12 Habits for a More Regulated 2024

EPISODE 45

This year I'm choosing regulation over resolutions. I'm choosing tiny habits over lofty goals. Join me for a conversation that unpacks why only 9% of people who set resolutions actually get there (and why I'm not interested in being part of that 9% this year). I'll also share with you 12 habits for a more regulated year.

Happy new years friends and just a reminder that the new year doesn't need a new you, it needs the you that you're already becoming. The you taking brave steps towards healing. The you who's been through the unimaginable to be right where you are. Let this be your year of hope and healing.

3 Takeaways:

1. Regulation over resolution
2. Behavior change is hard, start so small, laughably small
3. Taking a month to focus on each of these habits will set you up for so much more regulation and healing: (1) bathroom check in, (2) sleep, (3) morning sunlight, (4) breakfast, (5) daily walk, (6) breathwork, (7) play & community, (8) exercise, (9) cold exposure, (10) declutter environment, (11) tech boundaries, (12) vagal toning

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Transcript

0:00  
Welcome to regulate, and rewire and anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong. And I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in. 

0:25  
Today, I want to talk to you about how this year I am choosing regulation over resolutions. And I'm going to offer you 12 simple habits for more regulated living the share 12 things that if you focus on just one of these things in a small way, every single month, you are going to be in a astronomically more regulated and intentional place next year. And I want to offer a bit of a disclaimer that I am losing my voice healing from a bit of a cold. So I might try to keep today's conversation a little short. So you don't have to listen to my scratchy voice for very long, but Happy New Year's friends. 

1:12  
And I think before we get any further into this conversation, I just want to start by reminding you that the new year does not need a new you. I feel like I'm seeing two distinctly different New Year's conversations happening on my Instagram feed in my community. And the first is your typical New year new me resolutions goals, like let's go all the things. And then there's this other campus other conversation that's happening. And I will disclaim that I fall heavily into this place this year. That just finds it kind of funny that we are still in the dead of winter, after all the hustle and the stress of the holiday season. And we're now expected to set these like big goals and make plans hit the gym, challenge our body, like I just feel like I kind of need to reset to my baseline before I decide I'm going to do any big thing or make it different. 

2:21  
And I find this especially comical because I'm somebody who always looks at the data. Again, self identify as a nerdy girl here. And when you look at the research, only, like 9% of people that make resolutions complete them. And other statistics say that 23% one in four people who make resolutions, quit their resolution, by the end of the first week, by the end of the first week of January and 43% Quit by the end of January. So they don't work. By and large. They don't work. And I want to talk a little bit about why like, why don't they work. And it's because behavior change is hard. And it's not hard because you suck or because you lack willpower. It's hard because of how our brain is wired. And also, habit change is really important on your healing journey. And habit change is a huge piece of what we support. People with inside our Rise As We programs and I promise you that we have a much higher success rate than 9%. And it's because we go about behavior change differently. And habit change is such a huge and an important piece of the work that we do because the reality is that the way that you are living your life, everything from the amount of sleep that you're getting, the amount of clutter in your home, how you're breathing or eating, how you're moving or not moving your body the way that you're socializing. So many lifestyle pieces, change our physiology in real and measurable ways, ways that either help or hinder nervous system regulation and play huge roles in and have major impacts on our overall mental and physical well being. And so I do want to assure you that it's not pointless to want your life to look different to want your habits to be different habit changes absolutely possible. Like I said, we work with people every single day, who have established new regulated habits that are now their normal routine happening automatically requiring minimal effort in their life, but it didn't start there. And it definitely didn't start with some big, audacious New Year's Eve resolution. habit change is tough and it's especially really hard when we try to do that in moments of high motivation, like New Year's Eve, and I want to talk just a little bit more about that. 

5:12  
And I want to reference one of my favorite books on habit change is tiny habits by BJ Fogg. So he's a Stanford professor who lays out an exact science to making lasting behavior changes. And he describes three key ingredients that trigger successful behavior change, lasting behavior change. And it is motivation, ability and prompt. And he defines motivation as our general desire or willingness to do something. And think about moments of high motivation, something like maybe you watched a really inspiring movie or an inspiring TED talk or say, a night like New Year's Eve back to that in a moment. And with fogs behavior model, one thing I love is that it is so simple and straightforward. And I will unpack this model in more depth in future episodes. But what it really boils down to is that when behavior is easy, we need less motivation to do it. And conversely, if the behavior change is challenging, we need more motivation to do it. And what often happens, think about something like New Year's Eve, is we take this night of really high motivation. And we set a goal for ourselves that matches that current moment of motivation.

6:37  
But I don't know about you the motivation, I feel after watching a really inspiring TED talk, the motivation, I feel, you know, looking at this, like New year, new me messaging is not the motivation that I wake up with most other days. And so why only 9% of people who make resolutions, keep them why one in four people give up on their resolution within the first week is because they wake up on Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday. And all of a sudden, they're back into their everyday life, they're back to their normal levels of motivation. And it doesn't match what they've asked of themselves, that goal that they've set in that moment of high motivation. So again, his model talks about how we need the right combination of motivation, general desire or willingness to do something, ability, and prompt or a cue. And with all of this, we also need to take into consideration our current capacity, our current mental reserves, because changing our behavior, changing our thinking pattern changing anything is really demanding on on our brain, our brain really just wants to be efficient, it wants to keep doing what it's always done. And so what Fogg shares is that most people rely too heavily on trying to stay motivated to change behavior. And the problem with this strategy is that motivation, like I just shared can fluctuate from minute to minute day to day, making it a pretty unreliable source by itself. Especially if you're somebody who's struggling with anxiety or depression, something that is going to give you a much better chance at making the desired behavior changes making the desired changes you want to in your life. accomplishing those resolutions, is more regulation is increasing your capacity. And something we talk about a lot is tiny habits is 1% Habits is how to start with something that feels laughably easy until it becomes your new baseline. We installed tiny habits and we optimize them over time. Your new goals need to be really, really honest about and aligned with your current capacity. If you are feeling overwhelmed, your system is going to be extremely resistant to any kind of change. And so all of this is just to say if that you are feeling a little bit of friction in setting big lofty goals or aspiring for more perfect habits right now. You're in good company. 

9:40  
Let everybody else do what they wanted to and it is totally okay if you want to hold off on that for a while, and instead focus on some more subtle shifts to bring more regulation into your life. I am I'm all about regulation over resolutions this year, what is it that's going to bring more regulation into my life. And I want this to be my most regulated year yet, because I know in doing so my capacity to make the big moves in my business that I want to support, each of you all grows exponentially when I have more regulation when I have more capacity. And I'm going to need that because we are growing rise as we is growing in really, really exciting ways. I have had so many of you podcast listeners, even in just the last few weeks, when I thought we were going to just be total crickets. I've had so many discovery calls for one on one coaching, a number of you have jumped into my rise membership really seeking to make 2024 your year of more regulated living and doing that in a supported way. And what I hear most is people sending me emails or booking a discovery call saying something like I've been listening to the podcast for a while now. And everything you're saying just makes sense. I feel like it's the missing piece and my healing. But I need help figuring out how to put it together specifically for me. And this is where this comes back to that behavior changes hard. You can come here week after week after week after week after week and hear these things and think to yourself, Man, this just makes so much sense. Yes, I want to do that. And if you find yourself learning but not taking action on the things that you're learning, it's likely because you have a little bit lower capacity right now, the mental load of figuring out exactly what this looks like for you. And that's where coaching comes in. I have promised you and I will continue to hold true to this promise there is nothing that I teach behind a paywall that I teach in my one on one coaching or that I teach inside my membership that I won't teach absolutely for free here on this podcast, there isn't no gatekeeping of this education of this information. 

12:09  
But what so many of you have seen as valuable to invest in is that supported personalization, that supported integration of okay, okay, okay. You've taught me about the nervous system helped me understand my nervous system, you've shared with me, so many of the regulation tools helped me to figure out which regulation tools are the best fit for my life, for my symptoms for my toolbox. And that's what we do best is we take this information, and we make it so personally applicable to you. And I'm so excited to be supporting many of you with this. 

12:51  
Now, what I really wanted today's conversation to be was a pulling the curtain back on all of the things that we have in store for 2024. Because they are so exciting, we're dialing up the fun in our community, there's blood testing, there's so many cool things coming. But like I shared, I'm losing my voice, I'm getting over a cold. And I want to be able to bring all of the enthusiasm that I have about those exciting things to that conversation. So stay tuned for that and weeks to come. 

13:24  
And instead, what I want to share with you and leave with you is a simple list of 12 habits that will create a significant amount of regulation for you this year. And where this list came from was I was driving home from we did a little beach weekend with my family, and some friends of ours for New Year's Eve. And I was realizing I hadn't posted on Instagram it since Christmas. And I was like oh my gosh, I haven't even put I'm doing a lot. Like I said lots of cool things behind the scenes a lot of my time and my effort is going to behind the scenes content. And yes, all those things and I was like I don't even have a single post prepped for January. And an idea I got was like what if I did a simple reel on you know 12 simple habits that could add to regulated living and you know, focus on one of these a month for the year and you are going to have a more regulated life. And then I wrote the list and I was like oh like sure that's a good real but this this is bigger than that like this is really valuable. And so what we're doing in the membership is each month I am doing a deep dive in one of our calls on these habits and then throughout the month we're going to focus on this behave To change each of our members in their own way in a place that meets their capacity, with us providing that personalized support, but just really dialing in simple lifestyle habits that optimize our physiology that really work with our biology to create a place where our nervous system is more primed to heal. So what I'm going to share with you is this list of 12, putting it on your radar, and I want you to know that if you're going to join us inside the membership, there is so much more depth and personalization that you can get each month with these, I'm sure I will talk about them again, on the podcast, I'm sure there will be more content on my Instagram each month to guide you through these. So without further ado, here is the list of 12. And I will give just some brief details about them. 

15:57  
So number one, is what I'm calling urges and a bathroom check in one of the most important skills if not the most important concept when it comes to healing anxiety and depression through a nervous system lens through nervous system regulation work is cultivating interoception. And this just means that you are strengthening your ability to tune in and say, How am I feeling? What state Am I in? What's going on on the inside? And how can I be more attuned to addressing that. And one of the things that our physical body offers us every day is urges urges to use the bathroom and urge to eat when we're hungry and urge to drink when you're thirsty and urge to rest or sleep when we're tired. And how often have you like pushed away or procrastinated, going to the bathroom or falling asleep because you wanted to get one more email done scroll just a little bit longer watch one more episode. And I'm guilty as the next person. But every single time we have an urge and ignore it. We are disengaging from that mind body from attuning to that mind body conversation. And every time we notice an urge, and we respond, we are building trust, our body is saying oh, they're listening. When I tell them something they're listening. And so in order to cultivate more interception, tonight in our monthly kickoff call, that's what I'm going to be introducing to my community is this simple practice of what would it look like for this whole month, if you more intentionally, and more immediately responded to your urges. 

17:54  
And what this could boil down to in the simplest way is when you feel like you need to pee pee like that could that could be where you take this this month, and really inviting yourself into conversation with your body. And if you want to take it one step deeper, a really simple tool I've told you about on the podcast, and we talked about in the membership a lot is bathroom check ins, this is you know, three to six times a day. Depending on the individual where you are sitting in the bathroom, your body is forcing you to pause. What if instead of scrolling instead of letting your brain spiral out about how stressed out you are, you took that moment to just pause and check in asking yourself a question like, how am I doing? How am I feeling? how full is my stress bucket? Where am I on that nervous system ladder? Don't ask yourself all those questions that pick the one that feels like it comes the most naturally to you. And even if you don't do it every time you go to the bathroom, if even just once or twice a day, when you sat down to pee. You said hey brain, hey buddy. How are we doing? It Is that intentional, mindful check in. That creates a greater sense of interoceptive awareness. And that is the single most important skill foundational skill for creating more nervous system regulation for not only being able to tune in and respond to your physical urges of thirst of hunger, of needing to go to the bathroom. But eventually that also cues you into catching your symptoms of anxiety of activation, or of shut down sooner. And as you build out your personal regulation toolbox, being attuned to Ooh, I'm catching the earlier symptoms and these are the tools that work best for me in these moments. These are the resources I can turn to to give me the capacity Ready for this emotion for this intensity, these are the safe people in my life. That is where it starts is just being able to tune in, and to build that mind body connection in a more safe way. 

20:14  
So, month one January friends, follow your urges when you gotta pee, pee, and when you're in that bathroom, get some extra credit and just check in, how are we doing? What state are we in helpful is that stress bucket. And even if you just decided that that was the thing you were going to do for the next 12 months that by itself will create a more regulated life the ripple effects, the impact of creating greater interoceptive awareness is huge. But that is one that is one of 12 I will not spend that much time talking about all 12. So number one, urges and bathroom check in. 

20:58  
Number two is sleep. I am not here for the argument because there is way too much research to back it up. Sleep is the most fundamental habit for our mental and physical well being. What does it look like all of February to dial in your sleep even just a little bit. If you are getting consistently six hours of sleep, or less a night that in and of itself could be enough to be creating a lot of disruption in your system, a lot of activation and even shutdown. So sleep how can you optimize sleep and focus on that for a month. 

21:36  
Three morning sunlight. morning sunlight is a really trendy thing to talk about and to promote right now. But for really good reason. When you get outside and get morning light in your eyes, and if you want more details on this in my navigating seasonal depression episode a few weeks back, I talk a lot more about morning sunlight. But all year round. within the first hour of your day, if possible. Within the first couple of hours that the sun is up, get outside for anywhere from five to 30 minutes. morning sunlight, it sets your circadian rhythms. It controls your morning cortisol release. It has huge ripple effects on sleep quality, immune function, hormone health, morning sunlight, spend a whole month saying okay, I'm just going to keep on keeping on paying attention to my urges. I'm going to continue to know that sleep is important and work on the habits with sleep that could I could go on and on. We'll do whole episodes on each of these. How about that we'll do whole episodes on each of these at some point this year. morning sunlight. 

22:39  
Number four is breakfast. Breakfast is so essential. I again did a whole conversation on bed breakfast and breath here. But eating a high protein breakfast that prioritizes nutrient dense foods and blood sugar regulation when we skip breakfast and caffeinate or grab a bagel that again in and of itself. For many of our clients we overcomplicated we assume that sometimes our anxiety symptoms have to be deeply rooted in our current stressors or past trauma. I cannot tell you the number of times I have had clients see significant and measurable symptom reduction by sleeping better or by eating a nourishing breakfast. There's research that shows that blood sugar spikes and drops throughout your day correlate with anxiety symptoms. There is a lot of nutrient deficiencies that can show up as anxiety or depression symptoms when we're depleted in any way. And so spending an entire month just trying to get really good at breakfast, high protein, blood sugar regulating, nourishing breakfast within the first half hour of being awake. And just see with each of these habits, spend a month experimenting doesn't make a difference. If I don't feel any worse. Well, let's trust the stress the science and let's probably keep this habit going for a while and see if stacking and layering these habits over time. I start to see a reduction in my symptoms. 

24:21  
Then we have a daily walk. I am going to spend an entire month helping my members helping my community figure out in even the busiest of days how to get outside on a daily walk it might start as a five minute walk. My goal for everybody is to try to find a way to get anywhere from a 20 to a 30 minute walk in daily. 

24:39  
Then we have breathwork this encompasses assessing your everyday breathing patterns and trying to optimize just the way that you breathe, as well as tuning in and choosing to do some breath work intentionally to create more regulation in your system. 

24:58  
Then we have play Hey, so where are we 123456 Habit number seven is play, play and community especially play within community. It improves our neuroplasticity. Play is one of the I think most often and commonly overlooked conversations when it comes to healing, especially when it comes to trauma healing. We know that having a strong sense of community and having play in your life creates more resilience to trauma and also can speed up the rate at which you can heal, play increases and improves neuroplasticity. And we need neuroplasticity for all the healing work, the rewiring work and the habit change in our life. So we'll spend a whole month prioritizing play figuring out what play looks like, I that'll be a really interesting episode for all of you to tune into, I have a really interesting story to share about my relationship with play, and the journey that I've been on in becoming more playful as I've also become more healed. 

26:09  
Then we have exercise. Exercise can look 100 different ways for 100 different people. But we do know that exercise rivals and even beats, the symptom reduction to antidepressants and a lot of research studies. Exercise is great for brain health. When we talk about mental health, a lot of times what we're really talking about is brain health, the healthiest version of your brain lives inside a body in motion. So what can we do to move towards challenging stretching our body not stressing it out but stretching our body in a in the context of exercise, it's really, really important. 

26:50  
Then we have cold showers or cold exposure decluttering technology boundaries and vagal toning. 

26:59  
So that is the 12 Habits inside my community. And in the places that I have conversations outward facing as well. That is something that I want to spend this year helping support all of you in integrating in small and simple and tiny ways into your life. So quick round up we've got:

27:18  
1. urges and bathroom check ins, 

27:19  
2. sleep, 

27:20  
3. morning sunlight, 

27:22  
4. breakfast, 

27:23  
5. a daily walk, 

27:24  
6. breathwork,

27:25  
7. play exercise, 

27:27  
8. cold showers, 

27:28  
9. decluttering our environment, 

27:30  
10. tech boundaries,

27:32  
11. and vagal toning. 

27:34  
None of these things are wild or novel. They are simple in concept. And I want you to know it's okay that they feel hard to implement. But I firmly believe that if you set this intention for a more regulated year, and you use this framework, this simple framework, maybe this is all you do. Have, okay, each month, I'm going to sit down for 15 minutes and look at these habits and say how can I make this happen more often than not? What can that look like? And if you're inside one of my community spaces, this is this is what we're going to help you with all year long. And I know with every fiber of my being that if you spend a month really compassionately and gently trying to optimize these in small ways in your life, you are going to look back on your year. And it will be shocking the way that life looks and feels differently for you. Because each one of these is going to settle your system. It is going to provide more regulation and astronomically support a lot of that deeper healing work that many of you are stepping into when it comes to healing anxiety and depression. And as always, there is a completely pressure free but hopeful invitation to join us if you are looking for more personalized support. And if you ever have questions about what that looks like, please send me an email send me a DM and I can get those questions answered for you. So it doesn't look like I was able to keep this episode shorter than previous ones. So thanks for sticking around, even though I know I sound a little funny coming off of this cold but today's conversation in its three tangible takeaways. 

29:36  
Number one is regulation over resolutions. If you don't feel ready if you don't feel like you have daily capacity, for more or for different, maybe just let your system settle and rest and reset from the busy holiday season before deciding what you want. More or different to look like in your life. If you're feeling a little bit of friction around these big goals, these big changes, that's okay, that's normal. Me too. Let's just maybe go into this year thinking slow and steady, slow and steady, slow and steady regulation over resolutions. 

30:20  
Number two, behavior change is hard. So if there is something that you want different in your life, start small. And then when you think you've gone so small, can you make that even smaller, even tinier, like laughably small. Start there. And then when that version of that behavior change becomes your new normal, you get 1%, more 1%, more 1% more, it's okay, to have your ideal behavior change. This is what I ideally want my sleep habit to look like. This is what I ideally want my exercise to look like. This is ideally what I want my work life balance to be amazing. But then let's dial it back in, come back to reality of where you are right now. What your capacity is, and take just the smallest baby step towards that ideal. So that you can collect those wins early, be able to celebrate and not be one weekend to that really lofty goal and saying just forget it. So behavior change, it's hard. It's hard for our brain. Our brain wants to keep doing what it's always done. So start small, laughably small. 

31:40  
And number three is if you're looking for guidance into what a more regulated year, what a more regulated life might look like. I want to invite you to pull out your calendar and on the first of every month, just put a little event that morning with these list of 12 habits for more regulated living, and I will drop those in the show notes as well. So you don't need to rewind are feverishly right. But take a month to focus on each of these habits. And I promise this will set you up for so much more regulation and healing. Thanks for being here friends. Happy New Year. Until next week, sending you so much help and healing. 

32:28  
Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside Rise, my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes. Again, thanks so much for being here. And I'll see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai