a small mouse, you know, in life to just. Looking amazing and transcendent and beautiful and very powerful. And, you know, they'll have a often have a little cry. And I'm kind of thinking, gosh, this is very, very powerful moving to watch. In fact, Jo, we've, she allowed us to use her connection and it's, I've popped it on my website. So if you are interested in knowing like what that looks like, just watching somebody connect to their deepest higher self from in their heart center right in the core is quite moving. Mm-hmm. So if you do that, you are then lit from within you, then know yourself. And if you know yourself, then you know what you want. So step four is goal setting in relationships in life, which is what women try and do at the beginning. It's like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna get out there and carry on and I'm just gonna go on holiday, or maybe I should just get my hair cut, maybe I should make some change. It's like, no, you've gotta put, that's way, way in the future.'cause right now your goal set according to your current limitations. So when you've healed those limitations and you've now connected to who you really are and you've got the ladder down there to this place, you've now got this inner autonomy. You're feeling really calm, you're feeling really confident, and now you can make choices. Now you can see the right way ahead. You're not doing a 360 spin. It's like, now I know who would be right for me. Now I know what would be good for me. I know what I want. And it's very, very, very empowering and you can't do one step before the other. So those I hope make sense. And they are four simple sounding. Stage four steps, two, complete life realignment, which is what A break, which is what your pain right now is going. It's the whisper in your heart to go, you are ready. Mm-hmm. It's like, it's like nature. Your an, you know, your bones, your cells are going now's time. This is the last time you have to feel like this. Mm-hmm. He like feel the pain of the Heartbreakers, the ancestral whisper to finally heal those patterns that might have been going on for a very, very, very long time. Be the change and then start to realign yourself forward. So it's the last time it has to be this bad. So good. So good. If people wanna work with you, how do they find you? I know you referenced to your website, so I'll make sure I include that in the show notes. Where is that the best place or where are other places people can connect with you? Mean that is the best place to go and read about what I do and to get a bit more knowledge about me. So Diane Beck coaching.com. And then there's the heartbreaks button. there's the place to kind of go in and have a look at healing heartbreaks, but also there's YouTube and Instagram and all of my social medias are at Diane Beck Coaching. So Diane with one N and Diane Beck. I just tried to keep it really simple so that people can find me. Yes. And there's also a free download. So for women that are listening to this that are also just going, oh, I just want a little bit of help right now, I do have a free download that they can go and get free, completely free, and it's at healing heartbreaks.com. So if they want that and they just wanna start getting out for your listeners, you can kind of go on there and get free. Download healing heartbreaks.com. It will give you some guidance. I'm, I wanna kind of give you some mirror back to your situation to say, have you considered this? This might be why you are stuck.'cause that's the first thing. I just feel really stuck. I dunno what to do. So there's a whole booklet there for you. If you want some help to move forward. That's so generous. Thank you so much. And before I ask my final question I wanna offer, was there anything that we haven't talked about that you wanted to make sure you touched on? no, not really. I think this, I've really loved our conversation and like so in flowed and we're so in tune with each other. The only thing is more of a, a promotional thing is that I'm doing a healing heartbreaks retreat the end of the year for women as well. So for those women that wanna do an in-person that's gonna be in Greece, so that's the end of the year in October, which is obviously completely different, but it's a whole week of intense work of doing those four stages, but in person. Awesome. yeah. But that's on the website so they can go and find some details about that. But yeah, I've absolutely loved talking to you and we are so in alignment with what we do. Yeah. So if you have time, I have one final question that I ask you. Yes, please. What does loving your life mean to you? Loving your life? Loving my life means to me, being content within myself and inherently knowing it's, it's a game. It's a joyful game. And to understand it's completely about learning. And when I remember that I enjoy things, it's like a learning how to create balance. So loving myself and loving my life is understanding from spiritual perspective. This is a school I'm here to learn and to not take it so seriously, you know? Love that. Yes. Not take it so seriously. Have fun. You can get so invested in the drama, you know? The drama's like the drama's, the score. But you know, if it was like the teacups, you know, at the, at the right, we would never get on it. We need a bit of rollercoaster. Right. We wouldn't come down here. It's like the Marines down here isn't, it's like, it's the toughest planet, you know? It's the toughest place. So it's like remembering to zoom out and just think, Hey, you know, I'm, this is happening for me, not to me. You know? Yes. And you always have choice and you, you have choice in how you wanna look at it. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Yes. Absolutely. You always have choice. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you so very much Well, what did you think? I truly hope that today's conversation with Diane reminded you that heartbreak does not have to be the end of your story. Sometimes it's the very thing that cracks us open so we can discover our true worth, reclaim our power, and love our life in a whole new way. You can connect with Diane. at Diane Beck coaching.com/healing heartbreaks. You can find her on Instagram and Facebook at Diane Beck Coaching and grab her free resource that she was so generous to provide@healingheartbreaks.com. I'll include all of that information in the show notes below. If you're ready to experience healing in your own body, I invite you to check out the practicum portion of my somatic coaching while there's still available, or I would love to have you join me at my monthly breath work circle Again, both of tho, the information for those can be found in the show notes flow. And I'm creating something new just for this community. So be the first to know by following the podcast, joining my email list or connecting with me on Instagram or Facebook. If this conversation touched your heart, share it with a friend. Subscribe or follow wherever you listen and leave a review. It really helps us to reach more women who are ready to heal. And until next time, remember, even in heartbreak, you are whole. You are worthy, and you are deeply loved.