How to Come Out of a Shut Down State

EPISODE 49

Ever feel shut down and unsure how to pull yourself out of it? Or maybe you tried to, only to have you system back lash and become even more stuck, numb or disconnected?

In today's conversation I talk about why this happens and offer 7 gentle ways to meet your system where it is in that shut down state of depression, immobilization, and disconnection. It's in meeting yourself where you are with compassion that your inner system will feel safe enough to move towards regulation (without the backlash).

Looking for more personalized support?

• Book a FREE consultation for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program.
• Join me inside RISE, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space.
• Pre-order my new book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!

3 take aways:

1. When in a shut down state one of the most powerful things you can do is to give yourself permission to be where you are, and it’s often that permission that opens the gate to more regulation. 
2. Shift your focus to nurturing your nervous system versus fixing it.
3. An invitation that the next time you’re shut down, try a gentle self compassion practice and see how your system responds.

Have questions you'd like me to answer on the podcast? SUBMIT HERE

Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcast

Email: amanda@riseaswe.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Transcript

0:00  
Welcome to regulate, and rewire and anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong. And I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in. 

0:28  
Hey, everyone, today we have a great conversation on how to come out of a shutdown state. But I do you want to offer a disclaimer and full transparency that I caught my kids cold about a week ago. And I put off recording this episode as long as I possibly could, hoping that it would clear up a bit. But here we are together at the mic on a lovely Monday night before this podcast drops early, early Tuesday morning. So I'm still a little congested. If you can manage to listen through that. Then I wanted to have a quick conversation around a question that I answered last week inside my rise memberships q&a. 

1:12  
So this particular member submitted a question that read recently I went into a shutdown state. And I tried some practices like visual orientation, a self hugs, swing, etcetera. These practices helped me to feel more connected to my body. However, when my mind came back online, I started experiencing intrusive and spiraling thoughts, which triggered a lot of fear and anxiety, and led me to feeling even more numb and shut down afterwards, I realized that reconnecting my mind from being in that shutdown red zone caused a lot of dysregulation, and I'd like any support you have to offer with this. So a quick summary of that is this individuals nervous system was in that red zone, that shutdown state, sometimes we'll call this dorsal vagal, hypo arousal a depressed state. All of these terms can be used pretty interchangeably here. So whichever term you are most familiar with, they noticed that they were in the red zone, they did some regulation practices to try to get more regulated to feel more connected, their mind and body began to come back online. And which you would assume is a good thing. That's what they wanted was to move towards regulation. But what happened was when her mind came back online, it immediately spiraled out into triggering thoughts that caused her system to shut down even deeper back into that red zone. 

2:37  
So for this conversation, I want to address why that might have happened and how to navigate it a little differently in hopes of not pushing our system to the point of shutdown, again, when we're trying to come out of that red shutdown state. Now, for context, let's first talk about the purpose of the shutdown state what's referred to in the polyvagal theory as dorsal vagal shutdown. Now, biologically, our body's preferred response to a threat or to a stressor is actually activation, what we sometimes call the yellow zone, our system usually first wants to flee. It wants to escape the threat and wants to try to avoid it if it can. If it can't, then it will turn towards and fight it off. So that activation is often called our fight or flight response. But here's the thing, modern day stressors are not always avoidable, escapable or fight off double. And when the stressors keep piling on, and on and on when they last too long, or when they get too big. This can overwhelm and overwork our system to the point of shutdown. Now, according to polyvagal theory, we enter this dorsal vagal shutdown as a last ditch survival strategy. When we are faced with perceived threats that are overwhelming or inescapable. It's kind of like playing dead in the animal kingdom, hoping that the predator just loses interest and moves on. So being able to shift out of the shutdown state, part of that is understanding the physiological biological survival based mechanism of this state. 

4:30  
So the shutdown state serves two primary purposes. Number one is to immobilize again to play dead. But this also helps us to conserve energy because if you've been in a sympathetic activated state for a really long time, this is a metabolically demanding state that's not sustainable forever. So my personal journey and story with anxiety and depression was that I would have identified as anxious For years for a really, really long time, before I ever would have said, I struggled with depression. And what I can see looking back is that I would often actually have really highly anxious weeks, and then I would have more low energy weeks. And that would be activation, and then this shutdown, activation, activation and shutdown. And so my system essentially just got got worn down, it ran out of steam, and the shutdown state serves to immobilize, we can only go go go go go on a system for so long. The second primary purpose of the state is to disconnect to protect us by numbing mentally and physically. 

5:46  
So again, I share this because the first step to reactively, regulating the nervous system is to understand and honor the state that it is currently in. The goal of reactive regulation isn't necessarily to get into the green zone to get regulated. And as I say this, I mean, it is but it isn't. It is the goal of reactive regulation to get yourself more regulated. But by making that the goal, there's often this sense of urgency underlying the act of regulating, that can be really counterintuitive. If you are actually I'll finish this thought in a minute, the first step to reactive regulation really should be more about supporting and nurturing your system where it is first. And I also do I want to acknowledge that the way that I've previously presented this concept of reactive regulation has been with rhetoric that sounds like the goal is to find tools that help you move up the nervous system ladder to take just even one step up the nervous system ladder towards regulation. And if thinking about it that way, has been really helpful for you amazing, I also want to add an alternative way of thinking about it that serves the same end, ultimately, of moving you more towards a grounded, safe, regulated state. Because I think what sometimes happens, and this is me finishing that thought from a minute ago, I think what sometimes happens is that we realize this, like, Ah, I'm in a shutdown state right now I'm in the red zone, I don't like it here, I don't want to be here, what is going to fix it. And then we insert these tools to mobilize or reconnect our system. But when we do this in a way that is too much for your system, when we try to shift our physiology up, when it really wants to stay down, that stress load might just cause your system to double down on the immobilization to double down on the disconnection, like it did for the client whose example we're working with today. 

5:46  
So instead, I want to offer you a new way to move through this. So the thoughts may sound similar from the beginning of like, ugh, I'm shut down right now. Maybe you use words like I'm disconnected, I'm dissociated, I'm depressed, I'm exhausted. But ah, I'm shut down. Right now I'm in the red zone. I don't like it here. I don't want to be here. But I am here. And I know that this means my system is overwhelmed. So what is going to support me here? The big difference here is instead of looking for tools to fix it, we're looking for tools to support me where I am. It it's in honoring and offering support where you are. That your nervous system begins to source for enough safety, to come back towards regulation on its own, at a pace that feels safe. So what likely happened for this client is that they added too much mobilization to their system too fast, when their system really felt like it still needed to stay pretty shut down. 

9:30  
So let me offer another example or two to maybe make this feel more tangible. So let's say you notice you're in a shutdown state. That means immobilization, decreased heart rate, low muscle tone, and you decide well, I've learned this activating breath practice. I know that when I'm shut down, my system is immobilized. I am going to do this mobilizing breath practice to activate my system. So you start to do something that sounds like this. It's called controlled hyperventilation, it is a valid breath practice that will absolutely mobilize your physiology, your heart rate will increase, your muscle tone will increase because you are shifting more towards a sympathetic state. Now, this might be the right tool for the right person at the right time when they feel shut down. But for most people, especially if you are new to working with your physiology in this way, this is also a really quick way to overwhelm your system, because I imagine that if I were to have a conversation with your nervous system, in this moment, it would sound something like this idiot. This is your nervous system talking to you who's trying to use controlled hyperventilation to pull yourself out of a shutdown state, right, your nervous systems like this idiot, we're exhausted, we are overwhelmed. And that's why we're here in this red zone to begin with. And here they are forcing us back into this sympathetic state this metabolically demanding state, that will wear us out even more. And your nervous system just goes Not a chance. Our number one goal is survival. And that isn't serving survival. So not a chance that we're going to let this happen and snap, they're going to push you back down into even more immobilization, even more numbing and disconnection this time. 

11:30  
Or let me share maybe a more real example. I remember a time in college, I was attempting in the best way that I knew how, at the time to support a friend struggling with depression. This was long before my own personal experience with depression. I went over to his house, I put on energetic music, I helped him clean his house, we made plans to go meet at the gym later and shocker. He did not show he didn't show up at the gym. And instead I got a text that said, Amanda, I really appreciate you taking time for me not a lot of people do that anymore. But it's really hard for me to be around somebody with so much energy when I feel like this. Or at the time that felt like a pretty strong gut punch, it was really hard to hear. But in the context of what I know, now, I can understand that my presence was like that hyperventilation, trying to energetically pull his system up faster than it was ready to faster than it felt safe doing. 

12:50  
So I want to offer you in this conversation, what you might be able to do instead, either as the person struggling, or because I know a lot of you listening are actually the support people for individuals struggling with depression. Listen to this information. And I hope that it can help you know what you can do as a support person better than what I did better than playing energetic music enthusiastically cleaning their house and inviting them to the gym later, because that is too much too soon for where their system likely is at in the shutdown state. 

13:33  
So when you are trying to come out of a shutdown state, it centers on this principle of first meeting your system where it is understanding where it is honoring that and nurturing that underlying need. We shut down when our system is either too tired to keep going. Because it's been in survival mode for too long and it needs rest. Or when the threat load has become too much that we see no way of escaping no way of getting out from under these constant stressors. And so instead, we need to disconnect we need to numb and when reconnecting. move slow, slower than you probably want to engaging in practices like visual orienting a self hug or swinging. Again in the example from my rise member who shared their story so courageously those practices can be incredibly helpful in bringing our awareness back to our bodies and grounding ourselves. However, sometimes these practices while helpful for grounding, may also inadvertently kickstart your nervous system opening those floodgates for those stress hormones to come back in the picture. And I also want to disclaimer that for someone in a shutdown state moving through a visual orientation, a self hug and swaying might be the exact protocol. In fact, I know that for a lot of our clients, that's a really appropriate somatic layering is what we often call it tool layering, to come out of a shutdown state. And what this individual system said was, that was too much too fast. Or look, we actually need this mobilization a little longer, we need this disconnection a little longer, don't try to pull us out, at least not not yet. 

15:43  
Now, a term we use often in the somatic healing space is titration. And I can get into the weeds a little bit more around what titration is what it looks like in different contexts, especially when it comes to talking about releasing trauma and healing trauma in the body. But for today's conversation, think about titration as a gentle, a gentle, gradual approach to regulation. So instead of moving through a sequence of practices, like the original example of visual orienting, a self hug, swaying, all with well meaning goal of reconnecting and mobilizing, instead, it might be more helpful to start with simply holding yourself more compassionately, where you are offering that form of gentle connection without asking your system to mobilize or change anything at all. So let me clarify, when moving through those sequences, that visual orienting that is connecting you, it's connecting you to the present moment, it's connecting you to your environment, that self hug is providing some motion, some mobilization to get into that self hug, again, connecting you to yourself better, swaying, is mobilizing.

17:02  
So what I'm offering here is that if trying to mobilize your system brings on some of this backlash from your system, what does it look like to instead just focus on connecting without asking your system to mobilize or change anything. And the best way to move through dysregulation is with meeting your system where it is. So for the purpose of today's conversation, meeting your system in that shutdown state in and mobilization, and sourcing for safety. They're not saying, Oh, we can only feel safe if we get connected, get mobilized get regulated. And so this is why the first step to nervous system regulation is coming into conversation with your system enough to know what state you're in. Because regulating practices look different in the yellow zone compared to that orange zone, that free state or the red. Different states have different needs. And especially when you're at the bottom of the nervous system ladder. When shut down. Easy, does it easy does it with no extra pressure on your physiology, to move up that ladder. What your system might need from you is no pressure, no initial attempt to judge the physiology before connecting with some compassion. 

18:33  
So circling back, and there's a lot of repetition in this conversation today. That's intentional. Circling back to the two main goals of the shutdown, state immobilization, disconnection, the place I see most clients, the most successful at coming out of this state is to source for connection first, and again, not too quickly, but to source for connection before trying to mobilize their system. So during this conversation inside my rice membership, one of our other members who just so happens to also be a therapist herself, offered in the chat. She said quote, compassion building exercises help so much in shutdown. And I could not agree more and I want to expand on this. So what I want to end this conversation with is me giving you a few gentle self compassion exercises to nurture your system when it is in this dorsal vagal shutdown state through soothing sensory experiences as well as compassionate self talk. So here are seven really gentle practices, gentle places to consider starting when trying to come out of this shutdown state. 

19:56  
So number one, is Mindful self talk such. So this might look like placing a hand on your heart, or your belly, to simply feel your breath, rise and fall. And you may silently offer yourself words of comfort like I'm here, I'm safe. This is okay. We're not trying to change anything. Just bringing in a small element of compassion and validation that I'm here, I'm safe, and this is okay. It's okay to be right here. It's okay to be sitting at the bottom of this nervous system ladder. 

20:34  
Number two could be a warm bath or shower. The waters warmth can be deeply soothing, and initiate a healthy parasympathetic nervous system state. You may even consider adding some calming essential oils, maybe lavender, just allowing yourself to really lean into this need of immobilization, this need of rest, we're just adding an element of care and nurturing care. 

21:07  
Number three, could be a weighted blanket. So the gentle pressure of a weighted blanket can feel like a safe embrace, promoting relaxation, promoting grounding, especially if you don't have a safe other human to offer you that hug or that holding a weighted blanket can simulate that physical sensation a little bit. 

21:31  
Number four, could be noise cancelling headphones, or even listening to some kind of nature soundscape. So what I mean by nature soundscape, they're on Spotify, they're on YouTube, you can find them anywhere. But sounds like gentle rain or waves crashing or birdsongs. Understanding, again, this underlying mechanism of the shutdown state that happens when we are overwhelmed. And that overwhelm can come from a number of places, but a lot of times there is overwhelmed from our environment. And so if we can maybe close our eyes, or go to a less visually stimulating place, offer ourselves some noise cancelling headphones just decrease inputs, decrease sensory or environmental stressors, and tune into something that feels more calming, more safe, more grounded. For us. Again, we're not asking our system to mobilize, we're just saying you get to be here, you get to be in immobilization, you get to stay shut down. And let me hold you there. So all of these tools are, are offering our system that have like, it's okay, and let me hold you where you are. Not ask you to be anywhere different right now. 

22:47  
Number five, is moving more into five, six and seven, move a little bit more into our brain offering some compassionate self talk. simply acknowledging the positive intent of this state can be so validating, and offer a signal of safety. So maybe this sounds like thinking or saying aloud. my nervous system is doing what it thinks it needs to to stay safe. Or I'm allowed to feel this way. Or there's a lot going on, it makes sense that my system needs a break. So I want you to imagine for a second. The last moment, if this is an experience for you that you really felt shut down, you felt disconnected, you felt depressed. And I want you to imagine that somebody else said this to you. So maybe if you're the support person, these could be things that you offered to them as well. Or even if you told yourself this, I don't have to like it. I don't have to like that I'm here, but my nervous system is doing what it thinks it needs to do to keep me safe. I'm allowed to feel this way. There's a lot going on, it makes sense that my system needs a break. So acknowledging the positive intent of this state. 

24:03  
Number six, very similarly, would be some positive affirmations that again, give permission for the state. Something as simple as I'm allowed to rest, it's okay to disconnect sometimes. I'm safe to be right here. For a really really long time. It did not feel safe to rest it did not feel safe to be disconnected. And it's funny because when I would have told you I was the most like on it and connected was actually when I was probably the most disconnected for the sake of continuing to show up in my life for productivity because that's how I got my worth. It's very, very twisted, very, very twisted. But positive affirmations, I'm allowed to rest it's okay to disconnect sometimes I'm safe to be right here. And the third is as, again, a more top down practice. But if you have a little more time to be with this experience, maybe this is after you have listened to a soundscape or taken a bath, and you have a little bit more capacity. Something that you might be able to do is to write a letter to and from your redzone to and from your shutdown state or your depression, whatever terminology resonates the most with you. And so for me, it would be first maybe a letter to me from my depression, dear Amanda, we're exhausted, everything is happening feels overwhelming, and just see what comes up, see what this state, this part of you that's in the state has to share. And to counter this or to add to this experience, you can write a letter back to them, or maybe you write a letter to them first, and then and then you let that state speak of just like deer, deer, redzone deer depression, what do you have to say to this state. 

26:05  
So those are seven places, seven tools, seven ways that might be more supportive in bringing yourself up and out of that shutdown state, then immediately jumping into some somatic attempts at mobilizing. And again, if you're the support person, offer a hug, a willingness to just be calm and present. Or maybe to give a voice for the compassion with things like, I know this sucks, but you're allowed to feel this way. Or you've been through a lot, you've got a lot going on, it makes sense that your system is overwhelmed. Or as a support person, even even sharing, I don't, I don't exactly understand how you feel. But I'm here and I don't need to fix it, I'm just here. Those would be incredibly soft and holding things for most people in a shutdown state to hear is just this calm presence of I don't need to fix you this makes sense. And I'm here it is this compassion and this permission. That often resources, you enough to be ready for some gentle mobilization. And that might look like gently rocking or swaying some mindful breath. Maybe it's a moving body scan, or even just a slow stretch or walk outside. But I want to I think that's where we jump to first is we try to mobilize the system. And if anybody is feeling backlash, or noticing backlash from your system, when you try to do that, maybe experiment with just compassion and permission first and see if that helps you to feel a little bit more resourced and maybe more ready. 

28:01  
So titration is just that is a little bit a little bit a little bit one drop one tiny thing at a time. And as you do paying attention to your system, does it feel like it's starting to double down? If so, how can we soften? How can we allow when we're trying to regulate when we focus solely on you know, quote, feeling good. Trying to feel good can sometimes be counterproductive in that regulation process. Please remember to be patient and gentle with yourself. There is no rush to fix anything. These exercises I offered are about offering yourself safety, comfort, acknowledging your experience. And as you engage in any practice, check in with your body. If you feel even the tiniest sense of overwhelm or discomfort back off, take a break allow yourself to disconnect a little bit. There is purpose in all of our states. Your nervous system is simply doing its job. It's doing its job, the best that knows how and over time, it will learn better ways of doing that. But it is doing its job to keep you safe. Even if those safety mechanisms right now are uncomfortable and pesky states sensations or emotions, approaching these regulation practices with compassion and acceptance. In doing that you are creating a safe space for your nervous system to heal and regulate at its own pace, which is just how it has to happen. 

29:45  
So the three takeaways from our conversation today, boiled down to number one. When in a shutdown state one of the most powerful things you can do is to give yourself permission to be where you are And it's often that permission, that then opens the gate to more regulation. 

30:06  
Number two, is an invitation to shift your focus to nurturing your nervous system versus fixing it. There's a difference between using tools with the goal to move yourself up the nervous system ladder, because you have to be regulated because where you are sucks, and you need to be regulated, and you need to be regulated right now, versus using tools to support where you are. And oftentimes, I might even bargain to say most times, as a result of offering that support to your system, where it is that validation, that compassion, that increases your felt sense of safety, and in turn, naturally moves you up that nervous system ladder towards more regulation, which is what you wanted in the first place. But it does so with so much less risk of backlash from your system. 

31:02  
And number three, is an invitation that the next time you are shut down, to try one of those seven gentle self compassion practices and see how your system responds. 

31:17  
And I will offer just a quick side note, just like I mentioned, for last week's episode on where I shared the 10 ways to stop a panic attack. I said how I will be filming guided practice videos for each of those 10 practices to add to a content library inside my rise membership. I will be doing the same for these practices today, along with many others to support you in times of shutdown. So I'm going to create inside the rise membership, this kind of SOS space where I'm really anxious, I'm having a panic attack, you can go and find a number of guided resources. Also, if you're struggling to know what to do to pull yourself out of a shutdown state, there will be a place in that membership where you can find the resources that just say, hey, hit play. Try this with me adding that element of CO regulation which can feel really safe and holding for our nervous system. 

32:12  
So if having these tools in your daily life would be helpful, I would love love for you to join me inside rise. And if you are somebody who is looking for even more personally support a major part of restore, which is our 16 Week One on One anxiety depression coaching program. A major part of that program is helping you to build out a personalized regulation toolkit is helping you to identify the specific tools and practices that your unique nervous system resonates with the most for all of your different states. And because of the high touch nature of that program, with weekly one on one calls messenger support, we do have a limited amount of spots that open each month. So if that is something that you're interested in learning more about, I would love to connect and have that conversation in a totally pressure free way. So I'll drop a link in the show notes to book a free consultation call with me if you want to learn more about that program and see if it's the right next step for your healing journey. 

33:20  
And if you've made it this far, thank you, thank you. Thank you. I know my voice has not been the best to listen to today with this congestion. But we made it hopefully you're taking away something helpful. And as always, friends, thank you for being here, and I'll see you next week. 

33:40  
Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside Rise, my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes. Again, thanks so much for being here. And I'll see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai