How to Recover from Being Triggered

Episode 10

No one chooses to be triggered, it's just something that happens as a result of how our systems are hardwired for protection. This episode is NOT the secret to never being triggered again, you're note a robot, instead it'll provide a powerful reframe around what it means to be triggered and some tangible tools to help you recover and reset your nervous system when you have been. Hit play to learn more!

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The Regulate & Rewire podcast and content posted by Amanda Armstrong is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information from this podcast, materials linked, or content found elsewhere is done so at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

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Transcript

00:00

Welcome to regulate, and rewire and anxiety and depression podcast where we discuss the things I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my healing journey. I'm your host, Amanda Armstrong. And I'll be sharing my steps, my missteps, client experiences and tangible research based tools to help you regulate your nervous system, rewire your mind and reclaim your life. Thanks for being here. Now let's dive in. 

00:25

Hey, everyone, today we are going to talk about how to recover when we've been triggered. We're going to answer things like what is a trigger? Why is it happening. And then probably most importantly, for those of you listening is how to move through being triggered with more intentionality with more presence, so that you can get to a place where you feel reregulated as soon as possible. Because as you're going to learn, the goal is not to never be triggered again, because we can't control if or when we're triggered. But it is to have this skill. And this ability to notice when we've been triggered, and to know the tools and the resources and the support that we need to recalibrate ourselves to a sense of safety. 

01:17

So first and foremost, what is a trigger. So a trigger is a cue of perceived danger. The perceived danger is going to be kind of the key combo of words here. So a trigger is when our nervous system using something called neuroception. It is constantly scanning our internal and our external world for safety. And when there is something in our environment that reminds us of a time. In our past, when we experienced trauma, we didn't get our needs met, we didn't feel safe. Our nervous system sounds the alarm, AKA a trigger using a part of the brain called your amygdala. And it activates one of our survival modes. So usually fight flight, freeze or shutdown. 

02:05

So quick overview of what I just said already, a trigger is a cue of perceived danger. When our nervous system perceives anything in our environment as familiar to a time in our past where we didn't feel safe. It kind of sets off this alarm and it says Hey, pay attention, hey, you need to be in a state of fight flight or freeze right now because this feels familiar to that one time. And this is how we protected ourselves. This is how we kept alive. Or we didn't go into one of these states. And remember what happened. And so this term is often used to refer to experiences like anxiety, panic attacks, or flashbacks. 

02:43

And being triggered can result in a range of emotions being triggered, and result in anger, fear, sadness, distress, shut down or complete disconnection. And it's important to note that being triggered is a natural response to trauma. If there has been anything overwhelming for our nervous system in the past, we have a record of that written into our DNA into our nervous system. Of course, anytime something feels familiar, we're gonna want to protect ourselves. 

03:21

And so one of my favorite reframes around this concept of being triggered a reframe that I love, and that resonates with so many of my clients is to understand being triggered as the moment when your system screams, Hey, you are not safe right now. But what it really means is, you weren't safe then. And then feels familiar. And now. So this reframe, is this idea that being triggered, is when our system says you aren't safe now. What it really means is you aren't safe then. And when our nervous system gets overwhelmed with situations in our past, it doesn't always know that that situation is over. 

04:12

So there is no universal thing that is triggering. It is unique to each and every person and how someone is triggered. How that how being triggered manifests in behavior, temperament, emotion is also unique to each person. So it might be helpful to remember that your nervous system remembers things in the language of your senses. It stores things in our implicit memory, not your logical or explicit memory. Though even if a trigger doesn't make sense from a logical perspective. It may when you observe it through your felt sensations. And the external triggers can be things like sounds, smells, certain people, the posture or the tone of voice that certain people use the way their face looks or the way that they sweep their hair, it can be a place a time of day, really, it can be anything. 

05:12

And then internal triggers might be a particular emotion. For example, if you are in conversation with somebody, even if that's somebody is a safe somebody for you, but they say something in a way, or they give you a look in a way where you don't feel heard, you feel like you're being rejected, you experience disappointment. Those particular emotions may register to a time in your past, we're not feeling heard, meant that you didn't get your needs met, or you weren't safe. It'd be a time for me, I know, part of my story was school bullying, right. So feeling rejected by somebody, anytime I feel rejected, it'd be quite triggering for me. And so taking time to reflect on certain internal or external things that you might be familiar with is triggers for you. 

06:07

And we'll talk about in a little bit what you can do with triggers that are predictable versus being triggered by things that are not. I've also heard it said before this statement of like what triggers you heals you. And I don't really know that I agree with that. I think what triggers you triggers you, and what heals you is what you decide comes next. 

06:29

So it is true, that underneath every single trigger is information. There is absolutely something in anything that triggers us that can point you to healing work. But in the intense moment of being triggered, it does not feel helpful for me to think that there is something here to teach me, I don't have the capacity in that intense moment of being triggered to register anything helpful about it. Because my state is survival mode. I just need to survive whatever my brain in my nervous system have registered as dangerous. And so the only way that a trigger becomes a helpful part of your healing journey, is if you can first learn how to more successfully move through a trigger to reset your nervous system to a felt sense of safety. And then and only then when you're in a more regulated state, can you safely go back to explore the who, what, when, where and why that surrounded that experience? 

07:34

Another question I get asked a lot when this topic comes up is why do I get triggered? What what are the things in my past that might create a trigger for me in the future. And so some common triggers may come from, like we talked about past trauma. So a past experience of trauma or abuse, neglect, can cause somebody to be triggered by a situation or a stimuli that reminds them of those experiences. You might get triggered because of high levels of stress. So high stress or anxiety can make somebody more susceptible to being triggered. Because their emotional regulation and coping mechanisms are compromised, you're in a more hyper vigilant state, so you're more sensitized to the things around you to feelings inside of you. And so that can be definitely a tricky combination. If you have things because of past traumatic experiences that are triggering, and you're living in a present a state of chronic stress, which this combination is really common. Most of my clients are here. That state of heightened stress makes you more sensitive to the things that feel similar to your past traumatic experiences. 

08:52

You might also get triggered because of personal beliefs and values. So personal beliefs and values can also trigger emotional reactions. For example, if someone really strongly values justice, they might become triggered by a situation that they perceive as unjust. If somebody strongly values honesty, they might become triggered by a situation in which someone is dishonest, even if it's just a little white lie. We can also be triggered through physical sensations. For example, a certain smell or touch can bring up a memory or association with the past experience. Kind of like the internal triggers we talked about something that can be commonly triggering is insecurities or vulnerability. So insecurity or feelings of vulnerability can lead to being triggered. For example, if somebody has experienced that rejection or abandonment in the past, you might be triggered by a situation in which you perceive that you are being rejected, or that your sense of secure already has been threatened.

10:02

And I think this is a great place to interject. And I think it's so important to note that you may not always be able to pinpoint exactly how when, where, why you've been triggered. And the key here isn't to hope that you never get triggered again. But instead to increase your context around this experience, and your capacity to recover from it. 

10:31

So that's where I want to take this conversation now is to help increase your context around what it means to be triggered, and to help you increase your capacity to recover from it when you are. So how can you move through a trigger, because you cannot control when you're triggered. But you absolutely can practice ways to move through being triggered with more ease. And we support clients in two primary ways by looking at two separate categories of triggers. And you hear me use the term proactive and reactive all the time in different contexts, right, proactive regulation versus reactive regulation, etc. This is no different. 

11:25

We have a proactive trigger plan, and a reactive trigger plan. So a proactive trigger plan is something we help clients cultivate when they have predictable triggers. So predictable triggers are the things you already know are triggering or activating for you. For example, These might be things like authority figures, funerals, confrontation, the gym, a particular restaurant, not feeling heard, walking alone at night. So these are things that you know, are triggering or activating for your system. And so how we create these proactive trigger plans are if you find yourself in a situation where you know that you are going to encounter one of these things before it happens. Asking yourself how can I prepare my nervous system proactively as much as possible. And we do this by increasing our nervous systems, three determinants of safety. And our nervous system in any situation scans for context, choice and connection. So the way that you can proactively prepare for a triggering a potentially triggering situation would be to create proactive context around the situation. Can you answer the questions of who what? Where that and helps to inform your nervous system that this is now and not then? Choice? How can you expand on your sense of choice? Maybe you drive yourself to that situation? Right? You give yourself kind of an exit plan. You remind yourself why you want to choose to participate in this situation, even though you know that it might be potentially triggering for you, though, how can you expand on your sense of choice, your sense of control, and then connection? Can a friend be there before, during or after for you or with you in this experience, you have a safety anchor a particular practice. So for proactive trigger planning, these are predictable triggers, things that you already know are going to be activating. And if you can find yourself in a situation where you know that you're going to be there before it happens. How can you increase these three determinants for safety, context, choice, and connection to help inform your brain and your body that this is now and not then. And then this category number two of ways we support clients in talking about triggers and creating tangible recovery plans for when they have been triggered. This is a reactive trigger plan. 

14:10

So this is when you're already there. You've been triggered. Maybe you know why maybe you don't. For example, I had a client of mine come into a session and share that she was in line at a grocery store, something that she really has not felt much anxiety around in the past. And then bam, out of nowhere in line to people from the front. She starts to panic. She's getting cold sweats. Her vision is getting blurry, and she just left her stuff there in line she totally walked away from her car and went to her car. 

14:40

So this reactive trigger plan happens when you're already there. And we start to explore what practices or resources help you to more successfully move through and reset your system from this experience. And here are Three steps to prepare you to move through triggers better. So step one is to recognize physical signs of being triggered. Maybe you can take a moment now while we're here together to reflect on what it has felt like in the past, when you've been triggered in your body, like I shared my client, you know, her palms were sweaty, her heart started to race, her vision started to blur, she felt a little bit dizzy. Maybe for you, you clench your fists, your muscles get tight. And you recognize physical signs that you've experienced when you've been triggered in the past. And if not, this could be something to reflect on. The next time you've been triggered, and you get to a place where you're a little less activated. 

15:52

Step number two is to create a trigger log to find patterns in what is triggering for you. Just like if you are trying to figure out what your what food intolerance you might have, right? If you know that something is messing with your stomach, and you don't know what it is, you might start to pay attention to the patterns of the foods that you're eating, and see if you can find some consistency, some pattern and well, yep, when I eat that food, I have a stomachache. And so we'll talk more about trigger log in a minute. But it can be helpful to proactively find patterns and see if there are some predictable triggers that you might be able to plan and create more of a proactive trigger plan around. 

16:35

And then step three is to discover the tools, the resources, the practices, we often refer to these as either glimmers or regulators that help you to reground that helped cue safety to your nervous system that helped bring you back into the present moment, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, we're hearing out there, I know, this feels like they're this feels like then this feels like them. But I'm here. And this person is not that person, even though they may be used the same tone of voice. This situation is not that situation. I'm here, not there. And what are the tools, the resources, the practices that help to cue to your nervous system? Here? Not there now not then to help your nervous system regulate and reset that stress response? 

17:22

So expanding on step one, right? Recognize you've been triggered? What does it feel like in your body when you've been triggered? What physical sensations, thoughts, emotions, or behaviors do you experience when triggered. And being triggered may feel the same or very similar to that time in your past when you weren't actually safe. When we're talking about being triggered, we are specifically referring to experiences where you are safe, you just don't feel safe. And I that feels significant to reiterate. So when we're talking about being triggered, I'm not talking about someone walking up to you on the street and yelling at you, and you all of a sudden feel anxious, right? You don't know this person, you're alone and they're yelling at you. It is really appropriate for your nervous system to be activated. It also may trigger a past similar experience. 

18:23

But we're just specifically talking about kind of a clean trigger. We are talking about an experience where you are safe. You just don't feel safe. Because to your body, something is familiar. And so part of the step one recognizing that you've been triggered, is to also understand that our reactions to triggers are diverse. You might experience physical sensations like racing, heart shaking, trouble breathing a clenched jaw tension, you might experience more of dissociation, numbness or collapse. You may feel really strong emotions like anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, the sense of feeling out of control. But triggers may also show up in some behaviors, things like isolating, becoming argumentative, shutting down, getting aggressive. You may not always be able to identify what caused you to be triggered. It may feel like it comes out of nowhere. And it can be really frustrating when you logically know you're safe. But you don't feel safe. Or you logically know you overreacted, but you cannot seem to help yourself. So familiarizing yourself with your unique physical experience of being triggered can help you label things as a trigger, even if you can't identify the source. So how does it feel for you? And if you don't know then the first step is to try to familiarize yourself with your unique experience of being triggered so that you can recognize it more quickly in the future.

20:02

Step two is to keep a trigger log. And like I've mentioned, you will not be able to predict and identify all your triggers. But there may be some that you can. And that can be really, really helpful. And this trigger log is not something that you do once and put away a trigger log is something that you add to regularly, until you start to see patterns that help you identify some predictably triggering things. So when you are able to familiarize yourself with triggers or sensations that are associated with being triggered, you can remind yourself, Oh, this is just a trigger. I've been triggered. This is what's happening right now. Where you find yourself thinking things like this is a trigger. I know I don't feel safe, but look around. I am safe right here right now I am safe. Remember, we know that dogs are triggering for us, because we've been bed. Oh, I'm feeling triggered in this conversation with my partner right now. This is a trigger, maybe you don't know what it is. But when you get yourself to a more regulated place, you can look back at that conversation. You're like, oh, in that moment, I didn't feel heard. Or I felt rejected by my partner. And that feeling of rejection, that sense of not being heard. That was what triggered my nervous system. Right. 

21:17

And in deeper work, you may come to understand, like, oh, because that was a pattern in my childhood, or that's something I experienced in this friendship. And so this awareness allows you to pause long enough to insert some context, some regulation practice to help soothe your nervous system. And as time goes on, and you start to notice patterns in your trigger log, there are certain predictable ways that you can prepare yourself for those situations, like we talked about earlier. And I'll attach in the show notes, an example of what a trigger log might look like. You'll have essentially, like a running spreadsheet, looking at different categories. If you've been triggered, what date what time was situation? What were the feelings? How intense was the trigger? What was happening just before I felt triggered, what did I do to cope. And so this is a log that can not only help you try to find patterns and things that are triggering for you, but also may give you some insight into things that help you to regulate, or to cope when you have been triggered. 

22:19

And step three is just that discover ways to cope with being triggered. And this is really the bread and butter of this conversation. Like I've said I think five times now, you cannot control. When you're triggered you do not ever choose to be triggered. So the work is preemptively in just creating a more regulated nervous system so that you aren't in those heightened levels of stress all the time, you don't have a system that's hypersensitive or hyper vigilant towards sensations, experiences, etc. 

22:54

By part of regulating your nervous system also means that you feel more capable and able to cope. So things just by default become less triggering for you. But there will likely be no matter how much work you do. Especially if you have any history with trauma, things that come up from time to time that are still triggering, the goal is not to turn you into a robot, the goal is not to prevent yourself from being triggered. The goal is to increase your capacity to reset more quickly, and to feel like you can be in and with that trigger without it completely flooding you. 

23:32

So with the step three, discover ways to cope with being triggered. This looks unique to everyone. And one of the things I do in coaching often is to support clients in identifying those specific practices that help them and their nervous system to feel grounded, safe, calm, regulated. And we refer to these things as glimmers or regulators, things that act as the opposite of triggers. 

23:59

So a glimmer or regulator is a cue of safety to your nervous system that helps to bring you back into the present moment that helps you to feel safe, calm, grounded. I like the word oriented sometimes because I don't necessarily go from being triggered to feeling safe. But I can go from feeling triggered where my nervous system is disoriented. It doesn't know if it's in the past or the future or the present, to orienting it to right here, right now. And these are tools that you often have heard, called grounding tools. 

24:39

So some examples of tools or resources that can help bring you back into the present moment. Could be a soothing smell. Maybe you have an essential oils roller that you keep in your pocket or in your bag. And anytime you're feeling triggered. You just pull out that lavender smell and it's soothing for you. This could be calming music, deep breaths. If this could be sour candy, splashing cold water on your face, we could soothe our nervous system into the present moment, we can also sometimes kind of shock our nervous system into the present moment. 

25:13

One of my clients favorite tools is something that we call color spotting. And so anytime they've been triggered, this is also a really great tool. If you're starting to feel highly anxious, or on the verge of a panic attack, maybe you're even having one of my clients will choose a color. So let's say the color is red. And they are, they're triggered. And they can say to themselves, I've been triggered, I know what being triggered feels like in my body, this came on hot, this came on intense, I don't feel safe. But I know that I'm safe, they'll go and look in their surroundings, and they will count the red objects or they will name the red objects. And again, that helps to bring them into the present moment to decrease some of that intensity. 

25:58

This might be a touch a body sensation. So something like a self hug, just wrapping your arms around yourself, maybe squeezing your arms. And just I'm here, I'm here, not there. I'm here, not there. And so when you get triggered or activated, using your resources to bring yourself back into the present moment. So ask yourself right now what helps me to feel more safe or grounded? Is there anything that I can identify as supportive? And if the answer's no, that's okay. There are things there are, I promise there are that help you to feel more safe and grounded and regulated, you just need to discover what those things are for your system. 

26:43

So in summary, when you notice something has triggered you do what you can to orient yourself to the present moment in your surroundings, in your body, and show your self compassion. And maybe you take a moment to focus on your breath. You use your five senses in some way, what can I hear? What can I see? What can I smell? What can I touch, or taste and bring yourself into your body in your environment in the present moment. And by centering your attention on yourself in your environment, you are reminding your brain in a felt way through sensations in a way that your nervous system and your body can understand that you are here. And now and not back in that threatening environment or distressing event. And the goal is not to get rid of triggers or to never be triggered because you are not a robot. And my goal is never to turn you into one. 

27:42

There's no amount of healing that erases our past or makes us exempt from being human. But instead to normalize, that you will sometimes be triggered. And you don't choose to be triggered. It just happens. And then to change the focus from how do I avoid triggers to what can I do to better support myself when I've been triggered? And practice reminding yourself that triggers are usually based on a past event, not the present reality. And when you notice you've been triggered taking that deep breath and asking yourself, Am I safe right here right now? Is this a reaction to the present situation? Place people or things? No, I am safe. I'm looking around, there's no current danger. Okay, then I've likely been triggered. 

28:32

And so your three tangible takeaways from this conversation is number one, this reframe. To understand a trigger as a moment when your nervous system screams You're not safe now. But what it really means is you weren't safe then. And now feels a little bit like then. 

28:52

Number two is this awareness to explore? Can you identify any predictable triggers? What might help you build more context choice and control around those things so that you can plan for them. And for when you can't or don't know what's triggering you? What are two to three regulation practices that can help you reorient from that situation.

29:21

And number three, is an invitation to get support. If you notice that you are not able to do this work on your own. If you're not able to identify predictable triggers, establish a sense of that context choice connection around it. If you are not able to identify any regulation strategies that will work for you when you have been triggered. I cannot stress enough how impactful it was for me to seek out support on my healing journey. And this is work that myself and the other practitioners that rises we as well as countless other incredible trauma informed therapists, coaches and practitioners This is all work that we would love to support you in. You may not be able to control the next time that you are triggered. But with time, intention support, you absolutely can re claim your power so that when you are triggered, you have the capacity to reset, to feel capable, and to just get on with your life so much quicker. 

30:31

Thanks for listening to another episode of The regulate and rewire podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard today, please subscribe and leave a five star review to help us get these powerful tools out to even more people who need them. And if you yourself are looking for more personalized support and applying what you've learned today, consider joining me inside rise my monthly mental health membership and nervous system healing space or apply for our one on one anxiety and depression coaching program restore. I've shared a link for more information to both in the show notes. Again, thanks so much for being here. And I'll see you next time.