EPISODE 52
Join me for a conversation on all the things from how I started this podcast because I was annoyed with instagram, to a story about my son spilling THOUSANDS of corn kernels and me NOT losing my -ish about it, to a list of random episode topics coming soon, and ending with a reassuring message about how healing is possible.
Hit play, listen to the end, and take what you need. And in the words of my son, "you are strong, and capable." Thanks for being here friends!
Looking for more personalized support?
Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcast
Email: amanda@riseaswe.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise
EPISODE 52
Join me for a conversation on all the things from how I started this podcast because I was annoyed with instagram, to a story about my son spilling THOUSANDS of corn kernels and me NOT losing my -ish about it, to a list of random episode topics coming soon, and ending with a reassuring message about how healing is possible.
Hit play, listen to the end, and take what you need. And in the words of my son, "you are strong, and capable." Thanks for being here friends!
Looking for more personalized support?
Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcast
Email: amanda@riseaswe.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise
0:00
Welcome to regulate, and rewire and anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong. And I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in.
0:28
Hey, everyone, welcome back. This is episode 52. And when I realized that I was like, Oh my gosh, the podcast is a year old. And then I realized that the first week of the podcast, I released three episodes. So we are a few weeks away from the podcast being a year old. And I know that there are some of you who have tuned in week after week after week, for almost this last year together. And I am just so grateful that you're here. I'm so grateful that you're here. I'm so grateful to have heard from hund literally hundreds of you who have shared this podcast with friends and family, the ones who tagged me when you share it on Instagram. And I just want to offer I know this isn't like we're here, but it feels like it because there's 52 weeks in a year. And that's where my mind went with this episode. I just wanted to start our conversation today by just saying thank you for being here, for showing up for your own healing for sharing this resource with others. If I don't know if you've noticed, I don't run ads on the podcast. Which means that in the last almost year, I have spent literally hundreds of hours researching and outlining, recording, editing, uploading, sometimes uploading my unedited versions and having to go fix that. And I don't make a dime from this podcast.
1:53
The reason I started this podcast truly was because I was annoyed that Instagram would only let me make 90 second reels. And these topics that I'm teaching on just felt so spliced in the platforms that I was able to teach them. Besides behind. Behind the scenes inside my membership, or in our one on one coaching. I was like no, like, I just want to teach. And so I'd find myself on stories for like 10 minutes, and nobody wants to listen to 10 minute Instagram stories. And I know I've shared I know, I've shared the origin story of the podcast before but sharing it again here that, and I'm not even, I'm gonna I don't know if I've admitted this. I'm not even a real big podcast listener. And so when I told my husband like, I'm gonna start a podcast, he's like, I think that's great. But like, do you even listen to podcasts? I'm like, yes, sometimes he's like, Okay, do you know how to start a podcast, I was like, no, but the internet's a really, really cool place. And I think I have people who can help me. And I really just wanted a place to, to teach. I'm a teacher at heart to educate, and share all of these tools and these resources. And this this radical new way of understanding anxiety and depression through this nervous system lens, and the hope that I think it offers towards a path or offers for a path towards healing. And I wanted a place where I could teach in longer form, and I was like a podcast, I think that's it. I'm not in a place in my life, where I can start a YouTube channel because I don't wash my hair more than like once a week. And I have fairly young children who cover me in food all of the time. So being able to sit in my basement, on a microphone looking however, I want to look to teach these things, it feels right.
3:43
And so when you all show up week after week, after week, and listen, and when you share this, that is what gets these powerful tools out to so many more people who need them. And I hear from people all the time, like, Oh, my sister in law share this, or I saw it on a friend's story, and it came at the perfect time. And the number one thing I hear from podcast listeners, the number one thing I have heard hundreds of times in the last year is the way that you explain anxiety and depression just makes sense. Like it just makes sense. Why has nobody talked about the nervous system before or why has nobody one of actually you listeners who's become a client of ours? We recently had an opportunity to just chat about where she started in hearing this podcast. And, you know, she has a background in I think it's either psychology or nursing. So she's got, you know, a science based background. And she was explaining to me, she was like I was listening to your podcast and you were talking about the nervous system and how you're right like it just made sense.
4:59
And I've shared her story Are you here before, she was a mom who her and her family had a trip planned. And she had a panic attack the morning before they were gonna get on that flight. And they ended up not being able to go on this family vacation, which was going to be her kids first flight, she had really hyped it up. And she had so much like guilt and shame around canceling this vacation for her kids. And it was in listening to my podcasts that she got to this point of like, oh my gosh, it makes sense. Like, I don't feel any better about the fact that I had that panic attack or that it canceled my family's vacation. But it makes sense. I you know, wasn't sleeping, you know, my nutrition wasn't in there was so many stressors, like this was the pressure that I put on myself. And it was the first time that compassion had ever entered her healing journey of this, like, oh, how human of me. It just makes sense.
5:56
And when we understand that anxiety and depression or this the cluster of symptoms that get diagnosed as anxiety or depression, really always boil down to your stress physiology. When the stress load on your system is too heavy, or it lasts too long. We become symptomatic your body is trying to get your attention of like, Yo, this is too much. This is too much. And the frustration I often have with how the mainstream you know medicalized model treats anxiety and depression as it is that it's if you check enough generic symptoms, you get labeled with this diagnosis. Well, the reason that you're struggling with overthinking, or panic attacks, or even shut down more depression, like symptoms, could be very, very different than the next person. But when you check enough boxes of symptoms, without asking those deeper questions as to why we get stuck, we get stuck. And those are the people that we serve most often inside Rise As We are people who have felt really, really stuck in their healing journey. Like they're tired of talking about their problems and ready for tangible tools, or they've been on medication. Either it made their symptoms way worse, it made them feel so much less like themselves. Or maybe it was helpful, but it just didn't get them all the way there. And it's when we can understand this mind body system, how it works, when we recognize that our symptoms make sense. And that they're there to get our attention. And we learn how to listen and work with those. That is when we heal in a really lasting way.
7:43
Now, I have to admit, I have to admit, today is the very first time in 52 episodes, that I have sat in front of this mic and sat in front of this mic and sat in front of this mic and sat in front of this mic and really didn't know what I was going to talk to you all about today. And so anything that has come out of my mouth in the last I'm looking at the timer now seven and a half minutes, has been entirely unscripted. I don't even have an outline in front of me. And that's the first time in 52 episodes that I haven't had an outline. Well, I did, I did have an outline. For today's conversation, I looked at it, I was like, I don't want to talk about that. I don't have the energy that that conversation needs. And I decided I was just going to talk and see where it went. And also bring humaneness to this and to be real with all of you, I am feeling really tired. I'm feeling really tired today. I won't be feeling this tired next week, because I know what to do when I'm feeling this rundown and this tired to turn it around.
8:57
But like I said, I'm a mom to two tiny humans, I run a business, there are so many moving pieces behind the scenes in my business. And it's really, really exciting. And it's a lot to juggle. I also like many of you with young kids, we have had, we had a cold, all of us got a cold. And then we were all better for like four days. And then another cold has run through the family. And I'm like just on a couple days out of that. I'm also on my cycle and so I want to let you know that it's okay. for you not to be at your best every day. It's also okay for you to feel like you have to show up a certain way for something. And then for you to maybe experiment with not I sat in front of this mic for so long tonight because I was like you have to put out something good tomorrow. It's like episode 52 It's almost been a year Hear you have so many people who listen to your podcast now it's grown bigger than I ever thought it could possibly grow to. Like I said, I started this podcast because I just wanted to like teach some things to whoever wanted to learn. And you've shared and you've enjoyed. And so I'm practicing live with all of you noticing that urge to show up with more than I feel like I have to offer. And to be perfectly honest with you, that's actually something I'm really good at doing. I have faked being better than I felt on the inside. For a long time, I would wake up on just a few hours of sleep, give myself a quick shake out a big woop. And I'd show up for my 6am clients at the gym and work 12 hours back to back to back to back to back. And nobody would be any the wiser that I had had a panic attack the night before, that I was going to end that shift and go home and just cry into my dog's fur and not feel okay. And there was that part of me tonight that was like, okay, like rallying is what you do. You're really good at rallying, it's time to rally, I sat in front of this mic for almost 30 minutes, I hit hit start on the outline that I had. And I, I just don't have it in me. I don't have it in me to give you the perfect episode today. And I hope that by showing up and offering this at least one of you feels okay, or gets that permission, you need to just let good enough be good enough to just let showing up. Be enough, today doesn't have to be your best day as an employee, as a partner, as a parent, as a podcast host as a business owner. And it's okay.
12:19
And I think what I will maybe end this conversation with is I want to share with you the list of really incredible conversations that I want to have on this podcast with you very soon, hopefully starting next week, when I can get a better full night's sleep and my kids stay healthy for maybe more than a few days. And I would love to hear from some of you like which of these topics do you want to hear first. And then what I just have top of mind is kind of a cute story of an experience that happened a couple days ago with my almost four year old. And this is a moment where not so long ago, I would have lost my ish. And I was able to keep it cool. And we had a really fun moment or I had a really fun moment as a mom to be able to witness how he shows up in the face of making a mistake. And how I allowed myself also to be proud that I've cultivated his ability to respond with some element of self compassion and self love and even some humor in the face of mistakes.
13:45
And so first, what on earth are we going to keep talking about for the next year together? So I have in front of me a list of I want to talk about:
13:59
What it means to have a physiology first approach to healing.
14:03
I want to talk about why our modern day life is so problematic for our mental health and for our nervous system.
14:08
Why the mainstream mental health support often fell short for so many people.
14:13
I want to do a big series on the neuroscience of behavior change and what we refer to inside Rise As We as the essential eight. So these are eight research supported lifestyle practices that if you get these dialed in, to some extent, your nervous system really regulates itself. And it's things simple things like sleep movement, community vagal toning, interception, stress management, nutrition breath, but what I want to do is I want to do an independent episode on each of those. So let's say movement, offering you some of the research behind movement and then really practical ways to get more movement. what do what do all the research studies say is the best kind of movement for anxiety and depression, we've already done an episode on anxiety or exercise induced anxiety. So what do you do when you're, you logically understand that moving more or exercising more might help to decrease your anxiety or depression. But actually, you notice that when you exercise, your anxiety gets worse, or you are in such a state of shutdown, that you can't get yourself to exercise, okay, where to start what to do.
15:27
I want to help look at something like community and to talk about the very real barriers that we feel as adults in modern society, to making good friends to cultivating safe community and connection and also reiterate how important of a piece of healing that is to talk about the many, many different ways that we can manage stressors, but not only manage stressors, I want to talk about play, I want to talk about how play boosts neuroplasticity how it is a really incredible bridge from being stuck in a state of fight or flight that sympathetic activated state to regulation. And that's one of those mixed states, we've talked about that before where you can be in that green zone of regulation and that yellow zone. A lot of times if we have been in that fight or flight, that yellow zone state for so so long, trying to just get to this calm, regulated place is not something that our nervous system feels safe with. It's like yo, remember that last time that you felt calm, cool and collected. And then that thing happened. That's why it's not actually safe to get out of fight or flight. Play is a really powerful bridge, because you can stay in a mobilized state, while also adding an element to safety, and breathwork. What I want each of these eight episodes to be is to give you a little bit of that science and that research is buy in, but then to be a really practical toolkit on how you can actually put into practice very simple things to support your healing journey.
17:00
I want to talk about the power of nature.
17:02
I want to do a whole episode on the particular blood tests or the lab work that I would request if I was struggling with anxiety and depression.
17:09
The difference between proactive and reactive regulation. In fact, actually might we might have done an episode on that.
17:15
Why I have here I want to do a whole episode on why you need to stop trying to regulate your nervous system all the time. And what that means.
17:24
And I want to do a whole episode on can actually this is kind of comical. So I have like topic or like title suggestions. And this one reads, what releasing trauma from your body actually means and why it's weird that people post videos showing people violently shaking at a giant conference and call that releasing trauma when it actually might be reinforcing it. So obviously, that that title needs a little bit of work. But getting into that science of what does it mean to actually release trauma? And is that something that we do in these big retreats? Or is it something that we do just by introducing our system to enough safety over time, that it turns on our body's natural capacity to release and to heal?
18:13
I have so many so many incredible conversations that I want to have with you all. I also think that at some point, towards the end of the year, I will start bringing on guests to have other really incredible conversations. So please, please, please, if today's episode feels annoying to you, and you're like she's just rambling. Yes, friend, I'm a tired mom. I'm a tired mom sitting in her basement, on a microphone at 9pm showing up with the best that I have to offer you this week. And it's messy, and it's imperfect. And today's episode is a step in my own healing journey of reinforcing that good enough can be enough.
19:06
And now I want to share with you a very cute story from two nights ago. Like I said, my household is just coming off of being sick and my husband's feeling a little bit strapped. He also supports me a lot behind the scenes. So right now, behind the scenes, we are doing an entire website rebuild. So like copy imagery, whole rebuild, that's a big lift. I just got done well just a few months ago finished completely updating our signature course our restore program, and that fed into a revamp and an upgrade of my Rise membership. So that signature course is going to be inside my Rise membership as well. And I'm redoing some of the content libraries there just to be so holding with everybody in that space. So that's a project I'm in. I'm at the finish line Have I met the finish line, there's about probably 10 days left of work before the rise membership is new and improved and amazing. And I'm so excited about that.
20:10
And most of you know by now, I wrote a book last year. And that book will be published in May. It's available for preorder. But this week, I meet with my publishers like marketing team. So I'm trying to prep for that, because I need to really be done with a membership upgrade. So I can turn towards book sales and pre orders and creating the bonus course for that. So lots of moving pieces behind the scenes that are all so, so exciting.
20:39
And today, I'm tired. I have I have I told you all that already enough times. And my husband's feeling it a little too, because he's a big support. And so Friday night rolls around, and he's like, can we just do like, a movie night after dinner? As a family? I'm like, Yeah, please. That sounds perfect. So my son hears movie night and he's like, popcorn, yes. And then he like, disappears into the basement. I'm like, that's where his playroom is. And like, whatever. Okay, see in a little bit, dude. What he went down to the basement to deal with he found this little basket and we have like a small popcorn maker, like tucked into a cabinet down there that honestly I didn't even know he knew it was there. But he walks up to the top of the stairs with this basket with the pop the thing full of the kernels and the popcorn maker how this little body got all of this upstairs. I was so impressed. I was like, okay, dude. And he's like, Yeah, Mom, look at all these and he picks up the container holding all of the kernels, and it just dumps every where 1000s and 1000s of these little corn kernels everywhere. Mind you 30 minutes prior, we lent a friend our vacuum. And I was like, Cade, Cade trying to stop the madness and has like, took a deep breath. There is I want to sit here and say there's an old version of me that would have snapped and been like, what do you think you're doing? But I'm even going to admit that I think that there's a present version of me who is just at her wit's end, incapable of self regulating her stress bucket is overflowing that in that situation on a different day, I might have, I might have had a less than ideal reaction.
22:33
But tonight, or I guess that night, it was a Cade Cade. And instead, I took a deep breath. And I'm so glad I did, because he goes, Oh, I thought the lid was on mom. Silly me, silly me. We just have to clean this up. And hearing the way that he responded to what he knew and understood, was a mistake. And he knew was a big mess. And watching him offer himself the capacity and even that humor in that moment. was so healing for me to witness number one, because I was like, he didn't cringe and Brace for impact, thinking I was gonna yell at him, which means that I'm doing okay. It means that my imperfect mothering moments where I have raised my voice or I have snapped, have happened less frequently. Then he's been met with patience and self compassion enough that he knows it's safe to make mistakes in our home. So I was like, okay, okay, good job mama. Also, it could just as easily have been me who spilled those corn kernels everywhere. And my self talk would have probably been pretty berating, I probably would have been like, guy, you idiot. Like, why did you spill all these now you have to clean it. And to hear him speak to himself that way made me realize it's also an option to speak to myself that way. It's also an option for me to do something that is wildly inconvenient that is messy. That's a mistake. That's an accident and to say like, Oh, silly me, silly me. And just sweep it all up. Actually. Hold on friends. Let me see if I can we have a little camera in that part of the house. Let me see if I can just pull the audio from this. I promise it's going to be chaotic. So if you're like, I don't know if I can handle chaotic right now. I'll see you next week. But let me see if I can actually pull the audio from this instance.
25:09
or remember back to you
25:32
so to quickly translate, he walks up the stairs and he's like, Mom, look what I brought. Look what I brought. Guess what, here's the corn. And that's when you hear the shush. spilling everywhere and me yelling Cade Cade. And he just calmly response. That's okay. I just tipped it. I thought it was closed. Now we have to clean up this big mess. Anthony looks at it and he goes, silly me, silly me. And like, what? What if?
26:10
What if we tried for one week together? To respond to ourselves? This week with? Silly me, silly me, instead of the way that we often respond to ourselves when we don't show up in a perfect way. When we make these mistakes, when I finish recording and publish this episode, and immediately go into this place of is that going to be good enough? So I'm going to be good enough. You just rambled for 30 minutes. You didn't offer them anything of substance? Well, silly me, silly me. I waited to the last minute to record my podcast again. And it happened to fall on a night where I just didn't have much to give. And while I was looking at security footage, I also was like, Oh, didn't say something really cute. When I took the top off our jacuzzi, we just got a Jacuzzi friends. Oh, man, we've worked so hard, so hard to make that a reality for our family. And just listen to this you want to do in the Jacuzzi in the middle of the afternoon. So this is me pulling the top off the jacuzzi for him to get in.
27:35
And in case you didn't catch that, Mom, you're so strong and capable.
27:45
I may be getting a D minus in podcasting this week. But I feel like I am getting an A plus in mothering. And so I'm going to take it. And I am not even going to try to cohesively break down today's conversation into our normal three tangible takeaways.
28:09
I just want to offer you these final candid thoughts of your healing journey gets to be messy. It gets to take longer than you think it will. It also gets to happen faster than maybe you think it might. Because that's something we see a lot of our clients grapple with is, oh my gosh, I spent a decade trying to heal one way and I've been in restore this one on one coaching program for two months. And I'm so much farther along in these last two months of healing this way than I ever got in the last 10 years of healing that way. And a lot of times they they face grief and frustration like they've been robbed of time that why couldn't I have found this 10 years ago or just allowing yourself to ebb and to flow from day to day as a human being to let the capacity that you have to show up for life be enough to let enough be enough this week. And when you don't do as well as you wanted to on that work presentation or when trying to engage in new behaviors when trying to step towards your healing or towards a new relationship or even away from a relationship and it feels clunky. What if you just took a breath and said Silly me, silly me.
29:50
Or you looked at something that you did wildly wrong compared to the way that you wanted to Maybe you didn't show up as the parent that you wanted to in a situation. Maybe you went into a well intentioned conversation with your partner and it just went absolutely array. Maybe you really screwed up at work. Right, let's take a quick page from, from my son's book. Oh, now we just have to clean up this really big mess. And I promise you that the messes in your life, the ones that you made, or the ones that other people made in your life that you're left with the masses in your life are clean up-able, the healing that you're seeking is possible. And enough, is enough. And we are going to make mistakes. And when we can turn towards ourselves with that self compassion of how human of me, silly me, silly me, it's time to clean up this big mess. Who do I need to help me clean up this big mess because my toddler couldn't have done it. I guess he's not a toddler anymore. He's a kid. Now. He couldn't have cleaned up the mess on his own. And many times we create messes that we can't ourselves clean up. And this was a mess that I didn't make that I had to clean up. Sometimes we're left cleaning up the messes that other people have put into our lives. But if we want to live in a clean house, it's our responsibility.
31:33
So take whatever you can take from this conversation today. Whether it is the anticipation and the excitement over one of those upcoming conversations. Maybe it is permission to just be tired to do a movie night to show up with in a way that matches your current capacity. Instead of digging deep and putting on the show for the benefit of other people that hurts yourself and digs you deeper into a hole of depletion, or the assurance that the mess is clean up-able, that healing is possible. Or that invitation to turn towards yourself with some compassion in moments of mistakes. Silly me, silly me are the last one is to be able to turn towards yourself with that self talk of Wow. Maybe it's not a moment of mistake, but maybe it is a moment where you showed up. And maybe instead of that, Mom, look how strong you are and capable. When was the last time you turned towards yourself and said wow, look at me. Look how strong I am. Look how capable I am.
32:56
And what feels like a good place to just wrap this all up is actually in reading you the one Instagram post I managed to put out last week, which read a nervous system resilient enough to survive what you've been through is a nervous system with the capacity to heal. Healing as possible. Healing is here. And the caption to that post read. I believe wholeheartedly in every single person's capacity to heal. I witness it every day. Clients often find us after years and years of therapy being on and off meds 753 hours of self help books and podcasts, energy work trauma release events and more. When someone books a discovery call for our one on one coaching program. There's a question that asks, Do you have any questions or concerns about coaching. And the most common response is, quote, I'm worried it'll be one more thing I spend money on and I give my time to that doesn't work. And quote, it's a valid concern. One we always talk through on the call and here's the truth. Our restore clients, which is our one on one coaching program, see an average symptom reduction of 38% in just 16 weeks. Our program works for so many people who feel like they've quote, tried everything. Because we take a whole human whole life approach. You learn how the nervous system works and how to work with it towards healing. You build a toolkit of tangible regulation tools that meet the specific needs of your nervous system. You radically redefined anxiety and depression from a story of brokenness, one of hope and healing. And you come to see that all your symptoms all of you makes sense given your past lived experiences and your current life circumstances. You're supported in establishing habits that heal and letting go of ones that hurt you finally learn to work with your mind and body with curiosity and compassion instead of constantly feeling against it. If you are tired of endlessly talking about your struggle and looking for a new more a tangible way to heal. This is what we support people in every single day.
35:07
I love getting to do this work. I even love sitting in front of a podcast, tired and not sure what I'm going to say. And just starting to talk and hoping that there is something of value to one of you. And knowing that even if there's not that there's value in me, practicing, accepting good enough, and being honest about my capacity, and where I'm at today, instead of putting on a show, I want to promise you that healing is possible. And if you're looking for support, we'd love to be that for you. I'll see you next week.
35:58
Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside Rhys, my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes. Again, thanks so much for being here. And I'll see you next time.
36:33
Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside Rhys, my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes. Again, thanks so much for being here. And I'll see you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai