00:00
Welcome to regulate, and rewire and anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong. And I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in.
00:27
If you're someone who has struggled with anxiety or depression, you are no stranger to the plague of over thinking of your brain's incessant need to predict every possible situation plan for the worst case scenario try to control every tiny variable of a situation. And it is exhausting not just because your brain won't shut up. But because overthinking can create a very real stress response in our body that actually, physically can wear us out as well.
01:02
So here's the thing. When it comes to overthinking our nervous system, it doesn't know the difference between real or imagined stress, past or present situations. So when you play out the worst case scenario in your mind, or you replay a past situation over and over and over again, in your mind, it often plays out in our body as well, putting us into those same states of feeling anxious or nervous or guilty, putting us into those survival responses of fight flight, freeze or shutdown. And overthinking is one of the most common things that we associate with anxiety or even depression. And I often will refer to it and may throughout this conversation today, as well as our spiraling thoughts. And there are different flavors of overthinking and recognizing the flavor that you fall kind of victim to most often can be really helpful awareness in eventually hitting the brakes and pausing and turning away from overthinking when it's not serving us.
02:08
But before we dive into some of the different flavors of overthinking, I want to briefly talk about the difference between planning and like preparing or problem solving, versus overthinking. And if we have been kind of an anxious over thinker for a long time, that line might feel pretty blurry. So I want to clear that up a little bit based on my definitions and how I support clients and differentiating between helpful problem solving and unhelpful, overthinking or catastrophizing. And surprise, surprise. The key difference is whether these thoughts are happening from a place of nervous system regulation, or dysregulation. And a key difference is in how you feel while thinking these thoughts. And this is often reflected in the tone of the questions that you're asking.
03:00
So, when I am talking to clients about this, I often refer to what I'm about to tell you as the two tones of what if, so your what if questions are not necessarily the problem. It's how you are asking them. So for example, I had a client who was planning for a trip, she was going on with her family. And she's someone who has previously struggled with dissociation, some depersonalization, where she really feels like she's outside of her body, also some Derealization, or she'll be in a social setting and get so overwhelmed that everything kind of starts to blur and feel, she starts to feel detached from the environment around her. So depersonalization and derealization are two different flavors of kind of this dissociation, this disconnection. And she was afraid that this would show up while she was on her trip, and it would put her or her family or her kids in a difficult situation. So she came into the coaching call. And her head was just spinning and spiraling with all of these what ifs, like, what if I'm driving with my kids, and I start to zone out? What if we're out to dinner, and my Derealization happens, and everything around me starts to fade away? Like what if I put my husband in an awkward situation, or I don't want to make him worry, or if I put my kids in a bad situation? What will people think of me and so on? And the tone of these questions came from a place of dysregulation, right? It was like, Well, what if what if, what if, what if, what if, what if what if with that is overthinking.
04:29
And so what I had this beautiful opportunity to support her in in this session was to help her tune in and regulate her nervous system for a moment. So I said, Okay, let's take this situation. And let's hit pause. How do you feel in your body right now? And she's like, I feel really anxious and overwhelmed. I said, How do you feel about getting to a place where you feel a little bit more calm and President and controlling your body and then turning back towards some of these worries? And so we did some tangible regulation together and that session to help her get more regulated to feel more grounded.
05:05
And then I calmly asked back some of those questions to her. So I said, All right, you're on this trip. So what if, what if you are driving, and you start to feel yourself zone now? What might that look like? What could you do if that if that were to happen? You know, and we talked it out. And I said, what, if you are out to dinner, and you start to feel yourself kind of slipping into this derealization, what might that look like? Or feel like? What could you do if that did start to happen? And what if you didn't struggle with any of these things? What might your trip look like then? If those things didn't show up for you? Is there anything you could do proactively, before you go on this trip, or before you go out to dinner, to help you feel a little bit more regulated? And so on, and we just went through some of the exact same questions that she had previously asked. But in a different tone. These are the two tones of what if questions, and within just a handful of minutes, she was able to articulate that her husband is really supportive when these things have happened in the past, and she could talk to him before the trip about her concerns, and use him as a safe and grounding person to co regulate to if it happened, while they were out. He would be able to make an excuse for her to take a moment if she needed to step outside, or just to have some moments for herself.
06:38
She acknowledged that she was going to need to build in some intentional downtime during this trip to decompress. And Whoa, what a difference in this. In this was a pretty short session together. We went from overthinking and catastrophizing to problem solving in a way that allowed her to have a plan to feel more confident in her ability to handle whatever, whatever came up.
07:07
And so you've likely heard me share before one of my favorite anxiety reframes is that is an overestimation of threat paired with an underestimation of your ability to manage that threat. And so here in the session, I was able to support her in some nervous system regulation work, so that her brain didn't feel the need to keep overestimating the threat. And so that she could do some rational problem solving to increase her confidence in her ability to manage that threat. That threat being if dissociation showed up on her trip.
07:36
And so in summary, overthinking involves excessive rumination or worry or an over analysis that increases anxiety and stress. That often puts us into a freeze response, where we're so overwhelmed that we get stuck. overthinking often paralyzes us into this place of feeling unproductive, it's time consuming. And we create a very narrow focus, where we put a magnifying glass on all of the negatives or the worst case scenarios. While problem solving is more purposeful, structured, and goal oriented. It happens when we're regulated. And we can approach a situation with curiosity, with flexibility.
08:26
So anytime you're looking at a situation and you feel really rigid or activated, that is going to contribute to overthinking. And our state determines our story. So when we're feeling activated those body based alarms, there's not a whole lot we can do to stop the overthinking, we are not going to be able to out think an overthinking problem. And so understanding that the reason that we're overthinking is because of these body based alarms, we can turn towards the proper tool, which would be to regulate or to distract ourselves to bring down the intensity that we're feeling in our body. And that's automatically going to turn down the volume on the overthinking so that we can come into a place where we are more goal oriented, we can find a solution we can utilize curiosity, resourcefulness, creativity, instead of continuing to spiral in a dysregulated direction.
09:19
And so why is the nervous system the key difference between the two? So we know that when you're in the state of survival mode, your prefrontal cortex, your logical brain, this is the problem solving part of your brain. When you're in the states of fight, flight or freeze, that part of your brain gets kicked off like literally electrochemical energy that keeps your brain functioning. It's reallocated to our survival reflexes to our survival brain. So when you're in these dysregulated states of fight, flight, freeze or shutdown, you literally do not have access to as much of this logical part of your brain making it harder and harder and harder to reverse that overthinking spiral with brain power alone.
10:07
So in a little bit, I'll share with you some thought based reframes to help you with your overthinking. But what I often support clients with the most is again, in understanding that they're overthinking is a symptom of dysregulation in their body. And if they can take just a minute or two to regulate their nervous system first, to calm down and take the edge off this body based alarm. This will help to bring their logical brain back online in a way that helps them shift from spiraling to more problem solving.
10:41
So, a little while ago, we talked about some of the flavors of overthinking. And these are sometimes referred to as cognitive dysfunctions or thinking errors, etc. But the two I want to talk about most is ruminating about the past, or worrying about the future. These are the two primary categories where our brain just spirals out on us. So rumination, this is when we repeatedly and excessively focus on negative thoughts, experiences or emotions from our past. This is when we dwell on our mistakes, maybe things that didn't go the way that we hoped, personal failures, perceived shortcomings, and all of this creates a lot of additional sadness and guilt and oftentimes even like self blame off, I would have just said this differently. Or if I would have just made that phone call or you know, all of these what ifs for past situations that we can't, we can't do anything to really change. And so unlike problem solving, or self reflection, rumination does not lead to any predictive insights are solutions. But rather, it keeps us just stuck in a negative thought loop that, again, contributes to creating more anxiety, depression or stress.
11:58
And then the second flavor of overthinking is catastrophizing. So this is when we imagine the worst possible scenario, we expect disaster to strike, we predict and even try to control for every possible outcome. And again, your brain doesn't know the difference between real or imagined danger. So that when you play out all of these worst case scenarios, it increases your body's stress response, which in turn just fuels the fire of thinking that you're unsafe, and you need to prepare and predict for everything. Recognizing when you are in one of those thinking patterns of Ooh, I'm catastrophizing or I'm ruminating, I'm replaying that conversation or that situation over and over and over again.
12:40
And before we talk about how to how to stop overthinking, I want to paint a picture of why you might be struggling with overthinking in the first place. So, here are a few reasons why you might struggle with overthinking.
12:59
First, like we've talked about, again, this is a byproduct of anxiety, stress, depression, perfectionism, you become dysregulated, you're in this state of sympathetic activation, or shutdown, you're currently living in survival mode, and your state determines your story. So if your body says you're not safe, if you have this body based alarm, it is then your brains job to figure out why you don't feel safe. So let's say you are just sitting in your kitchen, drinking your morning cup of tea, and you're feeling anxious. And your brain is like, oh, there's a state of alarm in our body, like, what's happening. And when it looks around your surrounding, it's like, there's no tiger in my apartment right now. There's no tiger in my home. There's no immediate threat to me. And your brain, specifically, the left side of your brains job is to figure out okay, well, then why is this alarm going off in our body? Why don't we feel safe? And it will start to catastrophize? It'll think outside of you. Oh, well, it's because we have this work presentation. And and what if our boss this or what if our coworker this or maybe maybe her dad is sick? Or maybe I'm sick. And if it can't look out into your life and find danger in your schedule or in your relationships, sometimes it will then turn inward. And this is where our inner critic gets really loud, where we start to pick ourselves apart, we come we start to tell ourselves a story of like, well, we're not enough or we're wrong or something, etc. Because again, you feel this body based alarm and your brain has to make sense of it. Your brain has to figure out why don't we feel safe right now? What's the danger? And so overthinking is a byproduct of oftentimes kind of stress or anxiety, some kind of an alarm in our body, where we don't feel safe and we need to seek out and figure out how and why.
15:02
Another reason that you might struggle with overthinking is because it's a learned response. And this I think, is probably one of the most common for all of us, is overthinking becomes a learned response from having to deal with difficult or unpredictable situations earlier in your life. And this is sometimes referred to as developmental trauma or child childhood trauma.
15:24
And so when you had situations in your childhood that were unpredictable, or overwhelming for your nervous system, we trap stored survival energy in our body. And the stored trauma can create a hyper vigilance, it basically makes your nervous system hypersensitive to anything that would have could have should have possibly be unsafe, it puts a magnifying glass on anything and everything that could possibly be unsafe, because there was one time your nervous system is like remember that one time remember that one time you didn't catch it, and you were negatively impacted?
16:05
Remember that one time, you didn't prepare for Worst case scenario, and it happened yet? Don't let that happen again. And so when we do this over and over and over again, this is reason number three, you might overthink. And it's because it's become a habit, right? We had this learned response, there was this unpredictable situation. And our brain and our nervous system were like, yep, now we need to have this hyper vigilance, we always need to prepare for Worst case scenario. And it's just become a habit and how you plan for and look at situations in your life.
16:40
And I would say, maybe the fourth reason that you might overthink is because there is some underlying need that isn't being addressed. And maybe it's a physiological need. Maybe it's that there's a lack of sleep is too much stress, inflamed gut. And so again, some of those stress signals are coming from inside our body. And then some of those also may be emotional needs that are continuing to go unmet. And so that's adding to our stress load and creating more overthinking.
17:07
And so regardless, if my brain is going to well, you know, what, if you just like, totally bombed this presentation, or nobody loves it, etc, I take that deep breath, maybe, right?
21:46
What this does is it interrupts that thought spiral without invalidating the things that I might be afraid of happening. So when our spiraling brain, or when our brain is spiraling out, we can only see the worst. That's it, that's the only seat that that has a spot at the table. But this maybe just introduces another possibility.
25:59
So again, we're not saying that the worst case scenario situation has no truth to it, we're not kicking that, that chair away from the table, we're just pulling another option up. That's like, maybe that'll happen. But maybe it won't. And this quick thought shift really helps me to get back into the present moment back into the driver's seat of my mind, so that I can turn towards some of those concerns in a more calm and regulated way.
26:24
So this is my invitation, the next time you find yourself stuck in your head or overthinking to come back into your body back into the present moment. Maybe through a breath, practice, some distraction, etc. Or this practice of just telling your brain maybe, maybe that'll happen, maybe it won't. And then using those three S's that stop, settle and solve, and then that fourth getting support when you need it. To remember that overthinking is a result of feeling unsafe, it's this body based alarm. And I'm hoping that these tools and this conversation really helps you to turn towards this overthinking and turn towards yourself in compassion with the shows up and helps you to re anchor into a sense of resilience, knowing that you've survived all the hard things that have happened so far. And you do have the tools or the resources to get you through. Whatever comes in when you're able to re anchor and regulate in your body. The intensity of this overthinking will subside. And you can be so much more intentional with your thoughts and your actions that come next.
27:39
So to finish this conversation, there are three tangible takeaways from today's chat.
27:48
So the first is awareness. Explore this week, pay attention to what flavors of overthinking you default to most often. Do you replay the past, or do catastrophize about the future. And use this awareness to catch yourself falling into those downward thought spirals a little bit sooner.
28:10
Then tangible takeaway number two is those three slash four S's stop, settle and solve? Stop, settle, solve, and then seek out support when you need it. And just some reminders of other tools I shared is, you know, by changing that tone of what if you can go from panic to problem solving, you can insert that word maybe. And that simply stepping away from overthinking and into whatever the next part of your day is always an option. Sometimes our overthinking is not helpful, it's not needed. And so when we can feel more safe and resilient and confident in our body, we can look at that overthinking and say yep, I was just down that rabbit hole. Again, I don't actually think that I need to answer any of these questions in order to logically be any safer in that situation.
29:05
So tangible takeaway. Number two are the tools and the resources they introduced you here, stop, settle, solve, get support those two tones of what if inserting, maybe, and knowing that you don't always have to do the problem solving that your brain is trying to do if you can create a felt sense of safety in your body. And the third tangible takeaway is that if you still find yourself having a hard time reversing this overthinking spiral, get support.
29:37
I know I just mentioned this intangible TAKEAWAY NUMBER TWO, but I'm going to bring it up in tangible TAKEAWAY NUMBER THREE, because this is a pattern I was not able to break on my own. It is highly likely that there is some underlying need or belief or level of dysregulation that you might need support and untangling to get to the root of your constant overthinking and as always.
29:58
I would love To support you more intimately inside one of our coaching programs if you're looking for that personalized support. This is a lot of the work that we do inside my one on one coaching program as well as my monthly mental health membership.
30:13
So there are links to join me inside those programs, you can always send me a message via email or on Instagram if you have questions about what those programs look like or entail. But just know that myself and also hundreds of other incredible healers and mental health practitioners are out there to support you in this work as well.
30:35
So thank you for joining me, and I'll see you next time. Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside Rhys, my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes. Again, thanks so much for being here. And I'll see you next time.